12x08 - Weak Spot

[bunniefuu]

I'm really at a pivotal
point right now.

Start working around the base.

I want to make sure
that my shelter is

protected from the elements.

Oof! Done it.

I'm just going to
sit here and wait.

Every day when I wake up,
I'm going to plan that day

based on my calorie needs.

Nice.

I'm hungry.

And it just sucks to know
that I'm at starvation time,

where I just sit around

and I don't have anything
to eat.

What do you want from me, universe?

Perhaps my purpose here
is not to win.

I accept my fate.

Hello.
This is Baha.

I am officially tapping out.

Being alone here felt like

connecting deeper
with my family.

Sometimes you have to lose
a battle to win the w*r.

They call this place
the land of great thirst.

The Great Karoo Desert,
South Africa.

We are in one of the most
inhospitable places on Earth.

Ten participants.

Whoever can stay
the longest wins.

It's pretty simple.

I found the baboons.

There's ten of them,
but I only have five arrows.

This place is dry, dry, dry.

The sun's beating
down on you every day.

I'm so tired.
And I'm so thirsty.

Oh, man.

I really don't feel safe
drinking this water.

This is a place to be,
if not feared,

treated with a lot of respect.

I changed my mind!

Oh.
Look at the size of that thing.

There's a big herd
of wildebeest right there.

Rhino tracks.

Meat's back on the menu, boys.

They call Cape Buffalo
the Black Death for a reason.

It'll just straight up
k*ll you.

We don't control the game.

Here we go. Flooding.

This is nothing
compared to what's coming.

It hurts so much, man.

It's freaking ice.

So the question is,
how strong of a mind

do you need to have
to win this?

Whoo!

What the
did I get myself into?

A long, cold night.

The last one to tap walks
out of here with 500 grand.

This is one
of the hardest things

that a person can do
in their life.

Oh, my gosh.

It's another great day
in Africa.

We're going to rig up
another line here.

Eat a piece of jerky.

Good old warthog jerky.

I don't know what I'm going
to do when this is gone.

Starve, I guess.
Try to catch more fish.

Nice breakfast.

I'll do the dishes.

You sit down.
I'll do dishes.

I'm feeling very tired.

I can tell I'm getting weaker.

And I need to make sure
that I can pull my bow back.

OK, we're going to get
some water boiled today.

So I'm going to take
a few days off of hunting

and not burn too much energy.

Slow and easy going, guys.

I don't know what to do,
guys, for hunting.

It's hard.

A lot of people thought
it was going to be easy.

"There's so much game.
It's going to be so easy.

We're going to last forever."

I heard that so many times
from half the contestants.

Yeah, there's game,
but it's challenging.

Back home,
I'm a hunting guide.

I take clients on elk hunts
and white-tailed deer hunts.

And we have liftoff.

We're going to put this
right into our water cache.

And then we're going to do
one more to drink for the day.

I'm a great hunting guide.

I've gotten everybody
tagged out

that has hunted with me
so far.

I'm super happy.

I got a warthog
on day two, guys.

I can say I came
to South Africa

and shot a warthog
with a recurve.

And I've only been
sh**ting for eight weeks.

I think everybody
was underestimating...

I think, my sh**ting.

There are people
that have looked at me,

and they're like,
you're a woman guide?

You're the one going
to take me in the mountains?

It's like, yes, absolutely.

Let's go.
I'll take you hunting.

I get especially excited when
I get to take a woman hunter

and just let them
be independent

without any guys around
and know that they can do it.

That's super rewarding.

Last pot of water for the day.

I want to show
that women are stronger

than they think they are.

You know, we can keep up
in a man's industry.

We are strong enough mentally,
physically, emotionally.

So if I were to win,
I could prove that.

I can show that.

We're done with water. Yay.

Getting kind of chilly.

I think we're going
to bundle up and work

on some dreamcatchers.

Just going to find
some bluebush twigs.

The night before I flew out,
my cousin called me.

Him and his wife had
a baby named Eleanora.

And they asked if I wanted
to be her godmother.

How cool is that?

And I'm going to make her
a dreamcatcher.

And hopefully,
that'll give her courage

to strive to do
whatever she wants in life.

Hopefully, they can
hang it up in her bedroom.

Let's go make
some dreamcatchers.

I was talking to my aunt and
uncle before I came out here,

and my aunt goes,
your grandma would be proud.

My grandma passed away.

And she was,

like, the ultimate
homesteading hunter-gatherer.

She hunted her own deer, bear.

Just one tough woman,
so tough.

Coyote hunting
well into her old age.

Never gave up.

She'd be like, you got food,
water, shelter, you're fine.

That's what she would say.
And I agree with her.

I have food, water,
and shelter, so I'm fine.

She'd be proud
that I made it here

and that I'm doing,
so far, as well as can be.

Oh, I can't wait
to give this to Eleanora.

Here we go.
This is for my godchild.

You guys,
I super hope she likes it.

And I hope that this represents
that her dreams are endless,

nobody hold her back,

and she can be a strong,
independent woman.

And I hope
that I can inspire her.

I want to get hunting today.

But I need to eat.

So I'm just eating...

What I can.

I'm losing faith
in the fishing, to be honest.

So in the absence
of meat protein,

I'm trying to have enough food
every day to keep going.

So I might have to go
really slow today

so I don't crash my energy.

But I know that
there's an expiration date

on being on a survival trip
and only eating plant food.

So hopefully,
something will shift.

OK.

Phew!

I'm off with my bow
to see what's possible today.

So this will be interesting,
my hunting strategy today.

I'm just going to see
if I can evade

being seen
by these amazing animals.

God, they're so cluey.

But I'm starting
to be able to really see

the waterbuck on the hill.

They've always got
the upper hand

because they're
on the hillside.

So the focus is sit and wait
and hope that I can get

an opportunity to take a shot.

Fingers crossed
the strategy works.

So basically, waterbuck,

they come across the mountain
from east to west.

The wind is coming along
like this.

That's good.

So I'm just going to sit here
in a little hidey-hole,

see what happens.

That's tough, man.

We're headed home.

Come on.
Where are you guys?

There is something going on
with those baboons over there.

Can you hear them?

Whoa.

There's a bunch of them.
There's, like, at least 20.

It's like they're a g*ng
ready to come beat me up.

They better stay on their side.

"West Side Story."

Whoa.

I don't have my bow.

I have bear spray.
That's all I have.

Holy smokes.
There's even more coming.

.

There's a crap ton.

There's probably,
like, 35, 40 now.

Holy smokes.
They keep coming across.

They're getting ballsy,
and they need to stay away.

Hey! Hey!

Get! Get out of here!

Go!

I don't need 60 of them coming,
bombarding my camp.

No thank you.

Calm down.

I just need to walk.

It's getting warm out.

Sitting in the sun
on my lookout rock

puts me in a great mood.

It gives me mental clarity.

And I just feel so much better
being in the open space,

rather than being
cooped up at my shelter.

I wonder how everybody else
is doing with the baboons.

What is that?

You guys, look.

Rhino. Right there.

So cool.

Wow.

Oh, my gosh, guys.

Look. There's two more.

It looks like a mom and a baby.

Oh, that's amazing.

You guys, it's a three rhino
kind of day.

Sweet. Super sweet.

This makes me feel strong,
you know?

Rhino strong.

'Cause of the rhinos.

These rhinos have me
jacked up, guys.

There they go.

Bye, rhinos.

Come back again.

Head back to camp,

make sure the baboons are
not messing with our stuff.

That would be devastating.

The good news, guys,
I still see my stuff,

so baboons have not came
and taken it.

So let's go fishing.

So I found this weird beetle.

And we're going to try
to use him as a topwater bait.

I don't know.

It's a whole beetle in there.
We'll find out.

Either it works or it doesn't.

I am a little disappointed
in the fishing.

I can't catch anything.

It's like the fish have
just stopped biting.

Emotionally,
it's been a roller-coaster.

And I know I'm hard on myself.

I'm very competitive.

There we go.

I'll judge myself first
over anybody.

Be a great day
to be horseback riding.

Packing the little burro
in the mountains.

He'd love it here.

Oh, fish are swirled
right over there.

He needs to come over here.

I remember a time

I did the trainer incentive
challenge.

Everybody gets a burro,
wild, untouched.

You have 90 days to train it.

And then you go
and compete with it.

I got a burro, Badger.

I had him doing everything
in three days,

leading, crossing bridges,

loading in and out
of trailers,

where everybody else could
barely get a halter on them.

Fish just swirled right there.

Come over here.

Why aren't you guys
swirling here?

We get to competition day one,
and I bombed.

Badger laid down.
He reared up.

He refused to get
in the trailer.

He refused to do anything.

He was just having an off day.

And I'm like,
there's no winning it now.

I thought something would
nail this bug sooner.

Well, we came back.

And then we blew it
out of the water.

We won grand champion,
me and that burro.

And I have adopted him,
and he's the best.

I'm shocked that nothing's
wanting to come bite this.

But you got to stay strong,
stay positive.

And so the lesson is to think
about what's in front of me

and not what's behind me.

All right.
Well, I think we're done.

You tried, little bug.

I'm not giving up.

We'll get there.

Remember, rhino strong.

You got this.

Oh, gosh.
Baboon tracks.

.

Those bloody baboons.

When I was out hunting,
they were cruising through.

And my lovely wallaby hat
has gone.

Taking things like that,
you get cranky with them.

Little buggers.

All right.
I need to go forage.

So I'm just going
to shut my shelter up,

make sure
that doesn't happen again.

Down this comes.

Here we go.

Locked safe.

Away from those maniac baboons.

Where would they have
taken my hat?

Back to their lair?

God.

Anyway, that's as locked up
as it gets right now.

Alrighty.

Heading out.

Out here, the calories in,
calories out

is a very real factor.

So even if I'm not
eating protein,

I want to eat every day.

And so plants are
really critical for me.

Look, I've got lots
of foraged greens.

Wormwood, cabbage, and mint.

And this is also
where the grass seeds were.

I can process
a little bit of grains.

Plant food,
particularly wild plants,

have a very, very high
nutritional content,

much higher than, say,

a lettuce that you buy
from the shops.

And it just feels good.

I've got enough for tonight,
but I'll have a look

and see if there's
anything else around here.

This is a very,
very arid environment

and there's not
a lot of plant food.

But one of the things I like
to look for in environments

is all the spaces in between,
things that most people miss.

Very weird.

Good, they're in the clay.

So I'm using its potential
as much as I can.

Come on.
Out you get. God.

There we go.

Bizarre that they're
growing right there.

But I won't reject it.

Oh.
I'm going to make a dinner.

Back we go.

This looks yummy.

This could be a rocking,
rocking veggie thing.

I think when
we're talking about hunger

and the potential
for starvation on the show,

we're really
talking about food security.

I'm fascinated to see what
these little seeds taste like.

And I've dealt
with the psychology

of poor food security
quite a few times,

particularly in Arnhem Land,

where Indigenous people
just don't anymore have access

to enough traditional
bush foods because

their environment's been
destroyed by feral animals.

And their health is suffering

because they're eating
Western food.

Mmm. Yum.

Like roasted sesame seeds
or something.

It's a threat to your
whole nervous system

and your sense of safety
on country

when you don't
have enough food.

And then probably
the best thing to do with it is

put water in it,

soak overnight,
and eat in the morning

like a mealy porridge.

And ultimately, I feel like
the real edge on this show

is about understanding how
to feed yourself consistently.

Oh, that's nice.

Well, it's early.

I've been out fishing
for a couple hours already.

And I had success.

First off,

there's this guy.

It's a lot of meat.

That is super exciting
for a hungry person.

Love it.

Look at this.

I caught that
on a small catfish.

Still on the hook right there.

Two for one, a little catfish

ate that scorpion,
got on the hook,

big catfish came
to eat the little catfish

and luckily also got
on the hook.

With that, I've got
quite a bit of meat.

Seems like the fishing here
is on again, off again.

But I feel like
the momentum's back.

I've been successful
really early in the mornings

and then at night, so I feel
like I'm unlocking the code

to catching these fish.

This fish is dead.
That's just the nerves.

And I thought I couldn't
use catfish meat

to fish for other catfish.

But apparently, I can.

I'm going to go get
this one in the pot

and then come back
and finish up.

Catching these fish
really makes me feel

optimistic about moving
forward with my shelter.

And hopefully,
I can keep the momentum

and continue to bring in
those catfish.

The game plan right now
is to go eat.

Let's see how this fish
is coming along.

When you're not getting food

and you're concerned
about getting food,

that weighs on you
pretty significantly.

Full pot of catfish.

That's a beautiful sight.

And then when you do get food,
it feels so good.

And you feel so confident
that you're going to be able

to make this
and it's going to work.

Mmm. Time to eat.

This is a pattern that
our ancestors lived through

on a regular basis,

the feast and famine mode
of living.

And it's not just physical.

It's also mental.

And I can really see that.

I can't describe
how delicious it is.

While I'm out here,

I think about the writings
of the Stoics all the time,

which was taught to me
really clearly by my mother.

I need to slow down
a little bit.

That was hot.

Specifically the concept that
when we face a challenge,

rather than focusing on
how terrible that might be,

recognising within that
obstacle is a pathway forward.

That obstacle becomes
the path.

The easiest example
to point to is the catfish.

They were breaking my lines,
stealing my hooks.

It was a big obstacle.

But it also became the way.

Those big fish are
my main food source.

I'm full.

I got lunch in there still.

In the moment, it doesn't
always seem that way.

But when you look back,
you realise

that those obstacles
in your life

brought about
important things for you

and often led to solutions

that had much better outcomes
than if that obstacle

wasn't there
in the first place.

You guys, if you're having
a bad hair day,

I don't want to hear about it.

Seriously, stop complaining
about your hair,

because look at this mess.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. I know it's a mess.

Thank you for letting me know.
Geese.

The geese think
they're so funny.

All right, now I'm going
to put it back in a ponytail.

OK.

Hair's done for the day.

Let's get ready.
We're going hunting.

We have to get a warthog, guys.

Wish us luck.

Fishing is not working.

I'm not catching anything.

So today, I'm going hunting.

It is super important
to hunt as many days

as I can
before there's the day

where I can't pull
my bow back.

I'm giving it my all.

I'm finding the grit inside
and pushing.

The sun feels good.

People don't look at women
the same way they look at men.

And I want to break down
barriers for female hunters

and female guides.

I do like I can inspire
more women by being here.

No freaking way.

I see a warthog
way the eff down there.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, [bleep].

Oh, sh**t.

I'm going to lose them
for a little bit.

.

I shot low.

He ran off.

I missed my shot.

I can't draw my bow back

all the way
to my anchor point.

My arrow.

This might be
our last day hunting.

It's not really ethical
to keep hunting

if I can't pull it back.

Oh, man.

I can't pull it back
all the way.

I get to about, like, here,

and I need, like,
another inch or two.

It's devastating.

I'm trying not to break down,
but I'm gonna.

Because there's
just no way around it.

No sense in holding it in.
It just makes things worse.

I am here to push my limits.

I'm not here to just give up
when it gets hard.

I'm going to push.

So I know that
I gave it everything I had.

And there's nothing left
to give.

I ask myself, do you have food?

Do you water?
Do you have shelter?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Then you're fine.
Get over it.

Whoo!

Finished.

I'm going to go hunting.

I think those grass seeds

really had a bit
of extra oomph in them

because I don't feel
quite so taxed today.

Oh, God.

.

It would have been, like,
a 50-yard shot.

There's no way
I could have made it.

But I think I missed
a great opportunity to get--

to get a piggy.

But it's a great encouragement.

It feels like
it's possible after today.

I just need to trust
it's all going to be OK.

That this whole thing
is like a life parallel.

This adventure
in South Africa, at its core,

there's a sense
of a spiritual quest.

I mean, I did a lot
of vision quests in my life.

Head back to the shelter.

And I've learned
that transformation

often involves loss,

losing part of yourself
in order to grow.

And those lessons really
helped me when I gave birth.

That experience
really taught me

that women are just heroes.

Plant food soup again tonight.

I mean, what we endure in
childbirth is quite something.

It does literally feel
at one point

like you will die.

We've got these little sedge--

little sedge plant today.

And then you pick them apart,

you kind of just get
this little--

it's not much.

It's just, like,
a little white bit.

But I realised what died in me
was my young woman.

And that death was critical

so that I could become
a mother.

And even though
I've struggled here,

the energy of the quest

keeps me on track
with my purpose.

Ooh, yeah.

Survival stew.

And while I'm experiencing
the loss

of a long


I'm initiating a new phase
of independence as a woman.

And so I know to trust
in the challenges, the grief,

the pain
as unlocking your power.

That's been one
of the most profound threads

in all of this journey.

It's crazy.

I don't have enough food,
but I'm all right.

I'm eating
a big breakfast today.

I only have one meal left
after this one,

and I'll be out of fish again.

Oh, that was a good breakfast.

I'm full.

I'll go get started
on the rock shelter.

I've got two fishing lines
out this morning already.

I can keep an eye
on both of them

while I'm working
on the shelter.

For now, I'm going
to stick around camp.

I don't think I'm going
to hunt for a while now,

just focus on catching
more fish,

getting it out to dry,

and getting
this shelter built.

I do want to be able
to stand up in the shelter,

so I'm going to go on up
a little higher.

But I'm going to switch
to a different kind of stone.

There is another source
of stone.

It's a metamorphic rock.

It looks like it's slate
that's been under

a lot of heat and pressure.

It's further away,
but it's flatter,

more sheer surfaces,

which make it
a little easier to stack.

Today, I'm going to work
on finishing the stone work.

See if I can get that done.

I admit, just from
a calorie perspective,

this shelter is overkill
for this game.

But it's something
I want to do.

Certainly, getting food
is the priority.

But I think I can do this

without threatening
my length of stay.

This season might
go really long.

And so to spend energy
to make this shelter

I think will pay off
over time.

I'm going to sleep
really comfortable and warm,

so I won't burn calories
as much.

If I can continue
to catch fish,

I don't see any reason

why I can't stay here
indefinitely.

.

.

.

.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Damn it.

One weak spot,
that's all it took.

Not good.

I know exactly where
that weak spot was too.

And I was ignoring it.

Paid the price.
I should have--

I should have gone back,
back when I saw it starting.

When I built
that section of that corner,

I used stone
that I shouldn't have.

Little footage of
the devastation from this side.

Missing that corner,
it's in a very fragile state.

And more of this wall
can easily collapse.

I feel like
I can't recover from this.

It's lost its integrity.

It's over and done.

I need to reassess.

And in the calorie game,
is it worth it at this point?

Burning a lot of calories.
Can't keep that up.

I need to get fish again.

So I'm going to go check
on my fishing poles.

If you're not getting
enough calories,

that affects not just
your energy level,

but it affects
your mental health

and your mental game.

If you're not taking care
of that calorie need,

a lot of other issues
are going to come up.

So I just checked
my fishing lines,

and I've got snags.

Two snagged hooks.

I can't afford to lose those,
so I'm going to dive for them.

I've learned
through experience

that the things
I value the most,

the times I've had
the most growth,

are usually connected
to some form of struggle.

One of the greatest gifts
that our parents gave to us

was the opportunity
to do difficult things.

To not rescue us from them.

Got it.

Difficult times were seen
as an opportunity for growth

rather than as
a negative thing.

OK.
Time to get hook number two.

Going on a 50-mile hike
with the Boy Scouts

and having blisters
on my feet, feeling the pain,

but then arriving
at our final destination

and having accomplished that
was deeply satisfying.

I don't think
you can be truly happy

and feel the depth
of happiness

unless you've also suffered.

Those two things,
they coexist.

Ugh.

Dang it.

Lost one of the hooks.

And certainly,
it's been a struggle for me.

I have deep admiration
for everybody

who's ever been
on the "Alone" show.

I think they're courageous.

It takes a tremendous
amount of courage

to go and do this.

To put yourself out there
in the public eye.

To go through an experience
where you're going

to burn yourself down,
you know, psychologically

and physically,
and let the whole world

see you go through
that process,

that takes a lot of courage.

And there's a high risk
of failure with that.

But struggle is important.

And success is possible.

Sometimes it just takes time,
but you persist, keep trying.

So that's what I'm going
to do, just keep trying.