08x17 - Better Latex Than Never

[bunniefuu]

[Kyle] Previously on
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

[Lisa R.] Here we come, Berlin.

[all] Cheers!

[Kyle screams]

This is my last night tonight.

-[Lisa] I'm going home.
-Oh, no!

You get to miss the boat tomorrow night.

[Lisa] Our documentary
is receiving an award,

and I have to be there
to pick it up in person.

[Lisa R.] h*, h*. h*.

h*.

Put your legs forward

and your body back.

[Lisa R.] I'm not ready to die,

and I don't wanna die
with these women in Berlin.

[Erika] I would like to propose a toast

to Teddi Jo Mellencamp,

the only one
with any [bleep] horse brains.

A thank-you sure beats
Erika yelling at me.

I'll take it.

-[Dorit] Portia!
-[Portia] Hey, guys.

We have tonight and then one more night,

and then I'm home with you, snuggling.

And then we move to our new house.

In New York, I was really hurt by you

the night of my Bella party.

I didn't say anything
at the [bleep] Bella party, okay?

Good night.

Ugh.

[upbeat music]

[Kyle] In this town,
fame and money come and go,

but friends should not.

[upbeat music]

[Erika] Some people call me cold,

but that's not ice, it's diamonds.

[upbeat music]

[Dorit] I believe in an excess
of everything

except moderation.

[upbeat music]

[Teddi] Having the best
isn't important to me,

but being my best is.

[upbeat music]

[Lisa R.] I don't have to buy it
'cause I already own it.

[upbeat music]

[Lisa] The queen of diamonds always
has an ace up her sleeve.

[upbeat music]

[cheerful German music]

-[Lisa R.] Oh, yeah.
-[Dorit sighs]

-Oh, my god.
-[Dorit] Oh!

It's perfect.

Ah.

Is the temperature nice for you?

-It's perfect.
-Okay.

Oh!

I mean, you are spoiling us.

-[cheerful tuba music]
-[phone rings]

Is Erika coming?

[clock ticking]

[Kyle] What is going on?

We've been here for…

-Forty minutes?
-Forty minutes.

[Teddi] Kyle and I are frustrated
because Erika invited us to go to the zoo.

We sit in the lobby.

We wait while somebody else
is getting glammed.

[Teddi] Can you not
with the nails right now?

Hey, I'm sitting here
for 45 [bleep] minutes.

I'm gonna paint my nails.

-Can you do my makeup later?
-Yup.

[Kyle] I'm gonna text her.

"Meet us out front of the zoo,"
that's what I'm gonna say.

[indistinct laugh]

[Lisa R.] Good pressure.

Does Harry like going to the spa?

[Lisa R.] Rarely.

He's a wilderness man.

If he could just live in the wilderness

without any of us, he'd be really happy.

-[Dorit] Really?
-Well, he would miss us.

-[laughs]
-But…

-Well, jeez, I'm glad he'd miss you.
-Yeah.

PK is not a wilderness kind of guy.

He's more of a five-star hotel
type of guy.

The shower is, like,
the only place in the world

that he can stand to be alone.

Really? So he likes to be
around people all the time.

He has to be.

Do you think I can call you back
in a little bit?

[PK] Okay. All right.

Well, make sure you call me.

And call me lots, please.

I also didn't get a text
when I woke up this morning.

I like texts when I wake up
in the morning.

[Lisa R. sighs]

[Dorit] It's nice for us
to kind of take a little bit

of you-and-I moment

outside of the big group.

Things get a little crazy at times.

Don't you feel that we've earned this?

Oh, yes, but I always feel
like I've earned a massage.

Totally.

[Lisa R.] Pampering myself
is a must every day,

but on vacation,

I would choose a spa day
over zoo day any day.

[whimsical music]

[birds chirping]

[Teddi] Aw!

Look at those pandas.

That's so cute!

[Kyle] I told her we'll wait right here,
so let's wait out front.

Seriously, where is she?

Is Erika getting glam for the gorillas?

Let's do it with the elephants
in the background.

[camera shutter clicks]

[Teddi] Did she respond yet?

No.

Yeah, I don't wanna leave her,

but now we're at an hour.

[Erika sniffling and coughing]

[whimsical music]

Sorry, I am sick and have swollen nodes.

Everybody's falling apart here.

-No, like, it's like green…
-Oh, no.

…is coming out of my… Let's do this!

-Oh, no.
-Okay.

The zoo had pandas on loan from China.

You can't resist…
Who can resist the panda?

Hi, I'm Erika.

-You are Erika.
-Nice to meet you.

This is my friend Kyle, my friend Teddi.

We are so excited to be here.

[Erika] The hotel hooked it up for us.

We have unbelievable access.

[Dr. Knieriem] This is the largest stock
of exotic animals

in a zoo, worldwide.

[Erika] How old is the zoo?



[upbeat music]

So here we have the harbor seals.

[Teddi] Oh, yay!

[Dr. Knieriem] They are intelligent.

[Erika] They are, and they're friendly.

[Dr. Knieriem] Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle] Lisa and I swam with these
in Dubai,

and they came up and kissed us
right on the cheek.

[Lisa] Wow, she moves!

Clever girl!

Do we know how many pandas
there are left in the world?

-1,834.
-No.

-That's not a lot.
-That is so sad.

[Dr. Knieriem] Come on, ladies.

Now, this is the backstage area for them.

[Erika] Yeah. Super private. Sure. Sure.

[Dr. Knieriem] So let's go through here.

[Kyle gasps]
Oh!

[Erika] Oh, my goodness.

-[Kyle] Oh, my god.
-[Erika] No way.

-Hi.
-Hi.

[women] Hi!

-Oh, my gosh, they're feeding it!
-Oh, my god.

[Teddi] He's getting a snack of bamboo.

[Dr. Knieriem] That is a snack, yeah.

[Erika] This is a cool experience.

I mean, they are bears.

They look cute,
but they are really fierce.

[Erika] You can call me fierce
all day long.

[growling]

Ready? One, two, three.

[Erika] You are too cute!

Oh, my god.

Oh, it's looking at you!

[squealing]

[camera shutter clicks]

[Erika] One, two. I got it!

-[camera shutter clicks]
-He looked at you.

What's going on?

I want to take his face and just…

[smooches]

Kiss him, he's so cute.

Buh-bye, sweetheart.

Bye, gorgeous.

-Wow.
-Wow.

-[kisses]
-[Erika] Oh, my gosh, I love him.

[Dorit] Are we starting face up, I assume?

-Yes.
-With the pillow, yeah?

-Yes, of course.
-Okay, let's do it face up.

You can take your bathrobe off.

[masseur] How are you today?

-In heaven now. Thank you.
-[laughs]

How are you feeling right now
about everything?

[Dorit] I feel good.

I feel like Kyle and I are good.

But I don't really know how she feels

after the other night at dinner.

I know Lisa and her

-had a chat.
-Had a talk.

-Yeah.
-So I think they worked it out.

I feel that Kyle wants
to sort things out with me.

[Lisa R.] Yeah, she loves you.

[Dorit] Truthfully, I'm not concerned
about Lisa and Kyle's

twisted web of history.

I'm concerned about
my friendship with Kyle

and how we rectify that.

There's something deeper going on here.

[Lisa R.] This hurt Kyle.

If it doesn't get talked about,
it's gonna come up.

Well, yeah, it just festers

-and it becomes bigger.
-It's gonna rear its ugly head.

And we're going on a boat tonight, so…

Oh, my gosh.

[Dorit] I'm so pleased
that we have massages, then,

before the boat ride.

[both laughing]

[upbeat music]

[doorbell rings]

-[Kyle] Oh, hi.
-Hi.

[Kyle] You're wandering
around the hotel like this?

Yes, this is what I chose was appropriate.

-What?
-You should wear this tonight.

[Teddi] Kyle's my go-to

glam and fashion consultant

because we have fun together and we laugh

and she can help me out
when I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

See, I like those pants.

These are really cute,
and you probably would be, like, a zero.

I ordered some things
in case we wanted to eat before we left.

Ooh! Let's see.

These are tomato soup--

Oh, no, this is too much.
[Teddi laughs]

That's how we eat around here, okay?

What would I have done
without you on this trip?

Don't thank me till it's done.

-Oh, [bleep].
-[chuckles]

[Kyle] Okay, what colors you like
on your eyes the most?

[Teddi] I don't really like, like, blues.

[Kyle] Okay.

Let me see you. Look at me.

Now I feel like I'm gonna start laughing.

[laughs]
Don't worry.

How do you like my tomato Aperol Spritz?

It's fine.
[chuckles]

Okay, close your eyes.

Did you do anything
after we went to the zoo?

Just walked around for a little bit.

And then Erika…

You guys are getting along which is nice.

If somebody's nice to me,
I'm gonna be nice back.

Well, that's sort of what
life's supposed to be, right?

-Right.
-Also at my séance,

you guys kind of had a conversation
about the whole--

I mean, we didn't really
have a conversation.

She apologized.

And I would like to apologize
for me losing my temper with you.

However, pretend amnesia
is different than amnesia.

But we can discuss that,
you and I privately, another time.

I don't know if she wants to talk

about me saying that she pretended

to have amnesia
or the fact that she snapped at me

and I left the restaurant and cried.

So does this boat go to Los Angeles?

[laughs]

[energetic techno music]

-Can we see it?
-Yeah.

-Let's see this.
-It's very good.

Yeah.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my… And I thought I was being, like…

Like, I'm risqué.

-This is like--
-Like, I'm in a jacket.

Is this from, like, Agent Provocateur?

-No.
-It's very sexy.

It's just a blazer that I got

and I thought, "Well, why
don't I wear it as a dress?"

Because I felt like these shoes,
you need to have a shorter dress.

[Lisa R.] They don't look good
with a longer dress.

You have to have
really long legs for that.

So I was like, "Well,
I'll just wear the blazer."

[Teddi] I am not an aficionado on clothes.

But what is happening here?

[Teddi] Is this a costume party,

or is this a girls' trip
where we're sightseeing?

I missed the [bleep] memo!

-Should we go?
-I'd like to go.

-Well, we're waiting for--
-I mean just go in the car.

I ordered drinks, everybody.

Maybe the drinks can be delivered
to our car.

Can we… You know, I'm gonna tell them

-to bring the drinks in the car.
-Yeah.

That's not asking too much, is it? No.

[Dorit] I don't think so.

-[Kyle] Okay, let's go.
-Okay.

-[Kyle] Let's go, guys.
-Let's go.

[Dorit] It feels like we're waiting
for a few people.

[Kyle] Just Erika.

[Teddi] Yes, this is your trip.

We're happy that you invited us.

-Oh.
-Mind the cobblestones.

Oh, this should be interesting.

But at some point, you have to be like,

there's a respect level that's missing.

-Oh, drinks.
-Yay!

-c*ck on a bus.
-Oh, look at this!

[waiter] This is the margarita
and vodka soda.

Why didn't they put a lot of ice?

You can take Erika's ice.

Thanks, Kyle.

[Kyle] It's frustrating because

our time is just as valuable.

I would feel bad
to keep them waiting that long.

It's 5:40.

The boat takes off at 6:00?

Excuse me, sir?

How long will it take for us
to get to the boat?

[driver] Thirty minutes.

Thirty minutes. Thank you so much.

Half an hour.
We're not gonna make that, you guys.

Do you call and say,
"Do you want us to go?"

-Here, we'll all--
-Leave it up to her.

How was she today?

She's not feeling well?

Yeah, she wasn't feeling great.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[phone line ringing]

[automated voice]
Your call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice message system.

[Lisa R.] I hope she's just preparing
her next, fabulous

Erika Jayne look for us

and it's just taking a little extra time,
which it does, you know.

Those looks are major, honey.

Should we just have her meet us, then?

Yeah, maybe if we get there
and we can hold the boat

-once we get there…
-[speaking indistinctly]

-Okay.
-[Dorit] All right, driver.

Okay, we'll go, then.

I'll keep looking
until the very last second

-just in case.
-I know, yeah.

[upbeat music]

[Kyle] So Lisa left this morning.

[Dorit] How was your conversation
with Lisa?

[Kyle] I'm glad you asked.

I've actually been wanting
to talk to you anyway.

You know I care about you.

I love you. We have so much fun together.

At this point, it is what it is.

You know, we'll move forward.

But it became to me, honestly,
about Lisa and me,

and I guess it's hard
for you to understand

because we've been friends so long.

You and I have the crux

of a really great friendship.

My heart is so capable of really--

None of us want to have any issues.

-It's not fun.
-No, we don't.

We'd much rather be laughing
like we were last night.

[Kyle] Dorit brings up all these stories

to try to confuse people and deflect.

When I gave Erika the panties last year,

and then I went to the bathroom,

and you had had a whole conversation,

and then I approach, and Erika
was suddenly very mad at me.

If she thinks we still have a problem,

we're gonna keep talking about it
over and over and over again.

[Kyle] I just wanna go on the boat
and have fun.

I'm gonna consider it cleared.

I, I hope you do too.

-I do.
-And I'm glad that you and Lisa are okay.

[upbeat music]

[Erika] Leave it to me to want to pull off

some Latex look in Berlin.

[Erika] I'm totally sick and I'm late

because of the lube and the baby powder.

It's like the perfect storm.

[slow upbeat music]

[Lisa R.] [bleep]. You guys,
watch out for your heels.

-How are you?
-Hi.

Hi. How are you?

-Well, look at this.
-[Teddi] Wow.

We have a little bit of an issue.

Our friend, um…

She's a little delayed.

Can we just try and hold up
for, like, ten minutes?

-Yeah.
-Okay, good.

We'd like to wait for her.

Yeah, so we'll just be comfortable
for a minute.

Mm, I'm gonna go check out the scene.

[upbeat music]

[Kyle] Look how pretty that bridge is.

It's a very different skyline
from Hong Kong.

[Lisa R.] It is a very different skyline.

Um, I hope it's a very different boat ride

than the boat ride… in Hong Kong.

Dorit, [bleep] off.

Is Erika coming?

I… She says she is. I mean, I think so.

[gentle upbeat music]

[Erika] Thank you so very much.

[brakes squeaking]

[upbeat music]

-Thank you.
-Oh!

-It was all [bleep] up, but I'm here now.
-Ah, you made it.

-I made it.
-Okay.

-Wow.
-Yes, everything is fine.

[Lisa R.] Erika again did not disappoint.

Latex, honey.

-It's like a new person.
-I apologize.

Yeah, wow.

-You're like a new person.
-It's like…

Whoo, girl!

If I wore that red latex, Spandex…

Like, I would be
the sweatiest human being alive.

Now I see what the holdup was.

Very successful.

-Thank you.
-Yes, you look fabulous.

Great, okay. You all look great.

Sorry we went ahead,
but they kept saying--

No, no, no. Here's the thing.

You had to do what you had to do.

Uh, it's my issue, not yours.

I apologize.

[Kyle] You guys, look at the sunset.

-[Teddi] It's cool!
-Look at the color of the sky.

-[Teddi] It's very cool.
-[Kyle] I'm having a Titanic moment.

I'm the king of the world!

-[Erika] Queen of the world.
-[Kyle] Queen of the world!

I was told the best way
to see the city lights of Berlin

is on a boat.

-[Teddi] Oh, my gosh.
-[Erika] This is pretty.

[Lisa R.] Wow.

-[Erika] That's cool.
-[Kyle] You guys, look at that.

-I love how much they light up the city.
-I know.

[Erika] I encourage everyone
to travel, honestly.

I just feel like you grow

and your heart opens, your mind opens

when you go and you see other things.

[Erika] Wow, the train is going by.

Berlin.

Berlin.

-I'm cold.
-I'm very cold.

-A lot of graffiti.
-Mm-hmm.

Well, where I'm taking you,
there's a lot of graffiti too.

-Oh, good.
-Yeah, you'll like it.

-We're gonna go get dinner.
-No one gets a cold.

No, I need a shot.

[Dorit] All right, then I'm gonna do
a shot with her.

-Here. Cheers.
-Cheers.

-Oh!
-Whoa!

Damn!

[Teddi] Down the hatch.

[Kyle] You guys are matching.

-I know.
-Holy guacamole.

[Lisa R.] I know. Look at that.

Yeah, great minds think alike.

I will tell you this--

We're going to work later at a sex place.

Don't tell anybody.

-[exclaims]
-[Kyle] Okay.

I'm gonna get a drink.

My n*pples are rock hard.

How do you get in that?

-I need to know the information.
-That's why I'm late!

This is fetish down, very edgy.

Fun, fun, fun.

That's why you come on these trips.

-Is that powder under it?
-Yeah, I'm powdered.

-You're powdered.
-You put powder under there?

I'm powdered, and I'm lubed.

'Cause it's, like, a lot of work.

I had to stand with my gays,

and I had to pull them, and I was like,

"Are the n*pples lining straight?

Is, is the midline correct?"

"Yes, the midline is correct."

"Okay."

If you don't know why
you need lube and baby powder,

don't do the latex thing.

Leave it for us pros.

[Kyle] Lisa, if I look like you,

why would you ever cover it up
with that coat?

-It doesn't make any sense.
-'Cause I'm cold.

At least keep it open.

At least?

-There, there.
-Exactly.

[Kyle] Lisa, you've got to show
this body off.

-[Lisa R.] I'm cold!
-Lisa.

-Lisa, that body is…
-It's too good.

If you don't use it, you lose it.

[Erika] Parade that [bleep] out.

I wanna know what's under that jacket.

Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Go, girl!
-[women screaming]

[women continue screaming]

-Yes!
-[blows whistle]

Hot damn!

I'm [bleep] dying!

[Lisa R.] Wait, why are we having such

a good time on the boat?

Is it because Lisa Vanderpump's not here?

[woman screaming]

[upbeat German music]

[creepy music]

[Kyle] Where are we?

Um, this is an interesting little space.

[Dorit] So where are we going?
Anyone know?

[Erika] This is like the new hot spot.

Be careful, though, okay? Watch your feet.

-[Kyle] Looks like the new hot spot.
-[Lisa R.] Yeah, I'm really excited.

[laughs]

It just makes me warm inside

to see them a little unnerved.

I wanna thank you right now
for bringing me here.

You know what? Just shut up,

grow some [bleep] ba*ls,

and just walk down this alley with me.

It's not that big of a deal.

[Lisa R.] Okay, so maybe I'm dressed
like a streetwalker,

but I didn't actually think I would be

walking down a dark alley.

[Erika] Relax. Don't worry about it.

You know, it's fine. Hello?

-Hello, there.
-Let's get in here.

-Watch, you're about to step in a hole.
-[Dorit shrieks]

Why are we the only ones here?
[Kyle laughs softly]

[Erika] Listen, because you have to be
in the know to come here, b*tch.

-Oh, okay, cool… b*tch.
-It's not like everybody just knows.

It's like an artists' space.

-Hello!
-Uh!

Oh, this is so trippy.

[Erika] This is an
invitation-only restaurant.

[distant chatter]

-Aw.
-Look how pretty. Look.

-[women] Ooh! Wow!
-[speaking indistinctly]

Good evening, ladies.

-Hi, I'm Julius.
-Erika.

-Nice to meet you. Hello.
-Hi. Nice to meet you.

-Hello, welcome.
-Hello.

Please follow me.

-Oh, perfect. Thanks so much.
-Yeah.

You can sit down here if you want.

[Erika] All right, ladies. Have a seat.

-We have a special menu for you.
-Yay.

And here you can order some drinks.

We have a gin basil.

What's a chin basil?

-Gin with lemon and basil.
-It's chin?

-Oh, gin, gin!
-Gin.

[laughs]

Chin gin.

Do you have margaritas?

We have margaritas

and we have some champagne as well
if you want it.

-Oh, I like that.
-So…

[Erika] Thank you.

-[Julius] Enjoy.
-Thank you.

-Okay, who wants to go to the bathroom?
-Me.

Excuse us.

So listen. I'm happy you're here.

Thanks for coming.

-This is exciting.
-It is.

Can you believe
we're all in Berlin together?

God, you're like a rubber woman.

-I'm a rubber doll, girl.
-Well, yeah, that's crazy.

I don't know if I've ever hugged someone

with this material.

-You should feel my t*ts.
-It must be… I did.

[rubber squeaks]

I'm not into women.

-This is very…
-[laughs]

-Hot…
-I will buy this for you.

I'm telling you,
Mauricio's gonna thank me.

But it's something about
the boob with the latex

that feels so, like, voluptuous

and soft and… I don't know.

It makes me wanna touch them.
Not gonna lie.

[indistinct chatter]

[upbeat music]

[Lisa R.] Thank you. What am I eating?

-[Teddi] I think it's beet.
-Truffle.

[Teddi] Beets.

[crunching]

I do feel like we need, um,
our candles lit.

I don't like unlit candles.

-No.
-Yes.

We're very different in that way.

I could give a [bleep],

but these are things
that are important to her.

I never even [bleep] noticed
there were candles.

And I'll always tease you
about caring about the candles,

and you'll always tease me
for not caring about the candles.

Well, are we all… good?

I have one issue.

Pretend amnesia.

[tense music]

[upbeat tense music]

Amnesia? Sure.

Pretend? That implies I'm a liar.

Don't.

[Erika] I said there'll be a time
to talk to Teddi.

This is it.

My only issue was…

the way you talked to me

-when I did it.
-I don't care how I talked to you.

You called me a liar.

[Teddi] And you know what?

Right away when you snapped at me,

even when you snapped at me,
did I say sorry?

I don't know. I didn't hear you.
But apparently, yes.

I did not realize that comment

would have upset you to that point.

-I apologize for--
-Well, you're basically

calling me a liar.

I have a bad temper.

Whenever it's an aggressive
or whenever it's a snap,

when I went to hug you that one time…

I get it. I get it.

Okay, I don't need any more petting.

I'm fine.

I'm not used to it.

You have a big presence and…

-You scare her.
-And it's… And, honestly--

You scare the living [bleep] out of her.

[upbeat tense music]

[Dorit] Erika, listen. You're strong.

You are strong. I get.

I know where she's coming from.

I think you're smart and you're beautiful,

but in the moment,
if somebody kind of pushes you,

you snap back,
and I don't know how to handle it.

And it made me [bleep] uncomfortable,

and it hurt my feelings.

There was a moment where
I didn't even want

to come on this trip.

And I really don't know

why this confrontation makes me upset.

I don't.

[Lisa R.] Erika must trigger in Teddi

something from her childhood.

And I sound like a therapist and I'm not.

But there's a trigger that goes on.

That'll be $500.
[imitates puffing cigarette]

[laughs]

My issue was "pretend."

I apologize to you.

And I'm glad you came on the trip
because I've had fun with you.

I had fun today at the zoo
with the pandas.

Thank you.

Obviously, I don't wanna scare you,
sweetheart.

-I don't wanna be that person.
-And I mean I think I just--

That does not make me feel good.

[Erika] I can't shut that temper off.

You know, that's something
I'd like to change,

I'd like to work on.

But I am adult enough to know

that I'm an as*h*le.

[Erika] I don't wanna be someone that

is mean or eviscerates people.

And you know what? I don't need
to talk about it again with you.

-Okay.
-We're good, okay?

Good.

[Teddi] I mean, I wouldn't necessarily say

Erika's throwing an olive branch,

but maybe… maybe, like,

the Charlie Brown Christmas tree branch.

I'll take it.

-[Julius] Dessert.
-Thank you.

This is really good, whatever this is.

I think it's cheesecake.

[Julius] Are you finished?

Yummy. Thank you so much, sweetheart.

Lovely.

Guys, we're off to LA tomorrow.

-Yes, we are.
-[Dorit] I've got

a lot of work to do when I get back home.

I've got a fashion show
that is in, like, ten days.

-Oh, my god.
-So you all need

to be there, obviously.

Let me know if you need some help.

Thank you.

[Kyle] Other than
a couple of arguments and…

almost dying on a horse
and having a panic attack,

I actually had

a good time in Berlin.

-[Erika] I know…
-[Lisa R.] What an amazing trip.

It could have been a lot worse.

-[Lisa R.] It sure could have been.
-[laughter]

[light upbeat music]

[dog barking]

[Lisa] Can we just clean this quickly?

I think because we have the doors open
all the time as well,

-it gets so dusty.
-[Hannah] Yeah, it gets very dusty.

-Stella!
-[Lisa] What are you doing?

[Hannah] Come here, Stella.

-Lisa?
-[Lisa] Yeah. I'm here.

-How was Berlin?
-Good.

-Sorry I'm late.
-That's okay.

[Lisa] Berlin was a fun trip.

It was peppered with a few altercations

and differences of opinion,

but all in all, we had quite a good time.

I've got poo on my hands
and I'm drinking tea.

This is… It's the cure-all.

It's the cure-all.
Well, I had to go home and change.

I had poo from head to toe.

I remember when it was,
like, diamonds and rosé,

and now it's poo and Yulin.

-[John] "Poo and Yulin."
-[bleep].

[Lisa] Well, working at the rescue center,
I'm interacting

with all the little puppies,

and I'm often covered in [bleep]

because that's what puppies do,

and they do it about six times a day.

[John] Let's talk about
the Compassion Award

for the LA Awareness Film Festival.

I don't like awards.

I know, but it'll be great.

It's about getting the word out.

[Lisa] Our film,
The Road to Yulin and Beyond,

won the Compassion Award
at LA Awareness Festival.

We're garnering momentum,

and that's exactly what need to do

to advocate change.

[Lisa] We need America to say,

"The Yulin dog meat

t*rture festival is unacceptable,

and it has to stop."

Well, you have to pick up

because you've been there
and experienced it. I mean…

I'm not going up there by myself.

No, ma'am.

Honestly, the, the emotional journey
that we've been on this whole time, I…

like, I start crying
just thinking about it.

Oh, for god sake,
we can't be crying all the time.

Pass me that puppy.

I need a feel-good factor.

I need some drugs,

some puppy drugs.

Is this a girl or a boy?

A girl.

I don't wanna look like
I'm rubbing any winkies.

[John laughs]

You're so sweet!

[electronic pop music]

♪ But I don't wanna look away ♪

♪ 'Cause I'll miss it ♪

-[PK] How's my little entrepreneur?
-[Dorit] Beyond exhausted.

How you getting on with your jetlag, love?

I don't think it's necessarily the jetlag.

I don't sleep when I've got
a lot on my mind

and I've got deadlines.

Baby, can I retire if you do this?

I feel like you're probably gonna have
to give me a couple of years.

-All right.
-[Dorit] But I do see

a plane in your future.

A plane is better than a pain.

No pain, baby. Unless it's champagne.

-[laughing]
-♪ But I don't wanna look away ♪

♪ 'Cause I'll miss it ♪

[Mikey] We're going to NYC.

Erika's headlining.

Hey!

-[dancer] Whoa!
-[laughter]

[Mikey] It fits perfectly.

[dancer] We're taking her Berlin
up to a whole another level.

She is tiny in the crotch.

Well, that's okay.

[upbeat music]

[Kyle] Faye, could we use this
at the new house?

Yeah, I mean, I think you could take it.

And I think we should take these,

put them in Portia's bedroom.

What is that piece of hair on the ground?

[laughing]
Oh, my god.

♪ But I don't wanna look away ♪

♪ 'Cause I'll miss it ♪

-♪ Look away ♪
-[Lisa R.] Lola!

Come here!

Have you seen any rats?

I don't want any scurrying by
while I make my tea.

[Lola panting]

[upbeat music]

[Faye] Who packed that box, by the way?

-Me. Me.
-Did you pack it?

-I've never seen…
-This is called jetlag.

[Faye] Great organization.

-Look.
-I know.

-Very important.
-Didn't Justin give you that?

[Kyle] Justin gave me that.
This is from my honeymoon.

[Faye] Oh, my god, that's so cute.

Since I landed from Berlin,
I went straight into

moving into the new house.

[Kyle] Oh, my god,
this feels really strange.

I'm feeling really sad right now.

Can you believe we're moving, Khloe?

I've been going back and forth
between the two houses

a hundred times a day, it feels like.

I love this wallpaper.

[Faye] I know. Can we take the wallpaper?

The floors are gorgeous.

I hope the new people,
whoever lives here like it.

This has been the hardest one to leave.

It's a lucky house.

Everything was happy.

Happy kids, happy marriage,
good luck with work.

I feel like it has good… What's it called?

-Juju.
-Yeah.

This has been, you know, where, really,

the girls really grew up.

Don't talk about it. I'm gonna cry.

We've been in this house for seven years,

and it's scary to leave that safety zone.

[Kyle] I created a lot
of incredible memories here.

If Mauricio saw this
on my hardwood floors…

-The party's started.
-Portia!

-Look!
-Portia!

[Kyle shrieks]

[laughing]

Now how do we get out?

[Dorit laughs]

Running, fighting? Going sexier?

-Masturbating?
-Just let her go.

-I love these for her.
-I know.

-I'm so excited.
-I love those too.

[sighs]

[soft piano music]

[Kyle] Even though we have not
sold this house,

it feels so weird to think
that when I shut these doors,

I'm not going to be coming back here

to sleep with my family again.

[soft piano music]

It's sad.

[soft piano music]

Any time we have moved,
I have felt a sadness.

This time, it's just harder.

Look how perfect this is gonna go in here,
this frame and everything.

[Mauricio] We haven't been able
to put this up since our last house.

[Kyle] But now it's gonna go
really well here.

So pretty. I love it.

I have to find a good spot for it.

And I think to myself, "Why am I leaving?"

"Why am I leaving this beautiful house
that I love so much?"

[Kim] Are those turtles up on your wall?

I love turtles.

You're scaring me.

I can't believe you're making
your own sandwich.

You can start cooking dinner
for the whole family.

This is fantastic.

[Alexia] Which one's the dryer?

This is the dryer

and this is the washing machine.

-[groans]
-Glad to be home?

-[Mauricio] Ah!
-[Kyle] Hey!

River, you're not allowed on here!

Bye, house. I love you.

[laughs]

You really do.

[Kyle] Oh, I wanted to take
that "beware of dog" sign.

I'll come back for that later.

[upbeat music]

[Teddi] Skip, skip,

skip, skip, skip, skip.

I'm a hungry, hungry hippo. Are you?

[Slate] Uh-huh.

[Edwin] Dad is a little hungry.

All right, king. You're in, boom.

[Teddi] Question. Do you guys want
sandwiches or pasta?

-Not a sandwich.
-You want pasta?

-Yes.
-[both] Okay.

-Are you ready to order?
-Yes.

For her, could she have, uh,
just, like, a penne pasta?

-He'll have the mini sandwich.
-Ooh.

Can I have the Il Tram Chopped?

I'll have the, uh, grilled chicken.

Thank you very much.

-You're very welcome.
-"Sir." Say, "Thank you very much, sir."

Do you know how much I missed you?

[Slate] How much?

Like… ten million jillion.

Mommy, I… I missed you 160,045 million!

Whoa!

Cruz, did you miss Mommy?

Mm-hmm.

Little bit?

No, a lot!

-[Teddi and Edwin] A lot?
-So how was it?

I just liked being in Berlin.

That was cool.

-[screaming]
-[indistinct chatter]

I feel like we have to talk about that
when I'm not distracted by the kids

because there was never a dull moment.

-Mm-hm.
-I can definitely say that.

-That…
-Mama, look at that bird.

That's for a later convo.

[Teddi] I raise my kids

to never talk negatively
about their friends,

so in order
to actually instill those rules,

you have to actually follow them yourself.

We got to take a little break
from the coloring

'cause we gotta eat.

[Edwin] Ooh, look how good that looks.

So when Mommy was away,

did Daddy take really good care
of you guys?

[Slate] Yeah.

-He did?
-[Slate] Uh-huh.

-Ah…
-Daddy of the year.

Uh-huh.

[Edwin] No, we had a blast.

So, babe, I've been thinking, like,

it's silly to try to invest
in a horse right now

when I'm just too busy.

-Really?
-Yeah. I just…

Like, I have so many clients now

that, like, between that
and all the travel,

I already have a little bit of mom guilt

'cause I'm away from the kids
more than I normally am.

Mm-hmm.

[Teddi] When I was riding horses
for a living,

it took up all of my thoughts.

I didn't have time, really,

to maintain my friendships,

my love life.

I didn't think I even wanted kids.

That's how selfish I was.

[Teddi] But now I feel like
I'm in such a sweet spot.

I have these amazing children,
and my family is everything.

Even if they drive me crazy sometimes.

If I bought a horse,
it just adds this pressure

that I don't… I don't even really think
we need right now.

I guess I could buy
the new Lamborghini, then.

-Uh-huh.
-I paid her to say that.

[laughs]
You paid her?

Good job, Slate.

[upbeat music]

[Kyle] Honey, I'm home!

Look at… Look at this.
Look at this little Ken.

-Hi.
-How are you?

Okay, just came back from Sur.

-You did?
-Just… Yeah.

I am such a mess. Don't even look at me.

-I… I… I…
-[Lisa] You look beautiful.

What are you talking about,
you're such a mess?

It's the house
that's getting to you, right?

It's the house. It's work.

[Kyle] I feel like everything
is a blur right now, like,

"Oh, we found a house. We're moving.
We close escrow. It's time to go."

My heart is, like…

Oh, you want me to touch your breasts?

Please, a little lower.
A little lower. A little lower.

I really have been wanting to plan a night
where I have my friends over

because I wanna show them American Woman.

[Kyle] I wanna have some people over.

And as long as I have
that one room done, I'm good.

I have TV. I can cook.

And we can eat in that room.

Let's set it up with furnishings.

Why did I move here so fast?

'Cause you couldn't help yourself.

Because I'm an impatient as*h*le.
[laughs]

I thought this was part of the chair.

-Hey. Hey, scoot over.
-Yeah, well, do you want some vitamin C,

a cup of tea?

Oh, I need a… I need a fluffy dog.

Ugh!

Anyway, so I came back.

I got the award.

Oh, how was that?

Well, it was just nice to be acknowledged
because of the documentary.

It's been really, like--

-Emotional.
-Yeah.

And you know what I got the award for?

[bleep] compassion.

Compassion, Kyle.

With the dogs. What about me?

[laughs]

Talking of crazy b*tches…

[Lisa chuckles, sniffs]

How was it after I left?

Seriously, was it okay?

Oh, my god, we got to meet a panda.

A panda?

I felt bad that you weren't there.

You don't look like you feel bad.

You look like…

I loved it so much,
but I was thinking about you a lot.

Then Erika arranged for us
to ride on a boat

and it was all fine.

You know, we were drinking shots and--

In the zoo.

Would you quit getting me
all [bleep] confused?

What, are you Dorit now,
talking to me in circles?

-You guys talk so quickly.
-Right.

[Lisa] And I don't know whether
it's a you thing

-or a Dorit thing…
-It's a Dorit thing.

…but you talk at 90 miles an hour.

You know, I love Dorit,
but that night in Erika's room,

she starts talking in circles,
and I was like,

"What? What about Erika's underwear?"

"Why am I all of a sudden being to blame
for Erika's reaction?"

[Kyle] Even though I basically
patched things up

with Dorit in Berlin,

what she said really bothered me,

and I can't just drop it.

[Kyle] She keeps talking out of her a*s

while trying to cover her a*s.

But that's so irrelevant, Kyle.
That was a year ago.

But Dorit brought it up!

Say it's resolved.

You and Erika are great friends.

What the hell has it got
to do with anything?

I know, but Dorit brought it up last week.

Well, you should have told her,
"Forget about it."

I tried to.

I said, "What are you talking about?"

Even Erika said, "I'm confused.
What are you talking about?"

So are you going to Dorit's fashion show?

Uh, I'm going to Dorit's fashion show.

We're fine.

Well, it doesn't seem like it.

[energetic music]

[Erika] This is our first show
in four months.

Who performed last year?

[Mikey] Last year was Lil' Kim.

[Erika] Ah, that's cool.

[energetic music]

There is nothing like performing
in New York City.

It's always energy,

and it's always, like, cutting-edge.

You know, New York is where it's at.

-[Mikey] There you are.
-[speaking indistinctly]

-How are you?
-Wonderful.

[Mikey] So one thing.

Our smoke lights,

if we use them for two minutes

during the show, like,
nothing's gonna happen.

Can we put two up for the show?

No, the fire marshals
are, are here watching.

Fire marshals here?

Yeah, they're here watching.

Could we just do
the glitter cannons this time?

[Erika] Being able to perform
is always kind of like

my most favorite thing to do.

The book, the avatar,

or anything else that's come my way

does not happen without me
being a performer first.

That's really the catalyst
for all of these great things.

-[Evan] We just want it to be great.
-You know, I wanna give it everything.

[Evan] I know. I know.

You know, and it would just
make it so special.

I would just be a conversation

between you and sort of
the operations director.

-[Erika] Babe.
-I know. I need to let it go.

-Yeah. It's time to let it go.
-Okay. All right.

-Let's k*ll it. Okay.
-Great. All right. We tried.

-All right, thank you.
-Thank you, Evan.

You treat every performance
like it's the [bleep] Grammys.

[Erika] You can never half-a*s it.

People paid money to come see me.

What, am I gonna sell them short?

[Mikey] The stage is wet, baby.

We need towels. Now.

It's wet, so it's…

-Nasty.
-That needs to be--

Yeah, it needs to be wet down.

[Erika] It's hot. It's sweaty.
It's smelly.

This is being a nightclub performer.

It ain't glamorous, man.

The show is happening!

All right, here we go.

Please make some noise

for the one and only Erika Jayne!

[cheers and applause]

[Erika] Being on stage is…
It's an exchange of energy.

When you see people singing,
smiling, enjoying, dancing,

every show is like the Super Bowl.

It's important to the people that take

time out of their day to come see me.

♪ It's expensive to be me ♪

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music]

[Dorit] Baby, I'm beyond stressed.

I'm stressed that we just
changed things last night.

I'm stressed that this is the last time

I'm gonna be able to be here

before Saturday.

Hello, guys.

-Hi.
-Hi.

-How are you?
-She's stressed. I'm relaxed.

Good. Perfect. That's what I like.

[Dorit] When it comes
to throwing an event,

I like every little detail perfect.

Let's talk about why you're stressed
and then I can kind of walk you through

-what is happening.
-[Dorit] Okay.

I have a really strong, sexy fashion show

planned down to the very last detail.

This is probably
the most important function

that you've ever done for me.

-Period.
-No stress.

[Dorit] I've been feeling the pressure

because usually, in the last fitting,

everything is supposed to fit!

I just don't want it to look like

she has to pull it out of her bum.

It's actually giving me, like, anxiety.

[Dorit] I don't have time
for any other problems.

I just need to pull this off.

There's gonna be a drape on this side,

and it's gonna go all the way to the wall.

When the reveal happens,

that drape will just drop to the ground.

-Nice.
-Oh!

-Love that.
-I love that.

But it also terrifies
the [bleep] out of me.

You do know what can go wrong
with the reveal.

-We're gonna test it tomorrow.
-Well, just…

But this is the other thing.
If you test it,

that whatever fabric you're using

is going to get dirty.

And then when it goes up again,

you're having a dirty…

-Honey, you're overanalyzing.
-…piece of fabric.

-No, no, no, I'm not overanalyzing.
-You are.

-I'm giving detail.
-First of all,

you don't even need to rehearse it, right?

-[gasps]
-No, no, no, no, no.

-[laughter]
-Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god, PK.

-Please, honey. Please don't do this.
-[laughter]

-[PK] Baby, I'm telling you.
-Honey, they're not butterflies anymore.

They're not butterflies. It's pains.

If it didn't drop,

no one would know it was supposed to.

No!

I want it to drop right!

If it doesn't work, we just open it up.

We just open it. What's the problem?

Promise me right now
that you are rehearsing this thing.

-Yes, and then we're gonna clean it--
-Thank you.

[Dorit] Is it risky having a fashion show

with my first collection in five years?

Yes.

Is it insane? Yes.

Why am I doing it?

[Dorit] Because I want my comeback
to be noticed…

I want it to have a big bang.

[Dorit] The bars are in the back.

-Yeah.
-Pictures are on the side.

Palm trees are…

Well, there's logistics
because we have a small door,

and we can't bring in a forklift.

-I'm not bothered about the palm trees.
-Yeah, but I am.

-I can't believe that after everything--
-No. We're still working in it.

-We're in Beverly Hills!
-I know. I know. I know.

-We need to have palm trees.
-We're working on it. We're working on it.

Your runway is right here.

It's 44 feet.

You said 52.

I had to shrink it.

Hello?

Telephones.

They exist now.

I'm letting you know right now.

[Dorit] Runways are timed.

Models, choice of models,
number of models,

song selection.

Therefore, if I've lost
eight feet on a runway,

it's kind of an important detail.

-This is gonna look stunning, all right?
-I'm very nervous.

We've got a team of people
that know what they're doing,

so we should be fine.

[Teddi] Next time, on the season finale…

[Kyle] Who wants to see American Woman?

[all] I do!

How do you think your sisters will feel

when they watch this?

I hope excited.

They haven't seen it yet.

-[Camille] Hello.
-You're engaged?

Oh, my god, I'm gonna cry.

-I know.
-Oh, my god.

-[speaks indistinctly]
-Thank you.

[Dorit] Should be lined up.

Let me just fix her top.

This is backwards.

-[Teddi] Here we go.
-[all gasp]

So when does the Beverly Hills
Lifestyle Magazine issue come out

with you guys?

We're kind of not doing the photoshoot

that you weren't happy with.

Everybody knows
I had nothing to do with it.

-Oh, my god, Kyle.
-Kyle!

Too Beverly Hills for my liking.

I'm not into a*s-kissing,
not being honest.

-So I'm done.
-What's going on?

[Lisa] Kyle.