05x09 - Child Hoods

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪♪

Adam, Adam!

I just got off the phone
with Mr. Flanker.

From now on, you and your
friends are not to use his
backyard as a private crosswalk.

But, Grampa if we don't cut
through Mr. Flanker's yard,

it will take us an extra ten
minutes to get home.

Well, then it's gonna take you
an extra ten minutes.
You get it?

Got it.
Good!

[wood scratching]

Oh.

Hello, Charles.

Hello, Sir.

How was bicycle practice?

[panting]

You know I,

I've never ridden
a tandem bike before.

Uh-huh.

But,

I figure once we work
the kinks out,

everything will be okay.

Great.

You know, it's, uh,

nice of you to take your
vacation time, Charles,

to, uh, ride with, Sarah.

[groans]

Well, it's for charity, sir.
- Uh-huh.

Besides,
you're riding with Jamie.

I figure if Sarah wants to win,
she's gonna need an iron man

like me to help her.

Grampa!

Charles and I just beat our
record that beat our old record.

Oh, well that's all well and
good, Sarah, but remember,

the purpose of this race,

is to raise money
for the school library.

Winning isn't
all that important,

and remember, Jamie and I are
gonna be in the race,

and we're gonna wipe you out.

You?
And Jamie?

[laughs hard]

Sarah!

Charles, this letter came for
you, postage due.

Hey, Charles!
I did it!

I finally saved up the $742
I'm gonna need to buy
my new patio furniture.

Buddy,

you don't even have a patio.

So, the Wright brothers built an
airplane and they didn't even
have an airport.

All I need to do now, is pick
out the right fabric.

Did you hear about that new job?

Not yet.

What new job?

I applied for a part time,

job teaching at night school.

Why would anybody want to go to
school at night?

It's depressing enough
in the daytime.

Buddy, guess who's coming here
to see me!

Annette Funicello.

What is wrong with you, I don't
know Annette Funicello.

Oh, sure you do.
She's that girl that's in all

those beach movies with
Frankie Avalon.

I'm talking about some friends
from my old neighborhood.

My old childhood buddies!

[phone rings]

Hello?

He-hello?

Yeah, this is Charles.

Collect call.
From who?

Oh, absolutely I'll accept it.
Yeah, thanks.

Mooch!

Hey!

Where are you guys?

Oh, that's perfect.
Th-thats right near my mom's

diner, it's called
"The Yesterday Cafe."

All right, great, I'll be there
in ten minutes.

Just let me change my clothes,
and take a hot shower.

All right, I'll see you
in a little while.

Buddy.

You gotta meet these guys.

They're the greatest.

You know what they did once?

They snuck into my bedroom,

They threw a blanket
over my head,

they threw me into the trunk of
a car and took me into a cabin
in the woods.

Guess why they did it?

Because they knew you had
witnessed a m*rder,

and they kidnapped you to keep
you from the k*ller,

until the trail began!

No.

They were throwing me a surprise
birthday party.

Oh.

Pretty exciting.

I hate it when he does that.

Listen, we had
the word "hangman,"

written on the back
of all of our jackets.

Guess why we were
called the hangman?

Because you went to a fortune
teller and found out that all

four of you were executioners
in a previous life.

Buddy?

Why must you always guess
something so outlandish,

that it makes my real answers
sound dull?

Um...

because my mind has been taken
over by intergalactic invaders,

from outer space?

We were called the hangmen,
because we were always hanging
out together.

I don't get it.

Hi-ya boys.
Hi, Mom.

Either of you want a burger
on the house?

Somebody at table number two
just went vegetarian on me.

I'll take it.

You're not going to believe this
Mom, guess who's in town?

Yo, Pinch!

Yo, Hangmen!

Hello, boys.

[all yelling]

Buddy, come here I want you
to meet the guys, man.

Listen, this is Mooch!

This is Slick,
and this is Spitball.

Guys, this is Buddy Lembeck.
- How you doin'?

Nice meetin' you.

Pleasures all yours eh?

Yeah,
it's nice to meet you guys too,

I'm sure I'll see you around.

You okay, Buddy?

Yeah, I'm a little hungry,
but other than that...

Hey!

Hey Pinch, my dogs
are k*lling me.
Let's sit down.

All right, you got it.

You know you guys couldn't have
come at a better time?

I just started
a two week vacation.

Hey, so have we!

No kidding.
Listen.

What have you guys been doing
for the past three years?

Well actually we've been
thinking about opening up our
own business.

No kidding, Spit.
What kind of business?

We haven't quite nailed it down
yet but, uh,

as soon as it starts
making a profit,

you're getting a piece of it.

Ah, thanks guys, but I wouldn't
want to cut in to your action.

Hey, you have to, we're
The Hangmen, remember?

It's one for all,

all: and all for one.

How did you guys
find me anyways?

Well, we were hanging out at
Mel's Market and we ran into
your cousin Eugene.

And he brought us up to speed.

Yeah, I never would have pegged
you for college.

We were going to give college
a shot too but,

we overslept and missed the bus.

Tell ya the truth...

We couldn't take another four
years of listening to teachers.

Teachers are real goofballs.

So?

What are you gonna do?

When you graduate?

So, where are you
guys staying in town?

Well where else?
With you!

Sarah, what are you doing?

I'm trying to pick a spot for
the trophy I'll get when Charles
and I win the tandem bike race.

Come on, Sarah, you and Charles,
couldn't beat Grampa and me,

if we were riding
a tandem tricycle.

Right, and Shakespeare wrote
bumper stickers.

You don't have a chance, Jamie.

I'm even going to be wearing my
lucky charm bracelet.

Sarah, you couldn't win if you
were wearing a lucky rocket.

Hey, hey, hey!
Nice digs, Pinch.

Hello, Charles.

Mr. Powell, I want you to meet
some old friends of mine.

They're gonna be staying with me
for a couple of days.

With you?

As in here?

As in with me?

[laughs]
Charles.

What an honor it will be to stay
under the same roof,

with one of the great Naval
heroes of this century.

We've all been
seriously considering the Navy,
as a career ourselves.

[laughs]

Well, you couldn't choose
a better profession, huh?

Welcome aboard, boys.

I like your friends, Charles.

Well, anchors away!

Hi, Charles.

[boys whistle]
Whoa!

Hey, fox!
You wanna show me your room?

Only if you promise to jump out
my window, creepoid.

Ha-ha, Jamie.

These are some old friends of
mine... They're gonna be staying
with me for a little while.

Oh, wonderful, I'll start
spreading out some newspaper.

Hey, Slick, I think she
likes you, man.
- Oh, yeah!

[indistinct yelling]

Hey, Charles.

Great news.

I finally found the perfect
fabric for my patio furniture.

Oooh, I didn't know you were
an "inferior" decorator.

Maybe you can help me
re-upholster my gazebo.

Well, yeah, sure I've got all
the fabric samples right here.

Take your pick!

[spits]

So why do they call
you Spitball?

♪♪

You know Pinch, you've been
treating us great, listen,

we're planning to tool down to
New Orleans in a couple of days,

and, ah, catch the Mardi Gras.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You said you had a couple weeks
off, why don't you come along
with us?

Oh man, I'd love to go down to
New Orleans, that'd be great.

Only thing is,

I have to wait to hear about
this job I applied for.

But, I'll tell you what,

if I don't get the job,
I'll go down with you.

[all] All right!

Lets get something to eat.

Hi, Charles.

[wolf whistling]

Oh, you guys are still here.

What happened no vacancies at
the Roach Motel?

She's got the fever for me, bad.

Hey, hey, hey.
You are not going up there...

I will!

[yelling]

Men!
Men, men, men.

Attention!

Attention!

Hi, that's a great outfit you
have on there, Mr. Powell.

You look like a lean, mean
fighting machine.

Thank you.

Well, at ease men.

Would you get a look
at Admiral Bluey!

He looked like a giant smurf.

Yeah, how could a guy wear that
and still call himself a man.

Imagine, Pinch here in an
outfit like that.

Ah, no way.

I mean not unless he wanted to
win the 'Miss Sissyboy Contest.'

Right, Pinch?

Oh, yeah, no way man.

Come on, let's split.

We're gonna get
some sleeping bags

so you can have your bed back.

Thanks a lot, Mooch.

[Sarah]
Charles!

Look guys,
I'll be there in a minute.

Yeah.
- We have to practice
for the bike race.

Why aren't you
in your racing clothes?

Oh, uh,

Well, could, uh...

Sarah, listen, there's nothing I
like better than put on a silly

outfit and ride in a bicycle
built for two, but you see,

Uh,

Something's come up and I can't
be in the race with you.

Charles you promised.
I-I-I know.

But you see I applied for this
part time job,

and if I don't get it, I'm going
to tool down to New Orleans,

with the guys.

I just wanted to tell you so
I wouldn't let you down.

You are letting me down.
- That's true but,

but, I'm letting you know,
I'm letting you down see,

so I'm really not
letting you down.

This way you can find
another partner.

Somebody good, okay?

Hey, Pinch?

The meters running, come on!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Sarah.
I gotta go.

Good luck in the race.

[sadly sighs]

I'm very disappointed
in you, Charles.

Come on, Mom.
Sarah can find another partner
for that bike race.

That's not the point.
She was counting on you.

Why would you back out
at the last minute?

I have my reasons.

Those reasons, wouldn't by
chance have anything to do with

three rude, obnoxious,
parasites, would they?

Mom, come on now.
Those guys were my best friends.

In all the years I was growing
up, they never let me down.

Now, there's the difference
you see,

while you were growing up,
they weren't.

They are still 12 years old.

Oh, they are not.

Look, they may not let you down,
but they sure pull you down.

Yo, Hangmen, what's up?

Hey, Pinch, it's decision time.

We're blowing town tomorrow for
the Mardi Gras, so,

what's the scoop on your job.

I, uh, haven't heard yet.

You guys have enough money
for this trip?

Oh, not yet but we will.

Yeah, remember when we all
wanted that BB g*n,

and you told your mom you needed
a new glove for little league?

She came through.

Yeah,
she's a fine lady, your mother.

I know she'd want you to have a
good time in New Orleans.

Unless you're 'fraid to ask her.

Get out of, I'm not afraid
to ask her, hang on.

Mom,
I need to borrow some money.

For what?
Another BB g*n?

Forget it.

If you think I'm giving you
one penny to spend on

Huey, Dewey and Louie,
you're wrong.

Ah, looks like the old cookie
jar is fresh out of cookies.

Hey, don't sweat it, Pinch.
We'll...

We'll find another cookie jar.
Right, Hangmen?!

[all agreeing]

No, come on Mooch, it's one
thing to say you're gonna

find another cookie jar,
and another thing finding it.

Not if you use your head, Spit.

Think guys.

Who do we know who has money?

[both] Buddy Lembeck!
- Right.

Okay, that does it!

Old man Flanker caught us
crossing his yard again,

turned the hose on us.

This is w*r!

Hey,
remember the Hangmen's motto!

"Don't get mad,
get spray paint!"

Yeah.

[phone rings]

I better get that.
It might be the phone.

Hello?

Who's calling?

What job?

Oh, yes, this is Charles, look,

I changed my mind,

I'm going out of town and,

I won't be able
to accept the job.

Thank you.

Hi guys, is Charles here?

He said he would go with me
to go pick out some
new patio furniture.

He's out gassing up the car.

Oh, well,

I brought by this
little sample of fabric

to try out on this
old lawn chair.

Buddy.

I'm sorry we laughed
about your furniture.

We were just trying to lift
Charles' spirit because of his
back condition.

Hey, hey Mooch, Charles didn't
want anybody to know about that.

It's okay, I'm sure Buddy
already knows that Charles has,

spinal gamma goobalum.
And that without an operation,

it can be fatal.

Ah, no wait a minute, I've known
Charles for years

he doesn't have,
spamma ginal geebulum!

It went away, it didn't come
back 'til two o'clock,

last Monday, afternoon.

Spinal gamma goobalum does that.

It goes away for a while
and then...

Bam!

Haven't you noticed how uh,

straight Charles has been
standing lately?

Yeah!

I thought he had
abnormally good posture.

It's because he can't bend over.
- Yeah.

And if we could just get him to
Doctor Cajun in New Orleans,

he'd have a chance.

Wait a minute, Cajun?

I've heard that name.

Doctor Cajun,

even agreed to perform the
operation for only 742 dollars,
but...

Whose got that kind of money?

Guys, guys!

That's the exact amount of money
I've saved up
for my patio furniture.

Now, stop right there, Buddy.

There's no way we're gonna take
your patio furniture money just,

to save Charles' life.

Now wait a minute.
Charles is my best friend.

You have to take my money.

Please!
- No!

Please!
- No!

Okay.

We'll do you the favor
under one condition.

That you don't breathe a word
of this to anyone.

Especially Charles.

Oh, you got a deal.

Thanks for taking my money guys.

How can I ever repay you?

We'll think of something.

Hey guys?
Guys!

Jamie, Jamie,
taking third place in a bicycle
race is nothing to sneeze at.

Grampa, we lost.

Hey, hi, who won?

V-I-C-T-O-R-I-E!
Victory, victory, yayyy team!

They won, the odd couple.

Yeah, my pet granddaughter,
and my pet peeve.

I think I'll take this suit off,
I'm beginning to get a rash.

It's a good thing Charles wasn't
my racing partner,

I would have lost for sure.

The bad news is I did lose my
lucky charm bracelet

during the race.
But it was worth it!

Buddy, I can't believe you were
Sarah's parter.

Uh, believe it.

Only Buddy could get lost, stop
and ask for directions,

three times, in the same gas
station, and still win the race.

Yeah, one more visit
and I'll have a complete set
of drinking glasses.

Buddy,

I'll never forget you for this.

You really came through for me,
when I needed you.

You're a true friend.

Sarah, you don't understand.

Yeah Sarah, if Charles
had been in that race

he might have seriously
injured his back.

Well, what does that mean?

Nothing, why do you ask?

Oh, no reason.

Well, come on Buddy.
Let's get something to drink.

Okay.

Oh, Charles, if you have to tie
your shoe or anything...

Don't.

There's something
wrong with him.

Hey, let's go, Pinch!

The Mardi Gras express
is ready to pull out.

Yeah, some guy called
when you were out,

you didn't get the job.

I didn't?

Oh.

Ah, you guys got enough money
for this trip?

No problem!
We found that other cookie jar.

Oh.

All right, well just, uh, let me
get my stuff, and say goodbye.

I'll be out in a minute, okay.

All right, hurry it up.
We'll be in the car.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Yeah, this is Charles.

You want me to
reconsider the job?

There is nothing to reconsider,
I want the job.

Wait, what did you mean
why did turn it down?

I didn't turn it down.

Hang on, listen.

I think I know who
you talked to.

He made a mistake.
A very big mistake.

Absolutely I can be there.
What's the address?

Uh-huh.

Okay, thank you very much.
Thank you.

Charles, you're bending over!

One more bend like that and not
even Dr. Cajun could help you.

All right Buddy.
What's going on, out with it.

Okay Charles, I confess.

I know all about the back
operation you're supposed to get

in New Orleans.

But please don't blame the guys
for telling me,

If they hadn't told me,
I wouldn't have been able
to give

them my furniture money.

Wait a minute.
They told you that,

I needed a back operation,

in New Orleans,
from a Dr. Cajun?

And you paid for it?

Well, yeah.

Those bummms!

[aggravated sigh]

Buddy.

They played a trick on you,

to get your money.

They did?

Those bummms!!

Hey Charles, see you later.

Adam, where are you going with
the spray paint?

I'm gonna go do a little
redecorating on old man
Flanker's garage.

No you're not.

Hey, what do you mean?

You and the Hangmen did it when
you were my age.

That's not true.

Now, listen to me, my job is to
keep you from making mistakes.

Okay, now just
forget about the spray paint.

Yeah right,

everybody gets to make mistakes
except the kid.

Hey, Pinch.

While we're young.

Uh, listen, you uh...

You sure you got enough money
uh, Mooch?

Hey, doesn't this look like
enough money?

Yeah.
There you go Buddy, it's yours.
- Hey!

Charles, Charles!

This is the exact amount
of money I need to buy
my patio furniture.

It's amazing.

All right Mooch, why don't you
guys take a hike, okay.

What are you talking about?

Come on,
we're your best friends.

My best friend?

Yeah, you want to know what
a best friend is, Mooch?

A best friend is a guy,

who will give up his patio
furniture money,

when he doesn't
even have a patio...

To give me
an operation I don't need.

A guy,

who maybe a lunatic,

but who's willing to grow,

and be an adult lunatic.

This is a best friend.

Yeah?
Well what am I?

You're history.

All right, Buddy.

Let's go buy you some patio
furniture and get Sarah a charm
bracelet, come on.

Thanks, Charles!
- Ow, my back!

Ah!
- Don't worry,
I'll call Dr. Cajun!

[Buddy] Dr. Cajun!
Dr. Cajun!

But Charles, I still don't
understand why

I can't spray paint
Mr. Flanker's garage.

[seriously]
Uh, Charles, why don't you go
into the kitchen

and get us something to drink.
I'll handle this, all right?

You?

[chuckles]

Yes, Charles.
I'm a mature adult.

I'm perfectly capable of
instructing the young lad.

All right, set him straight.

[seriously]
You see, Adam, spray painting
Mr. Flanker's garage

is a foolish endeavor,
foolish and dangerous.

[back to normal]
Now what I'd do is I take a full
bucket of water

and I'd put it over his screen
door so that when he walks out
in the morning, splat.

That's a great idea, Buddy.
I'll go do it right now.

There's a good lad!

Ahh!

Going somewhere?

[whining]
It's all his fault!

He made me do it!
He made me do it!

♪ ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪