04x05 - Love T.K.O.

[bunniefuu]

Hello! How are you brothers doing tonight?

Just fine.

Good.

Here are the drinks you ordered,

And I'm sonya, your waitress for the evening.

[Jamaican accent] hey, well, it's nice to meet you, sonya.

Where you from, jamaica?

No, I'm from brooklyn.

I just listen to a lot of shabba.

You know what?

Nipsey's waitresses got a whole lot of assets.

Hide me.

I got a whole g*ng chasing me.

What, we got beef.

Who trying to catch a beat down?

Big shirley's triplets.

Shaheem, raheem, and taheem.

You running from some little kids?

Man, big shirley's triplets ain't hardly little.

Peep this, tommy.

They're only years old

And they're bigger than all three of their daddies.

Go to big shirley and make up,

Like you always do.

Go ahead with that.

There ain't going to be no making up this time.

Some stuff you can't forgive.

I caught big shirley fooling around.

[Crying]

Whwh

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

What's up, nipsey?

Hey, chubby, what's up?

Hey!

Hey, baby, how you doing?

Y'all got to take that to the motel.

I don't run that kind of business.

You know how it is

When you ain't seen your woman all day.

Don't you, thicky ricardo?

We know what y'all going to be doing this weekend,

Dawgs!

Me and my husband

Have not spent one moment alone

Since we got married,

So until monday, it's just going to be us.

That's right. That's right!

Don't want to see you.

No.

Damn sure don't want to see you

Scratching at the door,

Sniffing, trying to get in.

Don't worry.

We won't be in your tiny little way.

We have our own plans.

Well, my lease is up.

I'm moving in with pam.

What?

Really?

Are you two going to be, like,

Moving in together for real?

We're going to make that move! Dawg!

Tommy, I'm going to be calm about this.

Either you on that stuff

Or this woman done put the root on you.

Get off of me!

Don't do it, man.

They have been together for almost a year now.

Martin, what is the problem?

I'll tell you the problem, gina.

Moving in with pam's like moving in with batra.

Next thing you know,

He'll be sleeping upside down like a bat.

Pam is a good woman, o.k.?

And we have a great time together.

We're going to do this.

That--that-- whatever.

But having a pam

Is a big responsibility.

O.k.? You got to walk her, feed her,

Wash her...

Uh...

Change the litter box.

Do all the things.

It's been a long time.

Honey, I'm home!

Ooh, that sounds good to me.

Is that all you brought?

I'll get the rest of the stuff later.

I brought you this clipping

From my grandmother's garden.

See, it reminds me of you--

Rare and "bootiful."

Thank you, baby. That's sweet.

You know what? I was thinking.

With us moving in together,

It's going to be real cool.

Me, too, baby.

I'm going to put these clothes in the closet.

Oh, you know what, baby?

Might as well throw these old records in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, baby!

You got to be careful with the lou rawls.

This is a very valuable collection.

All right, tommy. Calm down.

They're just some old records.

Step into the nineties, bro.

They do sell cds.

Sweetheart, these are classics, o.k.?

They must be treated with respect.

O.k. Well, while you and lou get your groove on,

I'm going to get ready for bed, o.k.?

Hmm?

[Knuckles crack loudly]

What the hell?

Want to give me a warning

Before you do that next time?

I just like to stretch just a little bit

Before I go to bed.

[Neck cracks loudly]

[Crack]

[Crack]

[Crack]

[Crunch]

Now, that felt good.

With us living together,

I don't have to sneak

And do it in the bathroom.

You ready for bed?

Give me a second, all right?

A second.

O.k. You know what, sweet?

I'm going to put this in water.

All right, lou!

[Humming]

Come on, baby. There.

♪ You know ♪

♪ You know ♪

[Singing along with lou] ♪ there was a time ♪

♪ When somebody told you to do something ♪

♪ And you did it ♪

♪ Bam, right on, no questions asked ♪

♪ It was yes, sir, yes, ma'am ♪

♪ You never said no ♪

♪ But you see-- ♪♪

Hey.

Aw, baby, you're going to have to turn it off

Before we go to bed.

My mom used to play lou rawls

Before I went to sleep,

And now I can't sleep without it.

You never played it before we went to bed.

When we went to bed,

We weren't trying to sleep,

If you know what I mean.

Ooh.

Now that you mention it,

I'm not that tired,

If you know what I mean.

Why don't you go relax,

And I'll finish stretching.

I'll be waiting.

Dawg!

♪ Oh, I want to be happy and free ♪

♪ Living and loving for me ♪

[Turning volume down very low]

Uh, baby! Could you turn up the music?

That lou rawls album is fly!

Damn!

♪ Like a natural man ♪♪

Welcome to the world of nubian passion.

What's happening, man?

Part one, the art of african-american massage.

Yes!

This is for us. Did I tell you?

It's going to be a b*mb.

Do you have your motherland massage oil?

Right there. We got it.

Motherland massage oil.

Egyptian pharaoh feathers...

Right here. Here we go.

Massage!

And a barry white cd?

Barry white.

Right on.

Right on.

Let's get to massaging.

Hurry up, baby, 'cause they're going to leave us.

Be gentle. That's all shoulder.

All right.

I will be gentle. I promise.

[Knock on door]

Baby, somebody's at the door.

Didn't you tell everybody

We were going to be alone?

Shh! Girl, if you massage a little quieter,

They'll go away.

[Knocking]

It could be an emergency,

Like when sheneneh's hot comb caught on fire.

Honey, answer the door.

I was damn near undressed.

You could've kept massaging and everything.

Hey!

I told you me and gina was trying to be alone.

No visitors. Peace.

I found myself a new girlfriend.

I want to have y'all check her out.

No.

Hey, man, please. You're the only friends I got.

Bring her in. Just for a minute.

They going to be here all night--

Aha! Check it out.

These are the friends I was telling you about.

Martin and gina payne.

Hi, I'm harriet harrington!

Oh, I just love your show, martin!

You can talk with the best of them! Can't ya?

Ow.

Whazzup?

You don't know me like that, sister.

Bring it down a notch.

Oh, I'm sorry!

I'm just so excited to be here!

Oh-oh!

Oh, I love this hair!

Is it all real?

You're going to have to tone that voice down.

Please.

I'm sorry. Just maybe I should go outside!

Yeah! Yeah!

Well, I'll go! O.k.?

This is pretty cool.

Damn.

I'm going outside!

Don't wake up the damn neighbors.

Woo-hoo!

What the hell's wrong with you,

Bringing that loud-mouthed woman by my house

At this time of night?

I didn't know she was loud.

I haven't heard a word she said since I met her.

Then read my lips, cole.

Get the hell out!

Did you get that one?

Slow it down!

Get...

The hell...

Out!

All right. I'll get out.

Hyah!

♪ Like a natural man ♪

♪ Like a natural man ♪

♪ Well, now ♪

♪ I refuse to listen-- ♪♪

Now I could get some sleep.

Hey, what's going on?

What happened to the music?

Tommy,natural man was getting on my natural nerves.

I can't sleep without it!

I can't sleep with it.

Nor your snoring!

[Imitates loud snoring]

You haven't complained about my snoring

For the past year.

I didn't hear it every night.

It's turning me off.

What if I want to get busy?

How the hell am I going to get busy

Looking at a headful of curlers?

I know you don't want to take it to the head.

Do you want to talk about something?

We can talk.

Direct your attention to the toenails.

What about my toenails?

They're slicing my sheets!

Ever heard of a toenail clipper?

If you had paid just a little more for them sheets,

They might not be tore up.

Oh, so now you're calling me cheap?

That's very funny coming from a brother

That ain't got no job.

I got a job!

I don't even want to sleep on your cheap sheets, o.k.?

I'm going to sleep right here!

I hope you and lou have a good time!

We will! Fine!

Fine!

I got to go to the bathroom!

Go!

[Splash]

Damn it, tommy!

You left the seat up, and I fell in!

Well, you better tighten up on your backstroke!

Baby, ooh, that was the best massage ever.

Baby, I'm sorry I ran out of oil,

But you were a little ashier than I expected.

Whatever.

So what do you want to do now?

Want to watch a movie?

Why watch a movie when we can make a movie?

All you got to do is set it up.

I'll get the props.

All right. Got the candles.

Got--got the champagne.

Hey!

Don't forget the whipped cream.

I got the whipped cream.

Ooh!

Come on. What you looking for?

Spatula.

So I can smack it, flip it, rub it down!

[Knock on door]

Martin, tell cole to go home.

Seconds till showtime. Let's go!

Damn!

Hold it.

Don't move it!

Damn!

I really need to talk to you.

Me and gina are busy.

[Gina] baby, come on!

I can't hold this position forever!

Yeah, all right, all right.

I'm sorry, but pam and I had an argument.

She kicked me out.

Well, congratulations.

You should be happy,

But your big, happy a*s can't stay here. Peace.

She fell in the toilet

Because I left the toilet seat up.

But I told her,

"You wasn't going to drown with that big ol' butt."

She won't accept my apology.

It's your apartment, too.

Tell pam I said leave the seat up when she's done.

[Gina] come on, baby! I'm waiting!

Now, look, tommy, I got some business to handle.

We'll rap later, o.k.?

On the way, baby! On the way!

Don't forget the ice, baby!

Girl, you knew I was going to get the ice.

O.k. Got that.

[Knock on door]

Who the...

Who is it now?

Hey, yeah?

Hey!

I thought I told you and surround sound not to come back.

I got rid of her. Found me another one.

Found you what?

Found me another one.

She's fine. She's shy.

She ain't got too much to say.

Edna.

This ain't...

Hey, edna, how are you? I'm martin.

What the hell wrong with this one?

Cat got your tongue?

Cole, you and leon spinks,

Please, get out.

Out!

Baby, is tommy gone?

That was not tommy.

That was cole with another woman.

Another--well, was she nice at least?

She looked like years late

For a dentist appointment.

Martin, now that your friends are gone,

Are you ready to roll, mr. Director?

Lights...

Yes.

Camera...

Action!

[Knock on door]

Oh!

Damn it!

Go--go away!

We're not home!

[Pam] gina, open up!

I need to talk to you!

Dang!

What are you doing?

You talked to your friends.

I got to talk to mine.

Oh, gina. Hurry up, o.k.?

I feel like sh**ting a double feature.

What?

Yeah, yeah, what's up?

I'm seeing a side of tommy I've never seen before.

He's rude. He's inconsiderate.

He'd rather sleep with lou rawls than me.

He playednatural man all night long.

So I kicked his natural a*s out.

Why'd you do that, pam?

Ain'tnatural man your theme song, too?

It's better than small world.

Whatever, whatever.

Hey, baby?

Yeah?

I'll be on the set.

All right.

What am I supposed to do?

This is what you do.

You go home. Right?

You go home. Right?

You tell tommy it's either you or lou

Or you're all through. That's that.

Thank you. You're right.

You or lou. All through. Let's go.

I'll see you monday, right?

Yeah, monday!

All right! Bye!

Gina!

Hurry up, girl. I already started without you!

No, martin, no!

Whoo!

Dang!

You sure you want to watch this, gina?

Oh, please. Most definitely.

I can finally show you how many funny faces you make.

I ain't the only one making faces.

You look like something out of thriller,girl.

No, I don't.

Ah, look it here.

[Knock on door]

Not again.

I'll be damned

If I'm going to open the door

At this time of night!

Martin, you should really keep that door locked.

People could walk right on in.

Who the... Tommy, man...

What is wrong with you, man?

What is you and your batroid

Coming up in my face for?

I came to tell you you were right about pam.

Child got more weaves than a dog in trafic.

Taking it to the head again, tommy?

What's with the stocking cap, bro?

Face it.

The hair is gone, dawg!

I thought you were going to work thisout.

How, with a brother who shaves his head in the kitchen sink?

What about your back cracking?

Sound like a bag of pork rinds.

I'm so sick of you two.

I've been telling you.

Gina, is that you and martin?

No! Aah!

I told you to cancel the playboy channel.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

It sounds like to me

That you two are arguing over nothing.

Yeah. Gina, for once I got to agree with pam.

Thank you, martin.

Leaving head chips in the sink's trifling.

[Pam] yeah, that's trifling.

So's leaving the toilet seat up, martin.

Many a day I've taken a dip.

Hey, don't start on me.

O.k.?

If I told you once, I told you twice...

You look...

Before you sit.

You look and sit.

Look, sit.

You could easily flip the toilet seat down!

O.k.? You zip it, then you flip it.

Just zip, flip! Zip and flip!

I will gladly show you how to do it.

In the bathroom!

I'm going to show you

How to change the toilet paper.

Every time your friends come over, you show off.

[Door slams]

I can't believe they're arguing

Over something so petty.

Do we sound that silly?

Worse.

Ooh.

I think we made a mistake

Moving in with each other.

I guess we kind of rushed it.

Just because living together

Worked for martin and gina,

Doesn't make it right for us.

You're right.

I think we should just chill.

O.k. I tell you what.

Why don't we go back to being friends again.

O.k.?

And just, whatever happens,

Happens natural.

[Martin] things I just won't tell you.

Let me find out what's going on here.

Hey.

Please tell me y'all broke up.

Tell me you broke up.

No, not really.

We just decided to slow things down.

How slow are you going to slow them down?

Y'all going to see other people?

Yeah. No.

Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe.

Well, damn!

It ain't never going to end!

[Knock on door]

Come on in, cole!

Right on, right on, right on.

O.k., Everybody, this is rochelle.

Hey, how you doing, rochelle?

What's your problem?

Ain't nothing wrong with her, o.k.?

She's quiet and she got dental benefits.

Nice to meet you.

Check the smile.

I don't understand, rochelle,

Why you keep looking over your shoulder.

Is a cop chasing you?

I'm sorry, but I've had the strangest feeling.

It's like we're being followed or something.

You! You. Y'all feel that?

Wait a minute.

Ain't no damned earthquakes in detroit.

I'd know that rumble anywhere.

[All] big shirley!

Go back. We got to go from the light cue.

Light cue. Light cue down.

Yeah!

Hey!

Cut the light! Cut!

All right. Uh, yeah!

Hyah!

Ute