04x14 - The Bodyguard

[bunniefuu]

Why did I spend all that money on martin?

Baby clothes are expensive, gina.

Hands off. See where y'all going?

Clyde, let's go back. I dropped something.

Forget it. It's not important.

You don't want the money?

Excuse me, sirs. I'm sorry.

You dropped your bag of grocerie--

Thanks, but those aren't groceries.

That's the money we robbed from the bank.

How stupid can you get?

They've seen you, and you told 'em what you did.

We ain't seen nothing.

We ain't seen a thing. We ain't seen nothing.

I didn't see nothing.

I ain't seen jack!

No, lady. My name's ain't jack. It's donnie.

[Sirens]

That's five-o. Let's roll.

You two better act like you never saw anything.

If you two even dream you saw us,

You better wake up and apologize.

Let's go!

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Whwh

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I can't see these mug shots. It's dark in here.

Because your head is blocking the light, ma'am.

Get used to it, officer.

Big heads run in her family.

Gina, I got here as quick as I could.

Martin, I'm so glad you're here, baby.

We got your message. You o.k.?

I'm upset.

Guess what. We were involved in a crime.

What? Yes.

Yo, gina,

Don't cry for moms when they lock you up,

'Cause them big sisters in prison...

They don't play that.

No, cole.

Me and pam witnessed a bank robbery. Hah!

See, you know what?

This whole room's still not listening to me.

Ginawas involved in a bank robbery.

Pam ain't seen jack!

How many times...

Come on, pam. Don't be like that.

If you cooperate with the officer,

Girl, he'll give you a big box of scooby snacks.

You on my nerves. You on my last nerve.

Officer! I think this is them right there.

These two guys right there, sir.

Uh-oh.

She's identified donnie and clyde.

We've been trying to convict those guys for years,

Except all the witnesses keep mysteriously disappearing.

Those brothers were magicians, too?

No, cole. Donnie and clyde took 'em out, man.

Hey, look. Damn that, baby, o.k.?

Your man ain't afraid of nobody. Bring their asses on.

Bring 'em on.

Yeah.

I don't think you understand me.

I am talking about donnie and clyde.

I don't give a damn

If you're talking about donny and marie.

If they stepped on me wrong,

They'll get an old-fashioned,

Joe jackson a*s-whipping.

That's what the police are here for, to protect and serve.

What y'all serving? Brother hungry as hell right about now.

Just ignore him, officer. He's...

It looks like we're all done here.

Let's be out.

Oh, uh, ladies,

I'm afraid it's not quite that simple.

You're eyewitnesses.

I'll have to place you in protective custody

At an undisclosed location.

Hold up, off-i-cer. O.k.?

Where you taking us, man?

Well,us ain't going anywhere.

It's just the two witnesses,

So you can kiss your wife goodbye and keep hope alive.

Damn that, man. Keep gina alive.

Keep my baby alive.

What about pam?

Damn...

If I have to tell your bald head...

I told y'all.

Pamela james ain't seen jack!

I guess I done seen it all.

A seeing eye dog that can't see.

How you not going to see the robbers that robbed?

All right. It's all right.

O.k., Ladies,

Before you go to your secret location,

You might want to grab a few things.

Uh--uh, sir. Mister, um, sir.

You long do you think we'll be undercover?

Oh, not long.

Donnie and clyde rub out their witnesses

Within the first hours.

Pam...

They're taking us out. They're taking us out.

Gina, don't even sweat it.

We ain't going out like that.

Give me my shank.

Give me the shank.

You're going to need it.

What did you just say? I didn't hear that.

I just said good luck,

And the community is proud of you.

Wait. When we going to this secret location?

Yeah.

I'm not going, but I will be getting out of here.

Ay, oh, ay.

Where you going?

No, where you going? You leaving us?

Damn right. No sense in all of us checking out.

Well, who's going to protect us, man?

Never fear...

Old otis is right here.

Now, where's the little honey dips that need protecting?

Oh, my god.

How could they leave us here with otis?

They might as well have left us with barnaby jones.

What's the matter, girl?

You don't trust old otis?

Hell no! Hell no!

Look. Don't worry, all right.

I protected two honey dips like you last month.

Really? And everything turned out all right?

No, but they sure served some good food at the funeral.

They had macaroni and cheese. They had this brown--

Otis, we don't care about the food.

We can't kick it here.

Donnie and clyde are coming for us.

You ain't going nowhere.

You trying to make old otis look bad?

What is he talking about?

Mr. Otis, we feel more comfortable

With my husband and his friends around us.

That's a bold-faced lie if I ever saw one.

You're making me look like I can't do my job.

No, no, mr. Otis.

We were expecting protection more like wesley snipes,

Not grady fromsanford and son.

I am the best that there is.

Wesley snipes is a pretty boy.

You know what I'm saying?

Otis is hands on. I get in there and take control.

O.k. All right, mr. Otis.

Just take us to our secret location.

There's no need because you are already there. Here.

What?

This is the first place they're going to look.

No, no, missy. O.k.?

This is the last place they're going to look.

The criminal mind is a stupid mind.

All right, mr. Otis.

Pam, if we're going to be here, let's get comfortable.

Not so fast, miss.

Not after a security check.

You might be working for the enemy, girl.

What enemy? Mr. Otis, you tripping.

I'm not tripping.

Between her big head and your caboose,

You could be smuggling enough weapons to blow all detroit up.

All right. Wait a minute now.

Hurry up and get this over with.

Damn.

I know the commercials say, "raise your hands if you're sure,"

But you're a little unsure, aren't you?

You smell like you been wrestling an alligator.

Hey, tommy.

Man, something ain't right.

Gina would've called by now.

I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason why they haven't called.

Duh. That's easy.

The criminals got 'em,

And they won't let 'em use the phone.

Cole, right now ain't a good time.

O.k.? It's not a good time.

O.k., My bad.

We'll come back to it later.

Look here, martin, you just need to chill.

Cole, go put on some music or something.

Hey, relax, man.

You telling me to relax.

[Music plays]

Here's a special news bulletin.

Donnie and clyde are at large.

This is the last bulletin you'll hear from me,

'Cause I don't want those crazy brothers hemming me up.

Hear that? I'm going to find gina and pam.

Hold on, martin. I'm sure they're in good hands.

They are being guarded by detroit's finest.

All we have to do is sit and wait.

What do you want to do first?

Sit or wait?

Aah!

It's o.k. It's o.k., Man.

That's cool, I'm cool.

All right. All right, now, look.

O.k., You o.k.?

Yeah.

There's nothing we can do.

We don't even know what they look like.

[Knock on door]

I'll get you something to drink.

Cole, get the door.

Man, man.

Excuse me. Are you the man of the house?

No, but I'm a friend of the man of the house.

Yeah, whazzup?

What's happening? What can I do for y'all?

How you doing? Is this the home of the witness?

Say what, partner?

He said he's a jehovah's witness.

Man, now is not the time.

My brother got a lot of stress he dealing with.

Stress all up in here.

His wife's at a secret location.

Actually, she's at her best friend pam's house,

Then a secret location,

But that's none of your business.

Cole, sit your empty head down.

Just sit down.

Please!

Now, whatever you brothers are selling,

We ain't buying.

Why, I just--

What the hell is...

Mr. Otis!

Mr. Otis, what is your problem?

You almost scared us half to death.

Better me than them, girl.

Now, listen. Rule number one--

If you fall asleep, you wind up feet deep.

Now, otis got some wardrobe for you.

Somewhere there. There you are.

Mr. Otis,

A bulletproof vest? What is this for?

Better safe than sorry, missy. O.k.?

Old otis can tell you that b*ll*ts hurt.

They hurt.

Really? Mr. Otis, have you been shot before?

Damn right, I've been shot, girl.

Took a ak- right here. Caught one right there.

Scarred me for life.

I see it scarred you, mr. Otis.

I caught one in the rump,

But that was from my wife.

Old otis don't creep no more.

Excuse me, mr. Otis.

It's got holes. What is this about?

Well, I'll just be damned.

I guess it ain't bulletproof then, girl.

But you know what?

It goes real nice with them jeans you got on.

What do you need all these weapons for?

Protection, missy-poo.

Excuse me, mr. Otis.

Be careful with that stun g*n.

You could hurt somebody around here.

Let me tell you something.

I've done this since y'all was in training bras.

You look like you still got some training to do.

Very funny, mr. Otis.

Like you could tell

With them coke bottle glasses you got on.

Yuk, yuk, yuk. That's real funny.

That's why there's criminals on your a*s.

With this taser, you got to keep the safety latch

On at all times.

If you don't, you do something stupid--

Aah!

Mr. Otis!

Mr. Otis!

Mr. Otis.

Mr. Otis.

Don't touch him, gina. Don't touch him.

Mr. Otis,

Are you o.k.?

Do I look o.k.?

Help me up, girls. Help me up.

All right, mr. Otis.

I don't think...

We're the ones that need protection.

You need protection from yourself.

I need the rest room, girl.

That taser got my bladder running.

He's been in there for minutes.

I say we roll.

Where are we going to go?

Donnie and clyde will k*ll us.

But if we stay, otis will k*ll us. Let's break.

True. Let's get out of here.

Hurry up. Give me my coat.

Got it. My jacket.

I got the door. I got the door.

Uh...

Um, uh...

[Whimpers]

Are those...

Are those g*ns,

Or y'all happy to see us?

It's a g*n.

But we are happy. Thanks for getting that money back.

Oh, you're welcome.

Donnie, shut up.

You two sit on the couch.

What are you going to do?

Make sure you never make it to court.

[Toilet flushes]

Who's that?

That's our, uh, top security agent.

Tops.

He don't play that.

[Clyde] shh.

If you're smart, act like we're your dates.

Our dates? I don't want a date.

Watch my hair, boy!

Clyde, let's switch.

My date's got a bad attitude.

You pulled my hair.

Well, look what we got here.

The minute old otis turns his back,

Y'all call your dates over.

Ain't that something?

Hope you don't mind.

I couldn't wait to see my baby.

That's all right, you young buckaroos.

I'm going on down to the car,

Get me some clean britches.

Otis! No! Please!

It's all right there, missy-poo.

These young gentlemen is gonna take care of you.

Look, as a matter of fact,

Why don't y'all take my g*n?

Take my g*n, and use it for protection

In case the robbers come back.

There ain't going to be no trouble now, mr. Otis.

Why don't you just take your time?

You know you got a kind heart there, boy?

Need more like you. Need more like you.

Just take your time.

Yep.

It's time for y'all to say your prayers.

Now I lay me down to sleep.

Not you, donnie!

Get over here, and take care of these two!

Do it right here?

But we'll mess up the nice lady's carpet.

Give me that g*n, fool! I'll do it myself.

Don't--don't--don't--

You know, boys,

I seem to have misplaced my car keys somewhere.

I know i--

Otis! They're going to k*ll us!

Say what, girl?

Ain't going to be no domestic violence up in here, right?

Mind your own business, and you won't get hurt, old man.

You want to run that by me one more time?

Mind your business, and you won't get hurt, old man.

Yeah. That's what I thought you said there, boy.

You just committed a -to-, boy.

What's a -to-?

I'm about to whup his a*s for -to- minutes.

Man! Please!

I don't even need a weapon

To deal with your rusty old butt.

You done lost your advantage there, boy.

Now I'm about to play like a dentist

And take out your teeth.

You're going down.

Come on with it!

Aah!

Now, don't you girls worry.

That was nothing at all.

Is that all you got, boy?

You must be sweet on old otis

'Cause that damn-sure was a love tap, boy.

Waah!

Stop screaming like a sissy,

And take your whupping like a man, boy.

Freeze!

Get on out of here! Goodbye.

Go on!

You know what? Gina, I'm so happy that is over.

Me, too, girl.

Well, I got to be honest with you, ladies.

I never thought I'd see you alive again.

Thank you.

Matter of fact,

We were taking bets here at the station.

So glad you're o.k.!

Baby, I was so scared!

But at least you had grizzly adams

To take care of you, watch your back.

You know, I'm hurt, martin.

I could have lost my life, as well.

I know.

Come here.

You get a hug, too.

I ain't got nothing but love for you, girl.

But at least you would have had eight lives left.

Get away from me!

You know, you messed up a special moment.

Now, you know, mr. Payne,

You can be proud of your wife and her friend here.

Thanks to their bravery,

We put away donnie and clyde for a long time.

I'm just glad that my baby's all right.

Since she's all right, it's all good.

Well, not quite.

You see, we still haven't recovered the stolen money.

Oh, thank you so very, very much.

You're such beautiful ladies.

I'm feeling the sun just a little here.

Uh, waitress, missy-poo!

Can I see you for a minute there, please?

How you doing there, lovely lady?

Look here, can you bring me

Another one of them bahama mamas?

My coconut's a little empty there, girl.

Thank you--oh!

Before you go, here, here.

Why don't you buy yourself a new dress?

Cover up them coconuts

You got stickin' out like that there.

If I wasn't so old, I'd bite one there, girl!

I'd bite one there.

Does somebody want to give me love?

Oh! Oh! You know what?

Here's some for you, some for her.

No. You didn't give me love.

You can't have it.

You get more love...