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01x39 - Prison Break

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Uncle Grandpa". Aired: September 2, 2013 – June 30, 2017.*
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Uncle Grandpa is a magical shapeshifting person that stops by children's houses every day to see how they are doing.

01x39 - Prison Break

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Up-tempo music playing ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning!

Good morning.

Good morning.

Grft: [ roars ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning.

Good morning!

Mr. Gus: [ laughing ]

[ Both laugh ]

[ Telephone ringing ]

Pizza steve: okay, get ready!

Yes, hello.

This is the president of the

United states of america.

Now!

I'm just making my rounds,

Calling every citizen in the

Country just to say hi and see

How everything's going.

Mr. Gus: [ high-pitched

Voice ] o-m-g!

Mr. President, help!

Pizza steve: oh, no!

The white house is surrounded by

Ufos!

Mr. Gus: [ warbling ]

Pizza steve: we're being

Attacked!

Help!

The white house is under attack

By space aliens!

Aah!

[ Clanging ]

Oh, no, they're breaking down

The doors!

And now they're sh**ting lasers

At us!
[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Pizza steve: I said they're

sh**ting
lasersat us!

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Pizza steve: improvise!

It's cataclysmic!

Everything's on fire!

Aaaaah!

[ Rubber duck squeaks ]

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Pizza steve: actually, we're

All dead now.

Thanks. Bye.

Oh, way to go, hotshot.

You ruined a perfectly good

Prank call.

Mr. Gus: how was I supposed

To know you were gonna say

"Laser g*ns."

I stuck to the script you gave

Me, which, by the way, is

Structurally flawed.

Pizza steve: it's a prank

Call!

They're not supposed to make

Sense!

They're supposed to be funny!

For once, I thought you and I

Could work together as a team,

But I guess I was wrong, which

Is rare 'cause I'm neverwrong.

Uncle grandpa: prank calling,

Eh?

I was quite the prank-calling

Scoundrel back in my day.

They used to call me

"Uncle prank call."

Even won the best pranky award

For convincing this woman her

Cat was on fire.

Anyway, have fun, but keep it

Clean.

Oh, and make sure you don't use

My intergalactic telephone for

Any prank calls.

Otherwise, you'll be asking for

A loof trouble!

Okay, bye.

[ Sloop! ]

[ Beeping ]

Mr. Gus: you got to be

Kidding me!

Freeze!

You're under arrest for calling

On an intergalactic phone!

Mr. Gus: oops.

Pizza steve: uh, oops.

Next!

Let's see here.

[ Munching ]

What?!

Prank calling on an

Intergalactic phone?!

[ All gasp ]

[ All murmuring ]

You monsters!

You humans are all the same

With your scaly, green skin and

Your greasy cheese exteriors.

I sentence you both to 5,000

Quandrons in a maximum-security,

Intergalactic prison!

Take them away!

[ Spectators shouting ]

Mr. Gus: [ sputtering ]

Pizza steve: I want my mommy!

Mr. Gus: please!

Both: unh!

Pizza steve: you can't do

This to me!

I'm pizza stee-e-e-e-e-e-e-ve!

Real smooth, mister, real

Smooth.

Mr. Gus: don't you try to

Blame this on me!

Pizza steve: well, you're the

One who gussed upthe prank.

If you did it right, we would've

Gotten away with it greasy

Clean!

Mr. Gus: I can't believe I'm

Stuck in here with you all

Because of one stupid phone

Call!

Pizza steve: good point,

Mr. Gus.

Hey, guard, I want my one free

Phone call!

All right, but make it

Snappy, you sick human scum!

[ Telephone ringing ]

Uncle grandpa: thank you for

Calling uncle grandpa.

Uncle grandpa speaking.

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

Uncle grandpa: mr. President,

You finally returned my call!

Pizza steve: uncle grandpa,

As the president, I am asking

For your help.

Space aliens are --

Mr. Gus: what do you think

You're doing?!

Pizza steve: shh!

So, yes, uncle grandpa --

Mr. Gus: are you trying to

Prank call uncle grandpa?!

Pizza steve: I totally have

Him going!

Mr. Gus: gimme that!

Uncle grandpa, it's gus.

We're in an intergalactic --

Pizza steve: the president!

It's the president!

We need your help!

Uncle grandpa: hey, wait a

Second!

I know a prank call when I hear

One!

Nice try, hotshot!

[ Grunts ]

You can't out-prank call,

Uncle prank call.

That's right -- 10-time world

Champion.

And don't you forget it.

[ Tink! ]

Mr. Gus: are you crazy?!

What were you thinking?!

Pizza steve: chill, mr. Gus.

I have the perfect plan.

Saw it in a movie once.

Mr. Gus: [ grunts ]

What movie did you see this from

Again?

Pizza steve: "ferngully."

Mr. Gus: that's not a

Prison-break movie!

[ Clang ]

Huh?

[ Both screaming ]

Both: ohh!

[ Both inhale deeply ]

[ Both shouting ]

Hey, guys, check out

Slorpgorp's new prison uniform!

[ Indistinct talking ]

Yeah, guys, it fits great!

Mine's a little small, but,

Oh, that's how I like it.

Pizza steve: [ gasps ]

Mr. Gus: of all the stupid

Plans!

That's it!

We're doing it myway!

Pizza steve: so, this is

Supposed to be a better plan?

Mr. Gus: just keep your pizza

Pie hole shut and let me take

Care of this.

Good night, sebastian.

Good night.

Hey, where do you think you're

Going?!

It's scum like you that think

They can get away with this!

It's yourturn to brush the

Guard dog's teeth!

[ Swoosh! ]

Now hop to it!

Hey, you!

Yeah, you!

Where do you think you're

Going?!

It's scum like you that think

They can get away with this!

It's your turn to go in my

Mouth.

[ Crunches ]

[ Dog whimpering ]

Mr. Gus: hmm, this shouldn't

Take long.

[ Dog roars ]

Pizza steve: is this part of

The plan?

[ Indistinct talking ]

[ Both munching ]

Mr. Gus: [ gulps ]

Listen, if we're ever gonna get

Out of here, we got to work as a

team.

Pizza steve: I don't know,

Man.

I've been making a lot of

Friends.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Mr. Gus: I think we can

Actually escape if we work

together.

Pizza steve: [ gulps ]

I don't know if I'm convinced

Yet.

All: hey, humans!

Pizza steve: well, mr. Gus,

I've been giving it a lot of

Thought.

I think we can actually escape

If we work together.

Mr. Gus: good choice.

[ Plop! ]

Pizza steve: okay, now, how

Do we fly this thing?

Mr. Gus: just need to find

The ignition button.

Pizza steve: maybe this

Button.
This is prison air control

Sector five.

You have not been cleared for

Immediate takeoff.

Mr. Gus: [ sighs ]

Oh, well, we tried.

Pizza steve: wait, mr. Gus,

Follow my lead.

Hello!

This is the president of the

United space of the universe!

I am clear for takeoff because I

Have a-a, uh, uhhhhh...

A babon board who, uh...

[ Whoopee cushion farts ]

A baby who needs his diaper

Changed at the nearest

Baby-changing station!

Mr. Gus: wah! Wah!

Pizza steve: he went poopy.

Oh!

Uh, mr. President, I didn't even

Know you were on the premises.

Uh, you're clear for takeoff,

Alpha tango.

Pizza steve: good work,

Soldier.

You can expect a top-level

Promotion in your very near

Future.

Oh, really? Well, hot dog!

Thank you, mr. President!

Pizza steve: what?

He can use a promotion.

Both: we did it!

Great work back there.

Pizza steve: and nice

Improvising, too!

Didn't think you had it in you.

Uncle grandpa: oh, yeah, son!

Landed a lunar.

Oh, no! Alien invasion!

Pizza steve: hyah!

[ Grunts ]

Mr. Gus: hi, uncle grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: weird!

Aliens look just like humans!

Mr. Gus: uncle grandpa, it's

us!

We're back after a crazy

Adventure across the galaxy.

Pizza steve: we learned a lot

About each other, developed our

Character arcs, and overcame

Challenging obstacles all within

The allotted amount of time.

Uncle grandpa: aw, man!

I wish this episode was about

me.

Mr. Gus: and now pizza steve

And I totally get along.

Uncle grandpa: wonderful!

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Really?

Pizza steve, it's for you!

Pizza steve: hello?

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Pizza steve: mr. President?!

Wow I'm a huge fan!

Mr. Gus: hey, let me talk to

Him!

Pizza steve: yeah, so, I have

A few suggestions about the

Country.

Mr. Gus: let me talk to him,

Let me talk to him, let me talk

To him!
Come on, hand it over!

Pizza steve: more pizza

Served in classrooms.

Mr. Gus: I got suggestions,

Too!

Uncle grandpa: I still got

It!

[ Ting! ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Air deflates, sloop! ]

♪ There's a rainbow in my tummy,

And I got to get it out ♪

♪ Got to get it out

♪ There's a rainbow in my

Huh?!

[ Beeping ]

Great!

That dumb light's on again.

Belly bag: that's the r.v.

Check-up light, uncle grandpa.

It means something's wrong with

The r.v.!

[ Sloop! ]

Uncle grandpa: well, you

Know what they say.

You better check yourself...

Before you riggidy wreck

Yourself.

[ Smooch! ]

Belly bag: uh, o-okay.

[ Monkey clanging ]

Uncle grandpa: well, the

Engine works.

Pizza flag works.

Spare tire works.

Toothbrush works.

This stupid thing works.

[ video-game sounds playing ]

Diapers work.

Whatever this room is works.

[ Pop! Air hisses ]

Tire pressure works!

[ Sloop! ]

[ Squirt! Pop! ]

Tube works!

Sword works.

Froyo machine works.

[ Slurps, giggles ]

[ Zap! ]

[ Sizzle! ]

High beams work.

Pizza steve: mwah!

Ooh, you're handsome.

Uncle grandpa: periscope

Works.

[ Gurgles ]

Froyo machine still works.

Disco ball works.

[ Down-tempo music playing ]

[ Werewolf roars ]

Belly bag: [ screaming ]

Uncle grandpa: werewolf

Works!

Car horn works.

[ Bull snorts ]

Tanning bed works.

Grft: [ roars ]

[ Warbling ]

Transmission works.

Belly bag: uncle grandpa!

[ Pop! ]

Uncle grandpa: toilet works!

Belly bag: uncle grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: water slide

Works.

Belly bag: uncle grandpa,

Uncle grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: what's wrong

With the rv?!

What's wrong with the rv?!

Belly bag: uncle grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: belly bag,

Can't you see I'm busy freaking

Out?!
Belly bag: but,

Uncle grandpa, the problem's

Right there!

[ Swoosh! ]

Uncle grandpa: a record from

My record collection was out of

Place?!

How did thatget past my

Crippling neat freakiness?

Oh, what a classic!

Haven't listened to this bad boy

In years.

Back you go!

Yay!
The check light stopped

Blinking!

But, belly bag, if you knew what

Was wrong with the r.v. This

Whole time, why didn't you say

Anything?

Belly bag: I'm sorry,

Uncle grandpa.

Ever since I got mauled by that

Werewolf, I haven't been feeling

Myself.

Uncle grandpa: well, I know

What'll get you back on track --

Some delicious froyo!

Follow me, little buddy!

[ Swoosh! ]

Belly bag: [ laughing

Evilly ]