05x10 - Mrs. Rossini's Uncle

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ i found a trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Hey, mona. What's new
to the world?

Violence,
violence, violence.

Beetle bailey got punched out
by the sarge again.

Tony: oh.

Why does that man
keep re-enlisting, huh?

Hey. Hey, how about some
nice sunday brunch?

We got eggs.
We got muffins.

We got juices.

[Doorbell rings]

We got mrs. Rossini
an hour early.

[Ringing continues]

Angela: I got it.

It's gotten.

Mrs. Rossini!

Tony! Oh!

Oh, you look so good.

Oh, not
the cheeks! Ohh!

And angela!

Oh, mrs. Rossini,
it's so nice to see you.

Come in, alphonse.
Don't be strange.

What's up?

Tony. Angela.
This is alphonse.

Well, it's nice to
meet you, alphonse.

Al.

Oh, it's nice
meeting you, al.

Yeah.

I heard a lot of nice
things about you.

Cool.

Does he ever string together
more than one syllable?

Yes.

Come on in. Come on,
sit down.

So, so, uh, how do you
two know each other?

Oh, we're family.

Actually, al is
mrs. Rossini's uncle.

Yeah, well mrs. Rossini's great
uncle got married late,

And al's mother
got married early. And...

Then came al.
Hey.

Well, actually, al came
before the wedding.

Actually, I was
at the wedding.

Mrs. Rossini:
anyway...

Uh...al's out here
going to college.

That's great. That's great.
Angela: h*! Nice.

Where you going, norwalk?
Fairfield? Where?

American beauty college.

It's accredited.

Well, hey,
it's a good school.

Uh, I've seen their ads
on the backs of buses.

So, what made you decide
to go to beauty school?

Beauty college.

Well, it was either that
or juvenile hall.

And the judge--

Alphonse, come here.
Be a doll and, uh,

Bring in that nice
package of mackerel

We brought for tony

And, uh,
take your time.

Hey, real subtle.

Hey, she's just
going to tell you

About the car radios
they found on me.

Car radios?

He's a teenager.
He likes music.

Look, tony,
he's a good kid

He fell in
with a bad crowd.

He really needs someone
to show him the right way.

That's why I brought
him up here.

If you can just spend
a little time with him,

You know, maybe--maybe help him
find an after-school job.

Oh, gee,
mrs. Rossini i--

Tony, he reminds
me a lot of you.

Remember when you
were sent to juvenile hall

For taking
that garbage truck
on a joyride?

Yeah, we took it down
to fort lauderdale
for spring break.

We didn't do
so good that year.

Look. You went
through a phase.

Al's going
through a phase.

You turned out to be
a fine young man.

So will al...

With your help.

All right, mrs. Rossini

I guess I could spend
some time with him, huh.

Oh, thank you,
tony.

I'll tell you
not many people

Living in a fancy-shmancy
neighborhood

Would help out a kid
like that.

Tony: hey, you know
what'll be a good idea.

I'll get him some--some
odd jobs around the house, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I mean, if it's okay
with you, angela.

Tony,
could I speak to you
for a minute, please?

Uh, sure. Sure.

Uh, talk among yourself,
mrs. Rossini.

Yeah?

Tony, as owner of this
fancy-smancy house--

Shmancy.

That's what I said.

No, dear.
You said smancy.

Okay.

As owner of
this fancy-smancy--

You did it again.

Shmancy, shmancy.

Okay, okay.

Anyway,
we have a very
expensive shtereo sys--

We have an expensive
stereo system,

We have my grandmother's
sterling--

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hey, angela.

What are you saying?

Well, tony, I'm as liberal
as the next guy,

But, uh, couldn't al hang out
at the next guy's house?

Oh, angela,
I am shocked.

I'm shocked, I mean,

Let's look past
the dirty fingernails

And the greasy hair and
the motorcycle jacket, huh?

I mean, let's look
to the boy

To the boy inside
a frightened kid
who hasn't had a chance.

I mean, if we don't have
that kind of generosity,

In our hearts,
then what do we have?

Home security?
Oh, angela.

Angela, you should be
more trusting.

I mean, it's not like
people right out there

Just itching to rip you off

Besides, I've already taken
all your valuables

Yeah, and besides,
look I'm not trying to pressure
you into anything over here

But I think this kid's okay.
He's a good kid.

And anyway, I can use
a little help
around this house.

Well, maybe you're right.

I guess maybe I'm being
a little cynical.

It's time to trust
and lend a helping hand.

Mother, keep this
at your house.

Looking good, al.

I know.

Except you, you know, you should
be using little circles.

It leaves less streaks.

Pardon me!

Mrs. Johnson: hi, tony.

Oh...hi, mrs. Johnson.
Happy jogging.

Yo, mama!

Why don't you put
some of that over here?

Uh, yeah, yeah, mrs. Johnson.
Bring your mother over anytime.

What's the matter with you?
That's one of our neighbors.

People around here they don't--
they don't respond
well to "yo, mama!"

How about "yo, baby"?

How about "yo, nothing"?

Hey, chill out, man. I was
just trying to be friendly.

Hey, nice bike.

Yeah.

Friend of mine at school
had one just like it.

Until it got confiscated
for ill*gal parking.

Al: yeah.

Where was it parked?

Girls' locker room.
And we were still on it.

[Both laugh]

No way! Get out of here.

Yeah, yeah, in fact it's
funny you say that.

Because hat's exactly what
the principal
mr. Archer said.

Principal archer?
You went to p.s. 86?

Yeah...
Class of '68. You?

Class of '87...
All right.

And '88.

Uh, hey, yeah,
let me show you

What I meant
by little circles, huh?

Yeah. Look,
take a little bit of this.

And a little circles.
Here we go.

Like that.
Less streaks. See?

So, tell me how was
your first week

At beauty college?

It was cool, you know.
I met the teachers.

I was issued
a hair dryer, you know,

Figured out how
to work those chairs.

Sounds like
a full week, huh?

You know, this beauty stuff
may not be so bad, you know.

You get to meet
a lot of chicks,

Get to play
with their heads.

Well, I mean meeting
chicks is cool,

But there's work
involved in it too

If you want to make
something of yourself.

Yeah, I got it covered,
you know.

I get a rich costumer,
have him bankroll me

And before you know it,
I have a chain of salons

And everybody will
be working for me

Yeah, you know what
you may have a future

But, you know, it's not
that going to be that easy

What? If it gets too hard,
our band will go

To a famous
broadcaster's school.

I got good diction.

Al, uh, you mind if I
give you a little lecture?

Yeah.
Listen,
you're growing up now.

And pretty soon
you have to decide

What you want to be
in life

And then you gonna have to go
after it like you mean it.

Well, that's it?

End of lecture.
You heard it before?

Yeah...but you
did it better than most.

Great, then, uh, we
understand each other?

Yeah.

Okay. Hey, uh, by the way.

Mrs. Rossini's
coming over for dinner.
You want to join us?

Hey, I'd like to, but I got
a test on follicles.

Oh, yeah.

Well, then you
better brush up, huh?

[Both laugh]

Al. Al, little circles.
Come on. Get to work.

It was like
the worst dance.
I ever entered.

Jason takes me to
his dad's country club,

And it turned out that
it's teen hoedown night.

Oh, no.
Oh, yes, it was the worst.

There were cardboard cows,
little haystacks,

And kids dressed up in plaid

Saying, "howdy, pardner"
and "yahoo!"

Gross!

Tell me.

Sam, who's the guy
waxing angela's car?

That's the guy my day's trying
to help out.
I think his name is al.

We're supposed
to be nice to him.

[Gasps]
hello, al!

Let's go
be nice to al.

You start.

No, you start.

Just say something.

What should I say?

How should I know?

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

You know,
you really should be
using little circles.

Well, what's the deal
with little circles?

Whoa...hi.

Hi.

Uh, little circles
keeps it from streaking.

You must be related
to tony, right?

[Chuckles]
yeah, I'm
his daughter, sam.

I'm al.
I'm bonnie.

My dad told me you'd
be helping out.

Yeah.
Ahem. Ahem!

[Clears throat]

Oh, this is my friend
bonnie.

She has to go home now and
take care of that cough.

But I feel fine.

No, you don't.

Remember-- bed rest,
and plenty of liquids,

And call me
in the morning.

Sweet kid.

So, hi.

Hi.

Nice hair.

Thanks.

You blow-dry?

Yeah.

Keep it on low
and use a diffuser.

Hey, it's my racket.

Thanks.
I'll remember that.

Is this your bike?

Yeah, you like it?

Oh, I love it.

Oh, you want to go
for a ride?

Really?

Yeah, I got
an extra helmet.

I don't know if I should.

My dad may not like it.

Oh, I guarantee,
he won't say a word.

How, do you know?

We won't tell them.

I won't go.

Mother.
No, you can't make me.

Look, I think you should
take this class.

It won't k*ll you,
it's only six weeks.

You'll learn typing,
shorthand,

And a lot of other
secretarial skills.

Oh, no.
You're not tricking me.

You learn that stuff
and before you know it,

People expect you
to do it.

♪ he ain't heavy ♪

♪ he's my brother ♪

♪ if I'm laden-- ♪

Hi, ladies.

Wow, you're in
good mood.

Why not,
I mean, it feels good

To help a fellow
human being

And, uh,
future beautician.

Well, I have to say
that I think he is fine.

I think al has doing
a wonderful job

He did a terrific
job on my car,

And my radio's
still in it.

It's nice to know
that some people around here
have ambition.

My, oh, my.

I am so deeply
ashamed of myself.

Tony:
you know--you know,

I think that kid's
okay. I think--

I think he just need a
push, in a right direction

And I'm just the guy
to give him a shove.

Hey!

Have you seen
al's harley?

Hey, nice bike, huh?

Yeah! Even sam
looks good on it.

Sam?

Hey, hey, hey!
[Wheels screech]

Oh, god.
This is terrible.

Yeah, he promised me
the first ride.

[Engine revs up]

Tony, they're back!

She's here. She's alive!
I'll k*ll her.

It's a false alarm.

It's just old mrs. Graham
starting up her chain saw.

Whatever happened
to mr. Graham?

Who cares
about mr. Graham?

My baby's out
on a motorcycle.

[Engine revs up]

Ohh...i think
your baby's

About to be
off a motorcycle.

She'll never
be on one again.

Hi.

Young lady,
don't you ever, ever,

I repeat, ever get
on a motorcycle again.

It's too dangerous,
and you're too young,
and that is it.

Okay, you're right.

Don't you even give--

You bet I'm right.

I'm--i'm sorry.
I should have known better.

Good. Good.

Dad, now I could see why
you wanted to help al out.

He's a really cool guy

And so different
from other guys around here.

We had
so much fun together.

Oh, by the way,
guess who's coming to dinner?

Who?
Al.

I talked him
into joining us.

Why couldn't it have been
sidney poitier?

All right.

Dad, do you like my hair
like this?

Oh, yeah.
It looks nice.

But it always
looks nice.

Well, see, al suggested that
I use my blow dryer on low

And use a diffuser.

A diffuser?

A diffuser?
What?

Aren't you
a little young

To be using
a diffuser?

Right dad, I don't know
what got into me.

What's a diffuser?

It's an attachment
to a hair dryer. Why?

Do you think I need one?

Well, maybe,
but that's not the point.

You know, I've been thinking.
I've been thinking.

You know, we could be
doing more for al. Yeah.

I think, I'm gonna get
him a job

Over at ernie's
hardware store.

Tony, that's
two towns away.

Uh, three.
But who's counting?

Uh, but this way,
he'll see more of connecticut,
you know.

Why should he
be confined

To fairfield area
and our house, you know?

And sam.

S-sam--samantha--
sam--sam?

Come on, angela
where--come on

Where do you get
these things?

I thought so.

Aren't you the one who said
we should give al

The benefit
of the doubt?

Yeah, yeah.

And aren't you the one who said
we should look beyond

The dirty fingernails
and motorcycle jacket?

Yeah, yeah.
I said that.

And what about,
♪ he's not heavy ♪

♪ he's my brother ♪
yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I sang, I sang. I know.

♪ if I'm laden ♪

Tony: all right, angela.

I get the point.

I'll--i'll try to keep
an open mind.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, sam.

Every time I see you,

You become
more and more a woman.

Tony: please, mrs. Rossini
she's not a woman yet.

Estelle getty--
now that's a woman.

Come in, come in.

Hi, tony.
Hi, sam.

Sam: hi.

Angela: hello, hello, hello.

Hello, angela.

I'd pinch,
but I'm holding cannolis.

Gee, what a shame.

Yeah, right.
Here, hold this.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I got you little something, uh,

Shampoo, mousse,
conditioner,

Body oil--
I'll take that.

Dry elbows.

Open mind.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Keep this.

Mona!

Don't even think
about it, sister.

Mo!

Al!
Gel?

Mousse.
Cool.

Totally. On.
Right.

Sit!

Oh, what
a cute couple.

I wish I had
a camera.

You know, I really had
a great time today.

Yeah, me, too.

You diffused it,
didn't you?

Well, kind of.

You know, have you thought
of an upsweep?

Well, uh, dinner's ready.
Uh, let's eat.

I didn't hear
the timer go off.

Ding!
You happy?

You know, this accentuates
your swanlike neck.

Tony, do you see, what I see?

Sparks, between those two.

You see sparks?

Hey, here's one
to chew on.

If your daughter

And my uncle

Tie the knot,

That would make me

Sam's niece!
[Laughs]

And your grandniece!

Ding! Ding!
Ding! Ding!

Dad, you know, al and I
aren't that hungry.

There's an 8:00 showing
of daddy's little girl.
at the cineplex.

Oh, go enjoy.
You're only young once.

Speak for yourself.

Tony: uh, uh, uh--

Dad, I'm way ahead
of you on this.

I'm driving.

ciao.

Oh, I wish I had a camera.

Would you stop it
with the camera, please.

I've got a polaroid.

You would!

Look, I don't want
no pictures

I don't want them dating,

And I don't want
to be your great-uncle.

Tony, what are you
worrying about

They just went
to a movie.
Don't worry.

Angela, how can you say
don't worry?

It's easy,
al is not that bad.

What do you mean,
"not that bad"?

I mean--i'm staying
out of this.

Look, mrs. Rossini,
I don't want my daughter

Dating that hood
with a hairbrush.

What are you saying?

Al isn't good enough for sam

Bingo!

Oh, thank god,
I don't have a camera

That take a picture of this

Mr. Big shot, hmm?

My uncle isn't good enough
for your daughter?

You forget where you came from
tony micelli.

You used to be al.

And now you just turned
into some suburban...

Snob?

Bingo!

[Timer dings]

Snob, snob, snob...
Here it is.

"Snob. One who despises
one's inferiors

"And whose condescension
arises,

From social
or intellectual pretension."

Pretension, pretension...

Hey? You think
I'm a snob?

You're darn right
you are.

Mother, snobbery's
not based on one action.

It's a certain attitude
toward some people.

In your case,
people from brooklyn.

Oh, hey, hey.
Oh, I love brooklyn.

I am brooklyn.

I didn't leave brooklyn
to get away from brooklyn.

I left brooklyn so my--
my daughter wouldn't have

To grow up with a rough crowd
that I grew up with.

So that she'd have some other
choices that I didn't have.

So sue me that
I want her to marry

A doctor or lawyer
or even a hairdresser

If he's a solid kind of guy,

Which by the way,
al may someday be.

But right now he isn't.

So, if that makes me a snob,
then I'm a snob.

Hey, I can live with that.

Well, if you can live
with my daughter

You can live
with anything.

Whew!

For a couple minutes there
I didn't like myself.

Hi.

Hey, back so soon?
Where's al?

He's in the washroom.

Samantha, uh...

We need to have a
serious talk about al.

Oh, yeah? What?

I don't want you going
out with him anymore.

Is that an order?

From the supreme
commander.

[Scoffs] is that so?

Yes, that's so.

Well, commander,
it's just lucky for you

That I don't want to go out
with al anymore.

You don't?
No.

He was such
a total embarrassment.

He was rude
to the ushers,

He threw popcorn,
at people in front of us

He talked back to the screen.

Oh? Oh, great. Great.

Then we don't have
any problem.

But if I did like al,

You and I would had
some fight tonight.

Oh, yeah? Oh yeah?

Well I bet--i bet I would
have won that one

Well, I would've
taken that bet.

Oh yeah, well,
you would've lost big.

Ha!

I love her spirit.

When I was sam's age,

If I'd gone out
with somebody

Who threw popcorn,
at the screen

I'd have dumped him, too.

Well, gee.
Then it's lucky
we didn't know each other.

Why? You threw popcorn
at the screen?

No, no. Ushers.

Well, that's different.

[Chuckles]

Well, uh, it's getting late
I'll be cutting out

Hey pal,

How you getting home?

I'll hitch,

Later.
Yeah, later.

See you. Later.

Hey, al.

Uh, hey, uh, wait up man.

You don't have to hitch,
I'll--i'll I'll take you.

Whatever.

So, tell me.
How was the movie?

I had a great time,
I threw pop corn at the people

I yelled at the screen.
It was all right.

Hey, al, mind if I give you
one more lecture?

Yeah.
Come on.

Tony: who's the boss?
Will be back in the moment
stick around.

Oh yeah. Mrs. Rossini,
that mackerel was delicious.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, I love you, too,
mrs. Rossini.

Yeah, I think you'd look
great as a blonde.

Okay. Bye-bye.
All right, bye.

[Groans]

Do you believe the influence
al has over mrs. Rossini?

Excuse me. Mr. Al.

I'm just glad
I don't have to deal
with that with samantha.

Jonathan: yo! Mama! Bring
some of that over here!

[Theme music playing]