08x06 - White Christmas

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Why do we always wait till Christmas Eve to trim the tree?

It's a tradition, Dad.

Mom, how does the tree look now?

Oh, that looks nice, dear.

Richard used to like to put the tinsel on.

Remember, Howard?

Yeah.

I remember when he was younger, he used to eat the bulbs.

Oh, uh, well, sweetheart, maybe Richie
will be here for next Christmas.

Table looks beautiful.

Looks one setting short to me.

Oh, Mom sure is taking this hard.

Yeah, I'm glad a lot of our friends are coming tonight.

It'll help keep her spirits up.

Well, while we're in the Christmas spirit... Joanie, I don't
want to hear another word about you going to New York.

It'll just be for the summer.

You are not going to spend the entire
summer alone in New York with Jenny Piccalo.

That girl is boy crazy.

She's dated everyone in the school.

When she graduates, she'll probably retire
her phone number.

You don't understand.

Listen, this is no time to be thinking
about yourself with your mother so upset.

I'm not going to upset Mom.

The heck you won't.

Howard.

Yes, my dear.

Should I make eggnog?

If you like, my love.

My love.

All right, all right, I'll get it,
I'll get it, I'll get it.

Hello?

Is it Mitchie?

Oh, hi, Elwood.

Elwood.

Well, no, I can't come down to the store now.

Elwood isn't feeling good.

Oh, Howard, maybe you should go down there.

I have so much to do before everybody arrives.

Well, all right, I'll be down there in just a few minutes.

Okay.

Boy, a fine time for him to get sick.

Joanie, you want to come with me?

What for?

Well, keep me company.

I don't want you hanging around here
talking to Mother about New York.

I wish you didn't have to go out into that snow.

It looks just dreadful out there.

Oh, my goodness.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

It's freezing out there.

When does your plane leave?

Eight O'clock.

My mom's going to be so glad to see me.

She's picking me up at the airport in Seattle.

Well, I hope Richie calls while you're still here.

Oh, me too.

The trouble with Elwood is I gave him too
nice of a Christmas bonus.

Well, take it back.

I can't.

He already ate it.

All right, let's keep rapping, kids.

See, that looks great, Chachi.

All those little kids are going to love these packages.

Rip them off in a second, you know.

All right, listen.

The guy from the orphanage is going to be
here any minute to pick them up.

And a cyst from Chachi.

All right.

Here you go, coach.

A Christmas present for you.

Oh, Jenny, you shouldn't have done that.

Oh.

Oh.

Gee, these letters are really sewn on here, huh?

Yeah.

They're guaranteed to last a lifetime.

That's it.

That's it.

My father can spend Christmas alone.

I have had it.

All right, all right.

What did he do this time?

This.

He wanted me to play Rudolph.

He wanted me to entertain my cousins.

My cousins are 40 years old.

Hi, Potsie.

Terrific outfit.

I'm going to take the Christmas dessert
over to the Cunninghams.

I'm taking the old yook along.

It never fails.

Someone always asks me, I thought you hid it.

I did.

He found it.

Fonz, don't forget to lock up now.

I'm not going to forget to lock up.

All right, I got two locks on the front
door, and I got bolts on all the windows.

What are you getting so nuts about?

It's Christmas Eve.

You wouldn't talk like that if you lived in Kenosha.

All right, all right.

What happens in Kenosha?

The Christmas lunatic.

What?

Christmas lunatic.

This guy, every Christmas, he breaks into
stores and houses.

He steals everything.

Takes utensils off of trees.

They never caught him, Fonz.

He could be here.

He could just clean us out.

Could he?

Right.

Okay, now open.

And sh**t.

And sh**t, sh**t, sh**t, sh**t,
sh**t, sh**t, sh**t, sh**t, sh**t.

I feel lots better, Fonz.

All right, all right.

There you go.

All right, bye, everybody.

See you later.

Just relax.

Take it easy.

That man is not good under pressure.

Oh, sure, a model airplane.

My father never gave me a model airplane.

All right, all right.

This has got to stop.

I'll tell you what.

I'm in the Christmas mood, right?

I'm going to take you with me right to the Cunninghams.

Yes.

Is there room in the car?

Sure.

You put on your reindeer head.

We'll strap you to the front Fender.

Oh, I miss you, too, Chachi.

Tell me what you got me for Christmas.

Tony, you've been on that phone since we got here.

I got to get off now.

The place is flooded with customers.

Yeah, I'll see you later.

Yeah, can we go home now?

And Mr. Rush?

Dad, nobody's been in since we got here.

Well, I guess the snow has kept them at home.

Snow?

It's a blizzard out there.

Oh, you're exaggerating, Joanie.

I am, huh?

A man just walked by before, and all we saw was his hat.

You'll see.

They'll just come flocking in here all at once.

Besides, we never get to talk anymore.

Oh, yeah.

Well, can we talk about my trip to New York?

When ducks sing mammy.

That's why we never talk.

Where are you going?

New York.

What?

I'm just going to the bathroom.

Fresh.

Yeah.

Oh, Joanie, watch out for those paint...

Hands.

Yeah.

What?



So you cut that out, you're giving me a headache.

You might think that was the greatest toy ever made.

Didn't you have one of those as a kid?

Oh, sure, but it wasn't this much fun.

My father gave the ball to our dog.

All right, there's absolutely no way you're sure.

All right, don't worry about it.

It ain't your fault.

All right, thanks a lot.

That was the guy from the orphanage.

He can't make it through the snow.

Oh.

Hey, wait a minute.

Fonz, if he can't make it through the
snow, then neither can we.

Hey, don't you say that.

We're going to get these toys at the orphanage.

Everybody, bundle up.

Let's go.

The Fonz made a promise.

Nature can't stop that.

Where's your jacket?

I don't wear one.

Youth.

Let's go.

Let's hold the doors, guys.

There you go.

You got it?

Okay.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Thanks.

Sleet and snow.

All right.

Nature won Fonz nothing.

Joanie, if you don't hold still,
I can't get this paint off.

Oh, am I going to smell like this stuff forever?

Stop your complaining.

If this wasn't a hardware store,
I wouldn't have any turpentine.

If this wasn't a hardware store,
I wouldn't have paint all over me.

Oh, you've got an answer for everything, haven't you?

Well, I'm afraid that's the best I can do.

Now can we go home?

Yeah, I guess so.

Let's lock up.

Hey, Daddy, why is this window painted white?

It's not.

Oh, how are we going to get out?

Chimney crickets.

Well, don't jump.

You're going to cause an avalanche.

I can't even see the car.

Joanie, Joanie, we're snowed in.

Oh, yeah, and look, there's a picture of
Richie on Santa's knee.

What's Santa doing in this picture?

Pulling Richie's bubble gum out of his beard, I think.

Oh, I miss him so much.

Oh, Marion, everything's going to be just fine.

In just a minute, this house is going to be full of people.

Everyone's going to be here.

Oh, I bet that's Richie.

Richie, Richie, Richie, Richie.

Hello, Richie.

Oh, hello, Howard.

Oh, oh, no.

Well, that's all right.

It can't be helped, I suppose.

Well, really.

Now, Howard, I'm just going to be fine.

Ah, I love you, too.

And kiss Joanie for me.

Nobody's coming home for Christmas.

I love you.

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Can you believe this, Chachi?

Now we're not going to be able to see each
other until tomorrow.

So come on, tell me what you got me for Christmas.

Will you give me that phone?

I love you too, Chachi.

Now put Fonzie on.

Fonzie?

Look.

Fonzie?

Hello?

Phone's dead.

Phone's dead?

The phone's dead.

Chachi!

Chachi!

Oh, now don't panic.

Things could be a lot worse.

Now you can panic.

Is that Richie with the funny little hat on?

We were all together last Christmas Eve.

Isn't anybody going to ask me to play the ukulele?

Oh, yes, Al.

Why don't you play?

They always ask.

How about a nice Christmas Carol, all right?

Silent night, holy night.

Oh, not a very good ukulele song.

I got a good one here.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Oh, what fun.

You're not singing along.

Marion, would you like to play?

No.

What was that?

What was that?

Somebody's up there!

Get down, get down!

He's here!

Who?

The Christmas lunatic!

Oh!

Who is the Christmas lunatic?!

He terrorized Kenosha for years!

He's here now!

Oh!

I wish Marchin were here!

Or Howard or Arthur or Chachi.

I wish we had a man here.

Me too.

What am I saying?

I'm a man.

All right, I'd better take Chachi, 100%.

I'm a man.

First I better check on the Turkey.

Turkey's fine, Turkey's fine.

I'm just being a little silly.

All right, ladies, stand aside.

We are.

Could you stand aside a little closer?

All right, now, I'm going up there.

All right.

Dashing through the snow.

Come.

Dashing through the snow.

All right, so that's right.

All right, fine, there it is.

Don't move, don't move now.

Go still.

Go still.

Go still.

I can't hold it up.

Watch out.

All right, I can get you in.

Oh, he's coming.

Oh, those are lunatic footsteps.

I got him.

I got him.

Why?

Why?

Oh, it's just a little bird.

Oh, the poor little guy's scared.

Yeah, he's cold, too.

He must have come in through that back
bedroom window to keep out of the storm, you know.

Oh, boy, he kept slamming into the wall.

I kept slamming into the wall.

Oh, I'm going to take him to the kitchen
and get some breadcrumbs.

I better not let him see the Turkey, though.

He might get offended.

Oh, I'm going to be so glad when this evening is over.

Oh, me, too.

If anything else happens tonight, I'm
going to turn into the Christmas lunatic.

Where?

Where?

There we are.

Gee, I hope Mom's okay.

Oh, me, too.

What a night for this to happen.

You know, I'm starved.

I have a candy bar in my purse.

Oh, get it, get it.

I will if you let me go to New York.

Get it.

Hey, Baby Ruth, my favorite.

Want a bite?

No, thanks.

I'm not hungry.

Mmm.

You know the Baby Ruth got its name?

Yes.

Mommy and Daddy Ruth.

No, from Babe Ruth, the Sultan of SWAT, the old Bambino.

You know, I got to see him play ball in


I know, Dad.

I've heard about your Chicago trips.

Oh, no.

No, this was a trip to New York.

Boy, what a summer.

See, your parents let you go to New York.

Not exactly.

I ran away from home.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

I ran away with my best friend.

My best friend, Arnie Fenster.

Really?

Yes, Joanie, really.

I've had some experiences, you know.

I have been around.

It wasn't always meatloaf on Monday,
pot roast on Tuesday, Howard.

What else happened, Dad?

Oh, boy, it was plenty rough, let me tell you.

We rode in boxcars, and in the middle of
the night while we were asleep,

these bums who were there, they stole our money, took
away my chicken salad sandwich, and threw us off the train.

Oh, awful.

You're telling me I made a mean chicken salad sandwich?

Well, what else happened?

It was a depression.

We slept in doorways and ate ketchup soup.

And Nickel was a welcome friend.

What else happened?

Well, eventually I got a job selling hot
dogs at Yankee Stadium.

I'd do that in the afternoon, and then I
hung around Broadway at night.

Boy, I met some real characters.

That was some summer.

Sounds to me like you had some fun.

Fun?

No.

Yeah.

Does this mean I can go to New York?

I'll talk it over with Mother.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

You know, it's nice to see your children
grow up, but it's awfully hard to accept.

I think the saddest day in my life was the day I
couldn't pick you up and hold you in my arms anymore.

As if it had any value.

Do you know what you're talking about?

Well, you're not a champion in horse riding.

You're a monster in a boot.

Oh, if you'd notice, I promised you that you would play me.

You have a little bit of looks, but maybe it's
because I wasn't able to do the right thing.

The other thing is, I promised you a lot.

You didn't know that that I would do the
right thing to you.

Water silos are so good, you could hear me
for adults and why not dye a horse's fur hair.

Well, it's fine.

What?

He was a traveling salesman.

He used to take the whole month off of
December just to be with me.

We used to go out and chop down our own Christmas trees.

He's a really great guy.

You'd like him.

Yeah, I'd like him.

You see that?

Huh?

You see that?

Hey, Chach, what about you?

It's hard for me to say, Potts.

You see, I really don't remember my father.

Hey, come on.

What is that?

Don't you remember?

Every Christmas season I would come to
your house, I would put on my Santa suit.

Oh, yeah, Fonz, but it's not the same.

It's the same.

You wouldn't wear the hat.

You wouldn't mess with my hair.

What about your mom?

My mom was great.

Yeah.

Except she wasn't that good in sports.

You ever see some ladies throw, Fonz?

What do you think, Fonz?

Yeah, I don't know.

When family matters, I do not meddle.

Oh, please, Fonz, I really value your opinion.

Of course you do, as it should be.

All right, all right, I'll tell you a story
about a kid I knew once at Christmas time.

Wait, listen to this, Colt.

You're better than that book you're reading.

Better than Dostoevsky?

You bet.

All right, so there's this kid, it's Christmas time.

What's his name?

Augie.

His name is Augie, all right?

So Augie here is going to an assembly,
and he's wearing his white shirt,

and he's wearing his tie to school,
you know, and it's a father-son assembly,

and his father ain't around too much.

And he goes out into the street,
and he sees this guy, and he says,

hey, I'll give you a dime if you come inside and
you'll be my father in front of the other guys, you know?

I think that Augie would love to be a
reindeer if his father was around to ask him.

He must have felt terrible.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, sure he did.

Sure he did.

But look, life throws you a curve, right?

What do you do?

You wait for your pitch?

You hang in there.

Augie survived, you'll survive.

Yeah.

You know, guys, that reminds me of something.

My father, my father came to an assembly of mine.

I was up there singing away, you know, just singing away.

And what?

When I was done, he was the first guy to stand up.

He led the applause.

You see, that's nice.

That's nice.

Maybe I've been too hard on him.

I wish I was home to tell him.

This is making me nuts.

Oh, let's get out of here.

Why didn't I think of this before?

Fonz, are you going to get us out of here?

I don't know what I'm figuring out yet.

I need clothes.

Fonz, our clothes won't fit over yours.

Yeah, that's right.

Then I'm going to strip Santa.

Hurry up.

Good idea.

I feel kind of creepy stealing from Santa.

Do you?

I feel kind of creepy freezing to death.

These gloves are creepy.

Good.

Here we go, Fonz.

Oh, here we go.

Okay, Fonz.

Right through there.

All right, I'm going out.

I'm going to give Mother Nature a big kiss.

Don't do that.

That man hates hats.

That man hates hats.

All right.

You stay here.

You stay warm.

You stay together.

Take care of each other.

Go get them, Fonz.

All right, Fonz.

Hey, feed them, will you?

Santa Claus is going to town.

That Turkey's had it.

Oh, he couldn't help it.

He just fell asleep.

Oh, no, Lori Beth.

No.

No, dear.

No, I meant the other Turkey.

The Turkey.

It's all just dried out.

Oh.

Oh, look, the lights.

Finally.

That's something.

Gee, I hope my parents didn't wait too long at the airport.

Are you okay?

I guess it's been a disappointing Christmas for you.

No, not really.

You know, I made such a fuss about Richie not being home for
Christmas, and then Howard and Joanie couldn't come home.

I spent the night thinking about them all, and I felt
certain that out there they were thinking about me.

And that's what's important.

It's really nice if everybody can be
together at Christmas, but Christmas is

feelings and thoughts and love, and you
don't need to all be in the same room for that.

The Christmas lunatic!

No, Al, it's all right.

The bird!

The bird!

He's in the kitchen, Al.

Fine, sound asleep.

Come on, everybody, let's get nice.

Oh, here we are!

Oh, Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Oh, h*, h*, h*, h*, h*, h*, h*.

Oh, how did you get here?

Fonzie knows a girl who drives a snowplow.

Yeah, she's a big fan of mine.

Lucille is her name.

She's going to take the packages over to your
office and I'll pay her back on New Year's Eve.

Sit down, everybody.

Let's get this party started.

And hit it.

They always ask.

Not all the time.

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Marion, Marion, Marion.

Marion, what a wonderful Christmas.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I really took care of you and Lori Beth, didn't I?

Oh, Al, you really did.

But I want you to know, there are a lot of men who
would have run upstairs to see what was making that noise.

With no lights and no telephone,
and the Christmas lunatic on the loose?

But there are very few men who would sit
up all night with a little sick bird in their lap.

That's Al.

We know him, guys.

You know, maybe the phones are working.

I should try to call my family.

Oh, yeah.

I gotta get going.

Spend time with my dad.

Yeah, my mom's waiting for me.

See you later.

I'll get it, sweetheart.

Hello.

It's for you, Marion.

Oh, who would call now?

I want the line to keep open so Richie can call.

Hello.

Richard!

Everybody wants to say something!

Merry Christmas!

Hold it, hold it.

A very happy new year, Red.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Goodbye, gray sky, hello, blue.

There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.

It feels so right, it can't be wrong.

Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

These days are all happy and free.

There's no place like home for the holidays.

And there's no place like TV Land for
holiday-themed episodes.

So stay right where you are.

And keep watching TV Land's fourth annual
Marathon all weekend long.

Please.

Thanks for watching.

We'll see you next time.