04x04 - A Trip to the Principal

[bunniefuu]

♪ There’s a time for love
And a time for livin’ ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and
A road that’s hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There’s a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is
Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

Oh, Dad, I just love
my new jeans.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

That’s okay.

Nothing’s too overpriced
for my little girl.

I hope it didn’t
blow our whole budget.

I still got enough
to buy myself a stamp.

The knee, right there.

Samantha,
what are you doing?

Putting holes in them,
so I could wear them.

Wait, let me
get this straight.

We move to Connecticut
from Brooklyn

so that we could
live a better life,

and now you want
to look like a bum?

Yeah.
Isn’t it great?

You know, Dad,

you could be cool.

Not me.

My knees
aren’t cute enough.

Suit yourself.

Well, actually...

Ooh, cute knee.

[PHONE RINGS]

I’ll get that.

Hello.

Yes. This is she.

Oh.

Oh, that’s wonderful!

Oh, I’m so excited!

My little girl
got her first
obscene phone call.

Oh, I’m sure
it’ll be fine.

But let me talk it over
with him, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He really is special,
isn’t he?

Oh, well...

Well, thank you.
Bye-bye.

[CHUCKLES]

So, what have I done now?

I don’t know, but I just got
the best news about Jonathan.

After only one week
back at school,

the teacher wants him
to skip sixth grade

and go to junior high.

Wow. This is great.

He’ll bring home
his college friends

a whole year early.

TONY:
Oh, Mona.

I am so proud of him.

I have been grooming him
for this for 12 years.

Angela,
he’s only 11.

I read the classics
to him in the womb.

I knew he listened.

Where would he go,
dear?

Wait a minute, Angela,
think about this a second.

Aren’t we
moving too fast?

Think this over.

What’s there
to think about?

Any good mother
would jump

to give her child
a leg up on life.

Are we going to hear
that dirge again?

I had the opportunity

to go from kindergarten
to the second grade,

but you didn’t think
I was ready.

I thought you lacked
some social graces.

She kept throwing
her dress
over her head.

Oh, yeah?

You’re not the only one
with cute knees.

Look. Jonathan’s bored
with his schoolwork.

It’s a great challenge.

But Angela, he’s going to have
to make a bunch of new friends.

And let’s face it,
Jonathan’s not exactly
Spuds MacKenzie.

Do I detect the odor
of sour grapes?

Sour grapes?

What is that
supposed to mean?

Well, some people’s daughters
are good students,

but then there are other
people’s sons

who are exceptionally gifted
super achievers.

Well, whoop-de-doo.

Come on, Angela,
all I’m saying is

a kid should have a chance
to be a kid.

You seem to be
quite the expert on this.

Did you ever skip?
You bet I did.

I skipped the fifth grade.

That’s right.

Of course, I had to take it
over that summer...

Look. I have
a breakthrough notion.

You probably think
it’s crazy,

but why not
ask the kid?

It’s too bad you didn’t
think of that

when opportunity
knocked at my door.

Oh, brother.

Jonathan!

Hey, Angela,
don’t push this kid.

Let him make up his own mind.

Give me
a little credit.

Yeah, Mom?
Sweetheart.

How would you
like to enter

a world full
of new challenges,

new ideas and
endless adventure?

We’re going to Epcot?

[HUMMING]

Hey, here he is.
The best and the brightest

at Fairfield Junior High.

How are you, Jonathan?

Hungry.

A man of few words.

What’s with this
appetite stuff?

They got you doing
heavy construction?

Oh, there it is.

Jonathan,
that’s my drumstick.

Sorry, Mom. I’ve been
thinking about it all day.

Wait a minute,
I put the other drumstick

in your lunchbox
this morning.

Yeah, that was
delicious too.

Maybe you should
start packing

bigger meals
for Jonathan.

Why don’t I send
a catering truck
to the school?

Is that an A I see
on that test paper?

Yeah. Do we have
any more potato salad?

Wait a minute.

I gave you plenty
of potato salad
this morning.

Oh, yeah.

The teacher
wrote a note.

"Excellent work.
Well thought out.

Perfect margins."

Who’s stealing your lunch?

Stealing?

Well, they didn’t
actually steal it.

They pinned my arms
down and took it.

Oh.
Sweetheart!

Who did this to you?

Monday, Brian took it.
Yesterday it was Greg.

And today, Cynthia.

Cynthia?

She’s not big,
but she’s mean.

Why didn’t
you tell us?

I’m calling
your teacher.

No, Mom.
Don’t do that.

He’s right. There’s
nothing worse
than a squealer.

I’ll speak to those
little hooligans myself.

One thing’s worse
than a squealer:

a mama’s boy.

This mama’s getting
to the bottom of this.

Now, Jonathan, come here.

Do you have any idea

why they’re
picking on you?

It beats me. They know
how gifted I am.

I told everybody.

Maybe they’re jealous
because I’m the only kid

with a designer briefcase.

Jonathan, if you want
to make friends,

it’s not a good idea

to tell everybody
you’re gifted.

That’s like bragging
about how rich you are.

Uh-oh.

Jonathan, you
know better than that.

But I don’t know
what else to say.

I don’t want to be
in junior high
anymore.

Jonathan.

Honey, that doesn’t
sound like you.

You have never
been a quitter.

But, Mom--
You’re going through

a period of adjustment.

Meanwhile, stay away
from the rough boys.

And Cynthia.

Do you know
what you need?

You need a friend.

You go up to somebody

who looks like
a good conversationalist.

You introduce yourself,

tell them
some witty anecdotes.

Before you know it,

you’ll have
plenty of friends.

You have
anything to add?

Yeah.
Dump the briefcase.

And I look forward
to meeting with you soon

to discuss things further.

Best regards,
Angela Bower.

We’d better go
over that again.

My mind wandered.

I’m afraid I may have
missed something.

All right.

Read what you have.

Ahem.

"Dear Mr. Henderson,

"regarding the marketing

of your new line of
male undergarments..."

Yes?

That’s where
my mind wandered.

So touchy.

Hey, everybody.

Where have you been?

Check it out.

Jonathan!

Outrageous, huh?

Whoa,
slap me, Jack,

I want
to get back.

Whoa, Jonathan.
Cool coif.

You’re all spruced
and moussed.

Jonathan, why
did you do this
to your hair?

Because it’s me.
It’s outstanding. It’s now.

It’s stiff.

A Hindu could
sleep on that.

This is great. He’s really
loosening up, isn’t he?

He was so darling
the other way.

Do you want him to look like the
Dutch Boy paint can

the rest
of his life?

Really, Angela, come on.

Lately he’s been
showing confidence.

He’s keeping his lunch.

He even picked up
a bad little swagger.

He did swagger.
Yeah.

[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hey.

Check out
his male role model.

[SCOFFS]

That’s my friend, Walter.

He’s even
got a buddy.

Sure. He followed
my advice.

Hey, Walter.

Hey.

Come on in.

Hey, everybody,
this is Walter.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Well, Walter, it’s such
a pleasure to meet you.

Ugh.
Uh...

Great earring,
Walter.

Can I have
the other one?

[MUMBLES]

He says no.

So, what do you want to be
when you grow up,

a speech therapist?

[LAUGHS]

So, Walter,

something to wipe
your feet on?

[MUMBLES]

You seem a little mature
for the seventh grade.

[MUMBLES]

He was held back a year.

His teachers just
didn’t understand him.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Go figure.

So how did you two meet?

Well, my locker was right
above Walter’s locker,

so he had to lift me up
so I could reach it.

But then I said,
"Let’s switch lockers."

Walter thought
I was a genius.

Yes.

So, what are you two
doing this afternoon?

[MUMBLES]

Hold it, hold it.

I think I got it.

You’re going
to the arcade!

Ugh!
[ALL CHATTER]

Oh, they loved you, Walter.

[GRUNTS]

Well, he’s not exactly
the playmate I had in mind.

Did you say
playmate or primate?

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Listen, Angela,
take it from me.

I spent a lot of time
on the streets,

and I can tell
a troublemaker
from a good kid.

That kid’s okay.

Don’t judge him
because he mumbles
and wears earrings.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, I’ll give her
the message.

Goodbye.

Angela, you’ve been
a bad girl.

You’ve been called
to the principal’s office.

What?

Walter and Jonathan

have been terrorizing
the school.

Like I said,

never trust a kid
who wears an earring
and mumbles.

[WHIMPERING]

Hey, Angela,
could you stop squeaking?

Come on, what are you
so nervous about? Sit down.

Jonathan has never been
in trouble with the principal.

As a matter of fact,
neither have I.

Well, you lucked out.

You happen to be with a guy
with season tickets

to the principal’s office.

You kidding me?
When I graduated,

they retired the ruler.

The ruler?

Yeah, you know,
the old knuckle buster.

I know, I know.
My principal had one too.

It never happened to me,
but I had nightmares for years.

Okay, all right.
Take it easy.

This is the ’80s.

Principals aren’t
like that anymore.

I mean, they try to
communicate with the kids.

They listen to
the kids’ problems.

They try to be
a friend to the child.

[SOBBING]

She probably just got
something in her eye.

Mrs. Bower?

Will you
come in, please?

He’s next.

You’re first.

All right, all right.
Now, Angela, look,

don’t think of this guy
as a principal.

He’s a man who earns
less than you.

Mr. Crebbins, it’s very
nice to meet you.

It’s important that parents
and educators work together.

I welcome
this opportunity.

Who’s he?

I’m Tony Micelli, sir.

I’m her housekeeper.

He also helps me
take care of Jonathan.

I think it’s important
for a boy...

Miss Bower,
we have a big problem.

I’ll come right
to the point.

Your son Jonathan is causing
a lot of trouble at our school.

Be a little
more specific.

I’ll be a lot
more specific.

I’ll read the highlights.

"Throwing water bombs
at the crossing guards.

Snapping girls’ brassieres."

All right!

You find that
laudatory, Mr. Micelli?

No, Mr. Crebbins.

Just that every guy
did that stuff

when he was a kid.

I snapped my share
of bras, didn’t you?

I guess not.

Moving right along.

"Forcing a hall monitor
to pretend he’s a horse

and using him
for transportation."

And my personal favorite,

"Mooning the girls’
gym teacher."

You mean my son actually
exposed his little--

Angela, yes, that’s
what it means.

Well, Mr. Crebbins,

I’m so glad
you brought this
to my attention.

I will make sure
Jonathan understands

that this behavior
is unacceptable,

and I’ll forbid him
to see that boy Walter.

You know, Walter.
The mumbler.

Miss Bower,

I had a long talk with
Jonathan this afternoon.

The problem goes a lot
deeper than Walter.

In fact, it might be traced
directly to you.

Hold on here,
Mr. Crebbins.

Angela Bower never
mooned anybody.

Thank you, Tony.

Well, you know what I mean.

She’s a great parent
and mother.

If I was to have
a kid today,

I’d want her
to be the mother.

Tony,
that’s so sweet.

Well, I would.

You’d be
a great father.

You think so?
I do.

I have a few faults, but--

Would you two
like me to leave?

Mrs. Bower,

your son desperately
wants to please you.

He knows you want
him to be popular.

But from a child

who’s just skipped
an entire grade,

those are very
high expectations.

Almost too high.

You see
what he’s doing

to try to fit in.

I...I see.

Look, Angela,
don’t worry about this.

This is not the end
of the world.

We’re in this together.
We’ll work it out.

CREBBINS:
He’s right, Mrs. Bower.

You obviously
have a very good
relationship

with your son.

And a very
interesting one

with your
housekeeper.

Boy, oh, boy.
Come on, Sam.

Hurry up.

Get the scissors.

I got to get
my jeans ready
for my date tonight.

Now, Mona,
slow down.

This takes
concentration.

You have to do it
just right,

otherwise,
you’ll show
too much thigh, okay?

Okay.

You make
a little nip,

and then pull gently.

Okay.
Got it?

There we go.
There’s the little nip.

There’s
the little nip.

All right.

And now
I gently pull.

Okay. Here we go.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

Oh...

well...

it’ll be okay.

I’ll teach you
how to wash them.

Teach me how
to shrink them.

[SIGHS]

Jonathan?

Jonathan?
Yeah, Mom?

Would you
come down here?

We want to talk.

Will this take long?

I’m working
on projects upstairs.

Science projects?

No. Extracurricular.

It’s the
extracurricular

we want
to talk about.

We just came from
the principal’s office.

Oh, did he
mention me?

It’s funny, but
your name did come up.

Jonathan, I’ve made
some mistakes,

and you have made
some mistakes.

I’m going to do
some changing,

and you’re going
to do some changing.

And guess
who’s going first?

But I don’t
want to change.

Things are
going real good.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Where are you getting
your information from?

Is Jonathan home, sir?

Walter, is that you?

Sir, yes, sir.

Come in.

Walter! What happened?

Where’s your earring?
Where’s your crummy clothes?

Your image
is totally shot.

My dad’s sending me
to military school.

I’m going
to have a career

in the armed forces.

Oh, we’ll all sleep
better knowing that.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

I came over
to say goodbye.

From now on,
you’re on your own.

I’m passing
the exploding cigar
over to you.

Make me proud.

Bye.

[GRUNTS]

This is terrible.

Don’t worry.

The Army has survived
much worse.

Not him. Me.
I lost my friend.

Well, Jonathan,
maybe that’s
for the best.

But he was my ticket
to popularity.

He was your ticket
to trouble.

You’ll be much better off
on your own.

I don’t feel good.

I think I’ll
be sick tomorrow.

Hey, Jonathan,
come on now.

For a guy
in junior high school,

that’s
a major copout.

You’re right.

Mom, I want to go
back to sixth grade.

Well, Jonathan...

if that’s
what you want,

you got it.

What?

See, this is where
I do some changing.

There’s no pressure.

You can go back
to sixth grade.

if that’s what you want.

It’s totally
up to you.

Is this some
kind of trick?

Your mother’s
on the level.

Then I’m going back
to my old school.

Well, everything was fine,

up to the "totally
up to you" part.

Yeah.

Well, I think I’m going
to turn in, okay?

Yeah, I think
I will too.

Gosh, it has
been a long day.

Tony...

I don’t know.

I just...

I just don’t know
if I did the right thing.

It’s a very big decision
to leave to an 11-year-old.

Yeah, well, Angela, look,
you did the best you could.

I mean, hey,
raising a kid

is a high-risk activity.

Would you have done
what I did?

Well, I don’t know.
It’s a judgment call.

I mean, it’s like when you
buy a new car, you know?

You get a manual,
you know what I mean?

With a kid, you’re on your own.
You can’t even trade them in.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Tony.

Hey, champ.

What are you
doing up?

I was waiting
for you

to tell me to go to
junior high tomorrow.

Jonathan, I am not
going to do that.

Don’t you care
about me anymore?

Of course I do.

It’s just that
you’re growing up.

You’ve got
to start making
your own decisions.

Boy, this is
a tough one.

If I go back
to sixth grade,

it’ll be
a lot easier.

But if
I stay in seventh,

I’ll get to
chop up a frog.

I don’t know
what to do.

ANGELA:
Jonathan?

Yeah, Mom?

Chop up a frog.

Really?

Thanks, Mom.

Good night, Tony.

Good night, pal.

Ah...

Oh, h*, h*, h*!

You did real good
there, Mom.

And, hey,
without a manual.

You really think so?

Yeah, I do.

You know what else
I want to say?

I meant
everything I said

in that principal’s
office today.

Oh, Tony.

And I did too.

Because you know,

I love snapping
brassieres.

Oh!

♪ You got to fight
For your right ♪

♪ To party ♪

[MONA LAUGHS]

You’re playing my song, Sam.

You’re going
to stop the show

at that rock
concert tonight.

I think it’s great

that Tony is
letting her go.

I have respect parents who
give children some freedom.

And a seat next to him.

Come on, Dad.
We’re going to be late.

Could you believe this?

I’m going to a concert
with my father?

Is there anything
more humiliating?

[YELLING]

Come on.
I’ll see you.

[♪♪]