05x12 - You Play Too Much

[bunniefuu]

Look at him!

You were scared.

I never thought I would see the day

When mr. I-ain't- scared-of-nothin'

Is scared of a little roller coaster.

Man, tommy, please,

The super colossus ain't hardly a little roller coaster.

Martin, I knew you were built like a little boy,

But I didn't know you could scream like one.

Aah!

Ha ha!

Wait till I tell gina!

Ah ha ha ha!

Wait, wait, no, no, wait a minute.

When gina coming back from philly, now?

That ain't an issue right now, tommy.

What is an issue...

Is you all know damn well to get me on that roller coaster

Knowing I don't like heights.

We could look at you and tell that.

Whatever, smell gibson.

Now, back up off me.

I'm gonna take it to ya.

Hey, come on, come on, come on.

Come on. Hey, hey, on the real, now. For real--

You know you tricked my boy

Into getting on the super colossus.

You know you did. You know you did!

Oh, p-please, man,

Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Don't try and jump on my side now.

I heard you laughing, too.

That wasn't me laughing.

That was pam--ha ha!

No. Now, I know the difference between your laugh

And a hyena's laugh. I've been to the zoo--

I'm gonna touch him--

Ok, ok. Stop, stop, pam, pam, stop.

No, no, no, no.

Martin, don't try to change the subject.

You might as well admit it.

You were scared, and you got got.

Tommy, I ain't admitting nothing, man,

And I didn't get got.

What john gotti got to do with this?

Cole, go home. Get away from me.

I see what time it is.

See, martin can dish it out,

But he can't take it.

No, he can't.

If it were one of us, he'd be all up in our face...

Ahh ha ha!

Ah ha! Gotcha!

Y'all know I was just playin' with y'all.

But y'all play too much, though, all right?

Don't do that no more.

Don't get me on no roller coaster

Knowing I don't like heights. You know that, boy.

All right? I'm gonna get ready to get up out of here.

Hey, y'all play too much.

Yeah, he's crazy.

Remember, um, remember this, though.

Remember what they say.

What goes around...

Sho'nuff comes around.

It'll be back around.

Captwhwhng made possible by warner bros.

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

Gina, they got me good, baby...

But you know what? I got something for all of them, gina.

[Knock on door]

Yeah, each and every one of 'em.

Baby, but look, I love you, too, gina, ok?

Uh, give your mother my best.

Tell your father good luck with that hemorrhoid surgery.

How many?

Damn. You know, a lot of that sodium in that food,

That'll do that to you.

Yeah. Ok. All right.

Well, I love you, baby. Bye-bye. All right.

Hey, what's up, man?

What's happening, man?

I got these mousetraps you asked me for.

You came through like I asked you to.

That's what I'm talking about, colie cole.

Look, man, I may not know what's going on all the time,

But I know you, man.

What you up to?

Tommy, uh...

Tommy's afraid of mice, right?

True.

[Knock on door]

Oh, I see. I get it.

Just--just follow my lead.

W-watch a pro at work.

You know what I mean, cole?

Time for the big payback.

Yeah, it's him.

What's up, dog? How ya doin'?

What's up, cole?

Uh-huh.

Hey, hey, hey, martin, look here.

I just want to say this--

I'm glad to see you got over the little joke thing, you know?

It was just a joke, dog!

Ha ha ha!

Ah, ha...

Well, you know what, tommy?

I'm a grown man. Know what I mean?

I can admit when you, pam, and cole

Are just better men than me.

Hey, wait, wait, wait.

How come you locked the door?

How come I locked--

Oh, I didn't tell you?

No.

Uh...i got a mice problem in my apartment.

Could you help me catch these mice?

'Cause they gettin' on my damn nerves.

How come cole can't help?

Aah! Whoo!

God!

Yeah, yeah.

I really don't want cole helping me with nothin'.

Good point.

Ok, um, look, wh-what you want me to do?

Uh...

Step over here with me for a second, tommy.

No, I said step over here.

Oh, oh, oh.

Ok, uh, hand me that other one.

Take one of these traps, tommy,

And, um...

Put 'em on each side of the refrigerator.

The mice like to come out around this time of the day.

'Bout this time?

Yeah. Around this time. They do.

Yep. Man, i-- could I have told you?

Ha!

That's right. Fight back.

Here, mousy, mousy. Here, boy.

Ok. They're down.

Dang! Don't move!

What, what?

I won't move! What?

Ok. There's something by your foot, man,

And I don't know what it is, tommy.

What is it, martin? What is it?

Tommy, you better--

What is...

Aah!

Aah!

Yeah! I'm the man! Who the man? Who the man?

What? What?

It's a fake mouse, tommy.

Wait, wait...

h* h*. It's fake.

No, I knew it was fake.

Stop frontin', dog.

No, I was clearing my throat.

Just admit it, tommy.

You got got, man.

All right, all right! You got me, man,

But we're even now, ok?

All right, cool. I'm even with you.

But I still got to get pam.

Man, why you got to get pam back?

You know she don't like you.

Cole, you're about--

Look, look, man,

Y'all going down to nipsey's, right?

Yeah, yeah, we're going to nipsey's tonight,

But look, pam's got this date tonight, man.

You couldn't do that to her. It wouldn't be cool.

Hey, you know what, tommy?

You're just like a chicago bulls game, man.

What that mean?

You're always sellin' out. Cut it out.

Shut up. That's not even funny.

Ok, come on, let's go. Don't forget your coat.

Look here, before we go...

About the mouse incident, right?

That's just between us, right?

You get my drift? Between us?

Yeah, yeah.

Did you get my coat?

I got it.

I got my revenge.

I ain't gonna say nothing, man.

You mean to tell me big tom is afraid of a little mouse?

Man, when he saw that mouse,

He started jumpin' and kickin' and scratchin' like criss cross, man.

You would have thought he was in a group or something.

Yup, yup. Straight up. Straight up.

All right, spill the beans.

Whatcha going to do to me?

Oh, man, I ain't gonna do nothing to you.

We're boys, man.

I got your back, jack.

For real?

No doubt.

Always lookin' out there. sh**t.

I thought you was gonna get me, for real.

No. Not you.

Whazzup, big tom? Whazzup, doc?

How do you feel?

Hey, man, you gonna order something to eat,

'Cause I'm hungrier than a mug.

No, man, I was waiting for pam

And her friend chip to get here.

You know, she probably ran chip off.

Shut up, conjunction punction,

'Fore I flick your narrow behind back to wack-ramento.

How ya like that?

See, I wasn't even talking to you, wiggy smalls.

Don't be embarrassing me in front of my friend.

Embarrassing?

Hi. I'm tommy.

Hello, tommy.

Yes. Tommy and martin,

I'd like you to meet my very dear friend chip.

How you doing, chip? What's up, man?

Chip, you gotta take extra precaution with her, man.

Do you have all your shots?

Martin, shut up!

Just shut up.

So you're martin.

I heard when you got on the roller coaster,

You screamed higher than mariah carey?

Aah!

That was him.

Oh, if you guys will excuse me,

I have to use the ladies' room.

Promise to wait for me?

Yes.

All right.

<Span tts:fontstyle="italic">be nice.</Span>

<Span tts:fontstyle="italic">nice.</Span>

So listen, guys,

I'm about to go get us some drinks.

Chip, you want a drink?

Just a little ponch-- I mean punch, thank you.

Chip, hey, come on over here. Have a seat there.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, this place nipsey's here,

We like to come on and hang out here at nipsey's,

You know, chip?

Very nice.

So, chip, what, uh...

What do you do for a living, man?

Well, I don't like to tell too many people...

But I'm a cop.

Oh, you're a cop.

h*!

Well, um, you know, um...

I think nipsey got some extra doughnuts behind the bar.

Doughnuts?

All you want.

And pam said you were a jerk.

Said I was a jerk, huh?

Mr. Policeman...

Yeah. Ok.

All right, martin, where's chip, and what did you do with him?

Uh, I don't know where chip is.

Probably saw your face and ran off like emmett smith.

Big tom, where'd he go?

Pam, calm down. Here he come.

Oh, hey...

Doughnut. Ok.

I'd like to propose a toast.

Uh, pam, please, sit down.

Since when you offer me a seat?

With all due respect, miss lady, sit down.

All right.

I'd like to propose a toast.

May the two of you stick together

For a long, long time.

That's so sweet of him. Yeah.

What the hell?

Something sticky is on my glass.

What--

Martin!

Ah ha ha ha!

What is this?

Who's the man? Who's the man?

Martin, you are so stupid!

Gotcha! Gotcha.

You play too much.

You know what? I'm about--

You know what?

Payback is something else, boy!

I'm gonna get you back, man!

Pam, let's just get outta here.

But it's on my butt!

Come on...

I can't get it off my hands.

What are y'all lookin' at?

This ain't funny!

Get outta my way!

Oh, man! Ohh...

Is that you, baby?

Hey, hey...partner,

I know damn well I'm dreaming, right?

Be cool, baby paul. You know what this is.

What you mean I know what this is, man?

Oh...snap.

Pam sent you, right?

Pam?

Oh, word. Pam sent me.

No doubt.

Now, um...

Why don't you give me your watch and your jewelry?

Oh, you want my watch and jewelry?

Oh, well, cool, man.

Performance this good,

You can have all my jewelry, you know?

Ok, that's-- you know that's a rolex,

So those are tight, there.

That's right there and there. Boom.

Uh, let me think what else I can get you.

Let me get you some of my wife's jewelry.

You know, she got some stuff back there.

Why don't you look around,

Help yourself to anything you want, man.

Be right back.

Man, I'd have a harder time robbing stevie wonder's crib.

Here we go.

Got her top-of-the-line jewelry stuff here.

See that?

I didn't catch your name,

But I was thinking, why don't you take the stereo?

I think that rolls right out.

That's a good idea.

You know, man?

Yeah. Got your disks right here.

You can put those in here.

Um, is there anything else I can get for you?

Yeah.

Can I make a phone call, man?

No doubt. You know what I mean?

Here ya go. Go on and use that phone.

Yeah. Right there.

Yo, streetlight,

Meet me at the joint, minutes, paul.

You ain't gonna believe this one, man.

Good friend of yours, huh?

Gonna pick you up? Cool.

All right, wrap right around here.

Let me get this door for you.

Don't scratch it, you know?

Be careful with that.

Hey, yo, I wanna thank you, man.

This is the first time anybody ever helped me jack 'em.

Hey, cool, cool. Just do me a favor.

Tell pam...

She gonna have to come correct

If she wanna jack ol' marty mar. Know what I mean?

What's your name, partner?

Oh, they call me the m-e-t-h-o-d man.

Peace.

Hey, man, like I said,

Be careful with your-- you know--stereo and all that.

Make sure, you know, when the joke's over,

You give back my stuff, partner.

Ha ha...

Whoo-ooh.

Method man.

Sounds more like a-- a rapper than a burglar.

You know, why'd he bite into it like that?

Hey, man, you should've been to nipsey's, man.

There was some fine brothers up in there tonight.

Damn!

Ooh. Back to reality.

You know, I can't believe you tried to play me like a sucker, pam.

What are you talking about?

Uh, whoa, martin, what happened to your stereo, man?

I gave it to the burglar.

Burglar?

Yeah. Yeah, I gave it to your fake-a*s robber.

Ok, ok, hold on, hold on.

Fake robber?

Wait a minute. Oh...

Come on, martin, tell me you didn't give him anything else.

Just all of gina's jewelry. Why?

Oh, you--look, martin, look,

I did not send a stick-up kid here as a joke.

It was just fun for me seeing you paranoid, bro'.

You are talented. You are good.

You really should get a agent,

'Cause your skills are tight.

Ok, look, guys, I'm gonna call the police.

You better. Quick.

Tommy, k*ll the drama, man, ok?

The joke is over.

What part of "jack" don't you understand?

Martin, wait a minute.

Just look at me.

Don't make me!

Martin, I'm serious.

I did not set you up to be robbed.

Say what?

Jacked!

You got robbed!

Aw, damn!

[All talking at once]

Hey, chip.

You're never gonna believe this one.

All right.

What went down?

I was robbed!

All right, all right.

He knows that, ok?

Can you be a little more specific?

Uh, well,

What can I say?

I was robbed!

Ok, all right. Just tell him what happened.

All right. Well, um...

He robbed me for my hashitashi stereo

And my top-of-the-line rolex.

Some other jewelry and stuff like that.

How did he get all that out by himself?

Heh heh. Guess what. Skinny the pooh gave him a hand.

I don't get it.

I, uh...

I helped him out.

Excuse me?

I said I helped him out.

So, technically, you didn't get robbed.

You gave your stuff away.

[All laughing]

Shouldn't y'all be out lookin' for the other glove?

Just calm down.

I'm sorry, martin.

It's not every day

The jackee helps the jacker to get jacked.

So what you saying, man?

Are you gonna help me or what?

Look, we apprehended

A couple of burglary suspects earlier tonight.

Why don't you take a look at them

And see if you recognize anybody?

That's good. It's a start.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Justice! Justice!

Bring out the suspects.

All right, let's line 'em up right over here.

Let's go, quickly.

Here we go.

All right. All right.

Do you recognize any of these people?

They look familiar to you?

Yeah. That's him right there.

Right there in the black.

That's him?

I'm sorry, martin,

But we can't arrest him.

There's no evidence.

What you mean you can't arrest him?

Why'd you bring him out here?

Well, we were hoping that you'd have picked the overweight lover.

You had to see what she had on her.

Uh, all right, you can let 'em go.

Whoa. What do you mean, let 'em go, man?

What do you mean let them go?

You ain't lettin' them go nowhere, man.

Hold on, man. You ain't just gonna rob me like that, man.

You know?

Look, man, he even got on my watch.

I'm sorry, martin. There's nothing we can do.

Well, check it out. There's something I can do.

Ay-yaaah!

No, no, no, no, no!

All right. It's all right. It's all right.

Just listen to me, ok? Listen to me. Listen!

All right. I know. I know. Relax. Relax.

He cool. He cool.

How ya like me now, dog?

Who the man? Who the man? Who the man?

What?

I got you! I got you! Ha ha ha!

Tommy, that was good!

Ahh ha ha!

All y'all was in on it?

All y'all?

All of them was in on it, huh?

No, no, no. Do not look at me, flea-on sanders.

I had nothing to do with it.

No, no, martin. I did this all by myself, dog.

See, I knew you were going to be so worried

About pam gettin' her revenge.

Yo, that was good, tom dog!

Oh, you knew about it, too?

No, no. I didn't know nothing about it.

I did it by myself.

Was that funny?

That's hilarious.

Wow. You got a lot of friends.

All right, well, look, I'm gonna forget about it.

I'm cool.

I'll just meet y'all back at the crib.

Hey, wait, wait.

Meet us at the crib?

Yeah. I'll get my stuff back there at the crib.

What about us?

We rode in the same car, remember?

Oh, sh**t. Let me think.

Y'all better do like spike lee say--

Get on the bus!

Martin!

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Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.

I'm gonna call the police-- cross on that line.

Just push him. Just push him.

What?

Man: "your acting skills are tight."

Get to the point, dennis.

I'll catch on if you just throw it out there.

Yummm, it's good.

Delicious. It's good.

You gotta eat it like that?

It's all for the comedy.

Right.