07x07 - Fonzie's a Thespian

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

We want food!

We want food!

We want food!

We want food!

We want food!

We want food!

You people are pathetic.

Are you kidding?

You call this supper?

You know, when I cooked, we had roast beef.

Well, that's wonderful.

Is this the thanks I get for slaving over
a hot stove all day?

Rich, you didn't even pull back the
tinfoil to let the apple brown Betty get crisp.

Life's tough.

Boy, Pots, when we invited
ourselves to dinner, I figured Mrs.

C would have at least left them something good to heat up.

Well, she hasn't had time.

She's too busy rehearsing for the play.

We have to trade off the chores.

You know, guys, it's not fun washing gym socks.

I'll eat up here, thank you.

Arnold's?

Absolutely.

You guys invite yourselves over, you insult my
cooking, and now you're just gonna run off like that?

Boy, does he get cranky.

How's work's getting to you, Rich?

Hey, let me tell you something, buckos.

You think this is easy?

I've been doing all the cooking and all
the cleaning for two weeks.

This place is a mess.

It's always so nice to come home.

Hello, children.

Hi, Dad.

Sweetheart.

Oh, I see supper's all ready, huh?

Oh, yeah, it's in the oven.

I'll get it for you.

No, no, Richard, don't bother.

I'll get it myself.

Dad, I know why you're in such a good mood.

The play's Sunday and Mom will be home for good, right?

Nope.

You know, your mother may stay in that
little theater group.

She may even do more plays.

Dad, be a good husband.

Don't let her do it.

Richard, be a good son and sit down.

Oh, please, Dad, you can do it.

Well, maybe I could, but I'm not going to.

Oh!

When I first met your mother, she belonged
to one of these little theater groups.

She was acting, and everybody said that she had a career.

Huh?

She gave the whole thing up for me.

Oh, how sad.

I didn't mean that.

No, I know what you meant.

But you see, now she has a chance to do
something that she really loves.

And that's why I'm in such a good mood, because I was
thinking about you kids and the way you've been helping.

However, as I look around the room,
I might have been a bit too hasty.

Oh, Dad, no, you weren't hasty.

Right, Joanie?

Right.

I think I'll go upstairs and do the ironing so
Mom doesn't have to do it when she gets home.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

I'll, uh, maybe I'll just, uh...

I'll do the upstairs vacuum.

Oh, Dad?

Hmm?

Tomorrow night, no TV dinner.

Oh, great.

So eat a big lunch.

Thanks, Richard.

Howard, this is Sloane Marlowe,
our very talented director and star.

This is my husband, Howard.

Yeah, how you doing?

Somehow I thought you'd be much taller.

I mean, younger and thinner.

A jest, old man.

Now, Now, I want you to practice those
love scenes and we'll go over them tomorrow.

Love scenes?

I will practice, Sloane.

Marvelous.

Until then, partying is such sweet sorrow.

Okay, everybody, look it.

I'm going to buy two tickets.

It's for a very good cause.

That's what, $4, John?

Right, there you go.

Yes.

Thank you very much.

Now, let's see.

Where are the seat numbers on the tickets here?

Right there in the ticket stub.

First come, first serve.

Ah, those are good seats.

Hey, Al, two tickets.

Got a hot date, huh?

No, I'm taking Jermaine.

Oh.

Hey, do you guys know what Rainmaker is about?

I mean, we never saw the show and Jermaine
only likes shows with happy endings.

It's a great play.

It's really very thematic, Al.

See, it's about this Rainmaker guy who
goes around and encourages people to live

out their glorious dreams instead of their drab realities.

Drab realities.

Yeah!

Hey, guys.

Hey, Chachi.

Hi, Chachi.

Hey, boys, I think congratulations are in order.

I sold all my tickets.

So fast, that's amazing.

I've been selling all day and I still have
ten tickets left.

How did you do it?

It was a breeze.

It was a breeze.

Watch, I'll show you.

Hurry, hurry.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please.

Coming this Sunday to the Little Theater
for one special performance.

See the story of one man trapped on a desert
island filled with scantily clad, love-starved women.

Yes, folks, you heard it right.

Scantily clad, love-starved women.

And see the fertility dance, never before
presented outside of France.

That's not this play.

I know, but it sells tickets.

I'll take it.

See what I mean?

Hey, boss, here comes the Betty Crocker of Milwaukee.

Don't bug me right now, Ralph.

I've got a problem.

What's the matter?

You cake ball?

Very good one, very good one.

All right, listen to this.

The college paper wants me to review The Rainmaker.

Hey, why should that bother you?

It's a great experience.

How do you review your own mother?

If I say it's great, everybody will think it's favoritism.

If it's bad, what am I going to do?

Write a terrible review and hurt my mother's feelings?

I'm in a no-win situation here.

A writer shouldn't have parents.

Patsy, why does your mouth get ahead of your brain?

It's a gift.

Rich, don't worry about that review, huh?

We'll help you out.

We'll think of something.

I'll think of something.

He'll think of something.

I'll sh**t that personality.

Walk with personality.

Talk with personality.

And you go buy us a ticket, huh?

Talk with personality.

Talk with personality.

Just one ticket, Fonz?

Yeah, she likes to sit on my lap.

Listen, I've been working here,
you know, and I haven't been up on things.

What kind of play you got here?

You know, is it something exciting like Goldilocks?

No, it's The Rainmaker.

The Rainmaker.

I love The Rainmaker.

What?

That was a great movie.

Now they made it into a play.

Well, yeah, actually, I think that it was a play, you know.

Who cares?

Who cares?

I saw it six times.

I love it.

With Burt Lancaster, eh?

I remember when Burt Lancaster said,
All my life I'm trying to make a miracle.

Good old Burt, huh?

Yeah.

You even remember all the dialogue.

Hey, don't forget I did Hamlet, huh?

Yeah?

Yeah, I memorized that in an hour.

And that's a whole other language.

Cunningham, my digestion.

Oh, right.

All right, all right.

Listen to this.

Marion Cunningham brought to the part of
Lizzie something that has never been seen before.

What does that mean?

Is that good or bad?

See, that works.

That's the whole idea.

That way you don't know, you know, I can be honest.

Hey, Richie, I got an idea, right?

See the plate.

Then review it, all right?

Don't tell me how to run a newspaper, okay, Fonz?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm a little tense about this.

Oh, there she is.

Oh, she's with Sloane Marlowe.

Who's that?

He's the director and star of the whole play.

Well, la-Dee-da.

Thank you so much for driving me home, Sloane.

You're welcome, Lizzie.

I desire to... Kiss your tender lips.

I don't remember that line from the play.

It's not in the play.

Well, I never... And you're not going to now.

Was that a slap we just heard?

Arthur, Richard, it was nothing.

Did that guy try to pull something on you, Mom?

Nothing that I couldn't handle.

Hey, you want me to lean on him with my bike?

Oh, man, that guy had better just watch it, because
I'm considering cutting him out of the entire review now.

Listen, both of you, it's over.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night, Mom.

I don't want that guy driving her home no more.

Either you go or I go.

Well, if you want to stay and do the housework... I'll go.

Wait a minute, Fonzie.

You're going to drive Mom home on your bike?

No, she's a very classy lady.

I'm going to pick her up in a tow truck.

And there it is, shining in your hand.

Again.

I was about 12, I guess.

There was this boy with freckles and red hair,
and I thought he was the beginning of the world.

Stop!

Enough!

Enough!

I just don't know.

I don't know what you want.

You know what?

You thought that I was acting pretty well last night.

Last night?

Last night you were one of the shining
lights of the theater.

Tonight you're a three-watt bulb.

Get that slap.

It's still bothering you.

Now look here, Mrs. Cunningham.

I am a professional.

I do not let personal matters interfere
with my rehearsal time.

However, if you'd like to take a
little break... Always grabbing me.

Now let's just rehearse.

How can you possibly expect to portray life on the
stage when you can't even experience it in real life?

I have raised a husband and two children.

If that's not life, buddy, then I don't know what is.

This is the theater.

This is drama.

This isn't checking out at the Piggly Wiggly.

I must have been out of my mind to think I
could make an actress out of you.

You are a housewife, and I'm afraid you
will always be a housewife.

You're spitting.

I thought you said this was going to be an
enlightening experience.

I said that?

Well, for 400 bucks, I'll say just about anything.

You don't care about this play or the benefit
fund that means so much to us or anything.

You, you, you actor.

You think you hurt my feelings.

But I've got news for you.

There's nothing you can do that can hurt me.

Why don't you give me a shot?

What do you want?

I want an apology to Mrs. C.

A wondrous person and a terrific actress.

I am the director.

I did not have to make an apology.

I don't think you understand.

I insist.

Let me tell you something.

Maybe I'll put it in terms that you understand.

I mean, we're on a stage here.

Curtain up, right?

There's a knock on the door.

Uh-oh.

Who could that be?

Let me give you a hint.

It ain't opportunity.

You ruined our scene.

Harry, I'll tell you when you've got a line.

Enter a mechanic.

Correction.

Enter a great mechanic.

Ask the director for an apology.

He gets a refusal, and there is a series
of the most unfortunate accidents.

What kind of accidents?

Give me.

You are a madman.

And don't you ever forget that.

I won't.

It's etched in my brain.

Yeah, that's good.

Now, I figure you're going to change your
attitude with Mrs. C.

Dig?

I, uh, I dig.

A dozen flowers opening.

They'd be a very nice touch, don't you think?

Anything you're saying, certainly.

Heavy.

Yes.

Hey, good morning, everybody.

Good morning, Arthur.

I'm all ready for you.

Join us for breakfast.

Yeah, I got a little time.

Oh, I just don't understand.

All these weeks of rehearsing.

How could Sloan Marlowe just leave town
without talking to anybody?

Just...

Sweetheart, something must have happened.

Probably had an emergency.

Yeah, well, I think maybe I'll just have, like, a
slice of toast, you know, and be on my way here.

Something wrong, Fonz?

Here's something more.

Well, it's time to level with you.

Sloan Marlowe might have left town because...

Because of a little chat that I had with him.

Way to go, Fonz.

Did you hit him?

Oh, no, no.

A chat is just threatening.

A discussion is hitting.

I didn't expect him to leave town, you know.

I thought maybe he'd give her a Rose or something.

Oh, wait.

Wait a minute, will you?

What is going on around here?

Why did Fonzie have to threaten him?

What did the man do?

Well, uh...

Sloan Marlowe drove Mom home, and he got
a little fresh, so Mom slapped him in the face.

And then Fonzie went down there to straighten the
guy out, and he got scared, and I guess he left town.

Nothing to get excited about, Dad.

I'm not excited.

I mean, it's in the past.

What's done is done.

From now on, you stay in the house.

You should tell me this before, huh?

Because I knew you would tell me to stay in the house.

Oh.

I'm sorry, honey.

I didn't mean to yell at you.

Richie, I know you're all upset about the
play being canceled.

It's no big deal.

I've waited 25 years.

I can just wait 25 more years.

Oh!

Well, do you have to cancel the show?

Maybe you can find a new actor.

Oh, where?

As far as it all has to be, it has to be forceful and
dynamic and have this extraordinary stage presence.

Wait a minute, Mom.

Let's see.

Who can play this part?

Forceful, huh?

Dynamic.

Tremendous stage presence.

Must know the play, or at least have seen
the movie six times.

Oh, wait a minute.

I can take forceful, dynamic, incredible,
but acting, I can't do that.

Arthur, I loved your Hamlet.

Oh, it was great.

Mrs. C, that's Shakespeare.

Anybody can do that.

I can't memorize all this stuff in two days.

All right, Fonz, wait a minute.

This is a test.

April 14th, 1958, who were you out with?

From when to when?

Eight to ten.

A.M., P.M.

P.M.

All right, pulled a Petrolungo, we went
miniature golfing, we never got out of the windmill.

See, you've got a great memory.

Four important things, Mr. C.

Arthur, please, please give it a try.

All right, please, just try.

Yeah, you can come on, Fonzie.

Please, you know, we can go on to the play.

Arthur, for me.

How can I refuse that?

Boy, Fonzie, this is exciting.

I mean, I've never been backstage at a theater before.

Fonzie, you wearing eye makeup?

What about it?

Nothing.

Looks nice.

Thanks.

You wearing lipstick?

Get out of here.

Me?

Yeah.

Your mascara's running.

Respect your elders.

Good luck, cuz.

Hey, Rich, how's it going?

All right.

Well, I'm glad you're having such a great time in here.

Mom sure isn't.

Yeah, what's the problem?

You wearing eye makeup?

You're not nervous, are you, Fonzie?

No.

Why should I be nervous?

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, I would be.

It's freezing.

It's a sold-out crowd.

And I'd be afraid of forgetting the lines.

And I wouldn't want to make a fool out of myself.

You win.

I'm nervous.

I'm calling you what you are.

You're a big-mouth liar and a fake.

How do you know I'm a liar?

How do you know I'm a fake?

Maybe I can't bring rain.

Maybe when I was born, God whispered a
special word in my ear.

Maybe he said, Bill Starbuck, you ain't
gonna have much in this world.

You ain't gonna have no kids, no wife,
no green little house to come home to.

But wherever you go, Bill Starbuck,
you're gonna bring rain.

Maybe that's my one and only blessing.

There's no such blessing in the world.

Oh, I've seen even better blessings, Lizzie girl.

I got a brother who's a doctor.

You don't have to tell him where you wake or where you pay.

And he just comes in, lays his hand on your
heart, and pretty soon you're breathing sweet again.

And I got another brother who can sing.

And when he's singing, that song is there
and it never leaves you.

I used to think, why ain't I blessed like Fred or Arnie?

Why am I just a nothing man with nothing
special to my name?

And then one summer comes the drought.

Fred can't heal it away, Arnie can't sing it away but me.

I go down to that hollow and I look up and
I said, rain, damn it!

Please!

Bring rain!

And the rain came.

And I knew, I knew that I was one of the family.

This is the important scene.

I know, I know.

Didn't anybody ever kiss you before I did, Lizzie?

Yeah.

Once.

When was that?

I was about 12, I guess.

It was this boy with red hair and freckles.

I thought he was the beginning of the world.

But he never paid me any mind.

And one day he was standing around with a
bunch of other boys and suddenly he shot

over to me and he kissed me hard, right on the mouth.

For a minute I was just so stirred up.

Then he ran back to the other boys and I
heard him say, I'll kiss anything on a date.

There.

Even your old man's pig.

I ran home, up the back stairs, locked
the door and looked at myself in the mirror.

From that time on I knew I was plain.

Are you plain, Lizzie?

No.

I'm beautiful.

Yes, you are and don't you forget it,
even when I leave here.

I'll try to remember.

I'll try to remember everything that you ever said.

How would you like it if I stayed here for a while?

Oh, would you stay?

Would you?

Oh, for a few days, yeah.

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

Oh, Lizzie.

Oh, I just can't stand it.

I can't stand it.

Lizzie.

Oh, you look up in the sky and you cry for a star.

You know you're never going to get it.

Then one night, you look down.

And there it is.

It's just shining in your hand.

The part of Lizzie was truly made wonderful by
the luminous presence of Marion Cunningham.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, Richie, do I really have a luminous presence?

Yeah, you sure do.

Yeah.

Oh, Fonzie.

Oh, yeah?

All right.

All right.

Listen up, everybody.

Listen up.

Arthur Fonzarelli.

Oh, oh, man.

That's right.

The man is reading.

Thank you, Fonz.

In the role of Starbuck, totally captivated the audience.

That's right.

That's right.

Richard, I love the way your pen just
glides across that paper.

Mr. Fonzarelli's performance was greeted by applause.

And shouts of delight.

Most of them were shouting out their phone numbers.

Theater audiences have great taste.

Well, this has all been very exciting,
but what do you say we call it a night?

Hey, let's go play some 8-ball, huh?

How about some pizza, Fonz?

Pizza's on me.

All right.

Hey, you coming, Chuch?

No, I don't think so.

I got a little something special lined up.

All right, see you later.

All right.

Hey, Blue Eyes.

You want to, uh, go outside and try the
balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet?

You want to go outside and try not coming back?

Hey, guys, wait up!

All those nights that I was practicing the play,
you probably really had a good time being alone.

Going bowling, going to the lodge,
and just doing what you want to do.

Oh.

Sweetheart, my life has been made truly
wonderful by the luminous presence of you.

By the luminous presence of Marion Cunningham.

These happy days are going to be my happy days.

Blue light, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It feels so right, it can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

These days are ours.

Happy and free.

Oh, happy days.

These days are ours.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Share them with me.

Oh, baby.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine.

Happy days.