07x01 - Shotgun Wedding: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Marion, we're only gonna be gone for three days.

I'm only bringing what we need.

Oh, this is the most ridiculous.

Let's thank Peter.

Let's say goodbye here.

Are you sure you're not gonna mind me
dating this weekend, Rich?

Me?

Oh, you silly goose.

I'm gonna be with my parents, so you go
ahead and you have a good time.

Well, Fonzie will be up there too.

Right, I might have to find him a date.

Find Fonzie a date.

Boy, I'm gonna miss that sense of humor.

Oh.

Hi, Fonz.

Hi, Fonz.

I'll load up the car.

Right.

You got it?

Yeah.

Hey.

Fonz, you gonna ride up to Lake Pinewood with us?

No, I'm gonna take my bike.

Four wheels make me very nervous.

Oh, yeah, dumb question.

Well, bon voyage, Fonz.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you believe in destiny, Ray?

I believe in everything a little bit, Fonz.

Good.

A mile away from Pinewood Lake lies the Bumper Guard Farm.

That's good to know.

Thank you, Fonz.

Well, I'll see you up there.

And on that farm is Helga and Inga.

E-I-E-I-O, really.

That makes sense.

I better get going, Fonz.

I gotta get this suitcase.

I wanna tell you, this is an opportunity of a lifetime.

We're talking two luscious milkmaids.

We're talking legends.

Who are so, so lonely it could make you cry.

Can we let those women stay that lonely?

Well, Fonz, I don't know.

I... Helga and Inga.

Oh.

Yeah, they are gorgeous.

Why are they lonely?

Very strict, Fonz.

Yeah?

Fonz, I can't see the whole article.

Could you move your hand?

Just a stupid headline, Rich.

Dairy farmer shoots Tupperware salesman.

Enraged father, Vernon Bumpergard, yesterday shot...

Fonz, that man is more than strict.

He didn't mean it.

Listen, by the time you get up to Pinewood
Lake, I will have a foolproof plan.

E-I, E-I, O...

Isn't this breathtaking, Howard?

Look at the beautiful lake.

Yeah, I hope the fish are biting.

I hope the mosquitoes aren't.

Richard, why don't you come down to the lake with us?

Maybe we'll see some g*ons.

That's loons, Marion.

Oh, yes, who goes to Holly?

No thanks, Mom.

I'm gonna write Lori Beth a letter.

Well, you'll beat the letter home, Rich.

Yeah, and when that letter arrives, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Hey, what, you gonna go fishing or something?

Eh, maybe.

Your mother and I have a bet on to see how
long it takes before Joanie spots... I see hunks!

I lose.

Howard, you should have... I've known better.

Hunks are everywhere.

Hey, look, they're surveyors.

Yes, they are, and they're certainly surveying Joanie.

They'll be for long.

Hi, fellas!

I see you've met my almost 17-year-old daughter.

Here we are, Lake Pinewood.

Fonz, this is an aerial map.

Yeah, that's correct.

We're gonna go along this highway here up
over the hill into the bar.

How did you get an aerial photograph of
the Boomer Guard farm?

Lindbergh.

You know Charles Lindbergh?

Who's talking Charles?

I'm talking Ramona Lindbergh and her crop duster.

All right, all right.

So now, uh, how do we get into the barn?

Who is the greatest buffalo hunter of all time?

Buffalo Bill.

Wrong.

Cy McClintock.

How do you get the name?

Put on a buffalo hide and he tiptoed through the herd.

All right?

Dig this.

Oh, no.

No, Fonz.

Really, I don't.

Your normal cow suits.

Great.

Fonzie, I cannot do this.

I want you to picture those two girls and their dreaming.

Can you see them?

Yeah, they are cute.

Yeah, I agree.

Can you see Helga on the left?

No, Helga's on the right.

How silly of me.

Oh, that's all right.

That's all right, Fonz.

And you know what they're dreaming about, Cunningham?

No, what?

They're dreaming about two red-blooded American boys.

They're dreaming about us.

It's the 60s.

Cunningham, a new Vista, a new Frontier,
and I wanted to share this experience with you.

Thank you, Fonz.

Thank you for this opportunity.

Let's get in the cow suit.

Which end am I?

I should have known.

All right.

Cowhead, you're going to muss my hair.

It's worth it.

Test run.

It's pretty dark in here, Fonz.

Trust me.

Trust me.

All right.

Fonz?

What happens if a bull comes up behind us?

If I were in your position, I'd make friends.

How far to the farm, Fonz?

Let's see.

Oh, yeah, there's the barn over there.

Okay, Richie.

We're on the way.

Check the rear.

The father, Fonz.

Remember, the father.

I think the coast is clear.

You can cut the moose.

Cut the moose.

Quite fine.

Are you sure the coast is clear?

Just get out of there.

Yeah, fine.

Let's recon the chicks.

Huh?

Do you see him, Fonz?

Do you see him?

Long stem, beauty's aunt.

Okay, yeah, all right.

Here, let me see him, Fonz.

Can I see him?

Can I see him?

Oh, sorry.

Long stem.

Breathtaking, huh?

Taking my breath away.

What do you see?

I see two barrels, both 12 Gauge.

See you back in Milwaukee, Fonz.

Come on.

Hi.

Hi.

Yeah, right.

Not up there.

Why not?

I don't know.

In here, in here.

Darn, I sure wish another Tupperware
salesman would show up.

Yeah, and I know what I'd do with him.

What?

I'd grab him, hug him, and kiss him.

Then Pa would show up and sh**t him.

Oh, Inga.

I'm so desperate.

I'm desperate for a man.

Me too.

What's going on in there?

It's your best, Pa.

I thought I heard a noise.

Well, give me a hand outside moving the
cheese into the root cellar.

Come on, move for long.

I guess we should have some voice.

We know, we know.

Did you hear that?

They are waiting for us.

Yeah, and my lips are ready for them.

She loves me.

She loves me now.

No time for that sh*t.

Let's get a foolproof plan.

And to get past that pot.

Okay.

So, uh, what's the idea, Fonz?

All right, the idea is to get into this to get out of here.

Oh, that's a good idea.

It's almost milking time.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter, Fonz?

Uh, put yourself in high gear.

I'll explain later.

Is something wrong, Fonz?

Trust me, Reg.

Just trust me.

You better think about the best you can think of.

Take a look at this.

The bull is chasing some funny-looking cow
across the field.

There'll be stinging, Fonz.

I think they're bees.

Bees?

Yes, they're bees.

Nobody get a lot more than a sting if you
don't get over that fence.

Climb, Cunningham.

Climb.

Oh, ow.

Oh.

My ankle, Red.

Oh.

You know, you girls are lifesavers.

Imagine running into Laverne and Shirley.

Okay, let's see what we've got here.

One swollen ankle and a bunch of bee stings.

I'll have this fixed up in a jiffy.

You think he's flooring?

It's nightingale.

Ooh, look at this swelling coming up right
through the cow pants.

Girl, that's his wallet.

First things first, we've got to rip these pants off.

Oh, I wouldn't mind leaving the stingers in.

Then I'm going to need a needle about yay, little... Fonz!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Shirley, ice works just as well.

Let's find some ice.

Oh, okay, okay, good idea.

Laverne, would you do something here without a needle?

Sure.

What are you walking so fast for?

I'm limping here.

I'm sorry, what would you want me to do?

Limp two.

Oh, of course.

Limp, limp.

You know the simplest way to get the stinger out?

Oh.

Shake it out.

Oh, what a shock.

Shock?

Please don't go into shock.

I don't know nothing about shock.

Oh, I know you can't.

Laverne, I don't think I'm in shock.

What do you mean?

I've never been in shock.

Warm, warm.

Keep them warm.

Body warm.

That's it.

Oh, make it easy.

Make it easy.

Maybe I'm in a little shock.

Oh, that's a boy.

That's a boy.

Well, well, well.

Well, well.

I was cold.

You want me to throw another girl on you?

He was shockish.

No, she was only trying to keep me warm.

Would you please get off so I can put the ice cubes on?

Okay, but I'm telling you, Fonz,
crushed ice keeps it a lot cooler.

Okay, let's take care of Fonzie's ankle now.

Poor ankle.

Girls, I am not a package.

Oh, what a charmer, what a wit.

I'm not a package.

What are you doing?

Leverne, what are you doing?

Taking his temperature.

I just don't believe you.

Where's your professional medical attitude, huh?

Cheryl.

I'm sorry, Fonzie.

It's only hurt for a moment.

Cheryl.

Now, what do you want me to do?

I want you to go over and check on the
Cunningham boy's swelling, all right?

You go do that.

How do you feel?

I may be in a little shock.

Okay.

There I go.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, it's cold!

You know something?

If you're good, I'm authorized to give you
either a balloon or a lollipop.

Balloon?

I'm kidding.

Now, if my memory serves me correctly,
we just take the boot off very soon.

Oh!

Well, then that must be very quickly.

Excuse me.

Would you follow me?

Yeah.

Just a minute.

Yeah.

I don't know what I'm doing!

I can't get the boot off!

I don't know what to do!

Why don't you just go over there and cut it off?

Hey!

I've got it.

You grab one part of him.

I'll grab the other part.

We'll just ease it off very gently, okay?

Okay.

Easy does it.

Come on, sit down.

Easy does it.

Here we go.

I'll do anything you want, just don't keep
throwing me at Richie no more.

You got it?

Are you alright?

I'm fine.

You sure?

I'm sure.

Okay.

I got it.

Watch it, I got it.

Watch it, here we go.

Oh, here, let me help you out.

No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Don't touch me.

You know, I think those stingers are
coming out all by themselves.

Hey, hey, that's true.

The stingers are coming out all by themselves.

Wow, bravo.

Okay, now I've got to wrap that ankle.

Let me see.

I'm going to need a bandage and some...

What are you doing?

I don't know.

You don't have a bandage.

You want to cause him to have a relapse?

Okay, let me wrap it.

I'll wrap it.

I want to wrap it.

I'm the senior candy stripper.

Girls, girls.

Can I have my balloon now?

Look, I'll wrap it.

You do what you do best.

Do your bedside manner.

Talk him out of the pain and things like that.

How you doing, G.I.?

Want to write a letter home?

Tell him how good the w*r's going?

Huh?

Got any extra nylon?

Some chocolate?

No, I don't got any chocolate.

I got one question.

What?

What are you doing here in the first place?

Uh, well, uh, we came up here with my pop
for a vacation, and he didn't have any

cabins, and my pop's too old to sleep in a tree.

Well, that's easy.

You helped us.

I'll help you.

Roscoe's Wigwam City.

Roscoe's Wig...

Wigwam?

Yeah, at least you'll have a roof over your head.

Even if it is a little pointed.

I'm feeling much better.

All right, there we go.

Let's see what we did.

Uh, why don't we test it out on our patient here?

Just get a...

Cheryl!

Cheryl, you got my hand tied!

I didn't!

Wait!

Laverne!

Fonz!

Laverne!

Fonz!

This is no time for hero worship.

My hand is stuck.

My hand is stuck.

My hand is stuck.

My hand is stuck.

You're gonna k*ll him!

Leave him alone!

Look what you did!

You ruined my bandage is what you did!

You wrapped my hand in this stupid sandwich!

I most certainly did not.

I just came here to help.

What are you talking about?

You're the reason you stopped it because
you thought it was a wounded cow.

I did not!

You did so!

How dare you say that?

You went moo-moo!

I went ooh-ooh.

I saw her in the middle of the room.

I went ooh-ooh.

I went ooh-ooh.

I couldn't have passed.

Don't!

I'm sorry.

I'm not going to do that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Those are nice girls.

How's your ankle, Ponce?

Hey, surprisingly good.

How's your B area?

Not bad.

Don't you think you ought to tell me this foolproof plan?

Hold it right there.

Here.

I think you asked me just a little late.

Vernon Bumpergard?

That's Bumpergard.

Yeah, whatever.

FBI.

You don't look like FBI men.

Yeah, right.

We're undercover.

Yeah, sure.

Let's see some identification.

Who wants to see identification?

We don't have any.

We don't have any because we're undercover.

Yeah, they won't let us carry identification.

Are you kidding?

Right.

Look, the reason we're here, we're here that
you make the best cheese in this entire state.

Hey.

He says.

Did I tell him?

I guess so.

President of the United States, John Kennedy.

The president likes my cheese.

All right, the president's driving through.

The president?

Here?

Yes, and he would very much be honored if
he would bring some of your cheese personally.

Elmo's gas station, one hour.

He'd be there.

I'll go right now.

Oh, and if he's late, wait for him.

Yeah.

Fonz, Fonz, you were great.

You weren't so bad yourself.

Are you sure you saw him headed this way?

He'll be here any minute.

Richie, I tell you something, I feel like Caesar.

I came, I saw, and I'm about to come.

Hail Caesar.

Hail, hail, the g*ng's all here.

I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm delighted.

Fonz, which one do you want?

Fonz?

Radio, turn on some music.

Yeah.

You guys want to dance.

I love to dance.

Oh, right.

Would one of you care to dance?

Dance?

Hailga, dance.

Oh, good.

Hailga, show them.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You like Helga dance?

Fonz?

Yeah.

Maybe you better take Helga.

Sure.

Oh, I bet you kissed girls before.

Once, twice, who remembers?

I heard if you kiss a man right, he pass out.

Yeah, but I'm one rough, tough guy.

Oh, please, may I try it again?

Well, it'll make you feel better.

You stay away from my daughters.

All right.

And you take your Tupperware with you.

Helga, Inga, I just got another one.

Did you see that, Fonz?

Let's get out of here, Cunningham, and F-A-S-T.

Faster, faster.

All right, take it nice and slow.

Come on, slower.

Slower.

Slower.

Yeah.

Fonz, come on.

That was too close for me.

That's just about far enough.

Fonz, come on.

Fonzie, please tell me you said that.

Well, I'd love to, Rich, but I can't.

What a snowy job, trying to fool a boomer guard.

You come here, young fella.

You soiled my daughters.

You know what that means?

Now, panini, what the d*ck is she doing?

Well, you're going to sh**t at my feet, aren't you?

No, I'm not.

You're not?

No.

You, too, are going to marry my girls.

I'd much rather have you sh**t at my feet.

No, no, look, these girls, hey, girls,
girls, you don't want to marry us, do you?

Oh, yeah.

I got to be totally honest.

I got a bum leg.

I can't rotate crops.

Sir, Vern, from the most sincerest part of me,
I would love to marry your daughter, but I can't.

What do you mean you can't?

We are engaged.

To who?

That's to him.

He didn't mean it.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it just slipped out.

I am betrothed to one Laverne DeFazio.

And, uh, right, uh, Shirley Feeney,
yeah, we're practically married.

Aw.

Come on, Pa, make him marry us.

Make him kiss us again.

We'll settle this, you with the apple pie face.

Where are your fiancés?

Oh, in Pinewood Lake.

Yeah, yeah, pining away for us.

I need proof.

You go get them.

I don't go anywhere without my friend.

One man can travel faster alone.

Laverne, Shirley, you bring them here.

Right.

Quick.

You move, young fella.

If you ain't back here in one hour, your
friend have more holes in him than his fish.

Jeez.

My life is in your feet, Richie.

Well, you're in good hands, Fonz.

I mean, feet.

I can really walk.

Well, you get out of here.

Yeah, right.

Mistake, mistake.

Stay with Fonz.

Stay with Fonz.

There it is.

Sitting there.

Crossing legs.

Hands on knees.

That young fella better run fast.

If he ain't back here in one hour,
it'll be Fern and Constitution.

What?

Curtains for you.

What's the matter, Fish?

Don't you like worms?

Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

Come quick!

Fonzie's in trouble!

Don't worry, Richie!

I'm coming!

Hey, how you doing?

Let me ask you a question.

Are you biting?

Fonzie, I haven't got time to talk to you.

I'm going to talk to you now.

Fonzie's in big trouble.

Wait a minute.

Either Richie's crazy, I'm crazy, or you're crazy.

Now, which one is it?

I don't think anybody's crazy, Mr. C.

I've got to find Richie.

Where is he?

Well, he just ran by here hysterically looking for you.

He just ran by.

He left me an hour ago.

I've got to buy that boy a compass.

Well, what happened?

You won't believe this.

We were in this halo with some girls, right?

Then the father comes in and he says,
Hey, I'm going to k*ll you.

And if you don't marry my daughters, right?

So then Richie escaped.

Leaves me facing a double barrel shotgun.

It's a very ugly story.

Well, how did you get out of it?

Oh, Potsie saved my life.

Potsie's in Milwaukee.

That's right.

See, Richie escaped and I convinced the
father that Ralph and then Potsie would

marry their daughters because they're rich doctors.

But I've got to find Richie, all right?

I'll see you later.

Yeah.

Oh, listen.

Did you catch any big ones yet?

Oh, tons of them.

Yeah, but I throw them.

I like to throw them back.

You are a very thoughtful sportsman.

Yeah.

That's why I'm crazy about you, you know that?

I'll see you later, all right?

Hey, Chief!

Hey, Chief!

Would you guys like to jump up in here?

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue There's
nothing can hold me when I hold you It

feels so right, it can't be wrong Rockin'
and rollin' all week long These days are

ours Happy and free Oh, happy days These
days are ours Share them with me Oh,

baby These happy days are yours and mine
These happy days are yours and mine Happy days.