05x04 - Out with the In Crowd

[bunniefuu]

[♪

[♪ theme

[♪ theme music]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

♪

- Hey, Jamie, want to help me
with these dishes?

- No, I just polished my nails.

- Polished your nails?
That was a waste of time.

You're going bowling.
Should've polished your ball.

- I can't go bowling, Charles.

I'm going to the mall
with Stacy.

- Stacy Radford,
her royal highness?

The girl voted,
"Snob most likely to snub?"

- Charles, Stacy is
my best friend.

Why is it that every time
I even mention her name

you turn it into a joke?

- No, no, you're wrong, Jamie.

Her name is not a joke.

It's just the straight line.
She's the joke.

- Oh yeah?
Well, if Stacy's such a joke,

how come she's president
of "The Club?"

- Please, what is this "Club"
you keep talking about?

- [scoffs]
It's only the group of girls

who set the fashion
and popularity standard

for the entire school.
That's all.

- Ooh!
Ooh-ooh-ooh.

Well does this club
have a name?

- Yes, it's called
"The Club."

And with any luck,
I am going to be
a member of it.

[knocks on door]

Stacy!
- Aah!

- Hi, come in!

- Hi, everyone!

Oh, didn't you buy that outfit
at Jeanine's Boutique?

- Yeah.
- Well then, you better
go change!

We might want to go
into Jeanine's today

and if you're wearing an outfit
you bought there, well...
[scoffs]

Every customer in the store
will know how much
you paid for it!

- Whoa, close call, Jamie.

You know, if you really want
to avoid that kind
of public humiliation,

why don't you guys
go bowling with the family?

- No thanks.

Bowling is a little
too plebeian for my tastes.

- Mine too.
I prefer a good burping contest.

[burps]

- Hi.

- Nice shirt, Sarah.

You must give me the name
of your designer.

[high-pitched laugh]

- Hey, here we go.
Heh!

- Jamie, aren't you going
bowling with us?

- Oh no, I've given up
bowling, Adam.

It's too plebeian.

- Come on everybody,
we gotta practice
if we're gonna beat

those K*llers from
Myron's Meat Market.
Come on!

- Right, it is time
to rock and bowl!

- Have a bowl.

- Hurry up
and change, Jamie.

I'll meet you at the mall.

And remember:
Color coordination counts.

- Unbelievable.

How did you get to be
her best friend?

Was it like, some kind
of punishment,
or did you lose a bet?

- Now who's the snob, Charles?

[high nasal voice]
- Stacy.

- Hey Charles, I made
your mom's bowling team.

Can I borrow your tennis racket?

- You mean my bowling ball?

- No, I already have
a bowling ball and a basketball.

I need to borrow
your tennis racket.

I like to go into
the bowling alley carrying
a lot of athletic equipment.

It intimidates
the opposing team.

- I have a bat in the garage.

- A baseball bat?

- No, a real live bat.

It's just a small, furry,
flying, little mammal

with a tiny, tiny little brain.

And yet, on its worst day,
it makes more sense than you do.

- No, no, no thanks, Charles.

I don't think a live bat
would intimidate my opponents.

I'll just get the racket
out of the garage.
- Okay, all right.

- And you have the nerve
to kid me

about my taste in friends?

- Hey, hey, come on,
Buddy has some
very good qualities.

- Oh really?
- Yeah.

- I never saw them.

- Well, you never looked.

- [scoffs]
Why should I look for
good qualities in your friends

when you won't look
for them in mine?

- All right.

All right,
I'll tell you what.

You look for qualities
in Buddy,

and I'll look for qualities
in Stacy.

Deal?
- Deal.

- Okay, but if I find out
that Stacy doesn't have
any good qualities,

then you have to promise
to stop hanging out with her.

- Fine!
And if I don't find out
anything good about Buddy,

you have to stop
hanging out with him.

Do we still have a deal?

Oh, what's the matter, Charles?

Afraid Buddy doesn't possess
any good qualities?

- No.
We have a deal.

- Fine.

- Hi Charles, I'm leaving.

- [stammering]
That's a good quality!

- Thanks.

[puckering noisily]

- So how about
that energy crisis?

- Well, it doesn't bother me,
I work out in the gym every day.

Do you think this lipstick's
too red?

You wouldn't believe
how many stores I went to,

looking for this exact shade.

And guess where
I finally found it?

At my hairdressers!
[laughs]

- No!
- Yeah!

- Talk about
a wild coincidence.

I'll go get us something
to drink.

Tres bien!

Make mine a boysenberry-
flavored seltzer.

Comprenez vous?

[Buddy beat-boxing]
- Stop it!

Stop it, come on,
I can't laugh any more.

- ♪ Everybody! ♪
- Buddy.
Buddy, stop that.

[Latin accent]
Wassa matter, Charles,
you no like the Bossa Nova, eh?

- Bossa Nova?

Nobody's done the Bossa Nova
in fifteen years.

- That's not true.
I was doing it
just this morning, look!

[beat boxing]

- See, I'm doing it
again, Charles!
- Fine, fine, fine!

Fine, dance this out
to Stacy in the other room.

I gotta talk to Jamie alone.

- Buddy is such a riot, Charles.

I've had so much fun
with him today.

- I told you he had
some good qualities.

- Yes, you were right.
He has a wonderful sense
of humor.

Now, tell me something
good about Stacy.

- Well, she's, uh...

She's, um...

You know, she doesn't live here.
That's good.

- Charles...
- I'm sorry Jamie,
I can't fake it.

There's nothing good
about Stacy.

Now, you're going to stop
hanging out with her, right?

- Charles, it's not fair!

You know, I found something good
about Buddy.

If you didn't find anything good
about Stacy,

you're just going to have
to look harder.

Here, I'll give you
her schedule.

Okay, every day
at three o'clock,

she goes to the mall.

Okay, and then at five
she goes to your mom's diner.

Except Tuesday.
Tuesday she goes
to her hairdresser, Mr. Gwen.

- Wait--Do you think I'm going
to follow that Stacy around

trying to find
her one good quality?

- Charles, if you're not
going to try,

our deal's off.

You know, I never thought
you'd be this unfair.

[groans]

- Whoop whoop!
[beat boxing]

- Buddy, knock it off.
Come on.

- Geez, Charles, I was
just getting to the good part.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing's the matter with me.
It's Jamie, she thinks
I'm being unfair.

- Well, maybe she's right.

- I don't know,
maybe she is right.

Maybe I'm just not trying
hard enough.

- Of course you're not.

If you want to learn
the Bossa Nova,

you must practice,
practice, practice!

Now...
[beat boxing]

Come on, in the hands.

[beat boxing]

And the mouth!

[Charles beat boxing]

[door bell]

- Jamie, we have
to talk, okay?

The Club is voting
on new members tonight.

- Tonight?
Oh, that's so exciting.

So what do you think
my chances are of getting in?

- Slim to none.

- What?

They have
to let me in.

I mean, you're the president.
Can't you recommend me?

- If I recommend you,

the others will see I'm not
being objective, because...

Well, because
of your relationship

with my new boyfriend.

- What new boyfriend?

- Charles!

- Charles?

Our Charles?

- No.

My Charles.

We've been practically
inseparable for three days.

Everywhere I go, he shows up.

Face it, Jamie.

Charles is in love with me,
and I'm in love with him.

And that's why I can't
recommend you to The Club.

I'm sorry, but...

Dating a college man
will be very good for my image.

I'll see you later, okay?

- Oh hey, Jamie, listen.

I've been putting a lot
of time in on Stacy...

- Yeah, so I hear,
Mr. Backstabber.

- What?
- Don't play innocent with me!

Stacy told me the whole story.

She says I can't get
into The Club

because you're
her new boyfriend.

- Her boyfriend?
That's ridiculous!

She's just a kid.
Like you.

Except she's boring,
self-centered,

and totally without
human value.

- How can you talk that way
about someone who loves you?

- Whoa, hey, come on.

You must have a short circuit
in your curling iron, Jamie.

Listen, call her up
and invite her over here, okay?

There's got to be some kind
of misunderstanding.
[door bell]

This girl does not love me.

She doesn't even think
she loves me,

and she knows I don't love her.

- Charles, sweetheart!

- Thanks a lot, Charles.

[stammering]
- Hey, wait a minute,

you going to believe me,
or you going to believe
your eyes?

- Buddy, it was like
a bad dream.

Stacy came in and hugged me,
and then Jamie ran upstairs.

And then Stacy told me
she'd meet me at the diner

before I could get a word
in edgewise.

- Now wait a minute, let me
analyze your problem, Charles.

Jamie wanted you to like Stacy,
and now that you do,

Jamie hates you, right?
- No, no.

Stacy only thinks she likes me.

That's why she won't let Jamie
into The Club.

Jamie, listen to me.
Listen...
[stammers]

Jamie, this was not my fault.

I didn't want to be nice
to Stacy.
I only did it for you.

- Oh, thank you Charles.
And what are you going to do
for me next?

Shave my head?

- All right, look,
I'm sorry, okay?

I should not try to pick
your friends for you, okay?

- Well, if you really mean that,
you'll help me get
into the club.

- Fine.
What do I have to do?

- Just break up with Stacy.

- You want me to break up
with her?

Oh, thank you, Jamie.

I would love to break up
with her.

- Well, then do it.
- Okay.

- Because the club
votes tonight.
- All right.

Stacy.
Listen.

We have to have a serious talk
here, okay, now?

Jamie really wants to get
into your club.

- Well, who doesn't?

- Tell me something...

Can anybody join The Club?

- Well anybody can apply,
you know,

but you have to be voted in.

And very few make it.

But Charles, let's forget
about the club,

and talk about us.

Yup, but why don't we do it
by phone, okay?

- Hi!
You two want to join us?

- No sir, we're not together.

I know we seem to be
together, but, uh...

Together we're apart.

- You don't seem
to be together,

but I suggest you
get it together,

because you seem to be
falling apart.

- Charles, what do you mean
we're not together?
- Shh!

I meant, we don't
belong together.

You're not going
to see me anymore.

- Of course I'm going
to see you, Charles.

You're my boyfriend!
- Shh!

- I'm not your boyfriend.

Now look - I don't want
to see you anymore, okay?

- Yes you do.

You love me and you know it.

- She's, uh, she's rehearsing
for the school play.

- Oh.

Stacy, you do not love me,
and I do not love you, okay?

Basically, we are strangers.

All right?
Now goodbye, good luck,
have a nice life,

and let Jamie
into your club, okay?

- Forget it!

Just for that,
Jamie will never get
into my club.

If you think you can
use me, abuse me,

and then dump me,
you're wrong!

- [clears throat]
Charles, is there something
you want to tell me?

- No sir.
- Then tell me.

- Look-it, why don't you all
go on bowling,

I'll meet you there
in a few minutes?

- Oh right, right.
Come on, kids.

This boy needs his mother.

- Hi.

Wasn't that Jamie's
little friend Stacy

I just saw you with?

- I'm not with her, Mom,
I'm trying to break up
with her.

- You can't break up
with Stacy,

she's too young for you
to break up with...
- Mom, mom, mom...

I know that, I know that!
I'm the one who's not
going with her.

I mean if I were,
it would be easy.

But since I'm not, I can't.

I mean I could,
but she won't let me.

Now how am I going
to explain that to Jamie?

- I don't know,
sweetheart.

I don't know
anything anymore.

- Neither do I.
Bye Mom, I'll talk
to you later.

- Aunt Lillian?
Come on, hurry up.

The team from
Myron's Meat Market

is at the bowling alley.
They're practicing.

- All right, okay.

- Bye Adam!

Aunt Lillian,
do you know where Stacy is?

- No.
Did you get all dressed up
like that

just to ask me that?

- No, girls like Stacy
are dazzled by wealth.

See, once she starts
chasing me,

then Jamie won't want
to be in her club anymore,

and Charles will be
off the hook.

- Buddy,

they say when you're
on the verge
of a mental breakdown,

physical exercise
can be very helpful.

Would you like
to go bowling?

- In my tux?
- Why not?

Between games,
you can seat
the other bowlers.

- Yeah!

And if I earn enough tips,

maybe I could rent
some bowling shoes.

- Yes.
Yes.

Charles, we demolished
that g*ng from
Myron's Meat Market.

You should've been there!
- Yeah!

I bowled a 161,

and Walter bowled a 205.
- Ta-da!

- And I bowled a 49.

Right!
She made an unexpected comeback
in the tenth frame.

- I bowled 212.

- Lifetime totals
don't count, Adam.

- Hello, Sarah.
- Hi.

- Join me, won't you?

Would you like
to save your sister

from a fate worse
than death?

- Not really.

- Come on.
Sarah, Jamie needs us.

I need us.
Please?

- [sighs]

Okay, what do
I have to do?

- Nothing difficult.

You just have to be
verbally abused,

totally degraded,
and humiliated beyond belief.

What do you say?

- Sounds fun.
- All right!

- Adam said you wanted
to see me.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.
I, uh...
[clears throat]

I called Stacy, and told her

to invite
the membership committee

over to the house.

- They're coming here?

- Well, that means I'm in!

I'm finally in!
Thank you, Charles.

- Well...
[knocks on door]

Why don't you let them in?
I'll be right back, okay?
- Okay.

Hi.
- Hi, Jamie.

You know Christy and Yvette.
- Hi, come on in.

- So where's Charles?

- Charles?
Oh, he'll be down
in a minute.

- Oh good.

You did
the right thing, Jamie.

- How quaint.
Is there just one room
in this house?

- Oh no, there are
more rooms upstairs.

Dozens!

- Okay, let's get down
to business.

Jamie, you've been nominated
for membership in The Club.

But, before you're voted in,

there are a few things that
we need to know.

Sit down.

- So, what does
your father do?

- He's in the Navy.
And my Mom sells real estate.

Lots of it.
[laughs]

Get it?
Lots of real estate?

- Hi!

- Charles!
This is Christy and Yvette.

Did you want
to speak to me alone?

- No.

I wanted the girls to meet
Jamie's sister, Sarah.

You see, she, too,
wants to be a member
of The Club.

- You've got to be kidding.

- No, no!
Stacy said that anybody
could join.

Right, Stacy?

- Yeah.
You're right.

But we have a test
that we give

to our prospective members.

- Oh, go ahead, I love tests.
- Me too.

- Okay.

Let's say, you're looking
for a new white sweater,

and there are two
to choose from.

One's cashmere,
and the other's wool.

Which one do you buy?

- Neither one,
I already have
a white sweater.

It's Orlon.

- Orlon?

Is that a joke?

- No, it's a synthetic.

I don't wear anything
that's taken from an animal.

- What if your father bought you
a mink jacket for Christmas?

- Well, my father
wouldn't do that.

- Of course not.
He's in the Navy.

Sailors can't afford mink.

[laughter]

- Charles, that's not funny!

- Well, I thought it was
rather humorous.

- Sarah, even if we let
you into The Club,

we couldn't let your nails in.

Ew, gross.

- Well, hold it.

I mean, her nails don't
always look like that.

She's just been bowling.

- [both] Bowling?

- Ew, gross!

- Charles!

- I'm sorry, Sarah.

It's not just
your hair, your nails,

and your clothes.

It's your whole persona.

You just don't
fit in with us.

- Yeah, you're right, Stacy.

Sarah is a warm, kind,
and intelligent person.

That's why she doesn't
fit in with you.

You know, Sarah's better
than all of you put together.

So why don't you take
your stuffy club,

and stuff it.

I don't want to see you
anymore, Stacy,

and neither does Charles.

- Oh, really?

Well, I would like to hear
Charles say that.

- I don't want to see you
anymore, Stacy,

and neither does Charles.

- Well fine.
Come on, g*ng.

Let's go!

- I say, polo anyone?

Charles!

Charles, it worked.
I got rid of Stacy for you.

- Thanks, big sister.
- Thank you, little sister.

- [scoffs]
It was my idea.

- No it wasn't, it was
all Charles' idea.

- Oh, it was
all Charles' idea?

You mean, you
purposely

kept me from getting in
to that club?

You purposely destroyed
my relationship with Stacy?

- You could say that.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

- Well, I'm glad that's over.

Shall we play a game
of polo to celebrate?

- I have a better idea.

Why don't we get
the whole family together
and go bowling?

- Great!
I'll go change into my tux.

Cheerios!

- Oh, no way.
Bowling is too plebeian
for me.

- What are you talking about?

Bowling is my favorite sport.

I just wonder if I can talk
Aunt Lillian

into getting new bowling shirts.

Polyester is definitely
not my color.

[scoffs]

Wait, you guys,
I was only kidding!

You know I love polyester!

- I'm really happy, Charles.

Stacy decided to let me
be in The Club.

I'm depending on you
to back me up on this.

- Well, you got it.

- Good, I knew I could
count on you.

That's why I told Stacy
you'd go out with her tonight.

She'll be here any minute now.

Stacy's coming over here?

- [Buddy] Charles?

Oh Charles, where are you going?

- Bowling.

- Wait up, I'll go with you.

Why can't we just wear
team shirts like everybody else?

[♪ theme music]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪