01x06 - Home

[bunniefuu]

[TV narrator] Each beehive contains
thousands of bees.

{\an8}There are over 20,000 known species
of bees in the world,

{\an8}with the honeybee being one of the most
well-known and domesticated species.

- Hi, g*ng.
- f*ck off.

Okay. What are you… Oh, bees.

- Bees are amazing, aren't they?
- Not really.

- Nah, f*ck 'em. Sting-y b*stards.
- [Gus] Yeah.

Well, okay,
they only sting in self-defense.

- Snidey.
- And they often die because of it.

Good. Pests.

Well… oh, funny pests
that are fundamental to life on earth.

- f*ck off.
- Okay. Without bees, you'd have no food.

Bollocks!

They only make honey, don't they?
I f*cking hate honey.

Shove it! It's not like
they make cheese and meat and sh*t.

Nice sh*t, you know?

That I'd miss!

But without the bees pollinating flowers,
all vegetation would die.

Ergo, all other animals would starve.

No. They'd find summat else to eat.

No, they wouldn't. That's what I'm saying.

Of course. They'd go to the supermarket

and have a nice chicken or summat,
you dopey twat.

- No, there wouldn't be chicken.
- Cheese strings, anything.

"Oh, those bees have run out."
"So?" "There's no honey!"

"Oh, let's have summat else
at the supermarket. f*cking sausages!"

- There wouldn't be sausages.
- There would be sausages!

- Bees don't make sausages!
- Just wouldn't be any f*cking honey, mate!

There wouldn't be any plants, so what
would the animals eat? Think about it.

If there was no vegetation, therefore
no animals that fed on vegetation,

what would the other animals eat?

- a*s.
- Hm?

A double S.

If you're hungry, you eat it.
Even if you're not hungry.

- Yum, yum, yum.
- Do you mean eat the arsehole?

- Like, chew and eat it?
- Like it's a little calamari?

If you were starving,

what animal's arsehole
would you eat first?

Worm as a starter.

- Have they got an arsehole?
- I'd make one with my fang.

- Yeah, which end should be the arsehole?
- Oh, does it matter, mate?

If you've just made a hole in his head,
what are you gonna do?

It's a waste of time talking to you guys.

- Penny's dropped.
- Finally.

- Interesting fact.
- Here he goes.

- I don't know why I bother.
- We'll be the judge.

- Yeah!
- "Interesting story, actually."

- [Gus] Yeah!
- Really? Prove it.

Prove it, c**t.

One bee makes the equivalent
of a single jar of honey in its lifetime.

f*cking lazy c**t.

- Yeah! Which bee?
- What?

You said one bee
makes a single jar of honey.

Name and shame the lazy little f*ck.

- What's his f*cking name?
- Yeah.

No, I'm saying a bee. A bee.

- And we're saying which one?
- Who's not pulling their f*cking weight?

Yeah! Get him outta the hive!

He is pulling his weight! He doesn't
weigh anything! Well, very little.

And think about a jar of honey.
What's that? 500 grams?

If I was in charge of that hive,
"We've got an order here."

"We need a f*cking million jars of honey."

"What c**t only made one?"

Don't give it to f*cking Bobby the bee.
He's gonna do one.

- Yeah! What's up with you?
- The next c**t's doing at least five.

There probably are
a million bees that are making one each.

It's like that c**t in Schindler's List
with one arm. Don't employ him!

He's gonna f*ck it up for the Nazis!

Anyway, point is, f*ck bees.

Yeah? Horrible.

All creepy crawly. Ugh.

Okay, I mean,
this aversion to bees is frankly odd.

- What do you mean?
- There's no reason to be scared of bees.

I'm not f*cking scared of them.
I'll f*cking eat 'em.

- Well, then they will sting you.
- Good.

Let them sting me when I'm f*cking
eating 'em. I'll eat 'em faster.

- That's a good idea.
- What?

- Yeah, we'll cut out the middleman.
- What?

It doesn't matter if they make food.
They are food.

- They are food!
- Eat the bee.

- Let's eat some f*cking bees.
- Eat the bee.

- Terrible.
- Can we look for my house on the way?

Yeah! Oh yeah.

Yeah, we've got to look for… What is it?
A big road with a bridge and a church?

Yeah, maybe I can have a go on the slide
in the playground.

- [gasps] Another clue!
- There's a playground?

- [Kitten] Yeah!
- Ah.

Right, let's find a playground
near a bridge over a road, then a church.

- Yep.
- And eat some f*cking bees.

I am not on board
with the bee-eating project.

{\an8}[Gus] There's Olive.

- Hiya. You all right?
- Yeah.

- All right.
- What you doing?

Just, uh,

looking for Kitten's home.

And bees. You seen any?

- What, bees?
- [Gus] Yeah.

- What are they? Are they like wasps?
- Similar.

- What's the difference?
- They make honey.

- What do wasps do?
- Nothing.

- They do.
- They don't make anything of note.

What about giant Asian hornets?

No, they don't make
anything of note either.

All right.

Anyway, we're looking for bees

'cause we're gonna eat 'em.
Teach them a lesson.

- What do you do if they sting you?
- Great question.

- You're not meant to squeeze their sac.
- I love it when you f*cking talk dirty.

- What?
- You heard.

Do you know what I'd do if they sting me?

- What?
- Watch 'em die.

Oh, you've had a go there, boy?
And now you've ripped your guts out.

That's you. Night, night.

You buzzy little c**t.

What if they sting you en masse?

- They can all have it.
- You won't like it!

I won't like it for a… a moment.

They won't like it for eternity,
'cause that's them done.

You shot your shot. Now f*ck off.

[Kitten giggles happily]

[Ponce] Aw.

[Kitten, laughing] Ah. It's good.

They do slides where you go into water,
don't they?

- Waterslide, it's called.
- I'd hate that.

Whoo! [giggles]

What are they up to?

[Kitten grunts] Oh!

- Oh my God.
- What the f…

- You all right?
- I'm okay.

Little c**ts.

- [Kitten] It's all right.
- Nah, it's not all right.

[intense music playing]

[boy yelps]

{\an8}- [boy grunts, groans]
- [music ends]

[tuts] He won't hurt you again.

How do you know?

Let's just say
I had a little word with him.

- What did he say?
- He said…

[mimics boy groaning]

[Gus, Puke laughing]

[light, carefree music playing]

Hey, I've got one.

- Hey!
- Be careful.

[munching]

- [Gus] What's it taste like?
- Like a raisin.

Ugh. It's chewy.

[gags, squeals]

- [Gus] What?
- Oh, hang on.

My tongue's swelling up.

- She's been stung.
- Do you think?

- How's that happened?
- "How's that happened?"

How do you think it happened? She ate it.

- My throat feels constricted.
- f*cking do something!

- I can't breathe. Help!
- Calm down.

[yelps] What you doing?

I'm pissing on you.
Take the pain of the sting away.

That's jellyfish, you dopey c**t.

Honest mistake.

- Oh God. You look f*cking weird, Olive.
- [Olive gasps, groans]

Your tongue's, like, swollen up,
like, f*cking five times the size.

Ugh!

- That gives me an idea.
- What?

- Gonna get stung on the knob.
- Genius.

Not genius, technically.

Ooh, clever.
He's gonna have a lovely big knob!

Of course he won't!

He will! Look at her tongue.

Now, times that by his f*cking knob
and do the math! A huge c*ck!

Yeah, it'll be too tender
to do anything with though.

- What's it got to do with you, buddy?
- Yeah! f*cking knob expert.

He's gonna have the biggest c*ck
in the neighborhood. That's my boy.

- Why is your piss so smelly?
- Diabetic.

- Do you eat a lot of cake?
- Yeah, loads, yeah.

- Oh, there's one.
- There's one. He's off!

He's cornered it. He's got his knob out.

He's pointing his knob straight at it.

[Puke] Come on, bee. [clicks tongue]

It's all right.
Come to me, bee. Climb up my stalk.

- He's coaxing it.
- [Puke] Don't be shy.

Reverse onto my stalk.
Onto the helmet. Up to the base.

Ow! Ooh!

[groans]

Oh, bloody hell.

- He stung the ba*ls?
- Yeah. Oh well.

Close enough. Look at the size
of these bad boys.

Look. Bonus ba*ls.
You'd win the lottery with them boys.

- What you gonna do with them?
- Party.

You know what you've done there?
Just because of, like, perspective,

you've got a smaller knob now.

f*cking mega ba*ls there,
but they've pushed the c*ck into nothing.

- They are mega ba*ls.
- Doesn't last long.

[rock music playing]

- [Puke] Oh, this looks like a party.
- Yeah.

It's a shame your ba*ls have gone down.

Oh, there's Lara.

[chuckles playfully] Go on.

[groans] Hiya.

- All right?
- Yeah.

What you up to?

Just finding, uh,

kitty's home.

- Hiya.
- Yeah.

So, yeah.

- What you doing? Just…
- Just hanging out.

- Yeah? Yeah.
- Just having a party.

- Having a dance.
- [laughs awkwardly] Good.

- Do you wanna come and dance?
- Enjoy-- Nah.

Better not. We've had a bit of a day.

We were… We were eating bees,
and Olive got stung on the tongue.

- Did you?
- It really hurt.

And then Puke got stung on his ba*ls.

- Did you?
- Um…

Well, that was on purpose.

Why did you wanna
get stung on the ba*ls on purpose?

I didn't. I wanted
to get stung on the stalk.

- The what?
- My willy.

Why?

Because I wanted it to be five times
the size. Do you understand, my dear?

Wh-- No.

How did it pan out, then?

He got stung on the ba*ls,
and they blew up.

- They got big?
- To enormous proportions.

There was 25 minutes of good fun.

- Right.
- He was just waddling along.

Just going "ow"
every time they hit the ground.

It was like he was trying
to ride a space hopper.

Once again, his scheme
made him look like a right c**t.

Hm. Busy day, then?

Yeah.

Anyhoo, we'll be off.

So, sorry about that. Come on, g*ng.

[rock music continues playing]

[music ends]

[Kitten] Why don't you dance?

[Gus sighs] I prefer to watch.

Really?

[scoffs]

Hm… No.

Not really.

I prefer to dance, but…

'Cause it's more fun.

But I'm fat and old. I look stupid.

Why do you care
what you look like if it's fun?

Well,

here's the thing.

I'm sort of a role model, yeah?
The g*ng look up to me.

And if I look stupid, they won't have
a role model to look up to, so…

And I've lost my nerve a little bit,
if I'm being honest, but…

- But Lara would like to dance with you.
- Yeah, but she's fine, so…

{\an8}I can't believe
you're worried about what you look like.

{\an8}You're not scared of anything.

{\an8}You've done so much with your life.

{\an8}You're, like, the best cat
in the neighborhood.

{\an8}[Gus scoffs]

Yeah.

I've done nothing.

It's all bullshit.
"Best cat in the neighborhood."

That isn't saying much.
I'm not even sure if it's true.

I'm an average cat in an average place.

I survive day to day.
Sometimes, I'm not even sure why.

Looking after you

is the best thing I've ever done.

Really?

Yeah. Really.

Okay, let's find your home.

["A Thousand Miles"
by Vanessa Carlton playing]

[music ends]

Oh. [gasps]

Look, it's there.

- Is that your house?
- Yeah.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, that's… so that's…

That's the flowers.
I recognize the flowers, and…

That's my old toy there.

[Gus] Is it? Oh.

Oh, yeah, it's mine.

Right.

- Okay, then.
- [Kitten] Okay.

I told you we'd find your family,
kid, didn't I?

Right. [groans]
I'll go round the back and find a way in.

[grunts]

Well done, kid. Don't be a stranger, yeah?

- Yeah.
- I'll miss you, Kitten.

- [Kitten] Thanks, everyone.
- [Puke] It's been a pleasure.

[Fang] Look after yourself, okay?
Keep your chin up.

- [Kitten] All right.
- [Ponce] Good.

- [Kitten] I'll miss you all.
- [Fang] See you around though.

[poignant music playing]

[girl] Oh wow!
It's even better than the other one!

Definitely.

Uh…

Sorry, kid.

- They moved away.
- [Ponce] Oh no.

Yeah.

- Oh.
- Oh, sorry, kid.

- That's awful.
- Sorry.

- Sorry.
- I'm not sad.

Wh… what…

You're not sad

you don't have a family?

I do have a family.

[sighs happily]

Let's go home.

What was the new kitten like?

Wh…

[sighs]

Not as good as you, kid.

- Thanks, Gus.
- [both chuckle]

["Dance the Night Away"
by Van Halen playing]

[groans] Come on, Gus.

Ooh.

Mmm.

[music continues]

[exhales]

- [Gus lip-syncs]
- ♪ Have you seen her? ♪

♪ So fine and pretty
Fooled me with her style and ease ♪

♪ And I feel her from across the room ♪

♪ Yes, it's love in the third degree ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ Won't ya turn your head my way? ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ A-come on
Take a chance ♪

- [Lara lip-syncs]
- ♪ You're old enough ♪

♪ To dance the night away ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ Dance the night away ♪

[clears throat] Maybe, uh…

Maybe we should get together.

For what?

Well,

you know…

Oh.

You know, have kittens and that.

Yeah. Um…

I don't have testes.

- What?
- ba*ls. I've got no ba*ls.

- I'm not bothered about ba*ls.
- Hm.

- As long as you've got a c*ck.
- But you understand what it means?

- What?
- Well, I don't have those urges.

And

obviously, kittens would be impossible.

- Oh, right.
- Mm.

- [Puke] Hey.
- Have you got ba*ls?

- Yeah.
- See you.

Cool.

- Anyone wanna dance?
- No, definitely not.

- f*ck that.
- I'll dance with you, kid.

- Eh, you soft twat.
- Proper nonce.

[laughs] Stop it. Come on!

- Let's do this!
- [Kitten whoops, giggles]

Just us two now, innit?

- Sat here.
- [Fang] Yeah.

Couple of c**ts.

We never amounted to anything.

Speak for yourself. I k*lled a kid today.

- Is he definitely dead?
- Well, I heard his neck break.

If he's not dead,
he's a f*cking vegetable.

[laughing]

[Puke sighs]

- We'll all be dead soon.
- Yep.

♪ Dance the night away ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance the night away ♪

- ♪ Come on, baby ♪
- ♪ Dance the night away ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance the night away ♪

♪ Oh, come on, baby, baby ♪

♪ Dance the night away ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪