04x22 - Triple Threat

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ he's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪♪

What time is it now,
Aunt Lillian?

What time is it now?

Two minutes later than it was
the last time you asked me.

If your date said
she'd meet you here,
then she will!

It's not just a date,
Aunt Lillian!

It's the woman that I love.

It's the woman who will one day
be the mother of her children.

What time is it now,
Aunt Lillian?

Take my watch, please.

Thank you.

[both]
Hi, Buddy.

Oh, hi.

I can't talk right now, girls.

The woman of my dreams
is about to come through
that door any minute, now.

What time is it, Sarah?

I don't know.
Why don't you look
at your watch?

Yeah.

Wait a minute,
i-it can't be that late.

This watch must be defective.

Buddy,
if you don't trust your watch,

you know you can always phone
for the correct time.

Good idea.

Wait a minute.
I, I don't have 20 cents.

Aunt Lillian?

Do you want to buy a used watch
for 20 cents?

Sure.
I never could pass up a bargain.

Thanks.

I don't have a telephone.

- Hi.
- Hi.

[clears throat]
Aunt Lilian,

Sarah, Jamie.

This is the woman
I was telling you about.

[all]: Hi.

Come, my love, let us away.

I can't believe
she's Buddy's girlfriend.
She looked...

...nice.

Yes, she was absolutely lovely.

Not only that, Buddy kissed her,
and she didn't even slap him.

I know,
she seemed to like him a lot.

It's amazing.
You know, to look at her,

you'd never ever dream she had
a major mental problem.

You're right.
She's right.

Ah-ha, good, the Powellettes.

Listen, I'm expecting
a very important guest okay?

Let me know when she gets here.

Oh, another day, another date,
huh, Charles?

No, Jamie.

Not just another date.

The woman I am
going steady with.

You might even call her
the woman I love.

You, too?

We met Buddy's new girlfriend
at the diner today.

Buddy's really in love.

You're kidding me.
You mean, he finally broke down

and bought
that inflatable woman?

[laughs]

No, this is a real girl.

And, you know, she really seems
to love Buddy, too.

Yeah, you know what they say.
'For every man,
there's a woman.'

Or, in Buddy's case, for every
loon there's a loonette.

[laughs]

I tell you something,

you guys are so lucky
to have me around here.

You know that?

Now, you want to see real love,

you wait until Darlene
gets over here, all right?

Kids, I'm just gonna drop
this flag down at my club.

I'll be back in a little while.

[doorbell rings]

- Hi.
- Hi.

Come on in.
Ah, Jamie, Sarah.

This is Darlene, the girl
I was telling you about.

Well?
Aren't you gonna say hello?

Oh, yeah, that's the word
we were looking for.

Oh, all right.
Well, we better go.

We'll be late for that movie.
We'll see you later, okay?

Someone will pay for this.

Sarah!

Darlene is the girl
we saw with Buddy today.

Oh, I don't believe this.

Buddy was trying to steal her
from Charles.

From what we saw today,

I'd say Buddy did
steal her from Charles.

Now, Charles is stealing her
from Buddy.

But, what's gonna happen
if Buddy steals her back again?

All I know is, Grampa was right.
Somebody will pay for this.

Jamie, Charles is sure
to find out, sooner or later.

If it's later, he'll hate us
for not telling him sooner.

If I were Charles, I think
I'd hate you either way.

Would you stay out of this,
you little bunion?

Nobody cares what you think.

Good, in that case,

let me give you my real opinion
of this conversation.

[burps]

Oh, Jamie, I don't think
I can live with this
terrible knowledge.

Sarah,

if you can live with
our little brother,

you can live with anything.

But, Jamie,
Darlene's cheating on Charles.

The least we can do is warn him.

Come on, Sara, do you really
want to hurt Charles?

No.

I do,

I want to hurt him bad.

He violated my nose.

Where is he?

He hasn't come upstairs yet,
Grampa.

Dit, dit, dit!

Well, when he does,
I want to talk to him.

You know, he's totally oblivious
to the world around him.

Especially to the important part
of that world, me!

Hello, ladies!

It's a beautiful day in the
neighborhood, isn't it?

Not from where I'm standing.

Charles,
a certain person in this house

has his head in his...

clouds!

He's gone past
being absent-minded,

and is dangerously close
to being a nincompoop.

Oh, well, don't worry about it,
Mr. Powell.

You probably just have
spring fever or something.

I'm talking about you, Charles!

Wake up and smell
the unemployment office.

Is he all right?

Well,
he's worried about you, Charles.

I mean, we all are.

You know,
you've been working very hard.

Why don't you...

take some time off?

Get a hobby.

Break up with your girlfriend.

Jamie, why would I do that?

Charles,

how much do you really know
about Darlene?

Enough.

Enough?

That's all?

Charles,
that's not nearly enough.

Why limit yourself?

You know, you could get
thousands of girls.

Well, now, come on, Jamie.

I-I wouldn't say thousands,
you know.

I'd say it's somewhere up in
the high hundreds, but...

No, I, I guess
it is in the thousands.

Good, then,
go get thousands of girls

and choose one
nobody else wants.

No, Sarah,
you're missing the point here.

You see, it doesn't matter who
wants her.

D-Darlene wants me!

Well, what would you do
if some guy stole her from you?

Well, I would dive
down his throat,

and rip him apart
from the inside out.

Hey, Charles!
Wait 'til you meet my new girl.

Wait 'til you meet my new girl.

Charles, there's something
you should know!

Yeah!

You should know that Sarah
is about to be late for school.

Thank you
for sharing that with me, Jamie.

It certainly changed my life.

Charles, Charles, I really
want you to meet my girl.

- Why don't we
double date tonight?
- Oh, yeah, all right.

But, my girlfriend's playing
this, uh, tennis tournament.

I'll ask her to come over when
she's through, all right?

Wow, what a coincidence.

My girl is playing
in a tennis tournament.

W-wouldn't it be weird if they
knew each other?

Well, I wouldn't count on it.

I mean, a lot of women are
playing in that tournament.

Well, so?

A lot of men go to college,
but you and I know each other.

Don't you think that's weird?

No.

Do, do you know what
I think is weird, Buddy?

Nothing can grow on a slab
of solid rock,

and yet you have hair.

Jamie? Oh, doing your
fingernails again, huh?

Listen, uh, Darlene's on her way
over, let me know when she
gets here, okay?

Oh, an- and,
Buddy's coming over, too.

Why is Buddy coming over?

To meet my girl.

Sarah!

[doorbell rings]

Grampa, thanks for letting me go
to Stacy's house!

I promise I won't be late.

Hi.

Oh, I didn't know you were
coming over.

Why don't you go wait
in the basement?

It's right down those stairs.

The basement.

Sure, that's where you're going
to end up anyway.

They all do.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, no, it's Buddy.

Hi.

Uh...

There's something
you should know.
Buddy's coming over.

Well, that's nice!

Is Charles here?

Charles?

No, he, um...

He had a religious experience.

I think he's
gonna become a priest.

Oh, this is bad.

This is really bad.

Charles is definitely going to
strangle Buddy.

And, then he is
gonna strangle me.

Oh, I don't want to
be around to see it.

Charles!

Oh, Charles, help me get this
junk into the garage, will ya?

Oh, sure, Mr. Powell.

[doorbell rings]
[Mr. Powell]
Doorbell!

Is Charles here?

Yeah.

That's what I thought.

Well, then you were right.

Ex-excuse me,
I have some homework.

Oh, um...

Can I have a drink of water?

Oh, I don't have any water.

But, there's some in the
kitchen, through that door.

Ah, it's good to get that trash
out of my bedroom.

Charles, are the girls here yet?

Now the trash
is in my living room!

Relax, Buddy.

Come on, the girls'll be here
in a few minutes.

And, I got some popcorn.

Why don't you go in the kitchen,
get some sodas,

- and bring 'em down, all
aright?
- Oh, okay.

Ohhhh, wait'll you meet my girl!

Oohh, wait'll you meet my girl!
You're gonna love her.

Hi, baby!
Come to Daddy.

What do yo think I am?

You... you creep.

Surprise!

That does it!

I'm outta here!

- Hi.
- How are ya?

Um, bad news.

Uh, my, my, my girlfriend
just called,

and she said she won't be able
to make it tonight.

Oh, really?

You're, you're not going
to believe this, Buddy!

It's so funny, you know, 'cause
my girl can't make it, either.

Oh, bad news.

- Yeah, I know.
Bad news all around.
- Bad, oh, that's too bad!

'Cause Charles, I, I really
wanted you to meet my girl.

She's incredible.

Oh, yeah.

She's probably almost as
incredible as my girl.

Charles, I,
I don't mean to brag, but,

wait 'til you see
this picture of my girl.

Oh, really?
I got a picture of mine too.

Here, feast your eyes on this!

Charles,
you've been dating my girl!

You've been dating my girl!

My girl.

- My girl!
- My girl!

My girl!

Nothing you can say can take me
away from my girl!

My girl!

- My girl!
- My girl!

- My girl!
- My girl! My girl!

Yeah, okay, I'll tell him.
Bye, buddy.

Oh, Charles, Buddy is very upset
about what happened last night.

Buddy?

Buddy is upset?

He stole my girl,
and he's upset?

Well, he thinks
you stole his girl.

Well, he's wrong.

Charles, Buddy's very upset
about what happened last night.

Oh, wow.

What is this,
the jungle telegraph?

The monkey's upset, and all the
natives instantly know about it.

Charles,

please don't be mad at Buddy!

He can't help being attracted to
Darlene any more than you can.

Yeah,

yeah, you're right.

And Buddy's my best friend, and,

and I love him.

It's not his fault that my girl
was cheatin' on me.

But, how could she cheat on me
with a scum-sucking,

back-stabbing, piece of slime,
like my best friend Buddy?

I don't know, did you ask her?

No, I'm not talking to her.

That's not fair.

You should at least hear
her side of the story.

All right, fine, okay, fine!

I'll hear her side
of the story, okay?

I'll give her every
chance to explain.

All right, 'cause I'm a very
fair person.

Hi, Darlene, this is Charles.

Wait, whoa, what do you mean
I owe you and explanation?

You owe me an explanation.

What do you mean,
what do I mean?

Hey, no, look Dar-Darlene.
I know everything.

Does the name Lembeck
ring a bell, huh?

No?

Fine, stick to that story.

There, all right?

See, Charles.
It was all her fault.

Buddy didn't know
she was going with you.

Nobody knew except Jamie and me.

Now, you guys,
you knew about this,
and you didn't tell me?

Charles, Buddy's very upset.

Look, Adam, last thing
I want to hear right now
is that Buddy is very upset.

Charles, I'm very upset.

I think we had
better go to school.

Charles,

I refuse to let a woman
destroy our friendship.

Okay, you can have her.

No, Buddy.
I think you should have her.

No, Charles.
I'm stepping aside, okay?

It's the only way I can feel
better about this.

Now, I'm gonna call her
and tell her to be here tonight

- at seven o'clock.
- No!

- But, I, I don't want her.
- You do want her, Charles.

- No, I don't, Buddy, I don't!
- You do want her.

Believe me, it's best this way.

No, Buddy!
Buddy, wait a minute.

Charles!

You hit me in the nose
with a door, twice!

I don't have time right now,
Mr. Powell, maybe later.

Charles, are you still mad?

No, I'm not mad, Sarah.
I'm just confused.

I-I, I can't out how understand
how a nice, normal girl like

Darlene could possibly

go out with a human
mothball like Buddy.

But, I plan to find out.

How?

I thought you weren't
speaking to Darlene.

I'm not,
but Buddy invited her over here.

She should be here
in a few minutes.

Who knows?
Maybe...

maybe she was just temporarily
hypnotized by the fact that

Buddy has 11 toes.

Whatever it is, if she's willing
to come crawling back to me,

I'm man enough to let her.

Another box to add to that
junk pile in the garage.

[doorbell rings]
[Mr. Powell]
Doorbell!

Hi, is Buddy here?

Buddy?

You're here to see Buddy?

Yes, is it all right?

Uh, yeah,

he's not here right now.

Why don't you go
wait in the kitchen?

It's right through that door.

Don't these people ever use
the living room?

Jamie, Darlene's here.

Charles thinks she's coming over
here to make up with him,

but she's here to see Buddy!
I put her in the kitchen.

Oh, no!

[doorbell rings]
I'll get it.

Hello, Jamie.
I'd like to see Charles.

Uh,

don't move, kay?

I thought you said you put her
in the kitchen?

I did.

You said she was here
to see Buddy!

That's what she said.
This is weird.

Yeah...

Looks like trouble.
Let's get out of here.

Excuse us!
We have to wash our hair.

My love!

I can't go through with this.
I'll never give you up.

You know,
I wish you'd stop doing that.

I don't.
Do it again.

Hi, hi.
I'm glad you could make it!

Oh, all right, that's twice!

One more time, and you're going
to the moon!

Don't be intimidated,
young lady.

Beat the hell
out of the both of 'em.

Why did you slap me?

Because you hung up on me.

Well, I didn't hung up on you.
Why'd you slap me?

I don't even know you!

Oh, you gonna stick to that
pathetic story?

What do you mean,
you don't know me?

Buddy?

Stay out of this, Marlene.
This is between me and you!

Darlene?
What are you doing here?

I'm here to see Charles.
Why are you here?

Oh, I'm here to see Buddy.
This is Buddy?

The one you've been dating?

Yeah, this is Charles?
The one you've been dating?

Uh-huh.

Excuse me,

Excuse me, but, has anyone ever
told you that you two girls

look a lot alike?

Oh, Buddy, they're twins.

Twins, Charles!

Our troubles are over.

That means, we can each have one
if we can figure out
which one each of us has.

Did, uh,
d-did you slap me last night?

No.
I did.

No, you slapped me!

No, I slapped you last night.

You slapped him?

- Well, he kissed me!
- Well, that's why
I slapped you.

- You kissed Marlene?
- I thought I was kissing
Darlene.

Uh, I don't believe this,
Charles.

You mean, you kissed my sister,
and you can't tell
the difference?

Well, yeah, I, I guess I did,

but w-well, hey, come on!
It wasn't my fault!

Nobody could tell
you guys apart.

Hi, Marlene.
Hi, Darlene.

[both]: Hi, Adam!

How'd he do that?

How could you not do it.

I'm really disappointed
in you, Charles.

Obviously, all you see
when you look at me is my body.

No, I don't.
I also see you sister's body.

Hey-hey-hey!
Hey!

[both]: That's disgusting.

Darlene and I are as different
as night and day.

Anyone who knows us
can tell us apart.

That's right.
I guess you never knew me,
Charles.

Apparently, the attraction
was strictly physical.

No, no, no, it isn't.
No way!

Oh, come on, look.

Look, you guys, wait a minute!

You should have told us
that you were twins,

- you owe us an apology.
- Or Two.

I mean, now that I know
you're twins, I could
tell you apart.

- Couldn't you, Charles?
- Absolutely, come on!

Why don't you blindfold us,
and give us the old taste test.

I got a better idea.

We'll meet you at the diner
tomorrow at three o'clock,

and we won't
introduce ourselves.

If you can tell us apart,
I'll apologize.

- You got it.
- Okay,

but if you can't tell us apart,
I'm going to have to find
someone who can.

- Me, too!
- Let's go.

See, Charles?

See, the whole reason why
we didn't tell you guys

you were both going
with the same girl,

is because you weren't!

Charles...

There's no way we're gonna be
able to tell those girls apart.

I can.

How much is it worth to you?


I floss my teeth
with 20 dollars.

All right, okay, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!

I'll also clean your room,
every day, for a week.

It's a deal.

Okay, I ran into Darlene and
Marlene at the diner today.

And, we had ice cream together.

It gave me a chance to sit
really close to them.

Yeah, so how can you
tell them apart?

Easy!

Darlene had chocolate,
and Marlene had vanilla.

[whispers]
And I have 20 dollars.

- Charles,
the girls aren't here yet.
- Oh, yeah?

What are we gonna do,
if we can't tell 'em apart?

Oh, I've been thinking about it
over, Buddy, and uh,

Darlene is right.

I mean, if,
if we can't tell them apart,

then we were only attracted to
them physically.

Right?
And if that's the case,

then we deserve to lose 'em.

I can't believe you said that.

I can't believe you bought it.

Charles, Charles, It's Marlene.

No, No, it, it's Darlene.

No, it's Marlene.


Okay, you're on!
Watch this.

- You're not Marlene?
- No, I'm, I'm not.

[laughs]
You just struck out, Buddy.

Step aside,
let a heavy hitter up to bat!

Ow, all right,
Darlene, that's it!

I'm not Darlene!

You mean you're not Marlene?

I'm not Marlene or Darlene.

Charlene!
What are you doing here?

[both]: Charlene?

I just came by to get a soda.

I see you met Buddy and Charles!

Met them?
They just kissed me!

What?
They kissed you!

[laughs]

♪♪

Charles!
Our troubles are over.

Forget about Marlene,
forget about Darlene.

I can get us a wild
double date tonight.

Yeah, with who?

Oh, with a set of twins.

I know one of them very well.
Her name is Jeanette.

She's very beautiful,
and very sexy.

I've wanted to take her out
for a long time.

- So, go ahead.
- I can't Charles.

She won't go out
unless her twin has a date.

- That's why I need you.
- Oh, Buddy,
don't you ever learn?

Don't you ever learn?

We'll never be able
to tell them apart.

It'll be very easy, Charles.

Jeanette just dyed her hair
to blonde.

Her twin is a brunette.

- Beautiful and sexy huh?
- Uh-huh.

[clears throat]
All right,
you talked me into it.

Great!
I'll call Jeanette,

and tell her
we're on for tonight.

Hang on, now, wait a minute.
What's her twin's name?

Oh, Richard!

♪ ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪♪