07x25 - Ralph's Family Problem

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Good morning everybody.

Oh good morning dad.

Breakfast ready sweetheart?

Is your breakfast ready little boy?

Your porridge is bubbling.

Where's your mother?

Dad, she's performing Hansel and Gretel
for the children's hospital.

Mom's playing the witch.

Oh the poor kids.

Where's my sweet roll?

This is your sweet roll.

I turned it into a pillow.

Look, I know all the world is a stage,
but can we keep this a breakfast table?

Howard, I have to practice.

The witch's part is so hard.

She's so mean.

Get the phone witch.

Hello Richard.

Hello whoever.

I'm sorry.

No, no, it's all right.

Big fraternity doings tonight.

We're going to pick this year's ATO girl.

Lucky for them I'm still in high school.

Joanie, Joanie, Joanie.

Need a judge?

We got an expert.

Fonzie.

Oh, what an event.

Two days of feminine festivities.

Tonight's a swimsuit contest.

Tomorrow night, formal wear.

It's going to be great.

Ralph's going to be the emcee.

It'll be the social highlight of the entire year.

Goodbye.

What's the matter?

That was Ralph's mother, Minnie.

And we were going to go shopping today,
but she just canceled and...

And what?

Ralph's mother and father are going to get a divorce.

It can't be.

Oh, they've been married over 20 years.

Seemed like such a happy couple.

I wonder what happened.

Did she say how Ralph's taking it?

Ralph doesn't know about it yet.

Minnie said his father's going to tell him tonight.

Oh, Howard.

Poor Ralph.

They were just such a close family.

How are you?

How are you?

How are you?

Hey, Rich.

Hi, Ralph.

Where's mom?

Oh, she's not here yet.

I thought I'd give the two of you the
pleasure of riding downtown with me.

Oh, she just called.

And she can't make it.

What's wrong?

Dad locked her in the laundry room again?

He's such a wacky guy.

Yeah, we better get going, Ralph.

We don't want to be late for class.

Right.

Wait, man.

I just want to try out this new joke I'm
using tonight when I emcee the contest.

All right.

Our next contestant is... Amanda
Stewart from Idaho, the Potato State.

That's why she has six eyes.

Pretty good one, huh, Potato State?

I feel funny today.

I still got it.

You still got it, Ralph.

You're hot today.

Hey, Malph.

Potts, we've only got an hour till the ATO
girl contest starts.

Why don't you start dinner?

It's your turn.

I cooked for the last three nights.

It's not fair.

Who washed?

Who cleaned?

Who sweat?

I did.

You're right.

It's not fair.

Give me the pot, will you?

What are you doing?

What are you lying around for?

It's home.

I'm relaxing.

Come in.

Hey, guys.

How you doing?

Man, I've seen city dumps cleaned in this place.

That's because Ralph doesn't live in city dumps.

Don't start, Potts.

All right.

What's up?

What's up, Chachi?

Oh, my mom cooked some spaghetti for
dinner tonight, and we had a lot left over.

And me being such a nice guy, I thought
you might like some.

Great.

Great.

And it's free.

Great.

However, there is a $2 delivery charge.

There are two reasons why we're not going to give you $2.

Oh, yeah?

What are they?

Reason number one, we spent all our money in tuxedos.

Reason number two, we're bigger than you.

All right, you brokesters.

Dinner's on me again.

Let's go.

Hey, that's our Chachi.

Hey.

Hey.

Yes, who's here?

Mr. Mal.

Oh, you Pete.

Hiya, Dad.

Come on in, Mr. Mal.

Hey, Chachi, you're looking taller.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

Get a load of this.

This will k*ll you, Ralphie.

What do you get when you cross a billfold
with an alligator?

I don't know.

What?

I don't know either, but don't put it in your back pocket.

Hey, that's a good one.

Hey, would you believe it?

I just made that up standing outside the door.

I can believe it.

See you later.

See you later.

All right, Mr. Mel.

I'll get our dinner, Mel.

Hey, don't forget the spaghetti for me.

You got it.

Dad, it's great to see you.

You haven't been around for a while.

Well, you know what it is to be an
optometrist, busy, busy, busy.

Everybody wants to see these days.

We don't laugh a minute, Dad.

Tell me, son, how are you and Weber getting along?

Oh, fine.

Fine.

He shares the rent and I share the indigestion.

You see, nobody shares the cleaning.

Well, you're dressing for dinner these days, I see.

Hey, Dad, guess what?

I'm emceeing the ATO girl contest tonight.

Hey, that's terrific, Ralphie.

You'll make a great emcee.

Oh, hey, here, look.

You can use these.

Huh?

Go ahead.

Put them on.

I don't know, Dad.

These were great in high school,
but I'm in college now, you know.

Yeah, well, I'm not in college.

Come on, son.

Put them on.

Now, ask me, do I know any college girls?

Dad, I don't know.

I don't know.

Come on.

Ask me.

All right.

All right.

You know any college girls?

Just one.

She ate strawberries and made rash promises.

You can use that one, can't you?

Huh?

Same old dad.

Ralphie, your mom and I are getting a divorce.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll play along.

Tell me, Dad, why are you and mom getting a divorce?

No joke, son.

I'm...

Your mother and I have separated.

What?

You mean it?

But... But you and mom have always been so happy together.

What happened?

We've grown apart, Ralphie.

We...

Just don't want the same things anymore.

What about mom?

I... I... I... This can't be that serious, Dad.

Why don't you two just talk it over?

That's just it, Ralphie.

We tried.

Your mother doesn't understand what I'm
trying to accomplish.

And I... I just don't understand what she wants anymore.

We just...

I don't know.

All we do is argue.

Why?

Why, Dad?

I mean, where's the part about living happily ever after?

Remember?

I...

Things change, Ralphie.

Your mother and I agree it's time to split up.

You come in here making jokes and then you
tell me you're getting a divorce?

I didn't know how else to say it, son.

I mean, this is hard enough for all of us.

You're a college man now, Ralphie.

I thought you'd understand.

Understand?

That...

That aren't you ever even gonna try and
save your own marriage?

It's too late, Ralph.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, son, it's over, I'm.

Sorry, but it's all over.

Here we go, Malph, two spaghetti arcolas.

I'm not hungry.

Aw, come on, Malph, you gotta eat.

Hey, come on, buddy, I said you gotta eat.

I said I'm not hungry.

Don't you ever listen to me?

From all the people in the world,
I had to move in with a village boob.

All right, so I'm a boob.

I can't believe you.

Only a boob would call himself a boob.

Look, Pots, I'd really like to be alone for a while, okay?

Hey, listen, Ralph, your father told me.

I can't talk about it, Pots.

I got advanced psychology.

Rejection.

Ah, rejection, $3.95.

Come in.

We put in an emergency call.

Fonz, it's Malph.

It's almost noon and he's still in bed.

He just lays there staring at the ceiling.

You did good, the call.

What do we do, Fonz?

We take action.

That's better.

Malph!

Threaten center.

Hi, Fonz.

There he is.

Hey, Malph, it's almost noon.

Half the day's gone.

So half the day's gone.

What difference does it make?

I've been up all night.

And you know, it suddenly hit me at 3 O
'clock this morning.

I realized it doesn't matter.

I don't care.

Uh-oh.

As Grandma Nussbaum told me, the dirtiest
four-letter word in the whole world is, I don't care.

Sorry, Fonz, but I don't.

Don't worry about it.

I worry about it.

Now, what you need is a nice ride on my bike,
get some wind in your face, clear out your brain.

I bought you next to a helmet.

Fonz, I don't want a ride.

You want a ride.

Trust me.

Hey, you better do it, Malph.

Wind in your face is better than Fonzie's knuckles.

Okay, it doesn't make any difference.

It makes a difference.

Change.

You look like you're going to my wedding.

Gives me the jumps.

Hey, Fonz, be real careful with him.

He's the only roommate I got.

Got you.

Got you.

That one helped, Malphie.

One what?

You.

Make you feel better.

Your insides are as twisted as wet laundry.

What's the difference, Fonz?

Nothing's going to help.

Feel better?

Fonz?

Hey, Fonz.

It's great, because I didn't think we were
going to make that curve.

You feel better.

You know, you're right, I do feel better.

Good, because here comes the hell.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Joanie, don't eat so fast.

I've got to go to cheerleading practice.

See you later.

I want to never guess.

I'll get it.

I can practice my witch walk.

Try and get to the door before the rainy season, Marion.

Come in, my pretties.

Oh, Ralph, dear, come in, dear.

I'm just practicing for Hansel and Gretel.

I play the witch.

Oh, I see.

Aren't I lucky?

Yeah.

Fonzie just dropped me off, so I thought I'd say hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Would you like something to eat?

No, thanks.

Sit down.

Oh, okay, thanks.

Fonzie took me out for a ride on his bike.

There's nothing like the wind in your face
and the dirt in your hair.

Am I still a redhead?

So, uh, how are things, Ralph, huh?

Oh, fine.

Just fine.

And, uh, did you ever see your parents?

No.

Oh, Ralph.

What happened?

I just don't get it.

First I blame my mother, then I start to blame my father.

But I love them.

I just don't know anymore.

What if I'm the one to blame?

Don't do this to yourself, Ralph.

Stop trying to blame anybody.

Nothing, you know, nothing is that simple.

Oh, I know, but Mrs. C, I'm so confused.

You see, I've been thinking that maybe my
parents stayed together all these years because of me.

Maybe they didn't want me.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You might be able to help your parents.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself.

Now listen here, Ralph, Malph, they not want you.

Your parents may have their problems, but
this doesn't affect how they feel about you.

You can help them and yourself.

All right, what can I do?

You just love them and, you know,
tell them that you understand.

But I don't.

I don't understand.

Oh, Ralph, look, if Mrs. C and I were to get a
divorce, we would still love Joanie and Richie.

You and Mrs. C having problems, too?

No, Ralph, Howard is just trying to help you understand.

But your parents, they love you.

They need you.

Talk to them and listen to them.

They're obviously not listening to each other.

They need that from you.

Well, I guess I could try.

You see, that's all that any of us can do.

Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

I mean, I really didn't look at it that way.

Thanks.

Bye, Howie.

Oh, Howard.

Oh, that's just terrible.

The Mouth spent all those years together,
and now they're both alone.

Yeah.

And you know, this has happened so, so suddenly.

You know, sometimes one person doesn't
know what the other person is thinking.

I know, Marion.

You know, sometimes one person doesn't realize
that the other person thinks that she's changed.

Yeah, I know, Marion.

Sometimes one person has no idea that
the other person thinks that she's not the girl.

Well, he married.

I love you, Marion.

Oh, thank you, Howard.

Come here, it's open.

Ralphie!

Hey, Ralphie, come in, come in.

Hey, good to see you.

Come on in, make yourself at home.

Hi, Dad.

Mom told me you were up here.

Yeah, yeah, well, it's not much.

It's my room away from home, as they say.

It's nice.

Yeah.

Hey, Ralph, I'm glad you came to see me.

Yeah, me too, Dad.

Me too.

You know, I've been doing some thinking,
and I thought that, um, what, Dad,

why don't you try one more time and call Mom?

Maybe you could reason things out now.

You know, it's been a while.

Ralphie, Ralphie, please, it just isn't that easy.

Well, Dad, I've got a good idea.

You see, tonight, tonight I'm emceeing the ATO Girl Finals.

Well, I thought that was last week.

No, those were the semifinals, and Potsie did it for me.

He was pretty good, too.

Oh, too bad.

You see, Dad, tonight's the finals,
and I'm the emcee, right?

I'd like you and Mom to be there.

Ralphie, please.

Then you and Mom could talk, don't you see?

Ralphie, your mother and I have already
said all there is to say.

Dad, for me, please come.

I'm, I'm, I'm doing a lot of your,
a lot of your jokes, you know?

What about, what about, what, what's
yellow and goes click-clack?

A ballpoint banana, huh?

Oh, Ralphie, oh, gee.

Oh, Ralphie.

I'll try.

Yeah, try.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks.

You know, I talked to Mom and she said she'd try, too.

It's good.

Dad, Dad, do you need anything?

I'm okay.

You bet.

See you, Dad.

Come on, Chachi.

We're going to be late for the ATO Girl Finals.

Come on, I'll give you a ride.

A ride?

In what?

Not in what.

On my handlebars is what.

Well, what are you going dressed like that?

It's an ATO contest.

The band is wearing tuxedos.

Why should I rent a tuxedo?

I don't even get paid.

Oh.

And besides, nobody takes me seriously.

Oh, enough small talk.

These are your options.

It's either with me and you on the
handlebars, or start walking.

Now, what's it going to be?

Will you part?

No, no, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes.

In just a few minutes, we will have the
decision of our esteemed judge.

The three lovely finalists will pass and
review one last time.

Here will it be.

Looks like Ralph's parents aren't going to show up.

Ralph's coming.

Oh, Ralph, hi.

Hey, you're doing a great job.

Next year, the Miss Marigot pageant.

Hey, maybe after that, the Miss Milwaukee pageant.

Hey, Ralph, they'll be here.

They're probably just late.

I knew they wouldn't show.

They both promised.

All right.

I'll be right back, okay?

Oh.

Oh, oh.

Hey, it's you.

I'm just on my way to the play.

Pass it, okay?

Like your nose.

Oh, it's good.

Thank you, Chachi Arcola on drums.

Thank you, esteemed Judge Fonzarelli.

On behalf of the brothers at ATO, we'd
like to thank each of these lovely ladies.

Thank you for entering our pageant.

Now.

Ralph, the envelope.

I'd like to take a minute to tell you that no matter who
wins, two of these young ladies will be disappointed.

But, you know, life is full of disappointments.

Ralphie, you're going to love that envelope.

I mean, things won't always go the way we'd like them to.

But life goes on.

Ralph, can I implore you to read the envelope right now?

So on with the pageant.

The new ACO girl for 1961 is...

Your parents are having dinner together.

What?

My parents are having dinner together?

Yeah.

What?

Who cares?

What do you say?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Ladies and gentlemen, the ATO girl for


Oh, hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

How'd the play go?

Oh, it was just wonderful.

The kids loved it when they pushed me in the oven.

So did I, Mary.

Hey.

Hi, everybody.

Hi.

ATO contest over?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's all over.

It was great.

But I don't have time to talk about it
right now because I got a date with L.B.

I got to change, you know.

We're going to Inspiration Point.

Jennifer, same thing he said.

See ya.

And I'll miss voting the lucky winner.

Hey, she wins twice in the same night, huh?

We're having a good time.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. C, thanks.

Is everything better?

Well, they're fighting again.

But at least they're talking.

I realize now that it's their problem.

I don't know what's going to happen.

But I do know that even if they get a
divorce, I'll always love them.

And they love me.

Yeah.

How.

Would the star like some hot chocolate?

Oh, she'd like that, and she'll make it.

Oh, yes, I have some marshmallows, my pretties.

Is she going to keep that up all night, Dad?

I heard that.

These happy days are yours and mine, happy days.

Happy days.

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

Nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It feels so right, it can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

These days are ours, happy and free.

Oh, happy days.

These days are ours, share them with me.

Oh, baby.

These happy days are yours and mine.

These happy days are yours and mine, happy days.