06x19 - Take Me Back to the Ballgame

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

Singer:
♪ there's a time for love ♪

♪ and a time for livin' ♪

♪ take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road
and a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long,
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Oh, what a play. Ugh!

Whoa! Oh,
poetry in motion.

Thank you.

Not you.

Charlie grant.
Here, check this out.

Check this out,
you know, watching this guy,

It's like watching horowitz
play the piano

Or baryshnikov dance,

Or tweety bird
narrowly escape

The clutches of sylvester.

Oh.

The great ones always
make it look easy, angela.

Check this out.

Oh! What a hit!

Oh, he is great.

Thuffering thuccotash.

Tony, tonight
is the night.

We've got to get him
to endorse techton sneakers.

Don't worry about a thing,
angela. He's ours. He's ours.

You, softening him up
with baseball lore,

And me, moving in
for the k*ll,

The guy does not
stand a chance.

What a team!

Yeah, oh, yeah, angela,
well, as your teammate,

Just--just a little
constructive criticism.

You know, sometimes when you're,
uh, anxious to make the sale,

You--you--you--
you tend to be--

Well, just a tad--

A tiny, uh, trifle,
teeny bit, uh...

Sledgehammer-ish.

Sledgehammer-ish?

Yeah. 50-Pound head.
[Imitates crushing sound]

Well, I may be forceful,
but I get what I want.

Yeah, well,
that's what I'm saying, angie.

You know, if you come on
too strong with charlie,

You're never gonna sign him
because,

You know, we ballplayers,
we're a--we're a sensitive lot.

We are--we're peter pans
prancing through

The evergreen
fields of our youth.

Okay, tinker bell.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Laughing]

You gotta be kidding me,
mona.

No. The manager
said,

"Not in my dugout,
bunkie."

Uh, of course,
after the injunction,

I had to steer clear
of spring training.

Yes, yes. Hello, charlie.
Hi, how are you?

Hello. How was your ride up?
Thank you.

It was great.
It was kind of like

Being in a locker room
on wheels.

I just wanted to make sure
he felt at home.

Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee.

Mother!

Mother!

And here he is, now, the pride
of the st. Louis cardinals,

Tony micelli.

Hey.
Hey.

Hey.
Hey.

Wow. A meeting
of the minds.

Hey, charlie, I'm so happy
to meet you, you know,

Because, uh, you know,
you kind of remind me

Of me
when I was playing,

Except, of course, you're,
uh, you're faster, stronger

And you've been on
the cover of sports today

More times than me.

It's only been once.

Well, there you go.

Is he here yet?

So, charlie, this is,
uh, angela's son, jonathan

And my daughter,
samantha.

Hee hee hee
hee hee hee.

Poor kid. She's starstruck,
tongue-tied,

Lost all use
of her motor skills.

She got them back.

Hey, listen, how would
you two like to be my guests

When we play the mets?

I'll seat you
right behind the dugout.

Really? Oh, well,
that would be great.

Oh, that's--
that's so nice of you.

Do you--you think maybe
you could get an extra ticket

For my friend bonnie?

Sam.
Sam: dad.

What are we doing?
Don't take advantage

Of charlie's generosity.

I'll get one
for you too, tony.

Oh, I was hoping. Oh.

And sam,
when I'm up at bat,

I'll give you
a wave.

Oh--oh.

It's not cute
anymore, sam.

Bye.

So tony, you look like

You're still in pretty
good shape.

Hee hee
hee hee hee.

You, uh, ever swing
a bat anymore?

Does he swing a bat anymore?

This man is at
the top of his form,

Which is actually why I wanted
the two of you to meet.

You see,
at the bower agency,

When we form a relationship
with an individual,

We take their personal needs
into account.

Ahem, ahem.
You see, we like to match

The product with the--

♪ if I had
a sledgehammer ♪

Which I was, uh, what
I was about to suggest

That maybe you two might like
to bat some ba*ls together

Sometime at the batting cage
you always go to.

Oh, well, I don't think charlie
doesn't wants to go to an--

Hey.

Hey?

Hey!

All right.
Hey, tomorrow at noon, okay?

Okay.
Hey!

Hey, have a seat here,
charlie, have a seat.

Hey, you know, I'm glad
we're going down there

Because I'm dying to get a look
at that $2 million swing. Eh?

Yeah, well, don't believe
everything you read, tony.

Oh, well, i--

You know, I did think


Uh, hey, look, if it's--if it's
not too personal, uh...

$3 Million?

Well,
that doesn't include

The $1 million
signing bonus.

Oh, of course.

$4 Million?
Yes.

You know, when I signed
with the cards,

I got a big bonus.
Really? How big?

Oh, no, no, no.
A bic bonus.

They let me keep the pen
I signed with.

It still writes.
Yeah.

Well, charlie,
you're worth every penny.

Philadelphia is lucky
to have you.

Well, I may not be
in philly next season.

See, I'm waiting for a call
from my agents.

L.a. And new york
are both interested.

I--i don't get it.
I--i--i--i thought you said

You loved playing
in philadelphia.

I--i just read it
in--in sports today--

"Charlie grant--
as a kid,

i'd sneak
into veteran's stadium

and dream that someday
I'd be in that uniform.

tipping my hat
to the crowd.

philly's my home
and I love it."

Yeah, that was nice.

My image consultant
wrote that.

Your--your image consultant?

Well, yeah, my business
manager hired him.

Your business manager?

Well,
my agent felt--

Your--your agent?

Um, yeah, my agent felt
that we needed something

That would encourage
l.a. And new york

To make a more
attractive offer.

See, it's a marketing
strategy to

Lure me away
from the hometown.

Oh, yeah, well, I got to stop
believing everything I read.

You know, hey, maybe
elvis really is dead.

Do you mind
if I wash up?

Well, what would
your image consultant say?

Makes me human.

Yeah.
He's good. He's good.

Right behind the stairs,
to the right.

Thank you.
Yeah, sure.

He's terrific.
Isn't he terrific, tony?

Yeah, yeah,
I like the kid.

It's just that he seems a little
hung up on money, you know.

Oh, that's the way
of the world today.

Yeah, yeah,
I guess you're right.

I shouldn't be
surprised.

I mean, he's a child
of the 80s.

Who were his
role models, huh?

Ivan boesky,
john delorean,

Jessica hahn.

Wow.
Wow.

Oh, that's--that's nothing,
my little cuties,

It's just a mere
bag of shells.

A mere
bag of shells, you know,

You would have no way
of knowing this.

But, uh, I once played
in the majors.

Really?
What do you do now?

Are you a sports announcer?
A manager?

Do you own
a bowling alley?

[Chuckles] uh, no, no, no,
my little cuties.

I, uh,
I'm a housekeeper.

Could you come over
and do our oven?

[Laughs]

Brat.

Hey, tony!

Hey, charlie!
Come on in.

Oh, gosh,
I'm sorry, I'm late.

I got hung up
at the porsche dealer.

I mean, you can't believe
what they want

For one of these things.
Oh, really?

Uh, well, if--if it's
not too personal, uh...

$90,000?

Yeah, I know,
it's a lot of money.

My business manager
said I could get it though.

Oh, yeah, well,
you know, hey,

I clear
all my major decisions

With my business
manager, too.

Here, let me introduce
you to him. Hold on.

Oh, mr. Wallet,
what do you say?

No. Oh.

That's--that's
his favorite word.

I've been there.
Yeah, well, they--

They make sure you don't
go back there.

A contract with angela bowers'
the way to go, huh?

What do you think, wally?
She's a peach.

Hey, I hope
she's giving you 15%.

You know, you're a hell
of an agent.

Well, let me tell you
something, charlie.

It's--it's easy to sell
something that you believe in.

And I believe in angela.

Yeah, well,
I'll believe in her too

If she comes up
with more money

Than nike or reebok.

Hey, i--i know--i'm glad
you mentioned that.

Look, um, i--i feel we can talk
because baseball players,

We're like
a brotherhood, right?

Hey.
Hey.

All right, look,
don't take this the wrong way,

But maybe you shouldn't
be so distracted by money.

I mean,
it could hurt your game.

Hey, it hasn't hurt me
so far.

And if things work out
next year,

I'll be paying more
in taxes

Than the president makes...
That's true.

Unless I get that
tax shelter set up.

Well, then the cut in
capital gains tax

Goes through,
I'll incorporate.

Oh, charlie, charlie,
cool your corporate jets here.

Corporate jet.
Good idea.

No, no, no.

Uh, I'm talking about something
else here, charlie. Look.

Hey, it--it's a great feeling
to be successful,

But we gotta remember
what got us there.

Our agents?

No. Not our agents.
Baseball.

Baseball,
and our love for it.

Oh, that.

Oh, don't say,
"oh, that."

Come on. You--

You know, it's--it's something
deep inside. It's--

Hey, hey, remember that first
base hit you ever got, huh?

The crack of the bat
against the ball,

The--the grit of the dust
as you run to first base.

That great feeling
when you touch the base

And the umpire
says safe, huh?

Remember that feeling?

Yeah, and your teammates
jumping up and down

Cheering for you? Yeah.
Right. Right.

That's what I'm talking about.

Now look, all the money in the
world can't buy that feeling.

That--that's what baseball's
all about.

That's what being
a big league star is all about.

Yeah. Well, that and
getting free tickets

To the stones concert.

Baseball
has its privileges.

Yeah, I guess so.
Okay. Here you go.

There you are.

Whoa!
Oh. He's good.

Isn't he good, tony?

Yeah, yeah, he--his worth
his weight in gold cards.

Yeah, what are
you doing here?

Oh, I brought something
for charlie. Charlie!

Hey, angela.

Complimentary pair
of new techton cross trainers,

Which you will be endorsing.

Might be endorsing.
Will be.

Hey, tony,
what do you think?

Baseball
has its privileges.

Oh, this
is ridiculous.

I'll get you
a pair, too.

I don't want them.
I think they're ugly.

Can I have
your autograph?

Oh, sure, kid.
Not him.

He's a domestic.

That one.

Mr. Grant, can I
have your autograph?

Yeah. Sure.

All right.

What's your name?

Kevin: kevin.
Okay.

Here you go, kevin.
Oh, this is great.

Tony, this is great.
This is the ad I want to do.

Oh, he is the perfect
role model.

There you go.

Thanks.
This is so neat.

Okay.

Hey, charlie.

Charlie, you--you see the look
on that kid's face?

You--you see the kind of joy
you can bring to children?

That's what
baseball is all about.

Yeah, and he'll be even happier
when I'm in the hall of fame,

And he can sell it
for a thousand bucks.

That's it. That's it.

You know what? I don't wanna
to play with you anymore.

You know what else?

I don't want you
in business with angela.

And I don't want you
endorsing these shoes.

You're not fit
to wear these shoes

Because--because
these shoes represent

Everything that's good
and pure about america.

They're
made in korea.

Well, the korean people
play baseball, too.

You know, I think I've had
enough batting practice.

I'm out of here.

Oh, no, no, no, wait, but...
Charlie, wait.

Just wait, he didn't mean...
I'll see you, angela.

Thank you.

Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

Oh, look, look,
you--you may
feel that way now,

But someday,
you're gonna thank me.

Hey, mister.

Yes, honey?

Is that autograph
really gonna be worth a grand?

♪ take me out
to the ballgame ♪

♪ take me out
to--to the crowd ♪

♪ buy me a porsche
and a cadillac ♪

♪ put a big pile of dough
in the back ♪

♪ 'cause it's greed, greed,
greed for the home team ♪

♪ greed, greed, greed,
greed, greed, greed ♪

Dad, I can't believe
you yelled at charlie.

Now we're never
gonna see him again.

Please. We're much better off
without babe ruthless.

Better off, dad?

What about our seats
behind the dugout?

So--so now, you can sit
up in the bleachers

With the rest of
the poor, honest slobs.

I don't wanna sit
with the slobs.

I'm trying to change
my image.

You.

Sick him, grandma.

Oh, what? What? What?

What, I ruined
your life, too?

Charlie was going to take me
to the all-star game.

I was gonna go to the parties,
meet the celebs,

Have my picture
in the enquirer

With the caption,
who's charlie's new angel?

Dad, charlie was
gonna wave to me.

Wave to me, dad...

Like I'm waving
to you now.

Oh, come on. What--

What is wrong
with this family?

Doesn't anybody know the--
the true meaning of baseball?

I know.

Getting to first is kissing.
Second base--

Would you stop, please?

Good morning.
Oh, right, right, right, right.

Now, it's your turn.
Go ahead. Jump on me.

That's third base.
All right.

Hit the showers.

I want to be traded.

You're going to be traded.

I just got off
the phone with charlie.

Oh, yeah? How is
joe dimoneyo?

Better than he was
yesterday.

I got him to agree
to do the commercial.

Oh, really?
How did you do that?

I made him an offer
he couldn't refuse.

Oh, boy, huh? Huh?

Ching, ching,
huh? Huh?

Score one
for dough jackson.

No.

Score one
for angela bower.

Oh, come on, angela.

Uh, why do you wanna even be
in business with this guy?

Look, don't you see what kind
of mercenary he is?

What am i, a lone voice
in the wilderness?

Hello! Hello!

Is anybody
out there?

Let me ask you something,

Is it possible
that you are just a tad,

Just a teeny, tiny,
trifle bit envious?

Envious?
Me? Of what?

Why, because the guy
is young, talented,

And adored
by millions?

Well, I should
be envious,

But I'm not, angela.

I don't begrudge the guy
his fame and fortune.

Then what is it?

Oh, it's his attitude,
angela.

His attitude.
It's--it's--it's

It's his worship of
the almighty buck.

I mean, his fealty
at the feet

Of the god of mammon.

Hallelujah,
elmer gantry.

Dip my head
in a river.

Don't give me
any ideas.

Tony, money's important
to me, too,

And I don't think that makes me
a terrible person.

Of course not, angela.
But to charlie,

Money's the only
important thing.

And listen,
he's not the kind of guy

You want as a role model
for your kids.

Tony, that is the way
the game is played.

It's like I said to you,
yesterday.

It's the way
of the world.

Well, it don't think
it has to be that way.

Well, until it changes,
I am a part of it.

Now, if you will excuse me,

I have to go to work
and earn some money.

"Earn some money."

Hey, mister,
you gonna be done soon?

I'll be done
when I'm done.

Oh.

Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, kid.
Sure, I'm done.

Why--why don't you come in
and finish my time, okay?

Thanks.

I know you.

You're
charlie grant's friend.

Friend?
Let me tell you something

About our friend,
charlie grant.

You ever
see him on tv

And selling sneakers
or--or mutual funds,

Or pudding pops,
you run the other way.

Uh-huh.
No, no, kid.

The world is changing,
you know?

It's--it's lost
its moral compass.

Know what I mean?

Uh-huh.

I don't know. People don't
have any values anymore.

They don't have
ethics anymore.

Wow.

Hey, kid, come here.
Sit down a second, will you?

You get
an allowance, right?

All right.
So listen to this,

Let's say
your mother gives you

Your allowance
for the week.

And--and--and your father
doesn't know that, okay?

And so he gives you
an allowance, too.

So now you have
two allowances, right?

Do you
give one back?

Uh...

Come on,
come on, now kid.

You're--
you're an honest kid.

You'd give it back,
wouldn't you?

Aw, well...

Aw, wait a minute.

Let me try something
else on you, okay?

Here it is.
It's christmas.

Say, hey, you like
christmas, right, okay?

It's christmas.
It's pouring out.

And you're at the mall,
okay?

And--and all the parking
places are taken

Because the place is jammed.

Okay, all the
parking spaces are taken

Except for the one that says,
"handicap only."

Do you take it?

I'm not old enough
to drive.

Okay, okay,
that's a bad example.

It's a bad example.

Um, okay, hey,
you're on your bike.

I don't have a bike.

I'd like a bike.

Could you give me a
break here kid?

All right. Okay.

Let me try something--

Here it is.

You're in a lifeboat.

Mother!

Daughter!

Look, if you want
to make a pigsty,

Why don't you do it
in your own place?

Are you kidding me?
I live there.

[Doorbell rings]

Who is it?
Charlie: it's charlie.

Oh, charlie.
Come on in.

What a pleasant surprise?
What are you doing here?

Oh, I just stopped by
to pick up my jacket.

I called
and left a message.

Angela, charlie called.
He's coming over.

He's going to get
his jacket.

I'll get it.

God!
Thanks.

Hey.
Hey.

Hey, hey.

You know,
charlie,

I'm a little embarrassed
to ask this--



No. I--it's about
the all-star game.

Could you find out

What connie chung
is wearing?

Charlie, I'm really glad
you stopped by.

I've got a fresh idea
for the campaign.

Oh, angela, didn't
my business manager call you?

I closed the deal with kpc
athletic shoes this morning.

I'm sorry.

You what?

Well, yeah, they came up
with the best offer

And they threw in
a porsche.

Now, how could I
turn that down?

But we shook hands
on the deal.

You gave me your word.

Come on, angela,
you know how it is.

Look, um, maybe
we can work together

On another project, okay?

See ya.

I'm sorry, dear.

You didn't
deserve this.

Well, I guess I'll have
to take back the dress

I bought for
the all-star game.

Great. Now connie
will be queen.

All right, kevin,
so here's the question.

Do you donate
the kidney?

Can you
go over the part

About the dialysis
machine again?

Look, kevin,
here's the thing.

As you grow up,

You're gonna have to make
a lot of choices.

And--and I just hope
and I pray

That you're make
the right ones.

Okay.

Can I go home now?

Yeah, yeah, sure.
Go ahead.

Here's your hat.

Thanks.
Okay.

Can you play again
tomorrow?

Maybe, if I don't have
too much homework.

See ya.

See ya.

Hi.

Hey, angela.
What are you--

What are you--
you turning into

A batting cage
groupie or what?

No. I had just a piece
of information

That I thought
you would find interesting.

I just spoke
with charlie.

Oh, yeah? How is
mickey moolah?

Because I got
millions of those.

He broke his deal
with me.

He signed
with another company.

Oh, what did they do?
Offer him more money?

That and a porsche.

Well, I guess
that does outdo

Your complimentary
sneakers.

Yeah.
Angela: yeah.

But I got to tell you,

You know what,
these air pillows

With that little
pump thing,

Oh, they're--they're terrific.
I needed that.

Sorry you lost
the account.

Hey, live by the sword,
die by the sword.

Boy, you sure
had charlie's number.

Yeah. 3 Million.

I should have listened
to that lone voice

In the wilderness.

Well, your head
was in the river.

Oh, yeah.

Wow...

Gosh.

Whatever happened
to the day

When a person's word
meant something?

I don't know, angela.

People--people are changing,
you know?

And it's really weird.

I mean, hey,
when did it all go wrong?

Was it disco?

No.

No, I don't think
it was that.

It had to be
a factor, angela.

It had to be.

Where are we
headed?

I mean, are people
just going to get

Worse and worse

And more selfish
and more venal?

[Scoffs] you know what
worries me, angela,

Is the next
generation--kids.

It scares me to think
that they're all--

They're all gonna grow up
with dollar signs in their eyes,

Their--their only
emotional connection

To materialism and
conspicuous consumption.

Well put.

I've been working on it
all day.

Excuse me.

Hey, lady,
is this yours?

It's my wallet.

It must have fallen
out of my purse.

All right, kevin--but--
wait a minute.

How much did you have
in there?

About 60.



All right, kevin, buddy.

Oh.

Everything's going
to be all right, huh?

And you were worried.

Look at that face.
Look at that face.

Ooh, I love it.

Tony: who's the boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

♪ take me out
to the ballgame ♪

Hi.
Tony: oh, hi angela.

How'd the hitting go
at the batting cage?

Oh, what a day
I had angela.

I was ripping the ball.

And you know what else?

I made a new
little friend,

Tommy.
Angela: oh.

[Doorbell rings]
yeah.

There's only one problem
with the guy.

All he wants to do is
talk baseball, play baseball.

He's got baseball
coming out of his veins.

It's incredible.

Hi, tommy.

Tony, can I have
my bat back please?

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

Dodger fan. Huh.

[Upbeat music playing]

[Theme music playing]