04x15 - Steady As She Goes

[bunniefuu]

♪ There’s a time for love
And a time for livin’ ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and
A road that’s hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There’s a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is
Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

Hey, Henry,
it’s me, Tony.

I’m bringing the whole crew
down for dinner tonight,

five hungry hombres
ready to chow down

on your Peking duck.

Make a lot,
’cause Sam’s coming.

And don’t forget,
no chopsticks for Angela.

Still on the ceiling,
huh?

Yeah, okay, Henry,
I’ll see you later.

Keep on "wokking."

It wasn’t my fault.

Their ceiling is low.

Yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure.

Hey, Jonathan, are
you going to order
octopus again?

Yeah. It’s great
when they squeeze
that little pouch,

and the ink squirts
all over the rice.

It looks like
black spit.

Anyone for Italian?

h*!

Oh, Monska!

Ooh, hey!
All decked out

for Henry’s
Peking duck, huh?

No, for Henry.

He slips the cutest
little fortunes
into my cookies.

Hi, guys.
Got to change.

You don’t have to.

We’re going to
the Shanghai Nosherie.

It’s totally casual.

I can’t make it.
Jesse and I have plans.

Come on, Jesse again?

You’re spending
every spare minute
with that kid.

You even canceled
the Ranger game with me.

Dad, don’t worry,
I’ll spend time
with you tomorrow.

Oh, no, can’t tomorrow.
How about Sunday?

Oops, no, not then either.

Ah, we’ll keep in touch.

Yeah, I’ll have my people
call your people.

Come on, Sam.
What are you, kidding me?

I hardly see you anymore.
I miss you. We all do.

I don’t.

Sweetheart, it’s good to be
honest about your feelings,

but we don’t want
to hear them.

Dad, come on.
This is important.

We’re going
to the observatory.

Saturn aligns
with Antares tonight.

That happens once
every hundred years.

Can’t you catch it
next time?

Dad!
All right, all right.

I hope you
and your planets
will be happy.

Great. Come on,
help pick an outfit

that’ll look great
in the dark.

You’ll run rings
around Saturn.

Hmm.

Gee whiz, Mona.

This relationship
is serious.

She never turned down
Peking duck before.

Congratulations,
Tony.

You’re
the proud father

of a perfectly
normal teenage
girl.

Let me tell you,
it’s m*rder.

It’s m*rder, I tell you.

How did you
ever get through
these years with Angela?

Easy. I sent
her to school
in Switzerland.

All right.
What’s the scoop?

How did you know?

I knew you wouldn’t ask
for fashion advice.

Everything I wear matches.

This is really
important,

something only
a fellow woman
would understand.

You came
to the right fellow.

No person over 15
has ever heard this.

Jesse asked me
to go steady.

Oh!

Oh, that’s so wonderful.

I’m so happy for you.

I just love Jesse.
He’s so cute and smart.

He has a real
social conscience.

We had to walk out
on Snow White

because of its degrading
portrayal of dwarfs.

Don’t tell him
I saw it seven times.

I don’t know.
It’s weird.

I always pictured myself

with the captain
of the football team.

How did I fall
for someone with depth?

Well, that’s often
the way it is.

The guy you fall
in love with

isn’t anything
like the guy
you fantasize about.

You had a dream man?

As a kid, it was
the Good Humor man.

There’s something
about a guy
with a change belt.

I kind of had eyes for
the warm pretzel man.

When I got older,

I had this
romantic vision
of an investment banker.

He was very
Brooks Brothers--

Blue pinstripe suit,
vest, club tie...

white sweatshirt--
I mean, a white...

a white dress shirt.

Sam, did you
cop my Rangers
jacket again?

Yeah. Sorry, Dad.
Here it is.

I hope you don’t mind
Chanel number 5.

No. No. It will
go good with my Brut.

Is everything okay
up here?

I thought I heard
a squeal.

It was me.

I thought I saw a mouse,

but it was
Sam’s bunny slippers.

I told you a million times,

when you’re not
wearing them,
lock them up.

Well, look,
let’s go

’cause
my egg drop soup
is getting cold.

When are you going
to break the news

to Mr. Chanel
Number 5?

That’s what I wanted
to ask you about.

What do I say?
What’s he going to say?

Where do I hide?

He’ll be fine.

Just be
direct and honest.

I know.
I’ll tell him...

maybe the next time
Saturn aligns with Antares.

Sam, don’t underestimate
your father.

He loves you,

and he wants only
the best for you.

He still thinks of me
as a little girl.

He thinks
milk and cupcakes
make me happy.

Works for me.

Sam, listen,
your father may
surprise you, you know.

People learn.
People grow.
People change.

People explode.

Hey, what is
the holdup?

My grandson is hungry.

No, I’m not.

If I say you’re hungry,
you’re hungry.

Hey, what’s
the holdup?

They’re
doing girl things.

I didn’t want
to rush them.

Well, I’ll give them
a little hint.

Thanks. I’m sorry.

Angela, get your butt
down here!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I got it. I got it.

Oh, hey, Jesse.

How are you doing?

What’s new
in the produce biz?

Rough day.
The Henderson kids
got loose again.

They put McIntosh
with Delicious,

Winesaps
with Pippins.
An apple nightmare.

Oh, I saw the movie.

What have you got?

Something for Sam
and something for you.

Ah, Jesse,
you shouldn’t have.

They’re beautiful.

They’re really you,
Tony.

Sam’s going to love
that melon too.

I’ll take that.

Jonathan, come on.

We’re hungry.

So did Sam tell you
about our plans?

Yeah, sure.

And?

At first,
I was upset.

I’m going
to miss her,

but it’s
more duck for me.

Well, I guess
that’s one way
of looking at it.

Hi, Jesse.

Hi, Sam.

These are for you.

Thank you.

Well, we better
get going.

Bye, Tony. Thanks for being
understanding about things.

Things? What things?

Well, about us.

You talked to him
about us?

He said
it was cool.

He said it was
more duck for him.

He’s so colorful.

Duck? I don’t think

we’re talking about
going steady here.

Going steady?
Going steady?

Who said anything
about going steady?

He did.
I did?

You didn’t?
No.

I said we should have

a mutually exclusive
paired relationship.

A what?
A what?

Where did you
get that from?

New York Times magazine,
the "About Men" column.

You should’ve read
"About Sam,"

’cause I want
to go steady.

No.

But that’s
so conventional.

I don’t see it
that way.

Let’s get the opinion

of an impartial
third party.

My dad, impartial?
He’s been turned down

for jury duty
eight times.

Tony, we need
some advice.

Don’t go steady.

JESSE: That’s exactly what
I’m saying.

Who needs those labels?

Yeah, Sam. Those labels,
they’re so yesterday.

You know, Jesse,

you are wise
beyond your years.

Dad, you’re pushing
it beyond belief.

Jesse, what’s wrong
with going steady?

That goes against
my philosophy.

Mine too.
We should have

a mutually exclusive
paired relationship.

Absolutely.
What is that?

A psycho-spiritual
interfacing

of goals and values.

In English.

We only
hang out together.

Isn’t that the same thing
as going steady?

Yeah!

I never thought
of it that way.

Sam, if it
makes you happy,

let’s just go steady.

Oh, Jesse,
that was beautiful.

I accept.

Thank you, Dad.

Thanks a lot, Tony.

You’re wise
beyond your years.

Ugh.

If we’re going steady,
I’ll need a ring.

How about my
Save the Whales pin?

Close enough.

[DOOR CLOSES]
I was doing fine

until that
interfacing stuff.

Ooh.

Sam, everybody at school
is talking about you and Jesse.

It’s only the romance
of the century.

That’s how we see it.

So did your dad freak out when
he heard you’re going steady?

Are you kidding?
It was practically his idea.

He is so cool.

I’d love to have him
for a father...

if I couldn’t have
Billy Joel.

Of course, if Billy Joel
were my father,

Christie Brinkley
would be my mother

and I’d be beautiful,
so I wouldn’t have problems.

Bonnie, let’s get back
to reality here.

I figured Jesse and I will have

a combination high school
graduation/June wedding.

Dad’ll cater,
this way we’ll save money

for the honeymoon
in Tahiti.

Tahiti?
Wait, it gets better.

We’ll both go to the same
university,

one with high
academic standards

and a salad bar
in the cafeteria.

And, of course, there has to be
a day care center

for Jason and Jennifer.

Who are they?

The twins.

You don’t expect us
to take them to class, do you?

I guess not.

Oh, Sam,
I’m so jealous.

I know.
It’s a wonderful life.

How does this sound?
Samantha Micelli Nash.

Too long.

Sam Nash?

Sounds like
a private eye.

How about this one?

Samantha Nash-Micelli
with a hyphen?

Ooh, good.

Ethnic and yuppie.

You know, it’s kind of long.

I hope it fits on our gold
American Express card.

So after Jason and Jennifer,

are you going
to have more kids?

Lots. It makes Christmas
more fun.

And, anyway, we’re going
to need a big family

to help work
on the organic farm.

Farm?
Yeah.

Jesse wants to live
close to nature.

But don’t worry, we’re going
to have a condo in the city,

because I want to live
close to Bergdorf’s.

♪ Sam and Jesse
Sitting in a tree ♪

♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪

Of course, we could
rent kids for Christmas.

First comes love,
then comes marriage,

then comes Sam
with a baby carriage.

Keep it up, and
you’ll miss my wedding.

Oh, you’re
breaking
my heart.

Well...

kissy kissy.

So, what do you
want to do now?

Tie Jonathan
to an ant hill

and pour syrup
on him.

After that.

Let’s go to the mall.

I’ll pick
a China pattern

and get a corn dog.

Where are you
off to?

We’re going to
check out flatware.

See you.

Flatware?

It must be
a new group.

Tony, you are
one tough trainer,

but I love
that feeling

when you’ve
pushed yourself
to the limit.

It gives you a real
sense of accomplishment.

Maybe next time you’ll
go the whole block.

Hey, don’t push it, bub.

At least I got
jogging partners

now that Samantha
doesn’t have time
for her old man.

She’s not spending
all her time with Jesse.

She’s spending time
with Bonnie,

she’s hanging out
at the mall.

And reading
New Bride Magazine?

Look at this.

"Ten tips for a happy
honeymoon."

And it’s dog-eared.

I can’t believe
this is happening.

All little girls
fantasize like this.

But that doesn’t
make it right.

If you’re this upset,

why don’t you
talk to her?

I feel funny
talking to her
about bride things.

Want me to do it?

No!

Tony, this isn’t at all
what you think.

This is very innocent. Listen.

"Make travel plans early.

"Never hang your panty hose
on the shower rod.

Always go to bed
with a smile."

The trick is
how to wake up
with a smile.

Would you go home?

Go home. Go home.
Would you go home?

Maybe I’m not
meant to be

the parent
of a teenager.

You’re doing just fine.

It’s like
a runaway train.

The brakes are shot.

Why does she have
to go steady?

She could
look around,

see other guys,
stay home.

These are difficult years,

but you should be glad

Sam’s going with
a guy like Jesse.

He’s still a guy.

He’s not a guy
like Brian James.

Who’s he?

A quarterback
at Sam’s school.

Suffice it to say

when he yells, "touchdown,"
he’s not talking football.

When did you start
keeping stats

on high school jocks?

Sam mentioned it
when we talked
about going steady.

Oh, she, uh...
she talked to you
about going steady?

When?

Right before she...

told you.

Oh, Tony,
don’t be upset.

Come on.

You’re a wonderful
father.

You are, but you
just can’t be

everything
to your daughter.

Sometimes
she just needs
a woman to talk to.

Well, what’s wrong
with me?

Wait, Sam. Don’t go in yet.
I want to show you something.

What?
Have a seat.

Know what
this means?

You like hopping
on benches?

That’s pretty
literal, Sam.

My spirit is uplifted.

A certain buoyancy
has permeated my being.

You mean you’re happy?

You really
cut through it, Sam.

Well, happy anniversary.

We’ve been
going steady
for 19 hours.

And they said
it wouldn’t last.

I had my doubts
about this steady thing.

I thought I’d feel
trapped and labeled,

but I don’t.

I feel free
and alive.

Don’t you?

Yeah.

Do I detect a note
of bummed-out here?

I don’t know.

Something’s missing.

Since we’ve
been dating,

things have changed.

I know
what it is.

We’ve fused.

You’ve lost
your sense of self.

You’ve become
a mere shell of a person,

an empty vacuum
of nothingness.

No, I don’t think
that’s it.

I didn’t think so.

Well, is it me, Sam?

Do I have
annoying habits?

A few.

But I don’t think
that’s it, either.

Well, is there
another guy?

No.

Of course
there isn’t.

I mean...
when would
you have time?

We spend almost
every moment together.

That’s it.

That’s
what’s bothering me.

Spending time
together?

No, Jesse.

There is
another guy.

Hi, Dad.

Got a minute?

Yeah. I got
the dust ba*ls cornered.

What’s up?

I wanted to talk
about Jesse and me.

Have a seat.

Anything wrong?

No.

Well, he did want

his Save the Whales
pin back,

but he gave me his
Amnesty International
tie clip.

But everything’s fine.

Good. Good.

So you want
to borrow a necktie?

Dad,
this "going steady"

is a really big deal
for me,

and it’s great,

but I don’t know...

something’s missing.

Like seeing
your other friends

or other guys?

No.

You.

I never got
to talk to you
about it.

I raced by you
on that.

I know.

I still have
tire marks
on my face.

Dad, you and I
have been together

for a long time.

You’ve always
been there

for the major
moments.

Hey, that’s my job.

Do you remember
when I was
in the school play?

I forgot a line,
and everybody
started laughing.

You threatened
to beat up

every member
of the audience...

individually.

That was so sweet.

Hey, but you would have got
that standing ovation anyway.

I really like
growing up

and being independent

and making
my own decisions.

Yeah?

Do I hear
a "but" in there?

It’s kind of a "but."

I guess I just
miss knowing

that you’re out there
in the audience.

Honey, I’m still there.

I just don’t have
those good seats anymore.

I’m sitting
in the back.

So from where
you’re sitting,

how does this
"going steady"
thing look?

Sam, it’s too late
to talk about it.

Better late
than never.

Dad, I really want
your opinion on this.

If you don’t want me
to go steady with Jesse,

I won’t, but you’ll
break our hearts.

Well, as long as
there’s no pressure.

Ah.

So you want
my honest opinion, right?

Right.

I don’t want you to.

Do I hear
a "but" in there?

You’re getting good,
Sam.

See, the "but"
is that, uh...

even though
I’m not wild
about the idea,

it’s not my decision.

Good.

Of course,
I’d be happier
if you were happier.

Oh, well,
I’m happy enough.

If you got
to go steady,

I’m glad
it’s with Jesse.

I can’t think
of a better
steady-in-law.

Thanks, Dad.

You’re better
than Billy Joel.

Thanks, honey.

I love you
just the way you are.

Dad, is it okay
if I go out tonight?

Yeah, I guess, sure.
You’re a free agent.

Well, almost.

Good.

Would you like
to take

an almost free agent
out for Peking duck?

Just me and you?

You got it.

I’ll have
the prettiest girl
in town.

Come on, now.

Let’s go chow.

We’ll see
if Angela’s food

is still
on the ceiling.

You know, with Sam getting
so interested in astronomy,

I might buy her a telescope
for her birthday.

Make that two.

There’s
a hunky widower
down the street

with a broken
window shade.

Oh...oh...

my favorite family
all together, huh?

Where’s my favorite
daughter?

Come on, everybody.

I want to show you

what I learned
at the observatory.

The sky
is so beautiful.

There’s a jillion stars out.

If I would’ve
had my druthers,

I would have been
an astronomer.

Or maybe an astronaut.

Or maybe ALF.

Do we have to go now?
Grandma’s on the ropes.

Gin.

Let’s see
those stars.

Wait a minute.

You sat in the dark
with Jesse

and just looked
at stars?

Yeah, Mona.
That’s my girl.

I love
stargazing.

Makes you
realize we’re
just a speck of dust

on the head
of a pin

in the pincushion
of the universe.

Yeah, that’s funny,
because I always think of us

as a stitch
on the baseball

in the big guy’s
glove.

There’s
the Big Dipper.

JONATHAN:
You know, it’s amazing.

This is the same sky

that the cave men
looked at.

Yeah, and the people
in the ’50s.

It looks like
a diamond tiara.

It looks like a giant
connect-the-dot puzzle.

It looks like
Rockefeller Center
at Christmas.

Oh, I love
this galaxy.

[♪♪]