04x26 - Why Can't We Be Friends

[bunniefuu]

Mmm. Something smells good, baby. Damn!

Mmm. Something smells good, baby. Damn!

What you cooking, girl, gumbo?

No, baby. That's not gumbo. That's my hot comb.

Well, gina, what you using for grease, hot sauce?

No. I just want to make sure my hair looks good

'Cause today's a special day.

That's right. It is a special day.

Oh, you just reminded me.

The pistons are playing the celtics.

Isiah and larry bird coming back.

They gonna squash all that stuff they had--

Martin!

I'm just--

You don't even remember.

I remember.

I'm just messing with you.

Happy one-year anniversary, baby.

Happy one-year anniversary to you, too.

You remembered!

That's right, I remembered.

So whazzup? Want me to help you out?

No, no. That's o.k.

Why you acting so paranoid?

No, it's not that. I'm not paranoid.

It's just that--

I don't want you to set my hair on fire.

Remember the last time?

Oh, baby, that piece wasn't even yours.

Well, it could have been.

Yeah, it could have been. Yeah.

It looked like it blended in with everything.

I guess the texture wasn't right...

And the flame-- foof--caught.

But look, we wouldn't want your head

To catch fire this time,

'Cause if it did, be blazing in here likebackdraft.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Whwh

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

Mmm, baby, baby, you threw down.

That was delicious, girl.

You got busy on that dinner.

Thank you. Want some more?

No. No, baby. I'm cool.

Girl, you made enough food to feed a tribe called quest.

I wanted to make sure our first anniversary

Was a night to remember.

Did you remember to get them red pumps

So you can put on,

And I can just watch you strut your strut?

Oh, yeah, daddy. They in the back,

Waiting on ya, so I can strut it...

You're gonna do it like that.

That!

Yes! That's what I'm talking about.

But first--

First, I'd like to propose a toast.

O.k.

O.k.?

Mmm...

To my lovely wife, my queen--

Thanks for making this the best year of my life.

Oh, martin, that was nice.

[Knock on door]

Ooh. What?

Look, baby, act like we don't hear 'em. They go away.

We can get our anniversary thing.

No. We're just going to come right in.

Happy anniversary time!

See, we wanted to disturb you now

So we wouldn't disturb you later.

We just wanted to wish y'all

A happy anniversary.

Oh, wow, this is nice.

Tommy come by bearing gifts.

Cole come by bearing gifts.

Pam, you just a bear that came by, huh?

Are you shedding?

Is it hibernation time? What's going on?

Are you shrinking? Is it shorty time?

Thank y'all...

Stop.

Here, take this.

Pam, pam, take this. Take this.

Martin, look, since the champagne's open,

I'd like to propose a toast.

Well, you just make it quick, luther van-dome.

To martin and gina,

May this be the first of many happy anniversaries.

And may you stay married a long time, too.

Hsss... Hsss...

Whoo! Whoa...

Look--look, I got to tell y'all,

Thank you. Thank you for that toast.

Me and my lovely wife were deeply moved.

Now, would you deeply move your asses

Up out of our apartment

So we can finish our anniversary?

We know. We know.

Y'all have thingsto do.

That's right. Like what?

Get away from me.

Martin, look, before I go,

Can I get that suitcase back

I let you borrow for your honeymoon?

You mean the suitca--

Tommy, you gave me that suitcase...

Especially when I don't remember you giving us no wedding gift.

First, I did give you a wedding gift--

Those glasses that we were drinking from. Mm-hmm.

Did I get a thank you card? No, I didn't.

But that's a different story.

Martin, I could have swore

You told me tommy gave us that suitcase.

Baby, he did, o.k.?

Tommy, you just don't remember. Think.

I'm thinking, and I remember.

I think I remember saying you can borrow it.

No, you said I could have it.

I said you can borrow it.

Tommy, you said I could have it.

How you gonna tell me what I said?

Excuse me.

Hey, guys, hello!

This is my anniversary here.

Let's not ruin the night

'Cause it's not that serious.

Tommy, I will get you your bag.

Well, thank you.

I don't need attitude...

Baby, you right. I know.

Baby, look, don't get yourself upset.

I damn sure ain't gonna be arguing on my anniversary

Over no damn suitcase.

The only reason I brought it up,

I need it for a business trip.

Oh, man, please.

You ain't got no business, tommy.

Look, that's not the point. The point is--

O.k., Here's your doggone bag, tommy. Here.

There you go.

That ain't my bag.

Wait. Tommy loaned y'all a gucci.

Y'all done turned it into a hoochie.

I wasn't even talking to you, poochie.

This suitcase was tore up when you gave it to me.

That's bull. That suitcase was brand-new.

Tommy, if it's that big of a deal,

We'll get you another one.

No. Hell, no, no.

Damn that, gina.

He better be happy with the one he got.

Martin, it is not the suitcase, man.

Then what is it, tommy?

You come up here on my anniversary--

I'll tell you, brother.

It's the principle, that's what it is!

O.k., Hold up, now. Hold on, y'all,

'Cause I remember exactly how it went down.

The bag was brand-new.

I told you that bag was new.

You gonna listen to cole?

He don't know nothing, man.

But I do remember you said he could keep it.

Get away from me.

See? I'm saying,

Cole know what he talking 'bout.

The boy's a genius.

You don't know how to respect people's stuff!

Watch out.

You know what your problem is?

You don't know when it's time

To get the hell up out of here. Step!

You need to grow up, man!

I'll show you grown-up.

He can't grow up.

You know what? Both of y'all step.

That's right, step! Take scarriet tubman with ya.

Make sure you use the underground.

[Stereo plays]

Martin?

Baby, now that dinner's over,

You ready for dessert, honey? Hmm?

I don't believe tommy, gina.

How you gonna front on me over a suitcase?

Martin, baby, forget it.

Look, our anniversary is almost over.

Martin, I have a special gift

I want to give to you, boy.

Look, he gave me that suitcase, o.k.?

Now, if I'm wrong,

You just tell me, and I'll drop the whole thing.

Look, I love you, but I don't want to get into it, o.k.?

Oh...

Pffft...

Oh, so you gonna take tommy's side?

No, I'm not taking anybody's side.

I just want you to be the bigger man and apologize.

Apolog--please!

You telling me you want me to apologize--

Go out like a punk--

So that man can front me on our anniversary over some suitcase?

No, no. What I want

My man to do

Is to do what's right.

Tommy is your best friend, martin.

I don't know. Pffft.

I'm for real, gina.

Friend or no friend, I don't know if I can let that slide.

O.k. That's fine.

Now that our romantic evening is ruined,

I'll just go put my red pumps away.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. Damn, wait.

Whazzup?

Don't get so drastic.

Don't get so drastic.

Um...

Uh...uh, forget tommy, o.k.? Forget tommy.

Mm-hmm.

All right, let's go on in the back.

You put them red pumps in the air,

And wave them like you just don't care.

Pffft.

Hey, what's up, man?

Yeah, well...

What's happening, brother?

Yo, sam. What's up, man?

Hey, what's up?

Just getting my workout on.

Let's get together and play some ball this weekend.

Yeah. O.k. Peace.

[Mumbles]

So, we just going to act like a couple kids, man,

And not talk to each other?

Look, I spoke to you, man.

If you clean the tootsie roll out of your ear,

Maybe you can hear me, orville headenbacher.

Damn.

Aah!

Go!

Ruff!

Aah!

Aah!

Hey, this is crazy man!

Ahhh.

All right. All right.

Ohhh.

Bad cramp. Aah! Stay.

Aah. O.k.

O.k. Look here, tommy.

I'm going to be the bigger man about this.

Last night, when I threw you out my crib,

I wasn't thinking.

I should've let you be wrong and kept the peace.

I shouldn't have made a big deal about my suitcase.

Hope I didn't mess up your anniversary.

No doubt...

You did that, you know?

But, hey, it was just a misunderstanding.

Boom. We all good.

We cool. We cool?

All good.

Well, all right then!

Well, all right. Cool.

Y'all back together again.

Fighting and squabbling over something as stupid

As a raggedy old suitcase.

I mean, if y'all going to fight over something,

Fight over that money martin owes you.

Yeah, that's something to fight over.

Money ain't no joke.

What money you talking about, cole?

I--i don't owe tommy no money.

Oh, martin, remember that time

You borrowed that money to get your car fixed?

The next day, you showed up, the new jordans.

That's what he's talking about.

First of all, tommy,

I ain't never borrowed no money from you,

And those jordans I bought with my own money.

See, unlike you, tommy,

Idohave a job, man.

You got a point on that one, martin.

You think I don't?

Cole, you should be on my side.

I got you a job six months ago.

Right, and I've been meaning to ask you about that, brother.

When do I start?

You know what, martin?

I ain't trying to argue. Just forget the money.

Forget about my suitcase you jacked up!

Forget everything! Forget it!

You hollering--

You hollering louder than anybody in here, man.

Obviously you got some hostility in your heart

Over this suitcase, tommy.

So what, you want to throw it all up in my face?

Is that it? That what you're doing?

What if I throw these up in your face, huh?

Do what you got to, little man.

Little man? O.k.

What you got?

O.k, tommy.

O.k., O.k.

All right.

Hold on, now!

Now, come on, now.

Hold on, now.

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Y'all are supposed to be friends.

Now hold it, all right?

Fight! Fight!

Give me five. I got five on that.

No, martin, I'm not going to fight you!

I'm bigger than that, o.k.?

Well, then be a bigger man than me,

And step yo' a*s out this gym.

You know what? Never mind.

I'll leave. I'm out.

Fine.

Peace. Peace.

Oh.

Oh.

Just to confirm things,

As far as I'm concerned,

We ain't friends no more.

Cole, I'll holler at you.

[Knock on door]

O.k. Coming.

Hey.

Yo, yo.

Whazzup?

Whazzup, gina? Anybody home?

No, cole. No one's here. We're all out.

Word?

Sheesh.

Cole! Cole, come in here.

Do you want to see martin?

Nah. Tommy's still upset with martin,

So he told me to get the rest of his stuff.

What are you talking about?

He gave me a list. Here.

Let me see this.

"My back issues ofright on"?

"My electric football game."

It was a b*mb back then.

"My afro blow-out kit--" cole?

What does tommy need

With an afro blow-out kit?

Nah, nah, nah. That's for me.

If I get it, I can keep it.

This is ridiculous.

Tommy's gone way too far with this...

Way too far.

Who's gone way too far?

With what?

Martin, tommy sent cole over here

To get some stuff that you had borrowed.

Here.

"Rock 'em, sock 'em robot."

Oh, it's like that?

Tommy want to go back, huh?

Well, I can go way back, all right?

All the way back, o.k.?

You tell tommy I want my...

My apple jack hat...

O.k.? Be sure to get my apple jack hat.

I want my bootzilla star-child glasses back.

Make sure he get that back,

And I want all my rockwell albums back, o.k.?

Who's watching me?

Martin, you don't even need all that stuff.

I know I don't need them,

But I don't want tommy to have them.

Now take that back to him.

"Bootzilla... Rockwell..."

Hey, how about that blow-out kit?

No, but you can blow the hell out of my apartment.

Gina?

Yo, over here.

Hey. Excuse me.

What took y'all so long? Where's tommy?

Parking the car. Where's martin?

Over getting some snacks.

Let's deal with this one right here.

Yo, cole, come here. We got to talk.

What's up?

Check it out.

Martin and tommy don't know anything

About us trying to get them together,

So when you see them,

Act like you don't know jack.

Who the hell is jack?

Hey, tommy.

Hey, how you doing?

Look at you.

I know, it took me forever to find y'all.

Hey, cole, what's up, man?

Martin ain't here.

What is wrong-- boy!

Boy me?

I ain't told him martin was coming.

What did he say?

Nothing. He didn't say nothing.

Uh, uh, martin.

Martin, over here, baby.

We down here.

Oh. Hey, hey.

Come on. Come on, baby.

Yeah. Right here.

Tommy, we did this for your own good.

No. For my own good?

What is he doing here?

Now that I'm here, don't matter.

Why don't you roll?

I ain't rolling. I was here first.

Yo, gina, look. It worked.

They're speaking again.

Hey, martin. Baby, look, please.

Let's just sit down,

And let's enjoy the movie, o.k.?

No, I don't want nobody sitting next to me

Who can't return nobody's stuff.

And I ain't trying to sit next to nobody

Who be fronting on their friends.

Hey. Hey, man,

Don't nobody care where you sit.

Just sit down and shut up.

Right.

Nah. Nah. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Man!

No. You shut up, o.k.?

You don't know us like that.

Baby, hand me my chili dogs and popcorn.

Let's get out of here.

No, no, no, martin.

Come on now, baby. I want to see this movie.

Then we sit somewhere else.

Where we going to sit, martin?

This is opening night. There are no more seats,

And I really want to see this movie,

So come on and sit down.

All right, I'm going to tell you--

If I'm going to sit there,

I ain't going to say nothing to him,

Long as he don't say nothing.

We'll talk about that later, o.k.?

Don't flatter yourself.

I don't even see you. You ain't even here.

Where are you? Somebody see him?

I ain't say nothing to you.

sh**t. I'm running my thing, you run yours.

Sit down.

Nobody here, that's how it is.

Shh. Baby.

[Pam] calm down.

O.k.? All right.

I got this one, too.

Hey, hey.

Hey.

Excuse me, man!

Please keep your arm off my armrest!

I don't see your name written on this armrest.

You want to move your ashy elbow?

O.k. Now.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

O.k.

Martin... Tommy.

Tommy.

Martin.

Tommy and martin!

Shut up.

Now! It's starting.

Just putyour armover me.

Oh, baby,

I heard this movie was the b*mb.

Check it out.

Ack. Baby?

I'm sorry, baby.

[Slurping]

[Burps]

Do you mind, brother?

Hey.

Don't worry, he can't help himself--

Lack of home training.

Don't be talking about your moms.

I ain't say nothing about his mom.

You better stop instigating.

Hey, man! Check it.

I came here to watch a movie,

Not hear a soap opera.

Say, brother,

What is your name?

Aggravated man.

See what you done did, tommy?

What?

You got aggravated man all upset.

Me? No, no.

You keep starting stuff.

You can't even admit your faults. I'm out.

No, I'm out, man!

Cole! Cole, stop them!

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Now y'all have done it!

I am truly aggravated!

Man, what is wrong with you?

[Everybody yelling]

Gina, I hope you're through

With trying to get me and tommy back together.

Martin, I just think it's a shame.

Tommy was your best friend.

Yeah. You just said it,

"Wasmy best friend."

[Knock on door]

Hah. Aha.

I bet you that's him trying to apologize.

Tell him to step

'Cause I ain't having it.

Martin! Hey. If it is tommy,

You need to listen to what he has to say.

Yo, I got something to tell you.

It's about tommy.

So what you got to tell me?

Coming over here like a message boy.

No, you go back and tell tommy this, o.k.?

Tell dome ranger, o.k.--

Marty-mar ain't having it, o.k.?

Boom. Tell him that.

I just got a call. Tommy's been in an accident.

What?

His car flipped over four times.

Tommy's in the hospital.

You joking, right?