08x10 - It Only Hurts When I Smile

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling all week long ♪

[organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Mom, does it look okay?

Mom, does it make me look too heavy?

Not at all.

It makes me look too tall.

You're standing on an ottoman.

Uh, uh, uh, don't move, do y'all gotta check the cookies?

I'm coming, I'm coming.

No cookies for me, I won't be able to fit into this dress.

Hey, Mr. Seat!

I'm in dire need of an aspirin.

What's the matter, Arthur?

Did the good times roll too far last night?

I wish they did, I wish they did.

No, I got a little toothache right now.

Oh, Arthur.

Well, sit down, dear.

Yeah, all right.

And I'll call the dentist.

No, no, no, no, no, you don't gotta call the dentist.

I'm telling you, it only hurts when I
drink something cold, all right?

Oh, cold?

Yeah.

Or hot?

Yeah.

Or too sweet?

Yeah.

I'm gonna call the dentist.

You don't have to call the dentist, I promise you.

I promise you that it'll take care of itself, all right?

All right, now there's some aspirin upstairs, now
you just take an aspirin, you just put it on the tooth.

Or if that doesn't work, you use some salt
water, and if that doesn't work,

I'm gonna unwrap the phone and call the dentist.

This is gonna work.

This will not work.

This will work, I promise, all right?

Hi Fonz.

Hey.

How do you like my new dress?

You look very tall.

I knew it.

I've got hot cookies here.

Marion, I'm home.

Hi Joanie.

What are you wearing?

My new dress.

Now Dad, we discussed it before and you agreed that I wasn't
a little girl anymore and I could pick out my own clothes.

You said that.

Yes, that's right.

I said it and I meant it.

Yeah.

Hello dear.

Marion, tell Joanie she can't wear that dress.

Daddy.

Howard, I made that dress for her.

What happened?

Did you run out of material?

Dad, it's a strapless dress.

I've got eyes.

Why don't you ever wear that cute little
chipmunk outfit anymore?

Because I'm not 12.

Dad, I'm almost 18 years old.

You are?

Why wasn't I told?

You're almost 18 and Chachi's the same age?

Uh-huh.

You'll wear a sweater over that dress.

To a wedding reception, Mom, will you talk to me?

Oh, that is a little bit much, dear.

Who's wedding are you going to?

Uh, Jenny Piccalo's older sister.

Again?

Dad, this is different from the last two times.

This time she knows this guy's last name.

Come in.

Hey, hi, everybody.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

No kissing until she takes that dress off.

Now you're talking.

What?

What?

You're right, Mr. C.

I better go sit down.

I'll be right back.

Marion, I can't believe that dress.

What could you be thinking of?

Oh, Howard, you're overreacting.

Now, if you'll be very good, I'll let you
have a cookie before dinner.

Oh, I'm too upset to eat cookies.

What kind?

Chocolate chip.

Well, all right, I'll take one.

Wait a minute, I'll take two.

Just leave the plate, will you, Marion?

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ Hey, Fonz.

I don't have enough energy.

Why don't you go outside and beat yourself up?

Your tooth, huh?

I'll tell you something, Mr. Payne is running amok here.

I could walk over a bed full of glass.

I would feel better.

What do you do about eating?

I bet that one licked.

I swallow, I don't chew.

There's lunch you ordered, Fonz.

Well, pour it, please.

Do I have to?

Hey, you're the waitress.

Wait.

It was nice knowing you.

What's that?

A cheeseburger and French fries.

Hold it, Lori Beth.

I gotta see this.

Oh, wait.

I almost forgot.

Hey, Fonz.

If this works, we got a big seller here.

Meat shakes.

It comes with a salad.

Throw it away.

Oh, do we have to?

Clarence has been begging for it.

Hey, it's all here.

Clarence, put on your bib and lick your chest.

Fonz, why are you putting yourself through all this?

Just go to the dentist.

Hey, now you sound like Mrs. C, right?

Well, I am going to be a Mrs. C soon, remember?

Yeah, yeah.

Cover these with a napkin or something.

Hey, Fonz, if you're in pain, you really
should see a dentist.

Pain is good.

Builds character.

Fonz, Clarence wants to know if you'd like
some crushed grapes.

I really appreciate it, but I think that's
too much trouble.

No, it's no trouble at all.

He's already barefooted.

Hey, remember last year I went to the dentist?

Yeah, what happened?

Well, he had to file down three teeth to put caps on them.

Three days grinding, grinding, grinding.

Oh, I'm sorry, Fonz.

Hi, Al, Potsie.

Fonz, how's your tooth?

Hey, is Chachi ready yet?

Chachi, Joanie's here.

You're not going to a wedding dressed like that, are you?

Well, yeah.

Why not?

Oh, you look too pretty.

Who's going to look at the bride?

Oh, thanks.

Al, you ready to go, Joanie?

Yeah.

Oh, we better hurry.

And Dad says we can use the car,
but we have to be real careful.

Oh, great.

And remember, Fonz, Mom expects you for
dinner tonight, okay?

Yeah, I'll be there.

See you later.

See you later.

Take it easy.

How are you going to eat?

I'll figure it out.

She'll have tuna casserole, something like that.

Joanie, right?

Tuna casserole, something soft.

Soft?

No, it's Saturday.

Steak and corn in the cup.

See you later, guys.

See you later.

What's the matter, Arthur?

It's that tooth, right?

Mm-mm.

Then why are you having trouble chewing?

I'm savoring every bite.

Not me, boy.

Get it in and get it down.

Family tradition.

So what?

I mean, I'm trying to make each colonel count.

Enough talk.

I'm going to call Dr. Harkensee's exchange right now.

Mrs. C, look, they are my teeth.

It is my life.

Why can't you let me live it?

I, uh, I'm very deeply sorry about
snapping at you like that.

I didn't mean to yell.

Oh, no, that's perfectly all right.

It is your life, and if you choose to live
it in agony, that's your business.

I'm sorry I'm such a nuisance to you.

I won't butt in again.

Excuse me.

Oh, that poor boy is in so much pain.

Look, he hardly ate a thing.

Wait a minute, Marion.

I don't have a toothache.

Why are we coming here instead of going up to your place?

Because I'm going to write a note here to Mr. C of apology.

There.

Going up to my place, right?

And then we're going to watch a horror picture?

I love the way you jump in my arms when you get scared.

I could jump in your arms right now,
and I'm not the least bit scared.

Jump away.

Oh!

Was that passion or pain?

Well, look, I got this toothache,
you know, and I can't keep... Kiss?

Yeah, right.

Oh!

You want to try?

You want to try it again?

Well, you are a trooper, huh?

Oh, this is great.

Fonz.

Yeah?

Is this how you're going to kiss from now on?

Well, yeah, for a while, you know.

See ya.

See ya.

Andy Griffith.

Your show's been on TV line to 10 P.M.

long enough.

It's time someone else had a turn.

Yeah, you big dummy.

Easy, Fred.

I'm taking care of this.

That's not fair.

Now, Opie, don't be a baby.

Ain't we a-pickin' our peaches before
they're fuzzed up good?

I don't know what that means, but you have
nothing to worry about.

You'll still be on just an hour earlier.

Yeah, you big dummy.

Fred, watch The Andy Griffith Show at 9
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She's an expert.

She's an expert criminal profiler, but
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Somebody has been following me.

Is that why people keep dying around you?

Ashley Judge, Samuel I.

Jackson, Andy Garcia, directed by Philip
Huffman, Twisted, on August 31st, rated R.

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Am I still welcome?

Oh, Arthur, of course.

We've missed you.

Let me turn the sound down.

Why aren't you on a date?

Hey, can't use my lips.

What's the use?

If you can't kiss, you can't date?

Hey, you don't got the clubs, you don't play golf.

Fonzie, forgive me for being silly.

Oh, sure.

Why don't you just go and see the movie?

I don't want to see the dentist.

But it doesn't make any sense.

Look, you've jumped your motorcycle over garbage cans,
you water-skied over a shark, and you rode a k*ller bull.

I did that, didn't I?

Well, then why this fear about going to a dentist?

Hey, let me tell you something.

I don't got no fear of a dentist.

I laugh at fear.

Ha!

Well, if it isn't fear, what is it?

We alone in the house?

Sure.

Just the three of us?

Yes.

All right.

You know what I'll tell you?

Samson.

Samson?

Guy in the Bible, right?

Very cool guy.

Girl with chicks.

Yeah, I know the story.

Girl comes in, wants to give him a haircut.

Delilah.

That's it, Delilah.

Gives him a haircut, and what happens, right?

You find out that his strength is all in his hair.

Yeah?

Samson's hair, my teeth.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Are you trying to tell me that you think your teeth
might be responsible for what makes you special?

Could be.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Oh, yeah?

You tell that to Samson.

He went bald, went weak, and he's dead.

And that's the reason you won't go to the dentist?

The dentist's got a drill, Mr. C.

Ah.

A drill, you know, and they put that in
your mouth, little chips of teeth all over

the place, and then there's, like,
water spritzing all over the place,

and it goes, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz, zzz,
zzz, zzz, zzz, right through the back of my head.

Arthur, Howard is right.

You have to do something.

You have to do something about this tooth.

No.

Do you know what could happen?

This little tooth of yours could get
infected, and then it could get to the

next tooth, and then through your whole
mouth, and then all your teeth would fall out.

And then one day, you're going to be this
little toothless old man sitting upstairs,

with gum in your food, with no friends, no life.

Call the dentist.

Oh, good.

Marion, call Dr. Harkensee.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Is this guy a nice guy?

Well, sure.

He is.

Wait a minute.

Wait, what about that nice man we used to
take Richie and Joanie to?

Lovely man.

Oh, you mean Dr. Logan.

Logan.

I'll make an appointment right away,
and don't you worry, Arthur.

I'll go with you.

That's very nice.

Thanks.

Little Gonzal, huh?

Oh.

You know what kills me about this show?

If they can build a studio and give Ginger a
screen test, why can't I just fix that boat and go home?

Here you are, Arthur.

Arthur.

Miss Price?

Uh, hello, I'm Mrs. Cunningham.

We have an appointment.

Fine, and where's the little patient?

Right here.

Oh, my, he's a big boy, isn't he?

You know, with this hair, my tooth is waiting.

The name is Arthur Fonzarelli.

Oh, here it is.

The emergency patient.

Just go have a seat right over there,
and the doctor will be right with you.

Oh, excusez-moi.

We're here to see the dentist.

I don't want to see no doctor.

No, no, no, Arthur.

Dr. Logan is the dentist, but we call him doctor.

I knew that.

I knew that.

That was so cute.

Oh, you should send that to Art Linkletter.

Oh, my goodness.

You ought to send that to Art Linkletter.

Reminds me so much of when Richie and Joanie were little.

How old is yours?

Ten.

Thank you very much.

The only thing I can't stand is color, you know?

I never stay in the lines.

I've got to connect the dots.

Hey, Mr. C, I'll trade you.

I'll trade you.

I love this.

Please, please, please, Mr. C.

Well, sure.

Thanks a lot.

Now, see, this is my area of expertise here.

Mr. Fonzarelli, Dr. Logan will see you now.

I'm not finished with my dots yet.

Mr. Fonzarelli, please.

We've got to keep merrily rolling along.

Arthur, do you want me to go in with you?

What are you talking about?

I'm cool.

Cool.

Dr. Logan.

This is Arthur Fonzarelli.

Oh, what a big boy.

Now, come on in.

The pleasure is all mine.

Yeah, you bet it is.

It's a very, very nice office you got here.

Look at this.

Everything's neat.

Cabinets, you know, and hygienically clean
and everything, huh?

Well, I think that's enough for one visit, don't you?

Now, come on, Mr. Fonzarelli.

Come on back.

Everything's going to be all right.

Now, come on, Iwani.

I'll be you.

I'll be you.

I'll be you.

I'll be you.

Mr. Cherry-weary.

Let's it slide right back, Mr. Fonzarelli-welly.

How's your belly?

Stop that.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I forgot.

I'm not used to treating adults, but I will adjust.

I bet everybody comes in here and they're
just frightened to death, huh?

I mean, you got all those mouth tools over
there, you know, and a drill over here.

I bet they're just scared, not me, you know.

I'll tell you something, you know what I did?

I jumped over a shark on motor skis.

That's right, over 14 barrels on a motorcycle.



Yeah, I did 14.

What's that?

Oh, this is my pen.

What are you going to do with it?

Oh, I'm going to write your name down on this card, huh?

Fonzarelli.

That didn't hurt, did it?

No, it didn't.

Am I done?

No, not quite.

No, no, no.

Come on now.

Open your mouth.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you know anybody that lost it because
they had a tooth pulled out of their mouth?

Lost what?

You know, what makes them special.

Oh, what makes them special.

What are you doing now?

Oh, nothing.

I'm just putting away some of my sharper instruments.

All right, I get it.

I get it, I get it.

You think I'm a little toys in the attic, right?

Oh, no, no, no, no, not at all.

No, no, no.

Now, come on.

Open your mouth and let's see what we have here.

Come on.

Excuse me, Dr. Logan.

Anything you want.

Anything you want.

There's three men outside waiting to see Mr. Fonzarelli.

That's great.

Hey, guys, you guys, in here.

Thanks for that.

What is this?

Nice to see your eyes.

How you doing?

What is this?

The board of directors of a athletic and
sport club I belong to.

Well, what is the name of the club?

Sons of Death.

Sounds like fun.

What are they doing here?

They're my eyes.

I can't see what you're doing in my mouth.

They can.

Yeah, I think so.

All right.

We're just going to look in this mouth.

Open up.

You're just... Hey!

Hey!

Hey, guys!

Hold it.

Put them down.

Put them down.

No!

Inside.

Inside.

All right, all right.

I forget, I forget.

All right, now, please wait outside, all right?

And this time, don't eat the crayons.

All right, look, they get carried away.

I forget, they always go for a window.

No harm done, you're fine, right?

All right, this just goes to show you don't hurt me, right?

Yes.

Mr. Fonzarelli, I can't work like this.

Now, obviously, you don't trust me.

Now, look, I saw what the trouble is,
and I think I can fix it.

But I'm not going to beg you to be my patient.

Now, your mouth is the one that has the pain, not mine.

Now, if you want to leave, leave.

I've got plenty of others waiting out there.

You know what the problem is?

You got to pull my tooth or no?

Dentists only pull teeth when it's absolutely necessary.

I think I could save that one.

Well, come on, let's save that one.

Well, I don't know.

Ma, pleasey-weezy.

Okay.

All right.

Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you.

Don't worry about it.

But we dentists, we work under a terrific handicap.

Do you know why I became a dentist?

Because they help people look better and feel better.

But do they like us out there?

No.

Doc, Doc, I like you.

Yes?

Yeah, crazy about you.

You do?

Yeah.

You know, I'm glad.

You know why?

No.

Because if you didn't, your friends in there
would come in here and they'd turn me into a bird.

I wouldn't let that happen.

I promise you.

I wouldn't let that happen.

Now, let's get my kisser back in shape, all right?

Right.

Yeah.

What is that?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'll do this for the kids.

I'll take it off.

Now, hold it.

Wait a minute.

Let me look.

I like this.

I like this.

Keep it on.

I can live with it.

I can live with it.

Okay.

It's all done.

How does the tooth feel now?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

And this one.

Mm-hmm.

You know, you don't drool.

Never.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe this.

My teeth feel incredibly good, you know?

They're singing hallelujah.

You're a genius, you know that?

Hey, wait a minute here.

Wait a minute.

Hey, let me tell you something, kids.

Doctor's great, wears a mask, everything.

You're gonna love him in here.

Thank you.

I gotta repay you for this.

I'll fix your car for free, huh?

I don't have a car.

I'm gonna build you a car.

Great doctor.

Wait a minute.

Just wanna test one thing out here.

Give me a hand.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah, it still works.

All right.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Hey, Larry.

Aging for some bacon?

Hey, Larry.

Hungry, Parker?

Larry.

One time we'll see.

Top of the morning, Larry.

English muffin?

How about some biscuits and grapes?

Oh, let's pig out, Larry.

Nobody move.

He's got the bar.

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I'll tell you something, Al.

This Fonzie burger, the greatest thing I
ever ate, you know?

I'm so glad my choppers are back in action.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to go back to the
dentist, but thanks to you, I'm not a bit nervous.

Well, that's what partners are for, right?

Your friends from the Sons of Death are
gonna meet me there, aren't they?

Don't fret, chipmunk cheeks.

They'll be there on time.

Thanks, Fonzie.

All right.

Chipmunk cheeks.

How'd you know they called me that in the army?

Hi, Al.

Hi, Al.

Look at your sister, huh?

It's so nice that she's so happily married.

I don't think it's gonna work out, Al.

Why not?

Because that's not her husband.

Yeah, yeah.

♪ Oh, you're a gem ♪♪ It feels so right ♪
♪ It can't be wrong ♪♪ Rockin' and

rollin' ♪♪ All week long ♪♪ These days
are ours ♪♪ Happy and free, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪♪ Share them with
me ♪♪ Oh, baby ♪♪ These happy days are

yours ♪♪ But these happy days · Next up,
I Dream of Jeannie.