02x18 - Watermelon Gag

[bunniefuu]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]
good morning!

Good morning.

Good morning.

[ Roars ]

Good morning.

Good morning!

Ooh! Watermelons!

Uncle grandpa: I wouldn't
eat that if I were you.

Whoa! What happened
to you, mister?

Something so horrible,
so traumatic,

It hurts
to even talk about.

But let this be an example of
why it can never happen again.

It all started
one fateful morning...

Uh, who are you
talking to?

Aliens.
Who are they?

What do they want?
Do they actually exist?

Scientists have
just announced

The first sign
of intelligent life

Spotted in a news studio
recording at this very...

Location?

Aaah!

Wait!
I'm a grampy award winner!

Nooo!

Bo-ring!

Hey uncle g,
why don't you show us

How real entertainment's
done and run?

[ Laughs ]
watermelon.

[ Laughs ]
uncle g!

[ Amplified ]
uncle g!!

What, do you have cotton
in your ears?

Not at all. Just a high-quality
silk and dacron polyester blend.

Impressive!

Didn't you hear
a word I said earlier?

Not really.

Plus I was eating this delicious
and nutritious watermelon.

It's fortified
with good things,

Like juice and seeds
and pink.

[ Chomps ]

[ Chewing ]

Nyeh.
[ Laughter ]

He's got a watermelon
in his mouth!

Now, that's what I call
entertainment!

A watermelon
in my mouth, huh?

So that amuses you?

Are you kidding?

You're a natural laugh riot,
uncle g.

If you like that,
you haven't seen anything.

Prepare for the mother lode.

[ Straining ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughing ]
oh, my stomach!

[ Laughing ]
I'm crying!

[ Laughter continues ]

[ Straining ]

Uncle grandpa:
it was then that I knew
my jaw was locked solid.

[ Laughter ]

It gets better!

[ Muffled speaking ]

[ Straining ]

[ Pop! ]

[ Laughter continues ]

[ Tires screech ]

[ Muffled screams ]

[ Muffled speaking ]

[ Laughs ]

Ha!
What a freak!

I know! That watermelon
in his mouth is a laugh riot!

[ Laughs ]

You said it.

That's the funniest thing
I've seen ever in my life!

Agreed.
He looks ridiculous.

Not sophisticated,
like you or i.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Laughter ]

[ British accent ]
all right, all right.
What's goin' on here?

Bloomin' onions!

Who in the queen's
gold knickers is that?

[ Laughs ]
you're making my lips sore!

Top of the mornin',
good sir.

My name is
r. J. Sassybrass,

But my friends call me

R. J. Sassybrass iii,
hollywood agent.

Some of my clientele
include tiny keith,

The smallest rapper
this side of the colorado river,

Teen heartthrob
english muffins,

And the richest man
in the world.

I've been admiring you
from afar, and I must say,

You've got the stuff
to make it in the big time.

All that's required
is you do exactly as I say

And never question
anything.

So, do we have a deal?

[ Muffled speaking ]

Welly-welly-well. I'm glad
we're on the same page.

Just one last thing.

If you ever cross me,
you're gonna pay for it dearly.

Do you understand?

Uh-huh.

Now, enough dillydally.

Let's get you prepped
for showbiz.

Our first stop
was the testing ground

Of a working-class comedy club.

And I said,
"ping pong ba*ls?"

I thought you meant
"ping pong bells"!

[ Crickets chirping ]
[ coughs ]

A-all right, next up,

We've got a fresh new face
to the ha-ha club.

Put your hands together
for uncle grandpa!

[ Feedback ]

Oi!

Don't just stand there!
Say something!

[ Moans ]

[ Laughter ]

Look! He's got a watermelon
in his mouth!

That's it, kid.
Give 'em the stuff.

[ Muffled speaking ]

[ Laughter ]

It was here
that my rise to fame began.

I was subjected to
the seediest environments.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ All cheer ]

But we're
his friends!

I allowed myself to be
humiliated

For others' amusement.

[ Crowd chanting "melon!" ]

Before I knew it,

My face was being plastered
all over town.

I was the guest star
on late-night talk shows.

[ Muffled speaking ]

[ Laughter ]

As it turned out,
fame was a lonely place to be.

The larger my fame grew,
so did my unhappiness.

[ Crowd cheering ]

Announcer: now the moment
you've been waiting for.

Welcome to the stage
the one and only,

The unmistakable,
the unforgettable --

Uncle grandpa!

Oh, bother all!
Get out there!

[ Muffled ]
aaaaaaaah!

Psst!

[ Sighs ]

[ Dance music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[ Sighs ]

Hey! If it isn't
the big man himself.

It's been a nightmare
trying to catch you, uncle g.

Get a load
of your digs!

A gold toilet?!

You must be
really famous.

I mean, I'm so famous, I've got
like four of these pups,

But good for you,
uncle g.

So, are you gonna
come home soon?

Things around the r. V.
Haven't been quite the same

Since you've been gone.

[ Muffled speaking ]

All right!

Your little routine
might be cute onstage,

But you don't need
to act like that

Around your best buds.

[ Muffled speaking ]

Wow. You've really changed,
uncle g.

I guess the fame
has gotten to your head!

Yeah. It's like all you care
about is doing your bit.

[ Muffled speaking ]

[ Thud ]

Enough laying about.

Time for the encore.

[ Dance music plays ]

Man: boo!
We've seen this already!

Give us something new!

Let's see something else,
watermelon!

[ Muffled scream, crying ]

The pressure had gotten to me.
I had to escape.

Bring out plan "b."

[ Muffled speaking ]

[ Crowd cheers ]

[ Crowd chanting "pineapple!" ]

Ha!
What a freak!

Give us something new!

[ Laughter ]

In my frustration,
I decided to run away --

Far away,
where no one could find me.

Years passed, and I wasn't
in contact with a single soul.

I lived off the fat of the land
in isolation.

[ Sniffing ]

[ Straining ]

Wow. You've really changed,
uncle g.

I guess the fame
has gotten to your head.

Yeah, it's like all you care
about is your bit.

It was then I realized
how alone I truly was.

[ Sobbing ]

And that's when it happened.

I saw the watermelon
in my mouth for the first time.

[ Laughing ]

And it was really funny.

I laughed so hard
that my jaw became unlocked

And released the delicious
fruit back into the world.

[ Laughs ]

[ Clang! ]

And that is why you should never
put a watermelon in your mouth.

Put a pineapple in your mouth
instead.

It's way more sophisticated.

[ Chomps ]

[ Muffled speaking ]

[ Chuckles nervously ]
just walk, honey.

Oh. There you are.

Same old tired routine.

No way, mr. Gus.
Totally different.

He's using a pineapple now,
and it is hilarious!

Uh-huh.
Totally different.

[ All yowling ]

[ Roars ]

Wha -- hey! You're being
too frisky, mustache.

Time to put you to bed.

There you are, darling.

What the --

Looks like somebody's
a little hard of hearing!

You get back here!

Ecccch!
That's disgusting.

[ Straining ]

Why, you little --

Uhh!
[ Strike! ]

Hey, you!

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

[ Mustache whistles ]

I'm gonna put you to bed,

Even if it means
you taking a dirt nap.

[ Singsong voice ]
oh, little mustache!

I've got a surprise for you.

Gotcha!

[ Twang! ]

Blblblblblblblbl!
All right, that's it!

You made me do this.

Hey, where are you?
[ Mustache whistles ]

You're going to bed,
whether you like it or not!

[ Crash! Crash! ]

You're being too frisky, r. V.

Time to put you to bed.

Looks like somebody's
a little hard of hearing.

You get back here!

Wha -- hey! You're being
too frisky, mustache.

Time to put you to bed.