03x07 - The Ex-Games

[bunniefuu]

-[all screaming]
-[thuds]

Is everyone all right?

Where's Jimmy?

[gasps, sighs]

Oh, man,
this is gonna get everywhere.

Hey, uh...

What are you wearing?

[exclaims] Wait,
what am I wearing?

[announcer]
Well met, champions.

Let the contest begin.

-Contest?
-What was that?

[slurping]

How are my favorite mortals?

Mxy, what's going on?

Oh! [snaps]

I'm getting divorced.

[all] What?

Mxy? why are we here?

[chuckles] You're cute
when you're anxious.

Glitzy!

You called, my former darling?

This is Ms. Gsptlsnz.

You can call me Glitzy.

My soon to be ex-wife.

Charmed.

-That answered nothing.
-You have a wife?

Ex-wife. Keep up!

Glitzy and I
are untying the knot,

but instead of all that
courtroom business,

-our people settle things...
-With a contest?

Yes, Super-brain, a contest,
tournament, games, whatever.

Glitzy and I have each
recruited a team of players.

You're my team.

Gullible Superman,
Jimmy Lamebird,

Question Mark Kara,
and Fun Lois.

The teams compete
in a series of challenges.

Each challenge cleared
gets you A, a key

and B, entry to the next ring.

Whoever's team
collects the most keys

and gets
to the center ring fastest

determines whether Glitzy or I

get the house, speedboat,
Galaxy, etcetera!

What if we do not
wish to be pawns?

Right?

[laughs hysterically]

Almost forgot.

Lose and you will never see
your precious universe again.

Sorry. Anything else?

-So we'd be trapped here?
-Forever.

Do you think you will
get away with this?

If we're your team,
then who's Glitzy team?

[Mxyzptlk] Yes. Yes. Ooh, yes.

And don't worry about it.

We have Superman.

We... We don't have Superman.

What was that?

I lost my powers.

You... lost... your...

powers?

[groans] Before my divorce.

I needed Superman.

Clark Kent is useless to me.

[laughs] Embarrassing.

Anyway, it's my great pleasure
to introduce team Glitzy.

[upbeat rock music playing]

First up, General Lane.

Oh, no.

[Gzptlsnz] That is,
General Lois Lane.

Oh, no.

[Gzptlsnz] Good Lex Luthor...

Scion Kara from the House of El.

And Flamebird Jimmy.

Oh, that's just me.

Flamebird. [grunts]

[amusing music playing]

Nope. A way cooler me.

Hey. Hi, excuse me.

I was swindled.

I chose Superman, instead I got
a bumbling, useless,

nearsighted reporter!

Okay, man...

The playing field
must be leveled.

How about no flying allowed?

No. Buyer beware, your fault.

Ruling, please.

[announcer]
The champions shall not fly.

-Ugh.
-[grunts]

Eat that, love of my life.

[Clark] What's happening?

[Gzptlsnz]
Mxy, I will crush him.

When the big boy says,
"Go," cross the bridge,

get the key,
do it faster than them...

and watch your step.

[announcer] Let the first
challenge commence.

[all panting]

[grunts]

[groans]

[scoffs]

Can you believe the way Glitzy

is trying to get under my skin,
pitting me against her?

It's not like that could
ever be me.

[chuckles nervously] Right?
[exclaims]

[both scream]

Clark!

[grunting]

[exclaims]

[grunting]

-[screaming]
-Run!

[all panting]

[all screaming]

[all groan]

I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough.

-I just...
-Is that...

A key!

[chuckles] I'll take that.

How about a thank you, team?

That would imply you
did a good job.

Hey, we got the key, didn't we?

Just barely. Look at them.

[epic rock music playing]

So? It's a tie.

[screaming] A tie? Pathetic!

You didn't come here to tie.

You came here to win!

Next game.

[all exclaim]

[all groan]

[groans]

You.

Ladies and ladies, may I present

S'ivaan Mountain.

Your mission, should you
choose to accept it...

Ha! I jest...
You don't have rights...

is to climb S'ivaan Mountain.

Whoever gets to the top first

wins this round's
one and only key.

As you ascend,
the mountain will sink

into the Manticore trench.

Anyway, if you're
too slow or slip,

you'll meet the Manticore.

Last team to make it
to the top loses.

This is the boy challenge.

These are portal pieces.

Find them, put them together,
make a portal, leave it.

Whoever does it first wins.

-That's it?
-Yes! Just win.

[Clark groans] Man!

[Lois panting]

The mountain does not feel
like it is sinking.

This is unchallenging.

[panting] Yep,
very unchallenging.

Lois Lane, is it my fate
to become like... that?

Her? [scoffs] I mean,
you were like that.

Look, I've met
a whole league of Lois-es.

These other selves mean nothing.

Oh, now it is sinking.

Go, go, go!

Get to the top.

Only one of us needs to win.

[panting, groans]

Are you crazy?

[screams]

Do you think
our Lois-es are okay?

[scoffs, groans] Whoa!

[suspenseful music playing]

You must be cautious,
Other Kara.

[creature growling]

Okay, let's move.

Shouldn't we hide out somewhere?

I'm finding a way out.

We can barely see.
We don't know the area

and there's a beast
trying to hunt us.

Lanes are doers,
not complainers.

I'm not complaining.

But maybe we
should wait where we fell in.

What if our Karas need us?

If they join us, they failed.

They can handle
the consequences.

Wow, we are so different.

Hmm, let me guess, Mom died,
Dad was distant.

All you wanted was
work, work, work.

But instead you find
the "super man" of your dreams,

learn the meaning of friendship
and have a real swell time.

That was me too.

But then Clark lost his powers
and... And then his life.

So go ahead and judge me,

but the line between us isn't
as thick as you think it is.

[growling]

Ahhh!

-[dramatic music playing]
-[growling]

[music speeds up]

[grunting]

Ahhh!

Why?

No!

Kara!

You cheated.

No, I won.

You had the chance
to do the same,

and you wanted to.

Do not lie to yourself, Kara.

This is who we are.

A-ha!

Check it out, Clark...
and others.

One more down, one more to...

-Hey!
-It's ours.

It's clearly orange.

[stuttering] It's hard to tell.

Anyone could have
made that mistake.

I wonder how many of our pieces
you may have stolen by mistake.

-Look, I don't think...
-Are you saying I'm lying?

I'm suggesting
there may be foul play, yes.

[Other Jimmy] Hey, let's not...

You'd only think like that
if you were doing it yourself.

Okay, Lex,
it was an honest mistake,

but to make everyone
feel better,

why don't I look for pieces
with you.

And Jimmy, you can go with...
Jimmy.

So we can all be sure
everyone's playing fair. Deal?

-Very well.
-Fine.

All right, Jimmy, time.
Let's go.

[Jimmy] Just be cool, man.

So, your world seems like a...
interesting place. [chuckles]

How'd you all end up together?

No more Superman.

This one's yours.

What? Oh, uh, thank you.

What happened to Superman
in your world?

Mistakes were made.

I made a mistake.

And with Superman gone,
we didn't stand a chance

when the hunger dogs came.

Everything changed
for the worse.

And we did what we had to.

Are you helping or what?

Right, right.

Okay, that suit is awesome.

I know, right?

Kara and Lois can be
so negative sometimes.

But, hey, if the hunger
dogs hadn't invaded,

I wouldn't have this sick suit.

-Uh, the what invaded?
-Always silver lining,

sick suit.

Lex is good now,
and we're all as close

as we were before Clark died.

Clark died?

-Yep, just three best friends.
-[bones cracking]

We're all doing great.

That doesn't sound great.

Everything is exactly the same.

Well... except...

I'm a superhero now!
Pew, pew. Pew.

-Right. Right.
-Pew, pew, pew, pew.

But aren't you
upset or worried about...

Boo! Boo-hoo!

Working together. Feelings?

[fake laughing] This is boring.

The girls are done already.

Release the Hell Hippos.

[both] The what?

[roaring]

Do you have the last piece?

No, do you?

Looking for this?

Oh. [chuckles] Yeah.
There's only one.

Give it to us.
We're on your team.

Team-shmeam.

It's more fun
watching you scream.

[both groan]

Jimmy, give Lex the piece.

What? No.

Jimmy, I'm not Superman.

I... Give it to him
or you'll all die!

[grunts]

[roaring]

No.

I'm so sorry. Jimmy.

[both scream]

[Lois] Clark.

-Are you guys okay?
-What happened to you?

[both] We almost died.

Yeah, I know. Us, too.

Oh, you're fine. Grow up.

Also, you're losing, losers!

And another one for Glitzy.

Good work.

Do you people
even want a universe?

Mmm, could be worse.

At least he didn't
let the Hell Hippos get us.

Hell Hippos? Wait!

Glitzy also got us away
before the Manticore attacked.

Why are they saving us?

[wind blowing]

Okay, dummies.

This is a maze.

All you gotta do this time

is choose your one true path
and follow it.

And how do we know
which path is right?

Pick the path you like best.

Just don't let
the trail go cold. [laughs]

Okay, bye.

[groans] One day,
I will crush him.

Humanely.

[exclaims]

-Ahhh!
-[Clark] Ahhh!

[panting]

Clark!

Lois!

[grunting]

[sighs]

Lois.

What?

I used to be Superman.

Who am I now?

Are you still my path?

Great, more Lois-es?

Nope.

Nah.

No.

Not seeing any
"one true paths" in here.

[amusing music playing]

I remember this.

[music intensifies]

No.

No, it can't.

No.

This can't be real.

This... can't... be...

[music intensifies, stops]

[Jimmy] I, uh,
talked to Flamebird Jimmy.

He's pretending
that everything's okay,

that it'll all work out

when it's falling apart
in front of him.

Perhaps that is our only path.

No, look, I haven't been
a good friend, Kara.

I haven't been a good anything.

I still think
you deserve better.

So I am going to be better.

I need to change.

[shatters]

Say that again.

Oh, that I need to change.

And I... I mean it, Kara.

-I know...
-Hush. That is it.

When I saw Scion Kara,

I feared that brainiac
was right about me,

that my one true self
was like him.

But I am not one thing.

We are all creatures of change.

We can become anything.

Jimmy Flamebird,

this game is a trick.

We decide who we are every day.

There is no one true path.

The future is ours to shape.

[shattering]

Wait, what happened?

Anything can happen, Lois Lane.

There is no one true path.

That was the solution all...

-Yea, real moving.
-Hey!

What happened to the other team?

Oh, them. One could say
they missed the mark.

[giggles] Bunch of drips, huh!

[chuckles] Total wash. [gasps]
Wait, wait! I got more.

Not so fast.

There's just one game left.

And Mama's gonna get that house.

[doorbell rings]

[Gzptlsnz] Aw, hamster ba*ls.

Can we keep them?

You always do this.

You get attached, they die,
you're sad.

My empathy makes me likable.

First ball through
the obstacle course wins.

-Ready, set...
-[Lois] Wait!

Things aren't adding up.

She's right, For example,
it hasn't seemed to matter

who wins the keys
as long as they're being won.

Exactly. Like, why did we
both win the first game?

And why do all the keys
go to the same place

no matter who wins them?

And who is that guy?

[thunder rumbling]

Beings of your dimension
couldn't possibly understand...

[groans] No... more... games!

Very well, since you insist.

That structure over there
is the cosmic anvil.

[Gzptlsnz] A device that can
reshape a universe,

the keys unlock its power.

We needed you lovely mortals

to retrieve the keys
because, well...

There's a curse

that prevents certain immortals
from unlocking it.

-Okay? Happy now?
-[Kara] No!

That's why we've been
doing all this?

[whispering indistinctly]

How about some incentive?

The winners get
to reshape their universe

however they want.

Fun Lois, lean in.

You could pick
whatever future you want.

Clark, you could get
your powers back. Mmm, mmm?

You could bring Clark back.

Don't you mean Superman?

No.

Superman losing his powers
was... difficult.

But when we lost Clark,
we lost... everything.

[somber music playing]

Okay, let's play.

Wait, guys, we... We...
We can't just trust Mxy

to deliver on these promises.

Maybe the reward
is worth the risk.

Well, what is the risk?

What happens to the losers?

The losers get turned into
a gift for my beloved wife.

Maybe a Ficus. Huh.

[both] Beloved wife?

[laughs] Okay, you got us.

This is a date, not a divorce.

Just some good old fashioned
role play, to spice things up.

Oh, we do have fun.

-[kissing]
-[all groaning]

So what do you say?

We can't play their game?

Don't listen to team Ficus.

They're just afraid to lose.

Look, I've dealt
with Mxy before,

and if he unlocks that thing,

whatever he's gonna do with it
will not be good.

What do you mean,
"Dealt with him before?"

Uh, what interest would
an immortal have in a reporter?

[chuckles] No offense.

What is, uh...

I... I don't understand.

It... It... It's... you.

Did everyone know this but me?

-Yes, hello.
-Yeah.

[groans]

I regret not listening
to Superman when...

When I had the chance.

I'm not gonna make
the same mistake twice.

[ticking]

Hey, play now or I'll give you
something to regret.

We aren't playing.

Let me get this through
your thick skulls!

Defy me, and I will crush you
like the bugs you are.

Play or die!

Well, then we die.

-Clark, what are you doing?
-Yeah, buddy.

Go ahead, Mxy.

There's nothing
stopping you, right?

[growling]

[announcer] The hour has come
and the contest has no victor.

My seal remains unbroken.

Farewell, champions!

Burn in hell, Mxy.

-Oh, no!
-No!

I do not understand.

Those were hourglasses...

showing how much time
was left in the game.

-And you knew it was game over.
-Game over.

Not bad for a bumbling, useless,

nearsighted reporter, huh, Mxy?

No, my anvil!

[groaning] Why do you people
always ruin it? [crying]

Why, why, why, why?

Ugh. Oh, in front of
the mortals?

I can't watch this. I'm out.

Glitzy, wait!

It was just role play, baby.

Baby, it was just role play.

Hey, you never
answered my question.

Who is that guy?

[thunder rumbling]

A sore loser.

-[all] Whoa!
-[all thud]

Oh, my sweet tailored suit.

[calm music playing]

[breathing heavily]

[chuckles] Uh, hey, there, stranger.

[chuckles] Fancy
meeting you here.

Yeah. I decided to wake up a
little earlier, clear my head.

Same. I knew there was
a reason we were together.

Yeah, I think, uh, I actually
feel better now than before.

Whatever that was.

I think I'm starting
to like Clark Kent.

Maybe he's enough.

Of course he is.

[imperceptible]

But how are you?

I'm... kinda shaken, honestly.

I thought I knew
what our future was gonna be.

But now it feels like
we can't keep up.

Like we keep fighting
against these terrible futures.

They're not terrible, Lois.
They're just...

different.

[dramatic music playing]

[closing theme music playing]