01x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

[awakening]

[she turns off the alarm]

[she moans]

[she laughs] Oh...

[notification]

[Jo] No?

The landlord increased the rent.

- Non ?
- We're taking your mother's apartment.

No, what are we going to do in the 8th?

[door]

You'll bring Blake back.
This neighborhood reassures millionaires.

Very funny. [small laugh]
What do you think?

Oh yeah.

The big game.

Yeah.

[notification]

Holy sh*t!

[rock music]

- Pardon.
- You're late.

Yes, it's my fault. In fact, I...

I had the crazy idea of ​​sending Alma
buy seafood.

Report to...

- Report on behalf of the client.
- Ah, of course.

So what?

And we realized
that he was a vegetarian.

- So we sent the seafood back.
- I see.

Are we ready?

Yes. I checked the room yesterday,
It's good.

And... I can't wait to meet him.

[celestial music]

- Mr. Octopus, welcome.
- THANKS.

- How are you ?
- Very well. Call me Jesus.

[little laugh]

You are welcome.

[Alma] Hello.

- [Jesus] Hello.
- [Sam] Welcome.

In any case...

Very nice hotel. Wow!

It looks great.

[Jesus sighs]
Sorry about the stairs.

We're sh**ting in two days
and I can't get into the role.

It's an anxiety.
So my coach told me to...

to try to slip me in
in the character's skin,

until he becomes completely himself.

As we begin
by a scene of the Stations of the Cross,

I'm working on my hamstrings to get better.

[Alma] It must be crazy to play Jesus.

[Jesus] Yeah, that's a big ref.

I didn't know and it's true that,

today, after 10 min,
you are forgotten.

But for him, it's been 2024 years
that he remains the boss of the game.

If he was on Insta today,
he would be ahead of Ronaldo.

It's for sure.

We arrive in front of your room.

OK. On the other hand, I beg you,
can you speak to me informally?

And if you can call me Jesus
ou Yeshua?

Or JC, if that's easier.

It would help me slide
a little more in the role.

Do you know Jesus in the toilet?

Non.

Me neither,
he had closed the "post". The door.

[laughing] Can I call you Marie?

Or Mary Magdalene? No?

[Jesus] Just Mary, OK.

[he sighs]

You're stupid...

Does that suit you?

Yes, it's very beautiful, but...

Actually,

I was born in a barn.
I would be the equivalent

from a homeless person to us.

If you could put me in the basement instead,

in a somewhat dirty room,

it's no longer crazy.

And I ask a lot of you,
but if you can put sheep

in the room, then there...

I would be at the max! Really. Ah!

Thank you very much. Thank you, my son.

You know what, wait.

Hold.

So.

[man] Thank you.

This is my body.

We have small rooms,

but not in the basement.

Listen, I'm not going to bore you,
It's annoying.

I stay here, but you help me,

we take things away, it will be

no longer in delirium.

You help me, take this.
We do this quickly.

We put the furniture in the hallway,
in a friendly manner.

[effort] Hop !

[notification]

[she sighs]

Why are you complaining?

The guy I hooked up with on Friday
wants to see me again.

- Was it crap?
- Bof.

The rule,
It's only once per person.

Everything we have done
for you straight people.

You're welcome, by the way.

The free couple
is not reserved for gays.

If we don't care about appropriation
cultural, I'm going to get an afro.

You've come across!

[man] Hello.

[together] Hello.

[Jo] Who is he? Do we know him?

"Ian is doing sports." On Insta.

- Do you do sports?
- Oh no.

But my Insta algorithm
knows me well.

Do you know when we're leaving?

- I told you, I have things to take care of.
- But what?

[notification]

[coffee machine]

[she laughs]

[little laugh]

[Naïm] There you go.

THANKS.

What makes you laugh?

A guy I'm talking to.

A potential guy?

Non.

- Why, no?
- Don't want to.

No time.

Especially since

that Jesus came into my life.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jesus. [chuckle]

- [effort]
- [coach] OK.

- [on touch]
- [coach] Come in.

- [effort]
- You go.

[effort]

- [coach] 14...

- One last one.
- [effort]

Go ahead, send it. There you go.

- [Jesus sighs] Is that okay?
- You're ready.

- [effort then sigh]
- I'll prepare your shaker.

- Are you okay, Jesus?
- Yeah.

It’s a big physical preparation
with Ian.

In fact, we don't realize it,
but Jesus is...

It's super awesome.

He was a nomad.

He was just walking
and eat proteins.

[set] Dry muscle!

[Alma] And the cross,

what is it for?

It's because we're going to do
the repetition of the crucifixion.

There are three highlights.
At 9am I'm nailed.

Midday, it's starting to get bad.

And 3 p.m., there I am, Clackman's, what.



The Koh Lanta posts are ridiculous.

By the way, what is it,
your favorite apostles?

- You ?
- Barthos.

- Barthélemy.
- [Jesus] OK.

[Jesus] And you?

- You're not Catholic?
- Non.

Finally, I was baptized,

but that's all.

More...

Wait, that's the problem.

Why don't I fit the role?
I am not baptized.

Organize it for me.

What is that?

A baptism?

Yes, tomorrow at dawn,
in the hotel swimming pool.

Is there a swimming pool?

Yes.

Booyah, we do this.

- Perfect.
- Let's go.

- [vibrate]
- We're doing this. Excuse me.

This is my Aramaic teacher.

Can you remove the beauty products?
There is no scrubbing in Nazareth.

Huh? Thanks.

- Of course.
- [Jesus] Chlomo, Fabrice.

How are you ?

I worked a little.

I know how to order shawarma.

[bip]

- [Blake] Hello.
- Good morning.

- Did you rob Sephora?
- For an important client.

More important than me?

Jesus.

Jesus?

He wants to be baptized,
I am looking for a priest.

[chuckle] Okay.

[he sniffs]

[elevator bell]

After you.

[elevator] Closing.

[he sighs]

[she sighs]

[elevator bell]

[elevator] Closing.

Good day, Mr. Blake.

Have a nice day, Alma.

- Do you know a priest?
- A priest?

Uh...

I know the one who married us
with Isabelle.

Is he good?

We got divorced.

So I would say no.

- Do you want to convert?
- Non.

This is for Mr. Octopus.

He wants to be baptized tomorrow
in the pool.

So, Alma, you know
that you have the right to say no?

If these are things...

Marco is going to k*ll me.

OK.

[inspiration]

Good luck. [chuckle]

THANKS.

[Alma] I called 20 parishes.

Not a single priest accepts.

- Even for Jesus?
- [Manue] Normal.

It takes 2 years of catechism for an adult.

Yeah, they keep telling me that.

- [Alma] Do you know a nice one?
- Especially with children.

It's not a question
to be nice or not.

It's on principle.
They are committed to their teaching.

[Théo] Love your neighbor
if he's not g*y.

You believe in nothing.

- Yes.
- So, go ahead.

Astrology.

And Nicki Minaj.

- [Alma] Merci, M. Blake.
- You are welcome.

Will he accept?

I hope,
given the money I give to his parish.

Do you come back to Paris often?

Not enough.

I love this city.

I spent my teenage years there.

"In my chauffeured limousine,

"in my favorite neighborhood,
the 16th arrondissement."

Ah OK.

You have a bad image of me.
No, in Champigny, in the 94.

And I took the RER.

As a teenager, I dreamed of living here.

Me too.

I lived in Yonne,
in a rotten village.

Well, not rotten, very pretty.
But there was nothing to be done.

Paris was magical.
It still is, actually.

The opportunities,
energy, culture...

- I know Paris by heart.
- Oh yeah?

I can show you things.

You don't believe me?

- Non.
- For what ?

We should go through there already.

Yes, but we would pass
by the Pont des Arts and...

My wife fell off that bridge.

Ah...

- Here we go ?
- Is...

I am sincerely sorry, Mr. Blake.

[he laughs softly]

At this point, call me Alex.

[Alma] Ah.

Alex. Yes, of course.

- Need help?
- THANKS.

[celestial music]

Oh yeah... Oh yeah, great.

[Jesus] That's a great shot.

Oh, wow.

I've never seen anything so...

- Bizarre ?
- Non.

I was going to say "idiot".

[Jesus] I'm going to wet my neck.

Afterwards, I...

You have to be careful of hydrocution,
I ate a panini before.

[Jesus] You have to be careful, though.

[celestial music]

- Here we go ?
- Let's go.

- [music stops]
- [Jesus groans]

[Soul] Hallelujah.

Alleluia.

[Jesus] Chanmé.

- [Blake] Bravo !
- [applause]

Big madness.

[he sighs]

- SO ?
- Well... [he breathes]

It was crazy.

I feel really different.

I still feel like myself,
but another me.

Like when I take
some good big mushrooms, same thing. It's...

And thank you for Father Puech.

- He's great.
- My pleasure.

All you need is the Last Supper.

Well yeah. You're right.

We have the Last Supper, Jesus' meal.

Me and twelve people at the table,
and bench, little stool.

We take Father Puech,
It is rented by the day.

Alex and his wife.

- Oh no. Not his wife.
- For what ?

No, I... It's simpler.

- She died.
- sh*t.

Is...

I'll talk to him.

No, I'll take care of it.

Alma, am I ridiculous or not?

- You are perfect.
- THANKS.

Thank you so much.

[he sighs]

[celestial music]

Listen, everyone is here.
We can begin.

Let's eat.

[music stops]

Were the apostles g*y?

Wait, Noah. Not a chick,
twelve guys. They were g*y.

[laugh]

- Excuse me, father.
- [Jesus] Drink.

This is my blood.

No, I'm kidding, a Côte-Rôtie.


[Jesus] Huh? There you go. [laughs]

- I love what he does.
- I love Jesus too.

No, Mr. Octopus.

[Theo] I put my headphones on,

and I do my session.

You don't do sports.

Yes. I go all the time.
to the room, so...

- Are you talking about Sun City?
- [forced laughter]

What do you listen to when you do your sport?
Lady Gaga, Beyoncé?

- Britney Spears ?
- Booba, PNL.

- [she laughs]
- OK.

- You see?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I see.

Ah.

The paschal lamb.

[Ian] Ah...

Are you vegetarian?

No, but I really like animals.

And there he has a first name,
I'm not comfortable.

[Theo laughs]

[ringing]

Please.

I wanted to say thank you
to everyone for coming.

I will never forget you.

I will think of you as I ascend to heaven,
finally, by taking the plane.

I multiply bread and sluices.

Then, Alex,

Alma told me about your wife.

I propose a prayer to you
for the peace of his soul.

No thanks, I prefer not to.

[Jesus] That's what I'm here for.

Bring love.

No, really.

Honestly, trust me.
Give me his name.

[fracas]

[his footsteps move away]

[he sighs]

[the door closes]

[on touch]

Yes ?

I wanted to talk to you.

You've done enough.