09x20 - David Strips Down

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[Jamie] This is the true story...

[Matt] ...of seven strangers...

[Melissa] ...picked to live in a mansion...

[Kelley] ...work together...

[Danny] ...and have their lives taped.

[David] To find out what happens...

[Julie] ...when people stop being polite...

[Jamie] ...and start getting real.

-The Real World...
-[Julie] ...New Orleans!

[theme music concludes]

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[David] I like booty.
You know, I love bodies. I love women.

I just... I... I like that.

I have to produce the seventh
Real 7 on Seventy-seven at 7:00.

These girls could become a show on NOATV.

We decided, you know,
let's have a fashion show

at the NOATV studios.

In the middle,
we're going to have a lighted runway.

Comes around the wall. Here, here, here.

[Julie] So, we're going to have
all David's hoes come

and dress all skank and parade around.

She's walking.
She's walking, she traces the court...

And it's supposed to be entertaining?

Could we have guys model, too?

-Um... I don't want that.
-I would feel a lot more comfortable

if it wasn't just a bunch of women
just walkin' around

-and show themselves off.
-[David] I want sophisticated after seven.

They just got 20 girls,
they're already ready for it.

[Julie] Why can't we...
Why can't we have guys, too, Dave?

I don't want guys. I don't want guys.

[Julie] "This is how it's going to be,
woo-woo. I don't want to change it."

This is supposed to be the Real 7,
not the Real David, you know?

[Melissa] Why can't there be guy models?

Because it would take away
from David's focus which would be himself.

[Elton] Here's what I think.

I'm telling you right now,
with that many people,

there is a lot of error
and a lot of mistakes that can happen,

and it can look like complete chaos
to the camera.

There's got to be a flow to it,
and that only comes with making sure

that everybody knows
exactly what's happening.

All right?

All right, guys, have fun.
Come on, come on.

[Julie] Dave, do you understand
where I'm coming from with the guys...

-[David] Whatever, dude.
-[Julie] ...chicks modeling.

-I mean, do you...
-[David] I'm... I'm focusing right now.

[dramatic music playing]

[Julie] I've never had this problem
communicating with people.

David, you've got to stay open.

-Man, [bleep] that.
-No, no, no, listen to me.

It's like this. It's like this.

[David] Elton doesn't like
my style of producing at all.

And I constantly tell him,
"I can do this by myself."

Now, the more you start dipping,

the more this is gonna become
some other recipe, dude.

You see what I'm saying?

I'm hard-headed, so is he.

I hear what you're saying,
but let me just give you some advice.

There's no way you can be in 15 places
at the same time.

They are making a suggestion.

If you shut them out,
they will close down on you.

But see, the thing about me...

[Elton] Listen to me.
I listened to you, listen to me.

-All right. All right.
-Okay?

Let me tell you,
if the crew is not behind you,

you are dead in the water.

Dead in the water. And I...

Look at me when I'm talking to you.
Look at me.

I hear where you're coming from.
I feel where you're coming from.

In your mind's eye,
you see this, you can pull this off.

But I want you
to work with them as a whole.

The trick to a good director
is to get what you want

but to have everybody
buy into what you're doing.

[dramatic music concludes]

[upbeat music playing]

So, I'm at the Red Room with Melissa,
talking to my friend, Lionel

'cause he has some art on display.

And I see this girl
who's just smiling away.

Hi. My name's Matt.
"Hi. My name's Brandi."

Psh, whoo!

[chuckles] So, I was, like...

All right, don't get all excited here.

[indistinct chatter]

[Matt] This girl. [exclaims]

She's fun, interesting,
smart, well-traveled...

Cool chick, you know?

Where's Matt?

[smooth music playing]

-I wanna dance.
-I'll start flipping over tables.

-[laughs]
-[grunts]

Look at him.

♪ La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la ♪

[Matt] It was nice to meet you all.

-Brandi, it's nice to meet you.
-Yeah.

-Hope to see you again.
-Yeah, we will.

[Matt] You can go to my web page.

[Brandi] Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Matt] It's pretty groovy, you'll like it.

-You can dress me in Hawaiian shirts.
-Oh. Oh, you're... you're on...

-Yes.
-Oh.

-You'll just have to go and find out.
-Okay, all right. I'll do that.

[Matt] Whoo!

-Whoo!
-Matt.

-[grunts]
-Matt just put that mack down

'cause he wanted some chocolate
in that milk.

-[laughs] Whoo!
-Brandi is cool.

-She's gorgeous, too.
-She is cool.

[rock music playing]

There was this pool
of cute little brown girls.

Matt jumped his White butt
right in the middle.

-He met this girl named Brandi.
-[chuckles]

She is adorable,
and she had this nice little body

and guess what he did?
Dropped the three dubs.

[Matt] Dropped the three dubs.

-[Melissa chuckles]
-[Danny] I'm confused. What?

He gives his URL
so they sign his guest books.

-She's got to play by the rules.
-Instead of asking

for the phone number
like normal boys do.

-[chuckles]
-Dude, Danny...

-Danny.
-Sweet.

What if the girl
doesn't even have a computer?

-[Melissa] I know.
-[Matt] Crap.

[Julie] He is totally smitten by her.
He is very much in love.

Twitterpated.

[rock music concludes]

[upbeat music playing]

[Matt] Hey, guess what happened
this morning at 9:06?

-[Melissa] What?
-I checked my guest book.

-[Jamie laughs]
-What about it?

-[Matt] Someone signed my guest book.
-Oh.

[Matt] "Hi. I met you
at the Red Room last night."

It was a little bit harsh of a message.

"I met you last night at the Red Room."

"You seemed nice and pretty cool,

but URLs are for pedophiles
and a*s-[bleep]."

-It's kind of scary what she wrote.
-Oh, my gosh.

She actually signed it?

-By nine o'clock this morning.
-[Jamie] That's funny as hell.

[Matt] By nine o' clock this morning.

But I figured it was her way
of being playful,

and I was just amped
that she signed my guest book.

Dude, I mean, this girl's rad.

-[Jamie] I stand corrected.
-Wow.

[upbeat music playing]

-But he doesn't have it all yet?
-No.

He wanted to get me to get five girls,

and then someone else get five girls
and someone else get five girls.

[Melissa] It was so interesting
when Jackie from Cafe Ronee,

who's one of the models,
starts telling me and Kelley

the real details of the show.

-[chuckles]
-There's no designer.

They're supposed to bring
their own clothes

and they don't have 20 people yet.

She's supposed to get
five of her friends

then ask somebody else
to get five.

I mean, I can get...
I can get 15 girls that are...

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-The problem today...

-The problem today is...
-There are not 20 girls yet?

-I mean, I have, like...
-No, no, that...

There are no 20 models?
"No, there's only five right now."

[Jackie] I don't know
if there's a set amount.

I told him how many girls I had

then he's, like, he had this other girl

-getting some of her friends together.
-Wait, there is no designer?

-[Jackie] He said...
-[Kelley] He said bring your own clothes.

Oh, really?
Twenty random girls from New Orleans,

and we've seen the outfits in this town,

just put together their own clothes
and come out onto this floor.

That's going to clash, though.
Like, if you have a whole bunch of it?

-That's just a selective...
-[gasps] I think very deeply.

We thought it was all done
but, obviously, it's not. Okay.

[Melissa] David is really secretive,
you know.

It's all fun and games till the 29th
and that show goes on the air.

[rhythmic music playing]

[David] Everything changed...
Constantly changing.

It's going to be a fashion show
but obviously tamed down.

-Okay.
-[David] Which is a travesty.

Man, it would have been off the hook.
It would have been off the hook.

But it's manageable.

You might be able
still to pull something off pretty cool.

Yeah. Uh, what do you feel...
what is the policy on strippers?

Not... not stripping fully, obviously,
'cause they have cable access, but, um...

You know what I'm saying?

He... he knows me.

I'm scared that he's going
to just trash the whole thing.

-What do you want to do?
-This is the thing,

you know what I'm saying, it's...
I got a couple of girls that'd do it.

You know what I'm saying,
as far as just...

And that's just...
Getting some moves, you know.

Just taking some stuff off,
you know what I mean?

It's just, we can't show them,
if they're going to be taking off...

[David] Fine, don't take off nothing.
We're going to do a swimsuit thing.

Swimsuits are very summer.

You always look for the loophole.
Always look for the loophole.

-Swimsuits are fine.
-[David] Right.

Just make sure they stay on.

I have to let them know that.

-Yeah.
-That, you know...

-Remember to let them know.
-You really should let them.

Look at me.
You really should let them know that.

All right, I don't want you
to pull the plug on anything.

[Elton] 'Cause we will be
pulling the plug.

You'll pull the plug?

-I'd get fired, wouldn't I?
-[Elton] In a heartbeat. You got it.

-Man, you make it hard, man.
-[laughs]

[blues music playing]

[Matt] Sure are lots of hot women
down here.

Mm-hmm.
Especially the girl I met last night.

Speaking of which...

I have her phone number now.

-How'd you get it?
-Lionel.

-Lionel knows her number?
-I haven't called her yet.

I'm kind of nervous.

Big ol' net boy. Calm it down.

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[David] Kelley, Danny.

When I have the final product
to make it work, I need the roommates.

That's when you bring them in,
that's when the teamwork comes into play.

Thanks for being here so promptly,
that's cool. I love you.

Um, the thing is... [exhales]
...I can't do it without you guys.

I really can't.

[Matt] He does all the work,
then in the last minute, he asks for help.

He's not a very good producer.

The thing's gonna be a fashion show.
It's going to be bathing suits.

He decides to tone it down.

This is too much for us to pull off
on a public access TV show.

It's going to be guys and girls.

Um, I don't have as many guys
as I do girls

but there's still a good mix.
Um, what I'm trying to do is, I wanna...

I really wanna put
the cameras on lockdown

'cause I want everyone
to be able to comment

on the bathing suits, be nice.

You know what I'm saying?
I want you to be nice.

-I mean...
-The concept of this show is pretty weak.

You know, the stuff that they bring...
I don't know their bathing suits.

When you have strippers parading around
in their own bathing suits...

I don't know, dude. [chuckles]
This could be a disaster.

Thanks for working hard in advance.
It's going to be a trip.

It's going to be con...
It's going to be confusing, sorta, kinda,

'cause it's... Yeah, I feel it.
I know it's coming.

-Thanks in advance.
-I feel it, dude.

You just like the guys.

[jazz music playing]

[Matt] So I call her up
and, uh, I'm nervous, dude.

[chuckles] I actually put my hand
on the phone a couple times

before I actually picked it up and dialed.

[keypad dialing]

Hello?

Hey, this is Matt.
I met you at the Red Room.

I'm like, "Hey, what's going on?"

And she's like,
"How'd you get this number?"

And I was like,
"Oh, I got it from Lionel."

"I didn't think it was anything big."

"You had signed my guest book."
"I didn't sign your guest book."

She's like, "Um, I have a boyfriend."

"Oh." [chuckles]

"Ah, that's cool.
That's no problem, you know, uh... uh...

uh... If our paths cross again... uh..."

I don't even know
where the conversation went after that,

but it was pretty short
and tapered to a, uh, dial tone.

I was just kind of shocked, you know?
I didn't know what to say.

I meet a girl who's rad

and it seems like she's interested in me
and I'm interested in her

and then it kind of falls flat
on its face. It's hard.

[jazz music continues]

[Melissa] Matt and Brandi,
café con leche.

But that can't be,
so it's just leche, poor thing.

[jazz music playing]

[Melissa] He was beaming, all happy.
He was, like, "She signed it."

-It wasn't that girl Brandi.
-[Julie] How do you know?

[Melissa] 'Cause Matt told me.
He finally got the digits.

He called her and she was like,
"I didn't sign your web page."

-[Julie chuckles]
-[Melissa] I was like, "Damn!" [laughs]

Whoever did that is a mastermind, boy.

I was like,
"That's wrong, but it's funny."

[Julie chuckles]
You want to know a secret?

-You did it?
-[Julie laughs]

-[Melissa] Uh-huh.
-[Julie] Don't tell. It's totally secret.

You got to swear.
Here, pinky swear you won't tell.

As long as he knows I didn't do it.

[Julie] Don't tell it was me.
I'll tell him on my own time.

[clicks tongue] Oh, that poor thing.
His little heart was broken.

Julie ain't right. [laughs]

[Julie] Yep, it was me.

[jazz music concludes]

[upbeat music playing]

-[David] Okay.
-[Missy] Sue.

Who?

[Jamie] David networks
with these strippers.

That didn't come together
like he planned.

[Missy] I know it's the ones
that are here.

Then we have Tina, Honey, um...
Not Tina. Tina's not coming.

-Tina's not coming?
-[Missy] No, Tina's on spring break.

I am mad nervous
that this show is not going to pop off.

So you got three more that are not there.

[Missy] I don't know.
I can't find my list.

You think everybody
will be ready by 4:30, 4:00,

-something like that?
-[Missy] Be ready by 4:00?

Okay, hold on.

[David] I know that this is the risk
that you take

when you put the package
together yourself.

[Missy] The movie's coming on.

-All right.
-[Missy] Bye.

If it falls apart, it's all on me.
It is all on me.

So I'm flipping. I am flipping out.

I just hope all the girls show up.

[breathes deeply]

[upbeat music concludes]

[soft music playing]

I can't explain it.
By signing your guest book,

I'm hoping that maybe
this could be like a joke

and somehow bridge this gap that we have.

[Matt] You just kind of
screwed me over here.

You know, it would
have happened eventually,

but it kind of made me look like a dork
in front of a girl that I like.

I mean, I really didn't have any

intentions to destroy anything
with Brittany or Brandi,

and I didn't have any malice
and I really don't think

I'm trying to be a genuinely mean person.

It was playful. It was just a joke.

But you wouldn't have done that, like...
that is not something, like...

[Julie] I would've done that
to anyone in this house.

I promise you that.
I will get into your business that way.

Really, don't think that it's just you.

Dude, it's a joke. I'm sorry.

She says it was just a joke,
but you wonder.

[soft music concludes]

-[upbeat music playing]
-[indistinct chatter, laughter]

David's got it together.
Dave has got the show.

[indistinct chatter]

[upbeat music playing]

[Melissa] I will give David props
on the set.

The set looks great.
He did pull that together.

-[glass shattering]
-[man] Oh!

-[metal clattering]
-[indistinct chatter]

Oh, that's not good.

-Let's hope that's not an omen.
-[glass clanking]

[upbeat music playing]

This is where
they're going to turn around.

[Matt] If you're the person sitting
in front of the camera,

we have to deal
with what happens on air, live.

We are also the ones that will end up
looking like idiots

if it doesn't go right.

There's no mention of price
or anything like that

-or where to buy, right?
-[clears throat]

-Well...
-[Kelley] No, that...

-Which is good. You don't want that.
-[Kelley] Okay.

Ladies, ladies, ladies.
Give a lot of angles.

You know, give a half angle.
Turn here like that. Booyow.

-You know what I'm saying?
-[laughter]

Tiger, Diana, Kauai, and Amanda.
Y'all must be tripping.

-When we start counting down from ten...
-We rolling, we rolling, we rolling.

-[indistinct chatter]
-Ready in the studio. Clear the set.

Three, two, one.

Welcome to the Real 7 on Seventy-seven.

We got a great show for you today.
Summer is just around the corner

and I know a lot of you
ladies and gentlemen

are looking for some swimsuits.
Well, this is the show for you.

[Kelley] Out they come.

[rhythmic music playing]

[Kelley] Okay, we're starting off
with Tiger tonight.

I don't really know
what you're supposed to say.

Without information, it's just all

whatever you can come up with
out of your head.

Tonight we have
a bit of a different twist.

She's got this wrapped as a crisscross
across the neck.

Now, this has, for me,
uh, many different functions.

[Matt] Functionality is the key
when it comes to swimsuits.

You wanna be able to move,
but at the same time

you don't want it
to move right off you.

[Melissa] I can't believe
Julie is playing a role in this.

She just really wants to have
this candle shot.

[Matt] And black is always a great color.

-It's definitely always fashionable.
-[Kelley] Absolutely.

-Absolutely.
-When in doubt, just buy black.

You know, uh, going to the beach
is more than just a flesh fest, you know.

Your... your suit says a lot about you.

[Kelley] This is actually
one of my favorites.

-I think this is...
-[Matt] Really?

...fairly traditional.
Yeah. I like it a lot.

[Matt] Traditional until
she swings around and...

[Kelley] Now, that is traditional, Matt.
Come on.

[Matt] I hope my daughter
wouldn't go out in this one.

-Really?
-I don't have a daughter

but if I did have a daughter,
I hope she'd not go out in this.

-[Kelley] Oh, come on.
-[laughter]

-[Melissa] Good for you, Matt.
-[Kelley] Work it, girl.

-[Matt] Now we have...
-[Kelley] Who is this?

[Matt] This is... this is,
ladies and gentlemen, David.

He's the only male model.

Kind of like, "I'm David.
Here's my harem. These are my b*tches."

You know what,
I think you can comment on his suit.

-I'll decide not to.
-You don't have anything to say?

You wonder, is that the world
that he's seen on TV?

Is that the world
he's trying to make his?

I think it definitely compliments the pecs
and the, uh, bilaterals

-and the, um, uh, quad-dominals. Yeah.
-Yeah, absolutely.

[Kelley] This one's nice.

Now this is the first zipper
that we've seen.

This is something
that was sort of trendy in the '70s.

And it's really coming back now.

Actually, the entire suit
has a very '70s feel to it.

[Matt] Yeah, the toss of the hair,
get the boys going there.

[Kelley] Now, I want you to watch
while she walks away.

But she's got lights in her shoes.

-Now, that is definitely, definitely fun...
-Looks raw.

...for the evening look.

But, um...

[all laugh]

[Matt] So, never wear
high heels on the beach.

They've been known
to sink in the sand

and you've seen what can happen.

-She fell in her porn star shoes!
-[laughter]

Special thanks to all of our models today.

-So we'll see you next week.
-[crew member] All right.

[applause]

-Yeah.
-[all cheer]

-Good job.
-Thank you.

-[Julie] Good job. [chuckles]
-[indistinct chatter]

Congratulations to David.

He took something
that was really a big project.

He compromised and made it happen, so...

Kudos, man. You did a good job.

And to Matt and... and Kelley.

-[David] Kelley. Yeah.
-[Elton] No doubt.

You two are now
the king and queens of ad lib.

-I mean, this is like...
-[applause]

-[Elton] You guys did a good job.
-[David] Good job.

Because I have the mentality
that I can do anything

and that I'm gonna do anything

and I'm, like, phenomenal at it.
You know what I'm saying?

It's like, damn,
that gets on people's nerves.

That pisses them off.

[David] No matter how extraordinarily
brilliant a job that I do is,

I don't get credit for it.

Everybody just want to hate on me.

When I'm producing, or whatever like that,

it's more like, damn,
that mofo's over here doing everything.

Who does he think he is?
You know what I'm saying?

But what happens,
that ends up tight all the time.

All the time.

[Julie] Dave, in your eyes,
it's phenomenal, because you did it.

But we don't care if you do it great
or you do it awful or whatever,

it's the arrogance that comes with that.

That's what pisses us off.

Nah. You gotta be confident.
You gotta be confident

'cause ain't nobody
going to be confident for you.

[Julie] You can be confident
and not be a jackass.

We know, Dave, that you've got skills.

We know you got talent,
but we feel almost neglected, like,

we want to get to know David.

We want you to know us,
we want to know you.

When I feel that I have to
devote extraordinary amounts of energy

to even talk to you for five minutes.

[David] See,
the thing is that I'm always on the go.

There's always a go.

You need to run with me
or whatever like that.

That means you're staying stagnant.

If you're stagnant and expect me to stop,
that's not going to happen.

[Julie] I don't expect you to stop,

I expect you to give me five minutes
of your time once in a while.

[David] You expect me
to stop for five minutes?

Dude, yeah, maybe stop for me
for five minutes.

-Is that too much to ask?
-Yes.

Well, then that is why
our relationship will stay where it is.

You know, when I talk to people,
everybody slams doors or slams chairs.

[Matt] Disco fever.
Let's talk about sequins.

We are bedazzled
and we are thonged once again.

We could spotlight her

and we would have a disco
right here, right now.

You don't have to worry
about a tan line

-on the buttocks 'cause it's all there.
-[Kelley] You're all set.

[Matt] And good heavens,
what have we here?

-I... I...
-[Kelley] Wait, who let this guy on stage?

-[Matt] Is this in my contract?
-[Kelley] Excuse me, sir?

Do you have a bathing suit
underneath that?

Uh, does he think this is a bathroom?

You know what happened.

-[Matt] Ooh, sexy.
-Oh, my goodness gracious.

-Sexual...
-[Kelley] We can't do this right now

because Matt's just verklempt.
He can't talk to me.

-Look at him.
-[Matt] C... could we clear the set?

[Kelley] I'm sorry,
I think we're gonna need to cut.