08x03 - Bad Guys

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "The Real

Previously on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- We'll get on the boat in
Croatia,

and we'll be on the boat
for eight days.

- Nice trip.

I was like, you know what?
I miss riding horses.

It's what I grew up doing,

and so then I did that
for, like, 15 years.

She mentioned that
you were into horses.

- I knew you
would connect.

- I've just
gotten off mine...

- What?
- like two hours ago.

- How was it growing up
with your dad?

- Well, I don't know him.

- All right, well...

Erika comes off to me
like a cool girl,

you know, like
I'm too cool for anything.

- 14!
- What?

- I won!

- Oh, my God!

both: Aah!

- I'm glad to see that you two
are getting on so well.

- I know!

- Yeah, we're having
a good time.

- I hope you can
forgive me.

I feel like a weight
has been lifted.

Dorit and I are gonna
put this behind us

and move forward.

- I love when everyone's
getting along.

- Don't worry,
it won't last long.

- I know!
- Stop.

[upbeat music]

- In this town,
fame and money come and go,

but friends should not.

♪ ♪

- Some people call me cold.

But that's not ice...
it's diamonds.

♪ ♪

- I believe in
excess of everything,

except moderation.

♪ ♪

- Having the best
isn't important to me,

but being my best is.

♪ ♪

- I don't have to buy it,
'cause I already own it.

♪ ♪

- The queen of diamonds

always has an ace
up her sleeve.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Do you get prison letters?
- No.

Do you get
prison letters?

- Yeah.
Erika Jayne fans in jail.

- I would like another Giggy.
I want him cloned.

- Giggy cloned?

He's eight years old,
for God's sake.

He's got more life
in him than you have.

- Well, please, God,
he has.

- I think you're
losing your mind.

- What?
- I found a lot of poop.

- Where?
- Rat's poop.

Right here.

- Poo in there?

- Yeah, a lot of poo.

- What?

- Come here, Cruz.
Give me a hug.

- Is that...Oh!
- Cruz?

- You're snubbing
daddy?

- Come here,
give me a hug.

- Right?

- Oh, no, I was kind of hoping
you weren't coming in

when I was arranging
my sunglasses.

♪ ♪

You know how you tease me for
having all these sunglasses?

- It looks good, babe.
- It's getting there.

- Honey, you haven't told me
about Vegas yet.

I want to hear.

- I definitely had moments
this weekend

where I connected with Erika.
- Yeah.

- I am surprised that
Erika and I

were able to
get on so well.

Can we get drinks?

- Sure.

- Sorry, but...
thank you.

- This is really interesting.
So you're cool with Erika?

- Cool with Erika.
- And how are you with Rinna?

Because it's your birthday
on Friday.

I was gonna do
a little dinner,

and then I need to decide
who's coming.

- Rinna was nice.

She immediately was just like...
- That's honest.

- I'm really sorry
and I know what I did

and it was wrong and I don't
know why I do what I do.

- I'm a good person.

Give me a chance to see me
for who I really am.

- I definitely have
a little precaution,

if you will.

- But she's starting
with I'm sorry...

- Yes.
- I can't explain my behavior,

can we move forward?
- Let me earn my...yeah.

- On that basis,

I don't think you should
ask Erika and not Rinna.

- I'm happy to
include her.

- Okay. I can't even believe
that you're actually

telling me to invite Rinna
to your birthday.

- I know! I know!

♪ ♪

[pounding]

- Honey, do you want
any tea?

- Honey,
I can't hear you.

I can't hear you
with all the hammering.

- Okay, I'll be there
in a minute.

[upbeat music]

Hi, honey.
- What's up, Bub?

- What are you eating?

- I'm being healthy.

I'm eating oatmeal,
fruit, and water.

- That...that's very good,
honey.

Croatia cannot come
any sooner.

I mean, this is definitely the
best time to be leaving town.

I cannot hear
the hammer anymore.

My kids are gonna start
moving out one by one

with all
this hammering.

- I know.

- My husband wanted to buy
a new house.

So I looked
and I looked.

I tried to be open-minded,
but I just love my house

more than any of
the homes I've seen.

[sawing and hammering]

It's okay,
the floor is today.

- They've been
paid 50%.

- But yesterday was
a new bill thing.

I forgot to tell you.

So we decided if we really want
a little bit of a change,

then why don't we
just stay here

and renovate the home that
we already love so much?

[saw buzzes]

This construction is
ruining my life.

[laughs]
- It looks so bad.

- I wanted something that felt
a little more modern,

so we decided to change out
all of our hardwood floors.

I'm going to add
a fireplace in my bathroom.

We're gonna change
the shape of the pool,

because I don't know
what that shape is

but it's really ugly.

Can you put your foot
on there one second?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I mean
any smaller than that,

that's gonna look too busy.

I'm good with that,


Right now, we're living in
renovation hell.

I don't care what happens
to my house while I'm gone

as long as there are
floors when I get home.

- How about the...
the showers down here?

- We tell him little
bits at a time.

- Okay, I get it.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hi.

- Hi.
How are you?

- Good. Thanks.
- You look so pretty.

- Thanks. So do you.
Thanks for having me.

- Well, thanks
for coming.

♪ ♪

- Are you guys ready yet
or you still need more time?

- What's great? Like, what are
some of these that are good?

- What about
the special?

- Yeah, it's...
- Why don't we do that

and the albacore?
- Perfect.

And do you mind
if we get some edamame?

- Sure.
- With no salt, please.

- No salt, okay.
- Thank you.

- I got to tell you.

I give you so many props
for coming on that trip.

- You normally don't meet
so many people at one time.

- You know what?
You're right.

- So you have, like, that
moment to have a connection

with each person.
- Right.

You know,
I really like Teddi,

but sometimes I just open up
too quickly.

They're this close
to Kim dying.

- Wow.

- Did you
or did you not

say that my sister is
close to death?

- So I'm trying to get
to know people slowly.

I'm learning that
from Erika Jayne

to just like, you know,
just take your time.

Your kids are in preschool.
- Preschool, yeah.

- In the same preschool?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, that's good.

- Yeah.
Like, $35,000 a year.

It's crazy.
- I know. It's crazy.

- Tuition in L.A.
is more expensive

than college.
- It is.

It's really funny,
I never put my kids

in, like, "fancy school."

They always went to, like,
the granola schools.

Like, they didn't learn to read
until they were, like, ten.

[laughs]

- Lisa Vanderpump
and Dorit

both warned me
about Lisa Rinna.

- I had a horrible time
with Rinna.

- There are some people
in the group that

will seize on
the opportunity

to make something small
something very, very big.

- To be perfectly honest,
she's fun.

I like her.

I'm gonna make
my own assessment.

- Ooh, that looks good.

- I know,
that does look good.

Well, even
walking into schools

when, like, everybody's
like super done up, I'm like...

- I'm sorry, that whole thing.
- Sorry.

I was definitely, like,
the one looking down.

I'm like, "Oh, I only have one
Cartier LOVE bracelet.

I'm out of
this [BLEEP]"...

- Really?
It's gotten to be that?

- Oh, yes.
- Oh, come on.

- In Beverly Hills
when I meet new people,

I've noticed
there's a lot of, like,

keeping up with
the Joneses,

but I grew up
in South Carolina,

and truthfully,
I don't care.

I don't even know
who the Joneses are.

For me, I mean,
I rode horses for a living.

I wore my hair in
a hairnet every day.

There was no, like...
- That's so amazing.

- glamming.

I was in second grade

when my parents split up.

Most of my time was spent
riding, and I loved it.

It was an escape from anything
I had to worry about.

For me, horses, 100%

kept me on, like, the straight...
the straight path.

- I believe it, 'cause I think
it's really good for girls.

And, you know, Delilah rode
for a lot of years,

and then she got thrown.

- Oh.
- When she got thrown, it...

- It...it scared her?
- Scared her.

- Kids that grow up
in broken homes

can get a little lost.

Horses gave me empathy

and something to focus on.

I invited Lisa to
come to a horse show

that I'm doing in
San Diego on Saturday,

and I'll probably
invite Dorit.

- That would be fun.
- Come. We can...

- Will you show?
- I show. I'm competing.

- Oh, you're showing.
- Mm-hmm.

- Do you jump?
- I jump.

- [gasps]
- Yeah.

My only advice is
wear closed-toe shoes.

- Let's do it.
Sounds fun.

- Cool.
- That's great.

I can't wait to
see you jump.

[laughter]

- Coming up...

- Do you remember
the girls?

Can you say hi?

together: Hi!

- Bad guy!

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, it's sweet. It's nice
for a little casual dinner.

♪ ♪

Why didn't you put the roses on
the table? It looks so sweet.

- A couple more on the...
- And we need

a nice red wine.

PK will probably want
to drink red.

It's quite last minute,
but PK reached out

and said he wanted to have
a dinner for Dorit.

- Do you want to do flowers?
- Yes.

- Some white flowers there then.
- White?

- Yeah, and then
I'll just do a set menu.

- And let's have some
martinis available

for c*ck.
- All right, perfect.

And I love Dorit,

so I'm happy to
host it for her.

Giggy, you can sit here.

Be a good boy.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Happy birthday... ♪
- Oh!

- ♪ To you ♪

- [squeals]
- ♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ To you ♪

- Oh, my angel!

- ♪ Happy birthday ♪
- [babbles]

- ♪ Dear Mommy ♪
- Ba-ba.

- Ba-ba!
- Oh, my goodness.

- I'm sorry
Jagger can't be here,

but unfortunately,
he's sleeping.

- Oh, my goodness.
No, he needs a nap, baby.

- Oh, yay, munchkin!

- Honey, please get ready.

♪ ♪

- Hi!
- Hi!

- Oh, thank you.
How are you, you gorgeous thing?

- Look at you.
- Oh, look at you.

- How are you?
Edwin.

- This is my husband,
Edwin, Lisa.

- Hi, Edwin.

- How beautiful are you?
- Oh, well, ditto.

I mean, what a husband.

He's young, fit,
handsome, virile,

all of the above.

Teddi, I have to say,

not bad.

- Oh, after you.

- Oh, no, after you.
- After you.

- [laughs]

Ken, nice to see you.

Giggy.
- Hello.

- Hello.
- Look at you.

- Well, look at you.
Hi!

- How are you?

- Well. Thank you.

Hi, Teddi. Hi.
Nice to see you.

- Have you met
Teddi's husband?

- No, I've not.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Edwin.

- Edwin, Lisa.
- Pleasure to meet you.

- Lisa, pleasure.
- Nice to meet you.

- Likewise.
- All right, I'm Erika.

- Erika, I'm Edwin.
- Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure to meet you.
- Thank you.

[upbeat music]

- I own a home security,
home automation company.

- So you keep us
all safe?

- And we do
home automation as well.

- Oh, no, you need to
give us a system

that keeps us
safe from her.

- He doesn't supply Tasers.
- That's impossible.

I'm sorry.
That's right.

- Perfect, darling.

- Oh, thank you.

- Hello!
- Hello!

Happy birthday!

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

- The fact that I've been
invited to Dorit's birthday

is a real big plus.

You look great.
- How are you?

- Well. Thank you.
How are you?

- Yeah, good.
I'm great.

- Good. Good.

The last time
I saw PK

had some bumps.

- I've never ever done coke.
- Fine.

Okay.
- Never in my life.

- I just said...
- You said

did you and your husband
go in the bathroom...

- No. I said...
- Yeah, you did.

- I wouldn't say
I'm apprehensive,

but I'm not like, okay,
this is gonna be great

and everything is
gonna be just fine.

- Hi, honey, how are you?
- Hi, darling. How are you?

- Good. Good.

- Hello.
- Hello!

- Hi.
How are you?

- Great. You remember
my girlfriend, Kim.

- Hello.
- Hi, sweetheart.

- Hi, how are you?

- Ladies and gentlemen, would
you kindly take your seats?

- Hi, baby.
- You look beautiful.

- Thank you, my love.

[upbeat music]

- Are we missing
Kyle tonight?

- Kyle is away.

- Kyle is in Croatia.

♪ ♪

- Thank you very much.

- Oh, these are so yummy.
Which one?

- This is amazing,
the tuna tartare.

- Oh, no,
the crispy rice.

- My love,
excuse me a second.

I'm just gonna go and get
something for you.

- Oh!

- I hope you have
a good present.

- So good.
[gasps]

Oh!

My baby.
- Happy birthday, baby!

- Oh, my.

- Go wish mommy
happy birthday.

- [gasps] Bubba...

- He's kept this a secret.
- Baby!

- He kept it a secret.

- Hi, my baby!

- Jagger just in
a little white tux

with tails
and a balloon for his mom.

What a sweet little baby.

- Thank you, my love!

- Look at his suit.

- Jagger is
my heart and soul,

and PK dressing him up

is the most
unforgettable birthday

I could have ever,
ever, ever wished for.

But another good gift is...

Birkins.

- Thank you
very much.

- And we're still on
a group text.

- Do you remember
the girls?

Can you say hi?

together: Hi!

- Bad guy!

- What was that?
- Bad guy.

- Who's a bad guy?

Is Erika the bad guy?

[whimsical music]

- Maybe. You know,
kids do tell the truth.

But maybe
he was prompted.

- You're the bad guy.

- Thank you.
- That's right.

I wear that like a badge
of honor, young man.

- She loves it!

I swear to God,

he never heard that
from me.

I may have thought it
at one point,

but I never, ever,
ever said it.

- You the bad guy!

- Oh, no!
I'm the good guy.

- [laughs]
He chose you first.

- He did
choose me first.

- Well, I mean,
that's spot on...

until he calls me
a bad guy.

Now it's a load
of rubbish.

- My son's very into,
like...

- Bad guys.
- bad guys

and superheroes.

- I was in the car today
driving right up to my house,

and one of your dad's
songs came on

and I have a Tesla,
so it comes up with picture.

And now that I've
met you, I was...

it was a whole nother
connotation.

- It's a little different when
you're singing along to it?

- Yeah. It was cool.

- Teddi's father is
John Cougar Mellencamp.

- He fancies himself
a singer.

- No, you know what
I used to do?

I used to, when I was 16...
- Oh, God.

- I used to be
a background dancer.

- Get the [BLEEP]
out of here.

- No.
- I was.

- The pictures,
his eyebrows

are, like, honestly
pencil thin.

- I did have
some plucked eyebrows.

- Kind of
[BLEEP]ing amazing.

- Yeah.

- He has stories that
I'm like, "What?"

Then you see
the photographic evidence

with, like, eyebrows
thinner than mine

and you're like,
"I love that man."

- Teddi was telling me
you're a singer as well.

- I'm a performer, yes.

- Very cool.
- Thank you.

- Bad term.
- Pardon me?

- I always say the wrong terms
when it comes to...

- No, no, no, it's fine.
Yeah, it's all good.

- Yeah.

- Honestly, I have to say,
there was, like, a moment

when we were in Vegas
where I was just kind of talking

and I felt, like,
dismissed by you for a second.

- What moment are
you talking about?

- You were
setting up drinks.

- What was it like
growing up with your dad?

- Honestly...

- You're not defined
by your parents.

[laughs]

I'm kidding.

I'm being an as*h*le.

God, I'm really sorry
if I did that.

I don't think that
I did, though.

I don't remember
that at all.

- I am the kind of
person that,

regardless of how awkward
I may feel,

I'm gonna tell someone that
made me feel uncomfortable.

- Well, I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

All right.

- All right.

Okay, you didn't get a warm
feeling from me in Vegas.

- Rinna, get up,
make a speech.

Come on, you've got
something nice to say now.

You had a very nice
experience in Vegas.

- It was nice.

- Are you really...
she's gonna do...

- I'll do a speech.
Why not?

- Oh, Rinna's gonna
make a speech!

- Oh, my God, really?

Lisa Vanderpump, my birthday is
not the time or the place

for you to be playing with
your Lisa Rinna doll.

- First of all,
it's kind of a miracle that

I'm here.

So let's...right?

- [laughter]
- Exactly!

It's kind of a miracle,

and I think that six months ago,
five months ago,

four months ago...
- Two days ago.

- [laughs]
- Two months ago...

- Wasn't so great.

- Totally.

- We're in
a really nice place.

So thank you,
and happy birthday to you.

Dorit and I aren't, like,
on buddy-buddy terms,

but I think it shows,

if I may
say so myself,

how willing I am
to move forward.

- Happy birthday,
darling, and...

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

- It was great.
- Thank you for inviting me.

- Exactly.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Miracles
do happen.

- Coming up...

- There was this moment
in my father's house.

He said, "Well, you know,
my wife, she never had any kids

and I never had
any kids."

I was like, "Yeah."

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[knock on door]

- You made it!

Hey, there.

- Hey, how are you?
- I'm good.

- It's great
to see you.

♪ ♪

- Get on in here.
- Ready to get to work.

I'm excited to hear
some more stories,

ask a bunch more questions,

flesh out what we've been
talking about so far.

get to work on creating
something awesome.

- So we talked
about confirmation.

We talked about
being unruly.

We talked about being
a little headstrong.

My book is currently titled,
"Pretty Mess,"

and it's kind of been

a chance to tell
my story...

the way I remember it.

We talked about
growing up

and my mom
and my father,

but, you know, we could
go deeper if you want.

I have read a few
of Brian Moylan's pieces,

and I like the voice.

He's intelligent,
he's funny.

So I reached out to him
and I said,

"Hey, would you be
interested in, you know,

"helping me write
this book?

I've never written,
you know, a book before."

And he said, "Yeah."

- We didn't talk much
about your father.

He was never around
at all when you were...

- No. My mom and dad
were married,

but he left when I was
like about nine months old.

Went on
and lived his life,

and I did not meet my dad
until I was 25.

He invited me up
for Thanksgiving and...

- He reached out to you?

- Yeah.
It was awkward, for sure.

- And on Thanksgiving,
that's a lot of pressure.

It's a big holiday.

You're there are a stranger's
house by yourself.

- Basically a stranger's
house by myself.

There was
this moment in...

in my father's house

and his daughter,
she was a little toddler

and she was playing around
and I said, you know,

"Well, how did you
end up with the baby?"

And he said, "Well, you know,
my wife, she never had any kids

and I never had
any kids."

I was like, "Yeah."

What do you say to that?

It was very...

telling.

He had never ever acknowledged
my existence

to anyone,

and obviously
to himself as well.

[somber music]

- How many times
did you see him?

- One, two,

three.

- And did you have to
break up with him

and say, "I don't think I want
to see you anymore"?

Or did it just
kind of peter out?

- It just kind of
petered out,

and I think that,
you know, we lost contact

and there it is.

- And you have no contact
with him today?

- No.

You can't go back

and repair that.

There's nothing
to repair...

'cause it never
existed.

I never existed.

- At the time,
your son was very young,

did that experience
inform the way

you operated as a parent?

- You know, when people get
divorced, they have a choice

whether they want to stay
in a child's life or not.

- Right.

- And my ex-husband and I
worked very closely.

I mean, we still talk today.
- Yeah.

- My son has
a great father,

and he has
a great stepfather

and he's been able
to learn from both men

and...and take
great lessons.

And at the end of the day,
we have one thing in common,

that is the love
for our child,

and so that
supersedes anything.

- Going through everything
with your father,

how do you come
out of that experience

and not have all these
sort of negative emotions

about what he did?

[somber music]

- I don't really know,
other than I just knew that

whatever it was that I was
ever possibly searching for

was not there.

It is what it is.

- Yeah.

- You know?

[upbeat music]

- Yes, you do poop,
don't you?

♪ ♪

- Hi, Hanky and Panky.

- Hello.

I'm cleaning
the bridge.

- So you're
cleaning poop.

- Would you mind doing it?
- No, I won't.

- Oh, come on.
- No, I won't do it.

I love it
all day long,

Vanderpump just
picking up poop.

- Lisa, it's so wet!

Aah!
- Come on, you got to help her.

- Oh, my God.
- I'll help you, Dorit.

- Thank you!
- You're all fancy

and I look
like a man.

- Oh, my God, I'm so nervous.
- Look at you.

- Lisa Rinna
and Lisa Vanderpump

are not getting
the full picture here.

We're going to
a horse show.

- Lisa, darling.
- How fabulous.

- Oh, yeah. Well, see, now you
look a little more appropriate.

- Okay.

- Rinna is dressed
like a cowboy,

and Vanderpump doesn't
really fit a horse show glam.

I clearly am probably
the most fashionable here.

- So we're going to Tokyo.
The girls are working.

- Oh, you're going
to Tokyo?

- Going to Tokyo
on Monday.

- Who with,
just the girls?

- Well, I got an extra ticket,
and I invited Erika.

This is in Canada,
and I was thinking,

"What if Erika came
to Tokyo with us?"

- [BLEEP], yeah!

- So you're going to Tokyo
for how long?

- For five days.
- So they pay for you to go as...

- They pay for me
to go as a chaperone.

They have to...
- Yeah, because she's 16.

- because she's only 16.
We're the old broads.

- You're three years
younger than me.

- Are you really three
years older than me?

- I am.
- Is that your true birthday?

- So you think I'm lying?
- Yeah.

- Okay, look.
- Oh, my gosh!

- Oh, my God!
- She's showing me the license.

I can't wait.
Is she really 80?

- I can't...no.
- Yeah, I get to see it.

- Put it back. Put it back.
- No, I need to see it.

- No, I can't!
- Let me see it!

Give it to me!
- I can't do it.

I can't do it,
I can't do it, I can't do it.

- Why?
How old are you, 75?

- Aah!

- I think the only thing that
might be 75 round here

might be Rinna's IQ.

Give it to her.

- Bam!
- [gasps]

Oh, my God.

- And I look
pretty damn good there.

- You are telling the truth!
- Vanderpump tells the truth.

- She was born in 1960
and I was born in 1963.

That's so juicy
and delicious to me.

That's the one thing
she can never have over me.

Okay, so this is good, because
lots of people think you're 70.

- There might be...
- And now they won't.

- There might be
one little lie on there.

It might be the...
- Where?

- 108 pounds.
- How much you weigh?

- [laughs]
- Is that what you put down?

[laughs]

- Coming up...

- I love church.
I went every...

- You need to go
to beg for forgiveness.

- [laughs]

Confession.
- Don't mind her.

[upbeat music]

[horse whinnies]

♪ ♪

- Hey, we're gonna head up there
pretty soon.

That's always cute.
- Is that cute?

♪ ♪

Okay, let's go
make friends.

Where's the little angel?

- She's right there.

- Oh, are you ready
before me?

There are few things
I love more

than riding horses.

Hi, Mama.

I'm excited to
get to know you.

I'm showing at Showpark.

It's a horse competition where
you jump around,

you know, eight
to ten fences

in a certain order

and you try to do it
as smooth as possible.

She's got
her game face on.

- Hopefully I'll give you
no trouble today, Mama.

- I think we're gonna
get along just fine.

I'm riding a horse
named Virtue,

who's owned by
my trainers,

because horses are
an expensive sport.

All right,
well, I'm excited.

- Me too. It's gonna be fun.
- Let's do it.

Let's go learn the course...
- All right.

- get organized.
- Let's get organized,

and she'll meet us up there.
- Okay, perfect.

Not only do you
pay for the horse,

which is over six digits,

you're paying for its care,
you're paying for its food.

They get new shoes
every four to six weeks,

and they're more expensive
than a child.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, hi.
You look beautiful.

- Thank you.
- Very clean for the horse show.

Get ready
to be dirty

and get ready for
a little dust.

So let's go head this way.
- Oh, look at this.

- She was down here by...
with her horse.

- This is so cool!
- So let's go visit.

- Oh, my God,
this is great.

- Where is the red carpet,
please?

- This is VIP for now.

We'll make sure they know
for next time.

- Teddi said, "Consider
yourself forewarned,"

when I said I intend
on going into

full Kentucky Derby
regalia.

- Okay, I'm just gonna
say I am dress...

- I cannot help myself.
- perfectly.

- You are dressed
beyond perfectly.

- I am so perfect,
and I can't stand it,

in my sh... kickers.

- All I heard
was VIP area,

right where I should be,
all I heard in the conversation.

- Teddi.
- Teddi!

- Oh, my God!

- Look at this.

- [laughs]

- I think I said
closed-toe shoes.

- I know!

- Okay, fine, don't listen to
my closed-toe shoe advice.

Not only is it
a safety issue,

there's horsesh...
and port-a-johns.

- Wait, good luck hug.

- Thank you.
- You'll do amazing.

- Thanks.

Hopefully you guys have fun.

- Yes, we will.

- I love seeing
this side of Teddi

because you can see that
she's very passionate about it.

And I think that
that's something

we'll definitely
bond over.

[upbeat music]

- Okay, so
right lead single,

smooth, then you
might need to lift it

a couple times in the end.
- Okay.

Two, five, oxer me.

I grew up competing
every single weekend.

I was a professional equestrian
for 12 years.

I guess you could say it was
almost like an addiction.

I loved it.

To this day,
if I want to escape,

I'm gonna go to the barn.

Thank you.

- This is...
- Shh.

- Oh, okay. Whoo!

[cheering]

- Whoo-hoo!

- No matter what,
when I'm competing,

I'm always
a little bit nervous.

But when the girls are
there watching,

it adds to it.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Now, do the jumps get
increasingly taller?

- I want to say yes,
but I don't know.

This one's taller.

♪ ♪

- Yes!

- Good job.
Attagirl.

I ride a lot and I've
ridden for many years,

but Teddi takes it
to another level.

♪ ♪

I ride.

Teddi is a consummate
professional.

- Second place,
entry number 150.

That was Country Lane.

Taking the blue ribbon,
the Balmoral entry...

- [gasps]
Teddi!

- Teddi Mellencamp...

[cheering]

- She got first place.
- Yeah, she got first place.

- We brought her luck!

[laughter and applause]

- Teddi...
- That was really good

all these changes
and things.

- You were amazing.
- Great job.

- You were amazing!
- Really great job.

- It was awesome.

- Thank you so much.
He's such a good boy.

I got first place.
Of course I'm happy.

I'm proud,
because for me,

I'm 100%, like, "don't [BLEEP]
with me" competitive.

It's always been in me.

- You're a great rider.
- Thank you so much.

- I mean, amazing.
- When I used to

be able to practice all
the time, like, that's when

it really felt,
like, magical.

When I'm not practiced,

you're just giving it really
to God...like, "Help me!"

- Right, right.
- 'Cause I'm not prepared.

- Are you
quite religious?

- I am, yeah.

- I just had that feeling.
So am I.

- You are?
- Yeah.

- We go to church every Sunday.
- Do you?

- Mm-hmm.
- I support our church as well.

- I love church.
I went every...

- You need to go
to beg for forgiveness.

[laughter]

- Confession, trust me.

- Don't mind her.

- Coming up...

- They put him on me.

One of the nurses was like,
"He's not okay!"

And they're like, "Code blue."
- [gasps]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[cell phone rings]

- Hey, Mom.
- Hi.

- So I want to
get with you today

about...you know,
we've...

I've been meeting with
the coauthor

and talking about this book
that we're writing.

What do you, based upon
our last conversation,

have for me?

- Man, did I run up
on some stuff.

[laughter]

- It's important for my mom
to have a voice in my book

because she's very important
in helping me

frame my childhood,
my young adulthood.

- Look at that.

Do you remember when you
modeled for Saks Fifth Avenue?

- I was a kid, yeah.

I've been performing
since I was a kid.

Moved to New York City,
worked, got married,

had a baby,
got a divorce,

moved to Los Angeles,
met my husband

being a c*ck waitress
in Beverly Hills.

- No.

- I can't believe you guys
kept all this stuff.

- You earned certain toys
or things, too.

When you auditioned
and you got the part...

- I bought that sh... with
my own money I earned.

My mom was a young,
single mom,

and she was
very affectionate

and told me she loved me,
but she was also very hard.

I think sometimes you
treated me like an adult.

when I really wasn't ready.
- Right.

- I know that you didn't do it
with bad intent,

but it was hard.

She wanted me
to be tough.

She wanted me to be
self-sufficient.

She wanted me to rely on
myself and no one else.

And I understand that.

We're gonna touch on
some hard stuff.

We talked about
my father.

- I had some photos of him
when he was little.

- Mom, I don't
need pictures of my father

when he was a child.

- Okay. I won't then.

- I don't think
that's a...

That doesn't have
any value to me.

- Right.

- My grandmother
used to send

my father's father,
so my grandfather,

pictures of me,

and he would send them back
to my grandmother

saying that my father
didn't want to see them.

"Please stop sending
pictures of Erika."

So I wouldn't feel
comfortable

putting his picture
in my book.

She can hold on to it.

We got a lot of my stuff,
a lot of my backstory,

a lot of, like, school and...
and creative stuff,

but what we don't have
is a lot of our story,

mine and yours,

so I'd like to
look for that.

We as humans forget

how rich of a life
you really live, you know.

How many different
experiences,

how many different
relationships,

how many, you know,
heartaches and triumphs

and, you know, all that
kind of stuff you really had.

All right, Mommy,
I love you. Thanks.

- I love you.
See you later, sweetie.

- Okay, bye, Mama. Bye.
- Bye.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Probably in, like,


you should figure out what
you're gonna wear and stuff.

- How am I supposed to go
dressed to this thing?

- I don't know. I'm gonna wear,
like, white jeans and a top.

It's just at their house.
She's cooking, so...

- You're coming
for dinner this week.

- Okay.

- For our husbands to
get to know each other,

so I haven't invited
other people.

- When are you gonna leave?
- 15 minutes.

- Why?
- Sorry, I know.

Sometimes mommies
and daddies got to go out.

You know how, like, when you
like our special time?

- Mm-hmm.

- Daddy and mommy like
their special time, too.

- [whines]

- I know.

[upbeat music]

- I do not remember
the last time

I was this excited
over china.

- It's an investment.

- I've been wanting to do this
for a long time.

And the fact that Teddi and
Edwin are coming over tonight

is like the perfect excuse.
- Yeah, it's perfect.

- Oh, my gosh, my husband's
thoroughly gonna k*ll me.

- He's literally
gonna k*ll you.

- Genuinely. $950.

- Yeah, for a plate.

- I definitely need to
burn this, like, ASAP.

- Hello, Bubba.

- [laughs]
Okay.

- What's this, honey?

- I think we
had this downstairs.

- Baby, what is it,
honey?

[dramatic music]

How much are these dishes?

- I don't really know
how much they are,

because it's kind of
like a set.

♪ ♪

Maybe on occasion

there's a few
white lies.

I've got to cook, my love.
- Oh, okay.

- Leave me be, baby,
and I'll...

- Well, I'm gonna go
and get ready.

- Okay. I love you.
- All right.

[upbeat music]

- I found this wine
at the house.

Should we Google it,
make sure it's nice?

Or should we stop?
- You should stop.

I do not trust...
- Maybe it's nice.

It's a $30
bottle of wine.

- Just go buy some,
like, nice champagne.

- Right.
Can we stop somewhere?

- Absolutely.

- Give me
your credit card then.

- This dish is all about
the flavor.

I like a lot of cumin
on this.

Okay, it's going in.

I'm a very good cook.

My mother is basically like
a professional chef.

Tell me how you found
these places.

I've been here for two years...
- I Googled.

- and I cannot find it anywhere.
- I Googled it.

- It's how she
expresses herself

and shows love.

So I've learned
from her,

and my husband loves
my cooking.

[upbeat music]

[knock on door]

They're not prompt.
They're [BLEEP]ing early.

- Oh, are you ready?

- I'm ready, my love,
just by the skin of my teeth.

- No matter what event
I'm attending

or what I am doing,
I'm always punctual.

It's a respect thing.

- I love rosé champagne.
- I'm not gonna lie.

I was gonna just give you
something I found

in the cupboard,
and then my husband's like,

"We need to stop."
- Aw.

- And I'm
an accountability coach.

I got to be accountable,
right?

- Well, I thought we'd start
with some white wine.

There's a little bit
of cheese and crudités.

- Perfect.
- Sweet.

- And then we can
move to red wine

if you guys fancy.
- You don't want pink champagne?

- I don't mind. I love it.
- It's pink.

- Okay, but then if you get
some flute glasses.

I'm very particular, guys.

You don't understand.
I'm a control freak.

Is that white wine, my love?
- Yeah.

- He realized once he had to
get flutes, it was too...

it was gonna be too much.
- Yes!

- He's like,
"you know what?"

- [laughing] Yeah! He's like,
"Okay, we're going with wine."

- Correct, got too much.
- He had the wine.

He had the glasses.

Wine goes
in a wineglass.

Champagne goes
in a champagne glass.

You wouldn't eat cereal
with a fork.

So I was engaged twice
before PK.

- Were you
married before?

- No, never married.

- I had my first kid
when I was 26.

- You guys gonna
go for another?

- Yeah, I think...
- Are we going for another

or not?
- Tonight's the night.

- Honey...
- Not our night.

We're not having
another one.

- Why are you not having
another one?

- We had a really scary
delivery with Cruz.

- I made sure that
it was gonna be a boy.

- Yes, sex selection.
- Like, we could have taken

one of the 11 girls...
- We could have take...

- but we kept choosing
the one boy.

- But I was like, no,
I want the boy, I want the boy.

- IVF is one of
the hardest things

you can go through
as a woman.

One of your biggest jobs
is to make babies.

And when you can't,

you feel sad

'cause you're...you're not
able to make your baby,

and you also feel sad 'cause
you feel like you're failing.

- Oh, sh...,
what happened?

- They put him on me.

One of the nurses was like,
"He's not okay!"

And they're like, "Code blue."
- [gasps]

- And I'm just
sitting there

and, like, it...
he wasn't breathing.

They took him right to the NICU.
- Oh, my God.

- So literally it's...
- Oh, my God.

- We have, like,
ten doctors come in.

I thought...
- But what was...

what was wrong?
- The head goes.

- So he has...
- The head goes, yeah.

- a heart condition,
so all of us have three valves,

and he has
two working valves,

and his third one
is like a...

it's like
a rusty valve almost.

- I just remember my...
my sisters went in the room

and they're crying,
she's crying.

I'm like, holy crap.
- Oh.

- I was just crying,
saying, "All right,

"just give me
one more chance.

I'll never do this again."
- 'Cause you thought

you were being punished
for choosing a boy.

- Yes.

- I'm his mother.

My job is to protect him.

And that little bit of me
that felt like

I was selecting something,

I chose for him to
be a boy,

and, you know,
God didn't choose for me...

It'll always make me feel
a little guilty.

- When my first son
was born,

he came out...
- I can't bear it.

- I'd never had a baby before.
He came out blue

with a cone head.

Like, literally
cone head.

Like, I was looking
at him, oh, my God.

[lilting music]

- That's the same...

ish.

- Anyway, I'm trying to
lighten the evening, babe.

- Coming up...

- It was designed
to hurt me.

Lisa Rinna with
the, "[BLEEP] you!"

[upbeat music]

[tablet rings]

- Oh!

Well, hello, Kyle.

- Hello, there.

- How are you?
Look at you.

- It's so beautiful here.
Look at this.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, Kyle, it is
so gorgeous.

- It's so nice to have all
my kids trapped on the boat.

They can't go anywhere.
It's amazing.

- What's that like?
[laughs]

- Well, like, breakfast,
lunch, and dinner,

you know, you're all together.
That's what I love about it.

- I'd love that.
Okay, your life is...

- I miss everybody.
What's happening?

- You know what?
We miss you.

We went to Villa Blanca
the other night

for Dorit's birthday,

and we had
a really nice time.

- How was it seeing PK
for the first time in a while?

- I know.
You know what?

Time really does
heal a lot.

It was fine seeing him.
It was nice.

- Hi, I'm the local
friend therapist,

just checking in to make sure
everyone's getting along.

- Everybody's having
a nice time right now.

We're having fun.
So that's really...

- Oh, good.

- It's a relief,
you know?

- Okay, well, hold down
the fort. Keep the peace.

- I...hey, Kyle, you know,
that's my middle name.

Lisa Peace Rinna.

[laughter]

- Okay, see you later.

- Okay, have fun.
Bye!

Mwah. Bye.

[upbeat music]

- Baby, can we have dinner?
- Yes.

♪ ♪

- Teddi, you need to
step up your game.

♪ ♪

So how often
does Dorit cook?

- She cooks a lot,
and she's a brilliant cook.

But I love the particular dish
she's cooked tonight,

which is my favorite.
I call it the Moroccan dish.

It's not really Moroccan,
but you'll...

but you'll try it.

♪ ♪

- He's like, "Would you start
cooking if I proposed?"

And I'm like, "Yeah!"
- [laughs]

- Whoo! Look at that.
- Wow!

- Wow!
- Oh, wow.

- I am actually going to
serve everyone

if it's okay.

- So I want to just tell
the guys one thing

that we had
a dinner party here...

with Rinna
a year or so ago.

- Yep.

- And it was the first time
I ever met her,

and she was so nice,

and we had such
a nice evening.

- I only like people to enjoy
themselves at my dinner parties,

by the way.
- Well, good.

- After the evening,

it clearly wasn't
as nice for her

as it was for us,

'cause she basically left

and just basically
attacked Dorit,

attacked me,
attacked the whole evening

It was just
really weird.

It would be like you sitting
here having a fab evening,

and then going back
and saying...

- Thank you so much.

- to your friends, "Oh, my God,
they're the worst hosts.

The food was disgusting,"
this, that, the other.

- And this is
when you guys

just first got to
meet each other?

- Well, I...was this
the first time you met her?

- First time I met her.
- Yeah.

He thinks Lisa Rinna is
schizophrenic.

- That's a big accusation.

I mean, unless you have
a medical license,

I don't think
I'd go there.

- He had said this when I came
back from a girls' trip

to Hong Kong and I was
really distraught.

And I said, "PK,
I do not know

where this came from."

I mean, one morning she invited
me in her room for coffee,

and things were fine.

- Hi, welcome.

- Thank you.
- How'd you sleep?

- Hello.
- I didn't really.

- Hi.
- You didn't?

- And then that night
I was on a boat,

and it was like
a m*ssile attack.

- Why are you
so defensive?

Why can't you be like,
"I [BLEEP]ed up, I'm so sorry"?

- Are you [BLEEP]ing
kidding me?

- I'm not [BLEEP]ing
kidding you.

- It was designed
to hurt me.

She once again
got in my face

Lisa Rinna with
the, "[BLEEP] you!"

She's one person
one minute,

then she's another person
another minute,

and she's got rage and regret
and rage and regret.

And it's like,
oh, my God, someone,

a friend of yours
nonetheless,

is capable of doing
something so vicious to you.

The fact that she would get up
and give me a speech

on my birthday...

- We're in
a really nice place.

So thank you,
and happy birthday to you.

- is so preposterous
that it's funny.

- I'm confused.

You just had
this big moment

where you've
forgiven each other.

- Listen, I'm
perfectly capable

of cleaning this slate.

- I would be happy
with just trying that.

- And now you're at a dinner
talking about it again.

That's not forgiveness
in my opinion.

Seeing you guys at
the horse show together,

like, I'm shocked hearing this.
Like, I'm like, what?

Because it all
seemed very easy.

- You wait, babe.

- Next time on "The Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

[upbeat music]

- Come on,
we are in Tokyo.

- There's your girls.
- Those are my girls up there!

- What are you guys
doing tomorrow?

- Two store openings.

- And then we have
"Vogue."

- Aah!
together: Aah!

- All right, let's go.

- Hey, wait for me!

- Because I grew up
in a broken home,

family time is something
I always wanted.

Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs]

- I want to give my kids
the life

I didn't fully
get to have.

- If Kyle wants to be mean...
- Really?

- then you will know it.

- Well, at least
it's on the table and out

instead of being sneaky.

- I'm gonna come up with
a whole new strap-on line

named the Camille.

- Dorit.
- I am making...

- Camille,
you're a stupid [BLEEP]!

- To learn more
about the housewives,