05x01 - Summer Together, Fall Apart

[bunniefuu]

[♪

[♪ theme

[♪ theme music]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

- Buddy!
Hey!

- Hey, Charles!
Welcome home!

- Thanks, you here waiting
for me, or did you just come
over to suck your face off?

- No, I told Mrs. Powell
I'd come by and tidy up
for the homecoming.

Did you and the Powells have
a good time in the mountains?

- Oh Buddy, we had a ball.
We had a ball.

The kids loved it.

Hey!
- Hey Sarah,
welcome home.

I heard you had
a great vacation.

- Stuff it, Buddy.

- Whoa, Sarah,
I was just telling Buddy
how much fun we had.

Oh, Buddy, you should
have seen her.

She's swimming
in the lake, right?

All of a sudden,
this fisherman

reeled in her bathing suit.

Luckily, he threw it back.
You know why?

Because it was too small.

- I'm glad you enjoyed
yourself, Charles.
I certainly didn't.

- What?
You were laughing.

- You were laughing.
I was screaming.

- Hi, g*ng!
I heard you had
a great time.

- [Jamie/Adam]
Stuff it, Buddy.

- Whoa, hey, come on,
you guys, you're all
making a liar out of me.

I was just telling Buddy
how much fun we all had.

- Fun?
How could we have fun,
with you telling us what to do?

- Come on, Adam,
somebody had to make the rules.

- Yeah, everybody
made the rules.

Everybody but us.

- Yeah, why couldn't we
make the rules?

- You?
[laughs]

But seriously, come on.
Tell Uncle Buddy here

how much fun we had
sitting around the campfire

singing those old folk songs.

- You sang, Charles.
We listened.

And I wouldn't call
"Born to Be Wild"
an old folk song.

- Yeah, it's just old.
I mean, all of your songs
are old.

It was like being in prison
with d*ck Clark.

- Hey.
[laughs]

- Hey, Mr. Powell!
I heard you had...

- Stuff it, Lembeck.

- Buddy, Hi.
- Ah, Mrs. Powell, I was
just telling Buddy

how much fun we had...
- Stuff it, Charles.

- [Charles/Buddy]
Mrs. Powell!

- Oh, I'm sorry, Charles,
but between the kids'
constant complaining

and your
unrelenting cheerfulness,

that was the most
stressful three weeks
of my entire life.

- Oh.
Well, she's just tired
from having too much fun.

Come on, Buddy, I'll let you
help me unpack the car.

- Oh, I can't, Charles.

I've got a sorority party
to go to.

The Gamma Gamma girls picked me
to be their designated driver.

See, the girls who drink
too much at these parties

need a sober person
to drive them home.

- Why would they pick you?

They never asked me
to be a designated driver.

- Well, actually your name
did come up.

But somebody told them

that if you were
to drive a girl home

after she had had too much
to drink, that you...

might try and take
advantage of her.
[scoffs]

- [chuckles]
Who would tell them
a stupid thing like that?

Buddy?

Who would tell them that?

How could you tell them that?

- Charles, are you saying
we can skip breakfast today

and go see our friends?

Are you actually
changing the rules?

- Sure, Sarah.
My rules are flexible.

- But Grampa said we should
stay home and rest up today.

- Yeah, and what about
Grampa's rule

that we should always have
a good breakfast?

- See, we're confused,
Charles.

I mean, whose rules
should we obey?
Yours or Grampa's?

- Oh, oh, see,
I get it now, I get it.

See, you're trying to sow
a little dissension
between the rule makers.

Well, it won't work.
- What won't work?

- Oh, uh, nothing, Mrs. Powell.
Everything works fine.

You go and see Commander Powell
and have a great time,
and don't worry about anything.

- Oh, and Ellen, you tell
that son of mine

we're all looking forward
to seeing him next week.

- Oh, I certainly will.
Oh, I got to be going.

- Yeah, so do we.
We're going to go see
a few friends.

- I thought I asked
you kids to stay home today.

- Charles said
we didn't have to.

- [laughs]

Charles said
we didn't have to?

- But not in those words.

- It's all right, Dad.
The kids just want to see
some of their friends

before school
starts up again.

- Well, can't they have
a good breakfast
before they leave?

- Charles told us
we could skip breakfast.

- Adam, there is a chain
of command on this ship.

I am the admiral, and Charles
is the lowly ensign.

You take orders
from the admiral.

- Dad, if the kids want
to skip breakfast, let them.

They're the ones
that'll go hungry.

Charles, remember
I'm leaving you in charge.

- Charles has been in charge
for the last few weeks.

You know, I'm finally
beginning to get the point.

You people don't need me
around here at all.

Fine.

Just fine.

- Well, I guess we've
all had

too much togetherness
here this summer.

Okay kids, come on, if you
want to see your friends,
I'll drop you off.

- [Jamie]
Thanks Mom.

- Here we go.
Oh, and Charles,

remember, I'm going to be
gone for a week,
so you take care.

- Have a great time.
Bye.

- Bye!
Charles, Charles!

This designated driver program
is incredible.

Last night,
I got to drive home

the beautiful, but intoxicated,
Marie Baxter.

She really likes me, Charles.

She looked me right
in the eye and said...

[babbles]

- Good, good.

Now you both speak
the same language.

- Hey, Mr. Powell, you look
like you're running away
from home.

- I am, Lembeck.
I am.

This admiral has resigned.

- It's all my fault, Charles!
I drove him crazy!

- You did not, Buddy.
You didn't drive him crazy.

In this case,
I'm the designated driver.

- You're kidding.

I didn't even know
he was drunk.

- Get some help!

Mom, Mom?
Mr. Powell didn't
come home last night.

- I know.
- He left me
alone with the kids,

and I can't run the house...

You know?
- Mm-hmm.

Walter has been here
since yesterday afternoon,

drinking coffee.

- So we got to get him
to go home.

[clears throat]

How are you doing, Mr. Powell?
- Sit down, Charles.
Have some coffee.

Mighty fine coffee.
You oughta have some coffee.
You want some coffee?

- No, no thank you sir.
I'm trying
to cut back, thanks.

Um...

Sir, I'd like you
to come home.

- What for?
Kids don't need me
anymore.

- Oh, Walter, I know exactly
how you feel.

You devote your life
to children,

and they just grow up
and abandon you.

Walter, I have
an extra bedroom
in my apartment.

If you like,
you can stay there.

- I'd love to, Lillian.

- I'll give you a key.

- Mom!

- Hey, Charles, what's new?
- What's new?

What's new, my ex-mother
just asked Mr. Powell

to move in with her,
that's what's new.

How could
she do this, Buddy?

She knows I need
his help at home.

- Charles, look.
I'm your best friend.

You know you can
rely on me.

- Oh.
- Can't I help you
at home?

- Yeah, you can, Buddy.
Can you come over tonight?

- Tonight, no way!
You know I don't
have time for that!

How can you even ask?

- Hey, do you know
your grandfather moved in
with my mother?

- No, is that another
old folk song?

- No, it's a fact.

But he's coming back.
But--but until he does,

I'd like a little cooperation
around here, okay?

I'm tired of everybody moping.

Now, let's establish
a few rules.

- See Charles,
why do you think we're moping?

It's because everybody
makes rules for us.

- Yeah, this is a democracy.

Why can't we make
our own rules?

- Okay, all right, you guys
want to make your own rules?

That's fine.
I'll tell you what.

You each get
to make one rule.

What's it going to be?

- Okay, I got it.

Here's my one rule.

There'll be no rules.

- Oh, that's brilliant, Adam.

That's my one rule too, Charles.

- Yeah, mine too.

No more rules.

- Fine... [laughs]
Fine!

Hey, I'm tired of being
the villain around here.
You want no rules,

you got it.
Do anything you want, okay?

But you're not
going to like it.

In fact, in about 20 minutes,
you're going to be begging me

to make some rules.
You know why?

Because without rules,
you'll live like animals.

Is that the way
you want to live?
Like an animal?

- Actually, that's pretty much
the way I do live.

- I was talking to the kids.
- Oh, they're gone.

They told me to tell you
not to wait up for them tonight.

- I can't believe they actually
took me up on this.
- On what?

- [sighs]
I told them

they don't have to obey
any rules.

- Ooh, bad idea, Charles!

What's Mrs. Powell going to say

when she comes home
and finds her children

living like a pack
of wild Lembecks?

- You know what she's
going to say, Buddy?

I'll tell you what she's
going to say.

She's going to say,
"Charlie, you're fired."

That's what she's
going to say.

[sighs]

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to go lie down.

Call me when my life is over.

- Relax, Charles.

Mr. Powell's bound to get
tired of living

with your mother soon
and come back home.

- That's what
I'm afraid of, Buddy.

Ain't you been listenin', boy?

Don't you understand that
if Mr. Powell comes home now,

and sees the kids live
without any rules,
I'm a dead man?

- Then put the rules back in.

- No, I can't do that.
I gave the kids my word.

Besides, I got to teach
them a lesson.

- Hi.

I'm going to take some food
down to the mission.

Okay?

- Wonderful.

- Be careful, Sarah.

Just because there are
no rules

doesn't mean you should
do something that would

antagonize your little brother.

- Like what?

- Well, um...

Like giving away
all of his food.

You know how he feels
about his food.

- There is no "his food."

There's only "our food."

If Adam thinks he's going
to make rules for me,
he's crazy.

- You're not helping me.
- Yes I am.

- Oh Charles, I'm going
to have a few friends
over tonight.

Do you have
a problem with that?

- Stop testing me, Jamie.

You know there
are no rules.

- Yeah, Jamie,
Charles knows you wouldn't
do anything crazy

like having a loud,
all-night party
here in the house.

I mean, besides,
Sarah wouldn't allow it.

- Sarah wouldn't allow it?

Look, no rules means no rules.

I do not tell Sarah
what to do,

so she is not going
to tell me what do do.

- What's the matter
with you?

- Hi Charles!

This "No Rules" rule
is working out great.

It's Heaven!
I can do anything I want...

Right?

- Anything except
that one thing.

- What one thing?
- Buddy...

- You know,
you've always wanted
a pet snake.

- Buddy!

- Relax, Charles!
Adam isn't going
to get a pet snake!

Besides, he knows his sisters
wouldn't let him.

- "Let" me?
"Let" me?

I'd like to see them
try and stop me.

- Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
Thank you, my dear friend.
Thank you.

Now I'm going to need
a S.W.A.T. team to keep these
kids from k*lling each other.

- No you won't, I'll be here
to help you keep them in line.

- All right, can you
come over tonight?
- No.

- No?

- Well, okay, but I can
only stay for a little while.

I've got another sorority party
to go to.

Last night I got to drive home

the beautiful, but intoxicated,
Connie Adams.

We have a very close
relationship, Charles.

My next step is to get her
to stop drinking

so she'll recognize me
in the daytime.

[♪ dance music]

[overlapping chatter]

- Jamie, what is going on?

- Charles, I'm trying
to have a party

but it's very difficult.

Adam has a pet snake.
- No.

- Yes.
And Sarah has
a pet derelict.

She brought home some bum
she found at the supermarket.

- Well, what do you want me
to do about it?

There are no rules, remember?

- Charles, tell Jamie
her loud friends
have to go home.

I can't read, write, or sleep.

- Well, so you're
an illiterate insomniac.
So what, Sarah?

Come on, you got to get
used to it.

There are no rules, remember?
Have fun.

- Jamie,
the refrigerator's empty.

Your party people are eating me
out of a house and home.

I can't handle it!

- Well, that's disgusting, Adam.

- Don't blame my people, Adam.
Blame Sarah's derelict.

He cleaned out
the refrigerator.
- Aha!

- Preston is not a derelict.
He's a victim.

I have a moral obligation
to feed the hungry.
- Yes you do.

- Oh yeah?
Well, I have one thing
to say to that.

Look!

[screaming]

- That's a gigantic snake, Adam.
I like it.

- Isn't it great?
- Yeah.

- But I have
one problem, Charles.
- What's that?

- I just found out
that snakes, like this one,

they only eat live mice.
- Oh yeah?

- I can't feed live mice
to a live snake.

- Sure you can, Adam, sure--
just look--

just tell the mice
that there are no rules.

- Thanks a lot, Charles.
- Piece of cake.

Ah.

Hey man.
Come on.

They're dancing.
Dance with me.

All right, see this?
You see all this?
This is all your fault.

- Thanks.

Charles, did Adam get a snake?
- Yes, he did, Buddy.

It's gigantic,
it's in the kitchen.

Now listen, I'm starting
to smell a little dissension
going on around here.

Why do you have a briefcase?
- You'll see.
Excuse me.

- Charles, will you please
tell Sarah to leave me alone?

- I can't, no rules.
- Tell Jamie to get
these people out of here.

- Sorry, wrong number.

- I've got it.
Snakes eat mice,
and mice eat cheese.

I'll just feed my snake cheese
and eliminate the middle man.

- Excellent idea there, chief.

- Hey, uh, I hate to complain,

but that last batch of dip
had onions in it.

Do you, uh, got any more
of that guacamole?

- Charles, this is Preston.

- Hi, how you doing?
- Hey.

- Let's just wave.

Listen, I hear that you, uh,
that you met Sarah
in the supermarket.

- Yeah, I asked him
if he was hungry,

and he said, "Yes,"
so I brought him home.
- Good.

- Then he said he liked it here,
so I told him he could stay.
- Great.

- You mean, as in "stay here?"
- Yeah.

Let me know when
the guacamole's ready.

- You got it, Preston.

- Charles, I do not want
Sarah's derelict
living in my house.

- Is that a rule?
No no no no no,
it can't be.

We don't have any rules,
remember?

- Oh, thank you, Charles.
I knew you'd understand.

That's why I told Preston
he could stay in your room.

- My room?

No, no.
No way, Sarah.

Nobody stays
in my room but me.

- Attention, everybody.
I have a pet snake.

He's tan with black
and brown spots.

He's enormous,
and he's just escaped.

[all screaming]

- Charles, Charles,
mission accomplished.

- Buddy, what is your mission?
- I kidnapped Adam's snake.

If the kids think there's
a snake loose in the house,

they'll beg you to put
back in the rules.

- You have a snake
in this briefcase?

- Actually, I did.

See, when I opened
the briefcase downstairs

to let some air in,
the snake slithered out.

- There's a snake loose
in my room?

- Don't worry, I shut the door.
He can't go anywhere else.

- Charles, you've got
to do something.

This is really getting
out of hand.

- See?

- Okay, all right.
You win, you win.

You want me to make some rules,
I'll make some rules.
It's up to you.

- No thanks.
- Oh fine, I'm going
to bed then.

- In your room?
It's liable to be
a little crowded.

- Oh, uh...

Sarah, you know what?
I changed my mind.

Preston can stay
in my room, how's that?

- Oh, thank you Charles,
he'll be really happy.

- And really surprised.

- I just hope he isn't hungry.
- Preston?

- No, the snake.

[screams]

- Ahem.

Ahem.

Ahem!
- What snake?

Oh...
Jamie.

- Good morning, Charles.
- Good morning.

- Adam and Sarah and I
just had a meeting,

and we decided that you've
really let us down.

- Down?

- Yeah.
I mean, look,
just look at us.

We're all
at each other's throats,

and everything
is falling apart.

I mean, you didn't raise us
to live like this, Charles.

I mean, how could you just
sit back and do nothing?

- But you said you didn't
want me to make any rules.

- Yeah, that's because
you left it up to us.

See, if we asked for rules,

that'd be like saying
we wanted rules,
and we don't.

Just because we don't
want rules, it doesn't mean
we don't need rules.

It's your job
to bring us up right,
so please do it.

- Jamie, what'd he say?

- I'll tell you
what he said.

He said...

He said, there's going
to be a little discipline

around here
from now on, okay?

All the old rules
are back on,

and a couple of new ones, okay?

- [all]
Okay.

- [shakes it out]

Oh, good morning.

Huh, party over?

- Mr. Preston?
What are you doing here?

- Oh fine, thanks.
[chuckles]

- Adam, you know him?

- Sure, he's our music teacher.

Sometimes I go to his house
when Kevin Holloway
gets his guitar lesson.

- Preston, you have a house?

- Yeah.

- Well, then why did you
sleep here?

[Preston gurgles]
You know, there are
a lot of homeless people

that really need help.

- Hey, don't tell me about it.

This summer, I spent three days
a week down at the mission

trying to feed those people.

- Well then, why did you tell
Sarah you were hungry?

- I was.
It was dinnertime.

I just didn't know it
was going to be
an all-night party.

Oh, man, I just
love parties.

- Well, Preston,
if you're not poor,

why do you look
the way you look?

- Huh, I always kick back
on my summer vacation.

Oh, hey, I forgot
to tell you.

I, uh, found
a live snake downstairs.

- You did?
- Yeah.

But don't worry about it,
I called animal control
and they hauled it away.

- No.
- You're welcome.
[clears throat]

Well...

Thanks, and it's really
been a pleasure.
I want to thank you

for a terrific time now.
Great place here.
- All right Preston, no problem.

- Charles, Charles,
guest what?

Louise Kramer got drunk again
last night and had
an automobile accident.

She's okay,
but her father's car
didn't survive.

- Buddy, I thought you were
supposed to drive her home.

- She left before
I could get there.

Louise Kramer is in
big trouble

because she broke the rules.

And rules were made
to protect us.

- Yeah, we know.
We love having rules.

- You do?

Then why am I here?

- For comedy relief.

- Charles.
- Mr. Powell!

- I decided you were right.
You do need me.

- Yeah, we all
need you, Grampa.

- Ah-hah!
Get over here!
[laughs]

- Aw, yeah, old timer!

- Lembeck!

- Hi!
- [all] Hi!
Mom!

- Oh, I had to come back,

because when I left,
everyone was so upset,

I just had this feeling
that I was kind of needed
here at home.

What happened here at home?

- Yes, Charles, why is
this place in such a mess?

- It's a drill.
- A drill?

- It's a cleaning drill.
- A cleaning drill?

- Sir, what we do is this.

We--we get the place

as messy as we possibly can,

and then we clean it up
as fast as we can.

See, that gives us
valuable experience.

- Not to mention
valuable prizes.
- There you go, you see?

Hey kids, come on...
- Oh--Don't...

- Let's see if we can't
beat yesterday's record.

Ready...
Set...

Go!

- Hello, happy campers.
- Hey Charles.

- How you doing?
Adam, how come you're not
helping your sisters?

- I'm too depressed, Charles.
I miss my pet snake.

- Well, get over it, Adam.
You can't have a pet snake.

- Yeah, you know the rules.

- Yeah, besides, you don't
want to have anything
that eats live mice, right?

- Well, aren't there any snakes
that are vegetarians?

- No, the other snakes ate them.

- Hey everybody, how's it going?
- [Charles] Great.

- I'm not great.
I miss my snake.

- Well, that's why
I'm here, Adam.

I bought you a new pet
to replace your snake.

- What is it?
- It's a surprise.

- Well, I don't care
what it is.

All I want to know is,
what does it eat?

- Everything.

Take a look.

[all screaming]

[screams]

[♪ theme music]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪