08x12 - Tony, Can You Spare a Dime?

[bunniefuu]

[HUMMING]

-What are you doing?
-Shopping day.

Eighty-nine cents
for cling peaches?

Boy, they've got nerve.

Hey, put that back.
Don't they feed you at the dorm?

Oh, please, relax.

Dad will get more.
He's at the market.

Okay, well, I'm all done
down here.

I'm going to be upstairs
in the cosmetics department.

-I am so humiliated.
-What happened?

I'm the laughingstock
of the neighborhood.

A man disgraced, branded.

I'll never be able to show
my face outdoors again.

This is all you bought?

The check Angela gave me
for groceries last week,

-it bounced.
-You're kidding.

People shunned me, Sam.
They shunned me.

You know what I mean,
it's like,
they didn't want to look at me.

The bag boy, he even looked away

when he said,
"paper or plastic?"
It's unbelievable.

Oh, poor Dad.

So, this is all
they let you buy, huh?

-Yeah.
-Dibs on the Chiclets.

Guess again, fat boy.

-Hey, hey, hey!
-What! What is going on?

What's going on, Angela?
You wanna know

what's going on?
I'll tell you what's going on.

Talking about
public humiliation,

a shame that casts its shadow
over the entire family

-leaving no one untainted.
-All right, I'm sorry.

Damn the invention of videotape.

I'm talking about Angela's check
for the groceries.

It bounced,

but I'm taking away
your camcorder.

Oh, Tony, I'm sorry.
I transferred some money

out of the household account
to cover some business expenses.

and I guess my deposit
didn't clear in time.

Well, why don't you use
business money

to pay for business expenses?

Because the business
doesn't have any money.

-What?
-Nothing, Mother exaggerates.

We're just in kind of
a slow cycle right now.

It's nothing to worry about.
I'll call the bank,
I'll straighten it out.

Please do. Sheesh.

A quart of milk.

-What's the matter?
-The phone's dead.

I guess the check I sent
to the phone company
bounced, too.

-Whoa!
-Where are you going?

To take a shower
before they turn off our water.

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and
A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you,
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

Gee, Angela, I had no idea
the business was in trouble.

It's not.

It's just that
during a recession,

one of the first things
companies do is

cut back
on their advertising budget.

And a couple of my clients
had to do just that.

Well, you-- you know
you should've said something.

Tony, I've guided the agency

through rougher waters
than these,

and we've always
come through.

That's what the skipper
said to Gilligan

before the three-hour tour.

A three-hour tour.

Tony, Tony,
it's not that bad.

I-- I believe you,

but just in case,
a little scrimping and saving

might not be a bad idea.

We don't have to change
our lifestyle.

Okay fine, but let's just
cut out what we don't need.

Okay. Okay,
that's not a bad idea.

Great, great. Then,

how about putting me in charge
of the budget?

Oh, Tony, wait.
I've always handled that.

But let's face it, Angela.

I got to be better
at economizing than you.

I mean look,
you grew up with a silver spoon.

I grew up with a tin cup.

I lived high on a hog.
I lived on a shoestring

-and had to learn to cook it...
-and had to learn to cook it...

-...eight ways.
-...eight ways.

I must've heard that
a thousand times growing up.

-I think Dad loves being poor.
-That is not true.

It's just that you kids
never learned

-the value of a dollar.
-The value of a dollar.

See. He's got a million
of these.

Well, then, he's probably
the best person
to handle the budget.

You tell us what cutbacks
to make, sir.

-And we will make them.
-You won't regret this, Angela.

'Cause I found out
one thing in life,

you watch your pennies, and

-the dollars will take care--
-Dollars will take care--

Cut that out!

[HUMMING]

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Close that door.
You're wasting electricity.

What are you-- you got a cousin
at Con Ed?

Okay, I was just looking
for the mustard.

It's right here. [EXHALES]

I'm doing my shopping
at the economy club now.

You hear their motto?
If you can get your arms

around it,
you didn't buy it here.

If you say so, hey,
you've got any chips?

Yeah. Right here. [GRUNTS]

I-- I'd ask for a pickle,
but I'm afraid.

-MONA: Tony!
-Oh.

That's Mona, probably looking
for her shampoo.

Hey, hey, Mona.
Where have you been, Alaska?

No, my apartment.
Tony, please

turn the heat on.

Come on, Mona.
I put it on a timer

it's gonna kick in,
in about 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes?

I'm gonna go sit
by the fire we'd have.

If we weren't too cheap
to buy wood.

[MOCKING MONA]

-Hi.
-Hey, Angela!

Working pretty late
for a Saturday, huh?

Oh, yeah. We're working
on the Hartman Campaign all day.

-It looks really great.
-Great.

When I land this baby, austerity
will be a thing of the past.

Good, good. But either way,

we'll never have to buy
mustard again.

-Quick. Cable. Now.
-Ah. Daughter. Come. Visit.

Sorry guys. But in ten seconds
there's a live U2 concert,

and the dorm
doesn't get cable.

Well, either do we.
'Cause I canceled it.

You mean, we have to watch
regular television?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, we're not that desperate.
Hey--

We're gonna have
a good night anyway, right?

We'll have a-- We'll have
a nice, normal family night.

What do you say we start
with a game of Clue.

All right.

Oh, look.
Here's Colonel Mustard.

In the living room
with a knife.

Oh, gee. That was fun.
[CHUCKLES]

I dropped the knife
in the jar.

Can't we buy condiments
that are smaller than I am?

Can we have cable like civilized
American families?

Well, I would settle
for just a little heat.

Tony is just trying to help.

Do you think he enjoys
being the bad guy?

-MONA: Yes, I do.
-SAM: Absolutely.

There's no doubt about it.

No, he does not.

He's made more sacrifices
than any of us.

And I think it would behoove us
to follow in his footsteps.

Aw, Angela, "behoove,"
I love that.

It's so nice of you to stick up
for me like that.

Well, Tony, I think

we should show you
our appreciation and support.

Hey, yo, wait a minute.
Is that a new blouse?

No. It's been hanging
in my closet.

Since when?

Since yesterday
when I bought it, okay?

-Aha.
-Angela, how could you?

-And silk!
-[ALL GASP]

It is not like that.

I needed to rally
the troops today.

And to do that I had to feel
like a winner.

And this blouse
gave me the confidence I needed.

All week long, I'm collecting
dryer lint to make a quilt...

and you go out buy yourself
a silk blouse?

Tony, I'm-- I'm sorry.
You're right. I'm wrong.

No more shopping.
I promise.

Okay, okay. All is forgiven,
look,

we can still have a fun night,
I'll get some popcorn

and we'll finally find out
who's the best Yahtzee player

-in this house, huh?
-Okay.

I hope he falls into a big vat
of discount butter.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

I'll get it. Hello.

you guys have fun,
I'm gonna go to Barney's

-and watch the concert.
-I'm getting out of here, too.

My luck will be crushed by one
of Tony's giant Yahtzee dice.

Okay, okay. Buh-bye.

What's wrong?

-We lost the Hartman account.
-You're kidding!

No, they signed with BT and O.

They must've come in
with a lower bid.

I knew we should've cut
our prices, it's all my fault.

-Where are you going?
-I-- I just

gotta get some air.

I'm gonna go sit
on the hood of the car.

Seems to work for the cat.

Okay. Now the games begin, huh.

Oh, I get it.

Hide and seek.

[GASPS]

You went shopping
after what Tony said?

I don't need his approval.

If I want to buy something,
I can buy it.

I'm not afraid of Tony.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Give me this. Angela.

Two skirts,
a pair of shoes,

and three belts, Angela?

Well, we're supposed
to be tightening these,
not buying them, Angela.

So, I slipped.

I had some bad news.
And I had to get out.

When I was out, I just happened
to see some things

I wanted to buy,
it won't happen again.

You bet your life,
it won't happen again.
Because you know why?

You're giving me
all your credit cards.

Excuse me?

Obviously, you can't resist
temptation.

You put me in charge.
Hand them over.

I will not. What if there's
an emergency?

-Like what, a sale?
-Tony!

I'm putting you
on an allowance.

An allowance?
I'm not a child.

Well, you're built like one.

Hand-- Hand them over.
Hand them over.

I will not. I will not.
I need my cards.

Wh-- What are you saying,
Angela,

that you can't do
without them?

Don't be ridiculous.

I can stop shopping
for as long as I want

whenever I want.

Put your plastic
where your mouth is.

Okay. Okay.

Fine.

God! The promised land!

-I don't believe this.
-Are you happy now?

-It's for your own good.
-Right. God, I feel so naked.

Don't touch those packages.
They're going back.

-Foot Locker has a credit card?
-Wow! Let me see that.

Get away from here,
get out of here.

[HUMMING]

Here. Wash this.

Mona, there were seven pounds
of chips in there.

-Where did they all go?
-[BURPS]

Hello, hello!

Tony, here's my recyclable
lunch bag

-and some lint for your quilt.
-Oh, lint!

Great, great!

I got to hand it to you, Angela.
These couple of days,

you've been a model
of economic restraint.

Well, thank you, Tony.

But we may not have
to do this much longer. Tonight,

I'm meeting with one
of my biggest clients,

and we're going to be talking
about his new campaign

and it's back to business
as usual!

That's great!

Well, you can't keep
a good woman down.

Well, you can
if she's really good.

I need a bicarb.

Hey, what do you say,
what do you say?

How about a nice power
breakfast to get you started?

Oh, no. Thanks, Tony,
I've got to get going,

I've gotta go over
my presentation.

for my files together

and I'll need my gold card
and my umbrella.

Your, uh-- Gold card?

Yes. Um-hm. I'm taking
Reed Hamilton to dinner tonight.

And I don't think
his stretch limo

will make the turn
into the drive-thru.

Mm. Drive-thru? Oh, I get it.
I get it, well.

Wh-- Why take him
to an expensive fancy restaurant
why not bring him here?

I don't think
that's a good idea.

Why not, why not? I've cooked
for your clients many times.

They've always loved it.
Unless...

Unless what?

Unless you need the card
for some other reason.

-I most certainly do not.
-Then what's the problem?

There's no problem.

-We'll eat here.
-Right. Great. Great.

I promise you, I promise you
an evening of dining

as elegant and refined
as any Manhattan restaurant.

[BURP]

You see?

Close your eyes,
it's the Russian tearoom.

[TONY SINGING]
♪ And you see the crowd ♪

♪ And you watch to grow
Yes, you see the crowd ♪

Mother, I want to talk to you
about Reed Hamilton.

I know, I know,
don't flirt with the clients.

No, actually, I want you
to flirt with him.

You do?

Boy. The company
really is in trouble!

-[DOORBELL RINGING]
-I'll get it.

-Hello.
-Shut up and kiss me!

-How's that?
-Subtle. Very subtle.

-Welcome, Reed.
-Angela, Tony...

-Hello, sir.
-It's so nice of you

-to invite me.
-Oh, yes, of course.

Come in. Sit down.

I hope you don't mind
coming here to eat

instead of a nice
restaurant in Manhattan.

Are you kidding? I eat
at restaurants so often,

I can't remember the last time
I had a good home-cooked meal.

And you were worried.

Caviar!

-Beluga?
-Uh-uh. Eggplant.

Made it myself.
Seventeen cents a serving.

-It's delicious!
-Yeah.

It won't give you
fish breath, either.

Reed, have you ever seen
fish do it?

No, but my hotel has a Koi pond.

Cassoulet? Reed!

Ca-- Cassoulet?

Ah. Oh, that's wonderful.

You didn't do this
for 17 cents a serving.

Right you are, Reedo. Twelve.

Cassoulet's a fancy name
for pork and beans,

but it sure does taste
expensive, doesn't it?

Tony, I'm impressed.
You know, I grew up poor,

so, I appreciate people
who know the value of a dollar.

Hey, hey, we were poor, too.

I can remember,
when I was a kid,

my mother making me a bowl
of tomato soup

with hot water and ketchup.

You had a bowl?

My mother used to pour hot water
into half a squash,

and when I'd finish eating
the insides,

I'd use the rind for a hat.

You had a hat?

Excuse me, Angela.
Let me tell you something,

When it rained, I used to walk
to school on my hands

-so my hair wouldn't get wet.
-[BOTH LAUGH]

Once-- Once when I was a kid,

I snagged my riding britches
during dressage--

[TIMER DINGS]

Well, there's dinner.
It's too bad, too.

'Cause I was dying to know
what happened to those britches.

What the hell is dressage?

Reed, may I show you
to the dining room?

Well, I need to talk
to Angela first,

if you don't mind.

But if you get lost,

just put your lips
together and say,

"Cassoulet."

-Reed--
-Take a message.

Reed, you wanted
to tell me something.

Oh! Oh, yeah.

Angela, I want to commend you
on this dinner tonight.

This shows me
that you're a woman

who's really in touch
with these lean times.

Thank you. I try.

That's why I know
you'll understand

why we can't go ahead
with this campaign.

-What?
-No.

Would be a mistake

to introduce a new product
into the soft market.

But people always need
to use soap.

And we can skew the ads
to the budget-conscious buyers.

I know. It'll have to wait.

I see.

Okay, what do you say, let's hit
the old dining room, huh?

-First course is ready.
-[CHUCKLES] Oh!

-Oysters Rockefeller, eh?
-Close.

Tofu on the half shell. [LAUGHS]

-Son, you're incredible.
-Thank you. Thank you.

Come on, honey.
Let's go, huh?

I think this is going great,
huh?

Try some of the tofu, huh?
Six cents a shell.

Come on, come on.

[♪♪♪]

MAN: Now, this is a special item
for the shop-at-home network.

The molly moo-cow creamer
and matching calf sugar bowl!

[SIGHING]

A moo-cow!

So, call now, shoppers.

Because,
you only have two minutes

to get in on this
fabulous deal!

Hello. Yes.

I'd like to order
my molly moo-cow creamer set.

Yes, yes.

My credit card number is...

Uh...

Uh, wait! I'll find a receipt!
Don't go away.

MAN: Only a minute
and a half left!

I'm going! I'm going!

Okay...

Oh!

Are you there? Yes!

Okay, the number
is 4056





Seven, what--

Oh, this stupid eggplant stain!

I can't read
the last two numbers.

Can you just make them up?

Angela...

You are busted.

-I didn't do anything.
-Oh, you didn't, huh?

Leaving the TV on,
when nobody's watching it

wasting electricity!

What, have you got
a cousin at Con Ed?

Sorry.

Hey, wait a minute.
What-- What happened here?

Uh, I was just making sure

that we didn't throw out
anything we could recycle.

Oh?

What are you hiding
behind your back?

Nothing, nothing.

Gosh! Whew!
You look so adorable tonight!

What do you say we go on
the couch and get cozy?

That sounds great, Angela.

-Give me that!
-No, no, no!

What-- What's this?

A credit card slip?

Oh, is it? [LAUGHS]
How about that?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
A credit card slip,

the TV tuned
to the shop-at-home network.

You were going
to buy something.

So what? So what
if I was?

I had a really lousy day!

What are you talking about?
I thought dinner went great.

Dinner went great.
Business didn't.

Reed canceled the campaign.

Oh, Angela, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give me my credit card!

I only have 35 seconds
to order my moo-cow!

I will not!

Oh, yeah?

-Angela!
-Give me my credit card!

I'll get them myself!

Angela, hey. Angela.

Hey, I've never seen you
like this, Angela.

Rummaging--
Rummaging through garbage,

lying, trying to seduce me.

And for what, for what!
For some stupid porcelain goat?

Cow! Cow, cow, cow!

I want it!
It'll make me feel better!

MAN: Only 25 seconds left

to get your very own
creamer set!

I'm coming!

Don't you see,

that by buying something
is just a temporary fix.

Who cares? You string enough
temporary fixes together,

the next thing you know,
you've got a permanent fix.

MAN: Just ten seconds, shoppers!

Five seconds!

Where are my credit cards?

I hid them somewhere else.

-Don't you trust me?
-[BELL RINGS]

MAN: Oh! Time's up,

and we'll never be offering
these moo-cows again.

No!

I hope you're happy!

Frightened would be
a better word.

-What's the matter?
-You're frightened?

How do you think I feel?

My whole business
is falling apart.

Angela, it's--
It's just a slump.

-It's not the end of the world.
-It's the end of my world.

Tony, advertising
is the only thing in my life
that I've ever been good at,

and now I'm not so good
at that, either.

I-- I understand
how you feel.

I don't think so.
We're very different people.

My job is who I am,
and without that, I'm nothing.

But, Angela,
I do understand.

I do. Actually,
I lived that.

Because, look, remember,
one day,

I was a professional
baseball player.

The next day,

I was just another guy
with a bum shoulder.

So, what did you buy?

A lot of grief, Angela.

Believe me, I was no picnic
to be around.

But-- You're luckier than that.
You're not out of the game.

-Yet.
-Oh, no, no. You stop that!

You stop that! I mean, right now
you just have to understand

that there were certain things
are out of your control.

Tony, I hate that.

Well, so did I, Angela.
So, did I. But then I realized,

hey, I'm still
the same guy inside

that I was when I was
a baseball player.

You just gotta have faith
in yourself and believe,

you know, and above all
you gotta know

you gotta know
that you're more than your job.

You're right.

I am more than my job.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

-You still feel like shopping?
-No.

-Eating.
-No, Angela.

-That's substituting.
-Sorry.

How about a hug?

Well, if you got to substitute,
here I am.

Aw, sweetheart.
Hey, come on. Hey--

Now, we both know
you're not going to lose
your business.

-I know.
-But, you know what,

even if you did, even if you
lost everything,

the house, the cars,
the business,

and we had to move to some
dingy trailer park

and eat cat food
out of cans...

I'd still love you.

I want my moo-cow!

I was this close.

[♪♪♪]

TONY: Who's the Boss
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Hey! Have a great day
at school, my man.

-Thanks, Tony.
-Okay.

-Oh, I forgot my pencil.
-I got you covered.

There you go, Jonathan. Hey!

[♪♪♪]