04x23 - Town of No Exit

[bunniefuu]

[wind whistling]

[distant piano music]

♪♪

MAN [Irish accent]: Hey, now!
Don't forget the boots, now.

Ah, yes.

How do I look, Maggie?

Dandy.

[laughs]

[mouthing words]

[blows nose]

Play the music, love.

I'm sick of it.

Play the bleedin' music,
love!

No! It's dumb!

I don't believe it.

♪♪ ["Drink To Me
Only With Thine Eyes"]

♪ Drink to me only

♪ With thine eyes

♪ And I will pledge
with mine ♪

The immortal bleedin' song
of Ben Jonson...

and you say it's dumb!

[player piano continues]

Dumb.

Oh h*! Well!

-You don't like my music,
is that it?
-[Maggie giggling]

Well, I'll have to teach you
a thing or two!

Or three!

You don't like my music?!

Oh, here comes a tiger! Ha ha!

[giggling]

I'll teach ya about music
and the finer things in life!

Oh, shush.
Shush, shush.

Is there a customer
coming?

♪♪ [theme]

Bang.

I coulda shot ya, mate.

No need. Just helping myself
to a little water.

Well, now, that water,

it's gonna cost you a dollar,
you know.

We've been having trouble
with bandits up here lately,

nasty brutes that they are.

Have to protect ourselves,
you know.

Didn't steal these, did you?

Bought 'em.

You did? How much
did they cost?

Who's your friend?

Oh, him. That's Haunch,
you know,

he's daft, he is.
Runs when anybody comes.

How many citizens
this town got?

Well, there's five of us.

There's Brown,
he's the attorney at law,

and there's Quita,
and there's Maggie.

Now, that's her.

And there's myself.

Used to be 3,000 here
before the mine shut down.

Of course,
I wasn't here then.

Brown was here then
and Quita was here then,

but I wasn't.

Oh, did you see this?

Now, that was given to me
by the Duchess of Albany.

Sergeant Major,


That's real nice.

Aye, that it is.

Well, that's a dollar
for the water.

I'm afraid it's our
only civic income.

Well, that's cheap enough.

-Much obliged.
-Thank you.

Now, the hay's a quarter,
it's a shilling a head,

which would make
six bob for the lot,

or as you might say,
two dollars.

That's reasonable,
but I'm sorry,
I won't be staying.

Well, you can't go
without having a drink
and meeting Maggie.

Maggie, darlin',
come here!

And we'll share a drop,
just one gentleman to another.

Maggie Delaney,
the prettiest lady
in all of Nevada.

Nice to meet you, Maggie.

Pleasure, I'm sure.

I'm sure you'll share a drop
to friendship the world over

and to travelers met
on a lonely road.

-I won't take no
for an answer.
-MAGGIE: Come on!

Well, maybe one drink
might not be that bad.

Well, fine!
Step inside.

But, uh, better
take care of my horses.

Well, your horses
won't fly away.

Good times and friendship do,
but horses never do.

Quita!

Quita!

She's a marvelous girl.

She rode with Benito Juarez,
you know.

Quita!

When you get the gentleman's
horses stabled,

come on inside
and join us for
a drink, darlin'.

-Do you like
Irish whiskey?
-Oh, you bet.

Well, I got a bottle.

And, man,
wait till I show you
my player piano.

I can hardly wait.

Oh, we're just
starved around here
for new faces.

♪♪ ["Yankee Doodle"]

[laughs]

To the union of the states...

and God bless the flag.

Did you say
this was Irish whiskey?

Brewed from an Irishman's
brass button, sour mash rye,

and drifted through
the finest hickory charcoal.

-Sure tastes like mescal.
-Mescal?

Maggie!
Is this mescal,

or the finest
Irish whiskey?

Mescal.

[laughs]

Well, then, you--

Well, you caught me in a lie.

A lie compounded of
necessity and privation,
mind ya.

-Well, it's not bad mescal.
-Well, thank you.

Why do you hang around
a town like this for?

A man with your charm
should do well in
a fair-sized place.

Well, now,
that's very kind of you,

but you see, out there,
that's all mine.

I'm what you might call
a big frog in a dry puddle.

[laughs]

You see, in here
on this floor here,

I matter, I, uh,

I exist, I... I rule.

-Hey.
-All right, now,
take it easy.

You don't want to spill
your guts out on that floor,
do ya?

Anything you say.

I got $40 in my
right front pocket.

Maggie, darlin',
would you check out
the gentleman's offer?

And, uh, you can
lower that cannon,

because I'm not about to
get reckless over $40.

Oh, is that right?

Well, just what would it take
to get you reckless?

Well, uh, quite a bit.

Oh, really? I thought
you might say that.

Have you met Mr. Brown here?

That man with the big r*fle.

Elias Brown.
He's an attorney at law,
ya know.

Forty-three dollars.

Forty-three dollars?

Well, that's a good lump, then.

Now, at the end of
that leather thong
you've got there,

you wouldn't happen to
have a watch, would you?

Do you mind if
I take a look at it?

Well, not at all.

It, uh, cost me $18,
but it's not worth
getting shot for.

No, I guess not.

But then, tell me,
what is?

Well, at this minute,
I can't think of a thing.

Well, you see this here?

This scar I've got right here...

you see that?
It goes all the way down.

It was given to me
by a bloody Gurkha.

I didn't have to take
his watch from him for that.

-Oh, really?
-I called him a pig.

I told him to eat one.
He took it as
a religious insult.

You've got no problem here.
I got nothing against pigs.

Well, we don't have
no pigs here, ya know.

Oh.

Well, uh, I want to
thank you for the drink.

By the way,
there's no hard feelings.

I suppose you people
need the money
more than I do.

So I'll just go out
and tend my horses
and be on my way.

Oh, well, we're gonna
sh**t your horses.

[laughs]

Don't worry, chico,
we don't k*ll anybody's horses.

Put out your hands.

What's the sense in those?
You've already got my $40.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Now, you don't seem
to understand--
those are handcuffs.

Elias Brown is an officer
of the fifth Nevada
judicial district.

You're under arrest.

Arrest for what?

Prepare the prisoner
for trial!

-Wait--
-[Maggie cackling]

[all laughing]

Here now! Be careful!

Don't do that,
you nasty girl!

Come on now,
get up here.

Get over in the chair,
prisoner.

Quita! Get away.

Wasting good Irish whiskey
like that. You oughta
be ashamed of yourself.

I got the crown!

[women laughing]

Order in the court!

Judiciary term,
fifth district court,

territory of Nevada
is now in session.

Honorable Judge Elias Brown
presiding. All rise.

[giggling]

Get up, get up.

Members of the court,
witnesses,

prisoner at the bar,

all rules and procedures
of the fifth district court

will be adhered to.

Be seated.

Clean the prisoner's face!

And instruct the bailiff
that this kind of
disorderly appearance

will not be permitted.

Are there any charges
against the prisoner?

Yes, your honor.

What are the charges?

Forcible r*pe,
your honor.

[women laughing]

And horse stealing,
your honor.

I see.

And your honor,

this here money was found
on the person of the prisoner.

Now, he took a man,
hit him over the head
and robbed him

and left him for dead
by the roadside.

Are there witnesses,
Mr. Conway?

That's Sergeant Major Conway,
if you don't mind, your honor.

Yes, there is a witness.
It's myself.

Are there
any further charges?

Yes, your honor. m*rder.

m*rder!

[all laugh]

Oh, you poor dear.

Get yourself up.

Oh, you poor fella.

You didn't fall, did ya?

CONWAY:
Now, ladies and gentlemen,

what we have here is a brutal,

savage
misrepresentation of facts!

Guilt by degree of
the basest instinct of man.

Now, this form of vermin here

that has in himself
the divine spark of God's rule

and human decency
and love of country

and the highest
calling of man!

m*rder!

[cheering]

Order in the court!

Order in the court.

[bell dings]

Sorry to bother you,
but you got a customer.

You do have a room?

Ten of 'em.
Nobody's here
except you.

You mean you haven't seen
anybody ride into town today

with a string of horses?

Nope. Not up 'til
when I took a doze.

Who you lookin' for?

My brother.
He's supposed to
meet me here.

Haven't seen him.

Take any room you want.
Fifty cents.

Heath Barkley...

-is this your bill of sale?
-Yes.

Nevada Merchants
and Farmers Bank,

bill of credit,
the Barkley ranch.

-Is that your ranch?
-My family's.

-How many acres is it?
-30,000.

-How much is it worth,
all of it?
-Enough.

There you are, your honor!

A flagrant example of
trying to bribe the court!

I recommend that the defendant
be fined $2,000, or hanged!

[cheering]

Order!
Order in the court!

Remand the prisoner
to the care of the bailiff

while the court studies
the disposition

of the fiduciary motion.

The fiduc--the fiduc--
the fiduciary what?!

Order in the court!
Order in the court!

Order in the court!
Order in the court!

-Order in the court!
-Order!

Order in the court!

Let's hang him!

The bailiff will
remove the prisoner.

Fifth district court,
territory of Nevada,

is now in recess.

All rise.

All right, get up,
get up, get up.

All right.

Halt! m*rder*r, stop!

Don't worry,
we'll catch him.

Come on!

MAGGIE:
♪ I wish I had a baby

♪ A dear sweet
baby child ♪

♪ I'd wrap him
all in ribbon ♪

♪ So soft and sweet
and mild ♪

♪ I'd wrap him
all in ribbon ♪

♪ So soft and sweet
and mild ♪

[humming melody]

Maggie.

Maggie!

Don't talk to me!

Seems to me
a lady as pretty as you

shouldn't oughta be taking
a bath in a horse trough.

If I had you in Stockton
right now

I'd buy you five of
the prettiest dresses
you ever saw.

Some sweet-smellin' perfume,

a nice buggy to ride in...

Maggie.

I got a beautiful
pearl stick-pin.

It was hidden in my shirt.

You can have it
if you want.

Well, let me see it.

Come here.

If you've got a pearl stick-pin,
you'd show it to me.

You haven't got one.

Oh, yeah. Get the key
and come inside.

[laughs]

Boy, do you think I'm dumb!

I must look like
the dumbest girl
since Fanny Applesauce.

All right...
look at that.

Oh! Throw it here.

Unh-unh. Get the key,
come inside.

What do you want me
to come inside for?

Well, I haven't had a woman
to talk to in more than a month.

I can't get in.

Sure you can.

Just unlock the door.
You can lock us both in.

You sure you want to
talk to me?

What about?

About what
a good-lookin' woman you are

and about this 14 karat gold
pearl stick-pin.

Maybe you wouldn't give me
the pin if I got you the key.

Well, try me.

Conway would kick us both
if he caught us here now.

Where is he?

Oh, who cares!
Give me the pin!

Unh-unh.

You gotta come inside.

I won't come in,

but how'd you like this?

That's it.
That's it, ducky,
use that key.

Use the key.

[laughs]

What s the matter, love?
Is it the wrong key?

Ah, now...

well, now, you
didn't think that...

we'd be hanging the right key

up on a hook out here, did you?

I'll k*ll you!

You're a nasty fella,
you know.

You'll k*ll me, will ya?
You'll do that?

Well, just for that
you're not gettin' out,

not till we have to hang you.

Why, you're gonna
k*ll me for $40?

Well, no, we wouldn't
k*ll you for $40.

Would you like me
to tell you why?

I'll tell ya.

You see,
they're all daft,
all of them, you know.

Brown was a lawyer
and a town judge,

he made a quarter
of a million dollars in the mine
before they had to close down.

He took all that money
and put it back in
to keep them going.

Poor fella, you know.

And Haunch, well,
he worked for him.

He was the bailiff
and the hangman.

And Quita
I told you about.

She rode with Benito Juarez.

But she had
one battle too many.

And Maggie, poor darlin',

she entertained the miners
one after the other,

and finally one day
they found her

running up and down
the alley outside

making noises like a bird.

But you see, I'm really
the only one who's not barmy.

I'm a sergeant major,
Her Majesty's Army.

I trod the boards once too,
you know.

But at present I'm wanted
for a small thing...

called desertion and m*rder.

You know,
there's not many places
far enough away a man can go

when he's wanted
for murdering an officer
of Her Majesty's Army.

So what's the point
of all this?

Well, everybody's entitled
to a full life,
don't you think?

And they enjoy it.
I invent the games,
and they play it.

Now, Brown, he's a judge.

He's entitled to full honor
and dignity.

Haunch...

Haunch has got kind of
a religious turn to him,
you know.

Maggie, now, she'll be playing
a variety of parts,

which I'm sure you'll see.

Quita, she keeps up her
interest with the horses.

But they're all mad,
you know.

Every last one of them.

But I take care of them,
and they take care of me.

It's, uh, kind of
like a business,

very little profit
in it, though,

because...

well, because we haven't
hung too many yet.

[distant music plays]

♪♪

Quita!

CONWAY: Quita!

[door opens]

Señor...

I want to talk to you.

Will you talk to me?

What about?

I want to go away.

Oh. [scoffs]

Look, lady, your girlfriend's
already played the key game.

What's yours?

No, señor.I want to
go away from here.

I will help you.

Oh. Well, go find the key
and unlock the door.

I can't.
Conway has it.

Well, what other game
can we play?

I'm not playing a game.

I have to get away from here.

I'm going to have a child.

Please, señor.

I have no place to go...
nobody.

Who's the father? Conway?

No, señor.

A man who came here.

He was k*lled.

I can't raise my baby
in this place. Please!

If you're telling the truth,
there's a sheriff at Dorado.

Go tell him.

I would go to prison.

I know you don't believe me.

But you have a family.
You could help me.

Can you get me a g*n?

I can't.
Conway would k*ll me.

All right.

I have a brother
meeting me at Dorado.

His name is Jarrod Barkley.
He's there now.

Go tell him.
He won't hurt you.

All right, we'll hang him.

Now, first we'll have
the sentencing.

You'll play the weeping widow
at the gallows,

and then we'll have the reprieve
with the governor's pardon.

-We did that last time.
-Never mind,
we'll do it again.

-Have you got your
black dress, love?
-The petticoat's torn.

Never mind about that.

You tell Haunch now
to garrote the rope
and the buckboard,

and don't forget
to wear your robe, now.

Why can't I play
the telegram
and the reprieve?

No, stupid!

You're playing
the bereaved wife,

you sweet bird that ya are.

[horse snorts]

Any sign of my brother
with those horses yet?

-Not yet.
-I see.

Well, do you happen to know
where a man can get

a good cigar around here?

Come on, I'll show you.
I need a little fresh air.

Now, you can get a smoke
over there at the saloon,

but I recommend
Don Gordon's store.

Oh. Well, I guess
I can find that all right.

Thank you very much.

Señor,I am looking
for a man.

Señor,there is a man
I have to find.

Huh.

This looks like
Sam Dekoven's pinto.

That's his brand.

Lady, you and me
are going down and talk to--

Get off this--

Ah---

Stop! Stop! Horse thief!

Go get that girl!

[sniffling]

Oh, no, your honor!

Please! Please don't hang him,
your honor!

Now, don't forget,
we're not going to hang you,

we're doing what's called
the governor's reprieve.

At the last minute
we get a telegram
from the governor,

and in that telegram it says
you're going to be pardoned.

Don't forget that, now.

HAUNCH: Blessed are
the tents of the Lord,

the flocks
of the field...

Please!

Please, your honor,

don't hang him!

-No! No!
-[Haunch reading scripture]

I'll do anything to save him!
Anything!

-Anything?
-Yes, I'll submit
to anything!

He's the father
of my children!

What about
your marriage vows?

[Haunch muttering prayers]

Redemption...

redemption in his holy blood,

amen.

Will the prisoner
mount the scaffold?

Prisoner will please
mount the scaffold!

The governor's reprieve.
Get up there, now.

That's it.

There he is, your honor!
The prisoner's on the scaffold

just waiting to get
his neck stretched.

Is the hangman
present?

Here, your honor.

A five-dollar fee
for you, hangman.

And make the knot tight.

Thank you,
your honor.

Have you anything to say
before the sentence
of the court

is carried out
upon you?

No, no, your honor!

You can't hang this man!

He's the father
of my children!

What will my children do?

There, there,
Maggie darlin'.

Play the game.

Yes, your honor.

Is there any word from
the governor on the reprieve?

Well, there's a lot of mud
and bad roads between here
and Sacramento.

Might be that the stage
won't even get through.

Now, you confess,
you black-hearted m*rder*r,

and you tell them
about the widow

and them orphans
and all that.

Well, it's like he says...

there's a widow
and her orphaned children.

Well, I-- well, I shot 'em.

D-Down in Bisbee.

Yeah, it was Bisbee,
Bisbee, Arizona, I--

I remember because there was
a mountain outside of town.

There was a sheriff there
named-- named Dave, uh, Wallace.

That night, I, uh--

well, I was riding
a roan horse, and--

and, uh...

well, I went to
the livery stable, and--

Enough of this stalling!
Let justice be served!

You're quite right.
It's time.

Hangman, carry out
the sentence!

But... what about
the re-reprieve?

Oh! Just a minute, now!

Just a minute.

It says here that
there'll be no pardon
from the governor.

-[laughing]
-You said it was a game!

[laughing]

Oh! Oh--

My poor,
poor darling!

Oh, they saved you!
You're saved!

Well, your honor,
the reprieve did
come through.

It was just a bad case
of misreadin' on my part.

The man's not to be
hung at all.

His case will be taken
under advisement

by the judicial
court of appeals.

Hangman, assist the bailiff in
returning the prisoner to court.

Yes, your honor.

I'll give a hand here
myself.

Ah, you're a lucky man,
mate, there.

-[coughing]
-The governor's pardon
comin' through like that.

You could have been hung,
you know.

You know, I almost
got hung myself once.

The commanding general
sent down my release

at the last possible moment.

Don't you ever let
a thing like that
happen to you.

There ya are, ya...

Dear fella,
there ya are.

Almost as good as new.

Come on, honey,

you just come along
with Maggie.

You're all right now.

Easy, baby, easy.

Hey.

Hey, Quita.

Where you been, love?

I've got to rub down
the horse before
she go lame.

Oh, well, lame as
a fiddler's pitch, of course,

sweet animals that they are.

And that would be awful,
wouldn't it?

Come over here!

Now, where did you go?

-Don't!
-I'll throw you through
the bleedin' barn wall!

-Now, where did you go?
-For a ride!

Where? Dorado?

Is that where you went,
you little pig?

You want to get that stupid,
pretty neck of yours stretched?

They'll hang ya
and bury ya, I tell ya!

Your only chance
is here with me,
do you understand?

With me! Ya miserable,
worthless loon, you!

Please stop!
My baby! My baby!

You're not havin'
no baby!

I told you five times
in the two years you been here

you're not havin' no baby!

-I am! I am!
-You're not!

[groaning]
I am! I am! I am!

[sobbing]

I am....

[sobbing]

I am, I am...

There.

Come on now...

Quita, you're--

Come inside.
Come on now, darlin'.

Stop, stop.
Shh, shh, shh.

Stop your crying.

You see, love...

now, I don't want you
going nowhere by yourself

without telling me, love.

It's all right.

You're not having
no baby, either.

Understand that,
you're not having no baby.

No, you just stop that,
darlin', go on.

You stop that crying.

But I-- But I do, Conway,

and I feel bad, awful bad.

Hush, hush.

I know that.
You're gonna--
You'll be fine.

I tell you what.

We'll go find Maggie,

and I'll get
a drink for ya,

and I'll play you
some music, love.

All right?

Come on, darling.

Here, honey,
you just drink this.

You're gonna be
all right.

Now, you just
lie back there...

and you're gonna feel
a whole lot better
after you get some rest.

Ah.

Oh...

that nasty rope.

We'll have to get something
to put on it,

it'll help a lot.

MAGGIE:
There, honey.

Doesn't that feel good?
Huh?

You like that?

Does that make it
feel better, baby?

Huh?
You like that?

Hmm?
You like that?

[laughs softly]

Conway!

Shhh!

Sergeant Major Conway,

if you don't mind.

The judicial appeals court
could render a decision--

We'll finish him
in the morning.

In the morning the prisoner
will have a sharper appetite
of expectation

which will make his release
from this life

all the more poignant.

Make sure
everything is ready.

[crickets chirping]

[snoring]

[bed creaks]

[creaks]

[floorboard creaks]

Mr. Barkley.

Now, what is it? Are you
going to feed the horses?

[g*nsh*t]

Conway, don't!

No!

[g*nsh*t]

It was his doing,
not mine.

I didn't want to...

Well, finish up, your honor,
we got a long ride ahead of us.

Was she, uh...

she told me she was
gonna have a baby.

Was she?

No.

She always said that right
after we k*lled someone.

She felt so terrible.

The only thing
that would help

was to pretend
she was going to have
the poor man's child.

She took a life...

and now she was
giving one back.

That was crazy, wasn't it?

HAUNCH: Blessed are
the tents of the Lord...

the flocks of the field...

verily, verily,
I say unto you

redemption...

redemption
in his holy name.

[wind whistling]

♪♪ [theme]