01x10 - He's So Ugly He's Cute!

[bunniefuu]

Previously on the real world:

I don't like the

Responsibility of a pet

Because I never wanted it.

Andre's tried

To m*rder the cat

More than a few times.

Gouda!

[Gouda barks]

If they're not here

To take care of their animal,

Then the animal should die.

You are coming back now,

Right?

She's always wanted to be

Independent.

I don't think you realize

You're not gonna see me

For a while.

We get to see you

Sooner than you think.

This is the true story...

True story.

Of seven strangers...

[Laughter]

Picked to live in a loft...

And have their lives taped...

To find out what happens...

What?

When people stop

Being polite...

Could you get the phone?

And start getting real.

The real world.

[Dog barks]

Oh, yes.

We found a doggie.

We found the cutest little

Doggie on the street.

[Dog barks]

[Dog barks]

It responds to "yoda."

Yoda.

It definitely--

'Cause that's what I think

Its owners would've called it.

Hi, sting.

They would've said "yoda."

I can't believe no one was,

Like, running up and down

The street crying for that dog.

He is so ugly.

But do you like it?

Oh, we should definitely

Keep the dog.

She says we definitely

Should keep the dog.

[Phone rings]

Mom.

I don't even know

When I'm coming home.

I told my parents

That I wouldn't be

Returning right away.

What?

My parents flipped out,

Told me I was crazy,

That I'd lost my mind,

And that I was being selfish

And to come home

And that they're

Giving my dog away.

Y'all just need to calm down.

Everything is great.

Tell your mom

The stores close soon

And we have to go shopping.

Do you know

When I'm coming home?

My mom's saying that she's

Coming the weekend after easter.

And, you know, the whole thing

With my family is,

You just can't believe it

Until you see it

Because anything could

Fall through at any second...

Which could be good.

I'm glad, you know,

That my brother's coming.

I'm not as excited

That my mom's coming

Because I think she's gonna lay

Some major guilt trips on me.

And I think that's part

Of her agenda.

Well, since they're gonna be

Busy, norman, next weekend,

We could find something to do.

No.

You better hang out

With my mom.

Julie...

Heather.

You don't even want

To hang out with your mother.

Why do you think

I want to hang out with her?

Love me.

Are your parents

Gonna be staying here with us?

They're staying in the loft.

I'm just kidding.

No, there's, like--

It's got, like, a thing.

Some kind of, like,

Mole or something.

It's a tick.

That is such a tick.

That is not a tick.

I didn't want to have

Anything to do with that dog.

I thought it was ugly.

I don't know what it had.

It could've had the cooties.

It did have the cooties.

They spent ten minutes

Picking some bug out.

That is a tick, norman.

Oh, that's a tick.

I'm thinking a flea.

Oh, god.

Oh, my god.

It's a huge mother[bleep] tick.

[Laughs]

Oh, it's so gross.

It is so gross.

How do we get it out of there?

You k*ll it with a match.

You pull it out with a tweezers.

[Dog barks]

What do we do to get it out?

We just pull it out?

Do we burn it?

Do we tweeze it?

Do we bleach it?

Stay away from me.

You are so ugly.

You just k*ll it with

A match, then you pull it out

With a tweezers, right?

I don't want to see that dog.

There's a huge tick

In the back of the dog's neck.

And in front of his face.

We found this dog,

And it's got a tick,

And everybody's flipping out.

Oh, it was

The scariest thing.

Where's a pen?

Get a pen, get a pen,

Get a pen, get a pen,

Get a pen, get a pen.

Where's a pen?

Becky, the dog has a huge tick

On the back of its head.

Reer-reer.

A big, bloody, gooey tick.

Look.

I can't see it,

But it's obviously a tick.

There.

There it is right there

Where my thumb is.

Oh!

Doesn't that dog

Sleep with you, andre?

Norman!

Oh, my god.

Look how engorged it is

With blood.

It's bleeding.

It's okay, honey.

Oh, it's huge.

Oh, this is really alien.

This is alien.

Oh, my god.

Hey, dad.

Did you get mom off

Safe and sound?

What?

Well, I think I should

Call the hotel and tell them

Just to call me when they get

There, don't you think?

There's been some accident

At laguardia,

And they're not letting

Planes land.

So your mother's

Just flying around

Like they did on, um--

What's that movie?

Die hard?

Maybe they'll just

Go back to birmingham.

Um, yes, I need the number

For laguardia airport.

Do you know if there was

An accident out there today?

So I was trying to get

Information from dad,

And he, of course, just says,

"Well, there's this huge wreck,

You know, at laguardia

Or something.

Your mom's circling manhattan.

And we don't really know

Where she is."

I don't want to go sit--

I mean, I don't understand

Why I have to go sit

At her hotel.

Why can't she just call me

When she gets here?

Poor julie was--

Julie was a mess.

She was so grumpy.

I've never seen her

That grumpy.

Oh, man, if she don't call

In the next five minutes,

I think I should at least

Get some ice cream.

What time is it now?

:.

And we they coming

Right here first?

No, they were going

To the hotel, but they haven't--

Let's go.

Well, have you talked

To julie?

Yeah, but I got

An answering machine.

I haven't gotten her.

There it is.

So I'm getting ice cream,

Thinking my mom's on her way.

But we were gone forever

To get this dumb ice cream.

You know, eric's

Got to have yogurt

'Cause he can't have ice cream.

And we got to go

Through the park.

And blech!

So of course, when I walk in,

You know, as we start

Getting closer, I'm thinking,

"Oh, I bet I'm in trouble."

And I hear that message

On the machine, and I'm like,

"Oh, I blew it."

[Machine beeping]

Julie, we're in room .

Give us a call.

[Line disconnects]

Mom?

You finally got here.

I'm at the loft.

Well, I didn't know what to do,

Because I called--i mean,

I talked to dad,

And all that with laguardia.

And--so I wasn't gonna--

Well, why didn't y'all

Come here?

You don't want to come here?

Okay.

Bye.

I already feel

Like I'm in trouble.

Of course.

I told you, they're mothers.

They need to walk around

With a g*n and a badge.

[Laughs]

Mom, m-o-m.

Nobody can bring up my temper

Like my family.

For real?

Nobody.

Julie just was like,

"You got to come with me

To meet my mother.

You have to come with me

To meet my mother."

I'd kind of, you know,

Gotten heather involved.

You know, I'm like,

"Come on, heather, work with me.

Do this one for me."

What's wrong?

You nervous?

[Chuckles]

Hi.

You look just the same.

Don't cry, mom.

Come on.

Did you think I wouldn't?

Uh, well, I didn't know.

Mom.

Did you miss me?

Yeah, you look like you've

Been eating good.

I knew one of you

Was gonna say I was fat.

No.

How you doing?

Hi, I'm heather.

This is heather.

How you doing?

She lives with me.

Hi, how are you?

And heather even said,

You know, "I don't want

To go eat.

I'm just going to meet your mom,

And then I'm going

Back to the loft."

We end up at the dinner table,

And I'm just like, you know,

"Heather, why are you here?

You know, I thought you were

Gonna go home."

She was like,

"Your mom is so good.

I don't even know her,

And she made me feel guilty."

It's like, "well, yeah,

She's a pro."

Dad worries me

Every time I talk to him.

How so?

You get answers like,

"How are you?"

"I'm not good.

I'm not bad."

[Laughing]

He said the other day,

"I am so content.

The only thing that keeps it

From being perfect is,

Julie's not here."

What do you think?

And we come back to the loft,

And mom's just like nothing.

Come look around.

Okay.

Oh, julie.

[Laughing]

Oh, julie.

Just like school.

I can tell this is yours too,

Partly.

Isn't there one neat person

In here?

He's neat.

He's never here, mom.

Mom, you're not, like, in awe.

I was in awe.

This is eric.

Hi, eric.

How are you doing?

The loft just kind of

Pulled together

And supported me.

And I felt really good about it,

You know?

This is my mom.

Hi.

How are you, norman?

This is norman.

Pleasure.

I've got poison oak

All over this hand.

Oh.

Well...

I feel closer to a lot of

Them than I do to my family,

You know, so...

I felt really good.

Everybody was kind of

Backing me.

I kind of had

A cheering section;

Get through the weekend.

I've got to find the owner

For this dog.

If it was my dog, I would not be

Able to sleep all night long.

I'd be crying,

"Where's my gouda?"

That dog needs

Plastic surgery.

We're going to go to the park

And try to find the owner

For the dog.

[Laughing]

Does anyone know anyone

That's missing a dog?

Aw, that's too bad.

I bet somebody's gonna miss him.

I know.

That's--that's why we're...

Completely puzzled.

Hey!

Hey, hey!

Hey!

Hey!

What is your deal?

Get back.

[Gouda barking]

By the time I had been able

To start thinking about the day,

I realized that my family

Was in town.

Andre, you totally forgot

Your family was here.

I know.

Andre, half the day is gone.

Andre.

Sorry, mom.

I'm in washington square park.

We found a dog that's half alien

And half canine.

So we're trying

To find its owner.

I'll see you later.

Bye-bye.

You can call the police too.

Really?

Yeah, because people

That lose dogs call the police.

Very good.

Very good.

Is this yours?

Were you wearing this

Earlier?

Aw, andre, that's nice.

I have a really good

Relationship with my mom.

She understands me.

As hard as it is,

She really does.

She can look past

My grouchiness, and...

She always understands

What I'm saying, or at least,

You know, usually.

You're not up and ready?

No.

[Stammers]

You're kidding, right?

We're not.

You want me to wait for you

Downstairs?

Yeah.

You want to?

Be about an hour.

An hour?

Well, I mean,

We're just getting up.

About--maybe minutes.

Maybe .

Oh, you're just dead.

[Door slams]

The plan was to wear them out.

Sit down.

[Conductor speaking]

Do you want--are you just

Gonna take a cab?

Mm-hmm.

You don't want to walk?

No, I don't--

I don't think I can walk

On my ankle.

I didn't always know

Which direction I was going,

But I knew there was going

To be something to see,

And we were gonna get there

And hopefully on foot.

You know, just wear them out.

Are you happy?

You don't smile and laugh

As much as you used to.

Aw.

What do you think, andre?

You need a chiropractor.

[Laughs]

"You need professional help."

You need...

It's beyond my control now.

[Groans]

Your mother seems nice.

She's very nice.

And I'm sure she loves you.

She adores me.

Well, then,

What's the problem?

We just don't really have

Any kind of relationship.

I mean, I don't have

Anything to say.

Yeah.

[Groaning]

I felt like it was only

The tip of the iceberg

And it was gonna be

A long weekend.

We really don't have anything

To say to each other.

And it just kills me.

And I tried, and I just said

A little bit to her about it.

And she was like, "no,

I think everything's fine."

It's like, "oh, my gosh."

So now my mom's in the city,

And I feel completely guilty

That I'm not with her.

It's okay.

And to make it worse,

My mom's got, like,

This incredible case

Of poison ivy,

A sprained ankle,

And a broken arm, she says.

I feel like because we don't

Have that great a relationship

That there's not that much

To work with.

And I hurt her more

Than I should.

And I should avoid that more.

And I try to.

And in trying to,

I sacrifice saying a lot

Of things that I would

Love to say.

[Phone buttons beeping]

Let me see.

Look, we--

Who did that?

Uh, her, apparently.

It's a great drawing.

I wanted this dog as my own.

Uh, but we found the woman.

I found this

At a shop in soho.

And I grabbed it.

I said, "who left this here?"

Hi, please leave a message,

And we'll call you back.

If you're calling about

The lost dog,

Thank you very much,

And we'll talk to you soon.

Bye.

[Machine beeps]

Hello, this is norm.

Hi, this is the black

And orange bobo ping person.

Oh, oh, great.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my god.

It is so precious.

Everyone is completely

Attached to it.

Aw.

Norman, make her come over

Here so we can meet her.

Maybe I'll--

Can you come over?

That would be probably

The best thing.

Okay.

Bobo ping!

Bo ping.

Bo ping.

Oh, it's bobo.

[Cooing]

I can feel your heart beating

So fast.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, you're so naughty.

Why do you think, bobo?

Small but feisty.

Oh, look at him.

He's so happy.

Oh, yes.

We went to washington square

Park with him today to see

If anyone would recognize him.

You did?

Aw.

And everybody was just like,

"If you don't find the owner,

I want this dog."

Aw.

Including three people

In the loft.

"It's mine.

If no one claims it, it's mine."

I was hoping no one

Would pick it up

So I could have it,

Take it home.

The dog was just

Such a slap in the face

Of, you know, like

Animal beauty.

It was so ugly

That andre just went,

"Yes, you are the dog

Of all dogs."

The dog's face was just--

It was amazing.

I was kind of like--

Somebody was going

To dinner with me.

Hey, mom, do you know

Where we are?

No.

You know the munsters?

Yeah.

You know grandpa?

Yeah.

This is his place.

This is his restaurant.

I have to live in georgetown.

I have to live in colorado.

And I got to have a house,

Two vacation houses.

And I have to have them.

Those all cost money,

All six of those houses.

I knew norman

Could tell a lot of stories,

Make the night

Pretty interesting.

And I always think it's funny

The way that my mom

Feels about gays.

And so I thought that'd be

Really funny, you know.

And I'd get a little humor

Out of it.

I'll go call eric.

Bleecker and...

Then your mom can tell me

Embarrassing stories about

When you took your diaper off.

My mom's just gonna tell you

That I was an angel

Because she's on camera.

I must've been gone

For like five seconds.

Did she tell you

About her friend darlene?

Oh, my goodness.

I thought I had completely

Made it obvious to norman

That I'd purposely not

Told my mom about that,

Because I can just hear her now,

You know, telling me how,

"Oh, you're gonna be

A damn social worker."

And julie was walking

The dog, and she met

This homeless person.

And so she's just talking

With her friend darlene.

Did she tell you--

Homeless person?

Yeah.

You know, I sit down,

And my mom's like,

"So tell me about

Your friend darlene."

I had related an experience

That julie had met with this

Woman, darlene,

'Cause I thought that she

Would've told her mother

About this.

And so it kind of caused

Some stress with julie

'Cause I don't think

That she wanted to explain that.

But I think her mother

Understands.

I mean, from what I could

Communicate with her mother

Is that her mother really knows

Julie really well.

Check.

And julie just, like,

Looked at me, and I thought

I was gonna die.

She gave me this, like, look,

Like "oh, my god."

I just didn't tell her.

And...

Norman, the idiot, did.

But...

Just had to k*ll him later.

What did you think of grandpa?

Wait till I tell nancy.

Should we go

To the condom store?

And get in line?

I think we should go.

I've never been there before.

I think it would be funny.

I'll wait for you.

[Laughs]

They have glow-in-the-dark ones.

[Hard rock music]

♪

My mother's seen us

Three times, including that...

Including that performance

At the core tavern.

And that was the first time

In roughly two years

That she had seen us perform.

♪ Sometimes I think she

♪ Doesn't have a clue ♪

♪ To what I'm going through ♪

She really liked it, you know.

Or at least she said she did.

How could she not?

I'm her son.

So you liked the new tunes then?

I--oh, i...

The ones that I knew,

I was right there with you.

Yes.

"I was right there with you.

I was there."

Should've came up

And sang some with me.

Featuring my mother.

♪ Things will be different now

♪

Julie, you always

Like to give the impression

That we fight with you

Constantly.

And I've always thought

We got along really well.

I thought we had

A close relationship.

And you tell all your friends

That we don't get along.

Is it the thing to do,

Not to get along

With your parents,

Like when you're a little kid,

The thing to do

Is not like school?

I mean, nobody says

They like school.

No, mom.

I think everybody

Wants to get along

With their parents.

They just--

It's sometimes really hard.

And I don't think that we have

The greatest relationship,

But we have far, far--

I didn't say we had

The greatest in the world,

But I thought we had

A pretty good one.

Yeah, I mean, I think we do

Have a pretty good one.

But, I mean, you know--

In what way is it so bad?

It's not so bad in any way,

Mom.

Well, I've been kind of

Worried about your dancing

Because you have such a little

Bit to say about it.

Well, I mean--

You don't seem enthused

Over your classes.

I am enthused.

I'm kind of frustrated.

And I kind of feel like

I'm always gonna be doing

Some form of dancing.

You don't think that

All the choreography I've done

That I could definitely--

I think that you'll

Have to do that.

And I want to.

I mean, I don't think dancing--

That's why I've been worr--

I don't think I'm gonna be,

You know, trying to dance

When I'm , trying to get

Into some chorus line.

I mean, I don't think

That's gonna be it.

And so I think I'm gonna

Have time for dancing.

And I just--

There's no way that I can

Take advantage of any talent

Or any intelligence I have

Or any creativity

If, you know, I just regress

And go back to birmingham.

Well, I have kind of

Taken it for granted

That you would stay here

For a while.

Then why is it so hard?

And I have hoped

That it would just put

L.a. Way in the background.

Well, say that it did.

Say i, you know, never want

To go to los angeles

Again in my life

Even for a weekend.

Well, let's do say that.

And I stay in new york.

That'll be fine?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, that's great.

I didn't say that'd be

What I want,

But I can go along with it.

Oh, okay.

That's great.

But...

None of you have ever done

Like I wanted.

If any of you did,

It was just a coincidence.

Well, you know,

This is where, like,

All the tourist things

We had done really

Came into play,

Because she couldn't fight me.

You know, we had come down

To the nitty gritty,

And she was too tired

To put up that fight.

And that's where I felt

Like I'd really won.

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

I love you.

I love you too.

I think my mom's

Really proud of me

But she doesn't really know why.

She just knows

That I'm doing something.

What it is, I'm not sure

That she knows.

I'm not sure I know.

On the next episode

Of the real world:

I think it's really obvious,

After living with kevin,

That he was capable

Of some physical violence.

I saw this thing hit something.

It was just the first

Argument I had with julie.

He said that to you?

This was in his hand

Ready to hit you?

Yes.

Julie and kevin were

The only ones in the apartment.

They were the only ones

That really know what happened.

And there's two stories.

Wait.

Now, who are you to tell me

What I should've done

Or shouldn't have done.

I'm just saying,

The smartest thing to do

In this world right now

At this time that--

You know, with everything

That's going on,

The best thing

Is to be in college.

Like, I have a friend,

This kid brian, who--

You know, he plays football.

And he went to penn state

His first year,

And he didn't do too good.

Hello?

You jetted on me?

Yo!

Julie!

Yo, that's [bleep] up.