04x03 - Dueling Presleys

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives down stairs
and is understood ♪

♪ He's there
just to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our
wrongs and our rights,
and I see ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our
wrongs and our rights,
and I see ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪♪

- Stephanie I really want
to see you tonight

but unfortunately I can't.

No no, you think I want to stay
in all night and study?

Buddy get the kids
for breakfast.

[Buddy yelling]
Kids, come to breakfast!

- Yes thank you, Buddy.

Look Stephanie,
I'm really sorry.

Can we get together
tomorrow night?

Great okay, I'll tell you what,
I'll call you later, okay?

Uh yeah yeah kiss kiss bye.

- Charles, what's the deal,
I thought you liked Stephanie?

- I do.
I love Stephanie.

- Well then why don't you
show her you love her?

- My eggs are burned!

- That's the oldest excuse
in the book.

- Good morning, Charles.
I've solved my problem.

- Yes, you're sending Anthony
to military school.

- Anthony is not a problem.
I have an announcement to make.

Are you ready?

It's Elvis week
at the Yesterday Cafe.

Elvis is back
and Lillian's got him.

- You found him?

I knew he was alive, Charles.
I knew he was alive.

- Buddy, Buddy!
- I knew it I knew it!

- Please take a breath, okay?

My mom is talking about
an Elvis impersonator.

- I just got the contracts
and the publicity.

Read these reviews.

- Charles,
look at this photograph.

This is no impersonator,
this is the real Elvis.

- Hello Lillian,
Charles, Anthony, Daffy.

- Mr. Powell, Aunt Lillian

got Elvis Presley
to work in her diner.

- Oh really,
I thought he retired

shortly after he died.

[Lillian] He did.
That's why I had to get

an Elvis Presley impersonator.

Elvis was my all time
favorite entertainer.

I have every record
he ever made.

- Lillian, I hope
you didn't hire

some sleazy show business creep

who's gonna take advantage
of your good nature.

- Oh no, Mr. Powell,
read these reviews.

My mom didn't just find this
guy in the gutter, you know.

She found him in uh,
Mom, where'd you find this guy?

- Anthony found him.

- Ah, see Anthony found this
sleazy show business creep.

- Hey Charles,
you're confusing me

with the old Anthony.
I'm a whole different guy.

- Ooh, what are you
an Anthony impersonator?

- No Charles,
he's the real Anthony.

Just like this is
the real Elvis.

I know these things.

- If the real Anthony
found this guy,

we're going to have
real trouble, alright?

- Oh lighten up, Charles,
all I did was cut out some ads

for Elvis impersonators.

Hey, this guy's
supposed to be the best.

- Oh oh, there's a problem
in the contract.

It says here
"because of security reasons,

Elvis will not stay
in a hotel."

If I can't find him a place
to stay, I'm gonna lose him.

- Well Aunt Lillian,
he'll only be here

for a few days,
why doesn't he stay with you?

- What Buddy?
He can't stay with my mom.

Anthony is staying with my mom.
She doesn't have the room.

- Okay then, why doesn't Anthony
stay with you?

[Charles laughing]
Surely you jest.

I'd rather stay with Elvis.

- You would?

- Gee Charles,
that's really nice of you.

- Well I'm not crazy
about the idea,

but for your mother's sake,
I'll give my permission.

- Permission for what?

- For Elvis to stay
in your room.

- Oh now wait a minute.
You don't think I want

this guy staying with me.

- Well of course
you don't, sweetheart.

That's what'd make
the sacrifice so sweet.

Thank you, you saved my life.

- I could cry.

- Me too.

- Uh Stephanie,

my love, my darling,

light of my life.
I-I-I I can't believe

this is happening,
you see I have to postpone

our date for tonight.

I have a houseguest.

No, of course it's true.

I-I-I I'm sharing my room
with Elvis Presley.

Um, hello?

Hello!

- Charles, are you
finally off the phone?

I'm expecting a call.

- Jamie, I was on the phone
for two minutes.

Two minutes is all a woman
needs to lay enough guilt

on a man to last him
the rest of his life.

- I could do it in one minute.

- Charles!

Charles, I just found out
the guy your mom hired

is from Tupelo, Mississippi.

The real Elvis
is from Tupelo, Mississippi.

Tupelo plus Tupelo
equals fourpelo!

- Buddy please,
will you just stop it, huh?

Look, if Elvis was still alive,
he'd be over 50 years old.

- Well so would d*ck Clark,
but he isn't.

[Adam] Grandpa!

Hey, a red, white, and blue van
just drove up.

- Okay everybody, he's here.

Now remember, he only answers
to the name Elvis.

[entrance music plays]

♪♪

- How you doing?

- Wella-wella-wella
ah-huh.

- I'm Walter Powell.
You'll be staying

in Charles' room.
Do whatever you like,

just don't do it
from the waist down.

- Ah-hooh-ah-hooh-ah-hoo
ah-huh-huh.

- I'm glad
we understand each other.

[Lillian sighs]

Elvis.
You beat me here.

Um kids, why don't you help
unload the van?

- Kids!

- Oh uh, sure Auntie Lillian.

[Charles clears throat]

Elvis I'll um, I'll show you
to your room, alright?

- No, no, Charles,
let me do it, please?

There's a lot of questions
I want to ask him.

- Not too many, Buddy.
He has to go to bed.

- Mom, it's only noon.

- His contract says
he sleeps in the daytime.

- Oh of course.

Right this way, your Elvisness.

- Uh-wella-wella uh-huh.

- Oh I was hoping
you'd say that.

- Oh Charles,
I really appreciate this.

Elvis is gonna take my diner
right over the top.

Well I better go
help him unpack.

- M-M-M Mom did you notice

that this guy,
he didn't say one real word?

- Uh-huh.

Elvis is like that.
Trust me, I'm an authority.

He lets his pelvis
do his talking.

- Mom, if this guy
sleeps all day,

what does he do at night?

- He practices.

♪ Although it's always crowded,
you still can find some room ♪

♪ Where broken hearted lovers
go to cry away their gloom ♪

♪ You'll be so lonely baby,
you'll be so lonely ♪

♪ You'll be so lonely
you could die ♪

- Oh! Oh! Oh!

Charles, Charles!

Did you hear,
did you hear that?

- No Buddy,
I finally fell asleep.

I didn't hear anything.

- You didn't?
One more time!

♪ Well since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell ♪

♪ Well it's down at the end of
lonely street ♪

♪ At Heartbreak Hotel... ♪

[Buddy] I'm telling you.
[Charles] Buddy, please.

[Buddy] I'm telling you.
[Charles] Buddy, will you stop.

- Come on.
I don't want to hear

Elvis anymore.

You have any idea
what it's like trying to sleep

with someone standing
above your bed

wiggling, and sneering,
and going,

"Ah-hooh-ah-hooh-ah-hooh
ah-wella uh-huh?"

- Yeah and she almost
got me kicked out of the dorm.

[tapping on glass door]

[Charles] Stephanie!

- Charles, if you don't want to
see me anymore, just say so.

- No, I do.
I love seeing you.

- Then why did you make up
that ridiculous story

about Elvis
staying in your room?

- Uh Stephanie, this is Elvis.

- Wella-wella-wella uh-huh-huh.

- I don't believe this.

You actually hired
an Elvis impersonator

to back up your lie?

- No wait, wait, wait Steph,
Stephanie, please wait a minute.

- Forget it, Charles
I'm late for class.

- No please.
Will you just meet me

at the diner later, okay,
and I'll explain everything?

And look, and if you don't
believe me, then you can,

you can have me taken out
and shot, okay?

- I'll think about it.

- Hi-ya Elvis.

It's morning,
time for you to go to bed.

We gotta get rested up for your
big opening night tonight.

- Bigga-bigga-bigga-bigga,
uh-huh-huh.

- You know, Charles,
Stephanie is right.

You've been avoiding her.

- What, what are you
talking about, Buddy?

I'm crazy about her.
I date her a lot.

- Yeah maybe so, but you're
afraid to be alone with her.

- That's ridiculous.

I was alone with her
two nights ago.

- At the game, there were

- Hey, I didn't invite them.

- Adam. What are you doing?

- I'm in the Elvis
souvenir business.

I can sell his picture
to my friends for a bundle.

- That is not the real Elvis.

- Doesn't matter,

he's in show business
and my friends are stupid.

- Gloria!

Gloria, I love you.

Why did you leave me?

- Elvis, wake up, hey.

Come on, she didn't leave you,
she's right here, look.

I didn't leave you.
I'm right here, woof woof.

- That's not Gloria.

- Hey!
You're talking.

- I am?
I shouldn't be,

I haven't said a word
in over a year.

- Who's Gloria?

- Gloria's the only girl
I've ever loved.

She walked out
of my life forever.

- I don't think it was
anything personal.

Maybe she...liked you
but didn't like Elvis.

- I wasn't Elvis then,
I was just myself.

I was, Wendell Cummings,
a singing garage mechanic.

♪ Get a lube job, hear a tune,
in by nine and out by noon ♪

- That's catchy.
- Thanks.

- Is that why you became Elvis?

- Yeah.

When Gloria left me, I--

and I found out
she didn't love me,

I just didn't want to
be me anymore.

Everybody likes Elvis.

- Now look, Wendell,

I'm not one
to give advice but

seems to me that if
this Gloria lady didn't,

didn't love you then
that's her loss, you know?

You can't let it
wreck your life.

- Why not?

- Well because uh,

you know, maybe she was
the wrong woman.

And somewhere out there
is the right woman

and I tell you something,
she's not going to find you

if the real you
is hiding inside of Elvis.

- I just don't want
to get hurt.

- You're hurting now.

So what have you got to lose?

Why don't you
think about it, alright?

Try and get a good day sleep.

- Charles, I was good to Gloria.

I mean, I just wanted to be
her loving teddy bear.

Where did I go wrong?

- You didn't, by any chance,
call her a hound dog, did you?

- I treated Gloria
like a queen.

- Well then forget her Wendell.

Gloria doesn't deserve you.

Hey, she ain't never
caught a rabbit

and she ain't no friend
of yours.

- Hi Steph, this is Charles.

Will you please meet me
at the diner

around 2 o'clock today?

This is not a recording.

Hey Elvis, who woke you up?

- I'm Wendell.

- Wendell, who woke you up?

- You did, Charles,
and I thank you for that.

Charles, I've decided
to stop being Elvis.

- Wait, you mean after you do
the show for my mom tonight.

- No I mean now.
I mean, thanks to you,

I'll never be
Elvis Presley again.

[Lillian] Anybody home?

Oh Elvis, Charles,
We are completely sold out.

I even had to order
extra tables.

This is gonna be
the happiest night of my life.

I'm gonna order
some extra chairs.

[Charles] Great.

- Elvis, are you excited
about the opening?

- Oh...

- Uh-huh.

- Wendell please,
please, please.

One more night.
One more performance,

then you can go back
to being yourself, okay?

Otherwise, you're gonna break
my mother's heart.

- Geez I'm sorry Charles,
but you taught me,

I'm never gonna find
the right woman

as long as I'm somebody else.

I'm never gonna hide
in Elvis again and,

thanks to you, I'm free!

- Thanks to me, I'm dead.

- Oh hi, where's Elvis?

- He quit.

[Adam] No?
[Charles] Yes.

- Charles, what are all those
kids doing in our front yard?

- I promised them Elvis
would sign autographs.

A quarter a piece.

- There is no Elvis.
There's only Wendell.

- Well who's Wendell?

- Wendell was Elvis
but there will never be

Elvis again because
I talked him into quitting.

- Thanks a lot, Charles.

I can't sell
an autograph of Wendell.

My friends aren't that stupid.

- Oh, you think
you got problems, Adam, huh?

You think you got a problem?
If I don't keep my date

with Stephanie tonight,
she'll k*ll me.

And after she kills me,
she'll break up with me.

Meanwhile, thanks to me,
my mom doesn't have an Elvis.

So if I don't
break my date with Stephanie,

find another Elvis,
my mom will k*ll me

right after Stephanie kills me
for breaking our date.

That's a problem.

- Of course I'm upset, Buddy.

Tonight this place
could be jammed with people

expecting to see Elvis
and the guy's not showing up.

- Charles, relax, he'll show up.
Elvis Presley is a pro.

- The late Elvis Presley
is a pro.

- Okay so he's late.
Better late than never.

- Buddy, I've told you once,
I'll tell you again.

This guy is not Elvis.

He was just pretending
to be Elvis

because some lady
broke his heart.

He's afraid of getting
hurt again.

- Oh you mean, like you?

- Yes.
No.

- Yes.

Gwendolyn Pierce
broke your heart.

Now you're afraid
to get close to Stephanie

because you're afraid
she'll break your heart

the way Gwendolyn did.

- You know, you're like
Dear Abby without the laughs.

- Hi Charles.

- Hi Stephanie,
what are you doing here?

- What do you mean?
We had a date?

- Oh of course we did.
I-I-I I knew that, I knew that.

But I just have
one little problem...

- Excuse me, I can't stand
to see a grown man bleed.

- Charles, what's going on?
I know you like me.

But every time I get close to
making contact, you back away.

- Me, back away?
Come on, hey,

I want to make contact.

- So then why don't you?

- I will, I-I-I I just have to
find another Elvis.

- Elvis, how can you even
say that to me!

- Alright, I didn't!
I will never say the word

Elvis again, okay?

- Charles, if you have any hope
of having Elvis here tonight,

you better go home.
He's leaving town.

- You'll have to excuse me,
Steph...

- No Charles, this time
I won't excuse you!

- But Stephanie, wait a minute.

- Charles, your mom
is expecting Elvis

to perform here tonight.
You gotta do something.

- Not now, Sarah.

- Yes, now!
Charles, you're the one

who convinced Wendell
to stop being Elvis.

- Good Sarah,
make me feel guilty.

Thank you, you're turning into
a real woman.

- Oh thank you, Charles.

- Jamie, where's Wendell?

- Oh, he left.
- [Charles moans]

Oh, that's it.
I'm dead.

- Sorry, Charles.

[entrance music plays]

- Wella-wella wella
uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!

Charles, it's me, Buddy.

Don't you get it?

I can work
in your mom's diner tonight.

Did I solve your problem
or what?

[doorbell rings]

[Walter] Doorbell!
[Charles] Doorbell.

[Charles] Hi Stephanie, I--

- Here Charles,
I'm giving you back

every present you ever gave me!

- I gave this to you
cuz I wanted you to have it.

- For what?

To look at on those cold nights
when I'm sitting at home alone?

- The thing is,

see I was in love

once before in my life
and it was very painful.

And um,

see I'm dangerously close
to falling in love again

and I really don't want to
do that because

one of us might get hurt
and it'll probably be me.

- Oh.

Well then in that case,

let's never see
each other again.

- I'd rather get hurt.

Not now Jamie, we're fighting.

- Well you'd better break it up

cuz your mom's on her way
over here to see Elvis.

- I don't believe this!
- What...

- Elvis again.
- Wait, wait, wait.

Wait Stephanie, please look.

Just give me
one more chance, okay?

And I promise you, by tonight,

uh if Elvis is not
out of my life, you can,

you can rip my lips off
with your bare hands.

Just one more chance.

- Well...

I'll probably end up
ripping your lips off, but okay.

- Alright, thank you.
I'll see you later.

- Oh hey Charles,
did you tell your mom

that I'm playing
Elvis tonight?

- Um.

[doorbell rings]

- Actually
[Walter] Doorbell!

- Doorbell.

- Who is it?

[Lillian]
It's your Aunt Lillian.

- Don't tell her anything.

- Hi Buddy.

Is that your real hair?

- Uh, wella uh-huh.

- Buddy, where's Elvis?

- Wella...

He quit.

[Lillian screams}

- Wella-wella baby uh-huh.

- Is that you, Charles?

Wella-wella-wella-wella-well.

- Wella-wella-wella-wella-well.

[both] Wella-wella-wella-wella-
well...

[Lillian screams]

- Have you boys
lost your minds?

My reputation, my diner,
they're all at stake.

There's only two hours
until showtime.

I have to have an authentic
Elvis on that stage.

- Uh Momma, um Mom.

Unfortunately, Buddy and I are
the only two choices you have.

- You're wrong, Charles.

I only have one choice.

I'm gonna go bankrupt,

lose my business,
and end up a bag lady.

Stephanie, this will only take
a minute, okay?

Mom!

I gotta go find my mom.
I'll be right back.

Mr. Powell,
have you seen my mother?

- No, Charles,
I can't even believe I'm here.

I mean I never went
to see Elvis when he was alive.

Now that he's gone,
I have to take

my whole family to see him.

- Don't worry, sir.
Nobody's going to see him.

- Yes they are.
Didn't anyone tell you, Charles?

- Tell me what?

- Anthony got another Elvis.

- Oh no no, if he got Buddy,
my mom is finished.

- Look, Buddy's over there.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
kids of all ages,

the Yesterday Cafe is proud
to present

the King of Rock 'n' Roll,
Elvis!

- ♪ Well since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell ♪

♪ It's down at the end
of lonely street ♪

♪ it's Heartbreak Hotel ♪

♪ I feel so lonely baby,
I feel so lonely ♪

♪ I feel so lonely
I could die ♪

- You said
no more Elvis, Charles.

You just lost your lips.

- No. That's not Elvis,
that's my mother.

♪ I feel so lonely
I could die ♪

- Ladies and gentlemen,
Elvis has left the building.

Elvis has left the building.

- Listen Stephanie,
what do you say

we go back to my place and,

toss some darts?

Elvis won't be there
and you'll never hear the word

Elvis again.
Okay?

- Okay.
- Alright.

- To tell you the truth,
now that I know

you weren't trying to avoid me,

I don't even mind hearing
the word "Elvis."

Actually, I love Elvis Presley.

I've seen every movie
he's ever made.

- Whoa wait, wait,
wait a minute.

When you say that you,
that you love Elvis,

you don't mean
that you "love" Elvis?

- Let me put it this way,

he really turns me on.

You know what I mean?

- Ah-wella-wella baby uh-huh.

- Whoo!

- Wella-wella-wella...

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights,
and I see ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me. ♪

♪ Charles in Charge ♪