04x03 - There Goes the Bride

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ So take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

Whoa, Angela!

You look fantastic.

And you look-- Is that what
you're going to wear?

What? What?
The socks are wrong?

I knew it.

No, I just thought
a jacket and tie

were required
at L'etoile.

Oh. Sorry
I didn't mention it,

but I canceled
that reservation

and made one at
the Boar's Head Pub. Ooh!

The Boar's Head Pub
for a blind date?

No, I chose L'etoile
because of its ambiance.

Oh, the Boar's Head Pub
is loaded with ambiance.

You can throw your peanut shells
right on the floor.

Sounds charming. I hope
they have spittoons.

Oh, yeah.
Real ones. Brass.

Hold on, Angela, now wait
a minute. Wait a minute.

We have to give Lyle and Christy
a good example.

We got to make believe
that we get along.

I sure hope this works.

Do you think fixing them up
was a good idea?

Are you kidding me?
Your cousin, my old buddy?

Hey, it's in the bag.

Okay.

I'm just a little
nervous about tonight.

You know, we've never done
anything like this before.

Well, look, look, look.

If sparks fly,
that's terrific.

But if they don't, at least
we gave romance a shot, huh?

And it's about time too,

after three years
of heavy breathing.

On my part.

You two crazy kids.

I want you both to know
that you have my approval.

Wait a minute, us?

Oh. Oh.

You thought
we were going out?

[LAUGHING] No.

[LAUGHING] No. No, no, no.

Well, I should have
known better.

Angela, you better not
wait too long.

You're gonna be
out of warranty.

For your information,
Mother,

we're fixing up Tony's friend
Lyle with Christy.

Lyle?

Christy?

Wait. What's wrong
with Christy?

What's wrong with Lyle?

He's such a fungus.

Fungus?

All this guy ever talks about
is sports and medicine.

Maybe that's because
he's a sports doctor.

What a lame excuse.

Yeah, you think
he's bad?

Wait till you see
Christy.

She's 30
and had three dates.

That's a date
a decade.

A decade?

How could you
insult her like that?

She's a member
of our family.

Well, so are you, dear.

Guys, it will work out.

You know
what they say:

nerds of a feather...

Get out. Get out.
Now, wait a minute.

This is her first date
in the '80s?

It's her second date.

She didn't have
any dates in the '60s.

Oh, great.
She's-- She's on a roll.

Some people are
a little discriminating

about the kind of fungus
they go out with.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Fungus, huh?
Fungus?

Fungus?

Hey, hey, doc. How are you?
Come on in here.

All right, Angela, I want you
to meet Dr. Lyle Everett,

MD, PhD,
and all-around fun guy.

Fungi.

[GROANS]

So I've heard.

Come on, sit down.
How was your day? Tell me.

Oh, it was a k*ller.
It's the play-offs.

I had to repair four defense men
and two goalies.

The last case was
rather interesting.

I mean, the player
was diagnosed

as having a sprained
tibial posterior.

But after
careful examination,

I realized what he had
was a hairline fracture

of the metatarsal.

All right.

[CHUCKLING]

Amazing.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ooh...

[SING-SONGY]
I wonder who that could be.

I heard great things
about this gal.

This is her decade.

Christy, hi.

Come in.

You look great.

I do?

Yeah, hi, Christy.
I'm Tony.

Nice to meet you.
I want you to meet...

Come here.
Come here, doc.

I want you to meet
Lyle Everett,

world-famous jock doc.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, are they
getting along or what?

I'm sorry I'm late.

No, you're not late.
You're a little early.

Oh, am I too early?
Traffic was light. I'm sorry.

No, no, it's okay.
Look, relax. No problem.

I'm apologizing
too much, aren't I?

I'm sorry.

Well, okay, okay!

Look, hey, hey,
we still got some time

before we have to leave,

so why don't we sit down
and have some more laughs, huh?

Uh, Tony. Tony.

Um, maybe we should let
Lyle and Christy sit there.

It's more conversational.

Good point.

Go right ahead.
Sit down.

S-- So Christy,
heh, heh.

You know, Lyle here is one of
the foremost physicians

in sports medicine.

He had a very
fascinating day.

Tell us about it,
Lyle.

A guy had a busted foot,
and I fixed it.

See what I mean? Eh?
Isn't he something? Huh?

You know, to make him
even more interesting,

he's the team physician
for the New York Rangers.

[GASPS]
Isn't that a coincidence?

Christy is
a kindergarten teacher

for the New York
Public School system.

[LAUGHS]

[TONY CLAPS]

What a small world!

Really!

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Teaching is very challenging
work, isn't it, Christy?

I guess.

Well, hey, you must be loaded
with fascinating stories, eh?

No.

Isn't this great?

This is fabulous. Fabulous.

This is fun, eh?

Good fun,
good conversation, huh?

And the night's
just beginning.

[♪♪♪]

Morning.

Oh, good morning,
Angela.

What are you
doing up so early?

Well, I got enough sleep
last night on the date.

Oh, come on.

It wasn't that bad.

I saw the way
he put his arms around her.

Angela, that was
the Heimlich maneuver.

She was choking on
a mouthful of mutton.

Well, he maneuvered her
very tenderly.

Tony, if you looked closely,

you could see they were
really connecting.

What connecting?
Are you kidding me?

They said three things
all night:

Hello, goodbye,
and I'm choking.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Excuse me.

[SCATS]

We've got something
we can't wait to tell you.

But if this is a bad time,
we can come back later.

Well-- No, come in.

Come in. Come in.

[LAUGHING]
Okay.

Go ahead, Lyle.
Tell them.

No, no, go on,
you tell them.

Oh, okay.

[CHUCKLES]
You better tell them.

No, no.
You tell them.

Look, hey, why don't
you guys flip a coin?

No! Would you just
please tell me?

We're getting married!

Well...

Whoa!

Those are some
serious carats.

Oh, just a couple
of ligament operations.

[LAUGHS]

He breaks me up.

I knew it!

I knew it!
I just knew I was right.

[SCOFFS]

Well, jeez. Gosh, you guys
really move fast there.

Come on, sit down.
Tell me about it.

What happened, doc?

Oh, something--
Something wonderful.

Something...magical.

She sprained her ankle.

Oh, wait, was that when you
tripped on the spittoon?

No, not that time.

Uh, on
the cab ride home,

my foot got tangled up
in the seat belt.

Sounds like kismet.

No, kismet was three hours later
when her ankle swelled,

and she called me.

And he made a house call.

Well, well, well--
Then what'd you do, buddy?

Well, I applied
a cold compress.

And then I elevated her leg.

Lyle, Lyle. I mean between
you and Christy, what happened?

Oh, we-we just started...

talking and--
And laughing,

and we-we stayed up
all night.

We got to know each other.

Oh, she's a great
schoolteacher.

She's just...

She's got
finger painting anecdotes

that will slay you.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, Lyle.

[GIGGLING]

Well...

Well, gosh.
Congratulations!

Welcome to the family,
cousin Lyle.

I knew deep down inside--
I knew this would work out!

Well, very deep down,
I had a feeling.

All right,
here we go now.

Smile, dear.

I am smiling.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

You are
a lovely bride.

Thank you.

Mother.

Oh, yeah. Ditto.

And I wanna thank you again
for introducing me to Lyle.

Thank you.
He is a wonderful man.

I just can't
thank you enough.

Believe me,
you can.

And I also wanna
thank you for

inviting us
to have the wedding--

You're welcome.

Well, looks like
you're all ready to go.

You got something old,
something new,

something borrowed--
Ooh, we need something blue.

Oh, my ankle.

Lyle told me that one.

[CHUCKLING]

So, dear, do you have
any questions for your Aunt Mona

about what happens
after the wedding?

Oh, no. No questions.

Lyle and I have a book.

Oh, good.

Does it have
pop-up pictures?

Christy, this is going to be
a perfect wedding.

I ordered the cake
from Antoine's,

the flowers from
Blossom Boutique,

the book from
Bee Dalton's.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

And your groom is downstairs
just counting the seconds

until he sees
his beautiful bride.

[ALL GROANING]

A minute-thirty
and he gets nailed?

What's gonna happen now?

I think it's gonna be
a mad rush to the bathroom.

It's a commercial.

Thank God.

Well, here is
the official photographer,

ready to preserve all
of those precious memories.

Want a picture of me
and my best man?

No. Later.

Here, take a picture of me
and my hockey players.

Jean-Claude and Pierre.
Ooh-la-la.

All right.
Say brie.

ALL:
Brie...

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

Hey, are they allowed
to break their sticks

on the other one's head?

Hey! It's back on!

[ALL CHATTERING]

Oh, I don't believe it!

Okay, everyone.
The bride is ready.

It's time to begin.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

As I was saying,
the bride is ready.

It's time to begin.

Oh, Angela, Christy's
been ready for 30 years.

A few more seconds
won't matter.

Mother, I don't think--

Angela, please. Angela, please.

The wedding is
scheduled for 4:00.

It is 3:59
and 10 seconds.

I didn't realize
we scheduled

an entire wedding
around a hockey game.

Hey, I'm a born organizer.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

I-- I don't know,
Tony, uh...

Maybe she's right.

How can we start?
The organist isn't here.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ha!

Hi. I'm the organist.

Good, you're just in time.

I know.
There's 38 seconds left!

Okay. Everybody
take your places!

Well, personally,
I'm comfortable right here.

All right, Angela.
All right.

It's over. It's over in four.
In three, two--

Oh, no, he scored!

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

It's a sudden death!

Tough luck, Mom.

I don't believe this.

TONY:
Oh, what a game!

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

ALL:
♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da ♪

[ORGAN PLAYING FAINTLY]

You won't believe this.

Your wedding is being delayed
because of a hockey game.

Oh.

Lyle loves hockey.

It's okay.

No. It is not okay.

Well, he is giving up
the Rangers game

at the Garden tonight.

This is the most
important day of your life.

Well, that's true.

It should not be put
on a backburner

because of
some Neanderthal sport

that's played with
a puck and a stick.

I never thought of it
that way.

Well, think about it.

If you want me to.

Christy. Lyle is
taking you for granted.

You have got to stand up
for your needs.

Sudden death is no way
to start a marriage.

Maybe you're right.

Of course I'm right.
It's your wedding day.

Men know how to take
the romance out of everything,

and we let them
get away with it.

Why do we do that?

I don't know.

Well, we shouldn't.

Good girl!

Christy,
where are you going?

To give Lyle
a piece of my mind.

Now?

No, you do that
after the wedding!

ALL:
♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

You call that
a body check?

Well, it's not my way
of doing it.

Would you stop?

Christy...

TONY:
Oh! Oh! Hey!

That's a high stick, ref!
Did you see that?

Aw, that guy's a bum!

Lyle, I'm ready
to get married now.

M-me too, sweetheart.
Me too.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Lyle, I'm ready to
get married right now.

[SIGHS]

Okay, sweetheart.

Oh, McFie! McFie
can really skate!

What? What?

Lyle, you're
ignoring my needs.

Sudden death is no way
to start a marriage.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Honey...

Honey, can we just wait
till this is over?

Come on!

It's over.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Christy, it's just
a little delay.

Don't do anything
you're going to regret.

He's putting the most
important day of my life

on the back burner
for this Neanderthal sport.

Goodbye.

And thank you for
a lovely afternoon.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

We did it!

Well, that wraps that up.

I don't know about
the rest of you,

but I am in the mood
for a wedding.

[LAUGHS]

Good!

Then you can marry Lyle.

Poor guy.
Hope he's all right.

He looked so depressed
when he left.

You ain't kidding. He wouldn't
stay for the post-game show.

Maybe he wasn't really meant
for marriage after all.

Yeah. I guess maybe
it runs in his family.

You know, his mother
wasn't married either.

Hey, wait a minute.

If she wasn't married,
then where'd he come from?

St. Louis.

Oh.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

Whew.

I just can't get over it.

I mean, one minute, Christy
was a shrinking violet,

the next minute,
she was Sigourney Weaver.

Yeah, I know,
it's really weird.

When I left her alone
upstairs there with Angela,

she just seemed--

We should have known.

I tried to light
a fire under her.

I didn't think
she'd explode.

Well, you can thank your
lucky stars my sister is dead.

Otherwise, you'd have a lot
of explaining to do.

[SCOFFS]

Hmph!

What's that
supposed to mean?

Nothing.

Heh.

What did you say?

Nothing.

But now that you
mentioned it, Angela,

I would be remiss
if I didn't say

that I'm a bit
disappointed in you.

You're disappointed
in me?

Yes. I mean, well, for someone
who loves romance so much,

you certainly
clubbed it to death.

Me? I'm the one who planned
this entire wedding.

And I was looking forward
to a beautiful day,

where we could share the joy

of sending two people off
on a wonderful life together,

and what happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

You tore them asunder.

Tony, if anyone
tore them asunder,

it was you and that
dumb hockey game.

[GROANS]

Tony.

I hope you don't take this
the wrong way,

but you have become
totally insensitive.

Well,

how can I take that
the wrong way?

All I know is
you've changed.

You're not the same man
who used to bring home flowers.

Not for me,
for the house.

Well, that was back
in the days

when you were
much more considerate.

You'd be late,
and you'd call me.

Twenty minutes
is nothing to you,

but it means
a lot to a roast.

When was the last time
you baked me

chocolate chip cookies
with walnuts?

You know
they're my favorite.

I make them
all the time.

You just eat
too fast to notice.

Well, how would you know?

You're always running off
to some athletic event

or some Parent's
Association meeting.

And what about you? With
all the work you bring home,

you hardly have any time
talk to me.

Well, excuse me
for being a professional.

Well, excuse me
for being responsible.

You're excused.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, look what I found.

Uh, did I come
at a bad time?

Yes.

I can come back later.

No, no.
Come in, Christy.

I have to talk
to Lyle.

Well, you could,
if he was here.

Oh, no. He left?

I love that man.

I have to tell him,
and I've gotta tell him fast.

Otherwise, he's liable
to find another woman.

I think you've got
a few minutes.

[CROWD CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

[ORGAN PLAYING]

Hey, Gary!

[LAUGHS]

I didn't know that
hockey was so musical.

It's like the Ice Capades.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You see that person
out there with no teeth?

That's Dorothy Hamill.

There he is.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Wait a minute, Angela.
Wait a minute, now.

You know what happened
last time you tried to help.

Please. Let me handle it.
You stay here.

Yes. Right.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sorry. Hey, Lyle,
what do you say?

Oh, I'm sorry.
There's no more empty seats.

Oh, here's one.

[GROANS]

Lyle, I think we have
to have a talk.

Look, Lyle,
listen to her.

This could be the most
important conversation

in your whole life.
By the way, what's the score?

Rangers 3, 1.

All right, Rangers!

Um...

Lyle, I'm sorry
I walked out on you.

You're sorry?

Chris--
No, no. I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

Look, look,
you're both sorry, okay?

Hey, Angela, could you shift
your weight just a bit?

Sorry. Oop!

I-- I really appreciate
you coming down here.

I mean, and--
And everything.

Oh, my pleasure.

Can we get married now?

I don't know, Christy.
I've been thinking...

I think maybe it's better
that the wedding is off.

I mean, I'm an
insensitive sports junkie.

You can do a lot better.

Believe me, I can't.

I don't know, I--

I've been alone so long.
Maybe I should stay this way.

No, no, no, no.

Alone is bad.
Together is good--

Angela, could you give me
a little room here?

Oh, what Tony's trying
to say is that

living under the same roof
with someone special...

just makes life better.

Well, not always.

I mean, sometimes
you have a fight.

But then you wake up
in the morning,

and they're there for you,

unless they left early.

But maybe they left you
a note on the refrigerator.

But even if they didn't--

Would you please
bottom line this, Angela?

Alone is bad,
together is good.

Are you
just saying that?

No, no, I--

I mean it.

Yeah, we, uh--
We both mean it.

Maybe we should
leave them alone.

Oh, unless, of course,

you want to watch
the hockey game.

No. I can
do that anytime.

Let's go read the book.

Hey.

All right, pal.
Bye.

Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Excuse us.

[ORGAN PLAYING "BRIDAL CHORUS"
BY RICHARD WAGNER]

TONY:
Hey!

[TONY LAUGHS]

Nice couple.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, are we great matchmakers
or what?

Isn't it romantic?

Yeah.

There's an empty seat.

If you don't mind,
I'll just slip over there.

Oh, no, no.
I don't mind.

Oh! My...

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Well...

This is very exciting.

I've never been to
a hockey game before.

[STAMMERING]
Well, let me tell you something.
You're in for a real treat.

What does that red circle
on the ice indicate?

Oh, it indicates blood.

Oh.

[HUMMING]

--discussing things
like that--

You make a big deal
out of nothing.

Oh, Tony.

What lovely flowers.

Are they for...
the house?

Oh, I know how the house
likes flowers.

And, uh, by the way, Angela,
it's very considerate of you

to call when
you're gonna be late,

but it's--
But it's not necessary when

you're gonna be
four minutes late.

Well, four minutes
can mean a lot to a roast.

What is this,
June and Ward Cleaver?

No, Mona. We're just trying to
be a little bit more sensitive

to each other's needs.

And not take
one another for granted.

You know, Mother,
it wouldn't hurt

if you took
other people's feelings

into consideration
once in a while.

Why?

Ah, you made these
for Angela?

Oh, thank you.

[♪♪♪]