08x14 - Heaven Knows

[bunniefuu]

[Dorit] Previously
on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills…

My mom is coming into town,

and I would love
to invite you all to lunch.

I'm so excited to meet your mom, Lisa.

-[camera shutter clicking]
-[Matthias] Hair. Stick the booty out.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

[Erika] All these great things
are happening at one time,

and I need more.

You just felt like
you needed to talk about

a conversation that happened
three months ago

over dinner that was in passing.

-It happened right after Vegas.
-I think we've come a long way since then.

[Dorit] Lisa and I are fine.

You can try to stir things up again,

-but we're good.
-[Teddi] I'm not gonna try

to stir things up ever.

You pretending that it's fully amnesia
right now is confusing to me.

Don't ever say I'm pretending,
'cause I'm not pretending.

I'm telling the truth,
I don't remember saying that.

Don't [bleep] with me like that.
You don't want that.

-[Lisa] Teddi
-[Teddi] No.

Ms. Crybaby.

-[Teddi] I'm out of here. Leave me alone.
-[Lisa] Teddi.

[theme music]

[Kyle] In this town,
fame and money come and go,

but friends should not.

[Erika] Some people call me cold.

But that's not ice, it's diamonds.

[Dorit] I believe in excess of everything,

except moderation.

[Teddi] Having the best
isn't important to me,

but being my best is.

[Lisa R.] I don't have to buy it,

'cause I already own it.

[Lisa] The queen of diamonds

always has an ace up her sleeve.

[upbeat music]

♪ One in a million ♪

♪ One in a… ♪

[Dorit] I'm coming for you, Jaggy.

Are you playing with Peppa Pig?

Is Peppa playing nicely?

Uh, no.

Oh, my baby. Oh!

It's not bath time no more.

[Dorit] It's not bath time anymore?

[Jagger] No.

♪ We got that one in a million
Kind of love, yeah ♪

[laughs]

Mommy, when we gonna clean this face off?

I don't know.
In three minutes, I think. Kiss?

♪ One in a million ♪

[Erika] Dr. Liz is here for your checkup.

[Liz] I was wondering about getting pee.

-[Erika] Get out of here.
-All right, let's go.

[laughter]

Is it supposed to be that brown?

[Liz] That's actually good. That means
his kidneys are working really well.

Oh, good. Okay, good.

[light music]

[phone ringing]

[groans]

[Dorit] Hello?

[Teddi] It's Teddi. Do you have a sec?

Sure. Just a couple minutes.

[Teddi] To apologize for what I said
to Lisa Rinna.

I had a dinner with PK and Dorit.

I said, you know,
"It seems like you and Lisa Rinna

have a good relationship,

and do you believe her in her apology?"

PK's response was, "Please," and she just…

Oh.

[Teddi] In the moment,
when I was talking to Lisa Rinna,

I just thought about myself,

and I didn't think about
the repercussions,

and I wanted to apologize to you for it.

Oh.

Why didn't you just say
something to me tomorrow?

[Teddi] To be honest, I don't know
if I'm gonna go tomorrow.

You know, what happened
with Erika was hard on me,

and I just don't know that I want to be
in that situation again tomorrow.

[Dorit] If you're delivering
a real apology,

don't pick up the phone and waffle

a sorry little apology

and think that everything is gonna be
perfectly okay.

Well, I mean, Teddi, listen.

You're trying to sully my reputation,

instigating these problems.

You know, it's starting to feel
like it's intentional.

[Teddi] Well, that's definitely
not the case.

You know, in my mind

I'm not trying to justify it to you
and have you see my side,

but I make a mistake
by telling Lisa Rinna.

[Teddi] Just one time,
I want to be able to say an apology,

get an "Okay, I accept your apology" back,

and then be done.

'Cause what else is there to say?

Okay, well, I appreciate
you calling to apologize.

[Teddi] All righty. Okay.

-Bye-bye.
-[Teddi] Bye-bye.

[Dorit sighs]
Jesus.

[light music]

[Delilah] Ew, she got my pants dirty.

Well, she's a puppy.

This is a puppy,
and she gets everybody dirty.

She can't help herself.

I'm so excited for Nana to come.

How cute are they right now?
[Lisa R. gasps]

Nana's gonna love this puppy.

Lois is 89, and we are making a mandate.

We're trying to spend
as much time with her as we can.

"I like to step in wine. It is fine."

[both laughing]

-Is that the cutest thing?
-Was that foreshadowing!

Even though she doesn't look 89
and she doesn't act 89,

she's 89.

-She's so cute.
-She's so cute.

I can't wait to see her.

[Lisa R.] The girls love spending time
with Lois,

and it just worked out perfectly
that Delilah moves to New York;

her first job out, she gets in LA.

Get it.

That's her favorite thing. Bye.

[both laughing]

[Delilah] Bye!

[pop-rock music]

-Boo!
-Oh! My God.

I can't resist doing that to someone.

-How are you?
-Oh, my gosh, how are you?

Ooh, look at those glasses.

[Teddi] You look cute.

[Kyle] I just came from Sophia's school.

They were doing
their senior portraits today,

so some of her friends asked me
to do their makeup.

Well, they were smart.

I brought my little whole thing,
set it up.

And then Sophia wanted me there too
to say, like,

"Oh, no, she doesn't like
her picture taken that side, sir."

[laughter]

So I had to go and be her spokesperson.

[waitress] May I get you a drink?

Um, I actually will have
a Arnold Palmer. Thank you.

[waitress] All right.
Are you also ready to order?

-What are you getting?
-I'm gonna get the chopped salad.

-[waitress] Okay.
-[Kyle] Could I get a veggie burger?

-Okay.
-All right.

-Um…
-So what's going on?

Oh, well, after you left the other night…

-When I went to Hamilton?
-[Teddi] Yeah.

Erika kind of starts, like,
"How do you feel in this friend group?"

And I'm like, "It kind of bothers me

that you and I had
a conversation in New York

where you agreed
with exactly what I was saying,

and now you're pretending
to have amnesia."

And…
[Teddi laughs]

-Uh-oh.
-[Teddi] I'm not… I'm not kidding.

She was like…

[in monstrous voice]
"Don't call me a liar!"

Don't ever, ever do that to me.

A [bleep] alien came

and took over her body.

That's exactly what happened in Hong Kong.

I said to her,
"I did not even recognize your voice."

-Yeah.
-It was like

a completely different person.

Maybe Erika holds so much in

that when she finally snaps,
she just loses it.

It was really odd.

She then later felt bad and apologized,

so maybe she's gonna feel bad
and apologize to you about that.

If she apologized, I would be over it.

That being said, in the back of my mind,
I'll always remember, "This is a woman

that did this to me multiple times."

-Once bitten, twice shy.
-Yeah.

[Teddi] I'm not scared of Erika.

I don't like that she's constantly trying
to intimidate me and talk down to me.

Like, I'm always, like, ready,
ready for the next jab.

It's not fear.

It's frustration.

[waitress] Veggie burger with arugula.

-[Kyle] Thank you.
-[waitress] You're welcome.

It's not a way you treat another woman,

especially when your big thing
is how you empower women.

When somebody else is already on them

and then you start digging in
on them more,

I don't know how empowering that is.

Obviously, not everyone's
gonna get along all the time, and…

And that's fine, and if
she doesn't like me, she doesn't like me.

But you still don't have to be mean
just 'cause you don't like me.

She can come talk to me, or we can just

we can live on just the surface.

[phone ringing]

Lisa Vanderpump.

-Hi, Lisa.
-Where are you?

[Kyle] I'm at lunch with Teddi.

Just, um, was thinking about you
all night last night.

[Lisa] We couldn't sleep.

I don't even want to go
to the dog rescue center,

'cause if one person says to me,

"I'm so sorry about Pink Dog,"
I'd lose my mind.

Pink Dog was a happy little pink dog,

and she just had a heart attack and died.

[Lisa] And there was blood
coming out of her mouth.

Oh! I called this morning.

Ken still was so upset.

[Lisa] Well, you feel responsible.
Had I been there,

maybe I'd have rushed her
to the vet earlier.

-No.
-Oh, Lisa.

There's nothing you could have done.
There's nothing you could have done.

My dogs are like
my little furry children, you know?

And, um…

I don't want to cry.
[sniffles]

Can we stop now?
[sniffles]

You gave that dog a great life. And…

[Lisa] Oh. Thank you, Teddi.

Do you feel better now, Teddi?

I feel fine, but, honestly,
don't do not even worry about me.

Rest, and take care of yourself.

[Lisa] Okay. Bye.

-Okay, love you. Bye.
-Bye.

-That is the worst.
-[sympathetic groan]

[upbeat cheery music]

[Lisa R.] Hello!

-[Lois] Hello!
-Yay!

[Lois] I didn't think
it would take so long.

[both laugh]

Okay, hi.
[chuckles]

Since my father's passing,
I think my relationship with my mom

has just grown
so much deeper and stronger.

And I'm more protective of her.

It's a different level.
You just-- It just shifts.

-I have been so thrilled to see you girls.
-Oh.

Those are my kids! My kids' kids.

Once my dad passed,

because she took care of him
for two years, really…

Look at your sharp little jacket.

-Isn't it nice?
-Look at your nails!

-[Delilah] You're so young.
-[Lisa R.] When did you start

doing your nails?

She-- She sort of blossomed.

You can only hope that you… ouch…
look like this at 89.

Oh, you cute thing.

-This is Rocky.
-How are you? Ow!

Careful, though. Come on in.

Oh, I'm so happy to be here.
Where is Amelia?

-[Delilah] She's at her friend's house.
-[Lois] Oh.

Why can't you just live here?
I don't understand.

We have to tried to get Lois
to move to LA,

and Lois is not having it.

Lois loves Medford, Oregon.

She loves her place.

She has many friends.

[Lois] Come over and see me.
Do you want to lick me instead of bite me?

[Lisa R.] Lois has become the queen bee

at the retirement home,

and she gets all the attention,

and why would you want to leave that?

-Do you have one of my duster cardigans?
-No.

Well, you're gonna get one.
I got 'em for everybody,

-for the girls tomorrow.
-[Lois] Oh, great.

[Lisa R.] We're having a lunch
for Lois tomorrow.

So the ladies have to all be
on their best behavior.

-Don't you let them get sassy.
-I'm not going to let them.

Like, if anyone starts to get sassy…
[snaps]

-…clap 'em back.
-I will.

-[Delilah] Nothing to lose.
-I'm gonna be just like my daughter.

You say, "Listen, ladies,
none of this [bleep].

"It's stupid. It's ridiculous.

-"Life is too short. Get over it."
-It is.

Oh, I can say that.

[Lisa R.] My mom had a stroke
two and a half years ago.

It's been a blessing in disguise,

because it took away
everything but happiness

and living in the moment,

which I think we all could use.

-[Lisa R.] She's feisty.
-Oh, Lola, how are you?

[Lisa R.] She said,
"Lois, I'm having a hard time moving."

[Lois] Oh, well, I am too.

-[laughs]
-Not really.

[Lisa R.] Look how cute you are.

[upbeat music]

[Preston] I'm gonna give you, like,
a tan but with a cookie cutter.

-[Erika] Oh, pretty.
-[Preston] Very '90s. It's what we do.

[Erika] So, Mikey, tell me about
this thing we're doing today.

[Mikey] So, we're going t
o Girl Cult today.

-[Erika] Right.
-Okay. So this is like

a female empowerment, girl power event.

Tons of people are gonna be there.

Right before you is Tyra Banks,

Kimora Lee Simmons

you know, all the new,
young, cool, edgy girls.

Girl Cult is kind of like TED Talks

meets Coachella meets girl power,

really just kind of a coming together

of young women talking about the future,

talking about the power of women.

This woman who's gonna be the moderator

is gonna ask you all these questions.

You're gonna just chat, riff on the spot.

You know, boss b*tches
telling their secrets…

-[Preston] Amazing.
-…to young, cool girls.

To young boss b*tches.

To young boss b*tches.

[Erika] I love women my age

talking to women
in their early 20s and teens.

I wish I had had that.

It's so important to show young women

that they have a chance,
they have a future.

It's not gonna be easy, okay?

That's not what we're after.

But you do have a chance,
you have a voice,

and there are possibilities for you.

[Mikey] Let's show the boys
the outfit for today, please.

Girl power.

-Old with a little…
-It's a catsuit with a theme.

[Mikey] "Forgive me, Father"…

[all] "For I have sinned."

[upbeat music]

[Lisa R.] I think we should do
a story on you.

Okay, ready?

♪ East side ♪

♪ West side ♪

♪ All around the town ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

[Lois laughs]

She's back.

[Lisa R.] Guess who.

Lois!

[bright upbeat music]

Oh, hello, hottie.

[Kyle] How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

Muy bien.

-[Teddi] You look beautiful. Mwah.
-Thank you. Mwah.

I know.

[Kyle] Who's else coming today?
Do you even know?

[Teddi] I don't know.

Do you know if Erika's coming today?

Oh, I don't know.

Um, I mean…

Weirdly, I haven't heard from her.

-I feel like Lois is a good buffer.
-[Teddi chuckles]

If I were you, I would sit on Lois's lap.

[bright upbeat music]

[Lois] My pants are up.
[laughs]

[Lisa R.] Pull your pants down.

[Lois laughs]
God.

Would you ladies like some water
to start off for now?

Yes, please. May I have an iced tea?

Maybe I'll have a half iced tea
and a half lemonade. Can you do that?

-[server] Arnold Palmer?
-Maybe that's what it is.

-I couldn't remember the name of it.
-[Lisa R.] Arnold Palmer.

[Lisa R.] You know, this is
so special for me, because my mom

loves all women and all my friends,

and she's so excited
to get to meet these girls.

She's heard about them.

She knows some of them
but not all of them.

-Hello!
-[Lois] Hi.

-[Lisa R.] You've met my mom, haven't you?
-No, I haven't.

[Lisa R.] Lois, beautiful Camille.

-[Camille] Hello.
-[Lois] Hi.

It's so nice to meet… Oh.

-Oh, I get a hug.
-I give hugs.

[Lisa R.] I'd like to bring my mom
to every lunch and dinner.

She's so cute.

Everyone loves Lois.

I've heard so much about you.

And maybe you can instill us

with some wisdom that you've taught her.

If anybody gets sassy today,
she'll clap 'em right back.

Well, Dorit, my God,
she just can't help herself.

Thank you.

You know, Dorit and I had
a really tough time last year.

-We've made great strides…
-[Camille] Yes.

-For us. And I can only speak, you know…
-[Lois] Yeah.

…for myself,
because I also don't want to get…

-Excuse me.
-Hello! And there she is!

There's Dorit! Hi, Dorit.

I was so looking forward
to meeting you, Lois.

-[Lisa R.] Dorit, my mom.
-Please don't get up.

If you don't… mind,
I'm gonna give you a nice hug.

-That's great.
-You look so pretty.

-[Dorit] Thank you.
-I love the dress and the hair.

-Thank you.
-[Lisa R.] No, I was just saying to my mom

that it has been quite a journey for us.

Yes, we really moved past
some really yucky stuff.

-Oh, that's really nice.
-You know what?

-I'm glad when you do that.
-A hundred percent.

Dorit is working
on her fabulous swimwear line.

How's it going?

I should be getting
the first samples next week,

and then there's tweaking,
so I'll fit them,

and that's when the exciting bits start,

because you're actually seeing
your vision.

So it's not just in my head

that goes to paper
that goes to graphic design.

My creative juices flow,
and then something comes to my head,

I think, "Oh, my goodness,
I've got to put pen to paper."

It's like having a baby, I mean,

when you go when you
first realize you're pregnant

-and then through the entire process.
-[Lois] Yeah.

Just cannot keep your mouth shut,
can you, Dorit?

I have so many business meetings
on a daily basis,

and we're putting together teams.

I've done this, by the way,
for many, many years.

My mind is at this place where it's like,

dee, dee, dee, dee, dee.

I was up so early and,
you know, so much to do.

And I'm so pleased I got
a chance to sit with you girls.

-[Lois] Oh, great.
-[Dorit] Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[Lisa R.] Hi, girls!

-Hi.
-How are you?

-[Camille] What a pretty dress.
-[Lisa R.] Welcome. Welcome.

-[Camille] The whole outfit is…
-[Lisa R.] Teddi, Lois.

Kyle. Mom, you remember Kyle.

-Hi.
-[Dorit] Hi.

-Your hair looks pretty.
-Thank you.

-[Dorit] It's a beautiful LA day.
-[Kyle] It is.

Lois, what did you do for work?

Well, I wanted to be an actress.

Like, as I came out,
I had no choice, guys.

-Yeah, basically.
-[Lois] Well, I wanted to go New York.

And I had no one who wanted
to go to New York with me,

and I was just too shy
to pick up and do it.

-It takes a lot.
-So I waited for my kids and grandkids

to come along instead.

-Let them do it.
-Yeah, she's a smart one.

-Let them take up drama.
-[Lisa R.] She's smart.

Every time I'm with one of my girlfriends
and their mom is there, I always think,

"I would love to be able to have my mom."

You know, laughing with her
and sharing stories with her.

And she'd really put some
of these women in their place.

Where's Erika?

She had a work commitment,

like a longstanding commitment

that she'd scheduled months before.

[Teddi] I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not necessarily

gonna be crying that Erika's not here.

It feels nice not to have
to walk on eggshells.

[Kyle] Is Lisa Vanderpump coming?

She's not coming because of the dog.

She's so torn up.

Our friend Lisa Vanderpump,

one of their dogs just
passed away all of a sudden.

-He wasn't ill.
-On the way to the vet,

the dog died in Ken's lap.

-Oh, it was so awful.
-[Lisa R.] It's so difficult.

-[Kyle] It was so awful.
-[Lisa R.] It's awful.

[somber music]

[Lisa] It's hard to believe, really.

One minute, she's running around.
The next minute…

[Ken] That was one of the biggest shocks
of my life, that she died that quickly.

[Lisa] I don't do well when we lose

one of our little furry children.

Hello, Pink Dog.

[Ken] Come on.

[Ken grunts]

I should have seen it coming.

How can you predict that?

[Ken] You can.

She wasn't quite right in the morning.

Ken, you've got to stop blaming yourself.

[Lisa] I don't like
to see Ken when he's sad

or he's really stressed.

And…

I just…

[sniffles]
I don't want him to blame himself.

It's not his fault.
[sniffles]

It's not right to put
that pressure on yourself.

[Ken sniffs, sighs]

I can't help it.

[Lisa sniffles]

She just died suddenly.

I mean, he gave her
the kiss of life, for God's sake.

What else can you do?

Come on, let's go and have a cup of tea.

Cup of tea makes everything better,
so they say in England.

[somber music]

Are you really having
a seance at your house?

[Kyle] I am having a seance.

Rebecca, my psychic.

Oh, I was wondering if it was Rebecca.

Big Kathy is getting a chance
to talk to you now.

[Rebecca] She wanted to tell
you and your sister

that Kim, you were her mother
in a past life.

And she continues…

No wonder!

I have some things I need
to talk to my mom about.

It's the only way I can
get ahold of her these days.

[chuckles]

[Kyle] I love psychics
because I can ask questions

that nobody else can answer.

"What does my mom want to say to me?

"What about my dad?
What about my grandmother?"

I mean, no one else can answer that.

Teddi was nervous
because her husband doesn't--

you know, he's against them,
doesn't believe.

But I-- I still find it interesting

to hear what she has to say
about everything,

and I still think it's cool.

Let's-- Let's order.

Can I have a, a burger with no bun?

I'll have avocado toast.

We're both gonna have
the nicoise salad seared.

[Lois] I'll have the French toast, please.

Lois knows how to live.

[Kyle] I'm looking forward
to eating like that.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

Mom, do you feel like you're 89?

-Or do you feel like--
-No.

-[Lisa R.] How old do you feel?
-Maybe 30.

-[Lisa R.] Really?
-[Lois] Yeah, really.

-I feel 89.
-Some days.

-Some days.
-I feel 89 some days.

I shouldn't even be alive, but…

[Lisa R.] Lois is a survivor.

Lois had a stroke three years ago?

I can recognize that
I'm a different person from the stroke.

I'm very happy all the time,
which is great.

I'm telling you, that's the blessing.

And even when my husband died,
I wasn't as sad

as I would have been
if I hadn't had the stroke.

[Lisa R.] Well, I think my mom
is a true testament

as to why I need

to live in the moment,
make the best of my life,

be with my family, be with my children,

be positive, not get into

any petty [bleep] with anybody.

That's where I'm coming from right now.

-[Lisa R.] Open your bags.
-[Kyle] I feel a duster on my fingers.

-[Camille] Ooh!
-[Dorit] It's lovely.

-Oh, that's a good color.
-[Teddi] I love that.

You can trade. I only got one of these.

Look at this. The "Lisa Rinna Collection."

-We know her.
-Thank you, Lisa.

[Kyle] Thank you so much.

Your daughter works very hard,
doesn't she, Lois?

-[Lois] She does.
-She's a hustler.

[Camille] Right? Oh, that looks amazing.

And looking back, that's what
I should have ordered.

You may have some.

Lois, you could teach a lot to this group.

Do you all drink a lot?

-[laughter]
-I do.

-Depends on the day.
-[laughter]

♪ My kitty's like a python ♪

♪ Tick ticking like a time b*mb ♪

♪ Limited edition ♪

♪ Got to buy it with no try on ♪

♪ I purchase like a lion ♪

♪ Knock 'em out like Tyson ♪

♪ Everybody knows that
I'm a million dollar diamond ♪

♪ It's expensive to be me ♪

-[Jacob] Hi.
-[Erika] Hi, guys.

[man 1] How are you feeling?

-I'm excited.
-We're so excited too.

Are you all ready?
Everyone's out there, waiting for you.

Shut up. Stop.

The one thing we as women could do

to help each other
is to not criticize each other.

We as women owe it to ourselves
to lift each other up.

That's really the only way

we're gonna advance.

[Margie] Hey!

Girl Cult, how you doing?

[audience cheering]

We have a fabulous woman
coming to the stage.

An actress. She's a singer.

Please give it up for Erika Jayne!

[audience cheering]

[Erika] What's up? Oh.

What's up, Girl Cult?

[Margie] Yes!

-You look fabulous, as always.
-[Erika] Thank you.

Why is it important to you that women
should be supporting women?

Because women are the future.

There's enough room
at the table for all of us.

We cannot separate. We must be together.

How do you stay out of the drama?
How do you-- You know what I mean?

You choose to stay out of the drama.

You don't have to comment
on everything that comes your way.

You don't have to get involved.
You can sit back and watch

and let people make fools
of themselves all day long.

-Hello. Hello.
-And then when you have to talk,

when you have to address it, you will,

and then that's when you smack
the [bleep] out them.

-Where you from?
-I'm from Atlanta.

[Erika] Here's the thing, I had no choice
but to stick up for myself as a kid.

I knew no one was coming to save me.

I think sometimes
you treated me like an adult.

Right, but it made you a tough old bird.

-Is that what it did?
-Yeah.

Look up to someone,

and absorb everything
that they have to teach you.

I'll tell you if I [bleep] up.

You don't tell me.

I did not realize that comment
would have upset you. I apologize.

[Erika] Well, you're basically
calling me a liar.

No, girl, I told you.
I don't remember, period.

[Erika] I think that you have to be

your best advocate.

Thank you so much, you guys.

-Thank you, Erika!
-Thank you!

[audience cheering]

-Thanks, girl.
-You're amazing.

You're sweet. Thanks.

-Go off, y'all.
-Good night, you guys.

[light music]

[Glenn] We're gonna go outside
and move the sushi case.

Ooh.

[Kyle] Glenn, where are the candles?

Portia?

Are you gonna want to talk
to Rebecca still?

I feel like the perfect send-off
at my house

is to have a seance here.

Can you help me get
a whole bunch of candles?

Like, one between the crystals?

Like one here, one here? Yeah, okay.

[Kyle] I'm so excited
about moving into this new house

in, like, three weeks,
but I'm also really scared

about leaving the house that I love.

Can you light the fireplaces?

[Glenn] Are you sure?
Isn't it, like, summer still?

I don't care. I like ambiance.

[Kyle] Glenn, I don't have any candles
over here yet.

[light music]

[dog barking]

-[Lisa] Teddi Bear.
-[Teddi] Hi.

-[Lisa] You look pretty.
-Thank you. You look pretty.

How are you?

Okay… ish.

[Lisa] Unfortunately,
we just had another incident

with Pikachu,

so I had to rush him to the hospital,

and he's on a ventilator.

[crying]

It's just…

When it rains, it pours.

And to lose little Pink Dog just before,

it's just been…

overwhelming.

That's exactly what
he's not supposed to do.

-[Teddi] Oh, sorry.
-No, no, no. Don't you apologize.

He's the one who should be apologizing.

But you're feeling better
after the other night,

which was a fiasco.

She changed her story

regardless if she remembers or not.

If you don't remember something,
keep your mouth closed.

Did you go to Lisa Rinna's?

I did. Erika wasn't at the lunch.

And this is me. I'm such a crazy person.
In my head, I'm like,

"How would she even apologize?

Will she apologize? Probably not."

[Teddi] Am I gonna get another
tongue lashing tonight?

Let's just go through
with hopefully me not leaving in tears.

I'm just gonna aim for that.

Yeah, I've heard from Camille, Lisa Rinna.

I didn't hear from Erika.

I didn't even hear a couple of words.

We'll go tonight. We'll be fine.

Is there anybody you want to contact?
I don't think I will tonight.

Unless Pink Dog comes through
and starts barking,

I don't think I'm really interested.

-[Lisa] Well, shall we go, then?
-[Teddi] Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[knocking]

-Hi! How are you?
-[Kyle] Hi! How are you?

[Kyle] I kind of see Rebecca

as, like, a guidance counselor.

And I've known her for about ten years.

-Hi. Nice to see you.
-Nice to see you again.

-You brought Mom.
-Brought Mom.

-I did too.
-I love her hair.

[Rebecca] She looks great, considering
that she wasn't feeling good that day.

What can I get you to drink, first of all?

Oh my God, hi. How are you?

-[Kyle] Portia!
-I'm good. How are you?

Yeah, I'm really good.

[Kyle] She has sent me messages
from my mother,

told me things that were gonna happen
before they ever did.

She's given me names and dates

that she could never possibly have known.

These girls have been asking me about you

for I don't know how many months now.

Well, you know,
my youngest client is four years old.

So you kids are not my youngest.

[Rebecca laughs]

[Lisa R.] Hello. I lead with a gift.

-Hi.
-Hi. How are you?

-You look cute.
-Mwah.

-Nice to see you.
-So do you.

Nice to see you.
We missed you the other day.

[Erika] I know. Did Lois like it?
She have a good time?

[Lisa R.] She had a great time.

[gasps]
Oh, my God, my duster!

My Lisa Rinna duster! [bleep], yeah.

This is so great.

Girl, I'm gonna be sporting
this around town.

This is the right size for you.

You know what?
Maybe the next time I see you

-You better, girl.
-I might have to wear my Lisa Rinna…

And I brought one for Vanderpump,
she couldn't come the other day either.

Hello?

Hello. Whether you like it or not,
we're here.

[Kyle] How are you? Mwah.

How are you, ladies?

Thank you for the flowers.

You're welcome. How are you feeling?

We won't talk about it.

-I'd rather not talk about it.
-[Kyle] Yeah, we won't talk about it.

[Dorit] Hello?

I can smell the fresh paint, Kyle.

[Erika] Well, I have an idea,
and, you know,

I'll tell you,
then I'm gonna tell the girls.

-[Lisa R.] Okay.
-So I kind of have this work opportunity

that I need to go scout out.

You know, obviously, Tom's not coming,
and I don't want to go by myself.

But what would you think about, like,
going to Berlin?

-Berlin?
-Yeah.

-Germany?
-Yes.

Oh, my God,
I've always wanted to go to Berlin!

-You've never been?
-No!

-So, I can count you in?
-You can count me in.

-[Erika cheers]
-Honey, of course, you can count me in.

I mean, I think it might be a nice way

to maybe just reach out,
get everyone together,

get out of town,
forget all the [bleep].

[Erika] So I thought that might be fun.

It's been a while
since I've been to Berlin,

but I always, you know, think of it
as a really fun place.

And I love to travel.

I mean, you could tell me
right now we're going, and I'm ready.

I've got my Black Card, my passport,
and I'm out of here.

This could be the last
good moment we have,

Lisa Rinna, before the seance.

Good luck to you.

[server] It's port wine pear
on Saint Agur.

Okay, I don't know
what that is, but I like it.

[Lisa R.] The floor looks good.
Uh-oh, look at this table.

[Erika] I'm not doing this.
There's a crystal ball.

[Lisa R.] Hello, darling.

It's a very fancy dress. I love it.

[Lisa R. gasps]
There you are.

-I have a little something for you.
-What's that?

[Lisa R.] I'm so sorry.

Thank you for being kind.

[Lisa R.] Oh, of course, baby.

I appreciate her kind words, really,

'cause we haven't had
the best relationship,

but we're, you know…

we're old friends.

-This is Erika.
-Hey.

-Hi. Nice to meet you.
-[Kyle] Rebecca.

[Rebecca] Okay, good.

[Kyle] So, I've known Rebecca
almost ten years.

[Teddi] I think by Erika not even
acknowledging my presence,

it says how okay she really is.

[Rebecca] Everybody has psychic ability.
We're genetically born with it.

[Erika] I haven't seen Teddi
since Church Key,

but, you know, it kind of
makes me feel like, "Well, [bleep]."

It's way too difficult to
be friends with this chick.

It's like, "Really?"

I don't-- You know,
I don't need to work that hard

to be friends with anybody.

[cheeky tense music]

[Kyle] The first thing you said to me was,
I had just put drapes in Portia's room,

and she said to me, "Oh, your mom's here,

and she wants to let you know
that she loves the window treatments

you put in the baby's room."

And I was like… I mean, nobody knew that.

I mean, I had never even met her before.

Rebecca is a positive psychic.

She called me once and said,
"Your mom's trying to get ahold of you."

-Right.
-[gasps]

[Kyle] And I was like
it's like a phone call.

Well, this is the thing. This is real.

I'm not some crazy person.

As far as I know.

Um, I have been receiving
phone calls from heaven

on my telephone.

[awkward music]

What do you mean, on your telephone? How?

I'm bridging the gap
between technology and spirituality,

because heaven knows my phone number.

I'm bridging the gap
between technology and spirituality,

because heaven knows my phone number.

I know that sounds so crazy.

[Lisa] You cannot say,
"Heaven knows my phone number."

-It knows my number. No, this is real.
-No.

[Rebecca] This is written about me.
I have lots of proof of this.

And I call God "Papa God."

[Dorit] I do believe
that people have psychic ability,

but "Papa God"?

[mouths]
Okay.

Heaven is real.
Heaven has technology, and I proved it.

[Lisa] I mean, what's she talking about,
get heaven on the phone?

I mean, it's a load of nonsense.

I mean, I can't even get bloody
Neiman Marcus on the phone.

-Please do not call me.
-[laughter]

Let's move to the dinner table, ladies.

[Lisa R.] Okay, great.

Oh, how pretty this table looks.

[Lisa] Erika.

I felt like I was just getting
close to you, then you don't--

-You are getting close to me.
-I left with brokenhearted,

and you didn't even send me a text.

About Pink Dog?

Oh, my God, Jesus Christ.
No, are you kidding me?

[Lisa] I'm just saying,
if you know a friend's hurting

and we're building a relationship

and it's taken me two [bleep] years
to get close to you.

And I don't want to drop the ball now.

I'm only telling you because--

May I do something very not British?

Go ahead.

I'm sorry about Pink Dog, babe.

I feel like Lisa Vanderpump
is trying to make me feel guilty

'cause I didn't text her,
but the truth is,

I just found out that the dog died.

So I didn't get a chance
to text you.

I'm sorry. I just didn't know.

-[Erika] Do you have place cards?
-Grab wherever.

Everyone just sat down wherever.

-[Erika] Where you sitting?
-[Lisa R.] I'm sitting here.

[Erika] Good.

-[Kyle] Isn't it beautiful outside?
-Yeah.

-[Lisa] It feels like summer.
-It is really beautiful outside.

[Kyle] Of all the seats?

Really?

I mean, I'm not a psychic, Teddi,

but something tells me
this is not the best idea.

I love sushi.

He's like, "I will make this."

I'm like, "These girls eat
like damn birds."

Everything in moderation.

No, I exercise.
I try to eat well for the most part.

But I need a damn taco sometimes.

There's a time to eat something
because you want to,

or sometimes if it's
an emotional response…

-Sure, whatever.
-[Teddi] Yeah.

[whispers]
Is that gonna be awkward?

I don't know.

I think everybody should stop
being [bleep] honest

and bull-- [bleep].

Well, everyone does anyway.

[laughs]

[Teddi] But for me, it's more like--

Those earrings are really good.
They're [bleep] good.

Thank you.

I've been doing this piece
on Marilyn Monroe,

and I feel like she's
at the end of the table there.

[gasps dramatically]

And there's also the name Franny
in here or Frances.

Well, Francis would maybe be my dad.

Oh, his name is Francis?

Well, it's Frank, but Francis
is what they called him.

-He's right here next to us.
-Oh, my God.

He wants to be acknowledged.
He's shouting it out to me, Lisa.

-[Rebecca] A little pushy here.
-Hi, Dad.

[Rebecca] He's adamant to get here
for you, Lisa.

He loves to come and sit
in the room by the big window,

and he told me he always talks
to you all the time.

He's very strong, girls.

[Lisa R.] I think once you lose a parent
or you lose someone in your life,

it's really comforting to know
if somebody tells you they're here.

Whether they're here or not,
I like to believe it.

He didn't want to say Frank.
He wanted to say Francis.

How weird is that?

And I think about it,
'cause it's that window back there,

and I think, "Oh,
there's Daddy sitting there,"

which is comforting.

Ladies, shall we go to the dining room

so we can perhaps,
I don't know, call heaven.

[laughs]

[solemn music]

I hope they didn't put me near you.

Phew.

[Lisa] Erika, you're next to me.

[Kyle] I think the proper setting
for a dinner with a psychic

is some beautiful candles, some crystals,

a crystal ball,

but absolutely no electronic cigarettes.

-[Allison] Have you been married twice?
-Yeah.

Well, then that's the last one you have.

If my husband ever leaves me,
I'm going with him.

He will never emotionally fulfill you.
Know that.

[solemn music]

Um…

we have a lot of people in our gathering
in this room now.

This is a round table,

and it has a lot of good energy
when things are round.

And then there's, um, John Lennon.

[loud dramatic gasp]

My husband's idol of all idols.

He's right there.

[Lisa] Everybody can tiptoe around it

and sit there and nod their heads
like little nodding dogs,

but I'm not buying it. End of story.

Is my mom happy
about the projects I'm working on?

[Rebecca] Um, well, she's just telling me

to look at the project always
it's going forth now.

She's wanting to talk about
her clothes and her hair

and her jewelry.

You know, if you're gonna portray her,

portray her true to her nature.

The shallow stuff.

She's like, "I don't like
the hair and wardrobe."

[laughs]

[Teddi] I don't even believe in psychics,

but I want to be here for Kyle,
because she's my friend.

I want to be respectful of Rebecca.

But am I buying it? No!

There's a Bill here. I think it's for you.

Mm-hmm.

We're gonna go back in time a little bit.
You knew your husband before.

Well, the story goes
that you were gonna go

to this place in Greece,
and you missed the boat,

and then he came and said, "No worries.

I know how to get you there."

And he ended up being your husband.

[Lisa] Hold on a second.
Are you telling me this is a story?

It's a previous lifetime.

It's a previous life?

It sounds so me.

Dorit late?

Maybe Rebecca does know
what she's talking about.

[Rebecca] You have three dogs
coming in here right now.

-You have your Pink Dog
-Bull-- [bleep]. No way.

-[Rebecca] I'm just gonna say…
-I have three dogs buried at our house.

Yes, and they love you so much, but they--

[Dorit] Her Pink Dog just passed away
two days ago.

I know, 'cause I actually have…

I never go on Twitter,
and I saw that on Twitter, yeah.

But that's not why I'm saying it,
because there's three dogs here.

[Teddi] Lisa had just tweeted
about Pink Dog.

Coincidence much?

And, Erika, you have some
psychic ability, like I do.

Yeah, I could tell.

-Which is why I'm closed.
-[Rebecca] Yeah.

-Really?
-[Rebecca] She has high psychic ability.

So have you seen things
that have been painful?

Yeah, there's only two people's lives

that I've actually seen,
in pictures, move.

-And I've seen their entire existence.
-[Rebecca] Right.

Yes. They're two people
that if I told you their names,

you would be like, "No [bleep] way."

[Rebecca] Um, you have
a very strong connection to Spain.

-Yes, I do.
-Yeah.

I was once kidnapped as a boy.

I had a lifetime as a boy,
and I lived in the bottom of a ship.

Wow.

And my family hired a knight
to come save me,

and the knight saved me,
and I followed him to his death.

How do you know that? I don't understand.

-Well, someone like Rebecca told me.
-[Lisa] Told you.

[Lisa R.] I'm sure
I've had some past lives.

I just feel like
they're not quite as interesting

as being a kidnapped prince.

It looks like Erika can add
a third alter ego now.

Two, I thought, was, like, the max,
but no, now she's a Spanish prince?

Eduardo Jayne.

I need to up my persona game.

I was probably, like, a farmer

or, like, in prison.

I've been told in a past life

that I was a very tall, dark,
and handsome man.

Like a wh*re.
[laughs]

In, like, the 1800s.

I would have liked to have been, like,

I don't know, maybe a queen in a castle.

There's someone here for you now.

Okay, Teddi, um, somebody that passed.

It's a female that you knew.

Have you known that one
of your friends passed away

or somebody you knew very young?

[Rebecca] Okay, Teddi.

Somebody that passed. It's a female.

Have you known that one
of your friends passed away

or somebody you knew very young?

Yeah, she said to say hello.

She's been waiting to talk to you

and that, um, she loves your earrings,
by the way, and…

[laughs]

She seems kind of young and, you know…
But she said that, "We had good times."

[Lisa] Do you know who it is?

Yeah, there was a girl, um,
in my sixth grade class.

She died, uh, riding horses.

Yeah, I saw the head and the neck,
but-- you know, to ask…

She broke her neck.

[Rebecca] It looks so horrible to us,
but once you're knocked out,

-you don't feel anything.
-You don't know.

She just said that you were
really a good friend.

I feel bad, 'cause I almost,
like, blocked her out.

[Teddi] I am now, all of a sudden,
getting emotional

not because I'm at a seance or whatever

but just thinking about my friend's name

that I… that I'd forgotten
after all these years.

And then do you have a house
with a big deck or something on it now?

-[Lisa] Beach house.
-[Teddi] Oh, my beach house.

[Rebecca] Yeah, she likes to come there
'cause the ocean and the--

Get the [bleep] outta here.

She says she likes to come
to the beach house. It's beautiful.

And that you married well.

[Teddi] I don't really believe
in what Rebecca's saying,

but I'm thankful for the opportunity
to think about her.

And I don't know if that's God or timing

or her lucky guess, but it's a memory

I'm glad is no longer blocked out.

And I really miss my friend.

-[phone ringing]
-[Kyle gasps]

My mom's calling right now.

-[women yelling]
-Don't-- Don't-- Don't do this…

-[Dorit] Is it Kathy?
-[Rebecca] No, it's a client.

-Oh, thank God.
-[laughter]

Okay, you guys,
we're gonna have dessert outside.

[Lisa R.] I love how we come right back
to our same seats.

-[Dorit] Exactly.
-[Lisa R.] Let's eat quick.

[Erika] So, you guys, you guys…

Listen, listen, listen.

I might have some
Erika Jayne business in Berlin.

I was thinking maybe we could all go.

I've never been to Berlin, but, like…

I'm going to [bleep] tell you
it's ridiculously good.

And it's a lot of art scene,
and it's like…

Listen, this is Oktoberfest.
There's the Festival of Lights.

We could drink a lot of beers.
We could wear some lederhosen.

We could have a good time.

-I'm in!
-I'm going.

I love going somewhere
I've never been before.

[Erika] Have you been?

[Erika] I'm asking everyone to Berlin,

including Teddi, because I think
it's always important

for a group to stay together.

You know what? I feel like if you and I
can put our difference aside,

if the two of you can put
your differences aside,

if the two of you can put
your differences aside…

-That's so last year.
-[Erika] Then we could…

What about the two of you?

[tense music]

-Yeah, for sure.
-Awkward spice.

Without eye contact. We can.

Well, actually, I'm looking at you
in the face right now.

And I know that we've had words,
and I would like to apologize

for me losing my temper with you.

-I like that.
-[Erika] It's not something I like to do.

However…

pretend amnesia is different than amnesia.
That's all I'm gonna say.

But we can discuss that,
you and I privately, another time.

-Yeah, I agree.
-Thank you very much for a lovely night.

I would love for you all
to come with me to Berlin.

I think Erika and I are moving forward

in an effort of convenience
to our other friendships.

And if you can, I would love
for you to join us.

Am I going to be
over-the-top a*s-kissy to Erika

because she invited me on the trip? No.

Am I grateful that she's inviting me
on this amazing trip?

Yes, I'm excited to go
on a trip with my friends.

[Erika] Come with me to Berlin.

You will love it.

I will call your husbands
and possibly give them all blowjobs.

-[screams]
-[laughter]

I'm out of here! [bleep] all y'all.

-Bye.
-[laughter]

That's it. I leave.

I can't wait to go home
and tell Harry Hamlin

-he's getting a blowjob from Erika Jayne.
-[Dorit squeals]

Okay, on that note, good night.

[Lisa] Next time
on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills…

[Erika] Here she is!

[Dorit gasps]

You're in the Kardashian game, b*tch!

The only thing I worry is that a girl
with a really strong walk,

and next thing you know,
I've got a full collection of thongs.

I think I'm ready to be a full-time dad.

I mean, you can get a job. Perfect.

-Oh, I don't have a job?
-Well…

Uh-huh.

-[camera shutter clicking]
-[Lisa] We're finally preparing

The Road to Yulin and Beyond.

[man 2] Have you saved her?

I saved the dog.
She's in the car with me, yeah.

You did it.

-[Lisa] Well, we're here.
-[Lisa R.] We're here.

[Lisa] We arrived in Berlin.

[Lisa R.] Do I know any German?

[grumbling]

[laughs]

Nanny K was staying with me then.

Who is Nanny K?

If you are one of my best friends,
you should know who she is, right?