04x08 - Hell on Wheels

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and
A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is
Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

Okay, okay. Car's all loaded
with kids and food.

Hey, anybody see that big loaf
of french bread?

Uh-oh.

The whole loaf?

I'm carbing up.

I wanted to be at my peak
for the race.

They are going to have to roll
you over the finish line.

Yeah, come on. Angela, don't
take this stuff seriously.

There's no pressure to win,

although I've never lost.

Tony, if you want to pick
another partner,

I won't be insulted.

Mona--

Tony!

No, no. Just kidding.

Hey, how we supposed
to win this race

if I can't
pull your leg?

It's just you're
a first-rate athlete.

I'm just not sure these legs

are good enough
to run alongside your legs.

Hey, no way.
Those legs are great.

Thank you.

And the gams do not fall
far from the tree.

All right. All right. Come on.

Assume the three-legged stance.
Ready?

On your mark,
get set, go!

Come on, go!
Come on, go!

I hope we're faster
than that.

I'm sorry.

I'm-- I'm so sorry.

For the 83rd time,
it is no big deal.

It is just a sprain,

and sprains
are a part of sports.

I just never should have stopped
to pull up my sock.

You stopped
for a sock?

It was all bunchy.

I wouldn't have fallen
if you hadn't tried

to drag me
across the finish line.

It was only 10 feet away, and
the Barofskys were closing in.

You would've won, if Angela
hadn't grabbed your other leg.

I didn't think an ankle
could bend that far back.

Neither did I.

Do we have
to rehash this?

All right.
Let's forget about the race

and the fact that we lost out
on a great trophy.

Yeah, but look
at the bright side.

Just think how happy
you made the Barofskys.

[GROANS]

You'll win next year.

Yeah, if you dump my mom.

Ah, look, hey.
Let's forget the race.

I'm gonna make us all
a very nice dinner.

No-- Tony, remember
doctor's orders.

You're supposed
to take it easy.

Besides, I'd love
to make dinner.

Angela, one disaster
a day is enough.

You kidding me?

I would love to cook.
What would you like?

Just make it easy,
beans and franks.

Oh, that sounds great.

I like that down-home food.

You kidding me?
Beans and franks.

I don't open dinner,
I cook it.

You kidding me?

We're gonna have
veal parmigiana.

Thank God.

Here comes
the hobbling gourmet.

Okay...

Okay, let's see...

Tomatoes.

Need some tomatoes.

Ow!

Good idea,
that's a good idea.

[GRUNTS]

Maybe I should help Tony.

Oh, Angela, you know how
independent he is.

Let him stand
on his own two feet.

Nope. I'm gonna
give him a hand.

TONY:
Angela!

[TONY CRASHES]

I'm sorry.

This time
I'm really sorry.

Angela, it's no big deal.

Losing the use
of both your legs

is just a part of sports.

Well, I'm going
to take care of you.

Right.
Watch out for the couch.

Good save. Ow!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Please, Angela.

Let me wheel myself.

I'm running
out of limbs.

Can you believe it?

A hairline fracture
on one foot

three hours after
spraining the other.

What are
the odds on that?

About a million to one,
but I had help.

Wow! A wheelchair! Cool!

Ooh, nice set
of wheels, big boy.

Yeah? What do you say, mama?

Let's cruise the main drag.

You know I'm a pushover
for a guy in a convertible.

Or a four-door...

Or a compact.

Or a skateboard.

You know, Tony,
that's a great cast,

but what if a pregnant ant
crawls up there,

lays eggs,
and has babies?

Jonathan, how do you
think of these things?

Wait a minute. There was one
in my sock from the picnic!

Sweetheart, run along and play
with your crustaceans.

I think I'm going
to spray for ants.

Dad, Dad, I just remembered.
You're gonna miss

parents' night at my school.

That means you won't hear

what my teachers
have to say about me.

What do you mean?
Doesn't your school have a ramp?

[SCOFFS]
Yeah, but the way
you're going,

you'd end up
in a body cast.

I could tell you exactly
what my teachers would've said.

Mr. Black: "Hard worker."

Um...Mrs. Hopkins:
"Outstanding penmanship."

Miss Wainwright:

"She's a charmin' child,
bright as a lightnin' bug."

You forgot one, you know.
Mr. Micelli:

"I'm gonna be there if
I have to hire a piano mover."

Tony, you're supposed
to follow doctor's orders

and cool it for a week.
The only job you have

it to take care
of your foot.

Feet.

And I'm gonna call somebody

to take care of the house
and look after you.

A stranger in my house?
No dice.

Then there's only one solution.
Things are light at work--

Great idea! I'll take
a leave of absence.

Oh, no, you're not
staying home with Tony.

I don't want
to stay home with Tony.

I want a week
in Atlantic City.

Well,
that is not possible.

You're going to have to
cover for me

at work while I stay with Tony.

Double no dice.

You already have a job.

There's nothing
I can't handle from home.

You have to learn to let people
help you with things.

Well, I'm sorry, Angela.
But that's not my style.

I'll have you know
when I was in school,

I had two jobs,
baseball practice,

and I was dating
the Benedetti twins.

Let me tell you,
they were enough by themselves.

I didn't
ask for help then,

and I'm not asking for help now.

So if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go take a shower.

Help me.

Tony!

Tony, your comparison shopper
is home.

Tony?

To-- Where are you?

Oh...

You're all wet.

Holy mackerel.
You're right!

What happened to you?

The sprinklers, Angela.
The sprinklers.

I wheeled out to the sidewalk
to get the paper.

And on my way back,
you know what I heard?

I heard that water
rushing through those pipes.

The next thing I knew those
little nozzle heads popped up.

I started wheeling
for my life,

but I knew it was too late.

I was caught in a vicious
circle of water pellets.

[LAUGHING]
You've got to be
more careful.

You don't know
how to maneuver this thing.

Says you. Stand back.

[GASPS]

Huh?

This is called a wheelie,
huh?

And then I...

[GASPS]

I get a little comfortable,
eh, you know.

And then I go...

[YELPS]

...how low can I go?

Whoa! Whoa!

Well, you just keep
popping your wheelies.

I guess you're not interested
in what I got at the market.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What-What did you get?

[LAUGHS]

I thought
you weren't interested.

Of course I'm interest--

Are those, uh--
Are those paper bags?

I asked you to get
plastic bags.

But-- But never mind.
Did you get the tomatoes?

Of course.

Okay. Good.

Tomatoes.

These are not vine-ripened.

But they're red.

Uh...how about
these peaches?

Nice, huh?

Overripe. Overripe.
But, uh, hey--

Hey, they'll be fine, you know.

As long as we eat them
within the hour.

Corn flakes.

Oh, Angela,
I asked you to get the one

with the pieces
of dehydrated fruit.

And the little toy inside?

All right, Angela.
I'll eat the flakes plain.

I'll probably like 'em better.

Tony.

Just out of curiosity,

did I do anything right?

I'm sure the expiration date
on the milk is good, you know.

As long as we have it
with the peaches.

Bower Agency.

Hi, Mother, how's it going?

Oh, swamped with work.

[CLACKING]

So much to do,
so little time.

So, what's up?
How's Tony?

I'll tell you
how Tony is...

He's nitpicky and obsessive

and impossible to please.

Oh, you mean like you?

No, he's much worse.

Mother, I'm about at the end
of my tether.

Angela, you're giving up
too fast.

Now, what is it you
always tell me at work?

Stop talking on the phone?

Exactly. Got to go.

Tony...

I've thought about it,
and I've decided...

I-- I think we should

just make today a day
free of conflicts...

And anxiety.

I think that we
should just...

have a real...fun day.

What?

I-is something wrong?

Is it the way
I arranged the pillows?

Oh, no, I like
the way you did it...

The new way.

A different way...
But a good way.

Score one for Angela!

Tony, why are you
folding the laundry?

You've got to rest
while your bones are mending.

I'll get to it.

Oh, sorry.

Fold away, Angela.

All right. Okay. Whoo!

[LAUGHS]

Um, you know, this
is the first weekday

that, uh...

we've ever been alone
in the house together.

It's kind of, uh--
It's kind of nice, huh?

What?

Is something wrong?

You would have
no way of knowing this,

but my dresser drawer
goes like this,

not like that.

Yes?

Well, the way
you're folding them,

I'm only going to get
five rows across,

and I have to get six.

Otherwise,
the extra ones

squibble down
into my sock drawer.

We wouldn't want that
to happen, would we?

No. No, we wouldn't.

What we would want
is some appreciation

when we are trying
to help someone.

Well, I do
appreciate you, Angela.

You would realize there's more
than one way to do something.

Yeah, there's the right way,

and then there's your way.

Do you know
what you are?

You are an ingrate.

Well, excuse me
for being such a burden.

I mean, hey,
I didn't ask for your help.

And had you not choked
in the three-legged race,

I would not be confined
to this chair today.

Well, before
the telethon starts,

let me leave you
to your tomatoes,

your peaches,
your plastic bags,

and your six rows
of underwear.

She forgot the pillows.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, who's the babe?

The babe happens
to own the place.

Hey, wait a minute.

The redhead said
she owned the place.

Mother,
what are you doing?

The tango.

No--

Mother, I mean why is a party
raging in my office?

What if a client
walked in?

They already have.
I invited them.

It's called networking.

Terrific party, Angela.
Great idea.

[CHUCKLES]
Well, thank you, Diane.
We like to whoop it up

at the Bower Agency.

[WHOOPS]

Mother...

I need to talk to you.

Angela, you're ruining
my social life.

What is it?

Tony and I had a fight.

I walked out on him.
I hired a practical nurse,

but I still feel terrible.

Angela,
don't you understand?

It's hard for
a take-charge guy like Tony

to depend on someone else.

Now you go back home
and help him.

He acts as though
he doesn't even need me.

He does.
He just doesn't know it yet.

Angela, go.
It'll be good for you,

good for him,

and great for my party.

Stop this.

No, I don't want to dance.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh. Uh-oh.

♪ Rollin'
Rollin', rollin' ♪

♪ Keep them dogies rollin' ♪

♪ Rawhide ♪

Mr. Micelli?

That's me.

My name's Doreen.
I'm a practical nurse.

Mrs. Bower called our agency.

and asked that someone
be sent right over.

Oh, well, gee,
thanks for coming over,

but Mrs. Bower made a mistake.
I don't need any help.

Oh, no!

W-w-wait a minute.
Is it something I said?

[CRYING]
It's my first day
as a nurse,

and I'm a failure...

A washout.

Oh...

No, no, don't say that.

Look, come in.

Okay.

Uh, look, I don't know
what's with me today.

I'm not relating well
with women, you know?

Would you like
to sit down?

Yeah, okay, yeah.

So, uh, you say
it's your first day?

You see,
I got into nursing

because I flunked out
of beauty school.

I mean,
how am I supposed to remember

all the different shades
of nail polish?

It's a lot of pressure.

Um, well, hey,

don't you worry
about a thing,

because we're gonna launch
your career with a bang.

Go ahead. I'm all yours.
Nurse your brains out.

You really mean it?

Sure.

I'll tell you what,
why don't you start

by folding up this laundry?

Okay.

How's that?

It's perfect.

That's good.
That's real nice.

Oh, Tony.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]
I'm so sorry
about the dishwasher.

Don't worry about it, Doreen.
We'll get a new one.

Okay, so, what should I
work on next?

Um...how about sitting?

Eh? Come on,
you could use a rest.

We both could.

Yeah...how's this?

You're a natural.

[LAUGHS]
I'll tell you what.

I'll be right back, okay?

Okay.

Now, you stay
where you are.

I will.

Okay. Good girl. Stay.

Okay.

I can't believe this.

Oh!

Oh, Angela!
Angela, I'm so happy to see you.

You are?

Oh, yeah.

I am sorry I'm so picky
about produce.

And I'm sorry I'm such
an underachiever in underwear.

You know, Tony, I didn't realize
it would be this hard for you.

Listen, listen.

Tony, I'm done sitting

and ready to take care of you.

Oh, hello. You must be
the practical nurse.

That's me, Doreen.
I do it all.

I can imagine.

No, you can't.

You must be Mrs. Bower.

Yes.

Oh, I want to thank you
so much for hiring me.

Tony is an absolute doll
to work for.

An absolute doll.

Yes, that's our Tony.

Uh, why are
the pillows this way?

Oh, well, I knocked them over
and put them back.

Why? I-is it wrong?

Doreen, what are you
worried about? Just pillows.

Doesn't make any difference.
Heh-heh.

It doesn't.

Mr. Laid-Back.

Yeah,
he's a regular Perry Como.

Oh, uh, Mrs. Bower,
I would like to explain

to you
about the dishwasher.

Oh, no, Doreen, please,

allow me to explain
about the dishwasher.

Why don't you go
back in the kitchen?

Can do.

Okay.

Oh, Tony, don't forget,



Looking forward to it.

Angela, help me.

You have all the help
you need with her.

No, but I don't want her.
I want you.

Well, I mean,
I want you to help me.

You do?

Yes, Angela.

You have no idea
what it's been like.

This girl's not a nurse,
she's a walking disaster area.

She breaks dishes,
she breaks dishwashers.

At 5:00, I'm going to end up
getting a lethal sponge bath.

I think it's terrific,
Doreen.

No, I'm really happy
for you.

I think it's a wonderful
career choice.

Yeah. Good luck
in dental school.

Aah!

Okay, okay, goodbye.

[SIGHS]

Wait a minute,
I shouldn't worry.

By the time
she's through school,

I won't have any teeth.

Um, I have a surprise
for you.

I-I went to the market
again this morning.

Uh, peaches.

Feel.

Ooh, Angela.
Fuzzy but firm.

Tomatoes.

Oh.

Vine-ripened.
I'm getting misty here.

And they all came in a...

Plastic bag!

Hey Angela,
you're one hell of a shopper.

[GASPS]

Hey!

Well, I studied
under the master.

Hey, hey!

And now,
here's your sandwich.

Ooh!

You mind if we take this
into the living room?

I have something
to show you.

No, of course not.

Would you do the honors?

I'd be delighted.

Thank you.

Oh!

Ha, ha!

Oh.

Tony...

You did the pillows my way.

[CHUCKLES]
Well, this place could use
a little change, huh?

And now...

May I?

Please.

This is delicious.

You-- You mean it?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
It-- It's perfection,

the way you blended
the tuna and the mayo,

smooth, but not gloppy.

And those little--
Those little...

[SMACKS LIPS]
...chunks of onion and celery,

the size of BB pellets. Oh!

This is not a sandwich,
it's a work of art.

[LAUGHS]
You want me to sign it?

Sam, how are they going
to get Tony's cast off?

With a power saw.

Well, how do they know
when to stop?

What if he hits a vein?

What if it
starts gushing?

What if it squirts all over?

What if I blindfold you

and put you on the subway?

And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the new,
improved Tony Micelli,

with an extended warranty.

It's a miracle.

I can walk, I can run,
I can jump--

Ow!

Oh, no!

What happened--

Suckers!

[♪♪♪]