16x14 - Ranchin' It

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

-[Wes] This is the true story.
-[Lacey] Yee-haw!

[Lacey] ...of seven strangers.

[Rachel] ...picked to live
in a house...

[Nehemiah] ...work together,
and have their lives taped...

[Johanna] ...to find out what happens...

-[Danny] ...when people stop being polite...
-Shut up.

-[Melinda] ...and start getting real.
-[all laughing]

-[all] The Real World: Austin.
-[theme music concludes]

-[chill music playing]
-[ducks quacking]

You almost got
in so many fights last night.

[Johanna] With who, girls or guys?
Probably guys. I fight guys the most.

-Guys?
-[Johanna chuckles]

No, when we were walking,
I was like, doing the, like...

-bodyguard bear hug.
-[Johanna chuckles]

-The whole...
-Was I trying to go after them?

Mm-hmm.

You were trying to get
in their face and fight them.

[Johanna] We were walking home.

How much... how many fights can I get in
from 60 to 3rd Street?

You're so lame.

-Come on.
-[Johanna] You're not even old.

-[chuckles]
-[chuckles]

-Come on, come on.
-This is like...

-Ow!
-Come on, come on, come on.

-Please let me stay. Please.
-Let's just go home.

-[Johanna] Stop getting... [slurs]
-Let's just go home!

...you [bleep] legless wh*re!

-Ew! You're so [bleep]!
-[chuckles]

-Johanna!
-You think you can talk [bleep] to us!

-You can't... You're such a [bleep].
-Johanna! Johanna!

Shut the [bleep]!

-[chuckles]
-You're such a loser.

Come on, come on.

You [bleep] look like a piece of [bleep]!

That's me on vodka.

-I know, vodka makes me super angry.
-[chuckles]

[Johanna] The funny thing is,
I don't remember the walk home.

Maybe that's why.

[Rachel] Johanna makes a horrible drunk.

She has that no in between buzz
that people usually get.

Hmm.

I will only drink wine tonight.
That'll be my goal for tonight. [chuckles]

Yeah, I think you do better
with wine. [chuckles]

-[Johanna laughs]
-[chuckles]

[upbeat techno music playing]

I'm trying to cut the ball
in between the two solids.

[chuckles]

Just like I'm cutting
the tension between you and Mel.

Oh, shut up. sh**t the [bleep] ball.

And there it is.

Having two roommates in the house
having a romantic interest,

and being together
changes a lot in the house.

All because when people are dating,
like Melinda and Danny are right now,

rules and things change.

You can learn a lot about life from pool.

[chuckles] No, the sucky thing, though,

it's like, I know for a fact
that I'm gonna be jealous

when she goes out.

And I know for a fact I wanna be with her.

[inhales deeply] And I know for a fact
that I probably can't find

a better girl out there,
but I need to do my own thing.

I, right now,
cannot see Mel as a girlfriend.

I'm totally infatuated with her,
but the word, "girlfriend," "boyfriend,"

"couple," it's scaring
the hell out of me right now because...

[inhales] ...I don't think
I'm ready for that.

Tripping the [bleep] up, dude.

[moody R&B music playing]

[Melinda] Danny wrote me a letter.

And the letter says, "Please understand
that I still love you with all my heart."

"I miss you every second,
but it's something I have to do."

"But just know that I'm dying
inside without you."

"I love you, Melinda. Danny."

The letter means to me
that he does really care about me,

and he does really love me.

And that more so than anything,
the situation really isn't about me.

It's... it's more so that he just needs
to... to feel like his own person.

[upbeat music playing]

[whistles]

-Okay.
-Yes.

We just left.

Mel's inside. A little rocky,
a little rocky, not gonna lie.

-Very rocky.
-Very rocky.

How do you feel? Potential right now?
Potential for a great night?

Yeah.

This is a momentous occasion for us.
Small step for you.

-[Danny] Big step.
-A giant leap for...

-All the guys who are [bleep] out there.
-[Wes chuckles]

[Melinda] I have to pull away from Danny,
because if I just constantly give

and give and give,
and Danny's gonna come at me again with,

"I don't know how I feel."
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

It brings me back to the place
that I don't ever wanna be at,

and that's crying and that's feeling hurt
and I think I just deserve

a lot more than that.

[indistinct chatter]

[Danny] I'm basically just trying to be up
and... and... and party,

and just... just be myself.

-[exciting techno music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]

We drink every night.

And it's like, I wanna stop,
but then when I get to the bar,

it's kind of hard.

I don't really think that
drinking's a problem,

it's just how much I drink.

♪ Lost in the moment... ♪

-[Danny] Are you gonna be in town?
-[Ibis] Till Thursday or Wednesday.

We walked in and we saw this girl.
So, I go and I get the girl's number.

-Will you really call me?
-[Danny] Yeah.

You promise?

-[bleep]!
-[upbeat rock music playing]

[Danny] Mel just walked in the door.

Ninety-five percent of the time,
I love being around her.

But there's that other just little doubt
that I just want to take care of.

-["Can't Talk to You" starts playing]
-♪ I can't talk to you ♪

♪ I can't see her too ♪

♪ But, honey, give me time ♪

♪ Time to change your mind ♪

If he wants to go out
and date other girls,

or kiss other girls,
then I'm not gonna wait around for Danny.

I need a shot.

♪ Those stars, those stars ♪

All I'm saying is that
there's some shady [bleep] going on,

and I'm not gonna get in the middle of it.

Okay, that's fair enough.
Just tell us that.

I didn't wanna bother you.

Well, I don't wanna bother you
and she keeps looking like

-she wants to talk to you.
-Who?

Jo just kept walking down the street
and I was screaming at her,

and she kept walking.

And she's trying to take money
out of a homeless guy's basket

and he was yelling at her,
and she kept walking.

-I think she's going home.
-Let's go find Jo.

[rock music playing]

[police siren wailing]

We come outside,
we're looking for Johanna,

and there's three or four cops around her.

[indistinct chatter]

[officer] Turn and put your hands
behind your back.

Are you serious? For taking a rose?

[Rachel] She tried to take
the homeless guy's rose

and he said to put her in jail.

Joey, what the hell happened?

[Johanna] Nothing,
I took a rose and I ran with it.

[officer] You're under arrest
for public intoxication.

I'm a little scared for her.
Jail is not a fun place to be.

Don't... don't worry,
you're fine. All right?

So, she gets arrested
for public intoxication?

It's public intoxication.

Everybody on this street
is [bleep] intoxicated.

[upbeat techno music playing]

-[Rachel] Lacey.
-[Lacey] What?

-[Rachel] Jo got arrested.
-[Lacey] Shut up.

[dial tone ringing]

[dispatcher over phone] Travis County
Jail, how can I help you?

Hi, um, my roommate was arrested
for public intoxication.

-[dispatcher] Okay.
-And I was wondering

if... if I can pay a bail
or what... what I should do.

[dispatcher]
In order for her to be bonded out

or anything like that,
she would have to see a magistrate first.

So, I would say if you gave us a call
probably around 11 or 12 o'clock tomorrow,

-we might have something for you.
-Okay, all right, have a good evening.

-[dispatcher] You too, ma'am. Buh-bye.
-Thank you. Bye.

-[indistinct chatter over TV]
-She's gonna be there until noon tomorrow.

Oh, my God.

There's nothing we can do
for Johanna tonight.

[tense techno music playing]

[Danny] You gonna pick up Joey?

-[Wes] Yeah. So am I.
-Wes!

[indistinct chatter]

-[Wes] Right now?
-Yes!

-[Wes] We can pick her up right now?
-Let's go!

Joey's in the slammer,
we're gonna go get her out.

We might even try
to get arrested to... to go visit her.

[Danny] Wes, get her number
and meet her tomorrow!

-[Tracy] 6-2-6-5.
-[Danny] Wes! Get in the cab!

[Wes] Hey, did you get
the rest of the number?

-[Danny] 6-2-6-5.
-Do you have a pen?

[Danny] I'm writing...
I'm writing your name.

-[Wes] What's her name?
-Tracy.

[Wes] It's... it's either Tracy
or Trixie, but...

[Danny] Nobody names their kid Trixie.

Dude, I got three numbers tonight.

-I didn't try. I just sat there.
-It's fate, dude. It's fate.

That basically told you
that you just made the right decision.

-[engine rumbling]
-[Danny] We there?

Where's Joey?

[Wes] Dude, I took three shots
before I left for this place.

I'm [bleep] up, dude.

[Danny] I... I guarantee
they don't even let us in.

[Wes] No, it's all good.

[Danny] One of our friends
was actually picked up tonight,

and we want to know,
like, if we could pick her up.

Thank you very much, officer.

-[pensive music playing]
-[crickets chirping]

Do you think perhaps I could call Leo?

Johanna has a crush on a boy named Leo.

Leo, um, this is Lacey.

Um, Johanna got in trouble.
She's arrested.

[Leo over phone]
What happened? Do you know?

[Lacey] Although, we originally
met Leo through Johanna,

I think Leo's definitely
become like family to us.

[Leo] I tell you what,
I'll go early tomorrow morning,

-and show up there at...
-Well, I was gonna go.

It's okay, you don't have to.

[Leo] No, I mean, I'm...

Because, I think, honestly,
she's gonna be mad I called you,

'cause she's gonna be really embarrassed.

[Leo] Please, please, please.
Get some change.

Call me if you need anything.

[Lacey] Leo will pretty much
take anything Johanna

throws at him
and take it with a grain of salt,

and still think Johanna's great.

-[Leo] All right, Lacey.
-Thank you so much.

-[Leo] You're very welcome.
-Okay.

-[Leo] Talk to you tomorrow.
-[Lacey] Okay, sounds good.

[techno music playing]

-Joey's in the slammer!
-Hey!

-[pants] We went...
-We saw it.

We went to pick her up
and they wouldn't let us.

Danny and I show up
as knights in shining armor.

[Wes] Hey, we tried.

-And they said we couldn't... It...
-[Wes] But Joey's not allowed out

for another couple of hours.

But we can't get to Johanna.
She's in jail. So, we have to leave.

-Who's that? Who's that?
-Tracy.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah! [laughs]

[Wes] Oh, yeah.

[Melinda] Right away I saw the numbers
on the back of Danny's hand.

It really just gets under my skin
that Danny would come home,

and have phone numbers on his hand.

You thought her name was Trixie.
It might be.

Just call her and say, "This is Wes."

-[Danny] And find out her name.
-[Wes] Hey, T, what's up?

[Danny] Yeah.

[thunder rumbling]

[somber music playing]

[Melinda sobs] I promised myself
that I wouldn't feel this way

about another guy.

[Rachel] Hey, I understand why
you're hurt. I would be hurt too.

[Lacey] He's just really, really, really,
really selfish at this point in his life.

-I know he cares about you...
-[Melinda sniffles]

[Lacey] ...but he cares about himself
a whole lot more right now.

Melinda is definitely
at her breaking point with Danny,

and the chance that he might be
interested in another girl.

And I promised myself that the next guy
that I would like or that liked me back

would not make me cry like this,
and he's doing it.

I don't want to have
a constant battle with somebody

to make them love me,
to make them want to be with me.

That doesn't make me happy,
and in the long run, it doesn't work out.

And I'm, kind of, in the mindset right now
where I am gonna take care

of myself first.

No, seriously, if you go
in my closet right now,

and you read the letter
that he [bleep] wrote me,

that's [bleep], and then to do this?
I don't care how [bleep] drunk you are.

That's [bleep].

-Hey, Mel.
-[Melinda] Yeah?

For one, I didn't come home with a girl,
didn't dance with a girl,

didn't kiss with... kiss with a girl.

For one, talk to a girl,
same thing you did.

Don't ever tell me
that the letter I wrote was [bleep].

-Don't ever say that again.
-[Melinda] Well, it sure feels like it.

Why is that?

[Melinda] Because I'm not coming home
with guys' phone numbers

-all on my hand and on my arm!
-That is... Do you see the number?

Do you see the name? "Wes! 8-6-2, Tracy."
That's for Wes. Not me.

-[bleep]!
-[Melinda] And Wes doesn't have

his own arms or hands
to write [bleep] on?

He does, but he asked me
to write his name on it

just like the other night
when he asked me

to hold Lindsay's arm.
Don't ever say that to me again.

Don't ever say that my letter was [bleep].

You don't know anything.

-[Melanie] It feels like it.
-[Danny] Oh, it feels like it.

So then turn your hand around.
Is that Wes's phone number too?

Actually, no. It's Nehemiah's.

Okay. And Nehemiah
didn't have a hand or an arm

or anything to write on too?

-Turns out he didn't.
-Mm, 'kay.

[scoffs] That... Oh, my God!

-Are you... are you serious?
-[Melinda] Yeah, I am.

All right, cool.

Big waste of [bleep] time
in the last [bleep] month.

-[Melinda] I guess.
-[Danny scoffs]

[thunder rumbling]

[upbeat techno music playing]

Wes! Get over here, right now!

Hey, if you want your number,
get it off now,

'cause I'm getting [bleep]
from Mel for it.

-Did you write down Ibis' number?
-No, I'm not talking about... Don't...

Do not bring that up.

The one number I did get,
you know, maybe I shouldn't have.

But I didn't feel it was wrong
because I told Mel,

you know, four hours before,
that, you know, I just need to branch off.

I needed a little bit of a break.

[bleep], my [bleep].

You know what, she wants to be like that,
I'll do my own thing.

She wants to throw away
something we both have...

Sorry I took a day off. I'm sorry!
Sorry I wasn't [bleep] worth it.

I told that girl I love her. What? Why?

-Obviously, I was wrong, right?
-[Rachel] No.

Obviously, I felt it
and you [bleep] didn't.

'Cause I wrote Wes's number on my hand.
I didn't do anything wrong.

It's not even my number.

[Lacey] Danny, you scare her
because she is, like,

totally in love with you, and she reacts...

-she reacts too quick.
-[Rachel] Yeah.

-[Lacey] She does.
-[Rachel] Yeah.

All this is a misunderstanding
and it's her panicking because of the fact

that she loves you so much.
When you were gone, she cried every day.

She was so afraid
you weren't gonna come back.

Like, I know it sucks,
but if she's worth it to you...

just try.

-[traffic rumbling]
-[police siren wailing]

[intense music playing]

-[telephone ringing]
-[Lacey] Hello?

[female automated voice]
Hello. This is a call from an inmate

with the Travis County Jail.

-[Johanna over phone] Hello?
-[Lacey] Hi.

[Johanna]
Lacey, dude, I just want to go home.

This is such a crap.

Be glad you were in jail
because you missed so much crap,

-it's not even funny.
-[Johanna] Why, what happened?

Danny came home with, like,
girls' numbers written on his hand...

-[Johanna] Oh.
-...and him and Melinda got

in this huge fight...

[Johanna]
No one cared that I was in jail?

-That's so, like... [chuckles]
-I know... Well...

Don't be pissed at me, but I called Leo.

He's like, "I'm going
to pick her up tomorrow."

And I was like, "No, she'll be embarrassed
and she'll be mad."

And he goes, "But I really want to."

[Johanna] And all I keep thinking was him.
I'm like, "Oh, I want to cry right now."

Do you want him to come with me?
'Cause he really wants to go.

But I told him no,
'cause you'd be embarrassed.

[Johanna] No, I do want him to.

Call Leo and tell him
he's more than welcome to come,

that the only thing I wanted
to do tonight was talk to him.

-Okay.
[Johanna] I love you, Lacey. Muah!

-I love you too. Bye.
-[Johanna] Okay. Bye.

[intense music playing]

[Danny] Last night did not make
any sense to me.

All's it did was make me
feel like [bleep].

[Melinda] It made me feel pretty bad too.

-[Danny] I hate drama, Mel.
-[Melinda] I hate it too.

Then why we... Why is it
like high school here all over again?

Because every single week,
you come at me with the same exact thing.

Danny's made a lot
of things very uncertain,

and his uncertainty and his need to go out
and do all these other things,

it... it definitely makes me
question my trust for him.

You're the one who has these feelings
that you need to deal with,

and these actions that you need to take.
I'm not. I'm just kind of stuck here.

-[Danny] You're not stuck anywhere, Mel.
-I am, because... because I care about you,

because I love you.

Did I tell you I... I left?
Did I say, "Mel, it's over"?

Did I say, "Mel, I need a break from you,

I need to go out
and I need to be with other girls"?

Did I say that to you?

No, but the thing is,
is that if you would have just said that,

it would have made things just easier
and made sense to me.

-This is what's hard.
-[Danny] That's what you want me to say?

[Melinda] No! I... I know there's a way
that I can protect myself from that.

You don't have to protect yourself
from me, Mel. Get over it.

-You don't.
-[sighs]

-To me. Okay...
-Get it... No, no, listen.

Get it through your head.
I'm not gonna...

I... I'm... I did not come here
to hurt you, Mel.

It is k*lling me inside to know
that I am hurting you,

even though I'm not...
See? I'm trying not to hurt you,

and I'm...
It seems like I'm hurting you more.

I don't want her to be hurt in any way
and I don't want to be the guy

that makes her cry. I do like Mel,
and I, you know, I do care

about her very, very much.

-[Melinda] I'm sorry.
-["Playing the Game" starts playing]

♪ All I wanna do is be true to my ways ♪

♪ Leaning back and forward
When we're playing the game ♪

♪ All this pain I've caused you
I know it by name ♪

♪ I'm taking this ticket
And walking away... ♪

[intense music playing]

[Johanna] I talked to the prosecutor,
and he gave me two options.

One is to get convicted and pay a fine,
and keep it on my record.

The other one is to do community service,
pay a little fine, and get it dismissed.

At this point, I have decided,
obviously, to get it dismissed.

Go ahead, I need someone to yell at me.

-What were you thinking?
-[Johanna chuckles]

No, I'm just kidding. Come here.

I feel that Leo does care about me,
because he obviously has taken the time

to come and get me from the courthouse.

-[birds chirping]
-[door opening]

-[gentle music playing]
-Good morning.

-Hey, yeah, I was in jail tonight...
-Thank you so much.

[Johanna] ...but give him a hug first.

-[chuckles]
-Shut up.

[Leo] So, you had fun last night?

-[chuckles]
-[Johanna sighs] God.

Leo, explain to me, why me?
I was just taking a flower.

In a jokingly manner.
But I do see what I did wrong.

I mean, obviously,
hello, don't steal a flower

from a freaking homeless
vendor person, you know?

All right, I understand that.

I'm not gonna name any names,
but I know a lot of my roommates

that are drunk in public fighting people,
and they don't get arrested.

Johanna, when you get drunk,
you're a completely different story. Yes.

You're just like a b*mb
waiting to explode.

So what? What do I do from now on?

-Not drink? That's not gonna happen.
-[Leo clicking tongue]

I was only gonna drink wine
and not have any shots.

And I had two shots and then look
where it got me. In frickin' jail.

[Leo] You're acting like
it's the end of the world, it's not.

I don't wanna go back to jail, ever.

It's not the end of the world.
I'm just disappointed in myself.

[sighs]

-[upbeat music playing]
-[Wes] She's back.

-And there's a guy with her. [laughs]
-[Johanna] It's Leo, stupid.

[laughs]

[Wes] Only Joey can pick up a guy in jail.

It must have been
one hell of a rose, right?

Oh, God. Ugh!

You... We have endless amounts
of [bleep] to give you.

-[Wes chuckles]
-There's our little jailbird.

[Wes] I thought me and Danny
were gonna get arrested

-for fighting.
-[smooches]

I know, I got such rotten luck.

So, you got charged
with public intoxication...

-She like...
-...and, like, grand theft carnation?

-Grand theft carnation!
-[laughs]

[all laughing]

-[Wes] For a 75-cent rose.
-God, what a freaking [bleep].

"What an [bleep]."
I would've grabbed it and ran. [laughs]

-[laughs]
-"What an [bleep]."

-You stole from a bum!
-[laughs]

-That is horrible!
-You stole a bum's flower...

It's not even like you stole a...
You stole a flower from a homeless guy.

-[Leo] My little jailbird.
-[whimpers]

[Wes] It's so...
It's such an amazing story.

[indistinct chatter]

-[Wes] Are we gonna?
-[gasps] It's him! [laughs]

-[laughs]
-[laughs] That's the guy?

-[laughing]
-[Johanna laughing]

-[Wes] That's the rose you stole.
-That was it.

-That's where I got arrested.
-[laughs]

-[chuckles]
-[Johanna] Shut up!

[Wes] I'm sorry.

You would laugh at me
if I did the same thing.

-[Johanna chuckles]
-[Wes] It was.

It was a wizard selling roses, and you...

-[laughs]
-[Johanna laughing]

[Wes] That's impressive.