01x06 - Kevin...Come Back!

[bunniefuu]

Previously on

The real world...

[Typewriter keys clicking]

'Cause I'm a poet, but I also

Do, like, news articles

And reviews.

So why do y'all think kevin--

I mean, why do you think he

Doesn't sleep here and stuff?

Why do y'all think he doesn't

Come around?

Is kevin here?

No.

Lord, have mercy.

I'm so glad you're here.

I mean, personally,

We didn't think you were going

To show up today.

"If you could either double or

Halve your desire for sex, which

Would you do?"

I would double.

"Do you consider yourself

Sexually adventurous?"

No.

This is the true story...

True story.

Of seven strangers...

[Laughter]

Picked to live in a loft...

And have their lives taped...

To find out what happens...

What?

When people stop

Being polite...

Could you get the phone?

And start getting real.

The real world.

[Dog barks]

Julie, "how normal are you?

Do you do the right thing?

What is the right thing when it

Comes to matters of sex,

Sleeping, and toilet?"

And toilet?

[Upbeat dance music]

♪

"How'd you find out how

To have sex?"

Watching the flintstones.

Pebbles was born, and I figured

They did something.

♪

"Do you generally keep your eyes

Open or shut when you kiss?"

Generally, I guess, closed.

That's good.

That means you trust the person.

"Do you prefer to be

On the top or bottom

During intercourse?"

Next question!

[Laughs]

"Do you pee in the shower?"

No.

Do you pee in the shower?

No comment.

You do?

Gross, I'm taking a bath

In that?

[Laughs]

Gross.

"Have you ever slept

With someone, then forgotten

Their name?"

I have.

You have?

You have not.

"Have you ever had sex

With more than one person

At the same time?"

Have you done that?

No.

Would you want to do that?

Nah.

Uh...nah.

[Laughs]

"How long do you think you could

Live comfortably without sex?"

[Laughs]

So far, years.

What?

Mm, doing okay so far.

How old are you?

.

How long?

Hmm.

I think most men are dogs, and I

Think, yeah, it is to a woman's

Benefit to remain a virgin,

Because, you know, I mean, a guy

Can say "I love you" today and,

You know, not mean it tomorrow,

You know?

I mean, someone like julie, you

Know, I don't know what her

Relationships with guys have

Been, but she--you know, I would

Hate to see her get with a guy

And just, like, you know, lose

Her virginity one night and then

He not be there the next week

Or the next month or whatever.

[Funky dance music]

♪

It's right here,

On the right side, please.

How you doing?

♪

Well, that was a very simple

Date.

♪

Good night.

Thank you.

Good night.

I enjoyed it.

Me too.

Bye.

Take care.

[Laughs]

Go away.

Yeah, tell us all about

Your date.

Let's hear it.

Whoo!

After he rode in on the

White horse?

Yes.

Or before?

So are you the artist?

Yeah, I'm the artist.

Is that yours?

Those are mine.

I like that.

I like that one a lot.

Mr. Stockwell is a very

Big guy and a painter.

He kind of made me nervous.

I don't know if it's, like,

That painter energy, you know,

That direct competition, like,

"Oh, you're a painter?

I'm a painter."

So what did you eat

At lox around the clock?

I had chicken.

And what else did you have?

And potatoes and some kind of

Pea or bean.

And how was the food?

It was great.

Yeah.

How was the conversation?

Stimulating.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Seeing--checking for muscle

Content.

What?

I think you have

A sturdy frame.

Is that what you look for in

A woman, a sturdy frame?

Yes.

I also have wide hips, so I'd

Be great for breeding.

[Laughs] do you?

No, you don't.

Quit!

Well, what did you

Talk about?

Damn, just everyday stuff.

High five.

Now, there's a high five.

J. Crew, good tape collection,

Good high five:

Want to get married?

Shut up.

That's quite a catch, julie.

How old is he?

He's older than .

And younger than .

God, y'all are driving

Me crazy.

You have a tremendous

Capacity for someone years

Old--for someone anyway,

But for --

You're obsessed with that.

Would you call me dad?

[Laughs]

When we were sitting at the

Table, he started saying things

Like, "I'm old enough to be one

Of your college professors."

Who cares?

There's a camera sittin' here,

And my mom's gonna be

Watching this.

Shut up, buddy.

I know how you feel,

'Cause I don't like to talk

About my dates.

I just like to hear.

I don't want to hear.

I'd like to leave.

Well, leave.

We'll talk about you while

You're gone, no problem.

I want to hear about how you

Met this guy.

Yeah, I want to hear

The dirt.

This strapping young buck.

[Laughter]

What?

I just got a wicked cramp

In my leg.

I knew I screwed up when he

Got a cramp at the table and had

To go to the bar to stretch.

I knew I was in the wrong place

At the wrong time.

Is he big, norman?

He looks it.

I'm talking about height.

[Laughter]

Ohh!

[Upbeat music]

♪

Julie's real honest.

I mean, she's honest about

Everything, including her, um,

Sex life or lack thereof,

I think.

Kevin and I really, you

Know--we have, you know, great

Talks, and, you know, I've

Learned so much from him.

Julie's very rare, and I told

Her she should definitely try to

Preserve that as long as

Possible.

I feel so close to him

In so many ways.

And I hope if she decides to

Stay in new york, she doesn't

Get corrupted, you know, by us

In the loft or people she meets

In new york.

You know, he makes me

So happy.

I mean, he is just like

A brother.

I mean, I adore him.

[Romantic saxophone music]

♪

I went to penn station to

Pick up my girlfriend, kaseemi.

She's great.

I love her very much.

I'm in love.

Don't smile.

Stop.

I need a better camera.

You can have mine.

Oh, yeah--

Kaseemi's very intelligent.

She's very well-read.

We have a lot of similar

Interests.

She's very interested in

Culture, the arts, you know,

And I'm--being a poet, I'm very

Interested in the arts.

She's real honest and stuff,

And she's not afraid to express

Her mind.

You know, she talks about

Building a family, and I'm,

Like, getting older.

You know, I'll be

God knows when--

Seems like tomorrow--

And I'm interested in those

Things too.

Look, I wanted some earrings.

Kaseemi's a lot like

My mother.

You know, both kaseemi and my

Mother are very strong women.

They're very independent-minded,

But yet there's a sensitive side

To them, although my mother has

Had a lot harder time, you know,

Showing that sensitive side.

[Dramatic music]

♪

You can get a half.

Is this good?

Yeah.

You don't like it?

Don't open it if you don't

Like it.

I'm thirsty.

Is it still water?

Spring water?

Well, I'm having it cold.

I have one down there.

I'm gonna take this.

You can take a half a banana.

I knew my father vaguely.

I knew him up until I was

Eight years old.

He and my mother were never

Married.

You better drink it

Once you open it.

[Laughs]

You want half?

You know, he used to come

Around.

He bought me, like, my first

Watch, my first bicycle,

Things like that.

I mean, the thing that strikes

Me about him is the fact that he

Basically disowned me when I was

Eight years old.

He told my mother that, you

Know, I wasn't his son.

And, I mean, that's stuck in my

Mind, you know, still--it's

Still in my mind, because it's

Like, you know--it was, to me,

The ultimate level of

Irresponsibility.

And that's just something that's

Always driven me, you know, to

Try to be as responsible person

As possible.

I just feel like there

Really needs to be some kind of,

Like--i mean, norman and I

Were talking about if you could

Just--the idea of putting us in

Here so that we could learn

About each other, it worked, you

Know, those first couple weeks,

But then it was like everybody

Took off.

I really feel like we need to

Just lock the door and unplug

The phones.

See, but you can do that.

I know, and I can do that, so

There's no reason that no one

Else can, is what I'm saying.

But, you know, you also have

To take into consideration that

You're the only one that--

Most of us have, like, our

Careers going in motion.

I know, like, eric and i--

And I'm dying to get mine

Started, but I'm also, like--

I mean, I also think that this

Is three months--

I got to, you know, think

About, you know, after this is

Over, if I'm going to be able to

Pay my bills or not.

I can't take for granted that

That's not going to happen.

I have a certain schedule that I

Got to relate to.

I'm definitely trying to make an

Effort, because people were

Saying the last few weeks, you

Know, "you're never around"

And stuff.

I mean, I'm--i mean, like,

I'm--i'm willing.

Like, I really want to get to

Know all you guys, but I'm

Scared that it's gonna pull me

Away from what I'm really trying

To do with my life.

To me, I'm like, "damn,

Everybody here has an idea what

They want to do," and if, like,

You feel uncomfortable, you

Definitely can talk to the six

Of us, because we all have gone

Through our ups and downs.

I think we should have some

Structured, like, dinner.

Okay, I think everyone agrees

That it's a great idea, but if

We set a day--

I'm cool for sundays, and

I'll even help cook the first

Dinner.

[Laughs]

Oh!

Poisonous.

If you don't think about it,

It's like a big snow cone.

No, if you don't think about

It, you'll get cancer.

Don't eat the snow in new york.

Come on, you little varmint.

Who's gonna get me?

[Laughter]

Really, what are y'all gonna

Do to me?

Where's eric?

Come on, let's go shopping.

That sunday night dinner,

Nobody wanted to cook.

Nobody wanted to go outside in

The snow to get food.

Going to the grocery store

Is the biggest ordeal with

These people.

You just can't even imagine.

Not very bushy.

Jeez, these are all hard

Like rocks.

Okay, we won't have avocado.

But we need to.

You can't.

They're not ripe.

I don't like the fish

Down there.

Why don't you eat chicken?

What chicken fajitas?

How you making the chicken?

Or stir-fry the chicken in a

Wok, and then you can take the

Chicken, and you're gonna put it

In the fajita, and you're gonna

Roll it up.

Are there bones in there?

No! Oh, my gosh.

Oh, I didn't know that.

I want to go.

Tuna?

I hate tuna.

He hates tuna.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Cheese!

There's got to be, like, some

Kind of refried bean kind of

Thing happening around here

Somewhere.

[Laughs]

What?

They're beets.

I know they are.

No, I'm gonna make beet tops

And carrot juice in my juicer.

You have $?

You have just $?

Is that bad?

Is it gonna be more than that?

How much do you have?

I'm just kiddin'.

[Laughs]

We kind of split up

The duties.

A group of us would go get

Groceries, and others would stay

Home, and I have this

Infatuation with star trek,

And I had asked several people

That were staying home to record

Star trek for me.

Well, what I'm trying to tell

You is star trek was never

On the tv.

Yeah, it is, 'cause it's

Almost over with now.

At :, when she came down

Here, it wasn't on.

Apparently, the program

Wasn't being taped, and I don't

Know why I'm so obsessed with

The show, but I kind of was a

Bit disappointed.

It came on at :.

It is still playing.

Well, are you going to record

It now?

Well, it's all [bleep] up.

It doesn't matter if it's

Being recorded, 'cause I asked

To be recorded, and now it's

All [bleep] up, so it

Doesn't matter.

Norman was really upset.

He's a star trek fanatic.

And so that put a damper on the

Beginning of the evening.

Norman.

Have a twinkie.

You'll feel much better.

Yeah.

Hello, we're about to eat

Dinner, and you shouldn't

Be eating a twinkie before we

Eat dinner.

Are you not gonna talk

To me now?

Oh, well, I'm just saying that

You shouldn't be eating a

Twinkie before we eat dinner.

Is everyone eating?

What?

Are you eating?

Yeah.

Becky was cooking.

Andre was cooking.

Kevin was somewhere.

I don't know where he was.

Kevin volunteered to cook the

First meal, and he wasn't even

There, and it's like it never

Even crossed his mind.

You know, kevin has a lot of

Things going on in his head, and

I don't think this ranked at the

Top of them.

That sunday night that kevin

Didn't show up, it just kind of

Made everything so ridiculous.

I was kind of--i was bummed.

We decided that the night

That we were all supposed to sit

Down and have dinner, we were

Gonna play the joke on kevin,

Since kevin isn't really here.

And it worked.

And I did volunteer to cook

For that first dinner, but I

Forgot that I had a poetry

Reading.

"A love poem for nonbelievers.

Prelude.

Me, born into

An illegitimate affair.

Father split.

Mother torn into angry fits.

Self-help hate

Flowing everywhere,

Like blood birthing

From a uterus.

Love was, is an invisible

Non-tangible quality.

I always wanted to be touched,

But the feelings became chiseled

In my subconscious

When I learned how to walk.

And my mother did touch me

With fists and belts and sticks,

Her love a handprint on my face,

Her love a midnight beating

As I slept.

'You better be good, boy,'

She always said.

'Good for what?'

I always wondered."

[Jazzy piano music]

♪

Kevin's never around, and we

Were thinking it would be

Funny--it was just a playful

Thing--to get together and do

This sudden joke on kevin.

We got a video camera to video

The whole process of how we

Were gonna do this so kevin

Could see it when the joke

Was finished.

Wait, wait, go to norman.

He's gonna explain

What we're doing.

Hi, this is our april fool's

Joke.

Okay, by the way, by the way,

So far, right now, we're keeping

Out kevin for his real response.

We have to--no, is everyone

Serious about changing their

Personalities?

All: yes.

We're doing a personality--

Thing.

I want friends after the show.

Personality reversal.

We wrote down our

Personalities--we chose a

Personality that we would want

Somebody to have, and we wrote

It down on a piece of paper and

Put it in a fishbowl.

And then everybody picked from

The fishbowl and got the

Character, so that was a riot.

Okay, "a complete hippie.

Peace, love, the whole thing."

And what is this--

"Except to maniac--"

No, you also have

To be a kleptomaniac.

Oh, I have to be

A kleptomaniac.

"Steal stuff from everyone."

[Laughter]

It was genius.

I mean, these people--everyone

Got completely almost opposite

Kinds of personalities.

Yeah, well, I'll be

A nerdy g*y.

Explain your character.

I'll be a nerdy g*y.

Oh, no.

Read it.

Okay, "country--innocence,

Super nice, likes tammy wynette

And peggy lee."

[Laughter]

I get to be a wh*re.

[Upbeat ska music]

♪

Ooh!

[Laughter]

♪

Eric?

What?

Are you done washing?

Yo, my man.

[Whistling]

Norm, come here.

Excuse me.

Norman, will you wash

My back?

Come here and wash my back

For me?

So norm comes into the bathroom,

And he opens up the curtain,

And kevin--i could see kevin.

I was looking over the top of

The shower curtain, and kevin's

Peeking in the doorway,

And I was--and kev--

[Laughs]

You should have told me, man.

Look, he's hung like a horse.

Oh, my god, I don't

Believe this.

I know norman is very open about

His h*m*, which I don't

Have a problem with, but I

Didn't know eric was,

You know--

I didn't know eric was g*y.

I was like--but norman went into

The bathroom and everything,

And, like, pinched eric's butt

In the shower.

Ugh.

I see kevin's face go,

"Oh, my god."

And he goes, "yo, eric."

♪

[Laughs]

What were you doing up there?

You and andre, huh?

Andre.

[Sneezes]

Andre?

You look like you're from

Michigan.

I am from michigan.

How do I know that?

Where'd you get

Your necklace?

Um, west africa.

You were in west africa?

He kept looking at my

Necklace, and I just noticed

That this guy, like, had on

Other people's jewelry.

And, I mean, you know, norman is

Kind of strange to me in a good

Way, so I was like, "okay, no

Big deal," but julie just really

Took me out.

Are you trying to change your

Image or something?

You know, sex sells.

Julie--julie, like, topped it

All off.

We're sitting here at dinner.

Julie comes down.

Her hair was all curled.

She had red lipstick on.

I mean, she was straight out of

Jersey city.

It was just the classic.

I can't believe this.

It's like, abrupt.

It's not abrupt.

It's been happening

For a long time.

You just don't see it.

See what?

Like, the change.

I mean, I've been doing this.

Really?

You know that guy, john, she

Went out with?

I'm sure he had some stories

To tell his friends, huh?

What'd you do with him?

Time for love.

I was just kind of

Overwhelmed.

Yeah, right.

The season, you know?

The weather, the rain.

Julie, man, I thought you

Were the last sincere person

On the planet.

Well, you know, we go fast.

We're a dying breed.

Oh, wait a minute, julie.

[Whispers] you lost your

Virginity?

A big, strapping young buck.

Oh, wow, that is so deep,

Man.

Whoo.

[Dramatic music]

♪

[Cat squeaks]

Did that cat just bark?

The cat did not bark.

She just went, "arf!"

[Laughter]

"I want to be a dog! Arf!"

Everyone's changing

Personalities in this house.

Yo, people are losing their

Minds in this place.

[Funky rock music]

♪

So you're really--you're really

Changing your image?

Do you like it?

No.

Why?

'Cause it's not you.

If you're not true to yourself,

You won't be true

To anybody else.

If you're just doing it to

Please other people or to fit

In, it's kind of phony.

Well, I'm still me.

Yeah, all right.

I mean, I have to grow up

Sometime, right?

That's what you call it,

Growing up?

[Laughs]

You don't think so?

No, I call it growing down.

Or maybe even going down.

Well, I'm still nice.

Yeah, but--

I'm nicer.

Oh, really?

[Sighs]

All right.

I got to change clothes.

I hope y'all have

A good night.

You're not gonna go with us?

Nope, I've seen enough for

One night.

[Chair clatters]

I know a lot of people who have

Moved from another state or

Whatever and come over here and

Just totally changed their

Personalities.

And then to see julie just do

This , I was like,

"Man, this is really crazy.

I got to get out."

Julie, kevin's leaving.

He just freaked out so much

That he just--he jetted.

He just took off.

And I was just freakin' out.

I was like, "yo, julie's gonna--

She's changing her personality.

She lost her virginity.

She's just gonna become some

Sort of freak and stuff, and I

Don't even want to deal with

This type of thing."

Before the elevator hits.

Kevin?

I need air, man.

Everybody's crazy in this

Apartment.

No, it's--will you close--

I'm serious.

I'm splittin'.

Next on the real world...

We lost our roommate.

And then he tried to get

Away, and we tried to stop him.

He freaked out.

So he left.

He totally left.

I went upstairs--

You set him off.

It was your fault.

Shut up.

Come here. Come here.

Oh, my god, no.

Why is it everyone's fault

Except for eric's?

It was everyone except yours.

He's probably gonna

k*ll himself!