02x19 - Losers and Other Strangers

[bunniefuu]

♪ There is more to life
than what you living

♪ So take a chance
and face the wind

♪ An open road
and a road that's hidden

♪ Brand new life
around the bend

♪ There were times,

♪ I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail

♪ And at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take
and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up to you
my friend

♪ Nights are long
but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

Yeah!

Oh, gee, too bad, Dad,
you left the 10 pin.

What? Oh, wait, wait.
Look, look.

It's teetering.
It's teetering.

Go, go, baby.
It's going, it's... It's down!

It's a score!
We win the championship!

How did he do that?

Ah, it's the shirt, my boy.

Dr. Wittener's
Drill Team. Huh.

You named your team
after a dentist?

He's the best bowler
on the team, Sam.

And besides,
he bought the shirts!

Well, greetings friends
in scruffy attire.

Mona is hear
for all to admire.

Oh, hey, great, Mona.

You decided to go bowling
with me, after all, eh?

Any other night, Tony.

Well, Mona, look,
it's your choice.

It's either the glamour
and excitement

of Madison Avenue's
star studded awards ceremony

or a couple of sweaty guys
rolling strikes
and swilling beer.

Hmm, no, well, I promised
Angela I'd go with her.

Anyway, she's going to mention
me several times
in her acceptance speech.

-You read it?
-I wrote it.

See, the award ceremony's
pretty boring.

But it's the party afterwards
where I'm going
to make memories.

Ooh.

h*! h*!

Ladies and gentlemen,
the moment you've all been
waiting for.

For best TV commercial,
the nominees
are a lot of people

who don't have a prayer
and this year's winner
of the Maddy,

Angela Bower.

-Oh, Tony!
-Hey!

Hey, hey, how about
a few words for the folks
back home, Angela?

It's an honor
just being nominated.

Oh, can the humility!

You have earned it.

And you want it so bad,
you can taste it.
Admit it!

-I am not that competitive
a person, mother!
-Ha.

You still have never gotten
over the spelling bee
you lost in the third grade.

Well, that was clearly unfair.
They gave me "forsythia".

And they gave Beth
a laugher like
"chrysanthemum".

Phew, sounds like
the fix was in.

What nine-year-old
can spell forsythia.

Forsythia,

F-O-R-S-Y-T-H-I-A, forsythia.

Who asked you?

Let me tell you
something, though.

You don't have to spell
to be an advertising genius.

And your campaign
for rat poison,
it was inspired.

-Oh, Tony.
-No, no.

I love those little rats
on the motorcycle.

Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.

Rodent Warrior.

Hey, Angela, how'd you find a
rat who looks like Mel Gibson.

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't easy,
they had to cap his teeth.

Angela, where is your
cashmere cape?

It's in the hall closet,
but I'm not sure
whether I'm going to wear it.

Oh, you're not. I am.

So, Angela, I guess the odds
are pretty good
you're gonna win tonight.

Whoa, you bet
your life they are.
Are you kidding me?

Well, I'm up against
a lot of other commercials
that are extremely adequate.

Even one by Shirley Grant.

The girl who learned
everything she knows from me

and then went to work
for my nearest competitor.
The tr*mp.

Well, forget her.
Forget her because I predict

that later tonight,
this table will be groaning

under the weight
of two awards.

Your Maddy,
and my bowling trophy, eh?

The city's gonna have
to condemn this.

Unsafe due to the victory.

-I'll get it.

Hello?

It's Dr. Wittener, Tony.

Oh, my man, Herb,
watch out, baby.

Hey Herb, what's happening,
the Sultan of strikes?

The Sheikh of spares,
the Lord of lanes?

What? Oh, no.

One of his patients
bit his thumb.

Oh, the thumb
that was born to bowl?

Well, how swollen is it?

What you stick it
in there for?

Oh, should the children
be hearing this?

It's his thumb, Mother.
Some kid bit it.

-Oh.
-Oh.

Herb's our ace.
Without him we don't
stand a chance.

-I'm not even gonna go.
Forget about it...
-Oh, Tony,

life isn't about
winning or losing.

You do your best
and then you accept victory
or defeat with class.

The limousine is here
for the Bower party.

Hmm, well, this evening's
off to a fine start.

I'm Mona.

And this is Angela, my sister.

Well, Tony,
keep it out of the gutter.

Yeah, you too, Mona.

Jonathan, what are you doing?

Giving Grover a home perm.

Let that set for 20 minutes

then come back
and I'll comb you out.

I'm worried
about you, Jonathan.

I just want him to look nice
when Mom brings
the trophy home.

There's the limo!
They're here.
Turn on the music.

Where's the trophy?

Oh, was is it great?
Oh, tell us all about it.

It was an honor
just being nominated.

Well, the chicken
was a little rubbery.

But other than that,
it was a lovely ceremony.

Huh, you didn't win, Mom?

Shirley Grant won.

That cow.

Guess what?

Make some room
on the trophy table.

Look what followed me home?

You won?

Hey, they don't give you one
of these babies for losing.

I should get another trophy
just for trying to pick it up!

Wow, you actually won?

Sam, you should have seen me.
I was terrific.

I mean, I bowled a 240.

-240?
-240.

I threw more strikes
than the New York City
sanitation workers.

Aw, you guys are so great.
How'd you know?

Well, actually
that was for Angela.

That's right, Angela!
Congratulations!

Hey, let's put my trophy
right next your Maddy, huh?

Where's your Maddy?

It was an honor
just being nominated.

Oh, Angela, you didn't win?

Worse than that, she lost.

To a cow.

You mean, Shirley Grant won?

Really, it's not all
that important.

It was an honor...

ALL: Just being nominated.

I really feel bad
about this, Angela.

Oh, no, no, don't be silly.

Really, I look
on the bright side.

I still have my health.

And, uh,
I have my lovely family,

and my lovely home,
and my friends.

The only thing you don't have
is a trophy.

Yes, thank you
for pointing that out, Mother.

Well, look, Angela,
let's think of my trophy
as our trophy.

Gee...

Goodness me. This is even...
This is even better.

It's got wood. Yes.

-Yes, and plastic...
-Well, a little plastic
there, yeah.

Yes, yes, and a little man
holding a little bowling ball.

-You like that?
-Yes, yes.

This is enough trophy
for one household.

You know, another one
would just clutter up
the living room.

Come on, Dad.
Tell us all about it.
And don't leave anything out.

All right, all right, look,
I'll fill you guys in later.

But right now, these two have
a big party to go to.

Oh, no, it's been
such a full day,
I think I'll call it a night.

Oh, then, you don't mind
if I make other plans?

Not at all.

See ya.

How does she do that?

All set, Mona?

You're really going out?

I'm sorry, dear.
But life and the
good times do go on.

Oh, well.

Come on, Dad.
I want to hear how you won.

Oh, listen, um,
I'm not so sure,

you know, considering I won,
and you know who
you know what.

Oh, no.

Tony, please.
I want to hear about it.
I'm happy for you.

Wow, you're really
taking this well, Angela.

Oh, these things happen.

Yeah?

All right, all right, look.
It was terrific, right?

As soon as I threw that first
strike in the first frame,

I got this weird feeling
come over me...

Like tonight was going
to be Tony Micelli's night,

like it was destiny
or something.

Oh, I'm getting goose bumps.

All right, so I'm throwing
strike after strike.

Boom, boom,
they're going down.

And the crowd starts to gather
I mean, like...

Um, I can finish
this up later.

Maybe, maybe next week.

No, Tony, please.
It's absolutely riveting.

Yeah, go ahead.

Okay, now it's
the last frame, okay?

We need one more strike.

All right,
so I pick up my ball.

I look down that alley.
And I let her go.

I threw the ball so hard,
it didn't even hit the pins.
The pins saw it coming.

"Ahhh," they jumped
out of that way!

I knew you'd do it, Tony!

And then, they presented me,

Strike Micelli with this.

Which I deserve.

Dad, let's see how it looks
on the trophy table.

Yeah! Great.

Um, is that okay, Angela?

Please, of course.

-Yeah?

-Oh, is it beautiful?
-It is!

Angela, look at this.
Come here, come here.

I mean, you know, this is
just what this room needed.

I mean, you know,
something big, something bold,

something that says,
a winner lives here, huh?

What do you think, Angela?

I hate it!

I hate the table.
I hate the trophy.

I hate the little man holding
the little bowling ball.

And most of all,
I hate your shirt.

Please, be honest.

Inhale, exhale.

Again.

Exhale.

I'm sorry, Tony.

No, Angela, I'm sorry.

I'm going to keep that trophy
in my room.

I'm gonna keep it
in the closet...
In the back of the closet.

Gee, Dad, I don't know.

The back of the closet is
already crowded with trophies.

You remember
all those trophies
you got from high school?

And the
Rookie of the Year Award?

-Oh, and that
JC Citizenship Trophy?
-Inhale, exhale.

Inhale, exhale.

Oh.

Uh, Jonathan,
will you help me with this?

All right, it's beautiful!

-Whoo, it's heavy!
-Will you get that trophy
out of here? Inhale...

Inhale, exhale...

Oh.

Oh, Tony, I really don't know
what came over me.

I don't hate the table.
And I really don't hate
your trophy.

How about my shirt?

It's lovely.

Well, look, you're just upset
because you lost.

Yes, you're right.
I am upset because of that.

I mean, hey look.
That's the way
it's supposed to be, Angela.

I mean, when you win,
you feel good.

Like me, I feel great!

-But you know, when you,
you know...
-The L word.

Well, yeah, I mean, you feel
like just a miserable shell
of a human being.

-Tell me about it.
-Yeah, you know, like
your life isn't worth living.

Right.

Like you want to crawl
under a rock and hide.

-I'm going to bed.
-Hey, wait a minute,
and miss a great party?

Tony, I'm new at losing.

-I'd just as soon be miserable
in the comfort of my own home.
-Now wait a minute, Angela.

Remember that pep talk
you gave me about
winning and losing?

Well, I went out there
and I won a trophy.

Tony, there are
no other trophies for me.

Other people have them now.
That is the problem.

Angela, let me tell you
a little story.

Why are you torturing me?

Angela, when I was


I had this good friend,
Philly Cartuccio.

And a week before
his big birthday bash,

he goes and steals
my girlfriend, Bambi Mistraco.

She was gorgeous
and very nice.
But mostly gorgeous.

Anyway, I felt
as bad as you do.

Well, maybe not that bad.

But, um,
I went to his party, anyway.
And I brought a present.

And that made you feel better?

That, and letting the air
out of his bicycle tires.

Oh, Tony, I don't think I can.

I don't think I can go
to the party. I can't face
all those people.

All those people?
Or Shirley Grant?

I have nothing against
Shirley Grant. That sow.

Angela, you've got to go.
You gotta go
and congratulate her.

You know what I mean?
You gotta show the world

that even though Angela Bower
doesn't have a Maddy,

she's got something
more important.

She's got class.
What do you say?

All right, Angela.
Go to bed.
See if I care.

-Good night.
-All right, all right,
all right.

I care, I care. I admit it.

All right, look,
you are the president
of Wallace and McQuade.

You're, you're the queen bee.
You know, all those
little worker bees?

They look up to you.

I mean it,
you gotta go, Your Majesty.

-I don't know, Tony.
-All right, all right,
I'll go with you.

What good will that do?

Oh, hey,

they know you lost.
This way they won't think
you couldn't get a date.

Okay, I made an appearance.

And you were right.
I feel a lot better.
Let's go.

Angela, wait a minute.

-You haven't even spoken
to anybody yet.
-That isn't part of the deal.

Come on, come on,
just, just be sincere.

I don't think I can.

Sure, sincerity's easy.
Just fake it.

Hello, congratulations,
so good to see you.

Angela, that's the waiter.

-Oh no, oh no,
that's Charles Brighton.
-Who's he?

He's the president of
Brighton and Bartholomew.
He's obnoxious.

Well, then, this a good chance
for you to grow as a person.

Go over there
and show him some class.
Come on, go ahead. Go, go.

Charles, yoo-hoo!

Why, Angela, you are
the last person on Earth
I expected to see here.

Well, I'm here to celebrate
with tonight's winner.

Amazing! Considering
that you lost.

Big!

-Charles?
-There, there, Angela!

Yes, Angela?

Give my best
to Phyllis and the kids.

Uh-huh.

You did it! That's great!

The winner of the First Annual
Angela Bower Class Award is...

-Angela Bower!
-Angela Bower!

I do have class, don't I?

That's right.
You're loaded with it.
You're loaded with it.

There's Shirley Grant.

That heifer.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I just don't know how a woman
with no neck can be creative.

All right, all right,
she has a neck.

It's just short.

Which is so often the case
with women with thick ankles.

Would you stop!

Angela, the board is seriously
considering taking back
the Angela Bower Class Award.

Oh, no, no. I can handle this.
I really can.

I was just temporarily blinded
by the hefty bag
she was wearing.

Where do you think she got it?

Salvation Army fire sale?

All right, all right.
Look, just watch me.

-I'll show you how it's done.
-Okay.

Miss Grant, I just want
to say congratulations

and that the award
was well deserved.

Oh, thank you.

-You're Shirley Grant?
-Yes.

-This is Shirley Grant?
-Yeah.

Congratulations, Shirley.

Oh, Angela, thank you so much.

Congratulations. Tony Micelli.

Oh, Tony, thank you so much.

Oh! I'm so thrilled! Oh!

So...

So thrilled for you.

Oh, I feel like
I'm gonna burst!

I feel like I'm going
to burst for you.

What a pair.
Oh, here I am, Shirley Grant,

new kid of the block,
winner of tonight's Maddy.

And here you are,
Angela Bower,

battle scarred veteran
of the advertising wars.

Oh, Shirley, how vivid.

Hey, Shirley,
how about an interview?

Another one?
Oh, I hope I haven't run
out of clever things to say.

Success. What a feeling!

Enjoy it.

Angela, you did it!

I did it.

-I did it!
I do have class, don't I?
-Yeah.

Did you see those shoes
she was wearing?

So, uh, Lisa,
are you in the ad game, too?

Yes, maybe you've seen
my latest commercial
for Super Wax Floor Cleaner?

Is that the one
with the great pair of legs

that are reflected up
in a high glow shine?

That's your concept?

No, my legs.

Ah.

Ah, yeah, well, you know
I didn't recognize them
without the mop.

Tony!

Oh, hi, Angela, how are you?

Um, so tell me now, Lisa, what
else have your legs been in?

Tony!

Excuse me, Lisa.

Stay right here.
I'll be right back.

Hi, gee, where'd you go?
I was so worried about you.

I went out for some air.

Guess where I found it?

In Shirley Grant's tires.

-What?
-I let the air
out of her tires.

And you were right.
I feel wonderful!

What do you mean, I was right?

You remember the story
with Phil, and Bambi,
and the bicycle.

I was 12 years old, Angela.

And besides, I don't think
Shirley came on a bike.

Nope, yellow convertible,
four flat tires.

I don't believe
I'm hearing this.

Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have
your attention please?

I'd like to present to you
the winner of this year's

Madison Avenue
Advertising Award,

Shirley Grant.

I can handle anything
she says.

Thank you all.

Winning the Maddy
was wonderful.

All I hear is hissing air.

But there is a one person,
one very special person,
I must thank.

Let her gush.

A person
who embodies excellence,

both as a professional
and as a human being.

This ought to be good.

Angela Bower!

What?

Angela, come on up here!

-What?
-Go on up.
Go ahead, go say something.

Do I smell
like stale tire air?

-Yeah.
-Oh!

Angela, you taught me
everything I know.

This award is as much yours
as it is mine.

Speech! Speech!

Speech!

Go on, say a few words.

It was an honor
just being nominated.

Does she have class
or does she have class? Hey!

You know, Tony, I've always
been a sore loser.

Well, Angela, that's why
you're so successful.
I mean, hey, you play to win.

Oh, but Shirley
did a great job.

And I should be able
to recognize that.

Of course, she didn't have
to sell rat poison.

Why quibble?

You know,
I should march in there.

I should order champagne
for everybody.

And I should toast Shirley
on her Maddy.

No, no, no.
You can't do that, Angela.

-Why not?
-It's your turn to pump.

TONY: Who's the Boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Mom. Guess what?

I'm going to be
in a Spelling Bee.

Oh, sweetheart,
isn't that wonderful!

Wonderful.

W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L, wonderful.

That is great!

That right. You just practice,
practice, practice!

Practice...

P-R-A-C-T-I-C-E, practice.

He has been doing that
all afternoon.

Please, do not encourage him.

Encourage...

E-N-C-O-U...

-Here, Tony.
-Thanks, buddy.
Hey, do me a favor?

Put this asparagus
in the refrigerator, please?

Asparagus.

A-S-P-A-R-A-G-U-S,

asparagus.

Jonathan, you're
getting obnoxious.

Obnoxious.

O-B-N-O-X-I-O-U-S, obnoxious.

Jonathan!

JONATHAN: Goodnight, Mom.

ANGELA: Goodnight, sweetheart.

JONATHAN: Sweetheart.

S-W-E-E-T-H-E-A-R-T,

-sweetheart.

Slam.

S-L-A-M, slam.