01x15 - I Saw Gina Kissing Santa Claus

[bunniefuu]

♪ Martin ♪

How y'all been? ♪ Martin

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

Hbo independent productions, and fox broadcasting company

[Christmas music plays]

Cole, we've got to find a better place to hang out.

Only thing martin's got in that refrigerator is milk and cheese,

And they both in the same carton.

Shh! Shh! Quiet, man.

Look, rudolph's on.

I'm cute!

I'm cute!

She thinks I'm cute!

Cole, what is the matter with you?

You too old to be watching this.

And you're too young to have a bald head.

h* h* h*

And a bottle of rum!

What's up? What's up?

Uh-huh.

Look, pam.

Mistletoe.

Ahh.

Look, cole.

Garbage.

So, how was christmas shopping?

Fun. Great.

Hated it.

I see you're in a good mood.

Now's as good a time as any to ask a question.

No, tommy, I will not drive your mother to the clinic.

Shut up, man.

No. It's about the big brothers association.

We're having a night with santa claus friday night.

I thought it'd be fun if you played santa.

Ha ha. Think again.

Oh, come on, martin.

Where's your christmas spirit?

I got christmas spirit.

I'm just not into dressing up.

Come on, martin, it'll be fun.

Get blind willie.

He'll do anything for a doughnut.

Blind willie's white.

It's important our kids see a black santa.

Black fathers work all year

To get presents for their kids,

And some white guy gets all the credit.

He's right, martin.

Gina, I have spoken.

Who needs you anyway?

Tommy, we'll help you.

What are you going as, pam, the nutcracker?

Look, I'll do it. I'll be santa.

I'm good with kids.

I used to have a lot of them as friends

When I was younger.

O.k., Cole, you're on.

Just got to get you a costume.

He don't need no costume.

Just get that red jump suit

From when his mother was a firefighter.

Tommy, can I be mrs. Claus?

All right, great.

I could be an elf.

I have the cutest little red outfit.

Martin, look, we're all involved.

Don't you want to be a part of this?

Oh, damn. I can't be there that night.

That's the same night I'm jingling mrs. Claus' bells.

Merry christmas!

Merry christmas!

One for you, and one for you.

Oh, thank you, stan.

Don't open it, martin.

They're probably pink slips.

They're christmas cards, sean.

If I were firing you,

You'd get a letter at home.

You're right. Sorry.

You still live on parker street, right?

Yeah.

This looks just like the card

You gave me last year.

It is the one I gave you last year.

I found that in the garbage.

Waste not, want not.

Thanks, stan.

It's nothing,

Just like your christmas bonus.

What you doing to celebrate this year?

Nothing. I got to work.

Wait, wait, wait. Whoa.

You're making him work on christmas?

He don't care. He's an orphan.

Who's he going to visit?

So, where you going to be?

Me? I'm going down to the soup kitchen as usual.

You amaze me, stan.

Who'd guess you'd be helping people at christmastime?

Oh, I'm not volunteering there.

I go there for the free soup.

Yes, sir,

I just sit right down, loosen my pants,

And fill my belly.

Christmas in a soup kitchen--

Free food and people who have nothing to live for--

Makes me feel like a king.

h* h* h*!

Merry christmas, stan.

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly... ♪♪

♪ Frosty the snowman ♪

♪ Had to hurry on his way ♪

♪ But he waved goodbye ♪

♪ Saying don't you cry ♪

♪ I'll be back again someday ♪♪

Yay! Yay!

Oh, yay, mrs. Claus!

Yay, mrs. Claus!

Wasn't that fun?

No! No!

Where is cole? She is running out of songs.

I'll call him again.

Where's santa, mrs. Claus?

He'll be here really soon.

Yeah, boys and girls,

Santa's just feeding his little reindeer.

How do you know? You're not an elf.

You're just a lady in a dumb suit.

Ha ha ha. How do I know?

'Cause I'm a witch, that's how I know. Now sit down.

Are we ready for another song, everyone?

No! No!no!

We want santa.

Yeah, where is he?

Santa's just running a little late.

Maybe santa got run over by a bus,

And his guts are all splattered on the road. Ew!

Yeah! Yeah!yeah!

No. No. Santa didn't get hit by any bus.

Sit down, child.

Garbage truck?

I don't think so.

Does anybody have a favorite song to sing?

Yes?

Maybe santa has a tumor.

Yeah. Yeah.yeah.

No. No, he doesn't.

A heart attack? No.

My uncle donald wasn't as fat as santa,

And he died of a heart attack.

It could've been a tumor.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

O.k., Mrs. Brown, if you hear anything,

You call me here. O.k., Bye.

Well?

She hasn't seen him since he left for work.

What are we going to do without a santa claus?

We don't even have a santa claus costume.

Yo, tommy, gina ready?

I need you, man. I need you badly.

Yo, man, I ain't like that, man.

Cole didn't show up. We need a santa claus.

I ain't doing it. Tommy, you do it.

I can't. They know me.

We need your help.

Martin, please!

No.

Where's my baby gina?

In there.

♪ Jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle bells ♪

Boo! Boo!boo!

Yo, give me a costume.

I don't have a costume.

Give me your sweater.

I can give you my tights.

Yeah, you do that.

[Gina] help me! Help me!

I'm coming, girl!

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

I know I don't see-- hey! Hey! Hey!

Oh, mrs. Claus...

It's o.k.

It's o.k., Mrs. Claus. It's o.k.

Hey... You guys hear that?

Sounds like--i just heard santa landing.

I sure hope so.

Hey, there he is!

h* h* h*!

Aah! Whazzup?

Hi, you little cutie!

Look at the little kids.

What's wrong with him?

Santa's got lupus.

All right.

How you doing there, boys and girls?

You're not santa. You're an impostor.

I am santa, damn it.

I saw what you were doing last night.

Now shut up, 'fore I tell your mother.

Boy with the big head,

If you don't sit down, man--keep away.

Santa's acting like we asked him to come here.

Why is rudolph's nose so red?

'Cause he's on that stuff.

Hey, kids, let's just say no.

Santa, do you know every boy and girl's name?

I sure do.

Then what's my name?

Hold on.

You are waterhead.

Now shut up.

I asked for a ninja turtle party van last year,

And you didn't bring it at all. What's up with that?

Last year I asked you to bring my sega genesis.

The year before that, you didn't bring me any transformers.

The year before that, you didn't bring me my lite brite.

I got a lite bright I didn't ask for.

That's mine. Give it to me.

Santa-- man, you messed up.

Ahh, maybe you have alzheimer's.

Hey! Hey! Hey! That's enough.

Sit down.

S-sit down...

And shut up.

Y'all don't even know what christmas is about.

This holiday isn't about toys.

Anyone know what christmas is about?

No! No!

I'm going to tell you the story of christmas.

You want to hear that, don't you?

No! No!no!

You're going to hear it anyway. Shut up!

It began a long, long time ago.

No. Where you there?

Was your mother there?

What?

Was your grandmother there?

Whoa, santa!

Santa, no. No, santa.

Come on. Santa, come on.

Santa...

Santa, he's just a kid.

Hey! Hey, arthur, sit down.

He's just a kid, santa.

What about the mother and grandmother?

I'm saying ma always been good to us.

Santa.

Santa, santa, wait, wait.

You like children, remember, santa?

You like them. Yes.

That's a good santa.

Arthur, stop it.

I'm so sorry.

A little mama thing.

Ooh.

Ahh.

All right, arthur,

Nobody was there, man, o.k.?

Ahh. Joseph and mary were two kids

From a little town called nazareth.

Was that near a projects?

All right.

Now...mary was having a baby--god's baby.

And all the people in the kingdom

Were going to be counted for a census record.

You know what "census" means?

Yeah, don't answer the door.

I'm not telling you again,

All right?

Now, joseph and mary had to go to a town

Where joseph's family was from--

Bethlehem.

Did they stop at mcdonald's?

Yeah, and they filled their faces

With happy meals.

What did they found when they got there?

A cadillac with keys in it.

Boy, if I got to tell you one more time...

I'll fight a kid.

I'm serious. I'll fight a little boy.

I ain't no punk.

Santa, santa, it's o.k., Santa.

I know. I know.

What they found, arthur--

They found that bethlehem

Was a lot like vegas on fight night.

There wasn't a hotel room anywhere.

O.k., Watch your step.

All right. O.k.

All right, baby.

Hey, you hold that water, girl.

Yeah. All right,

We're going to get you a room, o.k.?

Joseph.

Joseph, look at that sign.

"Shoplifters will be crucified."

Wait, you ain't got nothing, do you?

Get on up here.

Joseph, this place sounds kind of rough.

What kind of neighborhood is this?

Babe, this must be the south side of bethlehem.

[Clang]

All right! All right, hold your camels!

Welcome to the bethlehem inn,

Where we always leave the torch on for you.

How may I help you?

We need a room.

Of course.

Whoop.

What's the name?

Joseph.

I don't see a reservation.

What's the last name?

There's no last name.

It's just joseph?

Just joseph, man.

Oh, I get it.

It's sort of like madonna.

Heh heh heh.

No, that would be her.

We're all booked up for the night.

You really should've called in advance.

But mary's about to give birth any minute now.

Pow pow!

Mother of god, are you kidding?

I felt some kick.

Girl, it feel like he's walking on water.

Just...

Sorry, no room at the inn.

[Martin] you ain't right, man.

Let's get out of here.

We'll stay out back at the stable.

Hi, nebuchadnezzar and sarah...smith.

Have a reservation?

No, we don't.

You're in luck. I have one room left.

What?

Is there a bible?

Only the first half.

Sign here, please.

Joseph, did you see that?

Yeah. You know what?

I got a feeling

It's going to be like this for , years.

No room at the inn.

No justice, no peace.

Say it.

No justice, no peace.

No justice, no peace.

Jesus was born

Just as the prophets said.

Now, above them a bright star began shining in the sky

To show the world a great king had been born.

This star shined so bright,

You could even see it during the daytime.

Did you poke a hole in a shoe box to look?

Waterhead, don't even bother to wake up on christmas, o.k.?

Just stay sleeping, o.k.?

Chill, o.k.?

All right?

Just lay in your dribble, and let it marinate.

Now...

This star was so bright

That some wise brothers from the east side

Followed it for miles to see the christ child

And bring him gifts.

You mean we got to walk all that way

And bring a gift?

It's the son of god, man.

We can't go empty-handed.

How's that going to look?

I don't care where you go,

Long as you bring me something back, hear me?

Get back in the house.

So the wise men walked...

And walked...

And walked.

Why didn't their mothers drive them?

'Cause the camel had a boot on it.

Who's idea was this anyway?

If we so wise, how come we lost?

Never mind that.

Who's big dog is this

With the hump on his back?

Obadiah...you stupid.

Anybody got a map?

I thought for sure we'd run into a gas station.

It didn't look this far from my house.

Hey, look for moss.

Moss always grows on the north side.

That's true. I went with some women from the north side.

I'm blind.

Looking into that star

Is like looking into a flashcube.

Here. Try on one of these here.

Yeah.

They'll think we look large.

Ahh!

They were wise men.

That's right. Well, two of them were.

The third one had a plate in his head.

You like that, don't you?

Uh-huh.

Sorry, man.

Where were you?

I got caught up at work.

A had a water leak. I had to vacuum--

O.k. Shh! Shh! Shh!

And at long last,

They reached baby jesus' bed.

Oh, it's the cutest little king

In the whole wide world.

He looks just like a little angel.

Ga ga! Goo goo!

What's new?

Psst, mary, who are those three brothers

Dressed like queen latifah?

I don't know, joseph. Jehovah witnesses?

No, they too early.

I don't care what you brothers are selling.

Take your humpback dog,

And go on about your business.

Hallelujah!

The son of god

Is born unto us.

O.k. Right. Right.

Can I get you guys anything?

Uh, wine, fish, bread, kool-aid?

Come on in. Come on in.

Gold-- 'cause he is king.

Frankincense-- 'cause he is god.

Myrrh-- because he is also man.

We appreciate that. Thank you.

Aw...that's our boy.

You go, girl!

Let me hold that gold, brother.

And see, that's why

We give gifts at christmastime--

To remember that jesus was born

To give us all hope

And to teach us to love

All our brothers and sisters.

Man, that was a deep story, santa claus.

Give me a hug.

Now, look,

I'm going to get you help, o.k.?

Ah.

That was beautiful, honey.

Aw, you liked that?

You know what?

You still owe me a gift, don't you?

h* h* h*.

Hey, pam, why don't you give me a little something?

All right.

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

♪ Round yon virgin ♪

♪ Mother and child ♪

♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪♪

Give it up.

Give it up. Yeah.

h* h* h*! h* h* h*!

Merry christmas, children.

There's the real santa!

Wait a minute!

If he's the real santa,

That means...

He's an impostor.

No. No. I'm from the ghetto.

Stone him!

Burn him!

Come on, everyone, let's bum-rush him!

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ The lord has come ♪

♪ Let earth receive our king ♪

♪ Let every heart ♪

♪ Prepare him room ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪♪