05x11 - Waiting, Debating and Ovulating

[bunniefuu]

[Continuous knocking on door]

Coming.

I'm coming!

Hey!

Oh!

Hi, roscoe, I've not seen you in a while.

How do you do? You look like you've grown.

Are you getting bigger?

No. But your lips are.

You look like you could suck the skin off some mcnuggets.

I'm serious.

That's not funny!

That's what I get for being nice to you. Good-bye, you old bag!

Wait, wait, wait.

Don't--what did I tell you about doing that?

Can I ask you something very important?

What is it?

Um, is it true that you and martin trying to make a baby?

You know, i--i-- I don't even know

Why I'm having this conversation with you.

Roscoe, you don't even know where babies come from, ok?

I do know where babies come from.

Babies come from dancing.

Oh, roscoe, that's kind of cute. Ok.

See, I accidentally was looking

Through the peekhole at my house,

And I see my brother with his girlfriend,

And they was under the cover doing the bump.

I'm sick.

Good-bye, you little nasty--

But I'm not nasty.

I'm not nasty. What? I'm telling you--

I'm not nasty, but I done see nothin' wrong

With a little bumpity-bumpity grindity-grindity.

Yeah, oh! Yeah, do it right there!

Captwhwhng made possible by warner bros.

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?

Hey, gina, baby. What's up?

Oh, no, no, gina. I was just making me a protein drink.

No, baby, the kitchen is just the way you left it.

Yeah, I threw the vitamin es in there.

That's right.

[Loud argument]

Excuse me.

Where's the respect? I'm on the phone.

Bro, you can call phone sex back.

Yo, yo, I tried that phone sex one time, tommy.

The phone ain't been working right since.

And I got electrocuted--

No, get away from me--

Hey, hey, man, look, can we all shut up?

I'm on the phone with my baby.

All right, what were you saying? Yeah.

What, baby? So you-- you're ovulating?

This is the time?

You know, I'm glad you told me that, gina, 'cause you know,

My tuskegee airmen are in formation.

They're all lined up, and they're ready to blast off, baby.

Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean?

Ok, so you--i--

Well, I'll see you when you get here.

That's right, I've been ready for it for a long time.

I'm going to hit some pushups. See you when you get here.

Hey, whoa, what you grinning about?

Uh, gina's on her way home for some lunchtime dessert.

Yeah? Yeah.

So what, man? You married.

You supposed to do things like that every day.

No, man, not when you're trying to make a baby.

You got to save up that batter

Until it's time to cook that egg.

Mm-hmm. That's what I'm talking about.

Has anyone got another $., So I can get another egg mcmuffin?

That's a damn shame.

Grown man ain't got $.?

He ain't got a ride either.

Damn pacer broke down again, man.

What?

He needs a ride downtown,

And I'm already late for work, so--

Oh, tommy, tommy, hold on, hold on.

How you going to be late for something you ain't got, man?

We go through this-- martin, look:

I figured, ok? Since you're already off of work,

Maybe you could take him.

All right, "dome alone."

Cool.

Cole. Hmm?

Why you got to go downtown anyway, man?

'Cause...i'm about to get broke off somethin' lovely.

Doing what?

Jury duty.

Get out of here. Jury duty?

Man, get this out of my face, man.

Come on, cole, get out of here. Wasting my time, man.

You know what I mean?

Now, you don't get paid no money doing jury duty.

Oh, ok, I see.

You ain't knowing. Check it out:

$ A day plus free meals.

Mm-hmm.

And check this out:

When I'm finished serving, I'm going to go ahead

And write me one of them books like christopher darden.

You know, get <span tts:fontstyle="italic">paid.</Span>

Uh...cole, I'm going to ask you--

Let me ask you a question, man.

How're you going to write a book

When you can't write your damn name?

I'll see you all later. I don't need any of this--

I understand, tommy, know that?

It's frustrating, man.

Don't even sweat it, tommy, don't even sweat it, man.

I can write my name.

Well, if the book deal goes down,

I'll hire myself one of them ghost writers then.

You know...although I have to admit

I never spoke to no ghostesses before.

Cole--

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

I know what you're thinking.

No, no, you don't.

No, you--not on this one, you don't.

'Cause if you did, you'd be running for your life, cole.

Why--man, you're just jealous 'cause they didn't call you.

Man, please. Man, please,

They call me for jury duty all the time.

Ain't been there once.

Oh, h* h*! Word? Yo, how you get out of it?

Man, please. Them folks send me one of them tickets?

Mm-hmm?

Rip-rippity-rip rip-rip, you know?

Bop! Court's adjourned.

This is it right here.

This is it?

Now, look, cole, make this fast, man,

I got to hurry and get back to gina

And handle some business, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah, I think I know what you mean.

Me and mom's trying to start our own business, too.

Cole, you know what, man?

The only case they going to put you on is a mental case.

Come on, man, what you talking about?

I am the perfect juror, ok?

I don't go nowhere, I ain't never seen nothing,

And I don't understand a damn thing.

Who's next?

Lady, there ain't no line.

Don't get smart with me.

Just step on up here if you're next.

That's me. All right,

Cole brown reporting for jury duty, <span tts:fontstyle="italic">sir!</Span>

Ma'am.

Uh, now, ahem,

I'd like to get put on one of those long, drawn-out m*rder cases,

You know,

Something I can possibly get myself a book deal with when I'm done.

Oh, you're one of those, huh?

Yes, ma'am. Proud to do my civic duty.

Before I put you on a case, I have to ask you a few questions:

Are you employed?

I was working with tommy strong for a while.

Unemployed.

Do you believe in the death penalty?

Do roaches count?

Wait, excuse me, lady, trust me on this.

You're going to have to put cole on a very simple case.

This is a simple case. Even a child could handle this one.

Oh. Well then, cole's your man!

You can handle that, cole.

Who is this man?

Oh, him? That's my boy martin payne, but lady, look...

Cole.

He don't do jury duty, ok?

Cole!

You better recognize. Shh!

Huh? Keep me out of that, man.

I don't let her play you like that. You the man!

Hey, looky here.

You know what he do when y'all send him them notices?

Rip-rip rippity-rip!

Oh, really?

Yup.

[Types at computer]

You the man.

Why didn't you leave me out of this?

Found it! Martin payne.

We've been sending you jury notices since .

Hey, ron! We got one.

Hey, what's up, ron?

She was telling me that somebody had sent me some notice,

But I have never got the notice.

That's not what you said.

You said, "rippity-rip, boom! Court's adjourned."

Hold on, lady, ok, 'cause i--this obviously is a big mistake.

But let me tell you: ain't no way

Old marty mart gonna be doing nobody's jury duty.

Bailiff: all rise for the honorable judge mahalia f. Justice.

Court is now in session.

Ain't this a bummer. Mm-hmm!

[Knocking on door]

There's my baby right on time...

[Romantic music plays]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

[Knocking]

I'm coming, I'm coming, baby...

Come on in here, boy, so I can give you some lunchtime lovin'.

Mmm...

Ohh...

Aah!

Well, looky-looky!

Somebody trying to get them some nooky.

Sheneneh, what do you want?

I'm expecting martin to be home.

Oh, good, girl, 'cause I thought you was having relations with yourself.

Oh, my goodness, I be cracking myself up, gina.

Oh, girl... I say you shouldn't do that.

Sheneneh, what do you want, girl? What?

I suggest you just you watch your voice, ok?

Or watch your tone with me, ok?

You do the light thing.

Ok, now I thought you had a body up here.

What?

But I see wasn't nothing but your stink perfume.

That is terrible!

Just go, ok? You-- just get out, ok? I got plans, go on! Go!

Well, anyway, unless you're cheating on martin,

You don't have no plans, ok?

Because I just saw your man martin

And his little thick friend cole

Heading down to the courthouse.

Yes, they was. They was heading down to the courthouse,

And that was cole in there,

'Cause I know cole be wearing all the masks all the time.

Girl, you don't know what you're talking about. Good-bye.

Look, believe it or not, ok?

But I suggest you start charging up some batteries.

Beep-beep-beep-beep.

Vroom-vroom-vroom! Excuse me...

[Sniffs] terrible! Oh...

The trial was over too quick, man.

Let's take our time deliberating.

Uh, what y'all want to eat, chinese or soul food?

Cole, cole.

Chill with all of that, man.

Now, you know I got to get home to my wife, ok?

Now, look, y'all, y'all vote "guilty,"

And let's be out of here. Please.

Ooh, I like a man who takes charge.

Oh, ha! Excuse me, honey, but I'm having a bad day.

You might want to turn down your high beams,

'Cause you're blinding a brother.

Thank you.

Maybe I'll order some pizza.

Pizza'll probably come quicker.

Hey, you like anchovies?

Cole.

Come on, man, vote.

Do the ballots. Put it in. Let's go.

All right, everybody?

All right, hand them in, hand them in.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Yeah, ok.

Man, this is going to be quick.

I'm on my way, baby. Just hold on.

"Guilty." That's what I'm talking about.

"Guilty." Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

"Guilty." Uh-huh.

"Nosent."

Cole.

How do you spell "innocent"?

N-o...

Sss-sss--

S-e-n-t, "innocent." ♪ "Innocent" ♪

Thought I couldn't do it, didn't you?

Cole, cole, whoa, whoa, cole, cole.

This is a open-and-shut case.

The man was caught on tape, man, from different angles.

I got reasonable doubt.

What reasonable doubt?

The man's own mama testified against him, man!

That's that boy's mama, man.

Well, I ain't convinced, all right?

Now, maybe we order some grub,

I'll be a little bit more convinced, you know what I'm saying.

Come on, man. Yeah.

Come on. Sure, sure.

Raise your hand if you're sure.

You know what I'm talking about.

Ok, all right,

Well, how about an order of knuckles?

Huh? You like it raw, cole?

Huh?

All right, now get your votes in!

Oh, it's getting warm in here.

Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. Lady, don't-- don't go there.

Please, please, don't go there. Not right now.

I ain't trying to see those right now. Not today.

Whoo! Hey, man,

Dinner was slamming, dog, ok?

And these ribs?

These ribs are the bob.

Forget the ribs, man. I got to get home to my wife.

Is that cool?

You're acting like I'm the problem, man.

Cole, let me explain something to you, man.

We've voted times, man.

Everybody's voted "guilty" except you, cole.

What's the problem?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. This just don't add up. Hold on.

What--what don't add up, cole?

I could've sworn I ordered some chicken fingers.

Some chicken fingers--

Let me speak to you for a minute, cole.

Oh, man, you're arguing about chicken fingers,

And we're trying to get out of here, man.

The man is guilty of breaking and entering.

All right? You're going to have to vote guilty, man,

Or else I'm going to have to break and enter your skull.

I hear you. Let's vote again. Come on.

Good, good, so I can get home to my ovulating wife.

Does that make sense to you?

That makes sense.

All right, now, everybody, please, your ballots in.

Please! I know what my vote is.

h* h*! We've been here over hours.

You know what that means, don't you?

Overtime, baby. Give me some. Give me some.

Come on. You.

Who cares about you.

All right.

"Guilty." That's right.

"Guilty." That's right, that's right.

"Guilty." Uh-huh.

"Innocent."

Who the hell voted "innocent"?

Hey, don't look at me, man. I didn't.

I did.

Yeah, um... Cole's right.

We did order some chicken fingers,

And I ain't leaving until I get me some.

[All talking]

Your ignorance is contagious.

I'm out of here, man.

You can't leave.

What do you mean I can't leave?

Where you going man?

This is court. This ain't jail.

No way...

Watch me.

Hey, man, whazzup, man?

Oh, this...

Oh, man, how y'all going to--

Oh, man, going to throw me back in here.

Like--oh... You rodney kinged me.

Like--oh... You rodney kinged me.

Ok, ok, let's go.

I cannot believe that we are doing this, tommy,

Just 'cause gina had to work late.

Ok. Ok, look: gina is on her way out here now, ok?

You know she's ovulating.

It's our job to get martin and gina mating.

Well, this whole thing is making me feel like regurgitating. Ahh...

Look, it's your best friend. Just do it, ok?

All right, tommy. I'm way ahead of you.

Hey, hey, where're you going?

I'm going to find out where martin is.

See, I booked him and gina a motel

Right around the corner from the courthouse,

So they can go in the room and do their thing--

Um, hold it, hold it, pam, babe...

How'd you know there's a motel on the corner?

Huh?

On the corner, babe, the motel. How'd you know?

Um...'Cause, um...

I--i--i--i've been there before.

How've you've been-- been there before?

Ahem...remember those parking tickets I got way back?

Right?

Um...what h-happened was,

Uh, I kind of persuaded the judge to drop the charges,

If--if you know what I mean.

No, I don't know what you mean.

How did you persuade the judge, pam?

Let's just say I took the law in my own hands.

I don't believe this.

[Quarreling]

Hi, can I help you?

Yes, officer. Hi, how are you?

Um, we're looking for a friend.

What's he in for? What did he do?

Oh, no, officer, he didn't do anything.

That's what they all say, lady.

No, no, bro', I don't think you understand.

See, um...

Her husband's on jury duty.

My <span tts:fontstyle="italic">what?</Span>

Would you just-- he ain't my husband--

[Quarreling]

Look here, um... She really needs her husband, see?

She ovulating,

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean,

But I don't think I needed to hear all that, bro'.

What you trying to say--

Tommy, just let me handle this.

Look, officer, you got to find my husband quick,

You know what I'm saying?

He's so small that he might get lost in the system.

Oh, ha ha!

That ain't funny, but I've work to do--

Look here, nobody can bother the jury

While they're deliberating.

Officer, look, you don't understand. I need my husband.

No, sister, I completely understand. Heh!

Hell, I got a wife and a mistress.

You've got a what?

You know something?

It's brothers like you that give brothers like me a bad name.

You tell him, tommy!

Ouch.

You know what? Women at one time,

Let me tell you something, brother.

If you ever need some help, here's my card.

You give me a call.

What are you doing over there? Stop!

Nothing, nothing--

Look, we got to go.

Hey, hey, hey. Look, lady...

The jury room is closed to the public

Until they reach a verdict.

[Snorts]

Look, tommy... W-what?

Just follow me, ok? I know this place like the back of my hand.

How do you know-- never mind,

Every-damn-body come to order!

Now, I say every-damn-body come to order.

Now, listen:

I'm trying to get home to my ovulating wife. Can I do that, please?

Fine, fine. I got one thing to say.

I'm going to squash all this nonsense.

Finally. Go ahead, cole.

I don't give a damn what you all think.

Mariah carey's black.

[Everybody talking]

She's blackety-blackety blackety-blackety

Black-black- blackety-black!

Sorry, man,

We deadlocked on this mariah carey thing.

I'm sorry.

You see what you done did?

You see what you done did, man?

You got these people acting the fool, cole.

I'm trying to get out of here, man.

Sorry.

Well, I don't mind staying a little longer.

Uh, honey...

I think the "breast" thing for you to do

Is to back up off me.

Oh, don't get me wrong now,

But back up off me.

Martin...

All this deliberating is making a brother delirious, man.

I could've sworn I seen pam

Sitting outside that window on a tree branch.

So?

She's probably building her nest.

Crows do that, you know.

True. But...

This crow is holding up a sign. Look.

[Reads sign aloud]

"You need to get busy with gina now."

I know that. I know that! Yeah!

"P.s." [Reads]

[Reads]

Yeah!

Now, <span tts:fontstyle="italic">that's</span>funny!

Cole. Cole!

Cole. Give me a hand with this window.

Ok.

Ok, cool. All right, man.

Get the chair.

Gina's out there. Motel on the corner.

Put it down.

Get over there now, and--uh! And--

Hello, everyone.

There's the judge!

Hey, your honor, you looking fine in those plumps--

I mean, pumps.

Excuse me.

Young man, is there any particular reason

That you're hanging out the window?

Uh...ha!

We-well, miss judge, miss, i--i--

I was just trying to get home to my wife.

See, she's ovulating, that--that--

No problem with me.

In fact, everyone can go.

You serious?

Yes. You people took so long to reach a verdict

That the defendant finally broke down and confessed.

This case is closed.

Good night, everyone.

All right! Yes!

That what I was talking about.

We went through all that, man.

I don't know about you, but I got to get myself

On another one of them cases, dog.

Right back-- yo, your honor!

Cole. Hey, cole-- miss demeanor do anything yet?

Hey, cole, don't leave me up in this window, man!

Oh, y'all...

Y'all serious?

Oh!

Gina!

Ah, damn...

I'll be there, baby, I'll be there!

Ohh...

There it is. Whoo!

All right. Here we go.