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01x11 - Afraid of the Dark

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Uncle Grandpa". Aired: September 2, 2013 – June 30, 2017.*
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Uncle Grandpa is a magical shapeshifting person that stops by children's houses every day to see how they are doing.

01x11 - Afraid of the Dark

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning!

Good morning.

Good morning.

Grft: [ roars ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning.

Good morning!

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

[ Crickets chirping ]

It's so scary mom.

Now, susie, we've talked

About this.

I'll be right in the other room.

I know, it's just -- it's

Just that, I'm so afraid of the

Dark.
Just hang in there, kiddo.

Just...hang in there?

Yeah, you know, just hang in

There.

[ Door creaks, closes ]

Just hang in there.

Just hang in there.

Just hang in there.

Just hang --

[ Door opens ]

Go to bed!

[ Light switch clicks ]

Please.
[ Sighs ]

There goes the electric bill.

[ Tires screech ]

[ Crash ]
[ screams ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning!

Knock, knock.

Mom?

Uncle grandpa: you say,

"Who's there?"

Who's there?

Uncle grandpa #2: uncle!

Mommy!

Uncle grandpa: "uncle, who?"

[ Sighs ]

"Uncle, who?"

Uncle grandpa #2: uncle

Grandpa -- that's who!

[ Laughing ]

That's pretty much my best

Knee-slapper.

Uncle grandpa: I thought it

Was funny.

Uncle grandpa #2: listen, I

Just heard you talking to your

Mom through these really thin

Walls about how you're afraid of

The dark, and I just wanted to

Come in and help.

Oh, right, I've already come in.

Hey, uncle grandpa, why don't

You go help yourself to

Whatever's in the fridge so I

Can talk to this girl about her

Fear of the dark.

Uncle grandpa: sure thing,

Uncle grandpa.

Uncle grandpa #2: so, you

Want to know a secret?

When I was a little girl about

Your age, I was afraid of the

Dark too.

Really?

Uncle grandpa #2: sure.

All those wiggly spider

Monsters, the giant trolls that

Hide in the closet, the 50-eyed

Slime-eating bog monster, and

Especially the dark beasts that

Hide under the bed.

Wow.

How'd you get over your fear?

Uncle grandpa #2: I didn't!

But as a wise man once told

Me...

Pizza steve: man, bologna

Sandwiches are delicious.

Uncle grandpa #2: there's

Nothing to be afraid of in the

Dark, but our own imaginations.

So let's start by turning off

The lights, and I'll prove to

You that there's nothing to be

Scared of.

[ Growling ]

[ Both gasp ]

[ Neighs loudly ]

[ Roars ]

I thought you said there was

Nothing to be scared of but

Our imaginations!

Uncle grandpa #2: I did, but

I didn't know our imaginations

Were so terrifying.

[ Zip! ]

Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!

I'm scared!

What do you usually do when

You're
scared of the dark?

I scream for my mom, and she

Comes and turns on the lights.

Uncle grandpa #2: mo-o-o-m!

Both: mo-o-o-m!

[ Music and applause on tv ]

Well, that didn't work.

Uncle grandpa #2: maybe we

Should try screaming for my

Friends, mr. Gus and

Pizza steve.

You're friends with a slice

Of pizza?
Uncle grandpa #2: I don't

Discriminate.

Mr. Gu-u-u-s!

Pizza ste-e-ve!

[ Music and applause on tv ]
uncle grandpa #2: pizza

Steve!

Mr. Gus!

I guess they can't hear us.

Maybe we can turn the lights on

Ourselves.

Where's that darn switch?

It's right over there!

[ Creatures growling ]

Uncle grandpa #2: we've got

To get all the way over there?

Ugh. I hate my imagination!

Uncle grandpa #2: I hate my

Imagination, too.

But it's all right.

We can do this with teamwork.

I'm going to need to borrow this

For a sizzlin' second.

[ Adventurous music plays ]

Geronimo!

Now your turn!

It's a good thing I'm not afraid

Of heights.

Otherwise, I'd reallybe in

Trouble.

[ Zing! ]

Huh?

Okay, I'm afraid of heights now.

[ Roars ]

Aah!

Uncle grandpa #2: aah!

[ Snip! ]

Ugh!

Ugh!

[ Sighs ]

Huh?!

[ Splat! ]

[ Panting ]

[ Growls ]

[ Whimpering ]

Uncle grandpa #2: yoo-hoo!

Mr. Scary desk lamp!

Got you a little treat!

Uncle grandpa: quick!
I have him distracted with a

Treat.

Oh, look! A treat!

[ Growls ]

Uncle grandpa: [ gulps ]

[ Sniffing ]

[ Roars ]

[ Growls ]

Are we lost, uncle grandpa?

Uncle grandpa: probably.

But the only way we can be

Sure is by asking my close

Friend and personal confidant

Belly bag.

You talk to your belly bag?

Uncle grandpa: yeah.

We're super tight.

Hey, belly bag, we're in a bit

Of a jam.

Can you give us any direction?

Belly bag: you got it,

Uncle g.!

Here's a map!

Uncle grandpa: you're the

Greatest, belly bag.

Maps are cool.

Uncle grandpa, that's just a

Photo of a knight fighting a

Motorcycle.

Uncle grandpa: maybe to the

Untrained eye.

You got to learn to read maps

More carefully.

[ Video-game music plays ]

All right!

If we're gonna turn that light

Switch on, we got to get past

Your desk, which is, like,

Super hard unless you know how

To use one of these...

Which I don't.

Hyah!

All aboard the uncle grandpa

Express!

Oh!

Get ready...

Cause I don't know what I'm

Doing!

Whoa! Aah!

Uncle grandpa: choo-choo!

[ Growls ]
uncle grandpa: that's

Terrifying.

I think my heart just stopped.

Okay, you're squeezing my stache

A little too tight.

[ Growls ]
uncle grandpa: oh, man.

I'm never reading another book

Again.

Same here.

Uncle grandpa: you said it.

[ Roars ]

Oh, no!

Beary nice!

Uncle grandpa: more like

Scarynice.

Am I right? Huh?

[ Roaring ]

Uncle grandpa: did I forget

To mention that I have a fear of

Teddy bears, too?
Uncle grandpa, look out!

[ Whoosh! ]

Uncle grandpa: [ grunts ]
belly bag, suck in your gut!

Belly bag: oh, right!

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Pop! ]

Beary nice only wants to play

A game with you.

Uncle grandpa: whoa!

Did you hear that?

He just wants to play a game.

I think I have just the right

One.
Here we go.

Uncle grandpa's money madness

Spectacular!

Oh!

Uncle grandpa: we better move

Fast.
That game is missing a lot of

Pieces.

Wow!

A computer?!

Are you a scientist

Super genius?

No. I mostly use it to watch

Cute cat videos online.

Uncle grandpa: what does this

Do?

[ Click ]

[ Screeches ]

Uncle grandpa: aaah!

[ Splash ]

We're sinking!

Uncle grandpa: we got to find

Something to jump onto!

Okay, uncle grandpa, you

Don't have to yell.

Uncle grandpa: oh, sorry.
I was standing on "caps lock."

We got to think fast!

[ Swish! ]

Uncle grandpa: uh...

[ Growls ]

Uncle grandpa: too scary.

[ Neighs loudly ]

Uncle grandpa: too rabid.

Maybe later.

Uncle grandpa, the bed!

[ Pop! ]

[ Engine turns over ]

Uncle grandpa: you're in

Luck.
I have room for one more.

[ Bubble! ]

[ Majestic music plays ]

Life is pain.

[ Wind whistling ]

[ Crack! ]

Uncle grandpa, how much

Longer till we get to the

Light switch?

Uncle grandpa: I think we're

Almost there.

Let me check my map.

[ Gasps ]

Uncle grandpa, you're stuck in

Quilt-sand!

Uncle grandpa: o-m-g! O-m-g!

Oh, quilt-sand.

I just got that.

Belly bag: [ gurgling ] aaah!

Oh, no, what do I do?!

Oh, hey! Pterodactyl fan!

Over here!

[ Screeches ]

Uncle grandpa: wait, what's

The plan, exactly?

[ Screeching ]

Come on, uncle grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: I'm a

Dinosaur!

I'm losing control!

[ Both screaming ]

Uncle grandpa: ugh!

[ Sighs ]
uncle grandpa: oh, look, the

Light switch!

See? That wasn't so tough.

Now, to just reach over and

Switch on the light.

[ Roars ]

[ Both scream ]

It's no use, uncle grandpa.

Everything's a monster!

Uncle grandpa: well, if we're

Scared of them, then we got to

Make them scared of us.

But they're super-scary

Monsters!

Uncle grandpa: well, we just

Have to become even scarier

Monsters.
Yes!

By using our imaginations!

Uncle grandpa: that's right!

[ Grunting ]

Okay, now your turn.

[ Chuckles weakly ]

[ Grunting ]

Uncle grandpa: yikes, that is

Scary!

I think I need to use the

Little grandpa's room.

But are we scary enough?

Uncle grandpa: let's find

Out.

Boo!

Boo!

It's working!

Uncle grandpa: boo!

[ Pop! ]

Aaaah!

Both: boo!

Aaah!

[ Bubble! ]

Both: boo!

[ expl*si*n ]

[ Chattering teeth ]
both: boo!

[ Screeches ]

Both: boo!

[ Whoosh! ]

Uncle grandpa: yay!

We did it! We did it! Yay!

After going through all that,

I'm not scared of the dark ormy

Imagination anymore.

Thanks, uncle grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: no.

"Thanks, uncle grandpa" to you!

You helped me get over my own

Fear of the dark.

And we owe it all to teamwork!

Don't go flashing this in the

Wrong neighborhood.

Honey?

Is everything okay?

What the...

Hi, mom!

I'm not afraid of the dark

Anymore!

[ Nervously ] I see.

And how did you do it?

By doing this.

[ Grunting ]

Ugh!

[ Thud ]

[ Music and applause on tv ]

Together: hey, uncle grandpa.

Uncle grandpa: good morning!

[ Pop! ]

Uncle grandpas: double dutch,

Double dutch, it's so fun.

Double dutch, double dutch,

Everyone!

[ Whoosh! ]

Uncle grandpa: whowants a

Piggyback ride?

Pizza steve: pizza steve

Does!
[ Grunts ]

Mr. Gus: me too!

[ Grunts ]

Grft: [ roars ]

[ Crack, thud ]

That was quite delicious.