09x11 - Depressed and Impressed

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[Jamie] This is the true story...

[Matt] ...of seven strangers...

[Melissa] ...picked to live in a mansion...

[Kelley] ...work together...

[Danny] ...and have their lives taped.

[David] To find out what happens...

[Julie] ...when people stop being polite...

[Jamie] ...and start getting real.

-The Real World...
-[Julie] New Orleans!

[theme music concludes]

[pensive music playing]

[Melissa] There are things
that I have seen in my life

that aren't always great,
and I have just learned to...

cope with problems by suppressing them.

This one?

[Melissa on video]
I'm Melissa, 22, from Tampa.

[squeals, laughs]

I have just learned laughing
about problems and making

other people laugh about them
without ever really exposing the problem.

-This is my beautiful couch.
-[on video] Hi, I'm Melissa.

Those are the things I'm talking about.

My dad's Black, and my mom's Filipino.

[laughs]

Growing up with my father
and my mom was a totally funny experience

which has made me
a totally weird person, I think.

[laughs]

My dad's like the dad on Friday
and George Jefferson at the same time.

He, like, has his little jive walk.
He slams doors in people's faces.

I love my daddy. That's all I want.
I love my daddy... good, bad, all of it.

My mom is totally meant for him.
I don't know how they stayed together

because their relationship
is based upon him making fun of her

and her laughing it off, sometimes crying.

My mom... is the most selfless person
in the world, and even though I don't feel

like she understands me completely,
I love her.

You're totally like... [chuckles]
...ripping your family apart.

Those are my parents.
I love them. They're weird.

[Melissa] My father

was a very bad alcoholic
when I was young.

The environment that I was in
was not like... Not exactly loving.

-[indistinct chatter]
-It was very, like, traumatic.

[melancholic music playing]

There has been sort of a fear put up
between my brother and my dad,

my sister and my dad,
my mom and my dad.

Like, they have a healthy fear of him
when he's drunk, and for me,

I never was really scared.

In the morning time,
when all was said and done,

we were a happy family again.

Like, you don't talk about it.
You don't ask for an apology.

You just go on with your life.

Her roots are...
like nothing I've ever heard before.

The relationship she has with her parents
is completely absurd and whacked.

And that explains
why I constantly try to be funny.

That is my means of survival.

That's the only way I know
how to deal with things that plague me.

That's like your humor defense
has allowed you to love him.

[Melissa] Yeah.
Plus he has given me so much.

He is a good dad. He just had a problem.

-[upbeat music playing]
-[both laugh]

Did you get it in your eye?

Jamie makes me forget that I have problems

and he reminds me that I'm a fun person.

[music continues]

-[Matt] This is my baby.
-[Melissa] You sent that here?

[Matt] I most certainly did.

-[Melissa] Oh, my Lord, that is so cute.
-[chuckles]

Notice the shoes.

I reupholstered them
both at the same time.

[Julie] Look at the little shaft.

I first saw
my first low-rider bike in an MxPx video.

It was the smoothest thing I'd ever seen,

and then the lyrics
of the song are pretty cool.

It's a want ad for a girl.

"I want this kind of girl."
It's kind of sweet in that way,

and it was a want ad
that I could have posted myself.

[Kelley] Man, you need
to take somebody on a date.

-I don't date.
-You don't even take people out to dinner?

I've not found a girl
I want to take out to dinner yet.

[Kelley] You've never taken
anybody out to dinner?

Except my girlfriend.

I've had one girlfriend
my whole life... and I'm content with that.

Tammy and I knew each other for like,
um, six months before I kissed her.

And like, the extent
of my pickiness is disgusting.

I expect so much out of my future girl.

That she's so cool
that right now, she wouldn't have me.

What about kissing? Don't you want
to kiss somebody just to kiss somebody?

-I've only kissed three girls in my life.
-Really?

Uh-huh. And you know I'm a virgin,
so... And that's the extent of it.

I'm very virgin.

[Matt] If I was like to just snuggle
with some girl on the couch

and I didn't really dig her,
I'd want to push her off the couch.

You are picky. Damn.

[chuckles] 'Cause I'm not gonna
touch some girl that I don't like.

I have super-high expectations.
I mean, this chick's got to be really rad.

So, what exactly is your type then?
I'm curious.

Well, I like...
that chick at 735 is pretty cute.

[Kelley] So, what is she, like blonde?

[Matt] Usually,
I like just, like, a groovy kind of,

like, you can tell
the girl's got some spunk.

So, would you want
somebody who dressed more like you?

Yeah, because I think the outside
does reflect some of the inside.

-[upbeat music playing]
-[thunder rumbling]

I am the poster child
for every girl out there that feels ugly

because she opens
a magazine and she's not there.

This is my scrapbook that
I vowed to never bring out again,

and I used to tear pictures
out of magazines

-of what I wanted to look like.
-This is the root of all the evil up here.

[laughs] It's embarrassing.

There is a white standard of beauty.

Since I'm not this beautiful standard,
I feed into it. It's my problem.

We have this weird bond.

Ugly girl power or something,
I don't know. [chuckles]

Once I fully, really understand happiness

and understand...

sadness, then maybe
I can tackle my issues with beauty.

You know, I can only handle
so much trauma.

I mean, there's so much work
to be done in my head right now.

[Julie] Mm-hmm.

But I'm just happy knowing
that it's there

and it's gonna come out one day.

[upbeat music playing]

And I'm just beginning to understand it.
I have suppressed it for 20 years,

that the things
that happened in my childhood

-make me who I am as an adult.
-[Danny] Mm-hmm.

In the past, like,
she's had a bad relationship with her dad.

Like she spent her life covering
that up, and the fact that she has time

to sit around and think a lot is just
really getting to her

and she's going off the deep end.

Over and over I ran through my head, like,

"Do not get sad.
Don't let them break you down."

"There's nothing to be sad about."

I'm really scared to be sad or something,
and when it happens, it freaks me out.

I can't help it. I can't help it.

I just thought that
I was strong enough to do it.

I thought I was strong enough
to be funny all the time.

Oh, my God, do you think I'm going to die?

This problem is bigger than me.

It's bigger than anything
I can understand.

I have allowed it to
fester and grow into something

disgustingly bigger than me,
bigger than my life,

bigger than anything I can handle.

I seriously want
to pack my [bleep] and leave.

[music concludes]

[rock music playing]

[Melissa] This is undoubtedly

the most stressful situation
that doesn't have to be stressful.

[Melissa] My problem here is that
I'm really comfortable here and, like,

this is really me and I don't like it.

[Julie] Melissa is, for the first time
in her life, dealing with a lot of issues

from her past and she is having
a really hard time accepting the fact

that she's got problems
and she's gonna have to work them out.

Do you think something
would be missing if I went home?

-[Kelley] Uh, yeah.
-[Julie] No kidding.

-That's what I told her...
-I'm like, "Are you kidding?"

Melissa is just a dramatic personality
and she gets upset about things quickly.

-You are so not leaving. Don't even tease.
-[chuckles]

[hip-hop music playing]

That's what happened
after she checked my web page.

The last seven girls
I gave my web page to, wanted to chill.

-You've got to be joking me.
-No, my web page is on fire, man.

See, I don't get phone calls like David.
I get girls signing my guest book.

My website is an intricate plan
to meet women, so they go to superfly.com.

You get to see pictures of me,
you get to read my daily journal

and you get a little chunk of me

that is not accessible
when they first meet me.

[Melissa] I'm really worried about you.

What are you going to do
when that computer crashes?

He really believes that the woman
that will be the love of his life

will just fall into his lap one day.

-Well, what's up with Kelly at 735?
-She's actually kind of cool. I like her.

Well, maybe I should call her.

No. She has to go check out your web page.

[Matt] She already did. She already signed
my guest book three times.

Now it's my turn.
That's what she's waiting on,

but I'm still contemplating my next move.

[Julie] Biggest cyber dork

-I've ever even heard of.
-[chuckles]

-The name is cyber pimp, all right?
-[Julie] Girl.

Step off.

[upbeat music playing]

You know Kelly from 735.

-Hello.
-Hello.

Wow! Matt's not asexual.

-[music continues]
-[giggles]

-[indistinct chatter]
-Similar, but mine's whiter...

-[laughs]
-[laughs sarcastically]

-[giggles]
-[indistinct chatter]

[both chuckle]

-Here's my closet, some of it.
-Bright.

-Yeah.
-[laughs]

The other half is in...
This is Jamie, Melissa and Julie.

[Kelly] Hi.

I asked Jamie
if he thinks those girls are... cute.

-[hums silly melody]
-[Julie laughing]

He says that they're full-on Monets.
Like, from far away it's all right,

but when you get up close,
it's a big old mess.

[Kelly] That's my e-mail address, but...

-[Matt] Diva... G-U-R...
-Divajuice.

[Matt] We have a similar style.

We have a similar way
of carrying ourselves, you know, uh,

in the worldly sense,
she's probably my type.

Well, you didn't give me a side hug.

Oh, a full hug.
Uh-oh, I stepped on your toe.

[music continues]

-I like the hair.
-[Kelly] Thank you.

See, that's like comforting for me.

It's like looking in the mirror almost.

[rock music playing]

You talk to Melissa today?
She seems kind of like wigging out.

She's actually been a lot quieter.

It's easy for her
to laugh at her problems.

And, I don't know,
maybe she's getting tired

of laughing at everything.

She's got so much stuff
in her history and in her present...

anxiety and frustration
and anger and, uh, resentment.

The only part
she lets out is the laughing at it.

But, you know, sometimes you can tell
a story and laugh about it,

but you know it hurt,
and you know it still hurts.

-[dramatic music playing]
-[birds chirping]

I can only tell you
so many times that you shouldn't leave

because it would ruin
the house. I mean, I feel that way.

But, like, every day I think about it.
It bothers me every single day.

Every day something happens to where...
[sighs] ...I have to analyze again who I am

and why I feel that way
and I get tired of it.

Melissa started out here
being this funny firecracker,

will-take-no-crap-from-anybody
kind of attitude and has slowly gone down

to almost being a walking open wound.

-Not...
-I'm just tired.

-[sighs]
-[Julie] Tired of what?

-Like, what are you tired of?
-This living situation.

Of just talking
about deep stuff all the time.

[Julie] Come to lunch with us.

[Melissa] Yeah, let me go
put some makeup on.

'Cause I can't be having
an ugly and nasty day.

I don't want you to think
that people at BYU beat up Black people

because that is so not true.
That is so not the case.

But a Black person
would not last very long at BYU, would he?

-[Julie] Why not?
-[indistinct chatter]

You tell me all the time
I wouldn't last long...

No, I say
you wouldn't last very long at BYU,

and it's not because of your skin tone.

-[rock music playing]
-Melissa has issues with her spirituality.

Everything in Melissa's world
is centered around Melissa.

The fact that you,
in my presence, will denounce God and mock

everything that I believe in,

-that's offensive.
-[Melissa] I have never

mocked everything you believe in.
I can be very disrespectful

when it comes to religion,
and I have never said,

"Julie, Mormonism is stupid."

-[Julie] Okay, you know, how...
-"Julie, being a Mormon makes you suck."

[music continues]

[Julie] I'm so lost.

I don't even understand
what this conflict is about.

It's about the fact
that you basically told me

I have been insensitive
and have offended you.

But I personally know
that I have made serious,

conscious efforts to not talk about God
so that I don't offend you.

[Julie] Melissa, I have been trying
to start this conversation forever.

Now that it's open,
and now that we both obviously

-are angry about something...
-I'm not angry.

I am tired of talking about this [bleep].

This is why
I [bleep] don't like being here.

I'm tired of talking about religion.
I'm tired of talking about racism.

I'm tired of talking about
everyone in the house

and how the [bleep]
they feel about things.

I don't give
a [bleep] about your Mormonism!

I don't. I don't give a [bleep]
about the fact that you pray.

I don't give a [bleep] about
the fact that Matt prays. I don't care!

But words are getting
put into my mouth that I denounced God.

-I never said that.
-I'm sorry.

-I'm not a disrespectful person like that.
-Okay.

I know that I can be [bleep],
and the fact that you said

that I do it when I know
I've made an effort not to pisses me off.

-That's all there is to it.
-[music fades]

[dramatic music playing]

[Julie] All right, and I'm sorry.
Don't just walk away.

We need closure on this

-'cause you need it.
-No.

I'm gonna let you guys talk
about this, okay?

I don't think I'm gonna do
any good here, so talk it out.

Can't deal with...
Here, sit down, sit down.

[Melissa] No, no, I want to leave.

Do you understand
how much I hate this life?

Could you understand
how I am grasping, pulling,

trying to find things
that make me happy here,

-and there is nothing?
-The fact that, like,

now I am adding
to your misery here is k*lling me,

because you're the most important person
to me in this house and I won't be able

to live with myself if I think that
I was a big part of the catalyst

that made you leave.

This was... the first time I had seen her
truly open up and just be kind of true

to her emotions.

[Melissa] I would have never thought
Julie could be someone who is in my life.

But now, she is in my life
and I want her in my life

and I hope to continue a friendship
with her for a long time to come.

No, like, seriously,
of that whole conversation or whatever?

Like, none of it made
any rationale to me

until we sat down on the steps.

Like, the rest of it was just anger,
and I cannot function in anger.

-I just can't.
-[Melissa] See? And that's my problem.

That's the only way I know how.
In happiness or in anger, no in between.

It really, really helps,
and to know that there is someone

in my living situation
that I can talk to all the time

-whether I'm happy, sad, angry, depressed.
-[music concludes]

[Julie] You know how symbolic this is?
We come here and put our makeup on

and, like, cover up
what is really important.

-And, like, you know what I'm saying?
-[chuckles]

[rock music playing]

-[laughs]
-[Matt laughing]

-I was raised on a goat farm.
-[Kelly] Shut up.

I can... If there was
a goat in here right now,

-I'd show you how to milk it.
-[laughs]

I'd show you
how to de-horn it. I would show you...

[Kelly] Goats have horns? [giggles]

Well, not if you de-horn them, they don't.

[Kelly laughing]

[Matt] If the girl
is interesting and stuff,

then I'm gonna be interested to date them.
But I'm going to get to know them

by being friends
before I ever even ask them out.

-Do you have any brothers or sisters?
-Only child.

-[ball thudding]
-You like being the only child?

It has its good and bad points.

It's kind of lonely.

You don't really learn
those basic fundamentals like sharing.

[giggles]

[Matt] See, I got a heaping helpful
of all those family lessons

-'cause I was raised with five other kids.
-[Kelly] Ooh.

-[ba*ls clanking]
-I love them.

They're like my best friends.

-[giggles]
-[Matt] Well, thanks for coming over.

-Thanks for the ride.
-No problem.

[car engine starts, revs]

She's real hot
and stuff, but I don't know.

You tell me to leave those floozies alone.

[Julie] I don't tell you
anything about anything.

'Cause if I wanted to,
I could have come to you the first day

I found out
about that Kelly girl and be like...

"Matt, no.
You do not want to get into that."

I just was surprised that
that was the kind of girl

that Matt was interested in,

but it answered
a lot of questions, so, good.

-[Matt] Well, I...
-That is your life.

[Matt] That's right. But at the same time,
since I'm your friend,

shouldn't you be looking out for me?

I look out for you,
but I don't think you're an idiot

-and you can figure things out.
-Yeah.

[instrumental music playing]

[Melissa] Like, I was having a good time
until I started having to deal with this...

I see you being happy
and then I hear you saying you're unhappy

-and I don't understand.
-[Melissa] Like, it's very easy.

I project happiness and I'm very happy
when I'm making other people happy,

but I, myself,
am not very happy about very many things.

I don't feel like you actually
really want to solve the problem.

For 23 years I haven't dealt with it,

and that's why
it's such a big traumatic problem now

-because it's been built up for that long.
-[Kelley] You were telling me

that you thought you were depressed.
Like, I don't think you realize,

I really was depressed.

Like, I actually went
and got help and took medication,

and I'm telling you that

so that you will see
that people can be okay.

[Julie] I don't have very high tolerance
for people who aren't... [hesitates]

...willing to or going to try
to change what the problem is.

I think you're so caught up
in yourself right now that you're missing

a lot of things that are going on.

It's because I'm realizing
my problem is bigger than myself.

I mean, huge.

I believed I was a genuinely happy person,
but here the littlest things bother me

and they mount up and then I freak out,

and it's not because,
you know, I'm having a bad day.

It's because I'm realizing,
"Oh, my God, my life is not in order."

But, anyway, I'm going to get this help,
and please don't tell Mom and Dad

that I'm going to pick up
this therapy or whatever.

[Melissa's sister] Why not?

I love him very much
and I know it would be very hurtful...

[sniffles] ...you know,
if I told him that,

"I love you,
but your alcoholism in my childhood

has really affected my adulthood."

[mid-tempo music playing]

[Melissa] Where's the Yellow Pages?

Let's call Tulane... offices of psychiatry.

I'm trying to understand

what it is that makes me feel like
I have to have happiness 24/7.

What it is that makes me think
that it's wrong to be sad.

I'm interested
in getting a psychiatric evaluation.

I would like to come in
as soon as possible.

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.
Thank you.

♪ Think about it ♪

♪ Think about it ♪

-I'm ready.
-[assistant] Okay.

[Melissa] My goals here
are to personally work

on loving me for who I am.

Self-discovery is a b*tch.
And it is hard, it is not fun.

But it is a necessary evil

and I will do it
so that I can be a happy person.

♪ Think about it. ♪

[music concludes]

[Julie] What's up with that butt thing?
Like, Melissa does it, too, all the time.

Like gets her butt up,
like right up against people.

It was like these girls
had these butts and they're just like...

they're just like predators
and I was like their prey

and these butts just come,
like, lurking from around.

I'm like, "I see a butt coming."
They just come and they start beating

the crap out of me, just like, "Stop..."

Like, back that thing up,
I thought I was like,

"I'm slowly being contented into nothing."

-[chuckles]
-That one girl was really bad.

It was like,
her butt was like... had, like...

what do you call it...
infrared or whatever,

like heat-seeking.
It's a heat-seeking butt, and it found me,

and then it's just following me
everywhere I went.

I just see this butt backing up
like, "No, here it comes again."

[Kelley chuckling]