03x23 - Barbelles

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ he's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

I don't know why you're being
so careful.

It takes us hours to bake
a cake

and it takes Adam a minute
to eat it.

This isn't for Adam.
It's for Charles.

He's been so grouchy lately,
I thought a nice cake

would cheer him up.

You should have told me,
Sarah. A dozen cakes

won't cure what's wrong
with him.

What are you two
whispering about?

Hi, Charles.
Look, we made you a cake.

How do I know
it isn't poisoned?

Why would we want
to poison you, Charles?

Because you're women.

You're just bitter because
Laura Wilson dumped you.

What? Where did you hear that?

Buddy told me.
- That's ridiculous, Jamie.

You believed him?
No, no, no.

The true story is, that she
was getting serious about me

and it scared her, that's all.

Laura's not ready for a mature
relationship right now.

Little wimp.

Charles, every day Earl Dawson
threatens to punch me out

if I don't give him
my lunch money.

Well, today,
I couldn't take it anymore.

What'd you do?

I gave him my lunch money.

I know Earl Dawson.
He's cute!

Yeah, has he ever asked you
out on a date?

No.

Maybe he will, now that he has
some money.

Jamie, that's terrible!
Do you really think he will?

Adam, you have to stand up
to bullies.

Don't give this kid
another penny.

What if he stomps on my head?

It's better to have your head
stomped on by a man

than your heart stomped on
by a woman.

Boy, Buddy was right, Charles.
When Laura Wilson dumped you,

you went nuts.

Hey, I... Wait a minute.
She did not dump me, okay?

Where'd you come from?

Chicago.

You must be exhausted.
Heh.

Uh, no, we just moved in
next door.

My name is Max Agajinian.
What's yours?

I'm Charles.

Does your mom know
where you are?

Uh, no. Both my parents work,
but, um...

are you gonna eat
that whole cake?

Uh, no, I'm not.

Here. Take a piece,
but do me a favor.

Eat it at home, okay?
- Thanks!

There you go.

Yeah, I'll be back.
- Alright.

You know, you've got some
pretty neat looking babes

living here.

Hey, Adam!

You know Adam is shrinking?

You had to tell the girls
Laura dumped me, didn't you?

Charles, I detect some bad
vibes around here.

Look, you gotta forget about
Laura, and my new girlfriend's

girlfriend is just the girl
to help you do it.

No, Buddy. I'm not in the mood
for any more

meaningless relationships.

You have a new girlfriend?

Her name is Tammy Layton.
She's the aerobics instructor

down at
the Better You Health Club.

You'll meet her tonight
when you go out

with her girlfriend.

How long you been going out
with this aerobics instructor?

Oh, not too long.

Actually,
tonight's our first date.

Is this
the Spanish Inquisition?

No, Buddy, it's Déjà Vu!
I've been here before.

Girls are afraid to go out
with you alone,

so you take me along
on a double date,

and I get stuck with
Jabba the Hutt!

No, Charles, your date is not
Jabba the Hutt,

far from it.
- Oh. You met her, huh?

Well, not in person...

but I know a lot about her.
- Yeah, like what?

Well, like, um...

Her name is Beth.
- Hey!

Well, that makes a difference,
Buddy. Of course I'll go.

I mean, any girl named Beth
has gotta be blonde,

blue-eyed, beautiful and have
a black belt in brains.

Right! I knew you see it
my way.

Meet us down at the health
club at seven, alright?

[Charles]: Wait, come on!

Hello?
[Buddy]: Charles, you're early.

What are you doing?

[Buddy]: I'm dressing
for my classes.

The lockers were all taken
by gorgeous women.

[Charles]:
I cannot go through with this.

I am tired of meeting
the wrong women.

It's different for you.

The wrong ones are the only
ones you like.

[Buddy]: Not anymore, Charles.

I've changed. I've matured.

You'd do well to start taking
me seriously.

You've certainly
got me convinced.

Hey, hey, hey.
I'm dressed for success.

I'm telling you, this place is
full of beautiful young women.

The weight lifting room
is down the hall, ladies.

Charles, look, just meet Beth,
that's all I ask.

You'll love her, I promise.

Hi, Tammy.
- Hi.

Uh, Charles, this is Tammy.

Oh, hi. Beth should be here
in a second.

She was right behind me.
Excuse me.

Hoo hoo. Well, if Beth looks
anything like Tammy...

Hi!
[Charles]: Hey!

Oh, hi. My name is Charles.
I've been waiting for you.

Well, it's nice to know that
you were waiting for me.

My names Janice.
- Janice?

Oh, well, uh...
Would you be willing

to change your name to Beth?

No.

Okay, let's warm up.

[aerobics music playing ♪]

Buddy! Buddy!
- I can't hear you, Charles!

I'm feeling the burn!

I heard him call you Charles.
I'm Beth Thompson.

I understand
we have a date tonight.

Well, yes, we certainly do.

Beth, come up here.

Class, this is Beth Thompson.
She teaches the women's

bodybuilding course
down the hall.

Beth, show the class
the fruits of your labor.

[exhaling]

I like you, Charles.

Are you sure you're not going
with anyone?

Oh, yeah, I'm very sure.

I... I just had a girlfriend
but, uh, we broke up.

You're kidding? I just broke
up with my boyfriend.

Oh, would you like to talk
about it?

No, not at all. Would you?
- No, no.

Matter of fact, I hate people
that talk about people

they just broke up with.

[sighs]
Her name was Laura.

She was a wonderful person.
- So was Mike.

We went together for three
years.

[laughing]
Oh, I...

Hi, you guys.
- And where have you two been?

I had to close at the gym
tonight. Excuse me, Buddy.

I'm gonna go freshen up.
- I'll go with you.

[whispering]:
Buddy, Buddy, come here.

Sit down! Beth is great,
I'm telling you.

She's funny, she's pretty,
she's smart, she's terrific!

No, Charles, she has muscles.

Going out with a girl with
muscles is like...

carrying a hand grenade
in your underwear.

Oh, hello, doodlebug!

Hello, Charles. We didn't know
you were going to be here.

We brought the children down
for dinner.

Why don't we all have dinner
together?

Oh, we'd love to, mother,
love to, but can't.

You see, Buddy and I are here
with babes and, uh,

they're in the ladies room
right now.

Oh, well don't let us
inhibit you.

We'll just eat and leave.
- Okay.

Have a good time, sweetheart.
- Enjoy.

Thanks.
- Bye.

We gotta get outta here,
Buddy.

Keep your hands off me,
you creep.

Hey, what's the problem?
- Nothing, he's just drunk.

Hey, what's the matter?
- I can handle this, Charles.

Look, why don't you take a
walk, pal, okay?

Please, Charles!

Whoa!

Wow!

And stay out!

[doorbell ringing]

Hey.
- Charles,

I haven't see you in days,
and it's all my fault.

I never should have fixed you
up with Beth.

Why?

Because I knew you wouldn't
like her.

I knew you had nothing
in common, but I didn't care.

All I wanted was a date
with Tammy,

and I'm sorry, Charles.
- Buddy, Buddy,

the reason you haven't heard
from me is because

I've been spending all my free
time with Beth.

Oh, I get it. You're afraid
to stop seeing her, right?

Why would I be afraid?

Because she throws men
through doors.

Look, Charles, you wouldn't
even be seeing Beth

if Laura hadn't broken up
with you.

You're on the rebound
and you'd better be careful,

or Beth will slam dunk you
so hard,

you'll never bounce back again.

Buddy, I happen to like her.
In fact, I'm crazy about her.

I mean, the Powells like her.
Mr. Powell likes her,

everybody likes her.
She's in the kitchen

with Mr. Powell right now.

She may be muscular, but she's
very feminine.

[Mr. Powell]: Whoa!

I'm sorry you lost, Walter.

Let's arm wrestle again
some time,

when that old w*r wound
of yours isn't acting up.

Charles, I promised the kids
I'd take them shopping,

so, I'll see you later.
- Okay. Have fun.

Ha ha ha ha.
I'm gonna go work out.

You wanna go?
- Oh sure.

Work out. You're gonna need
all the strength you can get.

[doorbell ringing]
[Mr. Powell]: Doorbell!

[doorbell ringing]
[Mr. Powell]: Doorbell!

[indistinct muttering]

Uh, how ya doing?
Your back door was locked.

Who are you?
- Max. I'm Max.

Hey, you got any of that
chocolate cake left?

Sure.
You wanna arm wrestle?

Sure!

Hey, what are you two guys
doing here?

Oh, we're getting warmed up
for our class.

Beth convinced us that today's
women don't have to accept

the traditional role
of the weaker sex.

Hey. I'll be down in the
weight room pumping some iron.

Next time Earl Dawson tries to
take my lunch money,

old Earl's gonna bite
the big one.

Excuse me, are you the guy
who's going out

with Beth Thompson?
- Yeah.

Ah, you must be Charles.
Heard a lot about you.

In fact, Beth talks about you
all the time.

Is she a terrific lady
or what?

Yeah, yeah, she sure is.
You know her pretty well?

Very well. I'm her boyfriend,
Mike Novak.

Remember me, because if you
don't keep away from Beth,

I'm the guy that's gonna break
your arms and legs,

and everything in between.
Have a nice day.

Oh yeah?

He was serious.
- Don't worry.

Charles is the one that taught
me to stand up to bullies.

He's not afraid, are you?

Charles, I just saw Mike
leaving. Did he threaten you?

Yeah, he said he'd break every
bone in Charles' body.

I am so sick of him doing this
to every man I meet.

I finally found one
who isn't afraid of him.

Who's that?
- You!

[doorbell ringing]

Ha!

Hi.

Charles, I haven't seen you
for days, but this time

I understand. The kids told me
about Beth's ex-boyfriend

threatening to beat you up.

I don't blame you
for hiding out.

I'm not hiding out, Buddy.
I've been spending all my

free time with Beth.
- You have?

Yeah.

Well, I guess I was wrong.
Maybe Beth is the girl for you.

No, she isn't, Buddy.
All she talks about

is body building
and her ex-boyfriend.

We have nothing in common!

Then why do you go out with her?

Because I thought
I liked her, Buddy.

But I was on the rebound,
like you said.

When I saw Laura at school
I realized that if she hadn't

broken up with me, I wouldn't
have had more than one date

with Beth.

Then all you have to do
is break up with Beth.

No, no, no Buddy,
I can't do that.

Her boyfriend, Mike,
threatened me

in front of the kids.

And I'm the one who told Adam
he has to stand up to bullies.

Now, what kind of role model
would I be

if I backed down now.
- A live one.

First of all, I like Beth.
I don't want to hurt

her feelings, alright?
Second of all,

I can't let the kids
think I'm afraid.

[Mr. Powell]: Ow!

Beth is here?
- Yeah, she gave Mr. Powell

a rematch.

Sorry, Walter.
Better luck next time.

Charles, I'll see you later
at the gym.

Okay, bye.

Delightful girl.

That's why I keep
letting her win.

Look, Charles, if you wanna be
a role model for the kids

why don't you forget your ego
and give 'em a lesson

in honesty.
- yeah.

Charles, I just heard that
a big bully threatened you.

What's this monster's name?
I'm calling the police.

Mom, he's not a monster.
His name is Mike Novak,

and he just happens to be
in love with Beth.

Look, I'll be fine, okay.
Don't worry about me.

I got to go to school.

Charles, you're not going to
school alone, are you?

He said he's alright, Sarah.
He's a grown man.

Thank you.

We should all stop worrying
about Charles.

Let him lead his own life.

Do you wanna follow him,
or should I?

Let's both do it.

Poor Charles. We've gotta
think of a way to get him out

of this mess.

Wait a minute.
I know how to handle it.

It's just like in that classic
novel, The Song of the Thrush ,

when Lady Canbury saved the
life of the innkeeper's son!

No, Sarah. It's like when
Captain Cosmos was forced to

fire up his lasers and blow
Zo-thar's guts

all over the galaxy!

I think you both had better
let me handle this.

I know exactly what to do.

Actually it's like what
happened to Lance

on All My Tomorrows .

Jamie, that's a soap opera.

That doesn't mean
it isn't real.

Okay, see when Lance was
engaged to Tiffany,

Erica found out she was
pregnant, and Hilary had been

blackmailing Erica ever since
Heather's body was found

in the trunk of Lance's car.
Anyway, when Brent found out

Heather was dead, he accused
Lex of having an affair

with Erica, which was
ridiculous since we all know

that Lex is really having an
affair with Lance...

Good, and that's it for today.

Okay, girls, let's hit the
showers.

Hey, Beth! Come with me
while I change.

No, that's okay.
Charles is planning on

meeting me here and we're
gonna work out together.

Oh, well. Bye
- See you later.

Beth, I think I should warn
you about something.

You see, Charles may seem like
a nice guy, but way down deep,

he's a cold,
male chauvinist pig.

Jamie!
- It's true!

He wants a woman who will give
up her career to cook,

clean, have babies
and wait on him.

Funny, Charles never mentioned
that to me.

Of course not.
You see, men like Charles

never tell women
until it's too late.

Well, I just thought I should
warn you, in case you wanna do

something smart,
like dump him.

Beth, I've gotta talk to you.

There's nothing
to talk about, Mike.

Sure there is.
There's us to talk about.

Mike Novak?

Listen, man.
and listen tight.

My son is a good boy.

He never hurt anyone
in his life.

You lay a finger on him,

you'll have to answer to me,

and believe you me,

it's not gonna be pretty.

Wow, I wonder who her son is.

Charles.

Mike Novak?
- Yeah.

I'm Walter Powell.
Charles has been very good

to my grandchildren and I want
you to know I'm behind him

all the way.

You get tough with us,
you'll be singin' soprano

for the rest of your short
but painful life.

What's goin' on?

Charles has a lot of friends.

He happens to be
a very nice guy.

So am I.
I'm a wonderful guy.

Beth, if we can just talk,
I know we can work out

our differences.

Okay. Let me go get my robe.

I'll be right back.

Mike Novak?
- Yeah.

Hi. Is Beth around?

Uh, yeah. She's busy right now.

Oh.

I think it's wonderful that
she's helping Charles

work out, in spite of his
tragic condition.

What tragic condition?

You don't know about it?

He only has a few weeks left.

That's why it's so nice of
Beth to grant him

his last request.
- What last request?

He want's to die with muscles.

What?
- Yes!

That's the only reason
Beth's been helping him.

She's been very kind.

I hope everyone will be kind
to Charles.

Hate to see him get hurt
before the funeral.

Mike Novak?
[Mike]: What?

I want to talk to you.
[Mike]: I wanna talk
to you too.

Listen, guys, there's no
reason for this.

Mike Novak?
- What!

Come on in, Brutus.

[exhaling heavily]

Well, Charles, I guess
I finally caught up with you.

Listen, I don't like an
audience when I'm punching

somebody out so, uh,

why don't the rest of you
just leave, okay?

Beat it, lamo.
I gotta talk to Charles.

Hey, forget it, slim.
He's mine. If there's anything

left when I'm done I'll throw
it into your cage, okay?

Your eyes are beautiful when
they're red.

If you need help,
I'll be outside.

Okay, Charles,
let's settle this now.

Alright, Mike, look..

Beth and I aren't going to see
each other anymore.

It's not because
I'm afraid of you.

The only reason Beth went out
with me is because

she couldn't go out with the
guy she really loves.

Charles!
- Now, look.

That's the truth.
You don't want to be with me.

You want to be with Mike.
- I don't think so.

No, I know so.
You're all she talked about.

Let's face it. We were both
on the rebound, Beth.

I was trying to forget
about Laura,

you were trying to forget
about Mike.

Unfortunately, we just
rebounded

into the wrong court.

Now, let's all be honest here.
I think you guys

belong together.

You should get married,
and raise little biceps.

Come on, you're crazy about
each other. Admit it.

There. See what I mean?
Oh, one more thing.

Mike, don't ever
threaten me again.

It makes my mother
very nervous.

[doorbell ringing]

Hey, Charles,
you wanna go work out?

I can't leave right now,
Buddy. Any minute

that doorbell's gonna ring,
and my life is gonna change.

Oh, Charles, you're living in
a dream world.

Now, you see what happens when
a guy gets burned by a woman.

You gotta forget that Laura
even dumped you.

Women can really put a worm
in your apple.

[doorbell ringing]
Charles...

Charles!
- Hi!

Mike wanted to apologize.
- Yeah, Beth and I made up.

Thanks. You know, you must be
a real nice guy

to have all these people
pitchin' for you.

You shoulda heard the story
Sarah laid on me.

And the one Jamie told me.

What story?

Wow, Jamie, we're gonna be
late for school.

Yeah, right. See ya.
- Wait a minute...

Well, goodbye, Charles.
- Bye.

Thanks a lot.
- Have a good life.

Hey, Adam.
Wanna go pump some iron?

Oh, I don't need it anymore.

Oh, really? What if
Earl Dawson tries to

take your lunch money?

Oh, Sarah's got that covered.
She told Earl that if he ever

bothers me again, she'd break
his arms and his legs,

and everything in between.

You're right, Buddy.
Women are tough.

They cause us nothing
but pain.

[doorbell ringing]
Excuse me.

Hi, Janice.
- Hello, Charles.

See you later, Buddy.

Charles!

You're begging for more pain.

Eh, no pain, no gain.

Hi.
- Don't "hi" me, Jamie.

What was that story you laid
on Beth?

Oh, it was just a little trick
I learned from watching

All My Tomorrows.

A soap opera? No, Jamie,
come on. I keep telling you

those things are trash.

They're just a waste of
valuable time.

Charles, I was trying to help
you. It was a good idea, too.

You see, when Erica found out
she was pregnant,

she told Hilary that Tiffany
had m*rder*d Heather,

so Hilary would blackmail
Tiffany and Tiffany would have

to break her engagement
to Lance.

No wonder your plan
didn't work.

What do you mean?

Lance wasn't the father of
Erica's baby. It was Brent.

He m*rder*d Heather because
she was going out with Lex,

who turned out to be Tiffany's
long lost brother.

If you're gonna waste your
time, at least pay attention.

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see, I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪