02x17 - Jonathan Plays Cupid

[bunniefuu]

♪ There is more to life
than what you're living

♪ So take a chance
and face the wind

♪ An open road
and a road that's hidden

♪ Brand new life
around the bend

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail
and at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take
and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up to you
my friend

♪ Nights are long
but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life
around the bend ♪

Aw, you're kidding me.

Oh, no.

Philly Fingers' wife
just threw him out
of the house.

Why?

Ah, he got home late
last night from a party.

Oh, well,
that doesn't seem fair.

Well, it was
a New Year's Eve party.



How about Joey?

Oh, how about Joey?

Aw, his wife just had a baby.

-Pee Wee?
-How about Pee Wee?

He just had his rugs cleaned.

I didn't even know
he had rugs.

Did I miss something?

Yeah, Dad's monthly poker game
is off for Saturday night.

They've got nowhere to play.

I have a wonderful idea.

Oh, so what are we going
to do then, now, come on.

Hello, hello, Mr. Fingers?

Yes, yes,
it's Angela Bower.

How would you
and your friends like to play
at my house Saturday night?

Poker.

Oh, well, let's say 8:00-ish,
and don't feel you have
to bring anything.

Bye, bye.

Angela,
that's very nice of you,
Angela, it really is,

but, you know,
these guys, they're a little,
I don't know,

rough around the edges,
you know.

-They're disgusting.
-Thank you.

Come on, Tony,
I'm really looking forward
to meeting your friends.

Oh, you know...

All right, hey, look,
I guess we could play poker
in Connecticut, huh?

I better tell Pee-Wee
to dress.

Oh, no, Tony,
let's keep it informal.

No, Pee-Wee likes to play
in his underwear.

A shirt would be nice.

You haven't seen his shirts.

Neither has the laundry.
Get out.

Oh, a letter from my very best
friend from graduate school.

I haven't seen her in years.

She coming for a visit,
Angela?

Yes, she'll be here for dinner
Saturday night.

That's my poker night.

Oh, what are you gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

Yeah, well,
they're your friends.

Angela, you invited them.

Oh, I know,
and I would love to meet them
but just not with Emily.

She's so reserved
and conservative.

She's not at all
the free spirit that I am.

Oh, yeah, you and Madonna.

I guess I'll just have
to call off my game.

You think your friends
will understand?

What friends?

-Oh, Tony, I feel terrible.
-It's okay.

No, let me see, let me see
if I can switch it.

Oh, I know, I'll have her
over for Sunday brunch.

Oh, that's a good idea.

You know, Emily, she sounds
more like a brunch person,

whereas my guys,
they're like, you know,
Saturday night animals.

Hey, your homeowner's
policy paid up?

They're here.

Hey, Joey.

What do you say, buddy?

Hey, what's happening?

Hey, Tone.

-Aloha.
-Absolutely.

-Hey, hey, how's your rugs?
-Wet.

-How's your baby?
-Wet.

-Hey, how's your wife?
-Don't ask.

Where's Eddie?

Well, we didn't want to come
empty-handed,

so we picked up
a couple of beers.

Hey, Tony.

Eddie, isn't that heavy?

No, it's light beer.

Hey, you got a match?

-Yeah, your face and my...
-Angela.

Hi, guys.

Oh, you must be Pee-Wee.

What makes you say that?

Hey, and this is Joey Rossini.

Oh, yes, of course,
hello again.

This is Mr. Philly Fingers.

Mr. Fingers.

That's right,
and this is Eddie Carpucci,

-World Class Exterminator.

Exterminator?
You do mean bugs?

Guys, guys, this is my boss,
Angela Bower.

Tough job, Tony.

Got any openings for me?

Uh, no, but next time
I'm planning a luau,
I'll keep you in mind.

Oh!

My shirt.

Oh, this is wonderful.

I'm so delighted

that we could all
be together tonight
and hang out.

Come on, guys.
Sit down here.
Hey, you're looking good.

Hey, Pee-Wee, did you grow?

Ah.

I see all the guests
have arrived.

I thought I smelled men.

Put your hand down.

-Oh, Mona, you look terrific.
-Oh, Mother.

You are just going
to be the belle
of the Policeman's Ball.

You like it?
It was on sale at Bergdorf's.
It was a steal.

Oh, next time, talk to me.
I mean, I could steal it
for you wholesale.

Thank you. Sure thing.

Hey, you got a back door?

Relax, it's just my date.

BOB:
Mona Robinson,
this is Officer Bob.

I know you're in there.

Aw, he's so impatient.

Hey, who wants a beer?

I'll have one. Hey, Pee-Wee.

Gather around, sports fans.

All right, guys, come on,
everybody, let's sit down
and play some poker, huh?

Angela, what are you doing?

Playing poker.

You can't play poker.
You don't know
how to play poker.

Surprise, surprise.
I've been studying
for two days.

-You got cash?
-This enough?

Let her play.

Angela, Angela,
this is for real.

These guys win your money,
they don't give it back.

Well, then,
I'll just have to win,
won't I?

One for you,

one for you, one for you,

one for you, one for you
and one for me.

-Another one...
-Would you just deal
the cards?

It's, uh,
all right with you guys

if I look at my list of
what beats what, yes?

You can look at whatever
you want.

Oh, thanks.

-Thank you.

Okay, I'll, uh, I'll open
for a Washington, here.

I'll see that.

-I'm in.
-Me, too.

Uh, I see that
and let's go up one more.

-Uh, that's two dollars?
-Yeah.

Oh, why not. And, uh...

Another one for good luck.

All right, all right,
all right, all right,
it's your money.

-I mean, uh...
-Excuse me.

Uh, I don't have this
on my list.
What beats a royal flush?

-Oh, no.

Well, then, I'll just have
to get one of those.

-Hey, hey, oh...
-She bluffed us.

Not bad, Angela, not bad.

For a beginner.

Thank you, Tony.

Welcome to Connecticut, boys.

ANGELA: Oh, oh.

-Hey, Pee-Wee,
stop hogging the beef jerky.

Thanks.

Hey, Pee-Wee,
what is with you?

-Hey, you do stuff like that
at home?
-Yeah.

Loosen up, Tony.

Since he's moved
to Connecticut he's gotten
so uptight.

Are we gonna jaw all night
or we gonna play poker?

I think I'm going to take
your money and I'm going
to get a little shut-eye.

Really, I have a very
important brunch tomorrow.

Oh, yeah,
I know how that can be.

Good night, you guys.
Thanks a lot.

Goodnight, Angela,
you're terrific.

Thanks.

Hey, uh, excuse me
a second, guys.

-Angela.
-Yo.

-TONY: Yo.

Um, you want me to throw
these guys out?

You know, these games
can go kind of late.

No, no.

I'm a sound sleeper.
You guys enjoy yourselves.

-Thanks, Angela.
-Yeah.

-Hey, Angela
-Yeah?

You were really
terrific tonight.

Yeah, I was, wasn't I?

They're a great bunch of guys.

You like them?

Yeah, I do.

I think they liked me, too.

Oh, are you kidding me?
They loved you.

I mean, what's not to love?

I mean...

-Hey, Tony.
-Yeah?

Are you in or what?

I'm in, I'm in.
I'll be right there.
Get in there.

I think I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go play cards.

-Okay.
-Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Oh, all right guys,
let's play cards,
I'm feeling hot.

-I noticed.

Oh, oh.

Oh, you look wonderful.

Everything's gonna be
just perfect for Emily.

-Hi, Ange.

-You in?

I'm glad I didn't do this.

-What are you doing
up so early?
-Early?

Early. Emily will be here
any minute.

You're kidding me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I lost all track of time here.

Dad, didn't you even notice
the sunrise?

No. Was it nice?

Listen, don't worry about it,
Angela.

The game's over
and the guys are out of here.

-Go out, out, you out,
come on.

Wait, where's my quiche?
Where's my
cucumber sandwiches?

-Well, I don't know.
-I don't know.

I kinda got the munchies.

Come on, guys, let's go,
let's go, let's go.

Angela,
thanks for the hospitality.

Hey, Eddie, you coming?

No, I'm going to stick around
and help Tony clean up.

You got a hose?

I got it, I got it, I got it.

Angela, Angela, Angela, look.

Look, me and Eddie'll have
this place cleaned up spotless
before she even shows up.

Eddie cannot stay here.

Why not? Eddie's my friend.

I know that,
and he's a very lovely man.

And the next time we have
a termite problem,

he's got the job, I promise.

But he and Emily come from
two very different worlds.

And I don't think it's a good
idea if those worlds collide.

Well, thank you, Carl Sagan.

Oh, come on, Angela.
He won't embarrass you
and anyway,

he'll be long gone before
she shows up, okay.

Or I could be wrong.

It's her. It's her.

-Emily.
-Angela.

-Oh, hi, come in.
-Thank you.

Oh, this place is perfect.

It's so quaint, so charming.

Oh, it's wonderful.

Whoa. Who's the fox with
the great maracas?

Emily, this is my housekeeper,
Tony Micelli.

Hi, Emily,
so nice to meet you.

And this is my good friend,
Eddie Carpucci.

Who will be leaving shortly.

Nice to meet you.

That's quite a grip
you have there.

Oh, that's from pumping
spray cans.

I'm an exterminator,
licensed.

Well, uh, Eddie,
you don't wanna hurt the girl.

Eddie.

Let her go, Eddie, let her go.

So, uh, Emily, uh,
what do you do to earn a buck?

Well, I perform studies on
organizational productivity
at Stanford.

Oh, I love a woman
with big brains.

Well, isn't that nice.

-Do something.
-Eddie, heel.

Tony, could I see you
in the kitchen a minute,
please?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Hey, would you excuse us?
Talk among yourselves.

I told you. I told you.
I told you.

I know, I know, I know.
You were right.

Emily's really uptight. Ugh.

Emily?
I'm talking about Eddie.

You know, your friend
who evaluates
people's maracas?

To some people,
that's a compliment.

You leave my mother
out of this.

Your friend is ruining
my brunch.

All right, all right,
all right,
I'll take him to the station.

It's obvious that oil and
vinegar just don't mix.

Oh, my God.
What are they doing?

I'm glad.

I am thrilled
that you find this so amusing.

Uh, Tony, I think it's time
we got back to our guests.

Good idea, Angela.

Emily, you never will guess
who I saw the other day.

Well, I won't keep you
in suspense.

It was Sarah Connors and
she looks horrible.

What was that, Angela?

Uh, hey, Eddie,
what do you say,

you don't wanna do anything
you might regret
like miss that train.

Let's hit the road, pal.

Please don't leave
on my account.

Well, you know, he's gotta...

Angela, do you have
any hand cream?
My skin is so dry.

Uh, in my purse.

Oh, the kind
with extra emollients

and deep penetrating
moisturizers?

I don't think so.

Oh, it's the only kind I use.

Gee, is there a drug store
around here?

Sure there is.
I'll give you a lift.

Tony, can I borrow your van?

Well, wait, hey, Eddie,
wait a second,
hey, hey, hey, hey.

Her skin has always
been very dry.

♪ Oh, what love got to do

♪ Got to do with it

♪ What's love

♪ But a second-hand emotion

Good morning, all.

Good morning, Mona.
You're looking very chipper.

-How was the Policeman's Ball?
-Oh, it was wonderful.

I could've danced all night.

But I didn't.

Where's Emily?

Uh, Eddie took her
to the drug store in my van.

Oh, they must be back by now.
Your van's parked out front.

Thanks, Moe and Larry.

I don't see them.

That's because the windows
are all steamed up.

What are they doing?

Angela, we had that talk
before you married Michael.

I knew you weren't listening.

Oh, here they come,
here they come.

Sorry, we took so long.

What can I say?

Eddie, Eddie.

Can I talk to you
in the kitchen, please?
I think we got bugs.

Yeah, sure.

If they know how to crawl,
I know how to k*ll them.

Would you believe,
we had to drive to New Haven
to find the hand cream?

No.

Hartford?

What do you think
you're doing?

I'm looking for bugs.
You said you had bugs.

I'll give you bugs, Eddie.

I can't believe
you and Angela's best friend,
you know.

I know. I know.

I couldn't help myself,
Angela.

Look, when he started
to nibble on my...

Please.

Spare me the details.

Eddie's so refreshing.

He's rough around the edges,
strong but sweet.

Uncomplicated.
Do you know what I mean?

Nibbled on your what?

You're not making this up,
are you, Eddie?

No.

Gee, I mean, hey,
she don't seem the type,
you know.

It's true, Tony.

You wouldn't believe
what they teach them
in graduate school.

Of course not.

Tony and I don't...

Have a relationship like that.

I guess, opposites do attract.

That's what they say.

Who would have thought,
I mean, Emily is so...

Classy.

And Eddie's so...

Physical.

Hey pal, uh, it's about time
to catch that train.

Wanna give me a lift
to the station?

You're leaving now?

Yeah, I gotta get back.

It was really nice
meeting you, Emily.

You give me a call next time
you're in town

or if you ever have
any bug questions.

Oh, well, thank you, Eddie.

And listen,
you do the same if you, uh,

ever do any work at Stanford.

Right.

Thanks for the hospitality,
Angela.

You too, Emily.

I don't get it.

Why the quick getaway?
I mean, aren't you
gonna see her again?

What's the point, Tony?

What am I gonna do,
take her
to Marty's Melody Room

and teach her how
to sh**t pool?

She might like pool.

Okay, and then what?

Is she gonna marry me
and live in Brooklyn?

It ain't natural, Tony.

Emily, that's it?

You're not going
to see him again?

Well, no, Angela.

Not unless he shows up
at the next faculty tea.

You didn't even try.

Oh, well, it might be fun
for a while.

It might be a lot of fun.

But, eventually,
a man like this

would suffocate in my world.

I'm famished.

What do you have
to eat around here?

Nothing.

Oh, why don't we go
to the Country Club
for brunch?

Okay, uh, give me a moment
to freshen up.

-Yeah,
right around the corner.
-Okay.

I forgot my keys.

How's Emily?

Hungry. How's Eddie?

Can't seem
to get back to Brooklyn
fast enough.

I'm gonna drive him.

Well, I'll be at the club.

Yeah, well, I figure while
I'm in Brooklyn,
I'm gonna sh**t some pool.

Okay.

-Hey, Angela?
-Yeah?

You don't sh**t pool, do you?

No.

I didn't think so.

What the hell.

TONY: Who's the Boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

All right.

I see you and raise you

six cents. Ha!

Ooh, six cents.

Jonathan,
can I borrow a nickel?

Okay, Grandma,
but you're already
four bucks in the hole.

Who asked you?

I think I wanna raise it.

Sweetheart,
do you want to do that?
That's your whole piggy bank.

Isn't four aces pretty good?

-I fold.
-I fold.

I fold.

Hold it.

No way, pal.
I fell for this
with your mother.

I wanna see it.
Here we are. I call.

Read them and weep, baby.

A full house.

Right.

Four aces.

I told you.

-All right. Credit cards.
-Oh, wait a minute.