04x24 - It's a Blunderfull Life

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ he's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪♪

Buddy, what are you doing here?

Oh, Charles, I'm practicing
for my paddleball exhibition.

I'm one of the finalists

in the 'King of the Campus
Contest,'

and this is my talent.

If that's your talent,

you'd better hope you win the
bathing suit competition.

Listen to me,
I got a lot of bills to pay.

Think you could practice
someplace else?

Oh, and where do you
suggest, Charles?

I've already been thrown out of
the dorm, the library,

two department stores,
and a funeral home.

Buddy, come on,
I have a huge budget deficit!

Look at these bills.

Oh, yeah, those 976 numbers
really add up, don't they?

- Charles, I need 20 dollars!
- Yeah, so do I.

Oh, Buddy, listen,
I need 20 dollars.

I'll pay you back this Sunday.

Adam, how are you
going to pay him back?

Kevin Holloway wants me to bet
lose the game on Sunday.

He's even willing to give me
three to one odds.

Adam, that's gambling.

There's no gambling
allowed in this house.

Grampa always bets
on the Army-Navy game.

Adam, if your grandpa jumped off
a cliff, would you do it?

Yeah.

- 50 bucks says you wouldn't!
- It's a bet.

Hey, hey, hey!

There's no gambling
in this house, and that's final!

It's like living in a monastery.

Excuse me, Adam.

You know you're not supposed to
take cake into your room.

You leave crumbs
and you never return the plate.

Grampa always
takes cake to his room.

I'll bet.

- How much?
- Adam!

What a grouch.

- Hi, Buddy, hello Charles!
- Hi.

You want to read my essay on the
birth of socialism?

No, want to read my checkbook on
the death of capitalism?

Not now, Charles.

All right, don't talk to me.
I have to concentrate.

Jamie,

you're not supposed to do
your finger nails,

at the kitchen table.

Why not?

Because you always make a mess.

You always spill
the fingernail polish.

Here look,
you already left a spot.

Charles, look, that's glue from
Grampa's model ship.

All right,
let me put it to you this way.

You're not allowed...

to do your finger nails...

at the kitchen table.

Fine!

But, you know,
that's really not fair!

I mean, if Grampa
can build model ships
at the kitchen table,

I should be allowed
to do my nails here.

Jamie, if your grandpa jumped
off a cliff, would you do it?

No, I'd push Adam over, instead.

How can I set a good example
for these kids

when they keep picking up
bad habits from Mr. Powell?

You can't, Charles.

If I were you,
I'd sit Mr. Powell down

and have a long talk with him.

And, then I'd ask him
for a raise.

I couldn't do that.

Well if you can't do it,
I'll do it for you.

Mr. Powell, front and center,
on the double, right now!

Buddy!
He's going to k*ll you.
Are you nuts?

This had better be the most
important thing

you've ever said
in your life, nitwit!

It is.
You want to see my
paddleball exhibition?

Take your ba*ls
out of here, Lembeck!

Yes, sir.
Charles wants to talk to you.

Uh-uh.

Now, what did you
want to talk to me about?

Oh, so the thing is uh,

the, the, kids have,

- picking up a lot
of bad habits.
- Like what?

Well, like, Adam is betting
on a football game,

and, uh he's taking
cake into his bedroom.

And Jamie was doing her finger
nails at the kitchen table,

Now, uh,
I hate to say this, sir, but...

someone in this house
is setting a...

an un-good example.

Oh, you mean me?

Well, I'll just have to
be more careful.
Thank you, Charles.

Sir?

What?

[chuckles]
Oh, right, here.

It'll just
take a second, Grampa.

I really need this magazine.

All right, Adam, but don't read
every magazine in the store.

Just behave the way I do,
and you'll never go wrong.

Can I help you gentlemen?

Yeah, I'd like to buy a copy of
'How to Manage Your Money,'

but I can't afford it.

In that case,
buy a lottery ticket.

It could make you a rich man
over night.

Oh, no, sir, thank you.

The lottery
is a form of gambling,
and I wouldn't want to...

Smart man, Charles.
Smart man.

In the long run,
gamblers never win.

Well somebody's going to win.

With this instant lottery
ticket, all you do is

scratch off a number
and collect a 100,000 bucks!

I'll take it!

No, wait, Mr. Powell.
I know millions of people
play the lottery,

but Adam is a very
impressionable...

What are you buying, Grampa?

Nothing,
your grandfather is just, uh,

your grandfather just wants
to help the homeless.

Oh, then you don't want
this lottery ticket?

Oh, excuse me, I'll take it.

Okay, here you go.

Good luck!

They didn't have
the magazine I wanted.

Oh, then, you want
to buy a lottery ticket?

No, what is this, a newsstand,
or a gambling casino?

Hey, what are you?
A customer or a TV evangelist?

Neither one.
Come on, Adam.

Looks like we both came
in here for nothing.

Sorry we're late, girls...
and you.

We stopped at the newsstand.

Hey!

I hit it.

I hit it!

This lottery ticket is a winner.

I just won a 100,000 bucks!

What?

[laughs]

Can you believe it?

What do you say!

It looks like 'Happy Days'
are here again.

To me, it look like 'Happy Days'
just got canceled.

Milk shakes for the house,
on me!

Charles!

I had that lottery ticket
in my hand
It was mine!

Did you hear?

That man over there,

he won a 100,000 dollars
on the lottery.

It was mine!

I was gonna buy
that lottery ticket.

Charles stopped me.

Why would you do that,
sweetheart?

Because Adam was there.

I didn't want Mr. Powell,
to set a bad example.

You call losing 100,000 dollars
setting a good example?

Oh, no!
I could have had it all.

Thanks a lot, Charles.

Jamie, Charles was just trying
to do the right thing.

He couldn't help it
if he failed.

He could have helped it.

He could have minded
his own business.

Now, now, Walter...
Walter, you're upset.

And that's understandable.

When you see all your hopes and
dreams go down the drain,

you're inclined
to get a little irritable.

But, if Charles did as you say,
I'm sure he didn't mean to.

No, Mom, I did it,
and I did mean to.

Excuse me.

[knocking]
Yeah!

Hey, Charles?

Oh, come on.

What are you doing?

Well, thanks to me,

Mr. Powell is out

Thought I'd see if I had
any savings bonds left,

but I cashed them all in.

No way I can pay him back.

Hey, wait a minute!

This insurance policy
says it's worth 50,000 dollars.

What is 'double indemnity' mean?

It means,
if I get hit by a garbage truck,

they pay 100,000 dollars.

Well, there you go!

All you have to do

is throw yourself in front of a
garbage truck,

and your worries will be over.

No, Buddy,
my life would be over.

You see, you have to die in the
accident before they pay off.

Well, that hardly
seems worth it.

Charles, you want to go
back to the diner?

No thanks, Buddy, I'm pooped.

I've been so worried
about my finances,

I haven't gotten any sleep.

Why don't you go ahead,

and I'll catch up to you
later, all right?

Okay,

It's ironic isn't it?

You're worth more dead
than you are alive.

He's right.

If I did get hit
by a garbage truck,

everybody would be better off.

Mr. Powell would have
won the lottery,

Mom would collect
the insurance money.

[scoffs]
It's funny...

I am worth more dead
than I am alive.

[harp plays ♪]

Hello?

Hello?

Where is everybody?

I say, what in the world
are you doing here?

I work here.

Oh, who hired you?

Mrs. Powell.

Ahhh.
You must be the new gardener.

Budley, oh, Budley.

No,no, no, I'm Charles.

I say, that is a coincidence.

You rang?

Buddy!

No, it's Budley.

How might I help you?

He says he's the new gardener.

I didn't say that, you did.
I'm Charles.

My, that is a coincidence.

It is.

I once had another employee
named Charles.

He was with us,
right up until the very end.

The end of what?

The end of his life.

He threw himself in front of a
garbage truck last year.

Yes, yes, yes.

It was the 17th of October.

But, what I really remember
about that day,

was the day I won a 100,000
dollars in the lottery!

Mr. Powell, look at me.

If you insist,

but I really don't like
looking at hired help.

There, I've done it.
Don't ask me again.

Buddy, don't you recognize me?

It's Budley.

And if you don't recognize me,
why should I recognize you?

[screams]
[horror music plays ♪]

That's not me in the mirror!

I've never seen that person
before in my life!

Then we have
something in common.

I've never seen you
before in my life, either!

I've lost my entire self.

I have a different body.

Nobody recognizes me.

They're right.

I am dead.

They said that I was run over
by a garbage truck.

That means I'm dead.

What am I doing here?

Oh, I remember,
I didn't want to go on living.

Hey, this is like that movie
with Jimmy Stewart.

'It's a Wonderful Life'

I've been sent back to see
how much worse off
everybody is without me.

Jamie.

Darling, you know my name.

You must read the society pages.

Oh, Budley, oh, Budley!

Yes, Miss Jamie,
ma'am, your princess-ship.

Your breakfast is all ready.

Breakfast?

It's five o'clock
in the afternoon.

I know, I know, but I felt like
getting up early today.

Budley, who is this person?

He's the new gardener, ma'am.

Says his name is Charles.

What a coincidence.

We had another
servant named Charles.

Whatever happened to him,
Budley?

Oh, he threw himself
in front of a garbage truck.

He never even smelled
what hit him.

Oh, vulgar way to go.

Yeah, but it was a real blessing
for his mother.

I mean, she collected
all the insurance money.

She did?

That's right.
How could I forget?

Auntie Lillian's insurance money
and Grandpapa's lottery money

made us the wealthiest
people in America.

That would only
come to 200,000 dollars.

Apparently you don't read
the financial pages.

They pooled their money
and invested.

In what?

Oh, casinos, race tracks,
slot machines.

Gambling?
I don't believe this.

Well, obviously you people
missed Charles after he left,
huh?

No.

I didn't miss him.

Did you miss him, Budley?

No, I didn't miss him,

and neither
did the garbage truck.

[laughs]

Jamie, darling!
You're up and about.

Oh, yes, Grandpapa.

I wanted to enjoy a full evening
at the gaming tables.

Oh, good, pardon me.

Budley, remind me to give
Jamie her loaded dice.

Anything you say, sir.

Of course, of course.

You're tipping Buddy
with 100 dollar bills?

You never give Charles

Oh yes, I know,

but Budley's the one
who talked me into buying
that lottery ticket.

Oops, Grandpapa,

I seem to have spilled
nail polish on the coffee table.

Good heavens.
Budley!

Remind me to order
a dozen new coffee tables.

Very good, sir.

Sarah, it's you!

I know.

Grandpere.

I sent my new poem to the
Literary Digest,

- and they rejected it.
- No!

Budley, remind me to
buy the Literary Digest,

fire the entire staff,
and make Sarah the editor.

As you say, sir.

Hello, are you rich?

No, I'm dead.

No, he's the new gardener.

Says his name is Charles.

Really?
What a coincidence.

We had sl*ve named Charles.

No, no, you had a friend
named Charles.

Be honest, Sarah, come on.

I know you were
the most compassionate one
in the whole family.

Didn't you feel bad

after Charles got hit by that
garbage truck?

Yes,
but not as bad as Charles did.

He was absolutely crushed.

Heigh-h*, everybody.

I'm just got back
from the tennis court.

How much money
did we make today?

[all]: Millions!

How splendid!

Grandfather,
I need a new racket.

Of course, lad.

What kind of racket
would you like?

I hear there's a lot
of money in loan-sharking.

Budley, remind me to set up Adam
in the loan sharking business.

Okay, your Highness.

What's the matter
with you people?

What you're talking about
is ill*gal, immoral,
and disgusting.

Grandpapa,
the new gardener is boring me.

I have a splendid idea.

- Let's all go to the casino.
- Splendid!

Mr. Powell, wait a minute!

These kids can't gamble.
They're just kids!

Charles, he never
would have let them gamble.

Ah, but, luckily for us,

Charles is no longer with us,

and we're having
a wonderful time.

Tally-h*, everyone.
Let the games begin!

Coming?

Buddy, listen to me.

The reason that
you don't recognize me
is because I'm dead.

Wow, for a dead guy,
you sure have a good tan.

Listen to me, I've been sent
back to see how much worse off
the Powells are without me!

Worse off?
Are you kidding?

Do they look like
they're worse off to you?

No, I can't quite figure
that part out yet.

Where's my mother?

Who's your mother?

Lillian!

She's at her place of business.
That's where we're all going.

What?
You just said they were
going gambling.

You mean they're going
to my mom's diner?

No, it used to be a diner.
Now, it's 'Lillian's Casino.'

Wait, what, wait a minute.
Come here for a second!

Hello, suckers!

I'll take over now.

- Place your bets!
- Budley.

Roll the dice, little lady!

Come on, dice, be good to mama.

Seven is the winner!
Pay the lucky lady.

Mom!

Hello, sucker.

Just call me Diamond Lil.

The dice are hot tonight.
You want to try your luck?

No, Mom, listen to me.
Listen, listen...

This is going to sound crazy,

but I'm not who
you think I'm not.

See, I'm Charles.

That's a coincidence.

I had a kid named Charles.

He was a nice boy, too.

Threw himself in front
of a garbage truck

so I could pay for this casino.

No, that's not why I did it.

[cheering]

Excuse me, sonny.

The natives are
getting restless.

New player comin' out.

Talk to me, dice.
Ee-oh-leven!


Yes, pay the little man

with the braces on his teeth!

Buddy, come here, excuse me.

Buddy, listen.

How can these kids gamble?

They never used to gamble
when I was around.

If you mean,
when Charles was around,
you're right.

But obviously, they're
a lot better off now.

Especially Lillian!

She's fairly rolling in money.

Get hot, dice.

Baby needs a new pair
of diamond earrings.

And a diamond necklace.

And a diamond tiara,
and a diamond ring!

Just roll the dice, Trixy.

Seven, pay the winner!

How can she be rolling in money?
Everyone keeps winning?

Not everyone, just the Powells.

Everyone else loses.
That's the way it's set up.

You mean, it's fixed?

Of course, it's fixed.

You don't think they
got this rich by being honest,
do you?

The Powells hook the suckers,
and Diamond Lil reels them in.

Ah, then they're not
better off without me!

All right, hold everything,
hold everything!

All right Diamond Lil.

I got a bet for ya.

I want one roll of the dice.

If I win, I get to change the
casino back into a diner.

Okay, kid.

But what are you going to
put up in case you lose?

My life.

[crowd ooohs and ahhs]

Your life against the casino?

Hmmm...

That sounds fair.

Roll 'em.

All right,
first I wanna use Jamie's dice.

All right!

Come on, seven.

Sticky wicket, old boy.

You, uh,
want to try two out of three?

Sorry, sucker!

You bet your life and you lost,

Now pay the house.

- Any last words?
- Ah, I...

Yeah, yeah,
I have some last words,

I love these children.

And gambling might have
made them richer people,

but it didn't make them
better people.

It made them stinky people.

Enough, enough,
you said any last words,

not any last paragraphs.

Ready!

- Aim!
- Wait!

Wait, these children need me!

I want to live, I want to live!

I want to live, I want to...

I did.

I'm alive.

Another round of burgers
for the house!

Excuse me, sir.

Charles, I want to talk to you.

And I want to talk to you, too.

If you think I came over here
to apologize, you're wrong.

And I'm sorry you lost
that money, but...

You hired me to take care of
these children,

and that's what I was doing,

because I do care for them,

and if I had the chance do it
all over again,

I'd do exactly
the same thing, sir.

Now if you want to fire me...

Put a sock in it, Charles.

Grampa, just tell Charles
what we all decided.

Well we decided that, uh,

That your concern
for the kids is worth more to me

than all the money
in the world, Charles.

You've set a good example for
these kids, Charles, and...

Well, I'm gonna...

try to be a good one, too.
Thank you, thank you very much.

You're welcome, sir.

Well, so long, folks.

I'm off to collect my 100 grand!

I know the lottery is a form
of gambling, but, uh,

I sure wish I was in that guy's
shoes right now.

[tires squealing]
[crash]

It's the man
who just won the lottery.

He got run over
by a garbage truck!

I'll call an ambulance.

He's still got that lottery
ticket in his pocket.

Say no more, Mr. Powell.

Buddy, come back here.
You can't do that.

Let him go, Charles.
You never know.

Buddy might know
what he's doing.

Mr. Powell, that's sick.

Mr. Powell, you said you wanted
to be in that guy's shoes?

Well, you got them!

♪♪

Boy, that was great.

Do you realize...

...that was our 100th episode?
- Of what?

Of our show!
We just taped the 100th episode

of 'Charles in Charge!'

Charles, what are you
talking about?

Why are you still
calling me Charles?

My name is 'Scott.'
Your name is 'Willie,' remember?

No, my name is Buddy!

On the show!
In real life you're
'Willie Aames!'

Here you go, Buddy.
Enjoy.

Thanks, Aunt Lillian.

What is the matter
with you people?
Come on, they...

The show is over.
The cameras are off.

Charles, are you dreaming again?

What?

Why are you still
calling me 'Charles?'

I just play Charles.

I'm Scott Baio.

An actor.

[laughs]

You?
An actor?

Everybody's a critic.

♪ ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

♪♪