03x08 - Together and Apart

[bunniefuu]

Previously on the real world...

I felt uncomfortable.

He's the one with the disease.

He should make me feel comfortable.

The only two people that I have friction with

Is rachel and puck.

I've never lived with anybody with h.i.v.

I guess we're gonna agree to disagree.

This is the true story...

True story...

Of seven strangers...

Picked to live in a house...

And have their lives taped...

Oh, lucy, I'm home !

To find out what happens...

When people stop being polite...

And start getting real.

Mtv's the real world, san francisco.

[ Judd ] I'm watching the news,

And I found out randy shilts had died about two days ago.

Randy shilts was a reporter.

He was the first writer with A*DS

That reached middle-america.

[ Crowd shouting ]

[ Judd ] in response to the memorial,

Fred phelps from kansas felt this would be an opportune time

To protest h*m*.

How can anybody protest a memorial, y'know ?

That's beyond me.

[ Judd ] they just hopped out of their van,

Held up their really horrible signs.

"Randy shilts is in hell."

"The f*g quilt is a lie."

[ Police whistle ]

[ Crowd chanting ] go home ! Go home !

[ Judd ] there are thousands of us,

And like of them with these grotesque signs,

And they started getting pelted with eggs

And just shouted down.

[ Mohammed ] was it cool besides that, though ?

I felt weird 'cause I felt bad for pedro.

It bugged him... A lot.

[ Pedro ] how can somebody who doesn't know me,

Hate me so much ?

I think, of course, it's easier to hate people.

Who you don't know.who you don't know.

On the way over there I was telling judd,

I said, "listen, when I die, I want to die like this."

I want a protest.

I want big cars of people protesting me

And all that stuff, you know.

I could deal with that.

But, it was just a hatred.

[ Pam ] I'm very worried.

I can hear something ticking.

Something bad's gonna happen.

Neither of us wants to think about it.

I certainly don't want to think about it,

But I'm thinking about it.

I have to change, I have to do something,

And I don't take care of myself as much as I should.

[ Woman ] okay, so I'm gonna give you

Some points for your lymph system,

And then we'll concentrate on the digestive area also,

'Cause of the diarrhea.

Okay.

[ Pedro ] I go to acupuncture every week.

It's a chinese treatment

Where they put needles into certain points in your body.

[ Pedro ] ow.

[ Woman ] that one hurt, huh ?

Not to get rid of h.i.v.

'Cause you cannot get rid of the virus,

But to boost the immune system.

I'm gonna do one in your ear for your adrenals,

And then one at the top of your head.

[ Pedro ] I just wanted to try something different.

I'm trying to do what I have to do to stay healthy,

And I find that after the treatment I feel very relaxed.

[ Pedro ] I could feel a little tingling sensation.

It would come and go.

It was really kind of weird

To go like this and see a needle right here.

It was like, "hmm."

So, this is like a business that does this,

Or you go to the hospital ?

It's a clinic.

You ever thought about gettin' a really big tattoo ?

Or even just a good tattoo ?

How do you jump from acupuncture to tattoo ?

Oh, it's the same type of thing, man.

You get really jittery while it's happening,

And then you get into a whole three days of just, "whew, man."

It's entering your body so many times.

It's poking, poking, poking.

It's like acupuncture on a bigger level.

[ Pedro ] I'm still having a very tough time living with puck.

You can't have a conversation with him,

Or you can't have a conversation with somebody else around him

Because he brings everything back to him.

Ball hits him right in the eyeball.

"Bam !"

He had stitch-marks from the eyeball to his face.

[ Puck ] I think pedro's a little swollen-up

From what his life has become.

I'm not gonna dissect his stance on life, man.

He's doin' his thing, and I'm doin' my thing,

And I think they're two separate things.

This is it, man, this is like--

Make-out hill, man.

This is "point inverness", man.

[ Puck ] the girls, I didexpress to them how I feel about "inverness".

So I took 'em there,

'Cause I want 'em to understand more about me.

There's the elk.

There's the elk, right there.

See 'em ?

[ Cory ] totally.

[ Puck ] take your shirt off, be naked.

God, that's so rad.

We're leaving, yon elk.

Look at, these are all sea anemones,

All these things stuck right here.

Oh, and a starfish.

Look, look, look, look !

That's the coolest little niche.

I'd live there

If I had to be a fungus or a starfish.

That's what I told pedro when I first came,

That I wanted to take him to the tide pools.

[ Cory ] puck, we found an abalone !

Where ?

Right here, puck, it's alive.

Whoah, it's a huge one.

It's already broken, too.

Yeah, and rachel found it.

Oh my gosh !

Oh, yum, dinner tonight.

Is that really gonna taste good ?

Kiss it, kiss it, c'mon, rach.

[ Laughs ]

[ Cory ] these past two days

That I've spent with puck and rachel,

I have felt so much happier.

I really feel like, now that I'm starting to get to know

Puck and rachel a little bit better,

My eyes really have a chance to be open,

To understand a different part of the world than I've ever seen before.

[ Cory ] they're like mussels.

Y'know what mussels are, that stick to the rocks ?

[ Cory ] and he got the abalone off the rock,

And we k*lled it.

Well, no, not that it's mean, but--

You're gonna eat it.

[ Rachel ] we're gonna eat it.

Awesome day.

Hoofta.

Mmm.

Oh, good.

Mmm.

[ Cory ] we hunted it today.

[ Puck ] we hunted it.

[ Pedro ] she has been spending a lot of time with puck.

She hasn't been asking me to do things with her.

[ Mohammed ] everything that cory comes into contact with

Is like, exciting and new for her.

[ Cory ] what are we gonna do with your friends ?

Can we play with your friends, too, puck ?

"Can we play with your friends ?"

Cory, you are so th-grade, man, whoah.

I think she's a puck enthusiast right now.

[ Cory ] we did a really good job.

[ Pedro ] the A*DS coordinator for the white house

Was going to be doing a show,

And they wanted me to be part of the show.

So, it was pretty much in a rush.

I had to fly to l.a. Pretty quickly.

[ Tv show theme music ]

Do you know how you contracted A*DS ?

I know that I got it through unprotected sex.

And you are g*y ?

Yes, I am.okay.

But it's-- when I get asked that question,

I did not get A*DS because I am g*y.

I got it because I had unprotected sex.

And I always say this statement:

I, as a person living with h.i.v.

Could be extremely sexual with another human being

And never put he or she at risk to getting h.i.v.

But I could take it a step further...

[ Pedro ] when I first found out I was h.i.v. Positive,

I felt this immense amount of anger

And I didn't know what to do with it.

When I started speaking,

That was my way of doing something about it.

[ Rachel ] pedro, I thought you were going to l.a. Today.

I did.

You wanna look at the tape ?

Oh, yeah.

[ Pedro ] with rachel, I worry a little bit.

Our views are not just different,

They're opposing views.

If I met somebody,

And I really cared about them,

And then they're like, "well, guess what, I'm h.i.v. Positive,"

As horrible as it may sound,

I'd be like, "later, dude."

That's your decision.

But, then, don't expect me to...

[ Rachel ] to what ? Support it.

Friendship-wise, whatever, that's fine.

But a sexual relationship with that person

Is not important enough for me

To put my body and my life at risk.

We do know enough

To know how you could protect yourself.

You're letting that fear control you.

You're not going to experience that relationship.

I think it's unreasonable,

And I know you don't like that,

But I'm saying for me.

Wait, lemme finish, lemme finish.

Let me finish.

What up !

I delivered to bear/sterns today.

St floor, it's right over there.

It's such a big, fat building.

You can see the...

Oh, okay, I'm glad you're interested in what I'm tellin' you.

Bear/stern's, y'know.

You go up, get out of the elevator,

You step off the elevator, you can see the whole city.

It's like "pssshh."

[ Rachel ] puck does not respect him.

I mean, he does that to me all the time,

And that's just the way he is.

But, pedro's too proud.

So, I kinda feel pulled in both directions,

And I don't think I should feel that way in my own house.

You just sat down there.

One, you didn't know what the conversation was about,

And maybe that's why you're getting the reaction you're getting from him.

I was tryin' to just be nice.

Do you know what I saw ?

I catch eyes, like I catch eyes on you,

Little eyes rolling.

If you have a problem with me, say it,

But he won't say it.

He stuffs it somewhere and doesn't tell me.

Whatever.do you really want to hear it ?

[ Train whistle ]

[ Pedro ] I'm going to get the results from my blood work.

I've been trying not to think too much about it.

I know that my t-cell count is gonna be pretty low.

Hi, this is pedro, I have a : appointment.

[ Pam ] it's hard to think of what a t-cell is,

But, basically it's the cell in your blood

That gets destroyed by the A*DS virus.

Generally, if you have over t-cells, which is normal,

You don't have any symptoms.

A hundred is low.

And people who usually have around or cd-cells, or t-cells,

Start getting sick.

Hello.

How are you ?

[ Pam ] pedro's had some illnesses,

But I don't think he thinks of himself as a sick--

As a sick person, though.

Before we do an exam,

What I'd like to review with you is your lab tests.

Your cd, your total helper t-cells are right now.

So, that's a drop for you.

This doesn't mean that you should walk out feeling worse

Than you did when you walked in this morning.

Right.

The numbers can't tell you how to feel.

On the other hand,

This isa warning sign for you

That you need to take really good care of yourself.

[ Pedro ] the bad news is

That my t-cell count dropped again,

So I have, pretty much, no t-cells.

I have maybe t-cells, which is ridiculous.

So, then I'm gonna go on this treatment for the diarrhea.

[ Pam ] what'd she give you, flagyl ?

Flagyl, yeah.

Then go on dapsone...

Dapsone, yeah.

For the pneumonia.

Oh, okay.

[ Pam ] pedro is scaring me.

He might get really sick,

And I really hope he's the exception

'Cause he's an incredible person.

That's not fair.

[ Sean ] y'know, a lot of times I get these really...

Guilty feelings.

Hm, yeah.

I feel guilty for having a high t-cell count.

[ Laughs ]

I feel guilty for having this [ blank ] for almost--

At least eight years.

Your body has reacted very good to the virus.

Well, how do you bottle it ?

That's the question.

[ Pam ] the first patient I ever had died of A*DS.

It's still not the same.

It is not the same as...

Pedro, living in our house.

I tell myself, "you're setting yourself up for a real fall."

And it's like...

Y'know, still in there anyway.

It's just too big.

I've never ever, ever had to deal with this.

[ Car horn ]

[ Pedro ] I went to stanford university to speak to a residence hall.

I was a little bit nervous about it

How you doing ?

Because it's too tough, the emotion is right there.

[ Puck, sarcastically ] yeah, they loved me when I was livin' here.

[ Rachel ] what a cute house your mom has.

[ Doorbell ]

Every time I clean that,

You come and put your nose or your mouth on it.

I put both that time.

Hi, mom.hello, baby.

[ Puck ] my mom is my balancer.

She balances me out real nice.

[ Cory ] it was surprising.

I mean, it's a completely normal place.

The house is all decorated nice

And it's got carpet and it's clean.

He's so crazy that sometimes you wonder.

Mom knows.

There's always little sticks in here for her boys.

[ Rachel ] you just look like sean cassidy or something.

That's not sean cassidy, that's me.

Where I live, my whole bed is just like oscar madison.

This is wonderful for them.

I know, I'm surprised your roommates

Are still speaking to you, actually.

My mom's on it, man.

She's like, "cool, I'll buy you sushi."

Cory, and rachel, my mom, and my grandma--

Fourchicks, all the bonus points, bah !

This is incredible, I love this.

[ Pam ] alright, we'll be over there.

[ Pam ] pedro's doing a presentation,

And I rushed over from the clinic.

[ Judd ] pam and I went to see pedro speak at stanford.

[ Pam ] that was important for me.

I think I was really... Anxious.

Okay, then maybe you can even make pedro's thing, eh ?

Yeah, either way.

Uh, :. No.

Well, don't rush, just don't look at the time.

Just whatever.i don't think we're gonna make it.

[ Cory ] and at four o'clock,

Pedro was going to go to his first presentation.

Rachel really wanted to see it, and I did, too.

I know enough about A*DS to not go to pedro's functions

'Cause he didn't go to mine.

So, I don't need to be educated by pedro.

[ Cory ] the one thing about being out with puck that bothers me,

He talks about pedro a lot.

That's when it gets hard to stand a middle-ground.

I would never go out like pedro, anyway.

If I did have A*DS,

I'd be in the south of france and, uh...

Nepal and switzerland, and then I'd die.

[ Rachel ] I mean, puck feels like pedro should be out

Partying and enjoying himself.

Pedro sees it as, "this is my time,

And I'm gonna do something positive."

I wouldn't be out whining.

He's not whining, he's educating.

[ Rachel ] you know, both are kind of right, but--

It's just really weird.

There it was !

My name is pedro and I am -years-old,

I just turned .

And I live in...

Well, right now I live in san francisco.

I'm originally from cuba, and just got here from miami.

[ Pedro ] judd and pam really helped me a lot.

It was really kind of nice to just look into the audience

And see two faces that I knew.

Yeah.

[ Girl ] finding out you're h.i.v. Positive,

How did that change your views on the future,

And what you wanted to do ?

When I first found out I was h.i.v. Positive,

I thought I was gonna die.

So, I graduated a year earlier from high school

Because I wanted--

I became obsessed with graduating from high school.

It was something that I wanted to do before I died.

[ Man ] is there ever any time where you forget

That you're h.i.v. Positive ?

No, there's not one second of my day

That I'm not aware that I am h.i.v. Positive.

But, that doesn't mean that my happier moments are less happy,

And I don't want to forget that I have A*DS,

And I don't want youto forget that I have A*DS.

You have to understand, A*DS is part of my life.

It's my reality, it's who I am.

I will probably not see the age of .

I will probably die before I turn -years-of-age.

But, that's, of course, statistically-speaking,

And what I have to remind myself constantly

Is that I'm not a statistic, I'm a human-being,

And somehow, you have to find some type of meaning to your life.

I have to believe that there's a sense to all of this.

That all the pain that I'm going through,

That all the anger, all the frustration,

That there's something bigger than that.

And i, i... I believe in a god.

I have this belief that god is never gonna give me

More than I could handle at a day's time.

My reality today is that I am a person living with A*DS.

I'm not dying, I am living with it.

And until my last breath,

I will be a person living with A*DS.

[ Applause ]

[ Pam ] I was really happy to see that.

It made me think a little bit more

About the fact that someone with a terminal illness

Is still living with it.

You guys are great.

Don't worry about it.

Thank you.

[ Cory ] I think coming here,

Pedro and I got really close really quick,

And then we just really stopped spending time together.

[ Cory ] I have felt so guilty

Because I wanted to be there for you,

And I told you I would,

And I totally wasn't.

I told you, don't worry about it.

This is not the only presentation I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna do like presentations,

I would hope that you go to one of them.

But, at the same time, I should've done this

'Cause I woulda been so much happier with myself,

And I just felt like I kinda betrayed you in a way.

It did surprise me that you didn't go, but then I figured,

"I told her that there'd be other presentations,"

And there are, you know.

[ Cory ] you just know,

You know things are changing, words are kinda forced.

I don't know how to explain it,

But things between pedro and I really changed.

[ Judd ] let's go !

[ Judd ] it was an ideal day.

We'd had a very tense couple of days before,

So we were just gonna go to the park, unwind.

[ Pedro ] me, judd, pam and her boyfriend,

We had a wonderful day.

Get away from it all.

[ Pedro ] c'mon, c'mon, you can do better than that.

[ Judd ] you have to pick a direction to go in.

What do you mean "pick a direction" ?

[ Pam ] I don't know, I feel like his mom sometimes.

Maybe thinking, "oh, he's got t-cells, he should be resting."

But, it seemed to me that he was extra committed to...

To really living.

Trust me, I'll give you a head start.

Okay, to the sidewalk ?

Okay, sure.

You call it.

[ Pam ] and, go !

Oh !

On the next real world...

An unconfirmed g*y guy.

What I really hate is this whole "g*y thing".

[ Puck ] it bothers me if it's all

"A*DS, A*DS, A*DS, g*y, young, A*DS."

There's nothing else there for me, man.

I'm isolating myself from you guys

As long as puck is around.

[ Latin jazz on radio ]

[ Pam ] I didn't play team sports until like...

I don't think I've ever quite gotten over team sports.