03x22 - The Boy Who Loved Women

[bunniefuu]

[♪

[♪ theme

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to
take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in Charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I see I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I see I want ♪

♪ I want
Charles in Charge of me ♪

Please, to invert Panel A,

over wondrous coaxial axis
aperture aligning flanges.

[doorbell]

Doorbell!

Yeah, I'll get it,
I'll get it.

It's too late.

Good.

Go ahead and have your fun.

Then take my fun
and have it too,

because I'm unable
to have fun!

Charles, I detect discord,
dismay, disenchantment,

and uh, distemper.

What's distressing you?

This! This!

I bought this
stereo rack thing

and they said it could be
unassembled, Buddy.

Why are you talking in
alphabetical order?

Well it's a part of my
word memorization course.

I've been reading this book:
"How to Improve Your
Vocabulary and Talk Real Good"

Yeah? Well try to figure out
this vocabulary, here.

"Please to insert joyous cog D

into most friendly
slot F happily."

Now what kind of
English is this?

Where was the
stereo rack made?

Taiwan.

Well there's your answer.

It's not in English.
It's in Taiwanian.

Whaddya.. in Taiwan
they speak Chinese.

You're kidding!

I find that pedantic,
petulant, and uh,

positively perplexing.

Why're you doing this?

What? I'm changing my whole
image, Charles.

See, once I get the old
vocabulary pumped up,

I might buy a new wardrobe.

I may even change my hair...

...style, Charles!

Charles! Charles!
Look at this and
tell me what you see.

Hey!

I can see my hand!

Gray hair, Charles!

I found three gray hairs!

I'm growing old, Charles!
I'm growing old!

Buddy, will ya knock it off,
come on.

There are other reasons
for getting gray hair.

You been worried about
anything lately?

Well yes! For the last 30
seconds I've been worried

about getting gray hair!

Well, gentlemen,
the legs are almost finished.

Oh sure!
Once the gray hair starts,

the legs are the
next thing to go.

I hate these
little talks, Lembeck.

Buddy, Mr. Powell is making
an end table for his bedroom.

Not making it, creating it
with my own bare hands.

It's a lost art, gentlemen.

Oh, which reminds me.

How's your little,
pre-fabricated stereo rack
coming along, Charles?

- Not so hot, Mr. Powell.
- [chuckles]

Maybe you can help me.

Now, what does this mean?

"Insert, please, with most
carefully wondrous wing nuts."

Ah, yeah.

That's an old Chinese phrase.

It means
"We built the Great Wall,

and you can't even
put two pieces
of plastic together!"

Gray hair, Charles!

I've gotta do something
about this!

Growing old at my age is...
is unreasonable!

Unconscionable!

And uh.. un- uncouth!

Unquote!

Gray hair! Gray hair!

Hi Charles.
You remember Mark.

Two weeks ago he took me
to the Fall Dance.

Oh, yeah.

And last week,
I took her to
the Winter Dance.

I'm sort of a
Man for All Seasons.

Yeah, it was nice
seeing you again, Mark.

If you'll excuse me,
I have to go find a

'most pleasant
screwing driver'.

Sarah, I really wish
you'd change your mind
about tonight.

The opening of this new
teen dance club is going to
be a blast!

I'm sorry, but I promised
Marcy I'd go to her
birthday party tonight.

I wish you would've
asked me sooner.

I didn't even know about it
until today.

I'm really sorry,
but Marcy's depending on me.

I'll go get that
book you wanted.

Wow.

Who are you?

Mark Emberson,
at your service,

at your command,
at your feet.

I'm Jamie, Jamie Powell.

Jamie? You're Sarah's sister?

Yeah, you know Sarah?

Sarah? No.

Well, well, I-I-I-
I've met her.

We're classmates.

I just came over to
borrow her book.

Do you happen to be
free tonight,

or any night
in the next decade?

I would really like to
buy you dinner and uh,

and a sports car.

How old are you?

Twenty-two.

Well, not quite twenty-two.
Actually I'm fifteen.

I'm almost fifteen.

I'll be fifteen
in about eight months.

There is a new
teen dance club
opening tonight,

and I would really
like to take you.

- I don't think so.
- Why not?

Well for one thing,
I'm in High School.

You're in Junior High.

It's alright.
I won't hold that against you.

Here's my name
and phone number.

I've got my own card.

Not bad for
a 22-year-old, huh?

If you change your mind
about tonight,
gimme a call.

Right.

Here's the book.

I hope you really understand
why I can't go out
with you tonight.

Out with me? Tonight?
Hey, no problem.

In fact, thanks! Thanks a lot.

You know,
I really gotta get going,

so I'll see ya 'round, okay?

Okay, bye.

Have you seen my
screwing driver?

No.

I hope I did the right thing.

Maybe I should have asked
for your advice.

Want some advice, Sarah?

Lemme give you a little bit
of advice, okay?

And remember this
as you go through life.

Never buy anything
you have to assemble!

Never!

Steven,

I know your grandmother
won't be around forever but...

[sighs] No, I'm not mad.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.
Bye.

I can't believe it!

Steven broke our date
for tonight!

He has to have
dinner with his grandmother.

Well, you know,
she probably wont be
around forever.

Well the least she could do
is hang on for another week.

Charles, I need some advice.
I met this--

Hold it. No.

I am not giving you any more
romantic advice.

Last time I gave you
advice about a boy,

it all fell apart
and you blamed me for it!

Never again.

I think you're
overreacting.

See the thing is,
this boy is yo--

[mouthing words]

[shouting]
He's younger than I am!

I don't wanna hear it!

If you like him,
go out with him!

If you don't like him,
don't go out with him, okay?

- It's your decision.
- Fine.

I'll go out with him tonight.

Fine.

He's taking me to the opening
of a new teen dance club.

Fine.

And then we're going
to Las Vegas.

Fine.

And then we're getting
married.

Fine.

You really don't care do you?

You haven't heard
a word I said.

Fine.

Jamie.

When you're in Vegas,
do me a favor, will ya?

Tell Wayne Newton
to get rid of that mustache.

Danke shoen.

I don't know, Charles.

It doesn't look
much like the picture.

Well, that's because the
picture was taken in Taiwan.

This is the American version.

[doorbell]
Where am I?

Doorbell!

I'll get it.

Hey, Adam. Look what I've got.

The new Snorkman comic.

Snorkman?

That's kid stuff.

But Adam, we are kids!

Buddy, are you alright?

He found a few gray hairs.

Maybe they're Grandpa's.

Adam, isn't it your bedtime?

I figured something out,
Mrs. Powell.

See, age is all in the mind.

So, I won't let my mind
grow old.

How could your mind
possibly grow old?

It's never been used!

Well here's my tabletop.

I've been planing,
and rubbing, and sanding,
and polishing all day

but it's worth it.

Oh, Dad, it's beautiful!

Yeah, you wanna see my new
Snorkman comic book.

No.

Then you can't.

Lembeck, I think your
last kernel just popped.

Dad, Buddy has decided that
he doesn't wanna grow old.

Why should he worry
about growing old?

First he has to grow up!

[serious tone]
There's no sense
in discussing this,

Mr. Powell.

I've given this matter
a lot of serious thought,

and I've made up my mind.

I'm going to
stay young forever.

So there! [blows raspberry]

Excuse me, I think I'm gonna
change into something younger.

Tabletop looks real nice,
Mr. Powell.

Oh, thank you, Charles.

How's your project
coming along?

- How does it look?
- It looks like hell.

It is hell.

Oh hi, Charles.
Have you met Mark?

Yeah sure, hi Mark.

Mark?

Yeah, Mark.
He took me to the opening
of the new teen dance club.

Well sit down, Mark.
I'll go get us
something to eat.

You went out
with Jamie tonight?

Does Sarah know about this?

No, Sarah's at
a birthday party.

Hey, Charles.
Jamie really knocks me out.

Yeah, you think Jamie
knocks you out,

wait 'til Sarah comes home.

Sarah! Hey!
You're home early!

Mark! What are you doing here?

[laughs nervously]
Well, Charles...

You know, Mark just came over
to uh, help me set up my,
my stereo rack.

Thanks a lot, Mark.

Sarah, I need a big favor
from you, I have an emergency.

There, there- there- there's
a, um, there's a wrench on my
desk in my room.

Would you get it for me,
please?

- Sure.
- Thank you.

Get out of here!
Run for your life!

Is that cola?

No, it's Root Beer.

That's what I was afraid of.

See Mark just told me that
he's allergic to Root Beer.

Do we have any cola?

I'll go look.

Get outta here!

I didn't find any wrench,
Charles.

Well you know why, Sarah?

That's because Adam took it
upstairs in his bedroom
with him.

Would you go get it for me,
please, it's very important
that I have that.

Oh, okay.

Charles, I can't leave.
What would Jamie think?

If you stay,
what's Sarah gonna think?

We're all out of Cola.

That doesn't matter,
Mark has to go.

Why, is something wrong?

Charles, what does the wrench
look like?

Jamie, you met Mark.

Of course I did.

He took me to the
opening of the new
teen dance club tonight.

You went there with Jamie,
after asking me?

You asked Sarah
before you asked me?

You accepted a date
with a boy I've been dating?

You didn't tell me
you were dating him!

You didn't care that
I was dating him!

I didn't know that
you were dating him.

Had to come back to the house,
didn't you?

Listen, ladies,
I have a lot on my mind, okay?

I'm trying to put together
a stereo rack.

It's made in Taiwan,
and it's not going very well.

Now, why don't you two
just talk things over.

Charles, if you had told me
that Sarah was dating Mark,

I wouldn't have
gone out with him.

Yeah, I didn't know Mark
was the younger guy
you were talking about.

Well that's because you
refused to give me any advice.

Oh. So if I give you advice,
I'm wrong.

And if I don't give you
advice, I'm wrong.

I can't win.

Well what about poor Sarah.

It's not fair that
she has to compete with me.

Jamie, are you saying
when a boy has to choose

between you and me,

he'll always pick you?

Well, no, not always.

Oooh.

Oh, I see.

You're saying that somewhere,
in a galaxy far, far away,

there's a mentally deficient,
near-sighted humanoid
who might prefer me.

Thank you!

See what you've done, Charles.

You can't fix anything,
can you?

Not unless the instructions
are in English!

Sarah come home yet?

Upstairs. She's still mad.

I'm still mad.

Everybody is still mad.

Except for the
little dipstick.

Why should I be mad?

I have this stereo rack
to keep me laughing.

[doorbell]

[singing like Elvis]

If you're looking for a time
then Buddy's the guy, Mmm

Hey dude.

What are you doing?

I'm young. I'm neat-o.

I'm totally rad.

Totally nuts.

Buddy, I know what you're
going through, okay?

But we're gonna have to talk
about this like two grown men.

A lot of people have a fear
of growing old,

but we can't change nature,
and acting like a kid...

I don't want to play
with you anymore, Charles.

I'm gonna go hang ten
down at the mall.

What's with the dipstick.

Sarah?

Is this supposed to be a
joke?

Yeah, right!

Get real, Jamie!

Help! It's the invasion
of the Jamie clones!

Beat it, you little geek.

Submitted for your approval,

Sarah Powell,
who became her own sister.

On a short detour through
The Twilight Zone .

Sarah, what are you
trying to prove?

Those are my clothes, Sarah.

If you used my makeup,
you're in trouble.

Chill out, Jamie.

Like, I thought
we shared everything.

You know, like clothes,
makeup, boyfriends.

[doorbell]

Wow, like, it's the doorbell.

Like, get it.

Guy.

Hi.

Yo, Mark!

Mark, that's Sarah.

I got your message, Sarah.

You're not mad at me
or anything?

Don't be such a dork!

Come in!
Sit down.

- About last night...
- Hey! No problem!

But I thought you might wanna
get to know me a little better

before you make any
final decisions.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

You look a little weird,
are you going to
a costume party?

I... excuse me.

Mark, sometime soon,

you and I are gonna have to
have a long talk about

the human anatomy.

Starting with your foot
and your mouth.

Go ahead! Take Mark!

Who needs him!

Sarah, can I talk to you?

I'll leave.

Good! Go talk to Mark!

I wanna talk to him.

She wants to talk to him!

I wanna talk to you.

Everybody stop
talking about talking
and start talking!

Sarah, look.

I know why you're trying
to look and act like Jamie.

But you know what,
that's not gonna do it.

I know.

I'll never be able to
compete with her.

She's older, she's prettier,
she's more popular.

And smarter.

Yeah.

No! Jamie's not smarter!

Oh, right. You're smarter.

But, she's more sensitive.

Jamie? Are you kidding?

I have more sensitivity
in my left little finger

than she has
in her whole body!

Okay, so you're smarter
and you have a more
sensitive little finger.

But you know, she is warmer.

Warmer?

Are you kidding? No way!

Okay, you win.
You're smarter, warmer,
and more sensitive than Jamie.

And that's why Mark asked
you out in the first place.

Thanks a lot, Charles!

Hello.

Uh, no, uh, Jamie,
I didn't mean that.

I mean, you are terrific also.

But my point is
you both have great qualities

and you shouldn't have to
compete with each other.

I'd like to talk to Sarah.

Great, Mark, come on in.

Yes Mark,
make yourself at home.

This is the perfect chance
for you Sarah to-

Excuse me.

Is it something I said?

No, it was something you did.

I love my sister.

How could you ask me out
while you were dating her?

It's just that you're so...

beautiful.

Yeah, and...

That's it.

That is the only reason you
asked me out?

No, there was another reason.

Sarah was busy last night.

Look who I found
in the linen closet.

Now I think the both of you
should talk to Mark.

- Good idea.
- Great.

Now, I think if
the three of you would just...

Excuse me.

Look, Sarah, I'm sorry.

How was I supposed to know
if I took Jamie out.

To tell you the truth,
we really didn't have that
good of a time last night.

We didn't even have
anything to talk about.

You and I always have
things to talk about.

I know, but she's so pretty.

So are you.

Now, we're gonna settle this
thing once and for all.

Now the reason why people
don't understand each other

is because they don't
reason together.

Now I said I wasn't gonna
give you any advice,

but now that you're all here...

lemme lay some
of my advice on you.

I want you to remember this.

I have one thing to say.

Talking to yourself is a
sure sign of insanity.

I don't wanna hear
a lot of excuses,

just tell me what you
were about to say

when Charles interrupted us.

Mark, I want you to tell Sarah
what you were about to say

when I interrupted you.

Okay.

Sarah...

Jamie is nice,
and pretty, and fun.

But you are the
Powell of my choice.

Hear that?

Does that mean you'd rather
go out with me?

Yeah, if you'll let me.

What do you say?

I'll think about it.

She'll think about it.

Right.

Um... take you're time.
No pressure.

How would you like to go
to the game with me Saturday?

What do you say?

Tell you what...

You come over here
at 1:00 on Saturday.

If I'm here,
it means we have a date.

That sounds fair.

- Right, right.
- Right.

Steven, the only reason
I went out with him

was because he was
Sarah's friend

and she was busy last night.

He's just a child.

Steven, I'm moving
to another phone.

Hey.

See that?

You see how well
things work out

when you listen to
good old Charles?

Bye.

Ooh, I wouldn't call myself
old if I were you, Charles.

What are you doing in my room?

Helping me.

If you kids want to play,
go outside.

Charles, we're not playing,
and we're not kids.

You think that kids could have
put this stereo rack together?

How did you do that?

Well, I'd like
to tell you, Charles,

but most Westerner's minds
can't grasp the concept.

We looked at the picture.

What happened Buddy?
Did the Day Care Center
let you out for recess?

No Charles,

I learned that you can grow
without growing old.

That age doesn't mean decay.

Oh why don't you be quiet.

Okay.

What I really learned is
that you can't pick up women

while you're riding
a skateboard.

Ta-da! Here it is!

Oh!

My pride and joy!

Hand-carved, beautiful
and priceless!

Oh!

I see your little
'stick it together' project

got done too, huh Charles?

Not bad!

Don't touch it, Mr. Powell.
Buddy built it.

I'm not quite sure
how sturdy it is.

I resent that, Charles.

This is as solid as a rock.

[music]

Charles?

You're always giving
Jamie and Sarah advice.

Now I need some.

sh**t.

Well, Kevin Holloway's sister
is really pretty, right?

Right.

Well, Kevin's parents
both work.

And while they're gone,

she brings
boys into the house.

They're always on the couch
hugging and kissing.

So what's the problem?

I think we should tell
Kevin's parents about it.

No, Adam! If his sister wants
to hug and kiss on the couch,

that's her business!

Charles, I disagree.

How old is this little girl?

She's twenty-one.

That's disgusting.

I'm going over there
right now.

[Adam] Are you gonna tell?

Not if you don't.
[chuckles]

[♪ theme song plays]