05x18 - Heather Can Wait

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Mmm-mmm-mmm...

Mother, would you stop spying
on the new neighbors.

Get a load...
[Whistles]

Wavy brown hair,
broad shoulders,

Great buns.

Oh--ooh! Not bad.

Oh, would you--

You two should be
ashamed of yourselves.

Oh, damn.
He's got a wife.

Oh, damn.
She's gorgeous.

Let me see that.
Let me see that.

Whoa! marone mia!

Talk about neighborhood
beautification.

Uh-oh!
Uh-oh, what?

Uh-oh. Wait a minute.

They're...
They're coming over.

Do you mind?

Oh, I'm sorry. Here.

Oh, and my quiche
isn't even ready yet.

[Timer dings]
it is now.

Yeah, but angela, it's
going to be way too hot.

One's quiche
can never be too hot.

[Doorbell rings]

Come on. Let's go make a good
impression on the neighbors.

Mona, you stay here.

Okay?

Hi!
Hi!

We're the harpers...

Your new neighbors.

We know.

We've been watching
you move in.

Oh! Well, not actually
watching you.

Yes, you were.

I, uh...i don't
blame you for staring.

I'm kind of proud
of my love muffin here.

I'm pam.
And I'm mark.

I'm annette.

Would you stop it?

I'm angela.

And this is my
housekeeper tony.

Oh, role reversal.
I like it.

Well, uh, we just want to say

Welcome to oak hills drive.

Welcome to
oak hills drive.

Yeah, too bad you paid
too much for the house.

Mother!

That's all right.
We can afford it.

Mmm.
Well, this smells delish.

Well, I made it myself.

Oh, that is
so special.

Well...i even
grew the herbs.

Say hello, basil.

Heather: mom?

Ooh. Over here,
sweetie.

Got one more harper
for you to meet--

This is our pride and joy,
heather.

Hi.

Pam: honey,
this is, um...

This is tony, angela,
and annette.

So, uh, you must be
my daughter's age.

What are you 16, 17?



What do you
feed her?

Ohh,
that's very nice.

You know,
you and my son jonathan

Are probably be
in the same grade.

This is perfect.

Heather has a classmate
right next door.

Isn't life
wonderful?

Yes, and then you die.

Mona, go.
Ooh, ooh.

Well, thanks for
the quiche.

Uh, mark?

Isn't there something
you wanted to ask?

Oh...thanks, hon.

Uh... I wonder if it would
be possible

For you to trim the branches
on your oak tree?

It's blocking
our sun.

Oh, well, you know,

That oak tree's been kind
of long time.

We kind of like it
the way it is.

And besides, you know,
the branches
filter the sunlight

Onto our herb garden.

Understood. Yeah.

But, uh, the shadows

Give pammy
the heebie-jeebies.

Well, uh...
W-we'd be glad to.

Well, thanks,
neighbors.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

We, meaning me,
is not touching that tree.

Oh, come on. Tony,
they're our new neighbors.

In the spirit of goodwill you
just trim a couple of branches.

Oh, all right,
angela.

But let me tell you
something--

Love muffin gives me
the heebie-jeebies.

Tony!

Tony!

Tony!

I thought
this saw was loud.

I thought you said you were
just gonna cut off
a few branches.

I couldn't get it even.

It's too much,
isn't it.

Yeah!
Yeah!

Oh, you cut the tree!

Thank you for hearing us.

You know,
sometimes people listen

And don't hear.

Excuse me?
What did you say?

Oh, ha ha.

Oh, he's such a kidder.

Well,
you must be jonathan.

Heather, darling,

Meet jonathan.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, so, uh... How was night
one in the new house?

Every night
is night one with mark.

Oh, h* h*.

Oh, hi, guys.

Uh, hon,
somebody abandoned

A dilapidated old van
in front of the house.

Oh, uh...
Th-that's mine.

Oh. Well,
could you park it, um...

Out of sight?
Thanks.

Well, we'd really
appreciate it.

Come along,
heather.

Bye.

Yeah... Bye.

How do you like
these people?

You give them an inch,
they want a mile.

Oh,
one more thing...

You know, now that
the tree is trimmed,

There's enough light
for me

To plant
my rose bushes here, so--

Whoa, whoa.

Pam, this is
my herb garden.

Well, actually,
according to the realtor,

It's our property.

Well, this is your property?

This is your
property here?

Well, was poland
hitler's property?

Was [indistinct]
mussolini's property?

You know, we don't
cotton to to imperialism

In this neighborhood
here lady.

Tony,
it actually may be

The harper's
property.

What?

Yeah, well, uh...it's probably
somewhere in the middle

But nobody
knew for sure,

So the randalls
just let us use it.

Aha! Aha! So then ipso facto,

We have squatters' rights.

You know, possession
is 9/10 of the law.

Well, look, I don't mean
to be blunt,

But you can buy herbs
in the market now.

Try that.

Bye.

I'd like to cut--

Bye.

Bye.

I can't believe these people
to come into our neighborhood,

Starts bossing us around.

How old is heather?

You know, maybe we can work
something out--

Maybe we'd split
the herb garden in half?

Or maybe I'll split them
in half. How's that?

You sure
she's in my grade?

A compromise means
everyone wins.

This is a good life lesson
for you, sweetheart.

Dudley moore dates
tall women.

[Doorbell rings]

Hi.
Is jonathan here?

Oh, hi. You must
be heather. Come in.

I'm sam.

I don't know
how do you do it?
Do what?

Live under
the same roof...

...with jonathan.

You're kidding,
right?

Uh-uh. He's got
those big eyes,

Don't they just
make you crazy?

Jonathan?

He's all yours.

Go nuts.

Tony: hey, let me
tell you something.

I am not moving my van,
I am not moving my herb garden

And I'm gluing every one
of those branches

Back on that tree.
Will you take it easy.

However we have to deal
with the harpers,

We will do it calmly
and rationally.

Aah!

[Angela hyperventilating]

All right.
All right, all right.

All right. All right.

I think what
she's trying to say

Is your mother's
calling you.

Okay. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, heather,
here's your gum.

You throw that out.

You throw that out.

He is not ready for this.

Looks pretty ready to me.

Sweetheart, can we talk
for a minute?

Uh-huh.

Did heather make you feel
uncomfortable?

Uh-huh.

So, wait a minute,
wait a minute, pal.

Why are you smiling then?

I like uncomfortable.

I'm in love.

♪ everybody love
somebody sometime ♪

Will you stop?
♪ everybody... ♪

Sweetheart,
it's nice to make new friends

But you don't have to fall
in love with them.

You...
You barely know heather.

When you meet new people
it takes time

To develop a strong feeling,
good or bad.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Can you get married
at 13?

This is not--
this is not funny.

I know, I know.
This is not funny.

I know my son. I don't want
him to be pushed too fast.

Okay, angela.
Gee, calm down a little bit.

They're not in love. They're not
going to get married.

I knew plenty of girls,
like heather.

They're like--
like, uh, mona.

Great.
I'm calling her parents.

I'll dial. Go ahead.

I'm telling you, angela,
there's only one way to handle

These people,
that's to stand firm,

Hold your ground.

Literally.

You bought them a cake?

They don't deserve
a cake.

Whatever our property
disputes,

Maybe we have a problem
concerning our children.

Hey, hey, angela. Let's not lose
sight of the big picture here.

Children you can lock up
and protect.

My little herbs
are defenseless.

[Doorbell rings]

Tony, we've got to try to
reason with these people.

Yeah, but we don't
got to feed them.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi, please,
please, come in.

Come in.
Have a seat.

It was nice of you
to ask us over.

Of course. Of course.
Would you like some cake?

Where's the cake?

Oh, gee, I don't know.

It was there
just a minute ago.

Uh, some coffee?

Oh, uh, water-processed
decaf?

What else?

You know,
call me... Sensitive,

But we picked up a little
tension between us.

Yes. I felt
a cold prickly.

It must have hurt.

Actually,
the reason that I called--
please, angela,

Let us finish.

Mark and I have decided

To be
the bigger neighbor

And let you keep
your herb garden.

Really? All right!

Oh, angela,
aren't we lucky

To have such
wonderful neighbors?

Hey, guys, hey, guys.
How about some cake, huh?

Well, you know,
all this goodwill started

When heather came home

And just
couldn't stop talking

About your adorable
little jonathan.

Yeah, I bet you have to keep
a tight rein on that one.

Oh, yeah.

Actually, that's the
reason that I called.

Angela, angela.
Angela, angela. Angela, angela.

We already
got the herb garden.

Now is not the time
to tell them

Their daughter's
a bimbo.

Uh, more coffee?

Tony.

As I was saying,

I believe that
our children

Are entering those delicate
pubescent years,

And while a certain amount
of experimentation

Is perfectly natural,

I think that
we should exercise

Parental supervision.

What do you mean?

What I mean is...

I think your heather may be
a tad too... Affectionate.

Do you have a problem

With public displays
of affection, angela?

Of course I do not.

Well, now that
that's settled,

Some more
water-processed decaf?

No.

A few hours ago

I came in here and caught
heather kissing jonathan.

Let me just say,

There was gum involved.

I do not approve.

Well, certainly
you're not suggesting that

Our heather is...
Loose?

Oh, no, not loose,
just advanced.

Yeah! Advanced.
Advanced, you know.

I'm surprised she hasn't
skipped a grade already.

More cream?
No, thank you.

Mark: you know,
perhaps the problem

Isn't
with our heather.

Perhaps jonathan
was just overwhelmed

By a normal display
of affection.

Perhaps jonathan
is... A wimp.

Oh, hey!

Tony, please,

We can handle this
calmly and rationally.

Would you please get
your butts off our couch

And get the hell out
of our house.

And give me back
my cake!

Yeah!

Well, fine. If that's the kind
of neighbors you want to be,

Make sure you get your scrawny
herbs out of our rose garden.

Whoa! My herbs
are not scrawny!

Well, your quiche
was runny.

Good one, hon.
Oh, yeah? Yeah?

Well, hey, your coffee
was caffeinated!

Good one, tone!

I think we handled
that quite well.
Me, too.

Let's burn
their house down.

Okay! Good!
I'm doin' it.

I didn't sleep
a wink all night.

The harpers will rue the day
they cross angela bower.

How dare they
insult my son?

You know, angela,
I'm not sure about this,

But I think I saw
those people
on america's most wanted.

What's that 800 number?

I'm s--

I have the answer
to the neighbor problem.

Voodoo.

Why didn't
I think of that?

Well, I've got something
a lot better than voodoo.

I've got my lawyer
working on the case

And if any piece of that
property is ours,

She'll have them
eating dirt.

What if it isn't?

Ooh.
Do do that voodoo
that you do so--

Well.

You wouldn't believe
what's going on up there.

Jonathan is trying
on cologne.

I think he even got
into your hai karate.

Oh, no. I was saving that
for a special occasion.

Trust me, dad.
Nothing's that special.

Well,
it warms my heart

To see that
my grandson has inherited

My smoldering
sexuality.

Smoldering, mother? He isn't
even a pilot light yet.

Mona: uh-oh.

Guess what ken and barbie
are doing now?

Please, tell me
they're moving?

No. They're
building a fence.

Tony: what?

Mona: eee!
And they're kissing!

Okay. That's it.
No more mr. Nice guy.

Angela, get me
my chain saw.

Start with their lips.

♪ raindrops on roses
and whiskers on kittens ♪

♪ bright copper kettles ♪

♪ and warm woolen mittens ♪

♪ brown paper packages ♪

♪ tied up... ♪
oh, my god!

Oh, my god.
You k*lled them.

Get away
from my garden!

Mark, do something!

Honey,
he has a tattoo.

Mark howard harper!

Look, look,
we're upset with you

And you're upset
with us,

But there's no reason
we can't handle this.

Now, let's just talk.

Okay, we're building
a fence.

You're in the way.
End of talk.

Don't--
don't do that.

Don't do that!
Don't do that!

You did that!

And you know what?
I'm going to do this.

Tony: ohh! Okay, then
I'm going to do this.

[Grunting]

Or something else!

Here. Here.
Aah!

And then I'm going
to do this.

No! Oh!

Hi, jonathan.

Hi!

Hey, you want to go inside
and play study?

Not now.

All right. Give me
back my basil!

Oh, sure.
It's pesto now.

Aw!

Hey!
What's going on?

I don't want you
talking to him again.

And I don't want you
talking to her again.

Mom, what happened to
getting to know people

Before you decide
how you feel about them?

I feel I hate them,
sweetheart.

Come along,
heather.

Come along, jonathan.

I got two tattoos.

Hon...

[Knocks on window]

Heather!

What are you
doing here?

I missed you.

Hey. You know
what our parents said

We can't see each other.

I know.

Forbidden love.

Just like
romeo and juliet.

Someone's coming.

Uh.

I don't want to know.

That was
so romantic.

Heather, give it a rest.

Look.
I'm an old-fashioned guy.

I like to set the pace,
okay?

Okay.

Now you can start.

Hmm. We've got a problem
with our parents.

We got to think
of something.

What did
romeo and juliet do?

Committed suicide.

Oh. Keep thinking.

In the meantime, twirl.

Ugh! Store-bought oregano.
Dehydrated basil.

I'm telling you, angela.
I can't live like this.

Hey, nice work
on the herb garden.

Oh, hardy-har-har,
sam.

Very funny.

What? I'm serious.
It looks great.

Ooh. Better than usual.

Ohh!

Oh, my--
my babies are back.

Hi, honey.

The harpers must've
done this.

Look, angela.
Herbs mixed with roses.

Oh, tony, it's...

It's like a
botanical metaphor

To show that we
can live together

In peace
and harmony.

Yeah, yeah. Sure.

Good morning.

Hi.
Good morning, tony.

Well, it's a--
it's beautiful.

It's really
beautiful.

Yeah. That's what
we thought.

Must've taken
half the night.

Yeah.

Did it?

How would I know?

You mean,
you didn't do this?

No. You?

No.

Oh, I didn't think so.

Oh, well,
I knew you didn't do it, pal.

Look. Don't start
with us, buster.

Hey! Who you calling
buster, sister?

Hey, that's it!

I did it,
and I can undo it.

One more word,
and this garden's history.

Jonathan--
wait a minute, angela.

Stay back. I don't
think he's bluffing.

Look. Heather and I
put a lot of work into this,

And I think it's
a pretty good compromise.

After all, when you compromise,
everybody wins.

Sound familiar, mom?

Now, heather and I like
each other--

A lot.

Cool it, heather.

And if the four of you
don't like each other,

That's too bad,

But don't drag us
into the mud with you.

And the child
shall lead them.

That's, uh...

Some young man
you've got there.

We know.

Uh...

Look, uh...

Welcome--welcome
to the neighborhood.

Welcome...

To our lives.

Ohh...

Isn't life wonderful?

Now, if only there's something
we could do about the van.

[Groaning]

Tony...

You're--
you're crushing me.

I know.

Tony: who's the boss? will be
back in a moment. Stick around.

Angela: mother, come on out
and help us in the garden!

Tony: yeah, mon.
It's a beautiful day!

I wonder...

What are you up to?
Come on.

What are you doing in
the house? It's--

What happened
to my gum?

[Theme music playing]