07x04 - Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?

[bunniefuu]

♪ I feel pretty, oh, so pretty
I feel pretty and witty ♪

♪ And the caissons
Go rolling along ♪

Hi. How you doing?
How do I look?

-Studly.
-[TONY CHUCKLES]

-Maria.
-[CHUCKLES]

-Going out with Kathleen?
-Oh, yes, yeah. She's, uh,

she's making dinner
for me tonight.

She wants me to meet her father.

-Uh-oh.
-Uh-oh.

Why? Why? It's no big deal.

Um, I don't know,
meeting the dad?

Major step in the relationship.

Oh, come on, come on.
He's just in town
for a few days.

-It-- it's no big deal.
-Hmm, if you say so.

Oh, just remember
what you always tell me,
when I meet

someone parents,
"Mind your manners,

call him sir,
and don't wear a miniskirt."

See that. That's the beauty
of that advice.

It's good for both man
and woman.

-Oh, hi.
-[TONY EXCLAIMS]

Hi.

Are you, uh, are you sure
you had a good time, Angela?

Are you kidding?

The openness of the sea,
the smell of the air,

the spray in my face,
I love sailing.

[CHUCKLES] Well, technically,
it's not really sailing

unless you leave the dock.

-You never set sail?
-Well, I got a little carsick...

[CHUCKLES] ...on the way over,
and then I hit my head

on the boom, and, uh...

dropped my Dramamine overboard.

Well, I guess
I'll see you tomorrow, Angela.

Okay.

-ANDY: Um.
-[ANGELA CHUCKLES]

[WHISPERS] See you soon.

-Hope that rope burn heals.
-Yes. Yes. The rope burn.

[CHUCKLES] Okay.
All right, Andy.

-ANDY: Bye. Bye-bye
-Bye-bye. Bye.

Well, you seem to be hitting
it off well with Andy,

-the new guy. [CHUCKLES]
-Oh, Andy.

Yeah, well. Oh, well,
you look very spiffy.

Are you painting the town?

-No. Just dinner with Kathleen.
-And her father.

-Her father? Really?
-Yeah, yeah,

but, hey, it's no big deal.
[CHUCKLES]

Um, oh! I forgot my carrot cake.
It's her father's favorite.

I made the cutest little bunny
out of the icing. [CHUCKLES]

-But, it's no big deal.
-It's no big deal.

Well, uh, I don't envy him.

It's very nerve-wracking
meeting the father

-of someone you're dating.
-Have you met Andy's father yet?

No. Luckily he's dead.

Never mind.

Does anybody know
who this kid is?

Okay. Take a deep breath.

If he puts on a rubber glove,
I'm leaving.

Hey! Hey! Look, who's making
a house call.

-What do you say, buddy?
-Oh. So, you know him.

Do I know him,
are you kidding me, eh?

This is a Brooklyn boy.
He lives next door
to Mrs. Rossini.

She babysits for him.
How you doing, Bobby?

-It's Billy.
-Oh, yeah. Sorry, sorry, Billy.

[CHUCKLES] Cute kid, huh?

Oh. There's my little
Doogie Howser. [CHUCKLES]

-Slippery as an eel, this one.
-[LAUGHS] Hey, hey,
Mrs. Rossini,

I-- I thought you wanted me
to babysit Bobby next weekend.

-Hey, hey, hey.
-What, what, what, what, what?

It's Billy!

Sorry, sorry.
How swiftly he wins your heart.

Tony, you weren't listening.
Last week I asked you

to cover for me the week
after next.

So obviously that would be...

Okay, so I wasn't listening,
but I talk so much!

[CHUCKLES] I'm sorry Mrs. R.
I can't babysit for you tonight,

'cause I'm having dinner
with Kathleen and her father,

-and I gotta--
-Her father? Wait, wait.

-It sounds like--
-ALL: It's no big deal.

Well, jump down the Italian
lady's throat why don't you?

It-- it's okay, Tony.
I'll-- I'll babysit.

-I-- I'm in for the night.
-Oh, thanks, Angela.

Hey, you're the greatest, huh?
[CHUCKLES]

-Hey, I gotta go. See you.
-Yeah, me too. Oh, Tony, Tony.

-Nice chipmunk, huh?
-No, no. no. It...

-It-- it's a bunny.
-[LAUGHS]

-No, no, really. What is it?
-Yeah, please.

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ Open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail
And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life
A brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

-Oh, hey. Looks delicious.
-Dad will hate it.

What do you mean he-- he's been
in the army for 32 years.

If it's not served on a shingle,
he'll love it. [CHUCKLES]

-Well, then he's gonna hate you.
-What? Me? Are you kidding?

Hey, I'll win him over
with my quick wit

and my puckish charm.

And if that doesn't work,
I'll just give him my jeep.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, come on, relax.
It'll be fine. [CHUCKLES]

-[DOOR POUNDING]
-That must be Dad.

Or the Cossacks.

What's the matter with you,
opening the door

without asking who's there?
I taught you better than that.

Nice to see you too, Dad.

Hi.

What kind
of a boyfriend are you?

You let her open the door
like that.

What if I'd been
a strangler, huh? Huh?

Well, I-- I w-- was [STUTTERS]

You never went
for the eloquent type, did you?

-Dad.
-Well, at least he's not wearing
an earring

like that art student
you went out with.

What was that guy's name?

-Tony.
-Right. Tony.

What's your name, fella?

Zachary.

My friends call me Zach.
[CHUCKLES]

Billy. Billy, it's time to go
to sleep. It's ten o'clock.

You should be in bed.
I should be in bed.

What do you--
what do you say?

Five more minutes.

-You said that two hours ago.
-This time I mean it.

Oh, Mother. Oh, Mother.
Just in the nick of time.

We have a little boy here
who doesn't want to go to bed.

Maybe you can help.
Just... [CHUCKLES]

All right. All right.
I'll give it a try.

Billy.

Sweetie.

Go to bed...

or the bogeyman's going to come
and eat your face.

What's a bogeyman?

Well, think of Angela
without makeup.

-Mother.
-Sorry. All right,

it's too scary. Sorry.

So, you work full-time
as a housekeeper,

you go to college,
and you're putting

-a daughter through school?
-Uh, that's right, sir.

I-- I just want my daughter
to have the opportunities

-that I didn't.
-I hear that. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, show him the picture
of Sam,

-honey.
-Oh, yeah. Sure.

I gotta million at home.
Uh, oh, here she is.

-Here, that's a good one.
-Huh! She is lovely.

Who's the blond?

Oh. That's-- that's Angela.

She-- she is my boss.

You keep a picture of your boss
in your wallet.

Uh, yeah, yeah.
Um, well, don't you keep

a picture of George Bush
in yours? [CHUCKLES]

[ALL LAUGH]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

-There you are, sweetheart.
-Hello?

Oh, hi. Yeah, sure.
Just a second.

-It's Angela.
-Oh!

I'm gonna make some more coffee.

Okay. Excuse me.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Hi.
How's our little one?

Oh. Won't go to bed, eh?
[CHUCKLES]

Oh. We-- we're just babysitting
for a friend. [CHUCKLES]

Tony, I'm sorry to bother you,

but Mother's suggesting
we get a stun g*n.

Okay, okay. Look, put him on.
Let me talk to him.

-Yeah?
-Hi-- hi, Billy.

Uh, hey, listen, listen.
What's the matter,

-you don't wanna go to sleep?
-Five more minutes.

[ANGELA SIGHS]

Yeah. Well, look, I--
I know how hard it is

to go to sleep in a--
in a strange house.

Uh, I tell you what,
why don't I sing you
a little song

that I used to sing
for my daughter,

when she was a little girl,
right?

And let me tell you,
everybody who hears this song

just-- just feels warm,
safe and happy. Okay?

-Okay.
-Okay. Here goes. Ready?

♪ Who can turn the world
On with a smile? ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make it
All seem worthwhile? ♪

♪ You're gonna make
It after all! ♪

-Is-- is he sleeping, Angela?
-[ANGELA SNORES]

You know, she snores.

All right. All right. Well,
let her keep snoring. [CHUCKLES]

Listen, um, I've got a--
I've got an important job
for you, bud.

Go upstairs and tell Sam

that Angela's asleep
and that you're ready for bed.

-Can you do that?
-Easy.

Atta boy! Okay, see you later.
Bye.

BILLY: Bye.

[CHUCKLES] Kids.

That was real nice,
the way you handled that kid.

Firm yet gentle,
warm and loving.

Thank you, sir.

You like to sh**t g*ns
at people, Tony?

-P-- pardon me?
-I'm playing in
a w*r game tomorrow.

I'd like you to join me
in the trenches.

Oh, well, I-- I was going
with some neighbor girls

-to the Penney's white sale.
-Oh, you'll love it!

Me and the boys
put on our combat fatigues,

we slog through the mud

and sh**t each other
with paint g*ns.

There's nothing quite like
that feeling

when you nail somebody right
between the eyes.

Uh, more bunny cake, sir?

No, no, no. Tony...

[SIGHS] ...I've got
a confession to make.

Well, I'm-- I'm sure
you were just following orders,
sir.

No, no.

I'm 62.
My biological clock is ticking.

Tony... I'd like you
to have my grandchildren.

Gee, this is-- this is--
this is so sudden.

Of course, it's your life,

but I want you to know
I'd be proud

to call you son-in-law.

Oh, thank-- thank you, sir.

Good skin, perfect pores,
a broken nose.

I like that in a man!

Uh, Tony, could you help me
in here, please?

Oh, sure.

And he's good
in the kitchen too!

[CHUCKLES] Thank you, sir.

-[CHUCKLES]
-You and Dad getting along okay?

Oh, getting along famously.
[CHUCKLES]

Why was he stroking your face?

Has-- has he ever mentioned
anything to you

about his biological clock?

Oh, no.
He didn't say that, did he?

I-- I wouldn't make that up.
[CHUCKLES]

That's it. It's time Dad
and I had a little talk.

Oh, no, no, no. Wait a minute.
No, need to make a scene.

And besides, he--
he may be armed. [CHUCKLES]

Um... look-- look. I--
I know where he's coming from.

He-- he just wants his--
his daughter to have a family.

I mean, hey, I-- I want
the same thing for my daughter.

-I know, but it's not--
-Look, he's-- he's at a time

in his life when he wants
to be surrounded by his children

-and his children's children.
-I guess.

Sure, sure.
He wants kids fighting

for that wishbone
at thanksgiving,

and racing around the tree
at Christmas time.

Their-- their little eyes
lighting up

as they tear away
the-- the wrapping paper.

-[CHUCKLES]
-Uh-huh?

Yeah. [CLICKS TONGUE]
I mean, but most of all,

what he wants is,
he wants you to be happy.

With-- with a good home
and a decent, caring man.

-You-- you know what I'm saying?
-Oh, yeah.

And coming from you
it sounds wonderful.

-[CHUCKLES]
-I'm so happy. [CHUCKLES]

I saw a bug in your cereal.

Where?

There.

That's not a bug, it's a raisin.

-It's a bug.
-A raisin.

-Bug.
-It's a raisin. I'll prove it.

Excuse me.

Hey, Jonathan!
What was-- what's bugging him?

-Hey, buddy, how you doing?
-It's Billy.

Oh, no, I mean buddy as in...
Oh, never mind.

So, how was last night?
Was it no big deal?

Yeah, I don't know.
It was great. It was great.

We hit it off good.
You know, in fact,

me and her father,
we gonna play w*r games today.

I played a w*r games once
with this guy named Larry.

See he was a general,
and I was this spy

-with vital information. So--
-Would you, please?

-I'm glad it went well, Dad.
-Yeah, it did. It did.
[CHUCKLES]

Although... [LAUGHS]

There was one kind of a--
a funny misunderstanding.

-[LAUGHS]
-Yeah. Wh-- what was it?

-This is gonna k*ll you.
-[MONA CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

Me-- me and Kathleen
were talking, and-- and somehow

she got the crazy idea that--
that I wanted to get married

and have kids. [LAUGHS]

Wait, I'll-- I'll tell it again.

We heard you.

The next thing you know
she's gonna have you shopping

-for furniture and silverware.
-[CHUCKLES]

Actually, it's China.

Good morning. Good morning.

-TONY: Morning.
-Nothing for me, Tony.

I'm having breakfast with Andy.

-Uh, however, I was thinking--
-Dinner?

-Yeah, maybe we could defrost--
-Those salmon steaks.

Yeah, because the other night
we had--

Exactly. When you have too much.

-It makes you feel, ugh.
-Ugh.

Wow!

That was good.

Anybody want a cigarette?

I-- I've...

gotta run. [CHUCKLES]
Gotta-- gotta run.

-Oh, Sam, could you--
-Drive you to the train?

-No, lend me your scarf.
-[CHUCKLES] I knew that.

Well, you'd better
get going, too.

You have quite a busy day.

I mean,
furniture shopping at 2:00,

wedding at 6:00,
house hunting at 8:00,

-baby at 11:00.
-[CHUCKLES] That's not funny.

[MONA LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

I'll give her a baby at 11:00.
That's all I need,

a baby at 11:00.
[SCOFFS] Baby...

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

♪ Ave Maria ♪

♪ Maiden mild ♪

♪ Oh ♪

This looks like a nice
house for us, honey.

-[LAUGH]
-TONY: [LAUGH] Oh, oh, oh.

[GASPS]

Mr. and Mrs. Micelli. Welcome.

[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT]

-Oh!
-Congratulations, it's a girl.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[COOING]

My God! That was fun.

I could have played
all afternoon. [GRUNTS]

-Yeah. Me-- me too.
-Hi, guys, how did it--

Oh, dear. You got slaughtered.

It was an incredible act
of bravery.

He threw himself into a trench
full of enemy soldiers.

I was being chased by a bee.

Self-effacing.
I like that in a soldier.

Well, I've got to go
to the little grunts' room.

You did fine, son.

[CHUCKLES] Wow!

Lucky for me you're a lover,
not a fighter.

It was a really big bee.

Hey, listen
after you've cleaned up

and we've had lunch,

let's hit the furniture stores,
okay?

Uh-huh.

-What style would look better...
-[TONY CLEARS THROAT]

-...in here?
-Oh, I-- I don't know.

-Mediterranean? Colonial?
-Oh, what-- whatever you like.

But you spend
a lot of time here.

I want you to feel comfortable,
like it's your home, honey.

Oh! Look, I-- I--
I'm not ready for a home, honey,

you know, and I-- I'm not ready
for to be a son-in-law.

And I'm-- I'm definitely
not ready for fine China.

Look, Kathleen, you're terrific,
you're wonderful,

but there's something
holding me back and--

and I don't think I'm ready
for-- for marriage

and kids until death do us part.

Uh, Tony,
I don't wanna get married.

You don't?

-No.
-Oh.

So do you have any turpentine?

But I have been thinking
about it lately,

especially since that speech
you gave last night,

you know, about children
and children's children.

Oh, well, you know, you-- you--
you must have misunderstood,

because, you know, I was talking
in a more cosmic,

uh, sort of a univer--
I was drunk.

It's Angela, isn't it?

-What is?
-That something
holding you back.

[SIGHS] Listen, Kathleen,
I mean,

I don't-- I don't know
where I'll be

or what I'll be doing
in the future, but...

right now, I-- I can't seem
to see it without her.

I mean, somewhere,
possibly in a diaper.

I see.

Look-- look, let me try to,
I mean, what I'm trying to say--

No, you don't have to explain.

You thought I was getting
too serious.

-Honey, you know.
-You don't feel right

leading someone on
when in the back of your mind

-there's someone else.
-Well, yeah.

And even though
what we have is great...

it's best for both of us
to break it off now

before someone gets hurt.

[SIGHS]

Boy, that was the hardest thing
I've ever had to say.

No, the hardest thing
will be telling my dad.

Telling me what?

What happened to you?

I just, uh, broke up
with Kathleen.

Oh. Looks like she took it hard.

Oh, it was-- it was terrible.

The tears, the pleading,
the pillow tossing.

-Yeah, poor Kathleen.
-That was her father.

Well, what are you waiting
for, man? Hmm?

Run on upstairs and tell Angela
you're back on the market.

What you talking about, Mona?
Angela's--

Angela is involved
with somebody.

[CHUCKLES] You mark my words.

You tell Angela
you're free again,

she'll drop that Captain Andy
like a hot anchor.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Oh, come on.
No way, no way, Mona. Hey, hey,

you know, Angela's got a life
of her own,

and there's no way
I'm gonna burden her

with my problems.

Okay.

-Hi.
-I broke up with Kathleen.

Oh, Tony. I'm so sorry.

Uh, what-- what happened?

There was just a lot of stuff
getting in the way, you know.

College, work, and...

things.

Right. Things.

-So... so, you okay?
-Oh, yeah, sure.

I, actually, I-- I think
this was for the best,
you know, I think--

I think I'm just gonna stay
home tonight

and watch one
of them old musicals.

Maybe, uh, Singin' in the Rain.

Oh, I love that movie,
especially when--

-Oh, me too and then when--
-And Donald O'Connor,

-he does that--
-And then they sing...

-♪ Good morning, good morning ♪
-♪ Good morning, good morning ♪

-I'll make the popcorn.
-I can't.

-Huh?
-I have a date with Andy.

Oh.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Oh.

Well, uh, we'll do
it another time.

Sure. No problem.

-Hey, uh... have a nice time.
-Oh, okay.

[TONY SIGHS]

Hey, I'll watch a movie
with you, Timmy.

-It's Tony.
-[GIGGLES]

TONY: Who's the Boss
will be back in a moment.

Stick around.

See Mrs. Rossini he made
this picture for you.

Oh.

Aw! It's a giraffe.

No, it's a bunny.

I never get these.

Well, give Tony my love.

And tell him we're sorry
we missed him. I--

-[TONY BREATHES HEAVILY]
-[ANGELA GASPING]

Oh, Tony, were you playing
w*r games again?

No, worse.

I finally made it
to the Penney's white sale.

[♪♪♪]