05x07 - Baby Bummer

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives down stairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights and I see ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Don't, Buddy, Buddy,
what are you doing?

Oh, Charles,
it's me, Buddy.

Yes, I know that.

Well, I was afraid
you wouldn't recognize me.

I've changed a lot
since the last time
you saw me.

Oh, look, Buddy, told you why
I haven't been able to hang
out with you this past week.

It's because I wanted
to finish my studying,

so I could take Cheryl
to the prom tonight, okay?

[Buddy]
But that's why I'm here.

I'm gonna fix you lunch
so you could finish studying,
- No, I-- no.

and take Cheryl to the prom
tonight.
- No, please, Buddy.

I don't have time for this.

Now, do me a favor,
why don't you go home

and get ready
for the prom, okay?

Well, I'm not going
to the prom, Charles.

I was gonna
take Nurse Bennett

but she broke up with me
last week.

She said I was a self-centered,
uncaring, totally insensitive
barbarian.

Come on, Buddy.
I wouldn't say
you were totally insensitive.

But, I was, Charles.

And Nurse Bennett
made me see the light.

That's why I've changed.
From now on,

I'm gonna serve humanity.

I might even take out an ad
in the yellow pages

that says, "Buddy Lembeck,
he serves you right!"

Charles,
Adam has been picking up
some very bad habits lately.

He's starting to remind me
of someone I don't like.

Now, I can't quite
put my finger on who it is,

but I expect you to do
something about it.

You know, Charles,
Adam is beginning
to remind me

of someone too,
but it's someone
I like a lot.

Who could it be?

Hey, partner, how we doin'?
- Hey, great, partner!

Hold it, hold it.

Adam, since when have you
and Buddy been partners?

Since you got so busy
with your school work,
Charles.

Buddy offered
to take your place.

It's been workin' out great!

He's been giving me
a lot of good advice!

Really?
Buddy has been
giving you advice?

[laughing] Like what?

Well, like he advised me
to take all my money
out of the bank,

and invest it
in the stock market.

Thanks to him,
I'm making a bundle!

Adam, you, you took all
your money out of the bank?

Are you crazy?

The stock market can go down
just as fast as it went up,

and you could lose
everything!

Oh, but he won't, Charles.

Look, I'm just trying to help
the little nipper.

I invested
all of my money, too.
We believe in this stock!

Yeah, we even talked
my friend, Kevin Holloway,
into investing.

And, his big brother, Herman.

Herman 'The Terminator'?

Are you guys nuts?
He's a bone crusher!

I-If he loses all his money,

he'll take away
your breathing privileges!

But, look at the bright side,
Charles.

If Herman makes money,
then Herman will mellow out,

and we will have made
the world a safer place
in which to live.

Now, go ahead and...

All right, all right.
Okay, okay, fine.

Fine.
Adam, I've warned you
a thousand times.

Now if you wanna take
the easy way out,

that's up to you,
I'm not gonna say a word.

You're gonna have to live
and learn, okay?

Thanks, Charles.
- All right.

Okay, Buddy,
I have another problem.

Okay, I have a date
with Shari Carter tonight,

and I'd really rather
go out with Rachel Lewis.

So, what should I do?

Oh, this is good,
he's asking Buddy
for romantic advice.

That's no problem, Adam.

First, you call Rachel,
and you ask her out, yeah!

Then, if Rachel says yes,

you call Shari
and you break your date.

That way if Rachel says no,

you'll always have
old Shari to fall back on.

I like it, I like it.
- Live and learn, Adam.

Hi!

[phone rings]
Oh, I'll get it.

[Buddy]
Oh, no, allow me.

Hello,
this is Buddence Lembeck,
how may I serve you?

Jamie?
Yes, she's here.

Why do you ask?

Hello?

Oh, Lembeck,
are you still here?

I was just leaving,
Mr. Powell.

May I make you happy
before I go?

Oh, my happiness
will come after you go.

Good, then my efforts
haven't been in vain.

Serve you later!

Oh, yeah, Daniel,
I'd love to!

Pick me up at seven.

Yes, yes!
I have a date

with the most
popular guy in school!

Oh, no, no.
I have a date

with the most
popular guy in school,

and not a thing to wear.

Ugh, look at
the bright side, Jamie.

If you don't wear a thing,

he'll probably want
a second date.

Adam, you're starting to sound
just like Buddy Lembeck!

That's it, that's who Adam
reminds me of, Charles.

My grandson is turning
into a Lembeck!

Do something!
- I am doing something.

What!?
- Nothing, Mr. Powell.

Adam's only listening
to Buddy

because Buddy gives him
easy answers.

The smartest thing I could do
is stay out of it.

When Buddy's advice
backfires,

Adam will learn
a valuable lesson.

Yeah, well,
if this backfires on me,

you'll learn this
valuable lesson!

whether it's from the front,
or from the back,

when you're fired
you're fired!

Boom!

I'm typing
and I have no paper.

Knock, knock!

Who's there?
I am, I am who?

I am the one who said,
"knock, knock, who's there?"

How may I serve you?

From a distance.

Buddy, I just got this tux,

I got to run down
to the tailor and get it fitted.

Oh, oh, Charles,
let me do it for you!

Oh, think, man!

We're not the same person!

How could you possibly
get my tux fitted for me?

Well, if the tailor
doesn't know you,

I could always carry
your driver's license.

You know, Buddy,
if you really want to help
the human race,

you know what you should do?

You should study their ways,
and try to imitate them.

Hey, partner, how we doin'?
- Great, partner!

Our stock went up another
three points this morning!

Unreal, Buddy.
Your other plan worked, too.

Rachel agreed to go out
with me tonight,

I called Shari
and broke my date.

Uh-oh.
- What does uh-oh mean?

Nothing.

Adam, someone's here
to see you.

Hillary!
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

Her mother just dropped
her off.

She said you promised
to baby-sit tonight.

Tonight?
Wa-was that tonight?

Oh, no, I have a date tonight!
- Ah-ha!
So the plot thickens.

Huh... like I said my boy,
live and learn.

Hillary, you have a nice time
with Adam tonight, okay?

Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye... bye-bye.

Uh, I have to break my date!
- No, you don't.

Your old friend Buddy

would be happy to baby-sit
with Hillary tonight.

You would?
How could I ever thank you?

Isn't that what helping
humanity is all about?

Going that extra mile
for someone in need

with no thought of reward.

How much do they pay you
to baby-sit?

Two-fifty an hour.
- I'll take it.

♪ ♪

Okay, Hillary,
you sit right here,

and Uncle Buddy's gonna get
you some ice cream, yay!

Ruthie, Ruthie.
I need you to come in and work.

Two of my waitresses
didn't show up today.

Which two?
I'll give you a hint.

Sylvia was one of them,
you were the other one.

Aunt Lillian, are you busy?

Yes, Buddy, I'm very busy.

I just need some ice cream.

Buddy, sweetheart, honey,

if you want ice cream,
you're gonna have to get it
yourself!

Ruthie, my customers
are dishing up
their own ice cream!

No, I can't hire
my customers.

Who would they wait on?

Never mind, I'll call Sylvia.

Rachel, I'm sorry
I'm late for our date.

Don't go away.

Buddy, Buddy!
Our stock dropped 10 points!

We're financially ruined!

And when Herman Holloway
finds out,

we'll also be
physically ruined!

What are we gonna do?

Uh, let's go see
our stockbroker.

Okay, but somebody
has to stay here
and watch Hillary.

Yeah.

Um, go ask Aunt Lillian

if she's gonna be here
for a while.

Okay.

Aunt Lillian,
are you gonna be here
for a while?

Yes, Adam, I'm very busy.

Hey, she is gonna be here
for a while.

Did, did she say
it was all right if we left?

She didn't say.
- Okay, I better double-check,
stay here.

Sylvia, please come in
and work for me today!

What does that mean,
"no?"

Aunt Lillian, are you sure
it would be all right

if I left...
- Yes, it would be lovely!

Aunt Lillian says it's okay,
let's go.

Sylvia, what am I gonna do?

Employment office?
Good idea!

Okay, I'll go right now!
Okay, bye.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hillary?

Where's Adam?

I don't know.

Well, is-isn't Adam
taking care of you tonight?

No.

Who is taking care
of you tonight?

Buddy.

Oh, well,
where's-where's Buddy?

I don't know.

I don't believe this!

You mean,
Adam gave you to Buddy

and Buddy lost you?
- Uh-huh.

Oh, no.

Hillary,
I'm-I'm running very late,
you see,

and-and I'm starving,

and I don't have time to eat,

because
I-I-I have a date tonight,

with a very beautiful
girl named Cheryl.

And Cheryl hates guys
who are late,

and Uncle Charles
really wants Cheryl to like him.

So, um, can-can
I have your ice cream?

No.
- Okay.

Look, Hillary,
I want you to stay right here.

Okay, and wait
for Uncle Buddy.

Sooner or later,
he will realize

that you're not with him.

Uncle Buddy
is a very intelligent man.

I can't lie to you, Hillary.
He's a dummy.

Come with me.
Come on, take your ice cream.

Here ya go.
Is that a good thing?
Humph?

Okay, open the door,
thank you.
Here you go.

Buddy, Buddy!
Where's Rachel?

I've got a better question.
Where's little Hillary?

Oh... well
where's Aunt Lillian?

The kitchen!
Aunt Lillian!

[Buddy screaming]

She's not in there, Adam!

But, she left the grill on!

Try the ladies room!

[female screams]

Okay, she's not in there,
either.

Forget Aunt Lillian,
we gotta find little Hillary!

Well, I thought you asked
Aunt Lillian to watch her!

I thought you did!

[Buddy and Adam scream
in unison]

♪ ♪

Okay, Hillary, come on in
and sit down.

Okay.

No, no sweetie, come on.

You have to,
you have to sit over there,

Come on up.
There you go,
there you go, okay.

Buddy?
Adam?

[Hillary laughing]

Oh, good.

Listen, Hillary,
I have to find somebody
to take care of you.

So I can go and get ready
for the prom.

Now let's see,
who do I call?

Ghostbusters.

Oh, Jaime, great!
Great, listen.

Listen, I'm glad to see you!

I have a very big surprise
for you!

I'm gonna let you babysit
Hillary!

No, I can't Charles!
Daniel has tickets

for the Rolling Stones
Farewell Concert!

I'll give you
a thousand dollars!

Sorry, Charles, Daniel's
already on his way over!

It's too late
to break my date!

Oh, come on!
He's, he's not even
gonna show up!

He's expecting you
to break the date.

[car horn honking]
Sorry, Charles.

Bye-bye, Hillary.
- Bye-bye.

I'll give you
two thousand dollars!

Sarah, oh, oh, oh!
I'm so glad to see you,
Sarah!

So glad to see you!
You know why?

You know why?
Because you are the kindest,

the warmest,
the most sensitive
human being I know.

Oh.
- Sarah, that's why...

I'm gonna trust you
to take care of little Hillary.

Charles,
I appreciate your trust,

but my poetry club's
giving me an award tonight.

Oh.
- If I didn't show up,
they'd hate me.

I'd hate myself!
Then I'd end up hating you!

I'm sorry, Charles,

but I know you wouldn't
want me to hate you.

Goodbye, Hillary.
- Bye-bye.

Okay, Hillary come on.

We'll figure something out.
First, first I have to call...

... my date,
and tell her, why I'm late.

See, this should be fun
for you.

[sighs]
Hello, uh, Cheryl,
it-it's me.

Ye-yes, I, yes,
I know I'm late,

and I-I have
a very good reason
for being late, you see...

I-I'm with this, this girl
named Hillary,

and I can't leave her alone.

Hello?
Hello!

Okay, let's go downstairs
and do something, I don't know.

Come on, come on,
where you going?

Please, Please!
I'm begging!
Come on.

There we go.

Okay, all right,
Hillary, now listen.

Uncle Charles
is really starving, so...

He'll let you play
with Sarah's doll,

if you give him
your cookie, okay?

No!

Oh, all right, you win.

Uh, here.
Listen, Hillary,

I-I have to get ready
for the prom, so...

I want you to do me
a big favor, okay?

I want you
to call your mommy.
- Okay.

Mommy!

Never mind,
I'll call your mommy.

Do you know your last name?
- Uh-huh.

Good, what is it?
- Smith.

Smith?
Wonderful!

That should narrow it down
to about 750 names.

Okay, all right,
I have a better idea.

All right,
I'll-I'll-I'll tell it to you

while I finish dressing.
You wait right here.

Okay.
- Okay, Hillary, all right.

Now, I bet you'd recognize
your house

if you saw it, right?
- Uh-huh.

Okay, good!
So here's what we have to do.

We have to go outside,

look around the neighborhood,
and find your house.

Okay.

Now, even if your mommy
isn't home,

somebody should be there.

You know, most girls
would be cryin' by now,

but you've been a good sport
about everything.

Except for the, uh...

except for the ice cream
and the cookie,

but, who could blame you
for that.

Okay, get ready,
here comes Uncle Chucky!

[Charles and Mr. Powell scream]

Mr. Powell,
where's that little girl?

What little girl?

[Mr. Powell
clears his throat]

[Mr. Powell mumbles]

Make myself a sandwich.

Mr. Powell, have you seen
the little girl?

What little girl?

[footsteps]

[door opens]

[door slams]

Charles!
- Oh...

Charles, have you seen
the little girl?

What little girl?

Uh, I had her here,
but she left.

She's gotta be somewhere
in the neighborhood.

Don't worry, Charles.
You go on to the prom,
we'll find her.

No way!
You're the guy who lost her!

You're the guy who lost her
after you found her!

Yeah, but I found her
before I lost her!

But, I'm the guy who's
supposed to be babysitting!

Are you nuts?
You're the guy who turned her
over to Buddy!

Then I should be the guy
who finds her!

And, I should be the guy
that helps him.

And you should be the guy
that goes to the prom!

Don't worry, Charles,
we'll find her!

I can't go to the prom!

I gotta find
that little girl!

What little girl?

♪ ♪

[Adam]
It's no use, Buddy!
We've looked everywhere!

Hillary's vanished!
We've gotta call the police!

Right!
[doorbell rings]

Maybe it's Hillary!

Mrs. Smith!
- Hello, Adam.

Uh, Buddy!
Buddy, this is Mrs. Smith.

I don't have time
to meet anyone now, Adam!

Mrs. Smith
is Hillary's mother!

And what a lovely mother
she is.

It's nice to meet you,
Mrs. Smith.

So, uh...

What do you hear
from your daughter lately?

Um, nothing.
I'm here to pick her up.

Who?

Hillary.
Where is she?

Uh, Hillary, she's uh...

she's uh...

... with Charles.

Oh, Hillary, honey.
Where were you?

Dancing.

I-I took her
to my college prom.

You took
a three year old girl
to a college prom?

Yeah, you see, my-my date
loves children and,

and-and she also loves
the guys who love children,

so I just thought
I'd take her along.

And we had a good time,
right, Hillary?

Right.
- Yeah.

Oh, well, that's so sweet.
Oh, thank you, Adam,

for taking care
of my little girl.

My pleasure, Mrs. Smith.

Actually, Mrs. Smith,
I didn't take good care
of Hillary.

Actually, I lost her.

Charles is the one
who found her,

and he took good care of her.

I see.

Well.

I am very disappointed
in you, Adam.

If I were you,
I wouldn't expect anymore

baby-sitting jobs
for a while.

Thank you, Charles.
- You're welcome.

Good night.
- Good night.

Bye, Hillary.

Bye-bye, Uncle Chucky.

Thank you, take care.

I'm sorry, Charles.

I mean,
I learned my lesson,

I'll never take the easy way
out again.

From now on,
I want to be like you

and do everything
the hard way.

Oh, stop whining, Adam.

So, we lost all of our money
in the stock market.

So, we lost our girlfriends.
Look at the bright side.

What bright side!

We're still alive.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Yeah, they're both here.

Oh, hey,
you're more than welcome.

Bye.

Oh, that was just
Herman Holloway,

he's on his way over
to k*ll you guys.

[Buddy and Adam scream
in unison]

What little girl?

♪ ♪

Mmm.

Hi.
- Hello.

I need some advice.

Well, talk to Charles,
don't talk to me.

I was talking to Charles.

Oh, big deal.

Sit down, Adam,
what is it?

Well, first I dump Shari
so I could go out
with Rachel.

Now, Rachel is mad at me
and I lost all my money.

So, do you think
it would be okay

if I could call Shari again?

Well, I think
you have to, Adam.

The main thing is you learned
a very valuable lesson.

Now, just call up, uh, Shari

and tell here what happened,
I think she'll understand.

Thanks, Charles,
you solved my problem.

You're welcome.
Just tell Shari
you'll go out with her.

Oh, I don't want to ask
her out.

I just want to ask her
if she'll loan me ten bucks

so I can take Rachel out.

Adam, Adam, wait a minute!

Tell her to make it 20
and we'll go double.

♪ ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ and I see ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪ ♪

[fanfare]