04x09 - Chargin' Charles

[bunniefuu]

.

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy in the
neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ he's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family
Charles in Charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights
Charles in Charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs and
our rights and I sing ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge of me
Charles in Charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights
Charles in Charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs and our rights
and I sing I want I want ♪

Charles in charge of me ♪♪

♪ ♪

- Hi Gail.
- Hi Charles.

- Come on in.
- Thanks.

Have a seat.

Charles, I showed your writing
to my boss at the newspaper,

and he liked it a lot.

Oh, he liked it,
that's great!

He said he'd hire you
in a second,

if there were any openings.

Well, that's the way
it goes I guess.

Charles, I don't want
you to be discouraged.

Wha, 'cuz I didn't get a
part-time job at the newspaper?

No way, nah, I could have used
the extra money,

but, well those are the breaks.

I wasn't thinking about the
money, I was thinking about

your future.
There's only one possibility.

- What?
- How are you at giving advice?

Huh! It's my life, I give these
kids advice all the time, why?

Well, the woman who writes the
"Dear Amy" column

at the newspaper is going to
be taking a few weeks off.

You could fill in for her
until she gets back.

Get outta here... come on,

you want me to change my name
to "Dear Charles?"

That's embarrassing,
I can't do that!

Nobody would have to know.

The column would still be
called "Dear Amy,"

but you'd be doing
all the writing.

But, looks, thanks
anyway Gayle.

I-I wanted a job,
but not that job.

What you wanted was a chance
to break into journalism.

And, there's something else
for you to consider, Charles.

If you took over Amy's column,
we'd be working together.

- Very closely.
- How closely?

- That closely.
- Um-um.

- Well, Charles?
- Please, call me Amy.

Hey, Amy, we brought you some
more letters, darling!

Hi, Charles, hows it going?

Gayle, I thought this was
supposed to be kept secret?

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought since
Buddy was your best friend...

Sure, Charles, lighten up,

I think what you're doing
is terrific!

So do I, you've been doing a
great job these last few days.

I only have one suggestion.
Some of your answers have been

- a little heavy.
- What do you mean?

Well, the readers of "Dear Amy"
want to be informed,

but they also want
to be titillated.

Oh, ah, you want me
to sleaze it up a little.

No, Charles, not sleaze it up,
just spice it up.

By the way, I'm going to be
attending a journalism seminar

in Atlantic City next weekend,

and I'd love to have
you go with me.

Let me think about it.
Okay, I'll go.

Bye, see you later.

Atlantic City, baby.
I love journalism!

Hey, hey, hey, no, come on.
Those are confidential.

What confidential?
They're going to be re-printed

in a newspaper tomorrow.

Look, wouldn't it save a lot
of time if I read the letters

and you just type the answers?

All right, just read them,
but don't comment on 'em, okay?

Okay, hoo, hoo, hoo! Oh, h*,
h*, I don't believe this one!

Come on, Buddy, I told you not
to comment on them!

- Now just read it, all right?
- Okay.

Dear Amy, there's a guy I'm not
supposed to go out with,

but I can't stay away from him,
so we sneak out and meet.

And sometimes we have to do it
in line at the supermarket.

Charles, they do it in line
at the supermarket.

- Is that possible?
- Not in the express lane.

Look, I think she means they
meet in the supermarket,

- Now finish reading it,
all right.
- Yeah, I'll bet.

You're the only one
I can turn to, Amy.

My father is away in the Navy,
my mom's a good mother,

but I don't think that she'd
understand my problem.

My grandfather lives with us,

but his ideas are pretty
old fashioned.

You know,
gimme this for a second.

Old fashioned, I, I have a
sister and a brother,

but I can't really
confide in them.

Theres also a college student
who lives in the house.

I'm just afraid if I told him
what I was doing,

somebody else would find out
that I'm seeing this boy,

and I'd be in serious trouble.
Help!

Signed, Frustrated
in New Brunswick.

Hey, does any of this
sound familiar to you?

Charles, look, I know it sounds
like Jamie wrote that letter,

but Jamie's allowed to date.

She wouldn't have to sneak
out to see a boy.

Only Sarah would have
to do that,

and Sarah wouldn't do that.

Hey, whoa whoa!

Hey, look at the typing here,
look at the 'G'.

- Uh-huh.
- You see how it's
slightly raised, huh?

Now, come here, look at this
letter I just typed.

Look at the 'G.'
They match don't they?

Hey, wait a minute, are you
saying you wrote this letter

to yourself Charles?

No, Buddy, I'm not saying that.
This is Sarah's typewriter!

Sarah typed this letter!
Know what that means?

That means she, that she's
running off to a supermarket

and meeting some slime ball!

Wait, wait a minute, Charles,

you're gonna have to
talk to her.

I can't talk to her, Buddy!
This is all confidential!

It would be like if I opened
her mail or, or if I went

through her diary.
Now, I'm gonna have to help her,

but I'm gonna have to do it
through Dear Amy's column.

Okay, okay,
but in the meantime,

if Sarah wants to go
to the supermarket,

I suggest we keep her
in the express lane.

Jamie, I don't want
to talk about it.

Ah, you're home!
Where've you been?

In school, Charles.
We... we go there a lot

Mom says we have to.

- Ta-dah!
- Adam, you handsome devil, you!

Charles, I'm driving Adam
over to Kevin Holloway's

birthday party, and I'd like
you to keep an eye
on the girls.

Oh, I'll keep both eyes
on her... uh, them.

- Bye
- All right have
a good time, Adam.

- I got it!
- I'll get it!

You know it's gonna be for me!

Hello?
No, this is Jaime.

Who?
You're kidding.

It's for you!

Congratulations, it's a boy!

Oh yeah... uh...
I'll take it upstairs.

Jaime, will you wait here
and hang this up for me?

- Oh, okay.
- Okay.

Charles, will you wait here
and hang this up for me?

Of course I will.
Why wouldn't I?

Ya, you think I want to
listen in on her conversation?

- Charles?
- Uh, yes sir?

Can you tell me why Adam didn't
take the trash out today?

Certainly, because he's uh,
going to a party

and, uh, Sarah's gonna
do it for him.

Oh, well, then there's
nothing to worry about.

When Sarah decides to do
something, she does it.

- Let's hope not.
- Right.

Charles?!
[fake talking in the phone]
Yeah, okay, okay, Bobby.

I'll... uh talk to you later,
all right bye.

- Yeah?
- I have to go to the library
and do some reading.

Well, why don't you stay
closer to home, Sarah?

Go in the kitchen,
read a cookbook.

Charles, I'm doing a report
on prehistoric animals.

Then, read an old cookbook.

Buddy?

Buddy, come in, Buddy.

- Buddy?
- Rosebud one to Ground Chuck.

I'm reading you
Ground Chuck, over.

Would you cut out the Ground
Chuck stuff, Sarah just left.

Get... get moving'!

Not unless you say it right.
Use your code, Ground Chuck.

This is Ground Chuck to Rosebud.
The bird is on the wing.

Take the dog for a walk!

Just a minute, take the dogs
for a walk...

Oh, yeah, here it is.
Oh, that means
I should follow her!


All right, Sarah,
read this and learn.

Dear, frustrated
in New Brunswick,

The fact that you have
to sneak out to see this boy

means something is wrong with
your relationship.

Talk to your mother.

If that's too difficult, talk
to the male college student.

Learn to trust him, he sounds
like a great guy,

and very, very
intelligent kid.

Psst, Charles.

Buddy, why didn't you
call in your report?

I think my batteries
are going dead.

I think your bulb
is a little dim too!

- What happened?
- Sarah went to the library,

sat across from an older boy.

She took out a sealed envelope,
put it on the table.

He took the envelope, put it in
his pocket and then he left.

An older boy? How much older?

A lot older, I'd say about 17.

That's it, he's dead meat!

Listen, I've got to put this in
tomorrows's column

and make sure that Sarah
reads tomorrow's paper!

That's when Amy's gonna
answer her letter.

But, what is Charles gonna do?

Charles, can't do anything.
The advice is coming from Amy.

Why can't Charles give
Sarah the advice?

Because Sarah doesn't know
that Charles is Amy!

But, what if Buddy tells
Sarah that Charles was Amy?

Then Charles will kick
Buddy's butt!

Right!

What... what section is it in?!

The entertainment section.

Okay, okay, let's see, uh...
Oh, here it is.

I have to put this in a place

where Sarah will be sure
to see it, all right?

- Okay.
- If this doesn't open her
eyes, nothin' will.

- Here it is.
- There is is.

Oh, you're not kiddin' Charles.

I've heard of
reverse psychology,

but this is ridiculous.
A motel room?

What?

Dear, frustrated
in New Brunswick.

It's time for you to cut
the apron strings,

and stop worrying
about public opinion.

When you and your boyfriend
need a little privacy,

don't sneak into a supermarket,
check into a motel room.

Buddy, I didn't write this!

Oh, good,
the afternoon paper!

- May I see it?
- No!

Uh, Sarah, this is not
today's paper.

See, this is an old paper!

It's, it's from 1974,
look at the headline.

"Nixon resigns." I need it for
my history class, excuse me.

When today's paper gets here,
will you let me know?

- Why?
- Because I want to see the
entertainment section.

Why?

Jaime and I want
to go to a movie,

so I'd like to see
what is playing.

Okay.

Did you hear that Buddy?

She wants to read
the "Dear Amy" column,

The one I didn't write!

I know, I know, but if you
didn't write it, then who did?

I don't know, but we have
to keep that paper
away from Sarah.

Hi, Gayle,
Look this is Charles.

Listen, I need you to come over
to the house right away,

all right?
It's important.

Yeah, oh, and listen, come to
the back door.
Right, bye.

- Charles.
- What?

I realize that Gayle is sexy,

but isn't this a bad time
for a date?

Buddy, it's not a date!

I have to make sure that
she puts my column

in tomorrow's paper.
In the meantime...

... we have to keep Sarah from
reading today's paper!

All right, now get rid of it!

- Okay, I'll take it out back.
- Okay.

What are you doing, Buddy?

Charles? Charles, do you know
that Sarah never did

take the trash out yesterday?

- That's terrible!
- Well, it's not that bad.

Well, sir, I-I think
it is you know!?

I think you should have a long,
long talk with Sarah.

- Oh.
- I'll take that for you, sir.

- Thank you.
- And I'll take the hat.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Oh, did today's paper come yet?

[in unison]
No, sir.

Well, when it comes,
will you let me know?

It's very important.
There's a feature article in it

about the
John Paul Jones Society.

They may even mention my name.

- Get rid of that paper!
- Okay, okay!

Oww! Hey, why'd you hit me in
the head with the paper?

Uh, it was an accident Adam!

- The paper get here yet?
- It hit me in the head!

The paper boy ought to be much
more careful.

But it came from...

Oh, Adam,
you might have a concussion!

No, no, it looks okay to me.

Why don't you go get ready
for dinner, okay?

Yeah, Adam, let's
get ready for dinner!

But...

May I please have my paper?
Paper?

Finally, huh-huh.

Charles, is the paper here yet?

Ahhh, it was, Sarah.
You'd better ask your
grandfather.

He should be coming
out of his room right now.

That's the darnedest thing,
I lost that paper.

Perhaps Sarah thew it out
with the trash.

I didn't take the trash out.

But you were supposed to, Sarah!

I'm sorry, I forgot.

Well, well, never mind.
I'll help you with it later.

Ah, if you want to do it now,
Mr. Powell,

I could look for
your paper for you.

Oh, oh, thank you, come on
Sarah, come on.

That is the strangest thing.

Buddy, come here.
When Gayle gets here

I wanna talk with her
alone okay?

So keep everybody out
of the kitchen.

Okay, that shouldn't
be too difficult

now that Mr. Powell
and Sarah are gone.

They're not gone, they just
went to throw the trash out.

What did you do
with the newspaper?

I... thew it in the trash.

In the trash, great!

Oh, Mr. Powell, I thought you
were throwing the trash out?

Oh, Sarah's doing it,
I was helping her

but, you know
the darnedest thing...

I found today's paper
in the trash can.

Sir, would you like a
little more lemonade?

- Oh, no, no.
- Let me get you a glass.

- Ohhh!
- Ohhh!

What's going on here?
I can't believe you did that!

What the... Lembeck, Lembeck!

You know what I think?

I think you're trying to stop
me from reading the paper!

I don't know why,
but it's not gonna work!

- Charles, guess what?
- What?

Grandpa found today's paper
in the trash can!

Sure, because you didn't throw
the trash out yesterday!

Sarah, uh, have a seat.
Listen, if, if you uh...

If you need somebody to talk to
I, I'm always here to listen.

But, not right now, so why
don't you go up to your room

and, uh, think.

Yeah, Sarah.
I'll walk you to the stairs.

Great, great, okay.

Gayle, hi, come on in.
We have a problem.

There was a mistake
in my column.

I didn't write that response to
frustrated in New Brunswick!

I know, I wrote it.

What do you mean, you wrote it?

Well, I thought your answer
was stodgy.

Oh! Well, I thought your answer
was sleazy.

Charles, my answer was sexy,
and that's what sells.

A newspaper is like
the human body.

The key to keeping it alive
is circulation.

If the circulation slows down,
then you have a sick body.

No, you see, the key to
circulation is the heart.

And if you don't have any
heart, you've got a dead body.

Charles, you have a lot to
learn about journalism.

Gayle, you're not talking
about journalism,

you're talking about
selling newspapers.

The girl who is
Frustrated in New Brunswick,

happens to be 13 years old.

Oh, well there's not much we
can do about that now, is there?

Yeah, there is.
Yeah, I want you to print
my column

in tomorrow's paper,
along with an apology

for giving her lousy advise.

No, Charles, I won't do that.

Okay, then I can't write
the article.

You can get someone else.

All right, if that's
the way you feel.

It's too bad, Charles.

You're missing out
on a good opportunity.

A couple of good opportunities.

So are you.

Hi, Charles, how was your day?

Oh, Mrs. Powell,
it was... educational.

Oh, hi, Mom. Oh, Charles, did
today's paper get here yet?

Yeah, it was here and gone,
and then here again,

and now it's gone again.

Charles, does this have
some significance?

You see this paper?
This is mine Charles.

I just went out and bought it,
nobody is to touch it.

Understand?
Nobody!

Grampa, can I just borrow the
entertainment section, please?

- Oh, Jaime!
- Please!

- Here!
- Thank you!

- Excuse me.
- Yes, excuse me!

Dad, today's paper
was in the freezer!

Well, there's only one
explanation for that!

- What is it?
- It beats the hell out of me!

Sarah, I don't want to do this,
but, uh, there's no other way.

I'm gonna let you in on a big
secret, all right?

I'm Amy.

- Huh?
- I'm Amy.

You mean you're not Charles?

Oh, of course I'm Charles, but,
secretly, I'm Amy.

Uh-huh, have you told
anyone else about this?

- Yeah, uh, Buddy knows.
- And he still likes you?

Sure he does, why wouldn't he?

I don't know, I've read
about stuff like this,

but I don't really
understand it.

What's to understand, Sarah?

I'm Amy.

How long have you been Amy?

Uh, just two days,
but I'm quitting.

Oh, good, is it hard to quit,
or do you just give it up?

I... I already gave it up.

Well, I'm proud of you Charles!

By the way, if you aren't
gonna do it anymore,

why'd you tell me about it?

- 'Cuz you wrote me a letter.
- No.

I hate to do this, Sarah,
but I'm going to have

to pull out the smoking g*n.

Does this look familiar to you?

No.

You, you didn't write this
letter to "Dear Amy"

in the newspaper?

"Dear Amy," is that who you
thought you were?

No, I didn't write this letter.

Come on, Sarah,
you were the one getting

mysterious phone calls
from a guy.

And Buddy saw you
in the library,

slipping some envelope
to the same guy!

That was Tom Dutton,
he's Barbara's big brother.

I've been helping him with his
homework, and he's embarrassed

about getting help
from an eighth grader.

But, Sarah, this was typed
on your typewriter.

Oh, I'll bet that's why Jamie
borrowed my typewriter

last week.
She's the only one

in the family
that reads "Dear Amy!"

Jamie wrote this letter?
I gotta talk to her!

Where is she?
Oh, she's downstairs.

She's reading the newspaper!

- Jaime, hi.
- Oh, oh, hi Charles.

Uh, look, we have to talk.
Um... I know you have a problem.

And, and, uh, I wanna help you.

- What do you mean?
- I saw your letter.

You read my... what letter?

The one in the paper.

I didn't think anybody ever
read that column.

Jaime, why would you have to
sneak out to see a boy?

See, there's this
new boy in school,

and no one knows him very well,
so he's not very popular.

I like him a lot, but I'm
afraid if I'm seen running

around with him,
I won't be popular either.

- That's it?
- That's it.

- That's all?
- Isn't that enough?

Yow!
That's more than enough, Jaime!

Sit down. Oh, boy,
you're cute, you know that!?

Believe it or not,
I had the same problem.

You see, my first year
in high school

I moved to a new town, right?
And I started dating

a very popular girl.

Did she go out with you
in public?

Of course she did.

We went to all the parties
and stuff,

and because she was so popular,
everybody accepted me.

You see, they figured
if she liked me,

then I had to be pretty cool.

- Wow, I never thought of that.
- Yeah!

Now, don't think of it as this
boy bringing you down.

This is an opportunity for you
to bring somebody up.

Yeah, hey, Charles, did you
ever think about writing

- an advice column?
- Get outta here!

Only a fool would give advice
to strangers.

Oh, I know, look it...
Like this dumb "Dear Amy."

She told me to rent
a motel room.

What's that got to do
with my problem?!

Jaime, you'll find in, in the
greater span of things...

Excuse me.

- Charles!
- Yeah, Buddy.

Charles, oh, Mr. Powell went
out and got his own newspaper!

But don't word about
Sarah seeing it,

I've got it right here!

You took
Mr. Powell's newspaper?

Yea, took it right
out his hand.

Oh, Buddy,
we don't need it anymore!

Besides, he's gonna k*ll
you for that!

- Ooh, oh, Uh-uh,
it was your idea!
- No, it...

Lembeck, Charles!
You're both dead!

Hey, Charles, I just had
another one

of my brilliant ideas!

I want to do a serious column
for serious nut cases.

I'm gonna call it,
"Ask Doctor Lembeck."

Buddy, you, you're not a doctor!

So, is Doc Severinsen a doctor?
Is Judge Rheinhold a judge?

Does Robin Williams
have a red breast?

Congratulations, Buddy,
you finally plumbed

the depths of your brain and
struck silly putty.

You're just jealous.

Hey, Gayle told me you two
broke up, how come?

Yeah, well, she's got
no sense of morality.

- You're kidding!
- No.

And she had the nerve
to invite me

to go with her
to Atlantic City!?

Thanks, Charles, now I know
what I'm gonna do.

What?

I'm gonna send you a postcard
when we get there!

It's just like him, isn't it?!

♪ Charles in Charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in Charge of our
wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ and I sing I want I want
Charles in Charge of me ♪♪

♪♪ Charles in Charge ♪♪