05x19 - Lost Resort

[bunniefuu]

[♪

[♪ theme

[♪ theme music]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

- How often do I get
a chance to do

Professor Higler a favor?

He's done me thousands
of favors, but can I help him
even once?

No-o-o!

- Uh, Charles, something wrong?

- Oh, hi.
Fine, thanks.

- Hi, Grampa.
Hi, Aunt Lillian.

- Oh, hi!
- Hi, sweetheart!

Look at this...
Look at this disgusting ad
for suntan lotion.

Look, it shows a beach
in Hawaii.

All that-that white sand,

blue skies, clean air.

Makes me sick.

- Hi, what's going on?

- Clean air makes Charles sick.

- No, it's not that, Mom,
it's not that.

It's...the problem is,
Professor Higler,
my favorite teacher,

has a brother who runs a hotel
in Hawaii, right?

Now, he wants a college student
to go down there

and help his brother
run the hotel

during spring break,
and he asked me to do it.

- What did you tell him?
- What could tell him,
Mr. Powell?

I told him I couldn't,
because you're going to be busy
with your club,

and Mrs. Powell is visiting
her husband,

and I gotta stay here
with the kids.

- Charles, Ellen and I
only made those plans

because you didn't want
to go anyplace...

- I know that, Mr. Powell,
but the thing is,

Professor Higler asked me
to do him a favor,

and I'm going to have
to let him down.

- Oh, hey Charles.
I didn't know you were here.

Buddy's waiting for you
in the kitchen.

Buddy's here?

Hey...

Maybe he'd like to go
to Hawaii.

Why not?

Fit right in with the rest
of the coconuts.

Buddy, what are you doing?

I'm practicing.

I'm taking my fiancée,
Nurse Bennett, into a cave.

She's a, whatcha-call-it,
one of those people

that likes
to explore caverns.

Spelunker?

Well, not yet,
but I'm hoping to,
once I get her in the cave.

[sighs]
Buddy, sit down for a minute.

Listen...

[clears throat]
Now...

Now, listen to me.
Professor Higler needs
my help, okay?

He's got a brother that runs
a hotel on Maui

called the Coconut Beach Hotel.

You listening to me?

All right.

Now, he needs a college student
to go down there

and be his assistant manager.

I can't go.

I thought you might.

Gee, Charles, I'd love to help
you help Professor Higler,

but Nurse Bennett and I leave
in a little less than an hour.

I mean, it is a little late
to be asking.

Yeah...
Yeah, I guess you're right,
it is a little late.

All right, Buddy, have
a good time on your vacation,
I'll talk to you later.

- Okay, see you later, Charles.
- All right.

- Charles!
What happened with Lembeck?

- Oh, he can't go.
- Oh, good!

Because we decided you deserve
a trip to Hawaii.

We even collected enough money
to pay for your plane fare.

- That's right.
There's a plane leaving for L.A.
in one hour,

and you'll catch a flight
tomorrow at noon for Hawaii.

You better get moving.
- Wow, thanks!

Okay!

Hey Charles!
Maybe I can help you.

Hello?
Is anybody home?

Hello, is this Dudley Krantz?

Probably, who's this?

This is your cousin,
Buddy Lembeck.

Listen, are you still majoring

in hotel administration?

Yeah, why?

Boy, have I got
a job for you:

Assistant manager
of the Coconut Beach Hotel.

Talk to the manager,
Mr. Higler,

and tell him his brother
sent you.

You're kidding, this is
my dream come true!

Where is this hotel?

- Maui!
Hawaii!

Now, you're in California,
so just go south,

and hang a right.

If you get there in a day,
the job is yours.

I'm on my way.
Thanks, Buddy!

Bye!

Gee, I sure hope
Charles appreciates this.

Yeah... Yeah...
Yeah...

Whoa!

Mitchell!
Mitchell, we've died
and gone to Heaven.

No, Dudley, we've lived
and gone to Hell.

We're not allowed
to touch these girls.

If Mr. Higler catches us
even thinking about it,

he'll cut off our...
Benefits.

Excuse me, Mr. Green!

Here's today's
reservations list.

I am proud to say
that every room,

with the exception of 555,
is booked.

[clears throat]

Oh, Dudley, this is Tippi,
our lovely reservations
manager.

Tippi, say hello to
Dudley Krantz.
He's new.

Hi, I'm Tippi.

Welcome aboard.
- I... I...

Goodness, you don't have
to say, "Aye-aye."

Welcome aboard is just
a figure of speech.

Bright girl!
I should've known.

And with a body like that,

could her brain be any less
than perfect?

You're wasting
your time, Dudley.

Tippi doesn't believe
in pre-marital relations.

Is that why you majored
in hotel administration,
so you could meet women?

I guess I'm just doing this
to prove to everybody,
and myself,

that I'm good at something.

It's also a great way
to meet women.
Yeah!

Tell me about it.
The problem is we have
to obey the rules.

No fraternizing
with the female guests

or the female employees.

Who can I fraternize with?

Your wife.

Aloha, gentlemen.

Mr. Higler?
I don't have a wife.

- Well, chalk one up
for womankind.

Uh, who are you?

Oh, I'm your new
assistant manager,
Dudley Krantz.

You hired me last night.

Oh, yes, Mr. Krantz.

Well, how do you like
working at my little hotel?

Oh, it's very nice,
but I was promised a free room,

and I don't have a room.

Mitch and I are sharing
an old, abandoned boathouse.

No, no, Mr. Krantz.

You see, when boats are
staying there,
it's a boathouse.

When you're staying there,
it's a room.

Now get behind the desk.
- Yes, sir.

Oh, I was also promised
free food.

Well, you get free food,
Mr. Krantz.

You see, all the fish
you can eat...

when the tide comes in.

Good morning, Mr. Higler.

- Who are you?
- Mitchell Green, I'm your
other assistant manager.

Who cares?

Now, Mr. Krantz, as I recall,

you were sent here
by my brother,

the big-time college professor?

I hate college people.

And we hate college!

Don't suck up.

The only reason
I hire college people

is because Henry Horton
insists on it.

Henry Horton?
What a coincidence.

That's the name of the guy
that owns this hotel.

He owns the entire chain.

As a matter of fact,
Henry Horton
is coming here today.

So, I want no problems at all,
do you understand?

No problems.

So, I'm going to be
watching you.

Both of you.

Seems like a nice guy.

Yeah, I thought so, too,

'til he bit me.

Hi...

Buddy...

Buddy, what are you doing here?
You should be in a cave!

That's funny, that's what
my father always said.

I'm Dudley Krantz,
assistant manager

of this entire hotel.

You mean you're not
Buddy Lembeck?

No, but my cousin is.

Wonderful guy!
He got me this job.

What...I'm Charles!
I'm Buddy's best friend.

Wait a minute.
I was supposed to have this job.

I flew all the way here
from New Jersey.

Sorry.
Job's taken.

I tell you what, why don't you
check into the hotel
and have a vacation?

No way, I can't afford
to stay here.
We have a problem.

- Problem?
Problem?
- No problem.

I have a plan.
Charles...

Mitch and I have
a lovely chateau,
it has everything.

Walls, floor,
and a bathroom.

It's that little building
down by the bay.

You can stay there
as long as you like.

You know, it's amazing.
If you had

darker hair and fewer brains,
you'd look exactly
like Buddy.

Thanks.

You see, Mitch?
No problem.

[phone rings]

Front desk.
Dudley Krantz speaking.

You're gonna what?

Hello?

It was some guy
named Leonard Burley.

He says he's going to jump
out the fifth floor window.

And you don't think
that's a problem?

Tippi, we don't have
a hotel guest named
Leonard Burley, do we?

Oh, well, we did have.

He stayed in suite 555
last night.

Wait, do you mean
he hasn't checked out yet?

No.

But I think he's about to.

[screams]

There, now you see, Mitch?

How can the guy
jump out of the window

if he's not even in the room?

Speaking of the window,

why is that one open?

[both scream]

Geez, you almost
scared me to death!

Mr. Burley, what are you
doing on that ledge?

I'm threatening to jump.

Any way we can change
your mind about that?

Yeah...
Yeah, my girlfriend, Shirley,
refuses to marry me.

You can, uh, call her
and tell her what I'm doing.

Here's the number.

Did you hear that?

This isn't a problem,
it's emotional blackmail.

[pounding on door]

[Higler]
Krantz?
Green?

Open up, in the name
of the manager.

[singing]
♪ How do we know
you're the manager? ♪

♪ I'll beat you senseless ♪

It's him.

- Mr. Higler.
- Just leaving.

Uh-huh.
Miss Brewster said I'd find
you men up here.

Uh-huh.
Well, Miss Brewster was right.

We were just making sure
that this beautiful ,empty room

was still beautiful.
- And empty.

- Well, it better stay empty.

Henry Horton just called
from Honolulu.

He'll be here in an hour.

Here?
Uh...

The owner of this hotel
wants to stay

in this pathetic little room?

- Of course.
- Boo!

Wherever Mr. Horton goes,
he always stays in room 555.

It's his lucky number.

Now...
I suggest that you
minimum-wage earners

get back to work

before you don't have work
to get back to.

Move it!

See the difference, Mitch?

Now we have a problem.

[Dudley]
Mr. Burley, I told you.

Tippi Brewster, our lovely
reservations manager,

is trying to get a hold
of your girlfriend.

Quit being such a baby.

If I jumped every time
a woman turned me down,

I'd be a kangaroo by now.

Oh, Shirley didn't
turn me down.

No, no, she's willing
to live with me,

she just won't marry me.

You know, sometimes I think
Shirley is basically immoral?

Maybe not.
Maybe she just doesn't
want her name

to be Shirley Burley.
I wouldn't.

[sarcastic]
Oh, good point, Dudley.

I don't care.
If you ever want me
off this ledge,

get Shirley over here.

This good news is,
it can't get any worse
than this.

The bad news is,
it just did.

Excuse me.

Excuse me,
which floor am I on?

You're not on a floor,
you're on a window!
What are you doing?

What's it look like
I'm doing?
I'm climbing this building.

Beat it, buster.
You're on my ledge.

- What's he doing?
- He's threatening to jump.

What a loser.
At least I'm on my way up.

What is this, a conspiracy?
You want us to lose our jobs?

No, I'm a human fly.

I'm not getting off
this building until
I reach the top.

And I'm not leaving until
Shirley agrees to marry me.

Who's Shirley?

She's the girl that wants
to live with me.

Out here?
That's my kind of woman.

My career is dead.

Wait... Wait...

Wait!
I have a plan!

You stay here, and keep
Mr. Higler out.

What are you going to do?

Geez, Mitch, I don't know.

I can only handle
one plan at a time.

Whoa.

Tippi, did you reach
Leonard Burley's
girlfriend yet?

Oh no, there's still
no answer.
What's the problem?

She wants to live with him,
but she doesn't want
to marry him.

Oh no, the poor boy.

Would you believe it,
some men have made

that same disgusting offer
to me.

- The swine!
- I ought to march right
up there,

and tell Mr. Burley I know
exactly how he feels!

Yeah...

Yeah, Tippi, you should.
You know...

It could save the man's life.
- Really?

All right, I will.

Go, Tippi, go!

Hey, how're you doing,
listen...

Uh, I don't like to complain,

but your lovely chateau
is actually a boathouse,

and it's full of live fish.

And one more thing.
You told me it had
a bathroom.

Maybe I was mistaken,
and you said, "bass room."

Look, look, my chateau may not
be much in the daytime,

but at nighttime,
it's a swingin' palace, man!

There are wild parties,
and beautiful women,

as a matter of fact,
there's so many beautiful women,

that Mitch and I can't
handle them all.

Really?
Oh.

In that case, I think
I'd better stay.

It's amazing how much
you look like Buddy.

Really?
We didn't look at all alike
fifteen years ago.

We were much younger
and shorter.

Uh-huh.
You're definitely
Buddy's cousin.

- Hey Mitch.
- Dudley!

Tippi is upstairs
talking to Leonard.

I know.
I sent her up there
to distract Mr. Burley

while I sneak up behind him
and push him into the room.

That won't help.
What about the human fly?

We're still stuck
with that human fly.

Mr. Higler is sure
to see him.

You have to think
positively, Mitch.

Mr. Higler will not see
the human fly.

He will see the human fly.

He will not see the human fly,
I guarantee it!

Some maniac is climbing up
the side of the building.

I'm calling the police.

Um, that's not a maniac, sir.
That's a human fly.

Then I'll call
the S.W.A.T. Team.

Wait a minute.

Krantz, are you trying
to tell me

you knew about this all along,
and you didn't tell me?

h*-h*-h*-h*,
you are in deep
swamp water, mister.

I know, sir, and I would
have called the police,

but I didn't think you'd want
all of that publicity.

Publicity?
We can't have any publicity.

You've got to think
of something else.

I warn you,

if all is not peaceful
when Mr. Horton arrives today,

the two of you will be
sailing to California

in the two o'clock shark.

Both of you.

Tell me something,
this Henry Horton,
hotel owner,

what...what kind
of a guy is he?

Oh, I've never met him,
but I hear

he's a real egomaniac.

Wait... Wait...

Wait, I have a plan!

Hello, Operator?
Get me the television station,
this is an emergency!

- What are you doing?
- Hello?

This is an anonymous
human fly.

[high tremulous voice]
Help me!

[normal voice]
In honor of Henry Horton's
daring sense of adventure,

I'm climbing the side
of the Coconut Beach Hotel

right now!

Okay, you stay here,

while I go out
on the fifth floor ledge
and grapple with Mr. Burley.

With good luck, I'll be down
in about five minutes.

And with bad luck, you'll be
down in about three seconds.

[Dudley screams]

No, no, oh no, I'm fine...

Lucky for me,
your cement balcony
broke my fall.

Thank you.
- What happened?

Leonard Burley is gone.

Gone?

You...you mean he jumped?

Well, if he did,
he took Tippi with him.
The room is empty.

Hi guys.
I'm off duty now.

Instead of jumping,
Leonard is taking me to dinner.

Yeah, it's amazing how much
we have in common.

Tippi is a nice,
old-fashioned girl.

She'd rather die
than live with me.

All the time.

- Let's go, Tippi.
- Yeah.

Thanks for the use
of the ledge, guys.

Attention!
That fly person is still
climbing the building,

and now there's
a TV crew filming it.

Do you know
what's going to happen

when Henry Horton
hears about this?

[phone rings]
Get that!

Front desk.
Dudley Krantz speaking.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, he's right here.

It's for you.
It's Henry Horton.

[mouths words]

You guys are turtle food.

Mr. Horton?
[laughs]

Yes, Karl Higler here.

You are?
Oh...

He's at the airport.

He's in the bar.

He's watching TV.

He sees the human fly.

Yes sir, yes!
But there's a reason
for that, sir.

The announcer said the man
was climbing the building

as a tribute to you?

Oh, you love the idea?

Ha ha!
Well, I knew you would.

Yes, sir.
Well, it was the least
I could do.

No, no, no, sir,
don't thank me.

It's just my way
of saying,

"Welcome to my hotel...
to 'our' hotel...
to 'your' hotel," sir.

Yes, thank you.
Goodbye.

[sighs]

I think you handled that
quite well, Mr. Higler.

Don't suck up.

Now listen...

You seem to be a couple
of bright young men.

How would you like
to manage a hotel some day?

- I...I'd like that a lot,
Mr. Higler.
- So would I, sir.

I thought so.
You're after my job.

Well, get it out
of your empty little heads.

I'm going to be
watching you like a hawk.

[chuckles]

Both of you.

I don't know
how you did it, Dudley,

but somehow, you kept us
from getting fired.

Hey I did, didn't I?
I am good at something.

- I'm good at surviving.
- Yeah.

Ah, good.

Uh, guys, we have a little bit
of a problem here.

Uh, this young lady
needs a room.

- Guys!
- Oh, sorry ma'am,

I'd like to give you
the best room in the house,

but we're all booked up.

Oh darn, every hotel room
on the island is sold out.

Looks like my girlfriends and I
are just going to have
to sleep on the ground.

Well, not necessarily,
not necessarily, now...

We have a lovely chateau
that overlooks the ocean,

and we'd be more than happy
to share it with you.

No strings attached, of course.

But, there are three of us.

What a coincidence!

There are three of us!

That makes six.

Just enough for a good game
of volleyball.

Oh great, thanks, you guys!
I'll go get my friends.

I'd love to help her
with her bag.
Excuse me.

- I love this job!
- So do I!

Excuse me, Mr. Krantz?

Have you ever had tigers
in Hawaii?

- I don't think so.
- There's one running around
loose in the dining room!

[both scream]

- Ta-da!
- Hey, hi!
- [all] Charles, hi!

Sweetheart, hi!
How was Hawaii?
Did you have a good time?

Oh, it was great, Mom.
I had a real blast.

I thought you
went there to work.

He did, but his friend
Lembeck messed him up.

How did Buddy
mess you up, Charles?

He didn't tell me that
he gave the job
to his cousin, Dudley.

Oh, you have a telegram
from Buddy.

Oh, really?

"Charles, don't worry about
job in Hawaii.

Cousin Dudley took it."

Oh, well, I guess
he did tell me

about his cousin Dudley.
When'd this get here?

Oh, about ten minutes ago.

But he delivered it himself.
He's waiting in the kitchen.

Excuse me.

Oh, Buddy...

He-e-e-ere's Charlie!

[Buddy]
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

Hey, Adam, what
are you up to?

I was just looking at
these pictures of Hawaii
in the magazine.

You said you had
a real blast over there.
What'd you like about it?

About Hawaii?
Oh...

I'll tell you.

The air in Hawaii

is as soft
as a gentle spring rain.

In the daytime,

you feel like you're floating

on a cloud somewhere between

Heaven and the bluest ocean
you've ever seen in your life.

At night...

At night,
the warm tropical breeze
just drifts into your room,

and it tells you stories
that are scented with

jasmine, and hibiscus,
and orchids.

So Adam, my young friend,

Hawaii...

is everything that's good
about nature,
you know what I mean?

Yeah.

You mean, you met some
pretty hot babes
over there, right?

You got it.

[theme music ♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪